Alive Again.
By C S Sinclair.
Chapter Twenty One.
Skirting around the edge of one of the tables, they approached, looking cautiously about for danger, but always with one eye on the centre. The girl cradled in Mother's arms could almost have been sleeping at first glance – from here, the blood was lost in the red of mother's dress and the carpeting. But the mirrors revealed this lie, showing the girl's white dress, stained an ugly, dark red where the wound lurked and yawned.
Apparently heedless of their advance, Mother was singing softly into the dead girl's ear. Ada shivered at this disturbing sight, slowing her advance as a wave of nausea overtook her. With the mask propped against Mother's shoulder, it almost seemed like the girl herself was singing... The candles, mirrors and those terrible staring eyes of the mask, all gave the scene a kind of otherworldly aspect.
She blinked as the confusion of reflections and the glare of the lights on the carpet made the whole scene before her... shimmer, like a mirage. It was like she couldn't believe that her mother could possibly be here, finding it easier to believe that she had just stepped out of one of these mirrors – she noticed that they seemed to only dully reflect mother's image in the light... Would a bullet fired from here even reach her... or would it be lost in this strange chaos?
She had to concentrate, keep this as simple and professional as possible. It occurred to her that usually, she would never settle for an ID this sketchy – the target facing away and though she knew her well of course, she hadn't seen her in person for years. Moreover, as the head of a cosmetics empire, Mother's look had always changed so dramatically over the years, that many had speculated it was several different people...
But she remembered that regal, stately posture. Her mother was a far more visually... 'commanding' presence than she was. And the feeling she was getting was unmistakeable - the tension, that unconscious straightening of the back and adjusting of the clothes; the fact that she was treading with such slow, measured respect... She realized that she had unconsciously assumed her 'best behaviour...'
Reaching a hand to steady herself on the table, she saw Jill looking over with concern. She pushed back up and nodded that she was fine... sort of. But what were they going to do? Mother was armed, she'd just killed someone and yet... Panic started to grip her as she realized she couldn't even conceive of pulling the trigger at this point. The whole idea seemed too far-fetched, like something that people spoke of but wasn't really possible. She looked at the poor girl draped over her, how insane it was, of all the pain her mother had caused her over the years... but she couldn't imagine really doing it.
As she stood, wracked with indecision, the eerie rhyme mother was singing floated through the air to her:
"I hear you, my children; your laughing and weeping,
For I am awake, whilst the world, it lies sleeping.
If some hate me or love me or are ignorant of me,
I care not my children; I am closest to thee..."
Upon hearing this apparent confirmation of her mother's love for these masked girls over her and Lydia, Ada's blood began to boil. She was shaking with indignation; there was so much she wanted to say, so many ways she should curse this woman who had hated, twisted and ultimately almost destroyed her. Clenching her fists angrily, she caught sight of Jill, gesturing to her to calm down, to take deep breaths... She nodded, trying to follow her girl's advice – she had to get it together and make contact...
The word seemed to be catch in her mouth, consumed by the sheer aura of her mother. Seeing her there so busy with the girl, she felt very small again, when she'd played about Mother's desk whilst she was working. Now, as then, it seemed unconscionable for anyone to talk in the great lady's presence when she was busy...
"Mother" she said simply, quietly triumphant as the sound split the silence.
Hearing this, her mother stiffened, clutching the girl still more protectively to her. Rather than look round however, she gazed straight ahead into one of the mirrors at their reflections. Spotting Ada, she suddenly emitted a hiss of purest outrage. Rising defensively to her full height, the girl's masked face fell horribly to one side as if she also was inspecting them with interest.
"Why have you come here, Devil child?" a voice lamented out of the haze, full of such bitter loathing that Ada unconsciously stepped back. It was a voice she knew well, one that had never failed for more than 15 years now, to blame her for every wrong it had ever suffered.
"You were not welcome here before all this" (she lifted the girl about her, stroking her hair soothingly), "Why would you imagine this has changed now? Return to the filthy darkness which your kind inhabits and stain no more our lives with your wickedness" she spat, the air about her seeming to foam in accordance with this judgement.
Ada's head fell as she wilted under these familiar but still hurtful curses. It was no less than she'd expected however; her mother's hatred of her was hardly breaking news. Receiving it first-hand again though...
Balling her free hand into a fist and tightening her grip on her gun, she looked up in defiance: "No, no I won't! How can you talk to me this way, how can you possibly think this is my fault?" she protested. "Aren't you even going to look at me?! Is this all I get from you?!" she condemned, viciously. She could sense Jill moving closer to her, clearly alarmed at her rather hysterical tone.
The girl's mask seemed to smirk in the light: "You wish for respect, a mother's love and forgiveness? You who have wrought such misery here, dare ask for that?" she shrieked incredulously.
Ada looked over at Jill who was staring with appalled distaste at the scene before her. Seeing Ada was looking, she smiled with a hard face, urging her on with a 'don't you dare blame yourself, little lady!' look on her face.
"I... I don't ask for your forgiveness, because I didn't do this!" Ada replied, raising her head with empowered resolve.
"Your hands are stained with the blood of my angels" snorted her mother, contempt dripping from her voice. She appeared dismissive of even having to talk to her, which was driving her absolutely crazy!
"So are yours if you care to look! Look at them or look or me – either way you'll see the truth! I didn't release the virus – you did! I didn't hurt these girls – you did! "
"Enough! Silence, you filthy, evil child!" her mother screeched suddenly, almost turning around, but flinching as Jill suddenly stormed forward:
"Stop speaking to her like that, you old witch! What kind of sick game is this to you anyway? You've killed a young girl for God's sake! You've left one daughter in a coma upstairs and poured Adi full of so much poison that she started to believe your bullshit!" she shouted angrily, rather spectacularly overcoming her nerves at this strange scene and the fact she was as she put it 'meeting the parents'...
This done, she walked back over, positioning herself firmly between Ada and her mother. Ada moved up and brushed into her in deep gratitude and awe – she'd never seen someone stand up to her like that before...
Indeed, Mother seemed rather shocked herself. Shying away as Jill had approached, she had clutched at the girl so hard during the tirade; that her head had shot up, and rolled rather sickeningly back. Frantically, she resettled the girl at her shoulder, kissing her hair in apology. As she did this, she began to talk distractedly to herself and to the girl. Ada lifted a hand to her mouth in dismay...
"Is this how it is to be? How can this be a just end for us?! My angels who were to sweep the world in love, brought low by such wretched creatures, clothed in sin and unrepentant in their squalid, shameful lust for each other? Are we to suffer at hands such as these, after all we have worked for? Where is our salvation?!" she cried aloud. "Where are you?" she sobbed to herself, rocking the girl in her arms.
"Where were you when I needed you?!" Ada screamed, stubbornly ignoring Jill's attempt to pacify her. It was outrageous that Mother still felt she was the victim in all this - and even more unjust that part of her did actually feel sorry for her...
"What about Lydia and father too?!" she went on, desperate to remain on the offensive. "Don't we count; don't you care about any of us?! You swore to me that you wouldn't hurt them! I let you treat me like that - like something filthy and disgusting and what did I get?!" she cried.
She felt faint, like something was pushing through the air towards her, warding her off, assailing her for daring to speak such blasphemies.
"You were disgusting" her mother calmly replied suddenly, looking up. The girl seemed to confirm this, burying her mask in Mother's shoulder, rather than face looking at a creature like Ada... Ada felt herself tremble at the sheer certainty and lack of compassion in her voice.
"Do you have any idea of the shame I felt over what I had given birth to, when I had you? I tried to care for you, child but you were evil -I saw it inside you..." she explained, spitting the words out as if any mention of Ada was corrosive...
"Alright, that's enough!" snarled Jill, levelling her gun at the spectre before them. Looking back at Ada, she motioned with her head for her to leave. Ada took a deep breath, shaking her head desperately - she had to listen; it was the only way she could convince herself to do this... She walked up and pushed the protesting Jill politely but firmly behind her.
"...And yet I couldn't find the strength to do what was necessary..." her mother continued in a voice that seemed appalled, dirty to even have to think about her, her dress flaming red in judgement. "The love I felt for you was the worst of all curses, but in time, your actions allowed me to cast this burden aside."
"You thought loving me was a curse? Even when I was young But I thought..." Ada stammered, feeling as though her knees would give way at any moment before Jill caught her, helping her against the table.
"Don't listen to her, baby!" Jill pleaded. "Listen to me! Tell me to do it and I... I will, right now! Please, I can't bear to see you do this to yourself!" Jill pleaded earnestly. Ada waved her off, but held onto her arm this time for support.
Her anger and betrayal had skyrocketed in the last minute or so, but her actual ability to do the deed was fading fast. In her mind, she still saw the kindly, loving mother of old, singing her to sleep, carrying her about with her as she worked – had that all been a lie too?
"Your actions helped me to let go of whatever love I had for you, girl!" her mother continued with remorseless, triumphant venom. "It was work I knew you would excel at, and time after time over these years, I have seen my opinion of you confirmed, until finally one blessed day, I awoke with nothing in my heart for you, but the contempt that is all you are due... "
"Stop it! Leave her alone!" she heard Jill screaming as if from far away. Collapsing weakly against her, she tried to stand but could find no energy... She sounded so sure... so sure she was something wicked...
"I... I have to do this. I...
She felt Jill press her close, clamping her hands around her ears: "Don't listen to her, baby! Just tell me what you want me to do! Stop doing this to her!"
But Ada could still hear the words, like poison seeping in... see the masked girl snuggling victoriously against Mother.
"But my angels saved me" her mother continued, nuzzling the girl's body. "We were so happy here... I was happy again. I, who had birthed such evil had created something wondrous! Just as that vile plague spread its monsters, my angels would carry their goodness with them also. The world could have been such a better, happier place than the pit of sickening depravity it is now..."
Rocking slowly, she stroked the girl's hair consolingly and apologetically: "We were almost there... I would have found a way to make you better. We just needed more time... The only thing I can do for you now is to speed you on your way..."
At this, she looked up at the mirror where Ada was reflected: "Why did you do this to us?" she demanded in a strained, furious voice. "Could you not stand to see them usurp you? They were my children, not you! You doomed us all..." she finished with sad disgust.
"No... that's not true" Ada whimpered in a muffled voice into Jill's chest. She'd just wanted the pain to stop, to be free. But she couldn't deny the suffering here... She thought of the girls from before, the virus eating away at them, whilst she was free and healthy... Could the girls here... could they really have been the start of something better - had she done any of this out of jealousy, denying the world something it desperately needed?
Suddenly Jill's face appeared in front of her, tears in her eyes but smiling with love. Grief stricken as she was, Ada couldn't help but smile confusedly back.
"I think on reflection, if we are going to have one, I'll need to install it myself – the swing I mean" Jill stated matter-of-factly as Ada frowned in confusion. "I mean, I can't imagine what people would think if I asked them to help put it up..." she added.
Swallowing hard, Ada burst out with an incredulous laugh and clung to her girl, feeling her love wrapping protectively about her. The real world started to come back to her, everything she was close to having, the life waiting for them outside...
"Well, it's probably for the best..." she agreed, wiping the tears from her own eyes. "If anyone came in and asked you 'where do you want it?' in our bedroom, they wouldn't leave in one piece after I was through with them" she said, causing them both to giggle with relief.
"Ask her to look at you again" Jill soothed, stroking her hair. "Your suffering matters – you matter and she knows it" she added, kissing her on the forehead and moving aside. Through the haze, Ada could see her mother looming in triumphant self flagellation. With Jill supporting her however, she took a step forward, then another and another.
"What are you doing? Get back! Get away from me, you disgusting..."
"I'm not disgusting" Ada stated with confidence this time. "Look at me and you'll see… I did what you asked, Mother; became that person for you. I became that person - I wasn't that way to begin with and in my heart I never was. I didn't disobey you to spite you or hurt them – I just couldn't live with the pain you made me bear anymore. I shut it away like you shut me away, but it was killing me"
Holding up a hand, her mother seemed to be trying to block her reflection's view of her now. Stopping only a few paces from her, she thought of that lonely, loveless creature she had been. Someone who had crushed herself away inside to try and save her family, but who had also secretly hoped for something she would never receive...
"You were right about me being jealous of them, Mother" she confessed. "I was trying to save Lydia and father, I wanted that so badly and I told myself that was the only reason. But part of me did what you asked, just because you asked me to - because I loved you and I wanted you to love me. It wasn't why I stopped – it was why I continued so long! That just maybe one day, you'd want me back... I wanted my whole family back."
With Mother rocking her girl in silent, perhaps stunned thought over this, she felt Jill take her hand and lace her fingers through hers supportively. A squeeze spoke of the immense pride Jill was feeling, almost lifting Ada off the ground. Releasing her hand in warning however, Jill indicated that her mother had produced her knife again... they were getting near the end now.
Following Jill's idea, she moved to aim her gun at Mother, but found herself staring down at it, unable to decide what to do. In her dreams she had just pulled the trigger, but could she really do it? Rebecca's warning returned to her – could Mother really be allowed to live, knowing what she might do both in the future, but also to her, Jill and the remaining girls now? Did she even have the strength to do this anyway, now she had admitted she still loved her?
Unable it seemed to face herself or Jill and Ada in the mirrors now, her mother was simply clinging motionless to the girl, the knife hanging rather loosely in her hand. The girl seemed to return the embrace, her mask strangely peaceful there against her shoulder... she couldn't do this to them.
"Mother... I... I'm going to leave soon with Jill and Lydia, and we won't be coming back. I belong with Jill now. So you've got your wish -I'll leave and you'll never have to see or hear from me again. But we can't leave it like this..."
She took another step forward, causing Jill some alarm as she moved to within striking distance of the knife. She had to try though – this might be the last chance... "Mother, please... your girls need you, perhaps even more than you know. I'm... not sure I can take you away from them... I don't want to... because I know what it feels like to be without you."
As they approached, her mother had been studiously avoiding their gaze in relative silence to her earlier shrieking curses. At this last statement however, she looked first at Ada's reflection, then down at the girl in her arms. With a pained, groaning cry that echoed through the room, she sank slowly to the floor, bending over the girl's body, sobbing uncontrollably.
"My girls... my angels...what have I done to you... what have I done...?"
She felt a sudden pressure at her arm. Jill moved in front of her, shaking her head. Looking down she saw that her gun was still ready. Clearly she hadn't resolved all her issues with Mother... Gently, Jill eased the gun from her grasp, stroking her hair sadly but proudly. Ada motioned at the knife which had slipped from Mother's hand onto the floor. With her mother still sobbing over the girl's body, Jill bent to pick it up.
It was so quiet... only Ada heard it. Her feline hearing coming through again perhaps...
"Poisoned... poisoned against me... because of you... because of you!"
In that moment they saw it – a face of truly heavenly beauty that stole your breath away, divine in every sense... but also a visage that was shot through with such corrosive hatred and darkness that the soul seemed to scream at how distorted and vicious it could become... It was a face impossible to describe or forget... but that somehow managed to be of secondary concern to her.
As the ringing of the shot died down, Ada was already wrapped about her girl, pistol smoking in her hand. Jill had leapt aside at her call, trusting completely in her at a moment's notice. Although now nursing a nasty gash across her hand, she was fine however and had drawn her own gun. Instinctively they had crushed together, two souls trying to inhabit the same space in times of danger. They relaxed their weight into each other, too relieved for words...
Then it began...
Kneeling away from them, clutching her wounded shoulder, her mother was screaming with an awful, screeching, devastated lamentation – she had seen her reflection, her true reflection in the mirror at last. Clawing at her face in appalled horror, she somehow managed to wrench her eyes away and rip the mask from the girl on the floor, staggering jerkily to her feet, pressing the mask to her face, crying out in a terrible voice.
Neither Jill nor Ada moved a muscle, unwilling to leave the other's side, staring in horror at the scene unfolding before them. Slicked with blood, the girl's face and hair seemed to darken, even as the light falling on her mother caused her to shine with an unpleasant gleam. She seemed new, reborn…"We... we have to... I don't know if I can!" Ada whispered, terrified that the answer might be that she in fact could…
Jill seemed to rally at this and was nodding when she suddenly jumped forward and shoved Ada back bodily. Alarmed, Ada looked up and saw two large shapes peering out of the darkness on the balcony overhead. With terrible roars, two huge scaly creatures leapt to the floor, right next to her mother.
A scream died in her mouth, uncertain as to whether it should be a scream of warning or encouragement. Her mother however, swung about, the girl's mask she now wore, marred with a mocking bloodstain smile smeared across it.
Jerkily she bent down and scooped up the girl's body as the creatures seemed to nuzzle and fawn at her. Swinging about she caught sight of herself in the mirror and departed, her terrible laughter echoing about the room as the creatures advanced.
"Her voice was so lovely , her plight so needful,
that the devils and demons from hell did heed her,
Crashing and roaring, they flocked to her banner,
Hailing and calling and singing hosanna."
"You... wouldn't happen to have a grenade launcher in that purse, would you?" Jill managed, shunting her backwards. "Adi, come on baby, I need you! Are you alright?"
Ada slipped her arm round her girl's waist: "If I get both of them, we have the swing and I get a pair of those fuzzy cat ears, deal?" she said, kissing her on the cheek.
End of Disc One – Please insert Disc 2 – lol!