Kirgi trudged forwards with his hands chained behind his back. The winds howled as his captors stopped on the mountain. Even though they were over the tree line, their trail had ended and their quarry was nowhere in sight.

"Where is the Dow Pyramid?"

The similarily chained ogre said nothing and simply glared at the child that wasn't a child. Kirgi suppressed a smirk. He had already laughed out loud at their captors a few too many times than he should have and had a black eye and a missing tooth to show for it. He found out the hard way the girl was remarkably adept with her 'slave whacking' stick. Not that he minded the beating, but the dwarf preferred to save his strength for now.

"Maybe he don't understand," said the smelly farm hand. The broad shoulder human that wasn't a human crouched over the ogre and began mouthing his words slowly. "Where …is….da…..big…pointy….rock…house?"

The ogre named Gravedigger nodded and motioned to the man that wasn't a man closer. The smelly farm hand leaned forward, and was promptly kicked in the chest by the ogre's large foot, sending him sprawling over the trail and plummeting down the mountain.

The young woman promptly lashed out with her trusty stick, smacking the ogre's skull knocking him silly. She was unrelenting in striking him, cutting and bruising the large humanoid with every vicious strike. Kirgi winced at the punishment dealt, and finally had enough. While the ogre wasn't exactly a friend, the ogre didn't treat him that badly. Though he was chained, the dwarf had one weapon left. He laughed.

"Silence!" she hissed at the dwarf as she brandished her stick at him.

The dwarf ignored her and simply laughed louder, prompting her to swing her stick at his head.

*Crack*

"Ow….Okay, I deserve that, " grinned the dwarf. He saw stars but he also saw that his skull had cracked the staff.

"Enough!" barked the human that was dressed as a merchant. While the kid, girl, and laborer were definitely out of place, the merchant was even a bigger fish out of water here. The dwarf had seen noblemen and merchant prince's dress like him before, the man's entire attire was culturally off compared to where they were. He looked more suited to the rich streets of Grom city or Lower Lueders than the silk wrapped highborn of Ylarum or the fur dressed wilderness traders of Sodjerford.

The girl frowned and pointed at her now cracked staff ."But..but…his rock filled head broke my slave whacking stick. It took me all day to pick that one out," she pouted.

"Simply kill one and the other will talk," shrugged the big black skinned warrior. The warrior seemed disinterested in the whole conversation and simply threw out his suggestion as he sat and meticously inspected his blade. "If he doesn't, we will kill him as well. Actually we should kill them both now, they're useless and brings us no closer to our goal."

"Which also would lead us nowhere closer to the girl or this pyramid we are seeking and squander the few resources we possess," sighed the merchant before turning towards the child. "The ogre's already been glamered, but it seems that kicking his 'companions' is normal for his savage race. He may know these mountains but I doubt he knows of the pyramid we seek. The dwarf is too thick headed to 'suggest', but I can attempt it again tomorrow perhaps after a few more beatings to weaken his resolve. Perhaps he can shed some insight to where they are headed. I can try my divination again, but it didn't work before and I doubt it will now. "

"We could try torture," beamed the girl, eyes sparkling at the prospect.

The child gave the girl a disappointed look and shook his head.

"Our prey and the pyramid are most likely underground, the rocks here form a natural barrier to both divination and teleport spells," said the child that wasn't a child. "I believe the great Fonkin Hoddypeak discovered this phenomena when he set out on his famous journey, which was inscribed in the epic tale 'Descent into the Depths of the Earth'. "

Kirgi's sore head reminded him not to laugh at the silly name. He noted while the kid was the least intimidating of the lot, he did command the most respect. The dwarf wondered if he was some disguised Halfling or gnome sorcerer or something.

"Eh? Funky what'sapeak? If he's so famous why haven't I never heard of him?" grunted the labourer as he struggled up the cliff that he recently fell off of. Kirgi noted the fall would have killed a normal man, but the smelly man seemed to have suffered just a few minor cuts and bruises.

The child looked surprised at the question and then stared at the girl and the merchant who simply shrugged. "Really? You three honestly don't know?"

"Fonkin Hoddypeak was a mortal adventurer from the ancient first era," yawned the ebon skinned warrior. "His companions had defeated a great incursion of giants before striking out at their overlords. Which of course, happened to be deep in their underground vaults."

"Underground overlords? Like those ant people in the hives of Axis? " asked the girl.

"No, no my dear Clawina. Nothing like the Formorians. I know outsiders aren't familiar with the prime races, but there used to be a race of degenerate dark skinned elves called Drow in this world. Though their cities have been mostly purged and their people enslaved, they were quite the menace in their day before they lost their war against Emperor Alphonso. In fact, I believe they are still a significant threat on other parallel worlds."

Kirgi had heard of drow, but knew little of them save they were the name most humans gave to the lower class dark skinned city elves that infested their towns. He think he heard Petrus mentioning dark elves crawling around in the shadowlands before, but the concept didn't seem particularly scary to him. He had no clue about the other stuff they were babbling about, but he did notice the ogre's ears twitch at the mention of drow. He wasn't the only one though as a wide grin grew on the child's face.

"Ahhh…I see the problem," nodded the child as he walked up to the ogre and poked him in the chest. The ogre lashed his leg out once again, but the child easily hopped over it. "Your 'suggestion' spell is working, but we simply aren't asking the right questions."

"You know where our quarry is?" asked the merchant.

"Not yet, but I will soon," smiled the child as he motioned towards the ogre.

"Fat Dark elves?" asked the box.

"and sticky lizards!" smiled Isah.

Tank looked puzzled and looked at Fyris's general direction for answers. She was cloaked in shadows and was hard to see, but he had been with her long enough to know the tell-tale signs of where she was hiding. A slight blur, a brief flash of her eyes, and of course her faint cool scent. "Hey,were you two scouting or something? Cuz, that's what I thought I was doing."

"We grew bored, so I took a look ahead?" she said with a wink directed squarely at the warrior.

"I saw signs of a large Dark elf settlement while I was scouting," continued Fyris. "As for Isah, I thought I put her safely behind but it seems she encountered something, perhaps a patrol."

Tank grew at angry at her recklessness, but not for long. She saw his rage and easily disarmed him a faint smile.

"The girl mentioned overweight Dark elves and lizards covered in some type of viscous material?" asked the box.

Isah nodded and held out a stick with what appeared to be a partially eaten glazed lizard. "Yummy…" she purred as she took another bite.

"Wait..where did you get that? Wait…don't eat it!" said Tank as he reached for the lizard, but the girl easily slipped from his grasp.

"The fat dark elf gave it to me," said Isah as she took another bite.

"A fat dark elf? That is unusual," commented the box. "It doesn't surprise me that the Drow had invaded my family sanctum, they were quite aggressive when I was the appointed guardian, but fat? The Drow had a reputation of being depraved and degenerate mirrors of their surface cousins, but they were also known as quite graceful and lithe."

Petrus who had been silent till now nodded in agreement. "I concur; the dark elves on my world were also quite slim and more importantly violent with a penchant for slavery. They struck from the darkness with their poisoned crossbows and their dark magics. I doubt the girl met a real dark elf since she appears unharmed. I doubt one of their race would not only pass up an opportunity to capture her but to also feed her."

"Hey I'm more surprised that there's any left,"shrugged Tank." While you were sleeping in your own pyramid a lot has changed since that Hoddypeak fellow. "

"Oh, how so?" asked the box.

"Well, a couple hundred years ago the Drow started their last campaign. They enlisted the lizard empires and a few dragons and almost did the enslave the surface world thing. You know the same old song and dance, but this time they picked the wrong guy to attempt to screw over. Emperor Alphonso came into power during the chaos and not only defeated the Drow and Lizard empire but pushed back, and pushed back hard, with his demonic and artificer magic. He burned and salted the lands of the Lizard kingdoms and pushed the Drow into their underground realms and then some. "

"The Grommish legions and Alphonso's golem army delved into the underdark or shadow lands or whatever you guys want to call it, and began a brutal campaign against the Drow. Alphonso burned and pillage every major Drow city and enslaved the people. Killing their nobles and priests and selling their common folk throughout the world to fund his war effort. Those dark elves that weren't enslaved were overwhelmed by their numerous underground enemies. The squid people, the dirty dwarves, and even the tadpole people."

"Mindflayers, Duegar, and Kuo Toa," corrected Petrus.

"Whatever," said Tank as he dismissed the egg headed summoner.

"Wait, I understand that there is a possibility that the Drow might have been destroyed or more likely driven off by their natural competitors, but one would think their infamous spider goddess would intervene," commented the box. "Even in my day, her power and wrath were legendary."

Tank chuckled. "Well, she did intervene. She captured Alphonso after his power spent during the big Grom Civil War, but good ole Monty Nabisco and his bros slapped that ho down and banished her big butt outta this world."

Fyris sniffed indignantly at Tank's crude terms and stalked back into the shadows. Tank shrugged and guess he went a little overboard in his description.

"What in the world is a Monty Nabisco?" asked the box.

"I've encountered that name before on my travels," offered Petrus. "A legendary Grommish General that was also the leader of some national biscut compa….."

"Fat elf…." Interrupted Isah as she pointed to the darkness.

"Yes..yes fat elves. You already said that," said Tank. " Anyways, so after they were enslaved, the remaining dark elves kind of lost their magical powers. I guess the darkness was the source of their power."

"Radiation," corrected the box. "The source of their power and their magical items is in their vaults' mysterious radiation."

Tank raised an eyebrow at the statement but didn't bother to argue. "Alright, the radiation was the source of their power and they lost it. The Drow had become a broken and subservient race till they were granted their freedom by General Maximillian Ross during the Civil War I mentioned. Despite being free however, they were still stuck in a lower class strata, but luckily for them, many of them married up."

"Eh? In my interactions with societies, it is rare to find people crossing caste or social barriers. For example it is rare for one of royal birth not to marry someone who is of equal status or at least a power noble. Also rich merchants stay rich by increasing their holdings not diluting it through marriage. It is one of the built in controls for those in power to stay in power," noted the box.

Petrus shook his head and grinned slightly." I agree with you Pharaoh Dow, but the lack of a body has made you , how shall we say, underappreciate certain physical needs. If you had forgotten, might I remind you that dark elves are in essence elves, and most humans find elves very attractive and exotic. It would not be unreasonable for many of them to marry up in their station."

Tank took awhile to consider the summoner's words but finally nodded in agreement. "Yeah, what he said. Anyways, a lot of these human elf marriages created a large half elf middle class. And when I mean large I mean fat. At first these half elves were kind of drifting aimlessly, but then they kind of flocked to their messiah, a lemball linebacker and adventurer by the name of the Mighty Zug. This dude was big and dumb, but heroic in a way and more importantly fat. He was kind of like the half elves own Avatar of Virtue or something. A messiah I guess. The rest of the half elves kind of took after this guy in both his spiritual and physical training. Thus leading to the army of sumo wrestlers we know today as half elves."

"How do you know all of this?" asked Petrus. "You seem well versed in this subject, but you certainly don't seem to be a scholar of any sort."

"Well….believe it or not my best friend Agni is a half elf. He and his sister kind of grew up in poverty so didn't get to bulk up like their kinfolk, but he talked quite a bit about his people and his need to bulk up, "explained Tank. "I'm like a Zug folk expert."

"Zug folk?" asked Petrus.

"The name they call themselves, but I don't recommend calling them that," cautioned Tank. "That's their word."

"Let me see if I get this straight," said the box in a puzzled voice. "You think this community of elves that Fyris has spotted are not elves at all but half elves? And not the half elves that I'm familiar with, but some form of grossly obese mutant ones?"

"Yeah probably," nodded Tank. "There were several big movements a few years ago for them to reclaim their land. A bunch went north to the land of the ice elves but more went underground. I'm not sure where they went, but the talk was they immigrated beneath the city of Barkwark. It wouldn't surprise me if they spread their fat little fingers throughout the underdark."

"I see," said the box.

"Fat elves!" repeated Isah in glee as she once again pointed in the darkness.

Tank was about to warn her to be silent but before he could a dozen crossbow wielding shadows emerged from the darkness around them. Petrus quickly began to weave a spell, but was struck by a small bolt to his leg. The missile itself was too small to be lethal, but the summoner quickly lost his footing and stumbled to his side. Tank stepped in front of Isah and reached for his blade but a half dozen more crossbows were raised and pointed towards him.

"Lay down your arms," warned a deep voice. "You are in the Vault of Dowzenlow and our guests."