Warning: profanity and homophobic slurs. Lots of self loathing, self-deprecating thoughts, mentions of suicide, depression, etc. Homophobia towards self. Trigger warning.

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The shadow realm was not at all what most people would expect. Most people imagine some sort of magical realm where all ghosts are. A real place like the Underworld. Or maybe you can just jump into a shadow behind your grandmother's cabinet where she kept her porcelains and be transported to this realm of weird plasma-like stuff.

In reality, it's just... dark. The shadow realm is where all of the mindless ghosts, shadows of people, live. We all have shadows. Our darkness reflected onto the ground caused by our bodies blocking beams of light that have travelled billions and trillions of miles just to be stopped from reaching its final destination because of you. They're just distorted versions of ourselves that trail behind us wherever we go, but we don't care. We walk all over them. Shadows are forgotten, and this was where the forgotten things go. Probably why he came here every time. He was always drawn back here, one way or another. Came to this forgotten place that isn't even a place. It's just darkness. Any darkness you see is the shadow realm. Not an entrance to a place, as most movies interpret it, it simply is.

The first few time he came he thought the voices were the shadows, but now he knew that was stupid. Shadows don't whisper. Nothing exists here. Once you come here, you don't exist, unless you're him. The voices were his own. With nothing else there, his own mind was free to go wherever it pleased, and who was he to stop it? He was just a shadow. Here, his mind was separate, detached from his body. Well, when was it ever attached? Besides, he didn't even have a body here. Here he was only his mind and his soul. No matter or physical being existed here.

Worthless.

Bianca

Selfish.

Percy.

Will.

Cutter.

Suicidal.

Gay.

Depressed.

Emo.

Mom.

Death.

Suicide.

Will.

Kill yourself.

Will.

Will.

Will.

There was no rhyme or reason to the words. Sometimes they were words, sometimes they were phrases, sometimes they were paragraphs. They were random, but had a recurring theme. The truth.

Reyna.

Unwanted.

Hazel.

Whip.

Pink.

Cupid.

Tartarus.

Monsters.

Misery.

Akhlys.

Perfect.

This would probably be where he would go when he died. In some ways it was worse than the Fields of Punishment. At least there, you could feel. You were someone. Here, you were just

Alone.

And sometimes, Nico thought that was best. He wasn't

Immature.

Homo.

Brat.

Faggot.

Annoying.

Here. He was free. He wasn't what he hated. He wasn't Nico di Angelo. He wasn't Nico di Angelo, and that was better than Elysium for him. This place was still worse than the Fields Of Punishment, but he would rather it be that way than anything else, so it was his Elysium, in a way.

Here, Nico di Angelo didn't exist. Bianca di Angelo didn't exist. Perseus Jackson didn't exist. William Solace didn't exist.

Here was just an infinite state of nothingness.

But still.

He would always eventually get drawn back out.

Amongst the whispers were slivers of hope. William Solace was something that pushed him here, but also drew him back out. Him and Hazel, Jason, and Reyna. Even Percy. As much as he hated it. As much as he struggled to stay, he would always be brought back. He wanted to stay. He really did. It was his only freedom. But... still. He could still hear murmurs of voices from the outside, time to time. In these voices he could hear hope. Maybe he could learn to completely change himself. He could learn to make himself worthy of all the love his friends gave him. Maybe he could even fix himself and try to go and get himself a girlfriend. There had to be a way to get over these feelings.

He would then begin to feel things, the things he heard would sound more clear, he would feel himself having a body again. Part of him would always want to claw his way back, back to the freedom of nothingness, but the rest of him would cling onto that childish hope. That maybe, just maybe, things could work out.

He felt a warm hand brush him. Where? He didn't know quite yet.

He felt warm lips. Mama? Bianca? No. They...they're gone. Then who?

He heard something. It was... nice. Soothing. Comforting, but not in the same way as the shadow realm. It was a... better kind of solace.

He slowly figured out it was a song. Only Bianca and his mother came to mind. They both would kiss him and hum to him, but the song was different.

Was he Nico di Angelo? Maybe he was someone else, and that was a dream. He would wake up to find two loving parents kissing him good night and singing him to sleep.

No... he... he was Nico di Angelo, unfortunately.

He could make out words. Sunshine... happy... dear... love... Who was this?

Only then did he realize it was Will. His Will was singing to him. He never did have an amazing singing voice, but he sounded so perfect right now. Like an angel. His sun angel. He listened to the song.

"You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When sky's are gray

You'll never know, dear

How much I love you

Please don't take my sunshine away

Please don't take my sunshine away..."

"I'm not going anywhere," he heard himself croak. He slowly blinked his eyes open to be greeted with an ecstatic and relieved Will.

"Nico!" Will cried.

He cupped Nico's face in his hand.

Nico fully returned to the real workd, regaining conciousness in his body. He felt his body reattach itself to his soul, which was as uncomfortable as it sounded.

Memories came flooding back. He remembered what had happened before he reentered the shadow realm. He was sure Will would hate him... but then why did he kiss him? And sing to him? And look so happy when he woke up?

"So, you don't hate me?" Nico cautiously asked.

Will nearly laughed, "No! No, of course not. I love you."

Nico shook his head, "No... no. I'm a monster. I nearly killed him. Worse. I nearly made him into a mindless ghost." He was tearing up now. No. Nico di Angelo does not cry. Pull yourself together.

"No... no. Don't think like that. Nearly. You nearly did it, but you didn't," Will tried to console him.

Nico shook his head again and completely blocked Will out after that. Will tried speaking to him, but he gave up eventually. Nico couldn't.

Will hates you.

You're a monster.

He wondered if he was still in the shadow realm.

To distract himself, he began picking at things, trying to look preoccupied. After a few moments the others returned. Will let go of Nico's hand, and Nico was honestly kind of upset about it. He hadn't even realized that they were holding hands, but that was because it just felt so... natural. And right.

Lou studied them for a second. Nico got a little nervous, so he looked away and noticed Giggles staring intently up at him. He quickly diverted his gaze to avoid eye contact.

"What's she doing here?" Nico asked.

"Oh hey, you're up," Cecil said. He sounded... apprehensive.

The little girl giggled.

"Well she kept following us, so we decided we might as well take her with us," Will answered.

Nico rolled his eyes, "You're going to get us killed some day."

"And you could've last night," Cecil said.

"Fair point," Nico responded. He was right. He was a monster.

"What?! No! Nico what happened last night was not your fault!" Will exclaimed.

"Don't listen to Cecil, he doesn't understand," Lou glared at him.

"Understand what?! Look, I like di Angelo as well. Not in that way," Cecil continued, giving Will a look, What was that about? "but that doesn't mean I have to go beating around the bush."

Lou was about to say something, but Nico said first, "Never thought Cecil would be the only one with sense in the group."

"Hey," Cecil protested.

"W-What?!" Will exclaimed.

"Nico stop that," Lou knelt by his bed. Nico was shocked she would want to approach him, "Don't beat yourself up over it."

"And why not?!" Nico said harshly, "I nearly obliterated his soul, for Hades' sake! He has every right to hate me, so I don't need your pity."

"Hold on, I never said I hated you," Cecil said.

"Well you should," Nico said.

"I was just saying. I-" Nico interrupted, "Cecil, it's fine. You don't have to apologize for being reasonable. You're wary of me, and that's the right thing to do. It's the sensible thing to do. I'm not even saying that in a self deprecating kind of way, I'm serious. Now it looks like you've all gotten a chance to freshen up, I'll go do that."

Will began to protest as Nico sat up but he was still ignoring him. He grabbed spare clothes, baby wipes, a toothbrush even though there was probably no sink, and left the tent.

From outside the tent, Nico could hear everything. Once he got outside, he assumed that there was no lavatory wherever they were, so he ducked behind a tree and changed. He prayed to the gods no one caught him.

He looked around. They were in a campground. Everyone there looked human enough.

Even after he finished, he stayed outside, wanting to hear what his quest mates had to say.

"Will, I-" Cecil began.

"No," Will but him off, "I don't want to hear it."

"In my defense-"

"Save it!"

"Look, Lou Ellen, I-"

"You don't have a clue what it's like. He's hurting and you just go saying stuff like that," Lou spit at him.

"Be reasonable."

"Be kind!"

"I still like him, I'm not trying to insult him or something, I'm just trying to-"

"Trying to what?"

"Agh! He could be dangerous! We've only known him for 4 days, how could you let your guard down so fast?! How could you trust him just like that?!"

"Because he is a hero." Woah. That was... That was Will! Will called him a hero?! "He risked his life carrying that statue back half way across the world just to help the people that never accepted him in the first place. And, in the first war, he convinced his father to join his brothers. He convinced his father to set aside a thousands of years old rivalry, just to help the camp. He is a hero, Cecil. That is why I trust him." He was breathing heavily now.

Will... Did Will really think that way about him?

Nico reentered the tent. He wanted to cry, but he pulled himself together and acted like nothing happened. He struggled to contain his joy and relief. Will didn't hate him!

"So, kiddo," Nico sat down on the bed, wanting to ease the tension, "If you're staying with us, then at least tell us your name."

The little girl looked up at him.

"Do you have a name?" Lou asked.

She just looked at her.

"Then we'll have to give you one," Will smiled, "Anyone have a suggestion?"

"Bianca," Nico said immediately.

She giggled.

"She likes it," Cecil said.

Nico didn't like or trust this little girl at all, and he didn't at all feel the same way about her as he did his sister, but... It just felt right. He would have wanted to place the honor of sharing her name on someone who he really loved and trusted, but... he still gave it to her.

"It's perfect," Will said, looking at Nico.

Nico smiled sadly back at him.

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This was a bonus chapter. I wanted to do this chapter in Nico's POV as well as Will's and so I did. Hope you guys enjoyed it, as well as my interpretation of what happens to Nico during shadow travel or when he begins to fade. When we all fall asleep, where do we go? (Yes, I am a huge Billie Eilish fan, fight me.) K, love you guys, bye