Disclaimer: Shot through the disclaimer, and you're to blame...
A/N: This update took a little longer to get ready than the others... for some reason my USB key just crapped out on me and took out all the chapters that I'd so neatly prepared... don't worry, you'll still get your updates on time, though!
For those who noticed, yes, the summary has changed. If it looks familiar, you'd be right again! I have just discovered the Twilight saga, and it has quite literally taken over my life. You can expect to be seeing more of it in the coming disclaimers and author's notes - it hasn't quite caught up to my writing style yet, but it will soon. Fair warning.
I'm not going to my cottage next weekend, so the update will be on Sunday this week. Without futher ado, please enjoy chapter 21!
It was the work of minutes to reach the lift and go back to Floor 66, then take a cab to our room in Archades. Reddas' presence among the group sobered us some, and we did not interact as we normally would have done after a major battle while in the presence of a stranger. I had to come to grips with my emotions, which had been bottled, shaken, and uncorked in a very small space of time. I no longer knew how I should interact with Balthier – that was the worst blow of all. My exhaustion doubled the load and thus my loneliness. My still-healing side twinged painfully, and I limped slightly, feeling tightness there and also along my back, where the beam had crisped my skin. I didn't complain, however; everyone was in a similar state.
Reddas led us to the Aerodrome, where his airship was moored in secret. As we approached, I stumbled in pain and weariness. I might have fallen, were it not for Balthier. His hand steadied me – I had flashes of Phon Coast, where he had done the same to someone very different; I was suddenly looking into his face and I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't know what to say, and waited hopefully as Balthier's touch lingered. He opened his mouth as if to speak, then seemed to think better of it and released me, turning away.
My heart rent asunder and scattered to the night air, I quite forgot myself. I couldn't take it any more.
"Balthier!" I cried, reaching out to him, caring nothing for the consequences if I could just bridge the gap…
The gap widened. Balthier walked crisply away as the rest of the party turned at my anguished cry. There followed an awkward silence as they tried very hard not to say anything. Their faces were al shadows to me, even Basch's, which had become so dear. But Balthier was leaving us all steadily behind, and the rest had no choice but to follow. I think the children, at least, wanted to comfort me, but weren't sure how to go about it, not knowing the circumstances. Basch, I am certain, gave me a kind look, before he, too, turned to follow. I might have stayed there forever on the Archadian Aerodrome's cold stones – I didn't realize I had fallen to my knees until Fran extended a hand and helped me up. Where had it gone so completely wrong? Just this morning I had slept against his chest – now he pushed me away.
"It may be long before he returns to you." Fran's voice, neutral as ever, cut me to my very core.
"Why, Fran?" I was mortified to hear my voice break, but I couldn't control it. "What have I done?"
"Did Balthier never tell you how his mother died?" She answered my question with one of her own, and I was suddenly hit with a wave of understanding that was like a death-knell to my heart.
"Oh." The word I pronounced was almost like a sigh. It was only then that I noticed the tear tracing its way down my cheek. I wiped it away with something close to impatience. Oh, no, I thought. How many tears have you wasted on this man?
"Your love for him is strong," she said, her voice slightly gentler. "It is not right that you should suffer so. I will speak to him."
"I wish you would," I said, grateful beyond knowing. "But someday I hope I can reach the point where I don't need an intermediary."
Fran nodded slowly. "We shall see. Come."
And she cast an extra Cura on me so that I, refreshed, could walk beside her. I wondered if the viera knew about Ashe. I felt that she did, but also that it was wrong to ask her.
Reddas' ship was Bhujerban – that was all I was in a fit state to notice. I closed my eyes to avoid the sight of Ashe, dozing lightly against Balthier's shoulder, and Balthier, his arm lightly around her.
I must win him back, half of me thought. Obviously Ashe has something I don't – I must surpass her and be good enough for Balthier!
But you shouldn't have to win him back, my other half said. He should come to you, too, sometimes, not just the other way around. Yet somehow I had a feeling that both halves were wrong… but also right.
Gods help me, I thought, and it is the last thing I can recall with any clarity of our arrival at Reddas' Manse.
I woke in a delicate four-poster bed, with sun and sea air wafting in through the window. I sat up and instantly regretted it, feeling a burning ache in every part of my body. I chanted a brief Cure, and when I could move again, I stirred. Standing, I felt a little woozy. I couldn't have counted the number of spells that I had cast or had been cast on me the previous day, and such a circumstance was like to make anyone dizzy.
I went to the window and breathed deeply of the salty wind, letting it cool the sweat from my face – I'd had many dreams during the night, most of them bad, a result of the combination of a tattered heart and utter exhaustion, and thus hadn't rested as well as I'd hoped.
There came a soft knock at the door, and I went to open it. One of Reddas' attendants stood there, with a bundle in her arms.
"Miss Siyana, now that you have awakened, would it please you to go down to the bath?"
Before she had finished, I was already formulating a discussion about the lack of need for her politeness, but that last word swept it all away.
"Bath?" I had to force myself to calm down and not frighten the poor girl. "Yes, I believe that would please me very much."
She grinned. "Good," she replied, full of implications. The girl has spunk after all, I thought, though she had a point – I could only begin to imagine how I must smell. "I will lead you there."
I followed her through the halls of the manse, a pleasing combination of stone and beach–weathered wood inlays. There was sparse, tasteful decoration of the sailors' kind – rope knots, wooden models, paintings of famous sailors and famous ships (none of which I knew, of course). Sky piracy was also represented: diagrams of airship parts artfully rendered, actual parts cast of precious metals, and models of legendary airships stood alongside those of the sea in an interesting juxtaposition. Reddas also seemed to be fond of botany, and the many display tables throughout the rooms and hallways were covered with plants of rare and common beauty, their scents mingling with the ever-present tang in the air. The manse was built upon a jetty, and no matter where I went the sound of the waves against the shore lulled and soothed me. I saw a few attendants, but none of my companions.
"Where are the others?" I asked my guide.
"Masters Basch and Balthier are out on the town, as are Mistress Fran and Lady Ashelia. Master Vaan and Mistress Penelo have yet to awaken."
I tried not to let on how much Balthier's name twisted my insides, instead allowing myself to feel relief that I was not the only one – I supposed a day of rest had been ordained and was glad of it.
"Here you are," the attendant said, pushing open a carved oaken door. I didn't see much of the room – once I noticed the tub, filled with gently steaming water, the rest was lost.
The attendant deposited her load, which I now saw was composed of towels and other bathing accruements, and left me.
"Please, take your time," she said. "The Fire Stones are fully charged and the reservoir is there." She pointed towards a stone basin in the corner which was large enough to fill two baths. She winked at me. "Have fun."
I waited, trembling, with bated breath until I heard the door close, and then my clothes were off so fast, I couldn't have been naked faster if a naked Balthier were standing in front of me. In fact, that analogy was a fairly accurate approximation of how much I wanted that bath right now… recent events aside.
Refusing to let those thoughts ruin my enjoyment of this blessing from the gods, I sank myself into the water with a sigh, which quickly turned into a curse as I realized how hot the water was. Feeling my skin scalding, aggravating my already seared back, I could have sworn I heard a fizz-ing sound as the top layer of dirt on my body floated away. Sure enough, when I looked down, the water had already turned that disgusting grayish colour that I cringed to see. I had known I was filthy, but it was another thing to actually see it.
I soaped myself down anyway, and once I rinsed I began to feel a little more like myself. I emptied the tub and drew another for the purposes of my hair, and (glory of glories!) a razor. The reservoir was gravity-fed – I could have wept. The results were much the same. I scrubbed myself within an inch of my life, feeling better than I had in a longer time than I cared to admit.
It was the work of about a quarter of an hour to comb my hair into some semblance of order – I toweled it off and left it loose. It would dry soon enough in the warm air.
There was a robe hanging near the basin, so I wrapped myself in it and, not knowing what else to do, returned to my room, losing my way only once. When I entered, the attendant was there.
"Was the bath to your satisfaction?" she asked. I grinned. "Quite."
"I am glad," she replied. "We will launder your clothes for you, and they will be ready when you depart. In the meantime, Lord Reddas requests you choose what you wish from the wardrobe." She indicated the chest standing in the corner. "Afterwards, I will conduct you to the salon, where breakfast is being served. Call me when you've finished." She stepped outside the door to wait.
I raised my eyebrows. For a sky pirate, Reddas certainly knew how to live it up. The clothes I found in the chest were of the style typically worn in Balfonheim – short shirt and baggy pants. Both were made of the same light, breathable cotton material. I grabbed a shirt of deep blue and pants of a lighter shade, and pulled them on, feeling as I did so that I was pulling on a second skin. I opened the door to the attendant who smiled at me, adjusting her apron over her skirts. She couldn't have been older than I, and she was pretty, with her dark hair pulled into braids at the sides of her head and wide brown eyes.
"There," said she. "You are almost presentable now. Follow me to the salon. I suppose you're hungry."
My stomach confirmed her statement, and she laughed. More important concerns taken care of, I realized I was weak with hunger, and my black-clad guide could not have led me fast enough to where food was.
She left me in the salon and I gorged myself on fruit, eggs, bacon, and toast. The feelings I had managed to keep away thus far came upon me, and my demeanor turned morose as I ate.
Halfway through my third helping, Penelo came down to breakfast.
"Good morning!" she greeted me, cheerful as always, with a big smile, and I paused in my contemplation of my toast.
"'Morning," I said, with considerably less enthusiasm, despite my efforts. Undeterred, Penelo set about filling her plate, and sat down across from me. The salon was furnished with small round tables made of redwood, and as such was very conducive to close quarters when I wanted to be alone. For a while, the only sound was the sea breeze blowing through the wide, curtained windows. Penelo kept looking up at me with knowing, pitying stares that I was fairly certain I did not want to receive.
"Let's do something fun!" she said at last. "Come on, want to come shopping with me?"
I knew she was trying to cheer me up, and was grateful for it, feeling guilty for taking out my ire on someone so innocent. Part of me feared going outside the manse, because then there was a chance of meeting Balthier, but I figured I would have to confront him sooner or later, and I thought I should pay a visit to Beruny and Emma. I'd long-neglected Blayne, and wanted to at least attempt to gather some news.
"Certainly. Thank-you, Penelo." She beamed kindly at me.
"Don't mention it."
By the time we left the manse, my hair had dried completely, and so had Penelo's. The girl was dressed similarly to me, but in yellow (she seemed to prefer that colour), and the pair of us could have passed for inhabitants of the port as we browsed the market stalls. We bought a couple of magicks each – I updated my Arcane repertoire and Penelo purchased a few more Green.
"Vaan'll buy the technicks," Penelo told me, "and Basch and Ashe handle armour. Everyone takes care of their own weapons. Balthier does gambits. He seems to like them for some reason – he'll teach anyone who'll listen. I suppose they're convenient every once in a while." Luckily, she turned away then, to examine a sundries stall, so that she didn't see how I winced to hear Balthier's name. I really should get over this – I would be travelling with him for a while yet after all, and his name would be hard to avoid.
"Shall we head to the armourers'?" Penelo asked, turning back to me again.
Since that was my ultimate destination, I readily agreed, and the two of us proceeded to Beruny's Armaments.
As we entered, Penelo disappeared, ostensibly to examine the second floor. When I approached, attired as I was, I daresay they didn't recognize me. But I got closer, and Beruny became surer, finally fair purpling with rage and lunging for me across the counter.
"Why you little…!" He bit off an exclamation as Emma restrained him.
"Calm down, Beruny," she said, though she looked no less angry. "Fighting won't solve anything."
He calmed and spat, leering at me. "'Twould make me feel a sight better, though," he said.
This was not the reception I'd expected and I stood, bewildered and hurt, unsure of what to say.
"Oh, an' now she'll give us the innocent expression, will she?" Beruny swore and Emma hushed him.
"Well, girl?" she asked, turning to me with her hands on her hips. "Do you have an explanation?"
The question clarified everything.
"Blayne's been here?" I asked eagerly.
Emma gave me such a look that I took a step back.
"You've got some nerve," she said direly, "coming here and saying that. If it weren't for Lord Reddas' decree, I'd let Beruny at you, and I'd come at you, too. Now explain yourself."
I hesitated. "What did he tell you?"
"Enough." Beruny's voice was harsh. "That you ditched him in the middle of a heist and took up with some other partner, leaving him to fend off the Imperials alone."
I blinked. Was that truly how it had appeared to him? I had thought that he would be mad at me because of my failure, not at my leaving.
"You did the absolute most despicable thing you could ever do in pirating, you betray your partner, have the gall to come back and ask about him, and then you don't give us an explanation, having the nerve to stand there, quivering like the victim?" Beruny spat again. "Get out of my shop, and may I never see your face again." I opened my mouth to explain.
"Siyana? What's happening?" Penelo had returned, carrying a bow upgrade and looking distraught.
"It don't concern you," Beruny said to her kindly. "Your friend's just broken the first rule of sky pirating."
Penelo deposited her bow on the counter, waving her hands in agitation.
"Oh, you mean how she joined us? But it wasn't like that! Really, I was there! It was just that there was no time, and Balthier couldn't let her off the airship because we were taking off and…" she seemed to run out of words.
Emma turned incredulous eyes on me.
"Balthier? Balthier, did you say? That's you left with?"
I nodded. "Blayne and I were shot down over Ozmone stealing back the Shera. We were short a plasma coil, so Blayne said we had to steal one."
"Naturally," Beruny replied, following me so far, already knowing the story. I was vaguely glad he had calmed down enough to listen to me.
"He chose the Strahl to take it from, but I didn't know whose ship it was at the time…"
"Blayne did," Emma said. "Dunno what the hell he was thinking, stealing from the Strahl. Shoulda known it couldn't be done."
I thought of the impression Fran's claws had made on me and grinned inwardly, guessing why. So far, at least, they believed me.
"He sent me on board to create a distraction –"
"He was mad at you, then?" Beruny asked. I shrugged. "Not explicitly. He just knew what he was looking for. Anyway, I was scarcely aboard the Strahl when Balthier came back, being chased by Imperials. There was no time to let me off, and I've been travelling with him for safety ever since."
"Not only for safety, right?" Emma asked sagely. "Else you'd'a taken the first Teleport Crystal you saw. So why're you still with him, then?"
"I owe him a life-debt that has to be paid," I said simply. "My honour requires I stay with him until I've paid it…" I let my voice trail away.
Because, technically, yesterday I had paid it, and, though he had not appreciated it, indeed not even acknowledged it, the debt was settled. I could leave him now, take this excuse, and forget about him, never to see him again.
And knew as soon as I thought it that it would never happen. For better or for worse, my destiny was entwined with his, whatever that destiny was. I didn't want to leave them, any of them. I needed more of Basch's stability in my life; I needed more of Fran's sage advice, even were it not on the subject of Balthier. I needed more of Penelo's cheerfulness, more of Vaan's exuberance. Gods, I even needed more of Ashe's stubborn determination. I needed all of them around me. And then, I thought, at the end of the journey, I'd be a better partner for Blayne.
Knowing nothing of what had just passed through my head, Beruny and Emma were both nodding. A debt was something they could understand.
"Well, Blayne came in here about a month ago and told us what happened. The Shera's repaired and he said he was off to Kerwon, to visit some friends there."
"Was he… really mad?" I asked tentatively.
"A little," Emma amended. "But he told us to pass on the message that he's waiting on Mount Bur-Omisace, cleaning up the place, so he hasn't completely disowned you. Consider yourself lucky."
I did. "Thanks, you guys," I said, and shook hands with them. "And your Zephyr Pole's working wonders." I bought a relatively low-level sword for my ongoing lessons with Basch, Penelo paid for her bow and sold her old one, and we exchanged some more pleasantries and exited the shop. It was nearing to noon, so Penelo and I directed our steps to the Whitecap.
"How do you know them?" Penelo asked me as soon as the shop door closed behind us. "What happened?"
"They're old friends of Blayne's," I replied, smiling. Blayne was all right, and so was the Shera, and he still wanted to be partners with me. Truly, it was better than I'd hoped.
When we entered, I gave the tavern a cursory glance and sighed, relieved. Balthier was nowhere in sight. I didn't think myself quite ready to face him, yet.
Penelo sipped her drink thoughtfully, looking out the wide windows that opened onto the sea. Curiously for someone of her size and disposition, she could hold her liquor. She'd told me once it was because her brothers had given her a lot of practice.
"You didn't want to see him, did you?" she asked at last, and her tone made it clear what she meant. I took a long draught of my own ale. I wanted to get drunk, so outrageously, stinking drunk that I could forget that I'd ever not wanted to see Balthier. But I knew also that it would be the absolute worst thing to do.
One glance at my expression told Penelo all she needed to know. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, with surprising maturity and tenderness. Strangely enough, I did. But I didn't know where to start.
"I mean, this is Balthier we're talking about, right?" Penelo said incredulously. "The treasure hunter, the womanizer, the egotistical pirate who cares for no-one but himself? How could you pine after someone like that?"
I hadn't known Penelo to have such a poor opinion of him, and I was defending him without having consciously made that decision. "No," I said, feeling love creep into my voice in spite of it all. And I told her who we were actually talking about – the handsome, passionate knight in shining armour who released me from my bonds, defended me from serpents, taught me to swim, gave me flowers, recited poetry with me, and allowed me to doze off on his chest. And I realized that Penelo's words had just been a façade, a starting point to get me talking.
"Wow," Penelo said, when I'd finished. "It's like we're talking about two different people."
I nodded. "But you're not wrong, either," I said.
"Well, if he's that amazing, why don't you go after him?" she asked. I took another long swig to fortify myself. "I'll never be good enough for him," I said. "I'm not intelligent or funny or fiery or even all that beautiful. I can't give him what he wants. Besides, he has Ashe now." Ignoring the pain that accompanied the words, I told her what I had seen.
Penelo pulled one of her braids pensively – it meant more than I could say that she didn't just laugh it off or tell me to drop it. "Ashe knew what he was going through," she said at last, "because she's already lost her father. Maybe that was it."
Her words rang true to me, but I knew what I had seen, and as a girl of gil I had experience in such things.
"I suppose…" Even to my own ears, I sounded uncertain. Penelo finished off her drink with a sigh.
"Why don't you ask him about it? You'd better make it up, somehow – you're going to be travelling together for a long time."
There was truth to her words, and as we left the tavern, a tentative plan had begun to form in my head.
A/N: Next up: possible reconciliation??