- In The Dark -
Authoress Ramble: So sorry it took so long, It's just.. I don't like this story for the moment. I'm sorry, I haven't been replying to many reviews. :S I've gotten two messages from Simon Grenehed from the swedish band Blindside :D and I've pierced my belly button. :) A little newsflash from my life. :P
Special thanks to; Miguels-Lover,your review just helped me through this chapter, my authors block and urge to end this story. I will finish it though, I hate it when people abandon their stories. HMPF! btw, if you guys are looking for more HPDM stories, check out my C2, mostly 'M' rated so you have to change rating if you don't see 'em all. Thank you everyone for the motivating feedback. :D It's really amazing. :D Sorry again for the late update and to you out there who hates; corny stuff and poetic ramble. I just put those things into my story all the time. xD
Warnings: Slash, angst stuff like that. HP ♥ DM :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. JKR does
Chapter Twentyone: Out of my mind
Harry had his forehead pressed against the other boy's chest, noticing how soft his robes felt. He could feel Draco's chest rise and fall with every breath and he even felt his steady heartbeat He pulled away slightly and tilted his head up.
"Malfoy" He whispered with a small frown on his face. The blond boy smirked in amusement.
"Don't you think that we are past that?" He asked and cupped the smaller boy's chin. The hallway was empty, it was one of many leading to the dungoens and people rarely passed through them, if someone did walk by they would be greatly shocked by the scene before them.
Harry had once again placed both of his hands behind Draco's neck. The slytherin let the hand on Harry's face slide down and joined the other one still wrapped around his thin waist. He looked Harry inte the eyes and hugged him tighter, enjoying the feeling of another warm body pressed against his own.
He couldn't believe how their latest kiss could bring out so many emotions inside of him. How was it that someone he had hated for five whole years could make him feel so good?
"Draco" Harry corrected himself seriously, completely forgetting what he was going to say. "I didn't know that you were a decent human being." He muttered. Draco let out a soft and surprising laugh.
"Trust me; I'm not, and besides; there is a lot of things you don't know about me" He answered simply. Harry opened his mouth to say something when the sound of a door slamming shut reached their ears. Both of the two boys quickly pulled away from each other and Harry took a step back, staring around wildly.
"What was that?" He muttered mostly to himself, trying to catch a glimpse of the one who caused the noise.
"I don't know" Draco said with a slight frown. "We should have been more careful, anyone could just have walked right through and seen us" Harry nodded, imagining how hogwarts would react if they found out that he had kissed Draco Malfoy, death eater son.
"Maybe I should go now" He said, starting to feel a little awkward andglancing around one last time through the hallway.
"Right.." Draco muttered, still staring around suspiciously. Harry turned around to leave but turned around again at the sound of the slytherins voice.
"Wait" Draco had called after him and walked up to him. He quickly bent down and placed a soft peck on the smaller boy's lips. He didn't feel like he was kissing his enemy, he felt like a regular teenager flirting with a cute boy. "Don't be a stranger." Harry blushed again at the sign of affection. Draco couldn't help but find it adorable and smirked at him.
There was no point trying to deny that he felt something just because of their five years of fighting, they had not'known' each other, but Draco was certain that he wanted to know more about Harry now, even though he felt like a hufflepuff at that point.
"Right, see you around then" The gryffindor said and left. Draco stared after him for a second before he disappeared around the corner. He turned around and took another direction down to the dungeons, going back to the common room. He soon realized that he had forgotten to ask about the calming potion and frowned to himself, he'd have to remember to do that later.
He entered the slytherin common room feeling happier then he felt for days, no more mixed up feelings. He could see a black mop of hair before he was slammed against the wall forecefully.
"How dare you!" A voice hissed in his ear. "Who the HELL do you think you are!" Draco let a growl escape from his throat in frustration and pushed away the bigger boy.
"Piss off, Damon" He hissed and narrowed his eyes. Damon glared back at him and Draco could see Ethan and Jason doing the same thing sitting behind him on one of the black couches.
Blaise was also there but he didn't look at Draco at all, he was staring at a green candle while swaying his finger back and forth, in and out of the flame.
"You're protecting gryffindors now you traitor!" Damon growled and took a stepped closer to the blond boy, although Draco didn't step back as most people would have done at that point.
"What kind of idiot are you, messing with the golden boy!" Draco shot back just as angrily.
"Well, that's not your problem!" The older boy pointed out furiously, his green eyes growing darker and his face screwed up in anger. "You better stay out of my way, or you'll be sorry." With that he turned around and strode up the stairs, Jason jumped off the couch quickly and glared at Draco for a second before following the bigger boy.
Ethan sighed and nodded at Blaise one time before making his way up the stairs. Draco stared after him with anger shining through his grey eyes. Blaise and Ethan had always been good friends, they had known each other before hogwarts, but Ethan was a year older and had gotten new friends as he started at hogwart, like Damon for example. Some people actually had thought that they were brothers, they were about the same height, same eye color and same hair color.
"What is wrong with you?" Blaise hissed, putting out the candle with his finger and finally looking up to meet Draco's gaze with betrayal in his brown cold eyes. "Why did you do that?"
"What?" Draco snapped, annoyed that his best friend was going to start on him.
"Don't play stupid" Blaise growled and stood up harshly. "Why the hell would you protect Potter?"
"You heard what I said to Damon" Draco began to explain with the same fury in his voice. "If we mess with the Golden boy we're gonna get into trouble, and I'm not talking detentions or house points being taken away."
"Don't give me that bullshit" Blaise said furiously. "You didn't do that for us, you did it for him. What, are you friends or something! Must I remind you that you two have been enemies for five years?"
"No, we're not friends!" Draco cried. "Bloody hell, I keep you from bothering Potter one time and hell is set loose upon me. It's not a big fucking deal"
"Not a big deal?" Blaise laughed harshly. "It's about house pride, it's about which side you're on, it's about who you make your enemies!"
"Whatever, Zabini." Draco hissed and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't have to take his crap from you" He sat down on one of the armchairs in the common room, ending their 'conversation', determined not to be the one to storm out of the room.
Blaise did the same and sat down on the couch on the other side of the room, turning his attention to the candle next to the one he had put out earlier. With a stubborn look in his eyes he once again began to play with the flame, he wasn't going anywhere either..
The next day seemed to fly by and before Harry knew it, he was waiting outside of professor Nuit's office for his first lesson in wandless magic. He knocked three times and waited for the man to open the door.
"Come in" A voice said from the inside. Harry grabbed the door knob and turned it, opening the door. He walked into the dark office, the curtains were still pulled over the windows and it was exactly like the raven haired boy remebered it.
Harry took a step forward, having a little trouble trying to see through the darkness, even though the light shining through the dark red curtains gave the room a small shade of blood red it was very hard to make out anything in the room. Although it didn't take long for his eyes to get used to it and he could make out Nuit's desk in the other end of the room.
He closed the door and walked over there and sat down in the chair in front of Nuit who was just staring at him curiously.
The professor pointed an elegant finger at a red candle on the desk and it light up in an instant. He did the same to a few other candles all around in the room until it was glowing in a faint orange light.
"Did you bring your wand?" Nuit asked Harry, who nodded.
"Yes" He said and pulled it out of his pocket. Nuit stretched out his hand, grabbed it out of Harry's grasp and stood up. He walked over to the other end of the room and put it on one of the shelves next to a jar with some silver liquid and something small white floating in it.
On his way back to his desk he brought along a small white feather with two black spots on them. He put it down on the desk and sat down at the chair behind it again.
"Now, lets start at once..One of the first things you learn in regular magic is wingardium leviosa." He said, looking at the feather. "That's obviously because it's a really simple spell, especially with something as light as a feather."
"That book might have been a little to heavy for you as a first try, so I want you to try again, but with a feather this time, and also wingardium leviosa is much easier then accio." Harry nodded, Nuit was right, he couldn't even do accio before his fourth year.
"Now do as I told you yesterday." Nuit instructed. "Point your hand at the feather and say the incantation, focus on it like you did when you used wingardium leviosa with a wand. Focus." Harry nodded, he felt strangely nervous that he wasn't going to make it, that he'd fail just like occlumency.
With one hand lifted Harry spoke the words, wingardium leviosa, with a concentrating frown on his face.He was thinking about what Flitwick had said when he first learnt the spell in his first year. Just like before with the book, the feather didn't move an inch.
Harry stared at it, feeling very disappointed but didn't want to give up and tried again. Tom stood up and walked over to the shelf where the raven haired boy's wand could be found.
He grabbed it and brought it back to his desk. Harry looked away from the feather, let his hand fall to his side and stared at his professor. Nuit put down the wand on the desk a few inches from the feather.
"Try again." He said to Harry lowly. The emerald eyed boy nodded and, even though he was feeling really stupid by now, stretched out his hand into the air and tried to make the feather float with all of his mind.
When he expected nothing to happened like before the white object jerk a little and slowly started to float from the table and into the air. It stayed in the air for a few seconds and Tom let out a triumphed laugh, causing Harry to lose focus and the feather to sink back to it's original place.
"Good work, grasshopper" The professor said with a smile. "Well done."
"It felt a lot easier now, professor" Harry said, still slightly in shock and smiled, feeling really proud of himself. The violet eyed man nodded and held up Harry's wand, twirling it between his fingers gracefully.
"How easy it is to peform wandless magic depends on a lot of things" He explained. "How close you are to the object you wish to cast a spell on and how close you are to your magic source mainly. It's better to try the easier ways first, your homework today is going to be; try to cast a spell with your wand furhter and further away from you. Don't try to use any other object than a feather, I want you to learn on that before we move onto something a little harder. Could you try to make the feather come to you now?"
Nuit placed the wand on a shelf behind himself and the desk and gestured with his hands for Harry to try to cast the spell once more. The raven haired boy did as he had done before but this time tried another spell.
"Accio" The feather lay jerkíng on the desk but didn't move any further than that. "Accio!" Harry said again, a little more forcefully. The white feather jerked once again, this time it moved closer to him slowly. Harry had a lot harder to concentrate the closer it got, he noticed. It took a lot of magic out of him to peform this simple spell.
The feather got closer to his outstetched hand, but dropped a few inches in the air. Harry frowned in concentration, just a little bit more.. a little closer.. The feather fell back to the desk half way through the air.Harry let his hand fall to his side, feeling surprinsingly drained.
"You are getting it, grasshopper!" Nuit said and smiled. "You did good."
"Good?" Harry snapped, very annyoed that he couldn't peform a simple spell like that. "The feather barely got half way through to me, I've summoned a firebolt from inside this castle while down out at the grounds, but I couldn't get the bloody feather to move more then a few inches." He took a deep breath and fell back against the back of his chair in frustration.
"That's different, you had your wand right?" Nuit sighed. "When using a wand the magic comes from the core, in your case I can guess.. pheonix feather?" Harry nodded and was just about to ask how he knew when Tom continued.
"But when you peform wandless magic, it has to come from yourself, the wand is made to bring forth the magic inside of you, but a few wizards and witches have the ability to do it without a wand; wandless magic. If the wand is close, it radiates with power that helps the magic to flow, which makes it a lot easier."
Harry nodded finally starting to understand wandless magic and he couldn't wait until he got the hang of it.
"I'll try again" He said and picked up the white feather lying on the desk. He put it back on the desk and pulled back his hand a few inches.
"Accio!" He spoke with a demanding undertone, watching the feather once again fly up in the air about an inch above the desk. He felt his hand shaking and tried to steady it but it wouldn't stop. He feather was moving slowly towards it and Harry grew impatient and tired. He could feel his powers just pouring away by the second.
Just a few inches away now, it was so close. The feather had flown over the edge of the desk now. Harry felt his hand dropping a bit and so did the feather but he managed to keep it from falling to the floor, he frowned in concentration and felt the magic leaving him.
He didn't even notice that he had started panting and shaking badly. He could feel the feathers light touch against on of his stretched out fingers and resisted the urge to reach out for it and grab it. It had to come to him.
When Harry felt the top of the feather tickling his palm, he closed it and smiled in triumph. He had done it. He had actually done wandless magic, a simple spell or not.. He had done it.
"Good work, grasshopper. Although the wand was pretty close and it's going to get harder until you learn how to do it without it nearby." Nuit explained.
"Oh, don't ruin this for me" Harry smiled proudly, he didn't feel so hopeless anymore, maybe this would go better then the occlumency had.
"I'm just pointing it out. I think this is enough for today." Nuit decided. "Practice wandless magic and come back here tomorrow, same time. Don't try too hard spells, you'll wear yourself out if you push it too much. You have to be patient in this remember that, it's not easy and don't expect to be able to do anything too complicated for a while"
"Well, you don't seem to have high hopes for me" Harry muttered rolling his eyes.
"It's not that, I'm just giving you a piece of advice." Tom said seriously and added simply. "Aim low and you won't get disappointed." Harry snorted and stood up.
"I'll remember that" He said. "I'll see you tomorrow then, professor. Bye."
"Tomorrow, grasshopper." Nuit confirmed with a nod good bye.
He held out Harry's wand and the boy grabbed it before leaving the room. Walking down the hallway Harry felt more secure about himself then he had felt for weeks, he walked with his head held up high and a bright smile gracing his features.
"Draco" A high pitched voice shrieked, causing the blond boy to cringe. The blond boy was currently up in the slytherin boys dormitory, trying to get some peace and quiet, so far he had gotten his wish to come true, he hadn't even seen Blaise since last night after he had stormed out of the common room only a few minutes after their fight.
A girl with long black hair and dark gray eyes slammed the door open and walked over to Draco who was lying on his bed reading a book about acient spells.
"Oh for the love of god!" He muttered. "can't I get some peace and bloody quiet here?" Pansy ignored his comment and sat down at the edge of his bed.
"So what's this I've been hearing about you protecting Potter?" She asked, not sounding accusing but amused. Draco let out a frustrated sigh and slammed the book shut.
"Piss off, Pansy" He growled, closing his eyes in annoyance he was beginning to get a slight headache from her high pitched voice. "I've already been through all of this with half of the bloody slytherins."
"Yes, but I want to hear it, cause I'm not as dumb as Damon to believe your bullshit stories" Pansy said stubbornly and crossed her arms over her chest with a frown on her face.
"First of all, he didn't believe what I said one bit" Draco said trying to keep himself from cursing Pansy into the next week, he had to remind himself that they had been friends since they were kids in order to do that. "And it's none of your buisness anyway." He kicked out gently and hit Pansy in the hip causing her to fall down to the floor giggling.
"Ouch" She cried standing up, rubbing her hip with a smile on her face. Draco rolled his eyes and brought his attention back to the book, stretching out his legs. Feeling Pansy's presence in the room he found it hard to concentrate and let out a small growl from the back of his throat.
"What!" He snapped looking up, glaring at her. "Leave. Me. Alone!" He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't going anywhere. Clenching his teeth, Draco tried once again to focus on his book and ignore the stare.
"I know something, you don't know I know" Pansy said in a sing-song voice, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers with a smirk on her face. Draco looked up again this time in confusion and slight worry. She couldn't..?
"I really don't care" He drawled in a usual tone that Pansy was used to hearing, hoping that she wouldn't notice how nervous he really was. No one could know about his and Harry's kiss..es. She raised an eyebrown at him.
"Really?" She asked innocently. "Cause you should, I can only imagine how the other slytherins would react if they found out" Damn it. Draco could tell that she knew, but he also knew that she wouldn't tell anyone if he told him not to, they had after all been friends since they were childern. Draco nodded at her like if she had been a stupid kid in a gesture for her to continue.
"Didn't know that you fancied Potter" She said casually with a hint of amusement in her voice and Draco could have sworn he saw an twinkle in her dark gray eyes. He honestly didn't know how to respond to her bluntness like that and settled with a simple;
"I don't" Pansy let out a harsh laughter and Draco glared at her, completely forgetting about the book lying in his lap.
"Oh yeah? then why were the two of you standing in the dungeon with your tongues shoved down in each others throats?" She raised her eyebrown again. Draco knew that they were no point spending his entire day trying to deny everything, "Cause I saw you, you know"
That noise in the hallway had been Pansy? Draco cursed himself for being so obvious, what the hell had he been thinking kissing Harry Potter in a open hallway.
"You were spying on me or something?" Draco growled staring at her suspiciously.
"No!" Pansy cried. "God, don't be so bloody paranoid. I heard from Jason about what Damon had done to Potter and that you had stopped him, I went out to find you and there you the two of you were, sucking faces." Draco ignored the last bit and excepted her explanation.
"Whatever, it's no big deal" He said angrily. "And you better not tell anyone, because if you do I'll make sure that you'll be sorry." It was not like he didn't know any secrets about Pansy, she didn't want people to know.
"Gee, I won't tell anyone" She cried looking offended. "Merlin, you're moody today."
"Well, I'm getting tired of everyone meddling in things that aren't any of their buisness." Draco said calmly with a growling undertone and to his annoyance Pansy smiled brightly.
"Right, I'll stop.. meddling." she said smirking in amusement and walked away towards the door. She raised her hand and placed it on top of the cool, silver knob and turned around looking at Draco again.
"You know, you look kinda like the know-it-all Granger, sitting like that" She pointed out and left with the door closing behind her, smirking. Draco frowned in confusion and looked down at his lap, noticing that he was sitting with his legs crossed on top of the bed with the dark book in his lap and his hands resting on top of the cover of it.
He sighed and threw down the book on the floor, there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate now. He stood up and walked down to the common room, trying to see if Blaise was there but the room was almost empty except from a few younger students studying in the corner.
Draco cursed as he realized that dinner was soon over and rushed out of the common room towards the great hall.
Harry sat at the gryffindor table, listening to his friends' conversations and picking at the food on his plate. A sudden tiredness had hit him right before dinner and his stomach felt rather empty by now. Staring at the food in front of him he couldn't bring himself to take another bite, even though he hadn't eaten much.
He felt his stomach hurl and he looked away from all the food lying on the table, had it always been this greasy and fat? He took a sip from the water in his goblet and forced it down his throat, before taking a few deep breaths to calm his stomach.
He poked at his chicken with a fork with a disgusted look on his face. He stabbed it through a small piece of potato and nibbled on it slightly before putting it down again on the table. The taste made him nauseous.
He felt something at his shoulder, flinched and slapped it away quickly with slightly wide eyes. He looked to his right and saw Ron stare at his with a frown on his tanned face.
"What's wrong Harry? I was just wondering why you weren't eating." He said, staring at his pale and thin friend and placing a hand on his arm. Harry felt uncomfortable at once and pulled back his shoulder and arm slightly in a sort of shrug, so Ron's hand fell to the bench.
"I'm just not hungry" He replied brushing away a piece of hair falling into his emerald eyes. Ron nodded and turned back to his conversation with Dean about their new defence against dark arts teacher, that vampire seemed to be a very hot topic for the students to discuss.
"I just think it's weird witha dangerous creature training us to defend ourselves from people like himself." Ron muttered, he had never liked the fact that there was a vampire around them.
"I agree" Hermione joined in. "I read that when a vampire is transformed they lose all abilities to feel, they can't even feel sympathi for other people and the fact that they kill people for food isn't that comforting either." Harry looked up at the teachers' table and saw Nuit sitting and sipping a goblet between professor Filch and Hagrid. He couldn't imagine him being evil, but it wouldn't be the first time he had been wrong about a teacher.
He turned back to listen to the gryffindor's conversation, too tired to join in with his oppinion.
"-- and to kill a vampire you have to stake them with a sharp piece of wood or whatever" Ron said with a slight shudder."Through the heart"
"So?" Dean raised an eyebrow. "Don't you think that you would have died if someone stabbed you through the heart? I think professor Nuit is cool, I always knew that we were going to have a vampire as a teacher sometime, didn't I tell you?" Hermione rolled her eyes.
"You won't think he's so.. cool once he slits your throat." She said sharply causing Ron to flinch slightly in surprise and Dean to shake his head slowly.
"Do you really think that Dumbledore would hire someone who is dangerous to teach us?" He stated. Hermione and Ron exchanged looks and even Harry snorted quietly, everyone knowing about Dumbledore's problem with finding .. 'normal' people to take the postition as defence against dark arts teacher.
A sudden illness hit Harry suddenly and he groaned slightly and stood up quickly. He jumped over the bench, cursing it for being in his way and rushed out of the great hall.
Running down the corridors only made him feel worse and he had to swallow hard not to throw up. He rounded a corner and finally spotted a bathroom, and thankfully it was for boys.
He ran to the nearest toilet and fell down in a heap on the floor next to it, his knees hitting the hard floor painfully. The nauseating feeling in his stomach took over and he threw up the little dinner and lunch he had had.
He took a few deep breaths and fell back leaning against the bathroom wall, feeling rather weak and shaky. The bad taste in his mouth was almost enough to make him vomit again but he didn't think that there were anything left in his stomach to do so.
He coughed lightly, it felt like he had something left stuck in his throat. He stood up, grabbing the wall as he did so and walked over to one of the sinks.
He turned it on and let the cool water shower his small, delicate hands. He took a few gulps of the cold water with the help of his two hands and wiped away the drops running down from the corner of his mouth, down to his chin, with his sleeve.
He took another few deep breaths and looked up into the mirror above the sink. There he was, looking paler and thinner then ever. He brushed away a few strands of hair covering his forehead and revealed the pink scar over his left eye.
Sighing he let the hair fall back into it's place and cover up the small lightening bolt. How he wished that it would just disappear on day, that he would just be a 'normal' boy with nothing to worry about except from homeworks and messed up relationships.
The pressure of the prophecy had started to get to him, everything felt hopless. Even if he did learn occlumency, legilimency and wandless magic, would it be enough to beat the most powerful and dark wizard of all time? He doubted it.
He couldn't imagine himself duelling with Voldemort and actually having a chance. The dark lord had had decades of training with dark magic and Harry hadn't even graduated from hogwarts yet..
The dark lord had no weakness. Harry looked himself carefully in the mirror and almost laughed out loud. Such a weak little boy he thought, seeing a small bruise right under his left ear.
How hopeless he was. Harry let out a choked growl in frustration and slammed his hands into the sides of the sink, feeling them throbbing slightly from the force of it.
He rubbed them together to get away the feeling and both of his hands started to itch slightly. He rolled his eyes and dragged his short nails over the delicate skin making small red marks over it. It only seemed to get worse and he pressed down harder and harder over the back of his hand.
It started to burn slightly but the itch didn't want to go away and Harry pressed down even harder, digging his nailed into the tender, pale skin. Over the back of his hand, over the palm. His skin was pink and irritated and the scratches got even deeper and deeper.
His hands were trembling a little but he didn't notice it and his nails travelled up to his fingers and scratched them harshly, tearing at the skin under them, it trailed down to the palm again and lower.. lower.
His wrist seemed to be throbbing, it was almost like something was crawling through his hands. He jerked slightly and pulled away his hand as he pressed through the skin on the wrist. A small drop of blood ran down his arms and landed on the with tile floor.
He looked at the small wound on his wrist and blinked once.. twice. He felt suddenly really disgusted with himself and his weakness, it just seemed to wash over as he saw what he had accidently done to himself. No, he was not going there.
The small cut was not enough to draw any more blood, but it was stinging. He rubbed away the small drop of blood in the cut on the sleeve and did the same with the drop on the floor, only using his shoe this time.
He heard the heavy door to the bathroom open and quickly turned around to face whoever just walked in. He blinked at the sight of Neville Longbottom standing in the doorway almost frozen on the spot. He smiled brightly at Harry and shut the door behind him as he walked over to the sink next to the one Harry was standing by.
"Hiya Harry" He said and turned on the tap, the water flowing down freely, and put his hands under the cool liquid. Harry noticed that they were looking red and swollen.
"Hey Neville" He said, looking up at the boy's face before turning back his gaze to stare at his hands. "Are you okay? What happened?" He frowned slightly as Neville grimaced and his hands twitched.
"I had a little accident with my mimbulus mimbletonia" He explained. "I got some weird yellow liquid from it all over my hands. I know it's not poisonus, it just stings a lot."
"Erm.. Neville, maybe you should go to the hospital wing." Harry suggested with a frown, worriedly. "It doesn't look good." The other boy let out a small groan and his hand shook slightly.
"No, it's not poisonus" Neville repeated stubbornly, rubbing his hands together under the cold jet of water.
"Yeah, but I think that madame Pomfrey could get you something for the swelling." Harry said. Neville whimpered with his face slightly screwed up in pain. "That's it I'm taking you to the hospital" Harry grabbed the other boy's and linked their arms together gently, leading him out of the bathroom, the water still running behind them.
Harry was leading Neville down the corridors when someone bumped into the latter one's shoulder. Neville gasped in surprise and in slight pain and clutched his hand against his chest.
"Watch it." They heard a sneering voice hiss, Harry knew that voice and so did Neville. They turned around and saw that Malfoy was walking towards the great hall, he hadn't bothered to look up at all.
"Come on." Harry muttered to Neville and tugged at his arm gently, so he wouldn't cause his friend anymore pain. They walked down to the infirmary without making a sound except from their footsteps echoing in the empty hallways and Neville's whimpering if he moved his arm too sudden.
Harry pushed the door to the hospital wing open and walked in pulling Neville along with him. Madame Pomfrey was standing in front of an open cupboard, going through the vials in it. She turned around at the sound of the door opening with a crystal vial with some purple liquid in it in her hand.
"Mr Potter, what have you done now?" She cried with a frown and walked over to him quickly, leaving the cupboard open and putting a hand over his forehead. Harry sighed and pulled away from the touch.
"It's not me" He said, feeling slightly amused at madame Pomfrey's reaction as he walked through the door. "It's Neville" He nodded his head at the boy next to him, who looked at the edge of tears with his hans pressed against his chest in what looked like a protective manner.
Madame Pomfrey looked over him like she hadn't seen him untill now and Harry guessed that she hadn't. She ushered him over to one of the beds and pushed him down so that he was sitting on the edge with his elbows in his lap. She took one look at his hands and turned around, walking over to the other end of the room.Harry sat down at the bed next to it, staring at Neville.
The medi-witch opened another cupboard and searched through it for a few seconds before she pulled out a white tube with some salve in ut before walking back to Neville and kneeling in front of him. She opened the tub and squeezed out some of the content into her hand.
"What happened?" She asked as she grabbed both of Neville's hands and rubbed the salve onto them carefully.
"M-m-my mimbulus mimbletonia secreted some yellow liquid on my hands" Neville explained, his voice slightly shaking. "I didn't think it was such a big deal, it just stung a little."
"Silly boy, why don't you just get yourself an owl like all the other children do?" Madame Pomfrey muttered, shaking her head slightly and finished with the salve. The swelling had already gone down a little but his hands still looked as red as before. Neville blushed at what she had said and moved his fingers a little, they didn't hurt anymore.
"It will take a few minutes for the swelling to go down completely" The medi-witch said and stood up. "Your hands will probably start itching after a few hours, but you can't touch it, it could start stinging again, so I'm going to give you some lotion for the itch. Follow me, mr Longbottom."
Neville stood up too and followed madame Pomfrey into another room the door was closed behind him, leaving Harry alone in the room. Sighing, Harry left his hands slip into his pocket and frowned as he felt something brush against his right hand. He pulled it out and saw that it was a copy of his and Draco's cure for headaches, scribbled down on a little piece of parchment.
He snorted, it had been left in his pocket for days now. He opened his dark bag and put the note down into it, a small clink was heard as Harry's fingers collided with something hard and slightly cold. He let the note lie in his bag and instead lifted up the other harder object.
It was a small, empty glass vial. He once again put down his hand into the bag, searching through it with his thin, pale fingers. They brushed against the hard cover of a book, the thin tip of his wand, a soft feather he used as a quill and another well formed glass vial, this one was also empty.
Harry threw down the two empty vials on the bed and digged through the bag, looking for more. He let out a irritated growl, all the things inside of the bag was getting in his way. He threw down book after book on the bed, next to the vials, followed by his quills, parchment and wand.
Two other empty vials was found at the bottom om the now empty bag and nothing more. Harry frowned and let his fingers trail against the soft fabric of the bag to be sure that there wasn't anything there. He didn't have anymore calming potions.
Only the thought made Harry nervous, what if he paniced and didn't have anything for it? His friends would send him right back to the hospital like he was depressed, insane or something.
He pushed back all his belonging into the bag, except from the empty vials, they lay on the white bed anda small drop of the content that had been left fell down onto the white sheets. Harry stared at the door which Neville and madame Pomfrey had went through, they still hadn't come back.
He glanced quickly at the potion cupboard where he had gotten his calming draughts the last time, noticing for the first time that it was slightly open, madame Pomfrey always locked her cupboards. He shoot the door another glance, yet there were no sign that Neville or the medi-witch would come back anytime soon, of course he couldn't know that.
He jumped off the bed with his bag hanging over his right shoulder and rushed over to the cupboard, opening it quietly, he quickly scanned through it untill he found the vials with the familiar light blue liquid in it. He's eyes darted once again at the door before he grabbed five or six vials of calming draught and putting them into his bag carefully.
He frowned, it looked so suspicious that he pulled the other vials with calming draught forwards, so that it would appear to be more than it was. He closed the cupboard and walked bag to the bed, seating himself on the edge again and scooping down the empty vials into his bag too, come on, he couldn't leave them there.
A few minutes later Neville and madame Pomfrey came back through the door, the boy's hands had bandage over them, only leaving the tip of each finger bare. He looked at Harry in surprise and smiled brightly.
"I didn't think you would wait for me." He said. He was holding a small bottle with somea light red potion in it.
"Remember mr Longbottom; let the bandage stay on for an hour and then use the potion if you feel that you need it, you can go." Madame Pomfrey said sternly to Neville.
"Okay." The boy muttered, nodding. He and Harry said their good byes to madame Pomfrey and left the hospital wing.
"I think I'm going to head back to the common room now" Neville said and stopped in the middle of the hallway, before turning away and slowly walking around the corner. Although he had only taken a few steps before Harry walked up on his side.
"Okay, I'm going there too" He said, Ron and Hermione were probably still in the great hall. "I have my charms essay to finish before class and besides I already ate." Neville looked at him and smiled slightly, as they walked back to the gryffindor common room. Harry took another look at the boy beside him; Neville was a slightly chubby boy with dark brown, almost black hair and friendly eyes, they were slightly wide and made him look a little nervous, especially since he had a habit to dart them back and forth whenever he was around a lot of people.
Harry couldn't help but think what would have happened if Voldemort had attacked Neville instead of himself that day fifteen years ago, what would the world have been like? Had Neville even survived that night? Harry shook his head, trying to clear him minds off of those thoughts, there was no point wondering how things could have been, this is reality and nothing could change the past, it was the future he had to think about.
"Kelpie" Harry said as they reached the fat lady's portrait, it swung open revealing the gryffindor common room. The two boys walked through the hole and Harry swooped down onto one of the big couches in front of the fireplace, leaning backwars against the soft cushions. He stretched his arms, high in the air and saw Neville wince slightly as the raven haired boy's arms and shoulders gave away a few cracking sounds.
"So you wanna play chess or something?" He asked the boy who was still standing up in the middle of the common room. Neville looked at him and frowned.
"Didn't you have that charms essay to finish?" He asked, distantly. Harry shrugged a little and yawned. He knew that even if he started with the essay he wouldn't get much done, his thoughts would probably wander off and he would spend the rest of the lunch thinking about stuff that didn't even matter anyway.
"I'm not in the mood for studying" He explained. "Why do you have something else to do?" Neville shrugged too and looked away a little. Harry got the feeling that Neville didn't want to be there.
"Not really.. I just.. Nothing.." The brown eyed boy ended up muttering, still not moving. Honestly, he didn't know if he should sit down with Harry or escape up into the dormitory.
"Well, we don't have to play chess." Harry continued. "We could always do something else if you want, exploading snap--"
"It's not that, Harry" Neville interrupted before the raven haired boy could suggest anything else. Harry looked at him as if waiting for him to continue, the boy felt himself choke on his own words that never left his mouth.
"What's wrong, Neville?" Harry asked worriedly, the other boy looked like a mix between sad and nervous. "Are you okay? Do you need to go back to the hospital wing or something?" He straigented up in the couch and stared at the other boy, ready to jump of his spot if he would faint or anything like that. Neville sighed.
"You don't have to pretend to care you know, Harry" He said, it was said in such a weak and quiet tone that Harry had almost missed it. He tried to search for Neville's eyes but the other boy, refused to meet his gaze and stared everywhere but at him.
"What do you mean?" The raven haired boy asked a little harsher than he had wanted it to come out like. "What do you mean 'pretend' to care?" He had to admit that he felt slightly irritated, Neville had just called him false.
"It's just.. You followed me to the hospital wing and that was really nice of you, but you don't have to stay around me now" The latter boy muttered, looking down at the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
"Nevilly, what--" Harry begun but was once again interrupted by the other boy.
"Do you ever feel that you aren't good enough?" Neville asked, his tone sounded broken and defeated, he muttered quietly to himself. "Of course you don't" Harry blinked, taken aback by the sudden mood change of his fellow gryffindor.
"Good enough for what?" He asked. Neville stayed silent for a while again and when Harry did no longer await an answer, he once again heard that sad and broken voice, it sounded as if it was someone completely different from Neville was talking, the voice was so distant, montone, but yet so filled with sadness and smothered despair.
"Whatever. Your friends.. Your family's name.. Your classmates.. This world.. You know, like you don't deserve to be around." He said. "You see all these people around you, they are kind, smart, noble and brave; just like you're expected to be, but aren't.." Harry honestly didn't know what to say, he had not expected Neville to say something like that. Was it really how he felt? That he wasn't good enough for the rest of the gryffindors.
"You try so hard to be just like them." He continued sadly, looking up and meeting Harry's gaze. "But it's never enough, you just aren't good enough to be like them." He sighed. "I can't brew a potion to save my life, I can't even handle a bloody plant.." He lifted his hands covered in bandage and let out a humorless laugh. ".. Everyone is good at something, I can't do anything."
"Come on Neville, don't be like that, remember how great you did in DA last year." Harry pointed up, trying to cheer up his friend. "And you got an 'O' in herbology´, that's great. What makes you think that you aren't good enough?" Neville shrugged sadly..
"I dont know." He muttered. "It's just.. You should hear how my grandma talks about my dad, how good he was in school, how smart and talented he is.. was.. I think she is disappointed that I didn't turn out more like him. " His shoulder slumped. "I'm afraid of what people will think about me.. Do you ever feel like that?"
Harry thought about how he had felt when he realized that he was bi, the first thing that had crossed him mind was "What will Ron and Hermione think of me now? Will they accept me or abandon me like Ron did in our fourth year?".
"Yes, I do" He answered simply. "Everyone does one time or another, it's completely normal. Remember that time Seamus wore that black turtle neck that day and Dean made fun of him for it?" Neville nodded. "He threw it away the next day, have you ever seen him wear it since then? No, and you know how Seamus is, even he has his insecure moments.." Neville snorted.
"I guess you're right Harry.. Thanks" He muttered. "But still.. I just hate to disappoint my grandma and I keep wondering if.. if my parents would have been proud of me if they were here.." Harry frowned, he had pondered about the same thing when he was a little kid and didn't know anything about his parents, he always wondered what they were like and what they would have thought of him.
"Neville, just let it go. Don't ponder these things." He said. Neville nodded.
"I know I shouldn't." He said in a low tone and let out a bitter laugh. "I just can't help it. God, I really brought down the mood didn't I?" He let out a depressed sigh and sank down to the floor, leaning backwards against the stone wall and stretched out his legs in front of him. Harry looked at the other boy and realized that he had never had a real conversation with him before, he had never noticed how much Neville had matured since first year. They did talk to each other, but not really talked.
The once skittish boy had now developed quite a bit; he did not sound so nervous and squeaky anymore, his voice was deeper and softer now. His eyes had a certain warmth in them that gave him a friendly look, but in those brown depths there was a twinkle of confusion; he looked somewhat lost now. He had certainly grown quite a bit through the years, but the biggest change could be seen in his eyes and heard in his voice.
Eyes.. - The window to your soul, they seemed to reflect Neville's inner, the inner of a lost and confused little boy. Someone who was trying to find his place in the world, who was still trying to figure everything out. Harry had never noticed this about Neville before, he had never taken a second look, never given it a second thought.
He felt a little bad after realizing this, maybe that was why Neville felt so left out. No one really took notice of him, he was just one in the crowd, another person in the world. No one would ever know what was inside of his mind, not unless they stopped to take another look, listen a little more carefully, a little more attentive.
Harry stood up and walked over to the spot where Neville was leaning against the wall. He sat down on the floor in front of him and stared at him, trying to meet the other boy's gaze, after only a few seconds he looked up and Harry could see the sadness in his eyes.
He didn't say anything, at loss for words. He wanted to explain himself, apologize for something, he didn't even know what. For neglecting his friend? Of course Neville must have felt lonely, he grew up without his parents, he didn't have a best friend, someone to be there just to listen, nor did he have a girlfriend.
"I'm sure they would have been. Your parentsand proud that is" He settled on saying, he knew that it didn't mean anything, he knew that his words could never replace Neville's parents thoughts but it still felt like the right thing to say and to his surprise Neville smiled happily.
"Thanks Harry" He whispered. There was a few minutes of silence, it wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. They sat there not saying anything until Neville turned his head to look at Harry's profile.
"How about a game of chess?" He asked, Harry snorted and nodded.
"Sure" He replied. Neville stood up and ran upstairs to get chess set while Harry sat there looking after him. Neville certainly had changed, or maybe it was Harry who hadn't seen the real him before. All he knew now was that you could never know what was going on inside of a person's head, he thought that he finally understood what Snape had been talking about in his fifth year. A person's mind was a complicated thing, you couldn't just open and read it like some book, it was a mystery no one except from yourself could solve.