The dirt above Sasuke's grave was still lightly dampened from the rain, and cold to the touch in the night air. Kakashi clawed his fingers into it, feeling it crumble and break away under the assault as he drew dirt away from the rock. Pakkun and Bull had their heads down, digging as hard as they could. Owls and other night birds called in the distance, disturbed from their peace by Tsunade's bright light and Kakashi's lack of stealth. Tsunade's fist had cracked the ground open, neither of them having thought to bring a shovel in their haste, and Kakashi had thrown himself into the hole to remove the inches of dirt before she had a chance to stop him.
"Kakashi, are you sure this was the one Sakura left with Sasuke? She has so many of them."
Kakashi had answered that question too many times already. Had the dried blood not been enough, the memory of watching from afar as Sakura slipped the hair tie onto Sasuke's wrist, facing the sakura blossom to the sky before she pressed a kiss to his forehead was burned into the back of his mind. She hadn't cried that day, not a single tear. She had been stone faced and square shouldered; speaking only briefly when asked by her mentor if she had any words before the coffin was closed. He had seen it later, when everyone but Tsunade had left and he finally made his way to the grave side to say his goodbyes. The hair tie had been mostly hidden by the sleeve of the navy yukata he was buried in, only the barest sliver of pink visible. He knew it had been there. He was sure of it.
His hands went back into the dirt, but this time instead of feeling only crumbling earth, his knuckles scraped against something hard; the dull thud music to his ears. Tsunade leapt into the pit, shoving him back with a warning hand.
"I'll do it, Kakashi."
The implication that Danzo had exhumed Sasuke's body not only without permission, but without anyone's knowledge, wasn't something Kakashi wanted to consider. There was always a chance, however slim, that he had only taken the tie; some kind of strange trophy of the last Uchiha. It had been part of the reason Sasuke's burial was shrouded in secrecy- the chance that someone would want a piece of him even in death being too great.
Tsunade curled her fingers around the lid, the crack of splintering wood sending birds soaring into the night sky. Kakashi heard her sharp intake of breath and he knew, without even seeing. So many things should have been his first concern; a security breach; Sasuke's grave being robbed; the possibility of someone, somewhere having Sasuke's sharingan. But instead, only one thought burned through his brain and settled as a sickening clench in his gut.
How was he going to tell Sakura?
KONOHAGAKURE- LAST YEAR- THE DAY SASUKE DIED
Tsunade was telling Naruto; she had insisted it was her job as Hokage to inform the next of kin, of which Sasuke had only officially chosen one of them. That was how he found himself standing outside Sakura's apartment, scratching at the hands that had only hours ago been stained with Sasuke's blood. The looming rain from earlier in the day was now beginning to fall in gentle sheets, bouncing off the pavement and catching in the curls of leaves. He wondered if Tsunade had cleared the blood from the grass beneath the camphor, or if the rain would do it for her.
"I'm coming!"
How long had it been since he had knocked? It felt like such a long time. But Sakura hated to leave people waiting outside.
"Kakashi-sensei! Come inside, I was just getting ready. Do we have a mission?"
Her hair was damp and thrown into a messy knot at the top of her head, stray water droplets spilling down her neck and seeping into the neck of her grey cotton shirt. She looked relaxed. Bright. Full of energy and life and hope. She was looking at him strangely. Had she spoken to him? He couldn't remember.
"Mmm?"
"I asked if I could get you any tea," she said, stepping towards him with a frown creasing between her brows, "Are you alright? You don't look well."
She pushed him down into one of the chairs at her kitchen table, which was cluttered with medical texts and scrolls; a handful of hair ties; a blunted kunai; and a small potted plant still in its black plastic seedling case. Her hands were cold, he noted as he felt them press to his forehead.
"Kakashi-sensei?"
"Mmm?"
She pushed a mug of tea towards him, steaming hot and a pale green color, "Is everything alright? Did Tsunade-sama send you here?"
"Ah... yes."
She clicked her tongue and shifted towards him, "Did you catch the cold going around that the jounin squad brought back from Kiri? Honestly, I told you, Sai and Naruto to go by the hospital and get the vaccination, but only Naruto seemed to have listened. Half the shinobi in the village are sniffling and it's even worked it's way into the civilian district. Though I think Naruto only did it because I told him he would be allowed to see Sasuke if he got sick, his immune system is too weak to handle anything. He had that delivered to me today, you know."
She pointed at the tiny green plant as her hand glowed across his face, "It's a tomato plant, Inoichi-san says. I've never grown fruits and vegetables before, hopefully I can keep it alive. Maybe I'll try and grow some eggplants while I'm at it, then we could have it fresh in the spring. Or fall? I'm not sure what the season is for eggplants, but I'm sure I can find out. Did you know eggplants and tomatoes are related, how strange is that?"
She must not have seen many people today. She was rambling. His hands were itching. The tea tasted like nothing on his tongue. When had the rain gotten so loud?
"Kakashi-sensei?"
He looked up into her concerned green eyes and reached for her hand, guiding her down into the chair beside him. He had done this so many times before, and yet this felt like the first time he had pulled the words from his chest. Sakura worked in the hospital, he knew she was no stranger to death. But this... this was different.
"Sakura... we need to talk. About Sasuke."
KONOHAGAKURE- PRESENT DAY- THE UCHIHA COMPOUND
Kakashi and Tsunade were huddled together on the rotting wooden floors of Sasuke's childhood home- or at least what was left of it. Weeds and vines had overtaken the skeletal remains of the structure, drawing them down into the dirt with their sheer weight; wrapping tight around the eaves to suffocate the last remains of the clan who had once thrived there. Tsunade's lantern threw mangled shadows against the ground and up into the trees, adding an another level of eeriness to the compound. Tsunade ran her fingers through her hair.
"We have no way of knowing when Danzo could have removed the body; it may have been as recently as days before he died."
"But he took it," Kakashi said quietly, steepling his fingers before pushing them deep into the corners of his eyes, trying to ward away the shadows of pain lurking behind them, "Are you sure none of the Sharingan belonged to Sasuke? Not even one of them?"
Kakashi wasn't a medic nin, but even he knew that Sasuke being able to activate his sharingan until the day he died baffled even Tsunade. His body had been fraught with disease, his chakra channels narrowed and collapsing in on themselves, his own heart and lungs failing him- and yet something had kept his sharingan working against all odds. Danzo had to have been desperate to get his hands on them.
"Shizune's genetic testing is almost entirely accurate, and Sasuke was the first sample we tested against. For the sharingan to have even been viable, Danzo would have had to have the body within days of his burial. If it was something else he was after; Uchiha DNA, maybe..."
"Orochimaru is dead, what use would Uchiha DNA be to Danzo? I know there are other shinobi out there who dabble in that sort of thing, but even you have to admit that nobody was ever as successful as Orochimaru."
"Dammit, Kakashi, I don't know!"
Tsunade slammed her palm down on the floor, which moaned ominously before part of the structure crippled and collapsed, showering wood dust and plant life down onto their heads. Tsunade sighed and bent forward, elbows on her crossed legs and her head in her hands, ignoring the slivers of wood entangled in her hair.
"I don't know," she repeated quietly, the anger and usual spark of determination gone from her voice, "There's so much happening, so many things that don't make sense. Why not just attack the village; why try and make me seem like an unfit leader? What did Danzo want with Sasuke's remains- who the hell killed Danzo? This isn't some run of the mill missing nin, Kakashi. This is someone with a plan and they're dozens of steps ahead of us."
Kakashi ruffled his hair and looked out into the darkness of the rest of the compound, Tsunade's words fading into the distance. Even in death; it seemed Sasuke wouldn't be allowed to have peace.
"Hatake- are you even listening to me?"
"No."
Tsunade was by the door frame, lantern in hand to ensure she didn't lay her weight anywhere that wouldn't be able to support it. Her hands were filthy with grave dirt and moss stains, sweat and dust mingled on the slope of her forehead.
"I told you to go home. Have a bottle of sake; read that drivel Jiraiya churns out. If I think of anything you can do, I'll send for you. Until then, I don't suppose I have to explain to you how important it is that what happened here tonight stays between us."
She wanted him to go home as though nothing had happened. As though he wouldn't lay awake tonight wondering how long he had been talking to an empty coffin; spending hours sitting atop a robbed grave. Sasuke was dead and somehow he'd still found a way to let him down, not even noticing something was amiss. He had sent the dogs away as soon as he had finally glanced down inside the coffin, seeing nothing but the dark wood staring back up at him; Pakkun had protested- Kakashi had yelled. They would want to talk about it, and he knew he didn't have the energy. He wanted quiet comfort; warmth and stability.
He wanted Sakura.
The thought almost terrified him.
"I'll stay here." he finally decided, "I'll scout the area for clues; anything that might gives us an idea of who was here."
"Kakashi..."
Tsunade was crouched beside him, her mouth set in a firm line.
"...I'm sorry I have to do this. But I think it's for the best."
Her hand darted forward before he had a chance to ask what she meant. And then he felt nothing.
Heading north beyond the outskirts of Konoha, the trees began to thicken in both size and number, forcing Sakura to the ground when the branches disappeared beneath lush, dark leaves. Night would be all the cover she needed, and by dawn she would retreat back to the trees; it would likely slow her journey, but she wouldn't risk being seen by anyone who could question her. She had been awake since before dawn today, Naruto's arrival and concern about the Tsuchikage having hindered her ability to sleep. Now, however, the slight itch of tiredness was creeping at the corner of her eyes, and the temptation to rest was hard to resist. Had she not promised Tsunade she wouldn't stop until she reached a village she would have stopped right here. Instead she pushed forward, contemplating a solider pill or a hit of the coffee she had tucked into a small thermos. The closest village was at least five hours from her; four if she pushed herself hard.
The current problem, however, was that she couldn't shake the feeling she was being watched. It had started not long after she left Konoha, which had been easy to chalk up to an overhanging paranoia brought on by Tsunade's warning and the latest events. But as she moved further from the gates and deeper into Fire country, the prickle at the back of her neck and the raised hairs on her arm had her wondering if her mentor had been correct in her concerns. She leapt over a fallen tree branch, her feet almost slipping out from under her when she heard an unmistakable rustle from a tree not far away.
Don't get paranoid. Animals live in trees, Sakura. Remember that time you almost killed a squirrel.
Not her proudest moment. At least the team had let her bury it to ease her guilt.
Knowing she would never make it to the village without her paranoia getting the better of her, Sakura tugged at the base of her gloves and sighed. Sure to keep moving at her usual pace, she let one hand come down to give her hip pouch a sharp but barely noticeable yank. As predicted, it slipped away as she continued on, giving her the opportunity to stop and reach down. To the outside observer, if there happened to be one, she was merely gathering her spilled belongings so she could move on. Pouch refastened, she took off again, dodging between the trees with her shoulders tensed.
Waiting.
The echoing bang of an explosive tag rippled the trees around her and her heart leapt into her throat. Forcing the tag into the ground under the pretense of collecting her things was a trick she had used many times; the people following often didn't notice, and would walk directly into the trap. The explosion was proof that someone was following her, and now they knew she knew it. She clenched her fists, ready to turn and confront them before she paused, remembering Tsunade's warning. The smoke from the tag was clearing, but no shadowed figure emerged.
"Fight or flight, fight or flight, fight or flight," Sakura whispered, heart hammering so hard in her chest she could see her shirt jump to the beat. There was no immediate threat; and the tag had likely thrown them for a loop. If she ran, she would likely get away. The shinobi in her wanted to fight; eliminate the danger and you don't need to wait for it to creep up on you again. She had chosen the tag specifically to injure and not kill; to offer the person a warning that she knew she was being followed.
A twig cracked in half, somewhere off to her left but still far too close for comfort.
Sakura ran.
The sweet chirping of cricket song had filled the night air as she made her way back to the Hokage Tower, Kakashi having been placed gingerly on his bed under the disapproving gaze of his ninken. He would be angry with her in the morning, but that was a problem for her future self. She had seen Kakashi go through many hardships in his life, all of them scarring him in a way that nothing seemed to fully heal. Sasuke's death was still a fresh wound to him, she could see it every time he thought nobody was looking and his guard dropped for the barest moment. To know that what should have been Sasuke's final chance at peace had been disturbed, for reasons they didn't want to fathom, she knew if he was left to his own devices his thoughts would get the better of him.
The chunin guarding the entrance to the Tower bowed low as she approached, "Hokage-sama. I-"
He paused, back stiffening as she came into the light, no doubt looking a wreck between the grass stains and the caked mud on her knees and face. She waved a casual, dismissive hand in his direction when he snapped to attention, "Don't worry yourself, even the Hokage needs to let off some steam at the training grounds every now and then. You're dismissed for the night, I'll be returning home once I've gathered a few things I left behind."
He relaxed, giving her a tight smile and clearing his throat, "Ah, Jiraiya-sama arrived several minutes ago, I told him you had left earlier this evening but he insisted he come inside."
Of course he had.
Tsunade waited until the chunin was out of sight, long disappeared around the corner before she let herself into the building, relishing in the quiet that had settled into it. She could see Jiraiya's large silhouette in one of the chairs, paper and pen in hand.
"Getting in late, aren't we- what the hell, Tsunade?"
She really must look terrible, she mused with a half smile, watching as he looked her up and down in quiet horror. She gestured to the staircase, but didn't wait for him to follow.
"Any luck?"
"Maa, good news and bad news. Good news is that it looks like as soon as Danzo died, all of the curse seals on the ROOT members were lifted. Bad news, Danzo must have had at least some idea that it would happen- none of them had any idea about the sharingan-"
Tsunade grabbed Jiraiya's arm, ignoring his muffled wheeze of pain.
"You told them about it?"
Jiraiya rubbed his arm and sighed, "Do I look like an idiot to you? They won't remember in the morning, I had one of my toads get me something to make sure of it. It was hard enough rounding half of them up, they're still under the impression they're some secret society running in the darkness."
Tsunade sucked her teeth. Apparently more people in the village took her for an idiot than she had previously thought. The Third might have been naive enough to believe ROOT disbanded when it was supposed to, but she certainly wasn't. People like that, their personalities ripped away from them and squashed into the ground, they had few places to go but back into the underground.
"You wanted answers, I got you answers. They'll wake up with a headache, nothing worse than a hangover," he fell into step beside her still worrying his sore arm, "The better news, since you didn't ask, is that all of them seemed to be singing the same tune about Danzo. He had them running all kinds of operations underground; no scroll missions, black operations in other countries- he even had some of them bringing him medical supplies off the grid, probably so you or anyone at the hospital wouldn't need to examine him if he got sick. To be honest, none of them seemed too concerned he was dead even though they all supposedly so loyal."
Tsunade smirked, "There's a difference between loyalty and falling into line of someone who controls your life with a fist around your neck. Danzo never did seem to know the difference. They had no idea about the sharingan? They didn't mention his plans?"
Jiraiya rubbed his stubble and stifled a yawn, "Well, they said towards the end he started acting strange. Twitchy, you could say. He wouldn't leave his house without at least one ROOT member following him; he had someone keeping tabs on where he was at every moment, just in case for some reason he didn't show."
"He knew someone wanted to kill him?"
"A man like that? I'm surprised he wasn't looking over his shoulder every day of his life. Though I definitely think you put the fear of God into him some days. Other than that, none of them said anything too useful for right now. Those shinobi though- there's a lot of blood on their hands if what they alluded to is even scratching the surface."
Tsunade gave her office door a harder yank than strictly necessary, hearing the handle split under her fingers. She'd get Shizune to replace it in the morning.
"Now that Danzo's dead and the curse seals are gone, I'll give Ibiki permission to interrogate them- strictly above board. If they want to redeem themselves in my eyes, they can tell me every mission; every assassination; every black mark on their record and we can deal with it accordingly. If not... I think I'm tired of having the roots of this tree rotting away beneath us."
She let the implication hang in the air between them, unsure if Jiraiya would try and protest. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and she was getting tired of people trying to undermine her.
"What about Sai?" Jiraiya asked, "We know he's on our side now, he's done enough to prove it. Should we interrogate him?"
"Danzo knew Sai was a compromised member of the team, he hasn't seen the inside of a ROOT hideout in years. Team 7 certainly had their way with him."
She didn't bother to hide the touch of pride in her voice. Sai had spent his life being groomed by ROOT to be a killer, and now he was a, albeit only mostly, functioning member of the Konoha jounin group. She reached for a scroll of paper, scraping absently at the mud under her fingernails as she headed for her desk. She would need to tell Jiraiya what had happened tonight; if Danzo was the one who had exhumed Sasuke's body, she doubted he would have told anyone, even his most trusted confidants. ROOT might have been a dead end for now, but they had a new lead to follow.
"Tsunade- don't move."
She froze in place, decades of time being Jiraiya's teammate having ingrained a trust she had with very few people. Jiraiya was bent over her desk, kunai outstretched to touch something placed atop it. Her fingers twitched, the tension from Jiraiya's sudden shift in demeanor curled tight in her gut and aching for release. He finally beckoned her closer, deciding whatever it was to be harmless. She made her way over, still humming in her bones from the adrenaline he had caused. A plain, cream folder sat in the centre of her desk; a sleek red ribbon tied around it like a gift.
"Tell me that isn't what I think it is."
Her own handwriting along the side of the folder confirmed it.
Someone had delivered Hatake Kakashi's medical records directly to her desk.
"Could I get a room, please?"
The portly older woman behind the bar smiled as she wiped the inside of a tall glass with a rag. The evening crowd was small and quiet, mostly older men playing shogi over small cups of sake. She had never stopped in this village before, there rarely seemed a need to pause so close to Konoha, but the adrenaline from the forest was rushing in her ears and she knew it would be safer to lay low until the morning. She had stolen a large blue coat from a back porch, tucking a small handful of coin into the pocket of the one beside it with a mental apology. With her hair wrapped tight under her scarf, and her mission attire hidden below the thick fabric, she looked like any other weary traveller, simply looking for somewhere to rest.
"Bit late for such a sweet lady like you to be out on your own. Will someone be joining you?"
Sakura forced herself to smile, pulling to coat tighter around her chest, "No, just me. I'm passing through to visit my jii-chan in the north and I was too scared to keep going through the night. I'll only need a single room for this evening."
The woman set the glass on the stained countertop and fished underneath it, reappearing with a the jingle of metal on metal.
"Up the two staircases, last door on your left. No smoking, no visitors- especially the kind you pay for. We don't serve breakfast but there's a bakery down the street that opens at dawn. Plan your travels better next time, young lady... there's all kinds of sorts out in the forest these days. Don't know what that Hokage woman is doing down in that shinobi village; she should be cleaning up the riff raff we have to deal with, not teaching kids how to throw knives at each other-"
Sakura took the key in her hand and bowed before she headed towards the winding wooden staircase tucked away in the corner. She took the opportunity to cast her eyes around the room, making note of the exits and the clientele. The inn was modest, the first one she had come across when she passed the village gates. The outside was weathered and slightly run down; the interior walls showed grooves and gouges of kunai and shinobi weaponry, likely from the occasional bar brawl or unexpected ambush during a mission. A musty scent lingered in the air, mingled with a hint of something foul that made Sakura screw her nose up. Had this been any other mission she would have skipped over the town altogether, but with Tsunade's warning and her strict instructions, Sakura was willing to take the time. She had made it to the village in just under three and a half hours, midnight shrouding the tiny, quiet houses that lined the single main street. Her calves ached and her heart thundered, now-cold sweat sticking her clothes to her back and plastering her hair to the nape of her neck. Now with a clearer head, she felt almost stupid for her knee-jerk reaction. Anything could have been following her in the forest, she could have killed a hefty squirrel for all she knew now; especially since she had come across nothing but silence since the incident.
She let her mission pack drop onto the paisley bed cover and shed the coat, tossing it off into the corner and she stretched her arms above her head and gazed out the window. The village itself had no public lighting, only the glow from the inn windows or private homes illuminating the streets. The room was stifled with warm air, begging for the soft breeze to be let in. Sakura cracked the window the barest amount before lodging a kunai in the window runner, preventing it from being opened any further. The bathroom was small and cramped; a shower, sink and toilet squished into the room and illuminated by a flickering lightbulb. The water pressure was good, however, and the hot water rushed from the taps with almost no delay.
"This wasn't exactly how I envisioned my night," she mused quietly, letting the water run through her sweaty hair and over her sore muscles.
Envisioned it with a bit more Kakashi, she thought, scrubbing her face with her hands. Her decision to ask him to dinner had fuelled an almost giddy adrenaline in her that carried through most of the beginning of her mission, possible scenarios playing through her head to pass the time.
"Hey, Kakashi," she mumbled, scratching at her scalp, "Want to go for dinner? With me? On a date. Even though I was your student?"
She'd scratched that one immediately. Anything that could remind him of their age difference or past as teacher and student was going to be pushed off to the side. It occurred to her she'd never asked out a man before. Sasuke didn't count. Neji had been more of a mutual decision between the two of them, as had their break up. All of her dates before and after him had always been initiated by the man, though she was the one who had ended all of them. Sakura turned around and screwed up her nose when she caught sight of her reflection. The small bathroom setup placed the sink directly across from the clear glass of the shower, forcing her to see herself if she turned around. Sakura slicked back her hair and pouted the way she had seen Ino do, fluttering her eyelashes.
"Date me, Kakashi."
She snorted at herself and pulled her hair back into place.
"Ugh, this shouldn't be this hard. I'm a strong kunoichi, I've kicked all kinds of ass."
Sakura cranked the water heat, tipping her head back and letting it run across her face.
"Kakashi, I've been thinking," she said, breaking open the small bar of soap resting in the clamshell holder, "We've been spending a lot of time together, and I think maybe we could... spend more time together. No- Kakashi. I want to take you to dinner. Just the two of us. And maybe the night can end with some kissing?"
She knocked her head against the tiled wall and grunted. Everyone around her had coupled off so easily, it seemed. She would admit, only to herself and on one notable occasion after a little too much umeboshi and a tragic romance novel- to Pakkun- that she missed the comfort of another person in her life. Ino had Shikamaru; Hinata had finally pulled herself together and spoken to Naruto. She had seen the way Genma came up behind Shizune when he surprised her at work, bending down to kiss where her neck and shoulder met, making her eyes close and her lips curl. Even Tsunade had, in some form or another, Jiraiya. And beyond that, she thought with a flush in her cheeks that wasn't a result of the water temperature- there was only so long you could go without a physical presence.
Sakura slammed off the water with one hand and shook her head, sending water everywhere. She was had only just embraced the idea of asking her former sensei to dinner- she was not going to let her thoughts linger anywhere into that territory. Despite how good she knew he looked under his shirt; and the way his jounin pants clung to him in a way she could definitely appreciate. She'd been at the onsen when women had seen Kakashi enter on the other side, their giggles not nearly as quiet as they assumed as they gossiped about what they had heard about him and his attributes.
It had certainly been an enlightening trip to the bathhouse. That was for sure.
The small blue towel they provided was soft to her skin as she dried her hair, wiping her hand over the mirror and staring critically at her reflection. Her lack of sleep showed, two dark shadows cutting down below her eyes and a hood to her eyelids. She let her gaze drop lower, turning side to side to get a better view of her torso. She'd long since passed the days of glaring down other kunoichi, but there were days she certainly envied Ino and her gracefully curved hips; or Hinata's large chest. She cupped one breast, catching the stray water droplets that clung there while the other dropped to the flare of her waist into her hip. She smiled. Kakashi had definitely taken notice of her outfit that night on the training grounds. Maybe she would add something similar to her daily clothing rotation.
Sakura slipped into the black pants and large shirt she had packed for sleeping; practical in case of an attack, but still comfortable enough to fall asleep. Steam rushed out of the cramped room when she opened the door, mingling with the cold air coming in from the window. Most of the lights that had pocked marked the village were now extinguished, sending her window view into nothing but darkness. She would leave when dawn broke, hopefully mingling in among the men and women travelling to their jobs in the village surrounds.
She slipped beneath the covers of the small bed, punching the pillows to her desired fluffiness before snuggling into them. She heard the creak of the floorboards in the hall, followed by the jingling of keys and the low groan of a door opening and closing. And then silence.
"Kakashi... would you like to go out for dinner with me this weekend? I've enjoyed spending time with you lately, and I think..."
I know
"I think I'm interested in trying to be..."
A couple
Together
Friends...
with benefits?
Yours
"More than friends."
She smiled, suppressing a girlish squeal into her fist as she kicked her legs under the blanket.
She was going to finish this mission as fast as she could- and nothing was going to get in her way.
A/N- Happy season! Are you celebrating anything this time of year, or just hanging out until the New Year? I recently hosted a Christmas party because I decided I was an ADULT and I would do that. Never again. Ever.
Sakura practicing asking Kakashi out is based on how I asked out my boyfriend. We recently celebrated our 7 year anniversary and every year he loves to remind me that I seduced him with the phrase "Do you, wanna, uhm, could we go on a date or something? if you want. Only if you want."
It worked though, so I suppose he can't laugh too hard.
Thank you for everyone who reviewed, I'm so blown away by the response to this story.