Date: January 3 2017
Location: Ymir's Apartment, Los Angeles, CA, United States
Time: 1900
It was probably at this point that Ymir was able to walk around without wincing in pain. She blushed furiously when Krista pointed it out and teased her when she couldn't get out of bed— her excuse was that she was still recovering. Ymir had taken to sitting in the living room as usual, resting as Krista was busy in the kitchen. As they weren't allowed to go on a honeymoon, out of fear Kaiju would attack, they ended up spending their time in their apartment.
The doorbell rang unexpectedly, Ymir got up to answer it, only finding that when she opened the door, she was shoved aside by a bundle of packages that were wheeled in by a moving cart.
"Presents for the newlyweds!" Hanji's voice rang as Ymir watched her move the gifts to the living room, the scientist went into the hallway. With regrets, Ymir poked her head out to see at least twelve more moving carts.
"Alright, how the fuck did you get that all up here without making a noise!?"
"There's more in the van!" Hanji chimed.
Ymir went into the kitchen and pointed at Hanji.
"See? This was why I can't sleep at night in the Shatterdome!"
Krista finished stirring the crock pot and went to see what the commotion was. Hanji was in and out of the apartment, delivering left over presents.
"How many did we actually receive?" Krista was stunned, hearing there was even more. When she glanced at Ymir, she realized her neck had marks all over. A slight limp was still in her walk, too. There was no way Hanji didn't notice.
Krista only thanked God Hanji didn't speak up about.
"We might as well," she went with Ymir to help unload the gifts.
They spent the next hour getting their gifts into the living room. It ended with Ymir grabbing a beer and plopping herself down on the couch, out of breath and sanity. Hanji, still bouncing about, was enthusiastically opening boxes with Krista, helping her go through their things and sorting them. Most were Thank-Yous in the form of house warming gifts and, for Ymir especially, at least five new saddles were given to her, complete with matching bridles and blankets for the horse. Everything was enough to take over the loft and parts of their room.
Ymir would have been happier if she weren't so damn sore.
"I take it you two had consummated your marriage quite well," Hanji let out, a knowing smirk playing on her lips.
Krista was stacking the boxes when she heard what Hanji said. The tower of boxes fell. Just when she thought the tension between all of them was lessening. Krista glanced over at Ymir. Her neck was the only visible part that Hanji could see. If she saw the rest, Krista knew she'd be laughing.
"We did," Krista shot back with a small, smug smile. Krista decided she'd join in a bit on the teasing and to lessen the awkwardness.
"Isn't that right, Ymir?"
"No, Hanji, all we did was play Twister," Ymir chuckled.
Hanji merely laughed along with her— Ymir knew she was trying to jest with them in her own way, just like normal. Soon enough, it grew quiet between them all, atmosphere heavy.
"Can I have something to drink? Water?" Hanji asked out of the blue after a few minutes.
"Oh, sure," Ymir graciously said, she got up and went to fetch a glass, then a bottle of vodka- the only way she knew Hanji would lower her walls to talk. She already seen the signs that she was here for more than just deliveries. She let the bottle and glass clink and lightly thud on the coffee table.
"Here, enjoy."
Krista raised an eyebrow at Ymir bringing out the harder drinks.
Hanji hesitated to take it, then took it, pouring it out for herself.
"You look like shit, you need this," Ymir blatantly told her.
"...thanks."
"So that's what you kids are calling it these days," Krista kept the joking going, knowing there was more than this.
"Water," she gave a short laugh, stacking the boxes back up to throw out later on. She kept an eye on the two as she tried her best to tidy the apartment as much as she could with all the clutter.
Ymir plopped herself back in her usual spot, arms crossed over, carefully watching Hanji though not making eye contact- she was staring her down.
"Well, vodka is mostly water."
"The solution is mostly of it too," Hanji pointed out as she drank slowly.
"You know that we're on our honeymoon—"
"—I know—"
"—then why are you here?"
Hanji grew quiet, a stalemate had been reached. She wanted to hear Hanji say it directly, to admit what Krista didn't see in the Drift, but the woman wasn't saying it at all. She was hesitant.
"You're our coordinator, our authority, it shouldn't be escalating into anything else. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not Ilse?"
"It'll never be enough, it seems," Hanji sighed, dejected.
Krista sat by Ymir, trying to understand what Hanji had to say.
"Tell me what's going through your head," Khe told Hanji, frowning. She couldn't catch why this kept coming back up. During the wedding's after-party, Nanaba apologized for her behavior towards Krista, but not to Ymir. Krista accepted it for work-concerns and because she knew Nanaba was only trying to look out for her.
It was left as that.
Nothing more.
But with Hanji it never ceased.
"Ymir, the Drift—you know you can't hide in there—"
"This is real life. I know things that Krista doesn't," Ymir started.
"I can't believe I'm having this talk with you, of all people on this planet. You ran it by me in there but I'm not moving until Krista says so, because we're married."
Hanji looked slightly pained at hearing that last word.
"Had you gone to her and spoke to her about it at all?" Ymir asked.
"I had, back at my place when I went up to get water, I sobered up and tried to tell her. I didn't know she hadn't to you."
"Alright," Ymir slowly said, processing it.
"And it was left at that?"
"Yes. What...I feel for Ilse, it got transferred over to you; it's a two way street and your emotions for Krista fell into me."
"I know you had a lingering thing for me, but again—"
"—you're not Ilse."
"Exactly. All I wanted was to see Ilse again, it really was, but I didn't mean for those thoughts to cross over. I was desperate, Ymir, and now I'm at lost of what to do."
Krista glanced at Ymir.
"Are you attracted to Hanji?" She didn't want to beat around the topic. She averted her gaze to Hanji.
"And you want a chance," she didn't say much more to Hanji. Her mind was reeling. She didn't even have enough time to process their honeymoon with the distraction. Everything was back in her face.
"I can't be," Ymir admitted.
Hanji merely nodded, she drank some more to calm herself. She had changed over the weeks since her Drift with Ymir. Her eyes weren't glistening with curiosity and excitement, passion; they had grown dull, void. Dark bags had formed and, quite alarmingly, she looked thinner and dirtier, as though she was neglecting to care for herself.
Ymir couldn't help but pity her, just pity.
The woman had been breaking over that period. Surely she would get better someday but she wouldn't be the same after the Drift. Not ever.
Krista didn't know what to say. She was at a loss of words. Hanji had become a closer friend to her. Seeing her hurt and sad all the time... Krista couldn't help but feel guilty that she took Ymir away in a sense.
"Ymir," Krista looked up at her wife, "do you want to kiss Hanji?"
"Because we already know Hanji wants to kiss you."
What am I saying?
"You're really pitiful y'know that?" Ymir said to Hanji, she didn't answer Krista's question but her words stung, confirming a negative answer.
Hanji was crestfallen at this, she drank some more.
"And stop drinking—"
"Who are you to tell me that?" Hanji mumbled.
"Not Ilse, definitely not her—"
"Stop… just stop reminding me what I already know. You know how it feels, waking up one day and finding that someone who understood you is no longer there… Someone you trusted… Then you get to work where many depend on your calculations that nothing would kill them. You see the ghost of that person every day, every second, as you're trying to keep a hold of yourself while trying to not let it slip away— you know that, Ymir…Then you slap in my face that you're not Ilse— I know that. I know it. Why do you have to remind me?" She didn't yell, nor did she snap, it was more of her begging.
A sense of guilt came over Ymir.
"Why do you keep me then? You could switch off to another team if you wanted."
"I just said it. I don't want the last of what I have left to go...I don't want it to leave."
"Ymir is married to me," Krista couldn't stand it anymore. Her patience wore thing now. She slammed one of the boxes down onto the tower, making it crash.
"She is with me. Nobody else," she kept her voice stern, trying her best to not boil over. Constantly seeing Hanji look at Ymir, seeing that longing, it was making her feel uncomfortable. Nobody had the right to look at her wife that way.
"You want Ilse? Right? I will give her to you," Krista confessed, getting up.
"I see her now! Drift with me in that stupid contraption of yours and she's yours! Just leave Ymir alone," Krista felt angry and that Hanji was being intolerable for coming during their honeymoon. Who did that?
Krista kicked boxes out of her way as she went to the bedroom, slamming the door, and locking it. She didn't want to deal with either of them right now. Ymir shouldn't have given Hanji the vodka.
"...you straight to drive?" Ymir asked Hanji.
Hanji shook her head.
"...I came by taxi, actually...I followed the delivery truck here…"
"Good God, you scare me, woman."
Ymir went over to her and grabbed her by her shoulders, hauling her up.
"C'mon, I'll give you money, just get out of here."
She fished out her wallet and gave her a hundred, making sure it was enough for her to get home. Once she made sure she was out the door, she closed it and locked it, turning the lock three times to make sure it was locked. She looked over at where Hanji sat. She had left a piece of chocolate. Ymir stared at it then at the door of their bedroom.
Ymir hoped she didn't hear right when Krista said she was seeing Ilse.
-...-
A familiar presence entered the room.
"Not you, too," she fought back angry tears, not having to look up to know it was Ilse.
"Is it possible for the dead to regret dying?" Ilse asked of as she stood in the room, she didn't get close to her—she sat down against the wall, facing the mound of sheets.
"Hanji is...usually smarter than that, she's not being herself. The one I knew wouldn't do that, never."
"Did she also have poor manners? Thinking to bring all of this up during out honeymoon?" Krista seethed beyond her tears. She angrily wiped at her face again.
"Ymir is mine. You were Hanji's, you idiot. If you weren't such a martyr-" Krista stopped her train of thought, feeling like a hypocrite. She glared towards Ilse and went back to brooding in her self-made fortress.
"Don't ever call me a martyr, I didn't die for my belief, it was just miscalculation," Ilse deadpanned. She brushed it away.
"To hear you say it though...hm, Hanji is different, I can assure you that. The woman can tell you exactly what makes you sick with just a single glance at your body but she can't tell you that she'd have emotions— she fumbles around..."
Ilse laughed under her breath.
"Ymir used to be like that, I suppose that's why I fell for Hanji. It was like...it was like being with the Ymir before life got the best of her, twisted her up into what she is now. Dangerously smart, willing to take risks, unable to utter a word when around someone who they like, they were almost similar that way. As a result...she fucks up in the social aspect in life."
"Either way, you died," Krista felt bitter but immediately felt bad.
"Sorry," she apologized.
Krista glanced at Ilse.
"That's what you have to say...you're not against what she's feeling despite that Ymir and I are married now?" Krista asked.
"Wait, no—I actually don't want to know the answer. Please," Krista closed herself off, "please, go away."
"Who knows? When Ymir Drifted with you for that last Kaiju, all of what Hanji had for me was compartmentalized onto me- think of it as upgrading your computer with new data. It's like...updating what I've felt in life to what Ymir had seen in hers. Then again, things change during exchanges, perhaps I'm not going against it because somewhere in your head, which is me, is not against it."
She shrugged as she got up.
"I'm a part of you now. A part that you're not realizing is in you. Perhaps you're not wholly against it yourself, think of that, though that's my own judgment— I'm only based off of memories, I'm not the real one."
She headed for the door, which didn't open, she merely glided through it despite making movements to open it. She was gone and Krista was left to herself.
Krista glared at Ilse's retreating form when she left. What could she possibly know?
Krista only loved Ymir. The idea of Hanji being with her didn't seem right when she had Ymir, but she wasn't mortified by it.
"Shut up," Krista growled when Ilse left. She buried further under the blankets, trying to hide from what Hanji had sparked.
-...-
Ymir had passed out on the couch, up passed midnight. She wanted to check on Krista, but she had closed her out by locking the door. With nothing to do, she fell asleep, troubled thoughts coursed through her head when she stirred. She woke up, facing the ceiling.
Her? Kiss Hanji? That's absurd.
She thought back to when Ilse had recently been lost—Hanji had tried to approach her numerous times in the attempt to get closer to her, but she brushed her off in grief, not knowing what Ilse meant to the coordinator. Besides, she had no interest in her to begin with, the woman was too eccentric for her own tastes, someone who made her anxious.
Though her mind traveled, wondering what would have happened.
She had to smoke now, had to. She reached for her pack and smoked one, thinking.
Krista felt tired, but she couldn't sleep no matter how long she laid there. Every now and then Ilse would be seen in the room when she thought she was going to sleep, causing her wake up even more.
Standing up, Krista went out of the room to grab a glass of water. Actual water.
Ymir was awake and on the couch, smoking. Krista didn't say anything as she went around and into the kitchen, filling a small glass and sipping it. She hoped Ymir wouldn't bring it up. Hanji had only been causing problems once they learned of it. She wished...that they didn't think about it at all...She wished she didn't care for her wellbeing just so she could push it off and only think of her and Ymir.
"Krista, I want a new coordinator," Ymir blurted out of nowhere, her mind made up.
Krista put her glass back into the sink with a sigh. She knew that their night couldn't be quiet. Asking if Ymir could forget it would be worthless.
"I won't ask why, because I know," she went back into the living room. She sat nearby Ymir but with some distance. When she looked over, Ymir was still riddled with love marks all over her neck. Krista couldn't be mad for too long as she scooted close to her, kissing her cheek.
"But do you think it's justified?" Krista frowned.
"I can't even say that without cringing," Krista mumbled, leaning forward, putting her head into her hands.
"She's good at what she does, but what she's doing to us…" Krista didn't want to say her name right now.
"We know she would fight for us if something went wrong. She said so herself...she doesn't want to lose the last thing that reminds her of Ilse…" Krista emphasized. She didn't want to take the chances of letting Hanji go and having someone who could ruin Ymir's chances of being free, but she wasn't happy with how Hanji was treating them. Technically, she was married to a prisoner. Nobody said what she would become if all of this was over. That didn't sit well in her stomach, knowing that Ymir was in danger to go back to prison and face death penalty. She wanted to put as much as she could between that possibility. Even if it meant allowing the scientist to cause drama.
"She's causing us a problem, and I don't live with problems," Ymir reasoned, but she listened carefully.
"...but if it's true then, her only use is to help us out." She nodded slowly.
"We'll just use her for the next...Three years until I've done my time—once that time is up, I'll stay here or move back to Acton, or keep fighting, whatever you want to do for the rest of our lives."
To use someone.
It wasn't the first time Krista had done it, but she didn't want to admit it.
"She's our friend," she clarified, but more so to coax herself into the idea, "and she has misplaced her feelings. If we can stick it out, things will get better, and we will still have a good coordinator and friend."
"We'll figure it out then, Ymir." Krista kissed Ymir's cheek again. Hopefully they'd all be free from this hell.
"...yeah, we'll figure it out," Ymir said, agreeing with her slowly," though I'd prefer her as a coordinator. Nothing more, again, problems.
"She already knew beforehand I wouldn't accept her, yet she presses on- it's tragic on her part, I really do pity her." She undid her clip and let her hair flow free.
"...what if I get rid of the freckles? Huh?" She tried to lighten up the mood.
"Don't you dare," a smile played across Krista's lips, "what else would I have to kiss?"
"Well, there are my lips to kiss," Ymir thought.
Krista ran her hands through Ymir's hair, brushing it out. Krista didn't want to comment any more on Hanji's situation. It made her feel guilty enough, but it wasn't going to solve anything feeling it. She doubted Ymir felt that way for Nanaba at all. At least she knew when she lost her chance.
"You know how much I love your freckles," she pressed on.
"What's so good about them? It's like someone took a paint brush, dotted my face and spread the rest over my body. I don't get your obsession with counting them too, I thought by now you'd have a number— is something distracting you?
Krista scooted over, pulling Ymir down to rest her head in her lap. She gently went to tucking strands of hair away from her face.
"I know, but your freckles are nice, too." She gently caressed Ymir's face, eyeing the marks.
"They make you who you are. I like seeing the shapes of them. I also like to know where they lead," she gave a small, impish smile.
"I often get distracted where they go," she put her index and middle fingers down like a dancer and gently walked them down to Ymir's hip and stopped, laughing gently.
"Where they go? May as well ask if there's signs on my body declaring to touch there," she snorted out a laugh. She watched her hand and smiled— it was rare for her to play with another person like this, she doubted she'd be able to with anyone else. Her arms went up to wrap around her waist, holding her close. Krista crinkled her nose with a smile, leaning down and kissing Ymir with a soft giggle. Krista didn't sit straight up, she kept her face close to Ymir. Her blonde hair was a curtain from the outside world. It was only them right now.
"...I hope there's not going to be an attack any time soon."
"I hope the same. At least not during our honeymoon week," she gave softer kisses on Ymir's freckled cheek.
"If I had to guess," Krista ventured, "your freckles are more Stop signs than paths. They demand me to—
"—Really? It'd take all day for you to go through all of them—
"—STOP AND KISS THEM!" Krista attacked Ymir's face with kisses and pulled away, laughing.
"—hey!" Ymir sat up when she pulled away, grabbed her and dragged her into her lap to simply hold her close. Krista laughed more when Ymir brought her into her lap as punishment. Embracing her like this, it was one of her more enjoyable pastimes other than the drinking or smoking— if anything they'd rather do that than those. She buried her nose against Krista's next to take in her scent. She wrapped her arms around Ymir's neck, rubbing her nose against her. Krista couldn't stop laughing the more she was closer to Ymir till tears were going down her face.
"I-I-I'm so sorry!" She snickered, trying to halt the assault.
"N-not really though," she covered her mouth, attempting again and again but couldn't.
"I never realized till now—oh goodness—how bad your neck is," she buried her face into Ymir's neck, giggling.
"You look so beaten up! We will be going back and Sasha would have to call Domestic Abuse!" Krista laughed more. She did feel a little bad, but the smugness at seeing the marks overwhelmed it.
"I could imagine the people just staring at us, wondering how bad we wrecked each other. In truth, I'd just smile at them and hope for them to pick up more signs themselves." Ymir ran her hand through her hair.
"I could imagine Sasha screaming..."
Ymir made the pitch of her voice higher, mimicking the woman.
"Oh sweet Jesus, ya' look like a Kaiju fucked ya, up!"
Krista kissed Ymir's lips, shushing her.
"That sounds too much like her," she agreed in small bouts of giggles. She eventually calmed down and went to inspecting Ymir's neck closer. She never realized that she left so many marks.
"Good thing we didn't go to the Shatterdome then." She put her head down on Ymir's shoulder. She could smell cigarettes and Ymir's natural scent. She buried her nose deep into her shirt. Drowsiness was getting to her but she still felt weighed down from today's events.
"We should take a shower together," Krista pulled away, hesitantly sliding out of Ymir's lap.
"Shower...? Well, the shower is pretty large, it can fit both of us."
"C'mon," Krista took Ymir's hand, pulling her up.
"I will wash your hair for you," she led her through the hallway.
She got up, following her closely into the bedroom. They ventured to the bathroom. It had white tiles and granite surfacing for the counters. The shower itself was in the far right, tucked between a wall that blocked off a storage closet and then a window that was tinted but provided a view of the city rooftops.
Ymir went into it to turn the tap and then to the sink to look at her reflection. While doing so, she undid her clip and let her hair loose. Krista immediately set to stripping down. She put her clothes in the hamper nearby. She went to the window and opened it just a crack. The January air hit her body, sending it with chilling goosebumps. As the shower's water became hotter, the steam intensified against the cold air.
Just how Krista liked her showers—steaming.
Krista kept watching the steam until she knew the bathroom would be in a shroud soon. She walked over to her wife, wrapping her arms around Ymir's hips.
"Get undressed," she began to help Ymir out of her shirt.
Ymir slid out of it carefully, body still sore. She winced slightly and grinned at her, cloth brushing over until they were tossed to the hamper. Her pants were removed and tossed as well, Krista led her into the hot shower— the steam that rose felt warm against her skin, soothing her. She breathed deeply and stood underneath the falling water, letting herself get drenched in it. Ymir rubbed her face, her eyes, wiping away the grime that accumulated. Krista watched the water slide down Ymir, curving at muscles and dips. The bite marks on Ymir's back were purple and red. A combination that was quickly becoming Krista's favorite colors. A quick glance over her shoulder, the blond was standing by her— she reached out to her and held her close, kissing her atop her forehead. The warm droplets from Ymir's hair and skin were welcoming. Krista leaned up, kissing Ymir's chin.
Again, her eyes were sent wandering by the trail of marks and freckles. She had to pull away as her gaze went lower.
"Did you want me to wash your hair?" Krista's eyes came back up but with a new found glint. Before Ymir could even ask, Krista was grabbing the shampoo.
Ymir only watched her, her own mouth ajar, and then she closed it and leaned down for her, chuckling.
"Go ahead and do it." She closed her eyes, waiting for her to lather her hair. Krista ran her hands through Ymir's hair. She put her fingertips to Ymir's scalp and began to thoroughly massage her as she scrubbed. Krista couldn't stop herself from leaning down, kissing a mark on Ymir's shoulder that was very light compared to the others. She also couldn't help it when she went to making it darker.
Ymir cracked open an eye when she felt those lips on her shoulder.
"I thought this was only a shower." Her body still ached, probably from past traumas, coupling that was from that rough, though fun, night with her.
"Mm, Krista?"
Krista pulled away from Ymir's shoulder, reveling in her handiwork.
"It is," she replied, rubbing her fingertips behind Ymir's ears.
"My hands are up where they should be, and I was only kissing your shoulder," as innocent as ever.
Ymir shrugged, mind only set to taking a shower, she was still waiting for her to finish up; Krista was taking her time doing so. She leaned her head into her hand, almost like a dog, she closed her eyes as the aroma of water and shampoo came to her, the heat from the water eased her tense muscles, and she was relaxing from the calming atmosphere. Her stress levels dwindled, thoughts of Hanji were washed away and she was finally able to slip into a peaceful lull with her wife.
"Alright then."
"Would you like me to condition your hair, too?" Her hands went down to Ymir's shoulders, gently rubbing out any tenseness she could find.
Her muscles contracted for a moment, loosened, and then softened, she softly groaned, nodding to her as she disregarded the issues they faced. It was just them in the shower, them alone and no one else— she'd rather keep it that way, forever. Krista had to watch her hands when they went to Ymir's shoulder blades to give them the same service as her shoulders.
"Keep your eyes closed," she said as she brought Ymir's head back under the stream of water. She briskly ran her fingers through her hair to wash out any remaining shampoo.
"Tilt your head back out—yeah," she applied conditioner on her hands and worked it into Ymir's hair. The moan her wife gave only urged her on. She recalled Ymir complaining about being sore as hell, as she put it, all day. It was time for Krista to repay her by letting her relax as she washed her.
Ymir complied without having to speak. It was almost like the tension disappeared, no longer needing to exist in her—she let out a pleased sigh.
Ilse sat at the edge of the tub, her outline was seen through the foggy window— in her hand was a spoon and then in another a cup of ice cream. The metal clinked though she was never in sight or mind of Ymir, only Krista.
"Sounds like you got her all calm, never seen her like that in my life." She licked the spoon teasingly before dipping it in.
"...I'm jealous."
Krista didn't stop pampering Ymir as she heard Ilse's commentary. She did however glance where her silhouette was and gave a short glare. Krista stopped being surprised when Ilse would unexpectedly pop up when others were around.
"I'm glad you're liking this," Krista smiled to Ymir even if she couldn't see it. She gave extra attention at the back of Ymir's head, above her neck, where the skin was sensitive. She rubbed her fingertips lovingly into her.
Ymir gasped, her face grew flushed, eyes opened in lazy surprise.
"Krista..."
"She likes that a lot, you'll set her off while doing that," Ilse inputted, she ate slowly, enjoying the sensual show. She crossed one leg over and reclined against the wall, relaxing herself.
"Oh, Krista, my back is always killing me, Krista, please rub the kink out." Ilse chuckled.
"Never lets anyone touch her back, that's sort of a weak spot."
"If you keep making those sounds," Krista kissed the back of Ymir's head, "You'll make my hands wander."
Krista kept her eyes on Ymir.
It was only a figment. If she didn't think about it, if she kept her mind on Ymir, it would go away.
"I'm only in this for the shower—"
"Buuuuuullshit~," Ilse chimed.
"—hah, Krista," Ymir murmured softly, feeling her lips press against her— her hands were still kneading her neck.
"But you're making this more than that."
"Like I said, my hands are exactly where they should be," she moved them away from Ymir's neck, feeling uncomfortable with Ilse watching.
"Close your eyes," she said as she washed off all the conditioner from Ymir's hair. When she came out of the spray, Krista gave her shoulder a gentle kiss.
"How was it?" She smiled, trying to seek comfort and protection in Ymir's words.
Ilse simply laughed to herself and got up, she waved at them and disappeared around the corner, leaving them to have their private time.
"I loved it," Ymir said with a smile, it faltered when those hands drew away, "why'd you stop, though?"
She finally opened her eyes and looked down at her once she straightened up. She noticed something off. Immediately she knew.
"You see her, don't you?" She pulled her close into an embrace, her own hand brushing through her hair as she guided her under the water.
"Just listen to me, it's only me and you in here, no Kaiju, no Ilse, just us."
Krista didn't realize her face was distorted in discomfort. Shakily, she hid herself in Ymir's arms, trying to believe thoroughly it was just Ymir and her. She pulled away, looking beyond the glass and saw nothing.
Ymir was right. Nobody else was here.
Krista slowly went back into Ymir's hug, closing her eyes.
"Just us," the words brought back nostalgia of a moment that she couldn't quite remember.
"We were fighting Drakos," Ymir recalled as she wet her hair.
"Just you and me...it's like that against life now—you and me, together. Those voices you hear, the people you think you see, it's just an illusion based on nothing. They aren't there, it's just us." She had to remind herself many times during her recovering months that it was just her and Kirsta. When placed under the Drift with Krista to be rid of her problem of hallucinating, she held fast to her belief; it was only her and Krista against it all.
"Just you and me..."
Krista kept her eyes closed, almost afraid if she opened them that Ilse would be tapping on the glass door, making crude remarks. That she only hid to make Krista let her guard back down.
"Right," she heard Ymir talking. Not Ilse. She kept her focus on Ymir's voice—her usual growl was softened but not gone.
"I know," she pulled away from Ymir when she felt it was safe. She opened her eyes and she didn't feel Ilse nearby. She gave a small, weak smile, trying to forget what had happened.
Ymir kissed her forehead.
"You wanna be washed too?"
"That'd be nice," Krista knew Ymir's hands would serve to relax her from her worried mind.
Ymir went to get a good amount of shampoo to lather her hair, she was careful to start off with; despite her hands being rough she always tried to treat delicate tasks gently. Her fingers coursed through the golden locks, making sure that she got lathered up. She massaged her skin, going deeply enough to where she could course her hand well. Krista felt her shoulders release their rigid state, unaware she was that tense to begin with. Her jaw ached as it went slack from Ymir's fingertips. She leaned into Ymir's touch, eventually having her back against Ymir.
"That feels great," she sighed.
"It does," Ymir murmured, she went on, making sure that when they were done, her hair would come out softer. She got her under the water, rinsing her out well.
"Conditioner?"
"Yes, please," Krista felt herself guided out. She had a smile on her face as she tilted her head to kiss Ymir's cheek.
"Thank you."
Ymir merely smiled, then gave her the same treatment for her with the conditioner. She made sure to wash her thoroughly, slow, getting every part of her.
"Anything for you."
Krista gave a pleased smile.
"So romantic now," a hand went behind her and cupped the side of Ymir's arm.
"Didn't I say one time that by the end of our wedding night, you'd be a new woman? I guess I was right," she gave a small giggle.
"Shut up," Ymir teasingly scoffed. She slightly blushed and went to rinse out her hair again.
"Done."
Krista pulled away from Ymir, running her hands through her own hair to ensure all the soap was rinsed. Satisfied with the job, Krista went to washing her own body with the soap, occasionally dabbing stray bubbles from her fingers to Ymir's nose. Ymir went cross-eyed for a moment before she realized that she had soap on her nose. She wiped it off and went to cleaning herself. Once done, she stood under the water for a bit longer, savoring the warmth for a final moment.
Krista turned the shower off. She felt the water slide off of her as she went to slide the glass doors open, revealing nobody was behind it or in the same room.
It was only them.
Krista stepped out, grabbing her two towels. She wrapped her hair in one and the other around her body.
She went into their bedroom.
No one.
Ymir was right.
Only them.
Ymir stayed back, drying herself with her own towels. She found herself looking at the mirror again, checking her scars, each of them had a story though the vast majority now shared the same one. It never bothered her to have a marred body now, only that she knew someone was watching her and appreciating it. She felt something tug at her heart, almost like regret, but Krista accepted her as she was. She dismissed the imperfections and went off to dry her skin and hair. Once done, she went to the bedroom and plopped herself on the bed, not bothering to clothe herself.
Krista went back into the bathroom, grabbing the blow dryer and went to working out her hair. The cold air was seeping and beginning to take hold of the room. Goosebumps went up Krista's arms and body as her hair finally was dry as she combed it. She went about doing her nightly ritual of self-grooming. When she was done, she washed off the facial mask and closed the window. She hung the towels back on their respective places and went into the bedroom to find Ymir was on the bed, naked.
Uncertain, Krista went to the bedside, sitting near her wife.
"Why aren't you dressed?" She was more concerned if there was a motive behind it, or if Ymir couldn't be bothered.
"I don't feel like getting dressed," she said, stretching and yawning, though she was smiling at her reaction.
"What? I can't be naked on my property?"
Krista smiled at Ymir, shaking her head and getting up.
"No, no, I was just curious," she went to the corner of the room where she left Ymir's over-sized shirt. She pulled it over her and readjusted her hair. She crawled on the bed until she was next to Ymir. She curled up by her wife's side, wrapping her arms around her, and savoring the heat that radiated from her. Her mind was still swirling over the idea Ilse was starting to intrude more in their lives. Everything she thought was only hers and Ymir's was slowly being taken away from her. Their apartment wasn't safe from Ilse or Hanji. Their Shatterdome bunkers were not better off. Even their moments in the shower weren't in private. The lack of comfort and seclusion Krista desired with Ymir was all slowly being taken away. Just as the world would love to try and take Ymir away, too.
All these things were burying Krista under anxiety in the night—will she ever find happiness together with Ymir, or will they always be fighting for it?
Is Ymir going to be forgiven and live freely after her time, or will she be sent to prison and Krista would have to live with knowing her wife was in a musty, cold cell?
"Ymir," she closed her eyes, physically weary. Her mind was worn down but could not rest.
"What do you plan to do after all this—when your time is up at the Jaeger Program?" She ventured.
"Me?" Ymir simply laughed.
"Leave it, of course, I was only in it for Ilse and to get out of death row. When this is over, I was planning on buying a house somewhere with forests, could be up in Northern California, Oregon, or Washington even. Have a ranch, settled down, maybe get married, though that was always the last on the agenda, raise animals..." She got up and went to get herself clothed.
"Just live off of what I make, then invest in stuff, maybe do real estate or something," Ymir said, "my degree now isn't useful after this, I don't plan on working on anything- just live like I usually do, only away from people. I'm done with them. My plan isn't much, so I'd go with whatever you do, you're my wife after all."
Krista kept listening as she pulled away from her. The vacancy penetrated deep into Krista. That Ymir got up and left without saying she would, or that she'd not realize how few their moments alone were. Ymir's words were falling short on her ears as she kept staring at the space where she was.
"Oregon sounds nice," Krista spoke. Washington held memories she'd rather forget, California was no better.
"I heard the Oregon coast is wonderful. I'm sure when the time comes, I'd like to take our family to the beach for picnics." Anything to keep her mind off of the discomfort she was feeling now was welcomed. Images of small feet, pitter-patting on the wet, sandy shoreline, Ymir hollering for them to be careful as the tide came in, and Krista laughing with little seashells being given to her from grubby hands.
"It would be nice and quiet. Nothing to bother us." Krista's eyes were distant as she kept imagining a brighter future where her and Ymir and their child, or children, would live quietly and happily. Something to forget that things were still crumbling despite the wedding.
"Oregon…? I like the idea better," Ymir said thoughtfully, she slid on a random shirt and some panties. She went back to Krista and laid back down to hold her. She went on her back, scooped her up, and had her lay atop her. She kissed her forehead.
"That place is nice, been there a couple times. Very relaxing place." She smiled fondly.
"It'll just be us...family and all. No one to bark orders at us, no one to tell us we can't do as we please, we'll be free there. I'll be free." She smiled at the thought.
"Free from everything." The thought of chains no longer fettering her was enough to get her hopes up, her eyes gleamed of that happiness. A dream.
Krista felt her body ease on Ymir. She could feel the calm beating in Ymir's chest as she held her ear close to her torso. In a swoop Ymir was able to calm her down just by holding her, as if everything was going to be fine. Krista held onto that hope and silent promise.
"How many kids do you want to have?" She asked while her mind was painting the picture of their future. Was there one kid darting across the shore, searching for seashells, or were there two building a sandcastle? Maybe even three, two of them in the shallow, splashing about, and the third refusing to be sat down from Ymir's hold? Maybe even four on a picnic blanket, eating oranges and laughing when Ymir yelps and chases a scared crab back to the water, holding her injured rear?
The very thought made her smile warmly. An ache deep inside of her heart began at the thought of a simpler life.
"...I was thinking of having twenty horses," Ymir admitted, "I never wanted kids, never thought I can handle them much."
Ymir huffed out a laugh.
"If anything, I'd say maybe two, just like me and Ilse. Our parents raised us right, somewhat...alright, maybe not. A big family is too much for me to even think of. But whatever you want, I'll follow." It was a tendency she had. Whatever the conditions were for whoever she was with, she'd follow them to the dot, disregarding her own desires and comforts— kids were the last things Ymir ever wanted but if it were Krista's desire, she would comply.
"Being an only child is lonely...I wouldn't want them to be lonely." Krista remembered wondering if she'd ever have a brother or sister, someone to share laughter and pain with, but she was isolated and had to hold the entire burden herself.
"It's better for the kid to not be lonely. I had Ilse...and that bond we had, it's enough to kill someone, make it two. When I asked her again why she did that, she told me in the most simplest manner, 'You're my sister,' and then after that, she really was. I honestly...I honestly wouldn't have done that for her back then, but now I would. And I'd do it a dozen times if it could bring her back, though life's life." She stared up at the ceiling, a thought crossed her.
"...I don't know where my father is. He up and gone after my mother went crazy, well, more than crazier than normal." Krista never heard Ymir talk much about her parents. She lifted her head up to read her expression, but only found her face in thought. She returned her head back down onto Ymir's chest.
"I never knew my father. I don't even know where my mom is or whether she's alive." She understood Ymir's curiosity, but she didn't know if she shared a hope that their parents thought of them, wondered if they were ok, and if they were loved at all.
"Mother's off in a mental hospital in Alhambra, near Delta," Ymir recalled, "father lost a lot of money one time from gambling too much- sent her off the deep-end. She tried killing herself, Ilse caught her, got her admitted, never seen her since- don't wanna anyway. Father made off with the money though, managed to leave some for us since he's charitable man, though I won't bother looking for him. Luckily I was about to turn legal so the usual stuff of services didn't come for me- Ilse and I ended up having to sell most of our things to pay for food (explains the empty home), we didn't want to touch the money left for us since it was meant for school."
Krista had memories surfacing in her mind as Ymir told the story. She could see what had happened, but hearing it made the images clear with intent. They were no longer pictures that were blurry, but definite memories that had once been real.
"I remember," she said even though they weren't hers to recall. Krista gave soft kisses to Ymir's shoulder for all that she had to endure.
"The last time I saw my mom was when we were visiting my grandmother. It had been a year since my grandfather passed away. We had moved out because he left money in my name." She felt the story new on her lips—something she never told anyone before even though Ymir had to have seen it a thousand times in the drift.
"We were back there for Thanksgiving. Grandmother left to go to the store. My mom got angry when she saw that some of the gravy had dripped on the dress I had. We got into an argument. I talked back for the first time to her. When I thought she was going to slap me I saw her reach for the turkey knife. I knew what she was going to do and I ran out of the kitchen and didn't expect her to throw the knife at me. It hit me right on my rear," Krista gave a bitter laugh at that.
"I still have a scar there. Grandma came back at the time to see my mom towering over me while I bawled on the floor, a knife sticking from my butt. She ran me to the hospital and I was taken away from them." Her memories were flooding back in.
"It was Grandpa's favorite knife. He used it on everything." She remembered she never got to see it again after that. Ymir grew quiet, her hands only touched her back, rubbing her skin slowly to comfort her.
"I never saw them again after that. I was sent to a foster home for a while. Everything was quiet there. They didn't pry into my past and I was able to start fresh. Took their last name, too. They were good. Once I was eighteen, I left and went to the coast where I spent all that money grandpa gave me on my dance classes and hospital bills. I thought it'd last forever, but it really didn't." She closed her mouth, staring into the space between them, the bed, and the wall. She didn't know how to feel about it now.
Ymir felt her blood boil at the thought, the events were clear to her now. She brushed them off her shoulders.
"...the Drift makes this all too real for us," Ymir concluded.
"At least those aspects of our pasts aren't coming back to haunt us." Krista felt Ymir's silent comforting against her back. She didn't feel sadness over it anymore. Like she had said, it was in the past. Krista learned to let it go.
"I have you now," Krista brought her head up, kissing Ymir softly. She lingered there, feeling safe. Krista dipped her head back to Ymir's chest.
"The worst you've done was threaten to use the fire poker as a sex toy on me."
"...wanna try that now?" Ymir chuckled.
"I feel adventurous right now— I'm kidding, I'm kidding." The laughter died down.
"I'd love to try it, but you'll have to go first." Krista retorted.
"I'm sure we could just duct tape it on the harness. Close enough, right?" She laughed with her wife at the vulgar thought. She even winced as the imagery was too much.
And it was quiet for a long while till Ymir spoke.
"Only three years and I will be free. We will be free." Ymir said into the silence.
"Three more years of all this," Krista's voice quieted down.
Three more years of Kaiju.
Of Hanji and her emotions.
Of Nanaba's glances.
Krista couldn't bring herself to say they would make it, because it was always uncertain, but she knew they would try to fight for their freedom. It was all they ever could do, but they at least had each other now.
Through good times and bad.
In sickness and in health.
Until death do we part.