MIGHTIEST OF GUNS
CHAPTER TWENTYONE
Daryl felt Kristen stiffen within his arms and he withdrew. His mind raced through at least a dozen horrible possibilities and he wanted to kick himself. Who knows what she had been through? If those men had touched her, if those men had… And then here he was, practically constraining her against him. He removed his arms and was surprised to feel hers wrapping around him instead.
She burrowed her face into the crook of his neck and clung to him as though holding on for dear life. He couldn't tell if she was merely trembling or if her body was shaking, racked with sobs. One hand gently snaked around her waist, holding her securely, while he reached to stroke her hair.
Kristen never wanted to move again. As long as she stayed like this, in this position with him – everything would be all right. She wouldn't have to face anything, not what had happened, not what she had done. She wouldn't have to look her little sister in the eye after she had killed a man.
The blood had begun to dry, leaving a fine crust over her skin and clothing. Her hair was matted down in it. She didn't know how Daryl could bear to look at her, let alone touch her. She had once tried to wound him by calling him barbaric, but she couldn't imagine that he had ever even looked this bad. She highly doubted that he had ever ended a man's life.
And suddenly, she irrationally hated him for it. He spoke all the time about wanting to protect her and keep her safe, but he couldn't. Nobody could.
It wasn't that she blamed him for what had happened; she was just overwhelmed by the brutal wakeup call of it all. She had been so preoccupied with being afraid of the walkers, that she had forgotten what a threat people where. She hadn't thought about the evil that they could do. She hadn't thought about the evil that she might have to do herself.
Suddenly, she pushed him away and simply started walking back towards the farm. She knew it was miles, but she needed the trek. She had been counting on using the trip to sort through all the shit in her mind, gain a sense of composure before facing the others. As happy as she was to see Daryl, she just wasn't ready to.
Daryl watched her stalk off, perplexed and concerned. He had never seen Kristen like this before. Usually on point and prepared, it seemed like she had crumbled within herself. When he called after her, she ignored him and continued walking. She was acting completely irrationally.
He had seen this behavior before. From buddies coming home from tours of duty, from Merle. Post Traumatic Stress. Her mind was so wrapped up in whatever it was that she had been through, that at the moment she couldn't get past it. Even though the threat was gone, her defensive instincts had yet to shut off. Not wanting to startle her or make things worse, he followed her gently, walking along beside her.
"You know, Sean's back at the camp."
She stopped walking but didn't turn back. Her face fell in a way that he could only describe as ashamed. "I'm not ready to see them yet."
His brows raised in surprise. He thought that would have had her running in the opposite direction towards her brother. She leaned against the nearest tree and gently slid down, sitting on the forest floor. Daryl chewed the side of his thumb, wondering what to do next. He could always throw her over his shoulder and carry her back, but he knew that would freak her out more than anything at this point. He could go back and get Sean, bring him here to try and talk some sense into her. But he didn't want to leave her alone like this. Even moreso, he didn't want to disrespect her wishes. So he did the only thing he could think to, planted himself on the ground beside her.
She looked at him quizzically for a second. She had expected him to argue with her, drag her back with him. "What are you doing?" She couldn't keep the suspicion from her voice.
"What does it look like? I'm gonna sit with ya till you're ready."
"I can't go back like this, look at me. I look worse than you did when you were shot."
"You think they're gonna give a damn what you look like? All that matters is that you're safe. Sean's back there right now with the SUV…"
"Just Sean?"
The interruption caught him off guard and he faltered, "And I guess, one of the guys who took ya too. A teenager."
Her eyes went wide. "What? How?"
Daryl could see her getting herself worked up and reached an arm out to calm her. "I guess Rick and Glenn had an altercation with that group, the kid got injured and they took him back to the farm."
"And he just told you that I was here?"
Daryl's expression darkened. He wasn't proud of the torture he had inflicted on Randall and wasn't eager to share that with her. Yet, the fact that he was sitting with her now, safe and relatively sound clearly made it all worth it. Kristen spared him from having to answer by asking another question.
"What's going to happen to him now?"
Daryl looked over her injuries again, the way she looked so shaken and narrowed his eyes. "I'll fucking pull him out of the car and put an arrow through his head now if that's what you want."
Kristen felt like she was going to throw up. She didn't want anyone else to die today, not because of her. She thought back to Michonne, the woman's stern demeanor, her hard as diamond resolve. Kristen thought of how easily she had shot down that guard, how seemingly unaffected by it she was. Kristen wasn't ready to be that person yet.
"No, please. You can't kill him. But I can't ride back to the farm with him either. You guys go back in the car and I'll walk. I need to clear my head."
Daryl could tell that there was something she wasn't telling him. He didn't want to know what had happened to her, yet at the same time, felt as though he had to. He could only trust that she would open up to him when she was ready. Gently, he brushed his thumb over her arm. "I brought my bike. I'll tell Sean to head back with Randall and you can ride with me if you think you're up to it."
For the first time since he'd first found her, something like relief washed over her face.
He watched her curiously, "You really don't want to see your family yet, huh?"
She simply gestured to her blood stained clothing.
Daryl needed to head back to the encampment to let Sean know that his sister was safe. Despite having the guns, he refused to let Kristen wait alone in the forest. After everything they had been through, he wasn't about to risk losing her again. He had to coax her to follow him back to the camp, assure her that when they got there, she could wait for him just inside the woods – Sean wouldn't see her. She seemed so childlike that it troubled him.
Sean had been adamant about seeing her the moment that Daryl returned. Almost as if he didn't trust that he had really found her. It took a bit of fierce arguing on Daryl's part to get Sean inside the SUV and headed back to the farm.
It was only after the SUV's engine became a light roar off in the distance, that Kristen emerged from the woods into the clearing. She tentatively glanced around the camp but clearly had no interest in lingering.
She stuck to his side like glue but refused to enter any of the tents as he rummaged for any forgotten supplies. He was looking for something. Finally coming across a small pack with women's clothing – the kind someone might wear to work out in. He didn't know if the sizes were right, but it had to be better than clothing caked with blood. He threw the clothing inside his own pack.
Coming outside, he took her by the hand and led her over to the bike. He got her settled in the seat before climbing on. It suddenly struck her that this was the first time she had ever ridden with him. She wasn't sure what the correct seating/holding on protocol was, but at the moment didn't care. She wanted, no needed, to be as close as possible. So she slid up in the seat until she was flush against his back and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso. The engine revved to life and they left that godforsaken place behind.
She could see why people loved riding motorcycles, the rush of it all. But the way the wind was in her face, bit at her eye socket painfully and she ended up resting her forehead against his back. At the same time, she didn't want the ride to end.
She was so busy burrowing her face into his vest that she didn't even notice when he pulled off course. When the bike came to a stop, she looked up to find that they were not at the farm at all. Before her was a clear pond and smooth rocks, basking in the sun. She wanted to weep with joy at the sight of it. In fact, when she turned to him – her eyes had already welled with tears.
He couldn't help but smile a bit, pleased that he had come up with something to make her happy. "Come on, quit cryin'. Go on, wash up."
Any hesitancy that she might have felt about undressing in front of him before had clearly passed by this point in their friendship. She was out of the mangled jeans in a matter of seconds. Regardless, he looked away respectfully.
"Aren't you coming in too?" He looked up to see her standing bare before him, her hands covering her breasts. He was about to grin at the sight before his wandering eyes took in the purple pattern of bruises along her ribs.
He clenched and unclenched his jaw several times before answering. "Nah, you go ahead. I'm gonna stand over here and keep watch for ya."
"Come on, last time you had a bath was probably back at the C.D.C." There was a spark of mischief in her eyes and despite her teasing; it brought him a feeling of relief. For the first time she started to seem more like herself.
He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. He really hadn't wanted to get himself wet, but he couldn't say no to her. He shrugged out of his vest and workshirt. Undoing his belt, his jeans came off easily – he hadn't noticed how much weight he had lost the past few months. Thinking, he grabbed the bandana from his pants pocket and brought it with him to the shore.
Making his way into the water, he had to admit that it felt pretty nice. He swam out to the center of the pond, treading water when his feet no longer touched the sea floor. Kristen lingered in the shallow water near the shore, gingerly rubbing sand and water over her skin to remove the blood and grime. He had to admit that she looked rather beautiful naked in the sun and he was grateful for the cold water to keep him from getting too hard.
"Ain't you actually swimmin'?"
She smiled, but a blush crept to her cheeks. "No, I'm okay here!"
"Wha, can't ya swim?"
"I can swim just fine, thank you. I just happen to enjoy it here on the shore." Her indignation and reddening cheeks led him to believe otherwise.
He couldn't help but laugh. He had been running around the woods and jumping into creeks naked since he could walk. It was bizarre to him that everyone didn't have the same upbringing.
"Come on in then! You were the one who hounded me to go swimmin' and now you ain't even gonna join me?" He swam closer to the shore until he was able to stand, the water coming up just to his hips. He knew he was winding her up and he enjoyed it. "Ya can at least come in here to standing."
She pursed her lips in hesitation but slowly rose and waded over to him. He smiled, his eyes lingering on her figure. "See, not so bad is it?" Playfully she rolled her eyes at him.
The water reaching her waist, she raised her brows. "Happy? I'm swimming now?"
His eyes flitted up and down her body, her arms slowly moving through the water at her sides. His face lit up with mischief. In the next instant, he lunged for her – his arms wrapping around her back and behind her knees, lifting her like a child. He began carrying her towards the deep-end as she squealed and pounded on his chest.
"Put me down! Put me down!"
"Oh yeah? You want me to put ya down?" He made a show of releasing her from his arms, but kept them hovered protectively around her. As she started to sink into the water, frantically she grabbed at his shoulders and clung to him. He had to admit that it was adorable.
"Shh, relax. You really think I'd let you drown? After all that? Just hold on to me." He moved her arms so they locked behind his neck, her legs wrapping around his waist, as he tread water for the both of them. She smiled lazily and closed her eyes. For the first time realized how exhausted she was, realized that this was the first she felt relaxed in days.
She opened her eyes to find him watching her intently. Pulling herself closer to him, she gently pressed her lips to his. It was funny, after everything that happened, she was so hesitant to see her family. As if they would look at her and instantly see the blood on her hands. She knew it was irrational, that she had done only what needed to be done. But it didn't change the fact that it had changed her. Didn't change the fact that it would change the way they saw her, if they knew.
But with Daryl, things still felt so natural and easy. Without him saying a word, it felt as though her burdens became his. And a shared load was always easier to bear. She felt a burning in her eyes and suddenly realized that she was crying.
Daryl pulled back and looked at her with concern. "Ya wanna talk about what happened now?"
She swallowed thickly and nodded silently. Daryl swam them over to the flat rocks, helped her climb up and took a seat beside her. Her newly clean legs dangled in the water. She put her hands in her lap and looked down, like a scolded child. When she spoke, her voice was soft.
"I'm being stupid, I know I am. I mean, I know what happened wasn't my fault…I just feel so different now."
He sat quietly, waiting for her to continue.
"I should have waited. It's just, I didn't think that you were ever going to find me. I thought I was on my own and I did something. And now I feel so ashamed."
He could feel his anger rising and couldn't help from cutting in. "Did they touch you?" The question he had been dreading the answer to.
Her face flushed but she shook her head. "No, not really. Well, it didn't come to that." She cleared her throat and swallowed. "Daryl, I killed one of them. I went into his tent and stabbed him when he wasn't looking. It was like in cold blood."
Despite the tearful admission, Daryl wanted sing with joy. His heart ached for her but the relief that she hadn't been overtly violated; the relief that she had been able to save herself was overwhelming.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Kristen, ya hafta know you did nothin' wrong. What ya did was no different than killin' a walker. Those men were monsters. And ya know, Rick and Glenn – they killed the rest of that group in town. You was just protectin' yourself. And every other woman they could have done that to."
A small weight lifted in her chest. She hadn't really thought about it that way. "But still, I killed a man."
He sighed and looked at her seriously. "And the shitty part is, chances are it won't be the last man that you hafta kill. But you'll pick up and move on. I don't hafta tell ya that things aren't the way they were before the world went to shit. I'm just sorry that I didn't get there before ya did."
"To spare me having to do it?"
"Because I wanted to fuckin' murder them myself."
She scoffed lightly at him and found herself feeling loads better already. Just confessing to someone already made the ordeal seem farther in the past.
"I've been so selfish with my own feelings. I should be rushing back to that farm to see the kids, but instead I feel like I'm just hiding here."
"Ya needed some time, ain't nothin' wrong with that. Ain't missed much at the farm anyways." His eyes darkened with the lie. It just didn't seem like the appropriate time to burden her with the news of the walkers in the barn. The news of Sophia. She had been through so much the past few days; he didn't see why she shouldn't at least have a few hours of peace.
He pushed himself off of the rocks back into the water below. He lifted his arms and gestured for her to jump down. She inched herself closer to the edge but hesitated.
'Come on, don't be a baby. I'll getcha."
Sliding down from the rocks, she landed in front of him with a small splash. Wading over to the shoreline, he returned with his bandana. Dipping in the water, wringing it out – he gestured for her to tilt her head back. Gently, he began to clean the grime and gravel out of her cuts.
"Pity this ain't saltwater, but just cleanin' it out should help with the pain."
She winced slightly at the sting but found the feeling of his fingers on her cheek comforting. "Hershel's not going to be pleased when I ask for more antibiotics."
"Don't you worry about that. You're gonna get all the medicine ya need."
"Yeah? You going to strong-arm an old man?"
"If that's what it takes hell yeah!" He sounded so sincere that she couldn't help but laugh. She couldn't believe how things had changed between them since that first day on the highway. Suddenly, her heart felt lighter than it had in weeks.
"Remember the day we met? When I punched you? And now look at you, playing nurse for me. Who would have thought you were just a big softie." She looked up at him fondly. "I'm really glad I hit you."
He had to laugh. "Yeah well, gotta say it was the first time someone threw a punch at me without gettin' their teeth knocked out afterwards." Tenderly he dabbed at the cut below her eye. "First for a lotta things."
The honesty in his voice and implications caught her off guard. She could feel her cheeks flush and felt compelled to annoyingly try and lighten the mood. "I didn't realize at the C.D.C. that it was your first time. If I had known, I would have been more sensitive about your virgin body."
Frustrated, he rolled his eyes at her. Clearly, she was as bad at hearing declarations of feeling as he was at expressing them. "You're so annoying, ya know that." He meant it, but couldn't help from shaking his head affectionately.
"Yeah, but you love me anyways." The word escaped her lips before she realized it. Quickly, she opened her mouth to try and retract but Daryl had already withdrawn his hand from her face. He wore a funny expression, one that she had never seen before from him. He smiled shyly and she felt her heart do a flip.
"Come on girly, let's get you dressed and safely home. And this time I ain't turnin' around when you're gettin' changed. Ain't lettin' you outta my sight ever again"
Author's Note: D'awwww fluff Hope you all enjoyed it! xox