4 hours later...
I spent the last 4 hours alone, sitting through the freezing cold October weather, crying. What just happened to me? What did I just do?
I didn't care if today was my birthday and I didn't care if I had just ruined it for myself. I just couldn't believe that I told him. I finally told him I loved him. I cried, yelled, expressed my personal hell to him, how it hurt me to see him with Victoria, and how I was better for him, and that I was in love with him. I actually told him I was in love with him. He finally understands why I haven't been acting like myself for the past 2 months. He now knows that I've been in love with him all this time.
But what killed me the most was when he told me who he loved. The words that I said, and the words that he said, burned in my mind. Just remembering his response killed me emotionally, and it made me break out into tears again.
"WHY ALVIN? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU?" I fired. "WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT HER SO MUCH?"
Alvin sighed deeply, then looked into my eyes. "Because I love her."
He loves Victoria. He said it to my face. And when he said those words to me, a part inside of me had died. When you are in love and you get hurt, it's like a cut - eventually, it will heal, but there will always be a scar - a scar from hearing him say that he loves Victoria. But I don't think it will ever heal for me.
And that's what set me off. My anger flooded through my veins. I was so hurt. I now know for a fact that he doesn't love me. He will never love me.
And I'm pretty sure that my sisters, Theodore and Simon know the truth too. Yes, I was ashamed that they overheard everything, but in a way, they had to know as well. I was now afraid to face Alvin forever. I didn't know what to do anymore. He was once my best friend. But now, it'll be as if we had never met. I don't think I can ever face him again.
And after what happened today, I'm not sure he would ever like to see my face again.
But no matter what we went through today, no matter how hard those words have pierced through me, no matter how many tears I shed, I know that deep inside of me, I am still in love with him. My feelings won't change. I love him, even though I know he doesn't feel the same. And I know that I am better for him than Victoria.
But as of now, I am nothing but a girl who just had her heart shattered into a trillion pieces, unable to piece them back up, and doing nothing but cry over the agony that the boy I love gave me.
But I told myself I had to go back. I had to go back upstairs to my dorm. I didn't know if I would be able to stay strong, but I just had to go back. I've spent the last 4 hours here, and I was getting cold. But my emotions were overshadowing me. I couldn't do, or think about anything except for what just happened between me and Alvin. I've told myself in the past that if I ever told him, I should expect the reaction he gave. But never in a million years did I think that it would be so hard to accept.
But I made my way back to the dorm campus, up the stairs to my floor, and walked to my dorm. My fingers were shaking as I pulled my keys out. I twisted the key, and opened the door. I walked inside, my cheeks flushed, and closed the door behind me.
Eleanor and Jeanette appeared out of the kitchen. They looked at me for a moment, as if they were afraid I might explode with anger again. I darted my eyes away from them. They know everything now. I've wanted to tell them ever since, but I never had the strength to. But now they know that I am in love with Alvin Seville. But they also know that Alvin doesn't love me back.
"Britt..." Jeanette said softly.
I knew they heard everything, I knew they know everything, so there was no point in keeping my feelings in. Because I have done that for the past 2 months, and look at what it's done to me.
I looked at both of my sisters, and I suddenly burst into tears.
"Brittany!" Exclaimed Eleanor, and she and Jeanette came over to me. They pulled my crying self over into the living room and sat me down on the couch, and they each sat on either side of me. "Britt, shh. It's okay." Said Eleanor, rubbing my arm.
I shook my head. I was emotionally damaged forever, because I fell in love with the boy I least expected to fall in love with.
"Britt, talk to us." Said Jeanette quietly, but I shook my head again. "The boys left a few hours ago. Don't worry, it's just us 3. Brittany, it's alright."
"I don't know what to do anymore!" I sobbed, almost screaming.
My sisters said nothing for a while. I heard Eleanor inhale deeply. "Just talk to us, if that'll make you feel better. We're your sisters. You can tell us anything. We won't judge you."
I didn't have to think twice. I couldn't keep my feelings inside of me any longer. I've lived through that, having my feelings locked up inside of me for two months, and it literally made me insane. It was like keeping a secret, but you wanted to yell it out so badly, just to get it out of you.
"I-I-I love him." I stuttered in a whisper.
"We know, Britt." Jeanette said gently, rubbing my hair.
"And I don't get why it hurts to love him!" I yelled tearfully. "I don't get why he's with her, and not me!" My breathing was heavy and short. "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?"
My sisters said nothing again, and I continued to sob dangerously.
"It's not your fault." Jeanette told me, taking a tissue from the tissue box, and dabbing it on my tear stained cheeks.
"Yes it is!" I exclaimed, looking at her. "Don't you see why this is wrong? I fell in love with Alvin Seville! Did you guys EVER expect me to fall in love, especially with someone I've known for 15 years? Especially to him? Someone who was my best friend? This is why this is wrong! I fell in love with the guy I least expected to fall in love with!"
"Britt, it's not wrong." Said Eleanor. "We understand if you love him."
"No, you don't understand! He doesn't love me! This is why I haven't told anyone! Because I was afraid of what he will say!" I cried out. "God, I don't know what the hell I was thinking! Why the hell did I fall in love with him in the first place?" I continued to cry again.
I didn't know who I was. I felt so weird, so different. It was like my feelings and emotions were possessing me. Yet, the only thing I could do was cry. I'm crying my heart out, hurt and heartbroken, all because of him. All because I fell in love with my best friend...
"I hate him." I whispered, tears falling into my lap.
"No, Britt, don't say that." Said Eleanor.
"I HATE HIM!" I screamed, feeling like my lungs were going to break any moment now.
Eleanor turned to me. "Brittany, look at me." She said, but I turned away, embarrassed to show my tearful face. "You don't hate Alvin, you know that. You still love him."
"Don't say that I love him!" I cried. "Because look at what's happened to me! Look at what's happened to me, because I love him! I don't know what to do anymore!"
My sisters didn't respond. Everything I was saying was true. I was so full of emotions, so overwhelmed with everything, so confused, so hurt, so furious, that I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I felt so useless, so worthless, like my life didn't matter anymore. I didn't care about anything anymore. Everything seemed meaningless, and pointless. What was the point of my life, if I was gonna continue like this? I don't want to keep getting hurt, but I had no other path to take.
I started to cry again, releasing a new batch of tears. I hung my head down, and buried my face in my hands. "Why is it so hard to let him go?" I cried.
"Because you love him." Said Jeanette, quietly. "You love him, Brittany. And you know you can't deny that."
I shut my eyes tighter. All I wish I had right now was my mother. I needed Miss Miller...
After a few seconds of complete silence, I looked up to look at my sisters. "I'm sorry for all of this."
Jeanette and Eleanor looked at me. "No, no, Britt! Don't be sorry about this at all." Said Jeanette.
I shook my head. I felt like crap. I felt horrible. "No! I ruined our birthday. I am so sorry. I didn't mean to screw this day up." I whispered. "It-it's just...I just need someone to talk to." I sobbed, my mind darting back to Miss Miller.
"You can tell us anything, Brittany. If you want to tell us, we're here to listen." Eleanor said quietly.
I told myself that my sisters are all I have now. With our mother dead, they're the only ones whom I can talk to about anything now. Because I can't talk to the one guy that I have told everything to anymore. But I'm just hoping that my sisters will understand. I just needed to get it out.
I began to explain everything. To the first time I realized that I was in love with Alvin, and how it was almost impossible to accept the fact that I am in love with him. To the time Victoria told me she asked Alvin out, and how he said yes, and how it crushed me, and how Alvin began to notice the changes in my behaviours, which began this whole thing about me becoming an emotional wreck. To the first time I called Miss Miller, crying to her, and telling her that I fell in love with a boy who doesn't feel the same, and when she told me that if I loved someone, I had to let them go. To the time when I bumped into Anthony, and got that stupid idea of mine, and to that fight Alvin and I had at the restaurant when I said those cruel words to him. To how Anthony told me he was falling for me, and how I lied that I liked him back, and how that night, I called Miss Miller again, telling her that my life is falling apart, because I am in love with Alvin Seville.
And finally, I told my sisters what Miss Miller told me 10 years ago.
"Don't be afraid to fall in love."
They listened to my story, and when I finished, I was crying even more than I had been earlier. Both of my sisters hugged me, as I cried on Jeanette's shoulder.
"Why does he love her?" I whispered tearfully. "What does Victoria have, that I don't?"
"Don't blame anything on yourself, Britt." Said Jeanette, gently.
I closed my eyes. "I feel so stupid for falling in love with him in the first place." I whispered with effort.
"Brittany, it's not your fault." Eleanor said quietly.
"Everything's my fault, Elle." I said. "If I hadn't of fallen in love with him, none of this would be happening. I don't even remember how I fell in love with him." I sighed. "Why does he love her, and not me?" I whispered, new tears rolling down my face.
"Don't get mad at yourself. Nothing is your fault." Eleanor whispered again.
After a moment of silence, I asked, "W-When I ran out earlier, what...what did the boys say?"
Jeanette sighed and looked down. "Well, Simon and Theodore were...shocked." She said. "They didn't really say anything. The 4 of us just kinda stared at each other for a while. We were all...surprised."
I looked down, feeling my heart pump faster. "What about Alvin?" I asked, feeling my fingers tremble again when I said his name.
My sisters froze. They didn't say anything.
"What did he say?" I asked.
Eleanor sighed and said, "Britt, I don't think-"
"What did he say?" I repeated, although I was afraid to hear the answer.
Eleanor didn't say anything for a long time. She looked away. "He was angry, Britt." She said quietly.
I knew it. I closed my eyes. My chest began to ache.
"B-But I think it's just because he was frustrated and overwhelmed by everything." Continued Eleanor, still in a soft voice. "I don't think he's mad at you."
I felt hot fresh tears run down my cheeks. "That's because he hates me."
"Alvin would never hate you." Said Jeanette in a quiet, but serious voice.
"I just told him that I'm in love with him!" I said. "I told him that he shouldn't be with his girlfriend, and that he should be with me! Of course he hates me!"
"No, Britt-" Said Eleanor, but I cut her off by standing up, and running to my bedroom door. I slammed the door behind me, and fell onto my bed, releasing my inner pain and agony as if there was no tomorrow.
I have never been hurt like this before. I have never felt like this. I felt like I was going insane, like I was mentally ill. But I wasn't insane, I was just in love. When people say that 'Love hurts', I say 'Love kills'.
1 week later...
Victoria came back from her visit to her mom on Monday, which was 3 days after our birthday. It is now the following Friday, the first week of November. When she came back, I could tell that my sisters saw her differently now. I knew my sisters didn't have a problem with her, but they knew I did. But they still managed to stay friendly with her. Victoria moved back into our bedroom, and my sisters made me promise that I wouldn't do anything to show how much I hated her.
But I didn't say anything to her at all. As usual, I pretended she didn't exsist. I'm not even sure it's possible to dislike someone as much as I dislike Victoria. When she came back, she was all like, 'Hiiiii guuuyssss! Ohmygawd, like how was your birthdaaaay? I hope you guys had fuuuuuun!'
Stupid bitch. If only she knew how our birthday went. All because of HER and her boyfriend.
It was a cloudly Friday afternoon. I just got out of class, and I was walking back to the dorm when I found mail in front of our door. I picked it up. There was a letter for Eleanor, and one for Victoria. I walked inside the door, and it seemed like I was alone. I dropped the letters on the kitchen counter before I decided to go into my room to start on my homework, when I heard a voice.
"Yeah, I just got back."
It was Victoria's voice, coming from the bedroom. It sounded like she was talking to someone. I felt my face heat up. Who was she talking to? I was about to turn around and walk away before I got really mad, when she began to laugh.
"Awww, really?" She said, giggling.
I walked towards the bedroom door, and pressed my ear against it. I didn't hear a second voice, so I was guessing she was on the phone with someone. But then my heart began to beat rapidly. The first and only name that popped into my mind was Alvin.
Victoria giggled again. "You're so cute."
I swear, I could almost hear my heartbeats through my chest. My face got all hot. I couldn't believe it. No matter how hard I cried, telling him that I loved him, he was still in love with her.
Then I heard Victoria sigh. "Yeah, college is going okay for me, I guess. What about you?"
Wait. I was suddenly confused. Why is she asking Alvin about college? They see each other every f-cking day of the week.
"That's good." Said Victoria, after a few seconds. "Well, I miss you."
I was about to lose it.
"I love you, Daniel." Said Victoria. "I'll talk to you soon, okay? Bye."
I froze. I felt my heart rate slow down in a bit of relief, but I was in utter shock. I gasped to myself. So she wasn't talking to Alvin, but some guy named Daniel? 'I love you, Daniel. I'll talk to you soon, okay? Bye.' Those words were said by Victoria, which twisted my brain. She said 'I love you' to some guy, but she's dating Alvin. I mean, who the hell is Daniel anyway? She's Alvin's girlfriend, but she said 'I love you' to someone else? I felt confused, but I had a sick feeling about this.
And before I knew it, Victoria opened the door. I almost forgot that my head was leaning against it, and I almost fell in.
"Oh." Said Victoria.
"S-Sorry." I said, and I realized that that was the first word I had said to her ever since she came back from visiting her mom. "I was gonna get something inside."
Victoria just raised her eyebrows and walked past me, and into the kitchen. I looked at her, confused. Usually Victoria would be all sweet and forgiving, but she just ignored me. That wasn't her. I dropped my books and bag on my bed and went into the kitchen. She was at the table, and I walked in, trying to look for some something to eat in the fridge. She didn't look up at me once. Yeah, I know I'm not friends with her, but I've been living with her for almost 3 months now, and this weird attitude of hers was not like her.
I decided to speak up. "Oh, you have mail. It's on the count-"
"I know." She said. She stood up, grabbed her letter, and turned on her heel to walk away.
What the hell was wrong with her? "Victoria." I said, wondering what the hell happened to that irritating sugary pink sweet annoying attitude of hers.
She turned to me. "What?" She asked.
I looked at her in disbelief for a few seconds. "You okay?" I asked. Okay, I honestly didn't give a crap about this girl, but this new change in her attitude was weird.
She raised her eyebrows again. "I'm fine." She stated.
"Then why-"
She cut me off. "Well, except for the fact that you just told my boyfriend that you're in love with him."
I froze.
"Yeah, Alvin told me. He told me everything." She said bitterly. When I didn't say anything, she said, "So is that why you've hated me ever since?" She asked, but I remained quiet. "Hm, thought so. Well, hate to break it to you, but Alvin is with me."
I felt my heart sink.
"Listen Brittany, I honestly did nothing wrong to you, but you've been such a bitch to me, that I totally lost respect for you." She fired. "And now, especially when you told Alvin that you love him."
My heart began to jump. But I tried to keep cool. "Whatever." I said quietly.
She rolled her eyes at my attitude. "I love Alvin, okay? So stop trying to get between us." She said, looking at me.
What she just said set me off, as if fire and acid swam through me. I wasn't just angry and furious. I was more than that. I had enough. I couldn't contain myself. "You love him?"
"Yeah, I do." She said matter-of-factly.
"Oh yeah?" I fired. "Then who's Daniel?"
And when I asked her that, I saw her freeze in her spot.
Victoria looked at me, and I could tell she was trying to keep calm. "I-I don't know what you're talking about." She said.
"Oh, I think you know exactly what I'm talking about." I said sourly. "I heard you talking to someone on the phone. To some guy named Daniel, and I heard you say I love You to him. How are you gonna deny that?" I felt so angry, I was about to erupt.
"He...That was my brother." She said.
It only took me 5 seconds to rack through my brain. I raised my eyebrows. "You told me that you were an only child." She said nothing for a long time, as if trying to find another excuse. I took that as an advantage to call her out. "Who's Daniel?"
She dodged what I just said. She stared at me for a few seconds and said, "You're just jealous."
"What?" I asked, in disbelief.
"You're just jealous that Alvin's my boyfriend, and that he loves me. He told me that he loves me." She said.
I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it. I felt weak, I felt sick. He told her? I wanted to run away, but I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to let her win over me. I wasn't going to show her how weak I was. I regained myself after a few seconds, and looked at her. "Y-You're dating someone else, aren't you."
She just looked at me. "You have no proof."
"I heard everything." I said.
She didn't say anything after that.
"You have another boyfriend." I said, quietly but furiously. "That Daniel guy, he's your boyfriend."
Victoria looked at me, and raised her eyebrows. "Fine. You got me. Very good." She said, but the tone in her voice showed that she didn't care that she just revealed the truth. "Yeah, I do have a boyfriend back at home. So what?"
My mouth hung open. "Bu-But you're dating..."
She shrugged. "I know." She added devilishly.
I couldn't believe what was happening. I was staring at my roommate, not believing that this was coming out of her mouth. I would of NEVER thought that someone like Victoria could do something so menacing like this. She just told me that Alvin told her that he loved her, yet, she also told me that she has another boyfriend back at home, whom she said 'I love you' to. I just stood there, shocked.
"But Alvin..." I whispered.
Victoria smiled at me, but I could tell that it wasn't a real smile. "He wouldn't believe you." She said, then laughed lightly to herself. "I mean, after what happened between you guys, do you think he'll believe you?"
I said nothing. I couldn't move.
"And besides..." She said. "Who's he gonna believe? You? Or me, his girlfriend?" She just looked at me, and smiled, knowing that I couldn't answer her. She turned around, walked to the bedroom, and closed it behind her.
I continued to stand there, staring into blank space. I can't believe it. What the hell just happened?
If Victoria has another boyfriend, then why is she with Alvin? Why is she dating Alvin? Why did she tell me she LOVES Alvin, while she said 'I love you' to that Daniel guy? Is she using Alvin? Does she actually love him? I had the urge to go run and tell Alvin, despite how afraid I was to see him, and tell him - tell him that I was right. That I was better for him, and that I truly love him, and that he should love me. Not Victoria - that two-timing, cheating bitch. But Victoria was right. After what happened between us, he would never believe a word I said.
But I knew what I had to do.
I wasn't going to let Victoria hurt him.
OHMYGOD.
Well, I guess Victoria isn't who we thought she was. But seriously though! Can you believe that she has another boyfriend? Unexpected, huh! D:
And will Brittany have the guts to tell Alvin? But do you think he'll believe her?... :(
I really hope you guys liked the chapter! And PLEASE review! Reading your reviews make my day :) And hopefully, I'll update really soon again. Thank you guys!