Disclaimer: Bioware owns all, except what I most humbly imagine. While, at times, I will take verbatim from the game, I attempt to use the events of the Dragon Age games, expansions and universe as a loose structure around which to construct my re-imagined tale. If you are looking for a strict canon piece, I have no desire to offend, and so I warn you upfront that I will divert from the traditional tale.
When reading these stories, I hope you can easily imagine it being told by the very best of storytellers in Varric Tethras (from DA:2). In my version of events, Varric meets "The Hero" (Elissa Cousland) in Kirkwall during the time period of DA:2. I mention this only so that readers can understand his connection along the way, and so I don't have to mention and rehash it again and again as I make my way through the tale.
A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed the first of the marathon Holiday Season :D
Thanks to all my readers, followers and reviewers and to my lovely beta artemiskat.
Happy Reading!
-Frayed One
Chapter Twenty-One: Don't Wake the Dreamer
Elissa yawned, stepping out of her bedroom door and into the hall, attempting to shake off the lingering remnants of exhaustion that hung on her though she'd been up for over an hour. It didn't seem to matter how early she went to bed she only seemed to wake up more tired than she'd been before she turned in for the night. It was starting to wear her down.
"Not sleeping well?" Zevran watched her jump, and then attempt to cover how easily he'd surprised her. Elissa was very observant. People didn't just sneak up on her. Not usually.
"When have I ever slept well, Zev?" She yawned again, half-covering it with the hand that wasn't holding the missive filled journal indicating she was headed off to one meeting or another.
"You have a point."
"So what brings you by this early in the morning?"
Though she didn't turn her face in his direction, The Assassin could feel her eyes on him and scrambled for an excuse that she'd accept at face value. However tired she might have been, it hadn't dulled her senses to the point that she wasn't somewhat suspicious of anyone who broke from their normal routine.
"Oh come now, you normally haven't crawled out of Sigrun's bed until at least an hour from now and I know better than to believe you walked all the way over here to inquire about my sleeping habits or walk me to my morning meeting." She arched an eyebrow, snapping her journal shut and turning her full attention to the elf at her side.
"Right you are." He chuckled, a slightly nervous smile turning up the corners of his mouth. "I wondered if I might take a trip into the city if nothing more urgent required my attention for the day. There are various components I require that Jowan will not order no matter how nicely I request it of him. I will soon be completely out if I don't replenish my inventory."
"Zev, how many times must I tell you – you are not a prisoner here. You may come and go as you please. I only ask that you alert me to your plans... somewhat... so I know you haven't been taken against your will or whatnot." She stopped walking and turned to him with a smile. "The day is yours. Do with it as you see fit."
He inspected her cautiously for a moment before deciding it was genuine and returning it. After another pause she moved off down the hall for her meeting and he diverted his path back toward one of his own.
Seeing The Assassin again was not a surprise to Nathaniel, but being tracked down in the middle of the archery range while surrounded by his recruits was out of character in a way that drew his full focus instantly. It made Nathaniel's skin crawl, but not because of the man himself. The two developed an uneasy friendship during their time together; a friendship based solely on their mutual concern for Elissa. It was that very thing that unnerved him as he watched the blonde elf share several appreciative smiles with the younger Wardens and stroll in his direction. For Zevran to seek him out here and now rather than simply hinting that they needed to speak later, the news must be dire.
Nathaniel didn't wait for him to ask, he simply set the young archers to work on several training routines and moved far enough away to be certain they were out of earshot, "If you've tracked me down now, I'm not certain I want to know."
"I can go if you'd rather continue to live in denial."
"You act as though the very idea of this doesn't bother you." Nathaniel narrowed his eyes impatiently.
"Everything about this bothers me." Zevran shifted uncomfortably on his feet for a moment before relaxing into his usual disinterested posture. "I have only agreed to it because I too feel that something is… off… with her and I needed to know what it was before I could attempt to address it."
"And what have you discovered?"
"For all intensive purposes, she hunts." Zevran shrugged.
"Hunts?" Nathaniel's brow furrowed and he shook his head. "I've seen her leaving, Zevran. She wears no armor, she barely wears clothing. I doubt she has a weapon. How is she hunting?"
"She doesn't seem to require a weapon." Zevran held The Archer's eyes allowing the impact of those words to sink in.
"Did you speak with her?" Nathaniel tried not to react, though he knew better than to believe for a moment the elf hadn't read even the most minor change in his stance quick enough to know that it concerned him.
"I doubt that would have done much good. The woman you and I know is not a part of this, and after speaking with her this morning it seems clear that her conscious mind is not aware of these excursions beyond a lack of the rest she was expecting to get when she turned in for the night."
"You believe her?" Nathaniel crossed his arms, attempting to illustrate just how serious he was when he asked for the truth in this matter. He'd been in the dark for too long where her secrets were concerned. "Elissa is very good at—"
"Concealing the truth? Yes. I am aware." Zevran's eyes narrowed at the insinuation that he didn't know how to properly read her, but he moved past the irritation quickly and continued. "I believe that she truly has no idea what it is The Beast does while she is sleeping, though I am uncertain how dangerous that is."
"The Beast left unchecked is always a dangerous thing." The Archer suppressed a shiver as he recollected any one of the times he'd faced the darkness that lived within Elissa directly.
"As I said, I am uncertain how dangerous it is at this juncture." The Assassin's irritation peaked again and he shared a glare with the other man before going back into his explanation once again. "At no point while I was tracking her did I fear for my own safety, nor did I see any reason to be concerned for hers or for anything aside from the local wildlife which we hunt ourselves to feed the Wardens. Of course, she did not seem to notice that I was tracking her. Perhaps things would have been different had I been discovered."
"Then you think this is normal?"
"I wouldn't say normal, per se. It may be her subconscious releasing the build up within her while we find ourselves at a lack for the battles that would normally keep her more grounded. It is difficult to say without speaking to her directly and I'm not certain that is the best idea at this point."
"Then what do we do?" Nathaniel began to pace, running his fingers through his hair.
"For now, we continue to observe." Zevran began to move away, having relayed all the information he had come to deliver.
"And should your opinion change?" He watched the elf come to a stop, turning his face back to glance over his shoulder.
"Let us cross that bridge when we come to it."
Nathaniel watched until Zevran disappeared in the long shadows closer to the stone walls of The Keep and hoped they would never reach a point where he would have to consider what to do about his particular problem.
"You have to find a way to get them to bring me along."
"What?!" Carver glanced back at the red-headed elf perched on the corner of his bed for a moment before laughing and turning back to what he had been doing. "This is hardly a vacation, Kalli. I'm being dragged to do something at the request of my brother. I don't even want to go. What makes you think I have any intention of having you brought along, even if I could manage to pull such a thing off?"
"You need me along, Carver. You clearly don't have the backbone required to pull this off on your own. At least if I'm there I can nudge you in the right direction." Kalli stood up and paced over to him, shifting her irritation into a flirtatious smile and running a finger down his arm. "Tell them you want me to meet your brother."
"And why would I want you to do that?" He stopped again and stared at her.
"Because I'm your girlfriend."
"Even if that were true, I still wouldn't take you to meet Hawke, and both of them know that so they'd never believe me." Carver went back to loading things into his bag.
"Fine! I don't care what you tell them, just find a way!" She was long past being rational. Finding out that Nathaniel was leaving with Elissa for an undetermined amount of time had been bad enough. Finding out that they were taking Carver along without her supervision had been the last straw.
"Look, Kalli, this plan of yours just isn't going to work. I'm not good at it, and what's more I don't want to get Elissa this way. If she chooses me, I want it to be because she wants to be with me – not because Nathaniel is no longer an option."
"Oh no! You're not backing out on me now!" She darted in between Carver and his bag, shaking a finger in his face with her anger. "I've worked too hard."
"You've flirted with Nathaniel and slept with me. I wouldn't call that hard work."
"Sleeping with you was absolutely hard work." She folded her arms and started to pace away before his fingers sank into her elbow.
He tugged her back against him and snagged her other arm, holding her in place long enough to get his point across. "Say what you want, Kalli. I don't like you very much, and I'm not so stupid that I'd believe for a moment that you care for me – but the sex was very good. You know it and I know it."
"It was adequate." She tilted her chin up and narrowed her eyes. "Now let me go!"
"Adequate?" Carver's eyes narrowed in response and he paused for a moment before tossing her back against his bed. "Adequate?!"
He pinned her to the mattress, releasing one of her hands long enough to grab her chin and hold her face still long enough that he could kiss her thoroughly. She fought against it for a moment, but he felt her giving in as her body relaxed beneath him. A few moments later she was kissing him back.
When Nathaniel made it to Elissa's quarters late in the afternoon he found her sleeping, chin in palm, pen in free hand, hovering above a precariously stacked pile of paperwork. It was everything he could do not to laugh as he made his way over to her. She looked so innocent it was hard to imagine that there could be a growing threat now active while the part of her he knew lay dormant.
"There's a rumor that sleeping in a bed is infinitely more comfortable than atop one's desk." He chuckled when she snapped backward so quickly he had to catch her to keep her from flipping out of the chair and into the floor, settling himself into the empty chair across the desk once he'd placed her comfortably back into her own.
"There's a rumor that waking people unfortunate enough to have accidentally fallen asleep atop their desks has a potential to get you stabbed." She frowned at him through her yawn, but he could see it was insincere.
"Why don't you go lie down?"
"Because I still haven't packed, I have a meeting with Varel and Jowan in an hour, and this paperwork isn't going to do itself."
"I'll take the meeting." Nathaniel smiled, leaning across the desk to take her hand and run his fingers across her knuckles. "And I suspect the paperwork can wait a little longer."
"What about the packing? If you offer to come back and do that when you wake me up for dinner I might just have to fall in love with you." Elissa tapped at her temple and smiled back, squeezing lightly at his hand.
"I'll help you pack." He stood, pulling her to her feet and turning her toward her bedroom with the gentle press of his hands at her shoulders. It was odd to hear her say such a thing and even more odd to hear the genuine lilt of happiness in those words. It made the guilt for his choices with regard to her condition pull even harder at his soul, though he knew that coming clean about it at this point simply wasn't an option. "I did have something a bit different in mind with regard to dinner though."
"Oh?" She turned back just inside the door to her room and arched an eyebrow. "I certainly hope you don't intend us to spend what is likely to be our last bit of time alone together for Maker only knows how long having dinner in the common area."
"I have no intention of sacrificing even a moment of that time. Trust me." Nathaniel leaned in then, tracing his thumb along her jaw and brushing against her lips with a gentle kiss that told her everything and hinted at things to come. He watched her eyes widen slightly when he pulled away and knew she understood what he was telling her without having said a word. "I'll send Celine to wake you. You know where I'll be."
He could feel her eyes on his back as he headed back out into the hallway and held on to the smile it gave him for a moment longer before his mind drifted back to his concerns once again and turned his feet toward Zevran's quarters.
When Elissa made her way to The Cliffs she didn't know what he had planned. What she hadn't expected was to find him standing in his smallclothes at cliff's edge. The sight was so surprising it stalled her in the tree line where she stood in the shadows simply watching for awhile.
Time had been no more kind to his body than it had hers and the multitudes of scars told both stories she knew and some he'd not yet decided to share with her, along with the handful she'd either given herself or been present for. But they didn't matter. His skin was perfect to her, along with the rest of him. It had taken them a long time to get here but in this moment Elissa couldn't imagine ever wanting anyone else. She loved this man, scars and all. She always had.
"Every time I think I've gotten you all figured out, you go and surprise me." She watched his mouth curl slightly as he turned to her, her eyes following the motion as he reached up to tuck his hair behind his ear where the wind had blown it loose.
"I'm obviously predictable enough that you've found me without my having to say a location out loud. I doubt that anything else I've done is all that surprising." Years ago a girl that shared her name had leaned against a tree at the edge of her parents' forest and watched him just as Elissa was doing now, but that girl had been hesitant and cautious. The woman who stood across from him now was confident and sometimes calculating, yet he loved her all the same.
"The location is unsurprising." She stood up and paced out of the lingering shadows in the tree line, closing the distance between them. "We've been here a million times for a million reasons… but in all that time you've never once waited, ready to take the plunge… until now. What's different?"
"How much time do you have?" It was intended to be a joke, but the look in her eyes kept his laughter from coming.
"Not nearly as much as I'd like." She slipped off her boots without looking down, simply pressing the toe of one against the heel of the other to pull it loose, all the while working her shirt over her head.
Once she'd removed it Nathaniel noted that the bracers she wore to hide the effects of the taint on her skin had been extended, meaning it had progressed further since last he'd seen her in any state of undress. "You can take them off."
"I'd rather not." She dropped her pants to the ground with the rest of her clothes, reaching over to take his hand and holding his eyes long enough to be sure he was ready to do the things he'd planned for the evening.
If he was hesitant, he didn't show it, instead threading his fingers into hers and stepping with her over the edge to plunge into the darkness of the water below.
He held to her hand this time, even after hitting the water, wanting to make sure he didn't lose her in the choppy waves this time as he had years before. They didn't speak as they swam to the circle of rocks beneath the cliff wall, and Nathaniel started to wonder if this hadn't been a bad idea when she stared off into the growing storms on the horizon rather than so much as glancing in his direction.
"I had a dream the other night about the day we met. Everything was exactly the same – a picture-perfect moment – only this time instead of falling for you I barely paid you any attention. Just glanced once then walked away. What do you suppose that means?"
"Dreams can mean many things, or nothing." Nathaniel tried not to let what she'd said visibly effect him, though a part of him wondered if she'd known what he and Zevran had been up to all along and this was her way of forcing him to admit it. "The real question is what you think it means. Do you regret it?"
"I regret many things." Her face was blank when she turned to him and she could feel him struggling to make out what was going on in her mind.
"Am I one of those things?" His face was just as difficult to read, though the churning maelstrom of emotions beneath the calm façade threatened to break the surface at any moment.
"Not any more." When she smiled, it was genuine, and she watched him relax as she slid into his lap and threaded her fingers into his damp hair.
They stayed in the water until the coming storm convinced Nathaniel it was time to make their way back to dry land. He was thankful that he'd already laid out a blanket on the cliff above, and more thankful that he'd brought extra when Elissa snatched one of them up and attempted to dry her hair.
"I think we both know that's useless." He pulled the blanket away with a laugh, tracing the path of one of the droplets that still ran from her hair until his finger caught at the edge of her breast band and it disappeared beneath.
Elissa didn't wait for more of an invitation. She leaned forward and claimed his lips in a kiss that left little confusion in his mind that she still desired him just as much as he desired her.
Nathaniel didn't remember getting them to the ground, or if it had been him to do it. He didn't remember shoving the various plates of food off to the side or knocking over the bottle of wine that he saw rolling over the cliff's edge from the corner of his eye. He didn't remember much until she whispered emphatically in his ear.
"As much as I am enjoying this, and I really – really – am, I'm afraid we'll have to stop here unless you like the idea of finishing with an audience?" Elissa could see the confusion in his eyes when he drew back from where he'd been trailing kisses down her upper chest and looked off into the tree line. "Wardens. Two of them."
He pulled back further, pressing at his senses to try to track them though he knew he'd never be able to read things as well as she could. "Which ones?"
"I have a guess, but there's no way to be sure without asking." She shrugged and rolled up onto an elbow. "Carver, you may as well come on out. You too Kallian."
Nathaniel cleared his throat and reached for his shirt as the elf emerged from the shadows, making absolutely no effort to pretend she hadn't been looking at him. In his defense, Carver at least looked sufficiently concerned for his safety.
"I certainly hope the two of you have a good reason for being here." Nathaniel tossed Elissa her shirt after retrieving his pants and sitting down on the large stone at the cliff's edge.
"I suspect they've come to watch the results of the plan they orchestrated in the kitchens this evening."
Carver's eyes went wide and he started to mutter and pace, but Kallian didn't even flinch, she merely folded her arms and yawned.
"What plan?" Nathaniel stood again, pacing up to glare at Carver who was clearly going to be easier to break.
"You know what's funny, Kalli?" Elissa reached into the basket that Nathaniel had used to bring their meal up to The Cliffs earlier in the evening and pulled out a kettle. "I don't even drink tea anymore. Nathaniel does, though I'm pretty sure I can be certain that's not who you intended this for."
"I didn't ask for that." Nathaniel followed Elissa's motions as she poured a mug full of it and strolled in Kalli's direction.
"I'm aware. I went to the kitchens to ask for a pastry and they thought I was picking up our dinner. They told me the tea you'd requested wasn't quite ready, which I thought was quite odd considering I don't drink it and you've never had it unless you were cold or attempting to go to sleep so far as I know." She stopped in front of the elf and held out the mug with a smile. "Care for a mug?"
"I'll pass." Kalli smiled back, still unphased by having been caught.
"You may as well drink it, Kalli. A stomach ache is the least of our worries at the moment." Carver ran his fingers through his hair and attempted not to react to the glare Nathaniel still leveled in his direction.
"A stomach ache?" Elissa laughed, glancing at Carver for a moment. "Is that what she told you this would do?"
Nathaniel reached for the mug, smelling it and then tasting a miniscule amount off the tip of his finger. "This is the Adder's Kiss. A few sips of this will kill. What is going on?"
"Carver didn't do this, he simply went along with the plan." Elissa watched Nathaniel's grip on the young Warden's shirt relax with her words.
"What plan?" He was demanding this time, his patience waning now that it had become clear one of their Wardens was attempting to poison her.
"She said it would only make you sick, enough to keep you from…" Carver pulled his eyes away from Nathaniel and looked at Elissa for the first time since he'd been discovered. "I had no idea it was meant to kill you. If I had I'd never ha—"
"I know, Carver. We will discuss your part in this on what I am certain will be a very long boat ride. Go and finish packing if you haven't already." Elissa watched him disappear into the forest, pulling her eyes away only when she caught the motion of the woman in front of her. "You should get packed too."
"I'm going with you?" Kallian looked confused; her mind racing as she attempted to puzzle out the confusing logic of the Warden-Commander.
"Oh, definitely not. You've been reassigned to Orlais. Stroud is leaving in the morning."
"Reassigned?!" Kalli was livid and took two steps in Elissa's direction before Nathaniel reached in to hold her back.
"You tried to kill me, Kallian, and not in the fun 'I didn't really mean it, I was just doing what I was told' way that most people try to kill me. If you speak to people who know me you'll find that those that do that typically don't live to talk about how they failed. You should be thanking me for allowing you to walk away from here alive, not complaining about where I'm sending you." Elissa's voice was remarkably calm, but Nathaniel could feel the fury pumping through her veins and hoped the elf would simply walk away rather than goading her further.
Thankfully Kallian said nothing more before turning to retreat in the direction of The Keep.
"I should go and speak with Stroud." Elissa turned back to Nathaniel, glancing once at the blanket on the ground behind him and the discarded meal that would now never be eaten.
"Wait… I know the rest of this evening is a wash, but I at least want to give you this." Nathaniel tugged his family ring back off his finger, reaching out to take Elissa's hand before she could dash off to deal with this new concern.
"You know I can't wear that, Nathaniel. It isn't meant for me anymore. I'm fairly certain it isn't even meant for you." She tried not to see the look of pained confusion that crossed his face at what he thought was yet another rejection of him and his affection for her, sighing as she retrieved her boots and tugged the small paper wrapped bundle from inside the left one. "This isn't exactly the moment I was looking for, but it will have to do. If I don't give it to you now I'll have to watch you start to doubt yourself again and I can't have that."
Nathaniel watched as she carefully unfolded the nondescript brown paper to reveal the two silver bands that had been tucked inside it.
"Elissa this is…" He picked one up and looked it over, noting the intricate detail of the heraldry carved into it. It was neither Cousland nor Howe in origin, though a bit of both was worked into it, along with what had clearly come from the Wardens.
"I belong to you whether I'm wearing a ring or not, Nathaniel. But I know this sort of thing means something to you, so I had Wade put something together. I honestly couldn't stand the idea of wearing your family ring anymore… it's just, not who we are. This is as close as I could get." She tossed the empty paper to the ground and reached over to slide the larger band onto his hand with a slight smile. "I hope it will do."
"I love you." He flexed his hand, looking down at the band that now marked him before sliding the other one on her finger.
"And I love you." She smiled, finally relaxing when he accepted her gift and folded her into his arms.