"Miss...Rolfsmeyer." Hackett could put so much gravitas in such a simple phrase. It was only her name...
"Yes..." She fought the urge to call him sir, locking her fingers together in her lap and meeting his eyes. Time for another lecture, this time given in Hackett's office. Same lecture, different surroundings. It was almost enough to consider running again, just to get away from them... "Admiral?"
"I'd asked you to come see me."
Yes, yes he had. She'd assumed it was to have a more in-depth discussion about the bombshell he'd dropped on her, which had all sounded much too awkward and tragic.
"I know." And she was not going to say 'I'm sorry' there, either. She'd done enough apologizing for now... She'd be doing quite enough of that when Kaidan returned.
"We took a hard hit fighting the Reapers." He stated, watching her. "Lost a lot of good people."
Yes, yes they had. Jenna was uncertain why that had to be brought up now, but she'd give him that.
"But the Reapers were never the only threat out there, Miss Rolfsmeyer. We had plenty of them well before they came. Eventually, we'll have to start dealing with those again."
Interesting, but Jenna was still not following just where he was going with this.
"We've made some decisions about how we're going to handle our personnel issues during this period, with the understanding that we're going to have to bend, or outright break, the rules to get our force under arms back up to an acceptable level. We're restarting our specialty training schools, effective immediately. One of the first I want to get off of the ground is our Accelerated Tactics course."
"You need me to play opfor against your students?"
"No. I need you to be one of the students. I'm asking you to join, Miss Rolfsmeyer. To put on a uniform."
"That's crazy!" Jenna spat, "I'm not..."
"Not what? Good enough? I beg to differ, I think you're the best that we don't have. We're willing to let you in with an abbreviated basic training course, and give you promotional credit for the tactical work you've already done. That would bring you in as an E-4, and take some of the sting out of the fact that you're almost to the age out point."
"But...Kaidan..."
"I'm also willing to offer you a mostly permanent ground-side posting, probably Vancouver. Major Alenko is sorely overdue for a well deserved promotion, and will probably go into ground-side rotation himself...again, probably Vancouver."
"Mostly permanent?"
"To maintain ship crew qualifications, you'd be required to take a two week hop on a ship every year. Not in a combat theater. Give it some thought, Miss Rolfsmeyer. Some serious thought, please. Talk it over with Major Alenko...with Commander Shepard. I need an answer in the next six weeks."
"I'll never be..."
"You'll never be a Spectre. You'll never attend N school. You'll never win the Star of Terra. You'll never make it above Staff Lieutenant. You'll never command. You'll be just like every other soldier I have who will never be great...but they don't let that stop them from making all of the difference that they can. For every Commander Shepard I have, for every Major Alenko, I have ten thousand dedicated soldiers who keep the machine running without ever being great... and now, that's more important than ever." He steepled his fingers, staring at his desktop... "I want you to marry Major Alenko, go through with your plans...but I also want you to help us pull through this. All hands on deck."
"I'll consider it. Oh, if I do...can I be taught to fly a Kodiak?"
He paused, tilting his head. Obviously that was not a response he'd been expecting. "Of course, Miss Rolfsmeyer. Dare I ask...?"
"I keep ending up in the Okanagan Valley with one of your marines in a state that concerns the hell out of me, and they always want to fly the Kodiak they brought. It's nerve wracking, I'd prefer to be able to fly myself and them out the next time it happens."
"Point taken, and that can be arranged. Definitely. In fact, even if you don't join, we'll see you get that."
.`.`.``.`.`.`.
"You look about as low as a trampled volus. Somebody else give you a lecture?" John sat across from her, and she gave him a flat smile. It had sounded like a great idea, meet him for lunch in the headquarters courtyard. Enjoy the weather. She'd been expecting a lecture, and she knew how to handle that. She had no clue how to deal with what she'd gotten.
"Had an appointment with Hackett." She admitted, taking the plate he offered her.
"Oh. Let me guess, he's gravely disappointed in your flagrant display of irresponsibility and immaturity?" He tried to insert gravel into his voice and simply ended up sounding like he had a frog in his throat.
"He didn't bring it up, at all."
"Uh-oh. You had an appointment with him, and he didn't even mention the fact that he had patrols tearing up Kamloops looking for you?"
"Uh...no. Neglected that one."
"So what does he want? And what the hell is this shit?"
"Powderade. The fake drink concentrate of champions. The pink kind isn't bad...but the yellow...blech."
"This is green, I think. And I'm afraid to know. Well, I'm afraid to know what I'm drinking... not about what Hackett wants. Oh, look. A bug. Maybe that will make it taste like something real."
"He wants me to join." It sounded so insanely stupid, but Shepard's expression froze. He put the cup on the table, staring at her...his brows dropping.
"An Admiral asked you to join. As an opt-in?"
She shrugged in confusion. "I...don't know what you mean."
"He offered you terms? Made you promises? More serious than 'trot down to the recruiter and listen to him'? Never mind, I'll check. If it's formal, it's on record..." He brought up his omnitool, leaning back into the shade of the headquarters building to read it more easily. He spent an inordinate amount of time reading whatever he had pulled up, narrow eyed and thoughtful.
"Well?" She asked, "Silly, eh?"
"No." He stated firmly, fading the display. "It's not. You really want what I think of this? Honestly?"
"I think I'm going to get it anyway."
"And you'd be correct, you are. I need you to hear me out, though...the first part is going to be harsh."
"I can take criticism." He gazed at her dubiously, and she stared back. She hadn't been through years of coaches screaming at her for nothing. She'd never developed a triple salchow, but she had grown some pretty thick skin.
"My first response was that this is bullshit. It's fucking insulting. This will make you the world's biggest REMF, someone who wears a uniform and draws their check from the paymaster, but works a nine to five day, every day, except for weekends. You'll go through Candyland training...worse, you'll go through Navy Candyland. You'll pull off the absolute bare minimum to be called a soldier."
Yup. That was exactly what she was expecting out of him. "And your second response is?"
"It's about time. You'll serve, when and where we need you the most. You'll be fast tracked into AcTac, and you'll do something with that gift we all know you have. We took a pounding, we're massively under strength. Not that making Kaidan the happiest man alive, and being mommy to his babies isn't desperately important, but we need more from you than just that. Hackett's giving you everything you'll need to do them both, Jenna. You'll want to discuss this with Kaidan, of course, but you need to do this." He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time, ever, and she stared back.
"What kind of shape are you in? You may be going to Candyland, but by God, you'll be the best there."
Oh, great. Jenna sighed, blowing a tendril of hair out of her face. Here she went again. "I used to be in great shape. Now... no."
"Well, that makes two of us. Let's go."
Normandy settled easily into her berth, another perfect landing, and Kaidan gave Joker a short nod. If he actually praised the landing, he'd never hear the end of it, and he'd like to avoid that. He would be the last one off of the ship as it was, and he didn't want to entice Joker into a bitch fest. It would all be in good fun, but it would take too long to see through to the end...
"Hey, before we all scatter... Jenna suggested we all meet up at my parents' vacation home for a weekend. Cookout, barbecue thing. There will be meat."
"You had me at cookout." Joker said, "And sealed the deal with meat. Just let us know when, you know we'll be there."
"We'll be where?" Vega demanded from behind them. "You two making plans without me?"
"Nope. You're invited. I'll get you all the details when I have them. Is she out there?" Staying on his post was difficult as hell...
"Jefe, they're all out there. Jenna. Shepard. Your mom. His mom. Just a regular party waiting for you."
It seemed like an eternity, but he was finally able to hand Normandy over to Joker and Vega and gather up his bag to hit the plank. As promised, they were all there, waiting for him.
"Jenna!" He breathed, secure again when she launched herself into his arms. "I...I... Don't you ever do that to me again! I mean it."
Her muffled response sounded appropriately apologetic, contrite, and he sighed, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and letting her cling to him. "Shhhhh... Jenna. You're back. That's all that really matters. John..." He looked good, much better than Kaidan was hoping for. He'd been whisked away so quickly that he hadn't even begun to face any of that, yet. John only gave him a lopsided smile, enveloping both Jenna and Kaidan into an embrace.
"Good to see you again, Kaidan. It's been awhile. Where'd this come from?" John traced the first strands of white at Kaidan's temples with a thumb.
"You adore 'forgetting' that you're younger than I am."
"Heh. Not by that much."
"If you grew out that sandpaper head of yours, I'm sure I'd find a couple there. You're just afraid to see them, asshole." It felt so good to just fall back into the usual well-worn banter, comforting, easy. It made him feel safe, loved. "Mom!"
"Kai. Welcome home." She was unusually reserved, her gaze locked on John. She was trying to hide it, but he sensed her reservations. Just one more thing he had to deal with... but he had Jenna in his arms, and he was in John's arms. He couldn't ask for much more.
"Let's go." He breathed, slinging one arm over Jenna's shoulders, and the other over John's.
It was funny, looking up and nothing had changed. The same ceiling of stars arched over Vancouver as had always been there. Somehow, John had acquired beer and after dinner, the three of them sat outside... left alone to work this out, somehow.
"This is killing me." Kaidan finally admitted. "I wish I had an answer." But he didn't, he really and truly didn't. Jenna glanced sharply at John, who shook his slightly in response. "I love both of you." Kaidan finished, miserable and not trying to hide it.
"I've been talking to Jenna about this." John stated firmly, and pulled a flask out of his jogging pants, passing it to Kaidan. "You may need that, buddy."
"Why?" Good Canadian whiskey, heated to a man's body temperature. It was divine, warm, then hot...fading in his belly when he took a swallow.
"I love you, Kaidan." John stated, staring away. "Can't change that, and I don't want to."
Jenna's face was set, resolved, and Kaidan panicked inside. They'd already come to some of agreement, without him, without his input. This was his life, damnit! "John, you have no clue."
"The hell I don't. You love me, you love her. She loves you, you love her. If you cut out either one of us, you break. Neither one of us want that."
Where exactly was he going with this?
"Kaidan. You. Me. And Jenna."
Kaidan choked in shock, gasping for air. That was a guilty dream, one that he'd never, ever dare speak aloud...but John just had. "What the fuck?" He managed, taking another swallow from the flask. "John, that is insane!" And oh, so very tempting. To have them both, to give up nothing... "Jenna?"
"I'm willing to try, if..."
"If?"
"There have to be ground rules. This isn't just something I'm going to agree to, just because I'm desperate to keep you. If I sleep with John, and that's an if, I need to know you're okay with that. I need time, I need to do this on my schedule..." Her voice broke, overwhelmed, and Kaidan flinched. This was a terrible, terrible idea...it would never work, he just had to get her the hell of here. It was desperately unfair to even consider asking it of her. It was beyond selfish of him to even entertain the idea...
"Hey." John soothed, gathering her up and rocking her in his arms. It was one of the oddest scenes that Kaidan had ever seen... his fiancee, in his lover's arms, but it was beautiful. It was perfect.
"Now you can hit him with the funny news." John chuckled, and Kaidan blinked. Had this been a joke? An elaborate prank? No. John was simply changing the subject, adjourning the idea for the moment. Jenna was stressed out, there was nothing faked there.
"I thought you told me it wasn't funny." She mumbled, wiping her face. "Hackett's asked me to join the Navy."
"What?" Somehow that was almost as horrifying as the threesome idea... almost. Well, no...worse. "Jenna, no."
John sighed gustily, shaking his head. Obviously, he had supported the opposite stance... he'd encouraged her to. But then, John had a thing for lean, mean, killing machines. "He's offering her a permanent, ground-side posting, Kaidan, here in Vancouver. Accelerated Tactical school. Candyland. She'll be support all the way. E-4 out of the box."
"Oh. Great. An NCO, John. Can you say fraternization? I knew you could. I've done enough hiding that to keep me for a lifetime." Surely Hackett wouldn't do this to him? It was beyond cruel. Surely Jenna would just let this one go.
"She's been given a pass on that as part of her opt-in. Kaidan, you know what she's capable of."
Well, it looked like that was another thing that the pair of them had worked out without him, but with this one, he could see that John was correct. "So you've looked at the terms?" He sighed. If Hackett was willing to put Jenna in a specialty school, make her support, and leave her safely stationed at Vancouver...he was okay with it. It would just be a job, one Jenna was well suited to. It would be doing something to help rebuild, they needed everybody doing their part.
"Yeah. He's leaning over backwards here."
"What if he gets her for fraternizing...with you?" Ah, it was always worth it when he could cut a corner on John. "She's been given a pass to marry me."
"There are some legalities I needed to look into before I make any commitments, Kaidan."
Legalities? Commitments? "You're serious."
"I am. I don't want to be the plus one to your marriage, the boyfriend that you two keep on the side. I don't want to sneak, to hide... I've never been any good at that. I want to be able to throw it down on the floor and say...'My wife, Jenna. My husband, Kaidan.' I don't want to have to figure out how to claim a child as my own, if I have one. My family, Kaidan. I just have to work out the details, and wait for Jenna."
"No pressure." She stated, and he shrugged.
"Just putting it all out there on the table." He said, releasing his hold on her. "No questions. No doubts. That's what I want, I want to be a full partner in this."
"Figure out the legalities." Kaidan said, still astounded by the very idea. "And we'll go from there." He stretched out on the blanket, closing his eyes. When had things gotten crazy? When hadn't they been? Jenna laid down beside him, her head on his arm, hand on his chest. After a moment, John collapsed on his other side, sprawled out and relaxed. He snorted in laughter, and John glanced over at him.
"Life is good." He mused, "Life is good."