She's a trembling Goddess made real, Belle a defiant beauty that shakes not so much with fear, but with that stubborn determination of hers. Her eyes practically spark with it, the blue so bright and alive with that often times admirable trait. It doesn't waver one bit, not even in the face of my own displeasure, the scowl across my lips, the angered glare of my eyes. My expression is one equal to hers, but one borne of pure rage, and I don't know whether to cross the distance to her or remain where I stand. Neither choice seems palpable, the anger inside me leaving me prone to say something damning, or worse yet, have me shaking her in attempt to force Belle to finally see the sense of what I say and suggest.

I actually have to bite down on my tongue, gnash my teeth together in an effort to hold back the frustrated words that want to come out. I don't trust what I'll say, what I'll do, the anger and desperation inside me so different from the elation I had been feeling just a handful of minutes earlier. Back when she had started to kiss me back, when Belle had clutched at me and rubbed the front of her body against mine. Back then she hadn't been defiant, hadn't been thinking of the good of the town, or of sparing Rumpelstiltskin the worst of his hurt feelings. She had been all about me, about US, Belle kissing me wildly, passionately, and she had been the one who hadn't wanted to stop.

I hadn't much wanted to either, truth be told. I would have gladly taken her right there, on the counter, or on the floor, but for once I had been trying to be noble. To be something other than the pirate who only used her for his own lustful gains. I had in fact been attempting to show Belle I wanted more than just her body. I wanted her. Her soul, her happiness, and though I hadn't dared voice it loud, I was wanting her heart as well. Unworthy of it though I am, I wanted Belle to love me, to need me, to look at me as though I was becoming everything to her. I was in fact chasing after the Belle of the lost year, the woman who she doesn't remember being, the lover I had so unwittingly tortured with my cruel insistence at pining away for a woman who hadn't wanted me. Who had never wanted me.

But now I knew and accepted that what I wanted was Belle. I wanted the woman she once was, and could be again. I wanted her to be better than that, I wanted her to be free of the sadness and the pain I had continually caused her. I wanted a Belle who wouldn't be driven to leave me, a woman I wouldn't keep on hurting but only because now I know better. I wanted another chance at our life together, at being happy for once. How ironic was it, that now that my eyes have been opened, Belle was intent on turning her back on me? Not that I'll let her. She'll have a fight on her hands, and I'll use just about any means fair or foul to win her. With that thought, I give her a tightlipped smile that's more grimace than anything. She reacts with a wary kind of hesitation, Belle so clearly unable to ascertain what I am on about now. That suits me just fine, what I am already intending to do a secret best kept to the dark.

My secret scheming in the back of my mind, I am wondering just how quickly my man William Smee can be found. There's others that will be needed, but Smee is the most essential, the man a magic about him that lets him find anything or anyone that is needed. With Smee on board, it won't take long to get the rest of my crew together for one last misdeed in Storybrooke. That Belle won't like this one bit doesn't concern me. She has no real choice in the matter, not where her life is concerned. I'm going to save her, even if it's from her own foolish self.

My true thoughts can't possible be betrayed this easily, and yet Belle speaks as though she has an inkling of what I am thinking about. "I won't be another Milah."

There's more than one way to interpret that statement, anything from Belle saying she won't be mine, to implying she won't repeat the same mistakes that Rumpelstiltskin's wife had once made with him. "I won't die." She clarifies. "Rumple won't hurt me."

The not yet healed cut over her eye speaks otherwise on that, my own brow arching in a silent and mocking manner. The aroused color had never truly faded from her skin, but now Belle's cheeks bloomed even darker with her blush. "That was while under Zelena's command of the dagger! He'd...he'd never..."

Was that the tiniest bit of uncertainty I heard in her voice? My smile became less like a grimace and more like a smirk. I leaned back against a counter, still not saying anything. We simply saw the man, the monster, from two different sides. I saw him at his worst, and Belle at his best, or what he had pretended at being. I knew the coward and the monster, and that insane jealousy that had led him to kill a woman that he had supposedly loved, a woman who had been the mother of his only child. What chance did Belle stand under circumstances that were so similar and yet not? She had betrayed his love, with the very same man that his wife had once turned to. Sooner or later Belle would have to realize how bad that would make her look in Rumpelstiltskin's eyes. But I'd get her away before he could kill her, before he could come close to even considering it.

I didn't say any of this out loud. She wouldn't have wanted to hear it, and my words would have only led Belle to be that more determined to walk head first into danger. That stubborn determination of hers is both a blessing and a curse, something to be both admired and annoyed by. She'd be a different woman without it, and yet I didn't want to change a thing about her, other than her blind faith in Rumpelstiltskin.

Wishing I could free her of that faith in him, my hands were thus tied in what I had to actually do. I didn't like it, but neither was I that against the idea. In time, of which there would be plenty, Belle would get over what I had done. She would HAVE To. She's too different from me, too incapable of holding a grudge for that long.

Spiriting Belle away to safety wasn't the only plan I had in the back of my mind. But it seemed the only one that would come close to bearing any chance of succeeding. I thought of the dagger, and of the witch's house, the darkness having sealed off the property. There'd be no going back there, no getting my hand on the dagger that way. I nearly sighed out loud with my disappointment, thinking it a pity, the lost opportunity of that dagger.

Belle for her part, doesn't seem to realize just where my thoughts have gone. She is too busy fidgeting in place, fighting her own feeble beginnings of uncertainty. I find it interesting that the more I don't say anything, the more defensive she becomes. Almost like she is filling in the blanks in her head with what Belle thinks I could have said. She might have even stood there just short of forever, trying to justify herself to the imagined words in her head, but then her stomach growled quite loudly. She blushed further in response, lifted her chin up stubbornly, even as I scowled at her.

"Will you sit down already and eat the breakfast that I made for you?!" It came out gruff, but I was exasperated with her. She had after all not eaten since early yesterday, and this kind of continued neglect of her physical well being would not do.

She moves when I take a step towards her, an odd mix of defiant but meek as Belle takes a seat at the table. I fetch the pan, flip the omelet out onto a plate, and set the meal down rather roughly in front of her. She actually startled in place at the loud clang of the plate hitting the table, Belle's mouth opening to say something, but then the woman thought better of it. Instead of speaking, she reached for a fork, and then began poking at the omelet. She had seen me prepare it, and yet Belle didn't seem to trust that it was edible. She was in for a culinary surprise, her eyes widening at the first small bite she reluctantly took.

"It's good!" She exclaimed, and her second bite was a much larger one. I took a seat across from her at the table, my amused smile without malice or any tension to it.

"Enjoy it." I say. "This is one of the rare few times where we HAVEN'T burnt breakfast."

She quickly looks down at her plate, Belle's blush becoming more pronounced in color. I get the feeling she is remembering what I had said earlier, how I had spoke of us burning breakfast, and the reason behind it. I grin wider at that, staring at her, and if I had been sitting closer to her, I would have reached out to her. Burning breakfast wasn't the only way to disrupt a meal, and more than once had I spread Belle out on the table, and taken her in place of the food. It's on the tip of my tongue to say, to spill in vivid details all the time I had laid her out on the table, and feasted to my heart's content. The image forms in my mind, Belle drugged out on the pleasure of my tongue, past the point of any protests, as I had my way with her.

Suddenly I am the one feeling heated, though my flustered state hasn't anything to do with the embarrassment Belle might be feeling. I curl my fingers on the table's top, and shift about in my seat as my pants grow a tad too tight. It doesn't help that I stare at her mouth, at lips that are still swollen from that mad display of angry passion earlier. I fight the growl that wants to come out, that grows worse at seeing her lick nervously over them.

"Stop it." She says it quietly. I don't try to play dumb or deny my reaction to her, but neither do I apologize. Instead I take a long drink of cold water from one of the glasses on the table, hoping the cool liquid will quench some of my internal fire. It's easy to say the words, to tell her I want more from her than just her body, but it's a lot harder to actually make good on proving that. Especially now, sitting at this table, eating a breakfast that I had made for her. It felt intimate, maybe even more so than all the times I had fucked her in Storybook, this bit of domesticity and the past night I had just spent with her, so much more like the life we had lost back in the Enchanted Forest.

"I've really made a mess of things." I say it out loud, but mutter it without intending for her to understand. She pauses, then glances up at me. She waits a beat and then Belle resumes eating once it becomes apparent I wasn't about to repeat what I had just muttered. It's not the cold drink that cools my lust, but my acknowledging how much I have fucked things up. I bite into my own omelet, the act of eating more a show of hiding from Belle my grimace as I work things out in my head. I keep thinking on how I have treated her, how I had used Belle once she and the others had awakened back in Storybrooke. I hadn't once approached her as though we had shared anything meaningful during the year that was lost. Instead I had bore down on her with all my anger and my hurt, running roughshod over her heart in retaliation for Belle having left me. I had both wanted to punish her and hadn't been able to stay away, taking advantage of the fact Belle didn't remember, didn't know anything of the past year. Not the time spent together, and certainly not of her leaving.

I had felt abandoned, rejected. I had also been feeling hurt and betrayed, and had seized on the opportunity the witch's curse had given me. Belle writhing beneath me once again, even as I had so callously chased after the fool's dream that was Emma Swan. I had used the savior, her cold hearted indifference, as an excuse, using Emma's rejection to seek out solace inside Belle's body time and time again. And yet it was never enough, not so long as Belle didn't remember, and couldn't be made sorry for what she had done. I had been in fact frustrated by both women, so twisted up inside, sure Emma was my happiness, but torn apart by the memories of that time spent with Belle in the Enchanted Forest. I was in fact trying to deny the happiness Belle and I could have had, that we SHOULD and WOULD have had if not for my obsession with a woman that was lost. A woman who had always been lost to me.

It's the ultimate in ironic, that I've let THAT woman help damage my true chance at happiness. I inwardly flinch as I bring to mind Belle's hurt and pain, the way she had screamed and revealed to me that I had said Emma's name in the heat of a passionate moment. I can't even truly explain it away, so twisted in knots had I been about both women, that my pain and frustration at being passed over by both, had let my subconscious strike out in the only way I knew that would be guaranteed to hurt Belle hardest. Angry with both women, I had lashed out, and Belle had borne the brunt of my fury. It had been one blow too many, the tattered remains of my relationship with Belle left floundering, and now I am the one desperately trying to put back the pieces.

It should reek of hopelessness. And yet, hope is exactly what I have. Because Belle did eventually kiss me back. Did more than just that, she had actively thrown herself into the act, had seem visibly disappointed, even hurt when I had pulled back. It had physically hurt me to stop, but any discomfort I had been feeling, was lost to the elation and smug triumph of her response. So high had I been riding by her reactions, my hope had built to bursting, the words rushing out of me as I had asked Belle to run away with me. That she had turned me down did not matter. Anymore than than it mattered that I won't be asking again. I won't ever be asking, not when it comes down to doing what's best for her, and it is all the better that it benefits me in the long run too. In that way I haven't changed one bit, still the pirate, still greedy and self serving.

There's not a twinge of true remorse in me for the pirate that I am, or for what I will ultimately do. I certainly don't give a damn about what happens to this town, to the people we will be leaving behind. That Belle will doesn't deter me. She can cry and protest all that she likes, but with enough time passing, Belle will eventually get over it. She might even become grateful for it, the woman free of the town and the responsibilities it's people have set on her shoulders time and time again. Even now she bears the burden, Belle making quick work of breakfast so she can hurry back to the shop, and continue her attempts at research. I follow her there, make a half hearted show of paging through a heavy tome, but my thoughts are elsewhere.

I wonder how she'll like Neverland, and wonder at the changes that have surely been wrought there now that it is free of Peter Pan's evil influence. Will the waters be any calmer, will the place still retain it's deathly beauty? Most of all I wonder how much time will be needed? Ten years, fifty, even a hundred? But there's no way of knowing until we are actually there. I almost laugh then, and disguise it with a cough. Belle casts a suspicious glance my way, but I merely shrug at her in response. In my head, the spurt of amusement remains, for never had I thought I'd be eager to return to that foul realm! But that's exactly what I am, and a part of me shifts with impatience. I want it done, I want us gone from this town already. Only then when Belle is safe and secured, can our new life together truly begin.

I'm all but itching for it, for the chance to set our future in motion. I need to find Smee, and to make the arrangements. But I'm not entirely comfortable with leaving Belle all on her own, even if it's just for an hour or so. It's not all to do with the paranoia over what the witch might choose to do, but the memory of our past. The memory of the night that Belle had left me. Then too had I gone off with Smee and the others of my crew, on a heist meant to be the crowning achievement of our land bound careers. It hadn't been a kingdom's weight in gold and silver, but it had been close, enough coin that would have seen us all comfortable for the rest of our lives in the Enchanted Forest. Such a bounty was not without it's immense risks, but somehow with a mix of luck and careful planning, we had managed.

I can't smile for the memory though. Even as I recall the way the four guards had panicked, the way the fire lighting up the forest path had made them fear, the men thinking there was dozens upon dozens of bandits surrounding them. The way they had turned coward and ran, and the fortune they had left behind, even that can't bring a smile to my face for I remember what would happen next. The early hours of the morning, when I and my crew came creeping back to the cottage. I had been riding on a high, more than a little drunk on celebratory rum. Smee and the rest of my crew was in no better shape, uproarious laughter and drunken chatter preceding our arrival. It should have been enough to wake the dead, and yet the cottage didn't so much as stir, not a single light appearing in any of it's windows.

Drunk as I had been, I hadn't spared a thought to think anything strange was a foot. The cottage had looked fine if dark, not a thing out of place in the early twilight where night had not yet given to daybreak. There was even a meal set out for us, fresh drink and cold stew. There was no sign of Belle, not even a single peep from her, and I hadn't been sober enough to wonder just why. I guess I just assumed she had been deep asleep in our bed, but really, nothing short of a sleeping curse could have slept through the noise me and my men were making. It wasn't just the laughter, and excited celebratory whoops, the loud chatter. It was the transporting of our haul, the many heavy chests that clinked and clanked with the sound of their coins and jewels. We'd labor for what felt like hours, the chests being brought in and divided among us. The chests needed to be emptied, needed to be returned to the carriage we had stolen along with the gold. It and the carriage needed to be disposed of, the royal horses needed to be set free. All to better throw off our trail any guards that might come looking.

Most of the silver and gold, and especially that of the jewels, would have to be bartered away. Exchanged for the less inconspicuous copper that was the main currency of most in the kingdoms. But that process could wait a day or two, my men and I having done more than enough this night to secure our fortunes and our futures. Life it seemed, would be good, comfortable, and dare I say maybe even happy. I had no idea of the rude awakening I was in for, the shock and the fear that would soon follow the sun's rising. My men were off eating, or in Smee's case, even sleeping as I went upstairs. A sapphire and silver necklace was clutched in my hand, the pretty jewels in their settings soon slated to be pried out and individually sold. But for the moment, it had remained intact, along with a pressing need inside me to see the pretty necklace around Belle's neck.

A not quite song muttered under my breath, I had entered the room, expecting to find Belle asleep in our bed. I hadn't immediately turned frantic, not until I had felt the cold sheets that signified the bed had been empty for a lot longer than a few minutes. It was then that I had registered the sound, or rather the lack of it, no slosh of water that could mean Belle was bathing. I had still burst into the bathroom, still hoped that she would be there, brushing her hair, or in the middle of getting dressed. But she hadn't been there, and with a roar that woke up even Smee, I had screamed out her name, desperate to find her.

I am told Smee actually fell to the floor at the sound of my shout. Several of my crew had also startled, drawing their swords and daggers, until a small armed crowd was standing just outside the bedroom's second floor landing. They had come prepared for an attack of some kind, but were left wide eyed at the sight of me tearing about the room. All of Belle's things were still there save for a dress or two. I should have known then what that had meant, but I hadn't wanted to believe. Better she be kidnapped and held ransom, then the thought of her just up and leaving me!

No note ever came, no ransom was ever demanded, and eventually I was forced to face the truth of what must have happened. She had left me, and I hadn't been able to truly understand it. Nor had I been able to let go, to let HER go, spending a small fortune on any information that could be had, real or otherwise. I was alternately desperate and furious, wanting to find her, wanting to throttle her, wanting to love on her. I had wanted answers, I had wanted understanding, and most of all, I had wanted HER. For two months time I would search, and for two months time I had been thwarted. As though Belle had cast some sort of spell that had kept her from being found, the woman gone to ground, and not even the shadiest and most magical of my associates cold uproot her whereabouts, not even Smee!

For two months time I had lived a hell of my own making, a maelstrom of misery and agony, my anger only growing, my lack of understanding only fueling the fire in me. The fury that beat inside me was determined to find her, to drag Belle back into my life, and keep her there. I know now that Belle had been right to leave me as she had, that it had been the only way to end the madness, the hurt and the pain. She had effectively cut the poison out of her life, and left me spat on the ground where I might have belonged.

Not that I stayed there. Lick a sickness that festers, I rose, ready to find her and start the cycle of misery all over again. I was a man obsessed but in the worst way, MY hurt and MY anger all coalescing into a lust and a rage, that had boiled over the instant I had first found her. The setting may have changed, the people might not have remembered, but I had no such problem. I was both blessed and cursed to remember everything, to remember her, to remember the life I had been living with Belle, and the many ways she had made me feel. With those memories and feelings and temper guiding me, I had set out to hurt her, to make Belle pay for leaving me. I was little more than a hurt boy lashing out, unable to understand, unable to truly fathom all the whys of what she had done. And with her memory gone, Belle hadn't been able to tell me, to explain to me her reasons. To justify her abrupt leaving.

I had blinded myself to her reasons, to the pain that her been reflected in her eyes those last few months that we had spent together. It was a pain that had only grown, Belle hurting and so close to being in love with me, and I had trampled her heart in the process, not once, not twice, but a million times over. I can't help but shudder at what she would think of me if Belle were to remember everything. How much more she might hate me. As bad as I had been in the Enchanted Forest, here in Storybrooke I had been WORSE.

I have much to atone for. A lesser man might wilt in defeat, but then I've been a pirate who has quested for some three hundred years, letting hate and revenge fuel me. Something different, gentler, but no less powerful is inside me now, my eyes open and seeing the true path to my-to OUR happiness. My determination won't let me fail, won't let anyone, even Belle stop me from securing our future. This time we'll be happy, I'll make sure of it.

To Be Continued...

This is probably gonna be a long and rambly author's note. First I guess I should say I struggled on and off for all of August trying to get this chapter written. I got to 14 KB and then just stalled...I think I also had an opening draft that I ended up trashing before you got what you just read. Then the last week of august I got like another 2 KB written, bringing it up to 16 KB...and then I forced myself to write something today (September 1st)but I am not exactly happy with anything after the 16 KB mark. =/

I also wonder if I should even post this. Just cause I am not wanting to get you all excited that I updated this fic. What I mean is I am still in this weird writing limbo, and just bouncing around from story to story, until I get into the writing vibe. It also doesn't help that THIS story, I am at a point which I have to segue or bridge from point a to point B, and while I know what I want to do, and intend to do for the REST of this fic, it's this part that is being hard, being incredibly difficult to get right.

This chapter is not how I envisioned it would be. I originally thought it would be a time skip to them in rumple's shop doing research, when Snow and Charming arrive. I thought they would interrupt a moment, and Charming would drag Hook out, and tell him to leave Belle alone. and Hook would take off to find Smee...this might happen still in 22 or 23...but right now it didn't. Basically when I read 20, I realized Hook was a little too furious at Belle's turn down of his sail away scheme, so I felt like I had to address some things. I hope I did a good job, but I am feeling so BLAH about my attempts.

I got stubborn with this chapter and refused to work on anything else until I could get it finished. I am so eager to get to certain things not yet revealed in this fic. The plans I have! Frankly I wouldn't be shocked if this story hit the 50 chapters mark or more! But we'll see how long it takes me to churn out the twenty second chapter... _

Laters, and enjoy the weekend!

-Michelle

Guest, thank you! I'm trying. Just been a tough chapter to get out, and I am still not exactly happy with what I wrote for it (21.) It's the pain of being a perfectionist when I am not perfect. T_T

Cloudy World, trying to. But things get in the way, life, OCD, too many ideas. But I am trying to keep all my Once fics updated as best and as often as I can. But too much drama in my life also sometimes affects my ability to write. but damn do I want to get this story advanced, cause I would love to see the reactions to some of the stuff I have planned! *slaps self for being so slow at updating*

Zerousy thanks for all the reviews! ^_- It's always fun talking to you email wise, and even getting to spoil you privately. The mystery key...well if I can get the story advanced, I have a scene for that too! But it might be a let down for Hook! XD I like Belle standing her ground too...I also hope with this chapter, I came closer to Hook understanding why he subconsciously said Emma's name during that intimate an act with Belle. now to get a scene where he tries to explain it to her...I can just see him getting slapped a bit for it anyway!

Ambrosie, thank you dearie! Sorry I kept you waiting so long. I am so sorry to all the readers. I suck!

Storyfan, you make me blush by using that word, masterpiece! *blushes bright red* Thank you so much, and I am happy it engrossed you into binge reading it all in one go. I hope you still are around, and will get to see the new chapters I have to still write. X_X sorry for taking so long...

Guest, thank you, and I am trying to!

Love it, it's funny timing. I was in the middle of rereading the chapters of this story, when you reviewed! Though it still took a month to write out the chapter, which is so unacceptable to ME. T_T