"Oh! Am I interrupting something?" A nurse - Catarina - squeaked as she entered the room. Sebastian brushes his lips against Clary's before pulling back with a look of relief. Fearing that their connection was lost over the months apart. The smell of - sanitizer? It flies off of Sebastian and hits her square in the face. It made nausea travel up her stomach, her face contorting in pain.

She noticed Catarina sported a conflicted expression, her teeth sinking into lower lips as she held a clipboard in her tan hands. Clary's heart rate soared as she remembered the blood being taken from her forearm. Her blood tests now on paper. Waiting to be announced.

"No, come in." Sebastian motioned. Clary, though, wanted to send the nurse away. Pretend that she's as healthy as can be. Forget about the sickness that has been plaguing her for God knows how long. Catarina stares at Sebastian for a few seconds, her lower lip continued to be gnawed on by her white teeth.

"Clarissa, I've gotten the results of your bloodwork." Catarina announced, holding the clipboard to her chest as if could read it if he leaned in close enough. Sebastian faced Clary, his warm, soft hands - not calloused like Jace's - patting her shin though the scratchy hospital blankets

"Is it bad?" Clary asked Catarina who was about to rip off the lower half of her mouth with the constant chewing. The nurse opened her mouth, closing it, opening it again, and then finally setting the clipboard on the tray made for holding food. Clary eyed the tests, vision be damned as she couldn't decipher the words. Sebastian intertwined his and Clary's fingers, occasionally kissing the knuckle.

"I know… you haven't told anyone what happened." She began, pacing around the room with her fingers locked in front of her chest. Forward, turn, forward, turn, and then stopping when Clary hadn't answered her. Sebastian eyes fell to the floor, not wanting to hear about her suffering. "You've been gone for almost a year? Since late june?" Catarina asked and Clary agreed. The hospital calender read that it was nearing the end of May. "Tell me, what happened during the month of January?" She closed her eyes as she commanded. Breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. Sebastian's eyes snapped to Clary, their brown iris' cold with confusion.

Clary didn't know what the nurse was talking about. Had she contracted something from the freezing basement? Consumed spoiled food? "I… there weren't any calendars in the house." She responded. Catarina nodded, pressing her thumbs together as her lips parted.

"Let me - when it was cold, winter? Yes? Were there any events that… stuck out?" She asked more clearly. The redhead didn't know how kissing someone could be something to mark down - unless Jace had some sort of disease. Winter, she thought to herself. Cold basements, cold beers, warm blankets - "Ms. Fairchild, as much as I don't want to ask this question, but… while you were held captive… did the assaults stop at physical?" The pity that shined in the nurse's brown eyes confused Clary. She supposed that Jonathan was emotionally abusive as well.

"No." Clary answered. Sebastian froze, turning to her with eyes now watery. "But what does that have to do with my test results?" She continued. Catarina sucked in a breath of chilled hospital air. Her eyelids lowering in remorse as she picked up the clipboard.

"Ms. Fairchild… the reason I ask this is because… you're pregnant." Everyone was silent in the following seconds.

"What?!"

The silence was ruined.

"Mr. Verlac, perhaps you don't want to be here while I give Ms. Fairchild her options-" She was swiftly cut off by Sebastian.

"Options? Can't you just… get that thing out of her?!" He barked, standing up from the bed to stare her down. His hands were fisted at his sides, the knuckles white. She saw his eyes dart around the room, Sebastian struggling against impulses that told him to take his frustrations out on the many breakable objections that surrounded them. Clary's heart had practically stopped beating, and then started at an uneven, rapid pace.

"Need I remind you that it's May." Catarina began. "Even if she wanted to-"

"Why the hell would she keep a rapist's baby?" Sebastian hissed, his hand gripping the railing of the hospital bed.

"Even if she wanted to, Ms. Fairchild is…" Her voice drifted off as she dug her hand into the pockets of her white coat, the clipboard placed back on the tray. Clary still couldn't believe what she had revealed, while Sebastian was already dealing with his shock. Pregnant… she was pregnant.

"Is what?" He growled after her hesitation.

"She's too far in the pregnancy for it to be terminated." That brought Clary back to reality. "The last time we had sex, you got your period, right?" She thought about what Jace asked her as Catarina silently worried if Clary was going to have a nervous breakdown. Terminated? She thought to herself, pulling back the hospital blankets and swinging her legs off the electronic bed. Her feet touched the cold floor as she scrambled to the bathroom, her hand holding her mouth, still holding it when she shut the door behind her and pressed her back against one of its white walls. Breath, breath, she instructed as she stared at herself in the mirror that hovered over the sink. Breath, Clary pleaded with herself as her hand remained over her damp lips, throat stinging with raging emotions.

"No… I was just… forget it." Her knees gave out, back rolling down the wall until her thighs hit the bathroom floor. The scene being close to when she debated killing herself. And, as her eyes lazily skimmed to the bathroom mirror, seeing nothing but white wall, her hand mindlessly covered over her stomach.

Breath, Clary commanded silently as her eyes fluttered closed. She saw Scott messing around in Jace's golden waves - that were similar to his honey curls - with one hand, while the other held up a bottle he was currently sucking on. If it weren't for his brown eyes and the different angles of his face, Clary would have assumed they were father and son.

Almost a year ago; there was nothing for her to live for. Sure, she was happy. Floating in the existence of millions of other New Yorkers. Never having that anchor, to want to fight for each breath that she inhaled and then exhaled. She had no reason when she'd been tied to a basement floor, fed only portions of meals. She had family, but everyone had family. Born into something she felt only a natural instinct to love. It was so simple to say that one could love their parents, little brother, and friends. But was that any reason to stay? They'd mourn on, turn their attention back towards each other after a certain amount of time.

And then - she found it. That reason for living. It was masked by scarred skin and a broken heart. Slowly, carefully, he revealed the damage to her. Showed her the ache in his chest that he lived with on a daily basis. No, she hadn't suffered anywhere near as much pain as he had. Wouldn't dream of it. If dream was what one would call it when in fact it was a nightmare. She then showed him her empty heart, the selfish one that beat without purpose. While the situation could have been better - she found her reason for living. And she thought he found his as well.

If she couldn't have been more selfish, she found another. And where she had been reluctant to accept the first one, there was no other choice but to… but to receive it. Clary had heard stories of mothers willing to do just about anything for their children. Would burn down the world if the child desired such a thing. It sounded insane. She figured that a mother's love was natural. That once they felt the first gentle flutters of their child, that their heartbeat gained tempo. That the world slowly but surely was right again. Clary was wrong. She could have easily declared this child a weight on her responsibility. Something to forcefully domesticate her wild life. A reminder of the year she felt loved and abandoned all at once.

But Clary didn't. Couldn't. Wouldn't.

How could she hate something that reminded her of warm arms and wild flowers? Of cold windows and itchy mittens? The longer she was separated from Jace, Clary had begged to have a part of him. And - and now that she did have a part of him, who was she to scorn the child? The only link she had to her reason for living? Would she be able to place her hand on her stomach and say yes, my baby. My pretty baby, without regrets? Clary began to imagine a beautiful child, cooing up at her from their crib, dimpled hands and rounded cheeks. Eyes golden, of course. Yes, he or she would be absolutely breath taking.

And then she wondered what it was like to lose that child. Their pretty eyes leaking tears as they were ripped from her cradling arms. Just the thought of going through that made her chest ache just as it did when she learned Jace had abandoned her. The man that swore up and down that he'd sell his soul if she wished - the man that took on the responsibilities of a baby because he'd hate himself for choosing the alternative.

Did this mean she loved the baby? Not entirely. But, never would she blame it. She couldn't point a finger at it and say that it was the cause of his or hers father's departure.

Though she entertained the thought of Jace humming to their child, telling it stories as he did with Scott, would he have wanted to? Was this his reason for leaving and not living? Clary thought back to when he'd asked about the consummation of their relationship. His tan face being pallored when he reminded her of her monthly cycle. No, she internally gasped. He wouldn't… why? Where she had begun to imagine a smiling baby, was he lost in the thought of paternal responsibility? He was such a quick thinker, so of course he would have been worried! Drowning in the consideration of dragging a newborn along with their journeys! But if he did know, why didn't he tell her?

"Because I knew what it felt like. I knew what you were feeling, and though I wasn't completely courteous to you, I would have never hurt you. I wouldn't wish my upbringing on anyone, and if my decisions could make the difference, then I would make the best of them." Clary considered for a moment, replaying his words in her head. Did he… really think that this was the best decision for her? To cause her such pain, such grief. All inflicted upon by his overprotectiveness. Truly, there wasn't much that could make Jace leave Clary. Her hands skimmed down, cupping the bump curiously. All because of you, she thought towards it. The silent words carried no malice. She couldn't bring herself to be angry at the baby. It had no say in Jace's decision, and neither did she. He'd taken it upon himself to change the course of their child's life. To permanently remove himself.

"We're fine." Clary spoke softly to the growing life. Promising that - whether alone or surrounded by love - that they were fine. There was a small flutter from within, and she wanted to believe that it was the baby's response. When the bathroom door opened up and in walked Sebastian, Clary hoped her presumption was right. We'll be fine, she amended, taking her hands off her stomach.

"Clary, I'm so sorry," Sebastian said as he helped her up. What did he have anything to be sorry for, she wondered as he guided her back to the room. Catarina was gone - for now. Probably giving them some space to talk about the situation. "I want you to know that… that I'm not angry - with you." He added after a second thought. His eyes lowered to her stomach that she quickly covered with her forearms as if he could do something to interrupt the pregnancy. "The nurse told me about adoption. You wouldn't have to see it again-" She gasped at him, scrambling backward on the bed till her head met its pillows, hand still on her abdomen.

"What makes you think I wouldn't want to see my child?" Clary snapped.

"Clary, it's not a child! Children are created out of love. Monsters are created from terror and acts of violence!" He scolded her. Sebastian looked down at the white hospital sheets. "And sometimes mistakes."

"He's not a mistake!" Clary growled, holding her stomach protectively. "I loved him!" She shouted. Jace, Jace, Jace, she repeated to herself, thinking of his sparkling eyes and warm hold. She loved him, she loved him, Clary assured herself. She wasn't… sick.

"You didn't love that bastard! You were - you were sick!" Sebastian countered, his face so close to hers as they yelled. We're fine, we're fine, she reminded her abdomen as Sebastian moved to touch her.

"I - I won't give it up." She told him finally. He let out a sigh, hand dropping before he stood up.

"You may think you're making a good decision. Doing the right thing, but more sooner than later, you're going to be responsible for another life. And both of you will be miserable. You for keeping him, a constant reminder, and it for feeling unloved." Sebastian warned. Clary looked up at him, wondering when he had become this cold man. The old Sebastian would have supported her, not pressure her into a closed adoption. "And then it will hate you, probably for the rest of its life. It'll constantly be wondering what love feels like, why other children are happier than it."

"No! I won't treat him like that." Clary argued.

"And then you'll realize I was right all along!" Sebastian countered with a high volume, making her shake as a shadow crossed his face. Clary moved her hands, wanting to tell him to step back. His fingers gripped her forearm, hand dangerously close to her stomach before he shoved her back against the bed. His eyes daring her to make another move against him. She thought about someone taking her baby away and felt a maternal instinct to protect her stomach, cringing and using her free arm to wrap around it.

Clary thought that killing Jonathan would have removed him from her life, but she was wrong. He was right in front of her, ready to do whatever means necessary to keep her. As if he realized how close he was to her, the fear in her eyes as she glanced at his tightened fists, he calmed down. "Clary-"

"Get out." She whispered, holding her released arm and feeling the skin throb underneath her touch. What she previously thought was sanitizer was now the all too familiar stench of liquor. That the red tint of his eyes weren't because he was crying, but due to heavy drinking. They always fought when he was drunk. One of the reasons she asked him not to come to Simon's performance was because he was too jealous for his own good. Towards his own friend.

"I didn't mean to-"

"Get out, before I have security come in." She said with watery eyes. He stared at her for a few seconds that felt more like hours before standing up straight. Clary let out a sigh, looking at her arm and remembering Jonathan. We're fine, she thought back to her stomach, feeling it flutter in agreement. Sebastian placed his hands behind his back, showing he wouldn't reach to touch her again.

"Promise me that you won't regret it." He whispered. This shocked her, as she expected to hear him lash out as he had been doing for the past few minutes.

"What?" Clary questioned.

"Promise me that… that you want it. That when the time comes to take responsibility, you won't regret your decision. Promise me that you want to keep it." Sebastian clarified, slowly leaning in till his face was even with hers as she sat up in bed. Her stomach fluttered, reassuring her of her decision.

"I want him." She responded sternly. Her voice never wavering as she kept her hands on her stomach. "More than anything." Clary added. Sebastian was closer, nose a few inches away as he reached out for her arm, picking it up and kissing the skin he made tender. She watched him, unsure of how to respond. His touch… it felt good. In a familiar way. Something she could always assure herself that was real. That it would be there whenever she needed it. Unlike… him.

"I'm sorry." He apologized against her damp skin. "For this, not for what I said. I meant every word." He clarified, gazing up at Clary with a challenging gaze. Waiting for her to deny him. Where before she saw Jonathan, now she saw the other boy in his tender stare. And she couldn't deny that boy. Clary closed her eyes, feeling his golden waves as she weaved through his hair with her hand. His tan skin as she pressed her palm to his cheek, bringing him close.

"I forgive you," Clary sighed, hoping that he could hear her.

"Now, fair warning, this will be cold." The female doctor warned as she applied a gel to Clary's abdomen. The redhead hissed when the substance touched her skin, feeling like ice rolling off of her. Sebastian held one of her hands while the other rested on her chest. There was a small screen, reminding her of Simon's kitchen Tv. The doctor - Charlotte - said that they'd be able to see the baby on it. Sebastian was insistent on coming with her to the ultrasound, something she was grateful for after the scene with her mother. Clary couldn't get Jocelyn's sobbing out of her ear. The way she collapsed in Luke's arms… Grayson was shocked, but stood by his sister's side, which made their mother cry harder. Sebastian, although uncomfortable, said that it was Clary's decision and that it wasn't in their place to force her out of it. Although, the tone of his voice told her that he was doubtful of her choice.

Charlotte was taking a few measurments, her eyes trained on the monitor while Sebastian stared at Clary. Everyone was quiet, until the woman turned the television-like machine to face the… no, Clary wouldn't call them a couple. Sebastian probably wouldn't want to be tied down by a woman pregnant by a man he deemed his enemy. Clary figured that the first time she saw her child, that she'd see a small - flickering speck on the thick screen. Not an actual baby

"And here he is!" Charlotte said in her cheery tone, pointing at the baby, outlining its small hands and feet, commenting on the nose and saying he had Clary's features. She felt her eyes sting with tears as she observed the baby sucking its thumb, moving its position to face the screen. Oh, Jace, she wanted to cry as she gazed at full lips and the shape of the baby's face. Though, the doctor was right, it did look like Clary.

"Wait - he?" Sebastian asked. Charlotte bit her lip.

"Well, no. I was just saying that - but if you want I could tell you the sex?" Her eyes landed on Clary, their brown orbs waiting for a reply. This would be the time when the woman asked the father if he wanted to know what they were having. Except, it wasn't Sebastian's child, and the father was far, far away. Was this what Jocelyn had gone through when she was pregnant with Clary?

"Yes." She choked out, biting the inside of her cheek as Charlotte took a quick glance at the screen.

"Seeing as you're around… twenty weeks - the baby would have already formed male genitalia if it were a boy…" A smile touched the doctor's face. Sebastian let out a sigh, as if in relief while Clary fought back a wave of tears. She stared at the machine. I'm not alone, I'm not alone, she repeated to herself. "Congratulations, it's a girl!" Charlotte announced, nearly dropping the wand as she threw her hands in the air. "Oh, I just love announcing these things." She said to herself as Clary felt her cheeks dampen.

"A girl." Clary repeated silently. Sebastian nodded, along with Charlotte. "When is the due date?"

"Early October. The fifth or sixth. But few women actually deliver on their due date. I suggest you start thinking of names soon considering you're halfway through the pregnancy... " She recommended. Clary tuned her out, staring at her daughter as she moved around, curling in on herself as she sucked her thumb. We're fine, she smiled at the screen.

"And she's healthy? Nothing's wrong with her?" Clary worried while Sebastian was taking down notes on his cell phone. Charlotte shook her head.

"Being that you haven't taken any vitamins, you should start taking prenatals as soon as possible to ensure your baby gets all the nutrients she needs. And, forgive me for intruding, but you situation… it would be best to stay as stress free as possible." The woman responded. Sebastian set down his phone.

"What do you mean?" He questioned.

"Well - being as it was a national case… the publicity alone just from her return. And once people find out that she's pregnant-" Charlotte shook her head. "While a miscarriage is unlikely at this point in the pregnancy, stress can lead to multiple complications. Could endanger the health of both Clarissa and her daughter."

"Can't we keep it a secret?" He groaned.

"Unlikely. As of now, people are just learning that she's not dead. And she'll be showing very, very soon. The fact that she isn't now is astounding." Charlotte responded. Sebastian held Clary's hand, letting his thumb rub her knuckles as he continued to talk to the doctor. If people found out… did that mean Jace would? Clary hoped, more or less prayed that he'd return to her. But some part of her knew that he wouldn't be so stupid as to do so. Guess it's just you and me, she thought to her abdomen. Feeling that familiar flutter. "Any questions, Clarissa?"

"Uh, are there things I should look out for?" She stammered.

"Besides bleeding - not to be mistaken with spotting - any cramping, decrease in activity, I'm sure you'll be fine. Just stay away from any alcohol consumption, smoking, high-stress situations and you're baby should be relatively healthy." The woman answered.

"Relatively?" Sebastian asked for her.

"You'd have to go to appointments in a hospital that's your area, to make sure the baby is doing alright. Make sure their aren't complications such as breaching, preeclampsia..." She continued on, naming many things that could happen in the next four months. "But you're in good healthy, the baby is in good health! You'll both be fine." Charlotte assured once she took in Sebastian's horror struck face and Clary's deathly pale complexion. We'll be fine, Clary repeated to her daughter.

"The baby's father, what if he had some sort of disease and it was hereditary! What if..." Sebastian panicked, clamping down on Clary's arm for support. It was almost funny how was showing more concern than Clary. Almost. Inside, she was holding a silent conversation with her daughter, begging her to be okay.

"When you get back to New York, the doctors there will have tests run to make sure she's okay, to settle yours and Clarissa's mind." Charlotte assured. Sebastian didn't buy it, continuing to ask her questions while she shut off the machine, gave Clary a napkin to clean up, and then returned to hand them a picture of the unborn baby. Clary was sure she saw Charlotte roll her eyes a few times, and Sebastian countdown from ten while they walked out of the room.

"I thought you didn't like her?" Clary asked him, gesturing to her barely there stomach.

"I'm not letting you out of my sight so this is something I'll have to accept. And, now that it- the baby, is going to be in my - our - life, of course I'm going to ask a few questions-"

"A few?" Clary laughed. He nudged her shoulder, wrapping his arm around her when her face fell. "Do you think my mother will come around? It is her first grandchild." She asked him.

"Yes, but the child's father is where she has trouble coming to terms." Sebastian reasoned as he opened her room door for her. Clary fished her hands into the pocket of his jacket, taking out the small photo. "You still sure about this? Wanting to keep her?" He asked Clary.

"Yes." Clary answered, staring at her daughter as she sucked her thumb in the picture. "More than anything."

AN: It's official, she's pregnant, though how will the public respond to this? Jocelyn was clearly upset by this and her decision to keep the baby. Sebastian accepted it because he spent so long without Clary that he wouldn't leave her. Then there's the matter of Jace... I don't have any comments as of right now other than he thought he was making a good decision. Which, could have been handled better than the way he went about it.

Tell me what you guys think in the reviews and I'll get back to you with another chapter!