"That's all I wanted to know," he whispers softly. The mirror says nothing back. "I wish I could."
…
Running from the Black Order was simply… devastating. But there was nothing he could do. Nothing to stay.
He could not stay where he was thought of as a hindrance.
Keep walking.
Do not stop.
"I hope it works…"
Lavi had been taken, last he had heard. The Noah sought something from him… and the Bookman, of course. Allen didn't think the Bookman would be in true danger, but Lavi might be…
He needed to create something solid.
He needed a mother. A father. He needed something to cling to, and…
…
It's so easy. A child, a girl, so kind, and it is easy to find help from her. An angel, she calls him. He doesn't want to undo the illusion. She's so soft. So tiny. She gives him a few coins, just enough. Just for a hat.
And then he cheats at cards. He cheats, and cheats, and cheats… until he can find materials. He'll disguise himself soon enough.
He needs to irritate someone important first. Someone who'll scare everyone into being silent. Someone… like that gang boss over there. Who'll get very irritated the moment Allen lets something slip.
…
Kanda and Johnny finding him was not part of the plan. Allen wishes terribly he could be angry, but truthfully, he's only scared they'll take him back. Back to Apocryphos.
He doesn't want to lose himself. He doesn't want to cease to be. He wants to be with those he cares about, those who have made him into who he is now. He wants to be what they made him into. He wants for all this to end, and by the end, be able to look his friends in the eye and smile.
If they take him back now…
…
"You know… going on like this isn't going to help you."
"What do you suggest, then?"
"Why not try an advantage? Trust someone else. Your first backup is compromised. Don't waste your knowledge."
…
Neither of them had realized he was the clown, not until the akuma had given him away.
"Kanda…" he whispers when Johnny is asleep between them, "I have a plan. But I don't think you're going to like it."
"I don't think I ever like your plans, beansprout. Out with it."