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Here's another instalment of the Heart Saga (I can't be asked to write the entire name), because Kaz is always an interesting character to examine.

Disclaimer: I don't own SOC.

Prompt: "It's not a lie if you believe it."

From: wavingthroughawindow

Setting: Canon Universe, before Six of Crows.

Word Count: 475

Kaz gripped the head of his cane with a grip that turned his fingers to claws as he staggered away through the streets of Ketterdam. His leg still stung something terrible, and he could still see Inej's face from moments before he'd wrenched away from her to run: calm assurances, then shock, mingled with perhaps an inkling of hurt.

He took another step and pain shot up his leg - he'd definitely broken it. Again. That was probably the conclusion Inej had come to before he'd skedaddled.

But he - couldn't - stay.

Her hands had been warm against his leg as she assessed it for injuries, warm and smooth and wet and swollen and bloated and he's going to die and Jordie's dead anyway maybe now it's his turn-

Stop. He paused mid run, hands clenching and unclenching.

He shouldn't have jumped off that rooftop. It was reckless and unplanned and stupid. But he'd just been so angry - he hadn't even known why. The man they'd been after was a slaver; Kaz dealt with his sort of ilk everyday. But then he'd looked at Inej and sneered something about a beach in Ravka, a Suli caravan left unguarded with a teenage girl sleeping inside, and Inej had looked so distraught and Kaz had barely thought he'd just lunged-

It had been an abysmal idea. He was lucky not to have broken his neck.

Swallowing almost unintentionally at the thought, he lifted his hands to massage his throat. But the warm skin-on-skin contact made him freeze up for a moment, made him remember Inej's attempt at treating his leg, made him think of that night in the harbour-

I am not that boy anymore. I am Kaz Brekker. I am strong.

He clenched his fists again, banishing all thoughts save that of rival gangs, of the Dregs, of their next scam, next con, the Crow Club, of tearing Pekka Rollins down brick by brick by brick by brick by brick-

Darkness and coldness and wet and the stars burning up ahead almost as distant as the lights burning in Ketterdam just a little too far away-

I am strong.

He closed his eyes tight but he still saw Jordie's sightless ones staring up at them, face slack in death-

I. Am. Strong.

He forced himself to breathe. In out, in, out. In. Out.

He was strong. He was Kaz Brekker; Kaz Rietveld had died with his brother.

Dead.

He was dead-

Don't lie to yourself, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Inej whispered. You're the one person you'll never be able to fool.

He whispered his reply to the cold Ketterdam air, confident no one would hear him.

"It's not a lie if you believe it."