Chapter 21
Once again, the kiss felt familiar and Kadienne had a sense of déjà vu, unable to pull away from Oliver or break the kiss. Flashbacks of her kissing The Arrow filled her mind the longer they stood there in the cold, their mouths never leaving each other. Kadienne trembled, gripping the black leather jacket Oliver had on to pull him closer and felt his other hand bury in her hair. How could kissing Oliver Queen feel the same as kissing The Arrow? Kadienne was extremely confused and finally broke the kiss after several long minutes, her eyes slowly fluttering open to meet dark smoldering blue.
"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to do that, but I had to get you to calm down somehow." Oliver murmured, holding the side of her face and enjoyed seeing how swollen her lips were. "No. No, I DID mean to do it. And I'm gonna do it again once we're inside warmed up. No arguments."
Kadienne didn't have the strength, heart or desire to pull away from him, letting Oliver guide her inside the small boathouse on the water. Inside, there was a roaring fireplace crackling with life, candles lit in the windows, tables and counters along with a full dinner set up. Oliver stood behind Kadienne, pushing her inside a little further and smiled at her shocked state, slowly peeling her long black coat off to hang it up alongside his leather jacket.
"What is all of this?" Kadienne asked in a stunned voice, looking around and embraced the warmth the fireplace gave off.
"Figured you'd be hungry and we could have a private meal before talking." Oliver replied, his hand splaying on the small of her back and gently nudged her toward the table to pull her chair out for her. "It's just us, nobody else."
He was a billionaire, of course he could pull this off. "Why go through all this trouble?" Kadienne finally looked up at him, reaching up to caress the stubble on his face and had another memory flash through her mind with The Arrow.
"Because I wanted to. Now sit down please." Oliver softly commanded, waiting for her to take a seat before sitting down across from her, scooting the chair in a little. "You look a million miles away. This isn't too much, is it?"
"That's a loaded question." Kadienne retorted, feeling terrible for snapping at him the way she had and waited for Oliver to pour both of them some wine before taking a long swig of it. "This is too much for you to do considering we're not together…"
Oliver didn't let that deter him from his mission in bringing her here. "I'm hoping we can change that by the time the night is over." He winked, taking a drink of his own wine and pulled both of the covers off of the plates. Steak and lobster with roasted red potatoes. "First, we eat and then we can talk."
They ate in companionable silence with Kadienne sneaking glances at Oliver every couple minutes, trying not to think about The Arrow while with him. It wasn't right. Kadienne had to remind herself she wasn't with Oliver in a relationship, so she could think about whoever she wanted. However, judging by what he said in regards to changing how they viewed each other by the end of the night, Kadienne had a suspicion of what Oliver wanted to talk about. She finished her steak and lobster, only eating half of it and stood from the table to walk over to stare out the window at the water by the fireplace. A few minutes later, she felt warm hands on her shoulders and closed her eyes, leaning back against Oliver's strong chest.
"You're upset." He surmised, speaking in her ear and slid his hands up and down her arms to try relaxing her. "What is it?"
"I – I don't know. I think I'm losing my mind or something." Kadienne touched the small cut on her forehead as remembrance of the last time she saw The Arrow.
Oliver caught that motion and turned her around to face him, seeing all the trouble coursing through her emerald orbs. "Talk to me." He pushed her back to sit on the couch and joined her, giving the redheaded beauty his undivided attention. Nothing else mattered tonight except her.
"I can't tell you this, Oliver." How the hell was she supposed to explain that every time she kissed him, she thought it was The Arrow? Or the fact the kisses and touches he gave her felt just like The Arrow? "Definitely losing it…"
"Kadienne." Oliver fingered her chin, refusing to let her look away from him and tenderly brushed his lips against hers, emanating a soft moan from her as a reward. "Tell me."
He wouldn't let it go until she came clean about what was on her mind, so Kadienne had two choices. Lie or tell the truth. "Every time you kiss me, I – I feel like – I mean – damn it!" Kadienne cursed, pulling away from Oliver and couldn't meet his eyes with the next set of words that came out of her mouth. "I keep getting flashbacks of kissing The Arrow whenever I kiss you and I don't know why. You're two different people, but even your touch is familiar and it's making me feel like I'm going crazy. Why is this happening? Why do I feel like it's him I'm kissing and not you?"
Now that was something Oliver hadn't expected to hear and he didn't know how to respond. Did he tell her his secret or keep her in the dark and push her further away? Oliver didn't know what to do, remembering what Diggle told him about telling Kadienne how he felt as himself and not The Arrow.
"It's okay…" He cleared his throat gruffly, rubbing the back of his neck to give her a moment of reprieve from his kindness. "Kadienne, I brought you here to tell you that I'm done running. I'm done with it. I ran from Felicity every chance I got because the feelings scared me. I didn't think I could be with her doing what I do and being who I am. She was with me every step of the way, devoted and it got her killed. Her devotion to me is what lead to her murder. And then you come into my life like a raging wind and I…I got scared again. Because I'm afraid you're going to end up just like her being associated with me."
"Felicity's death isn't your fault, Oliver. And what do you mean you couldn't be yourself with her because of what you do and who you are? You run a nightclub, that's not very dangerous…" Now Kadienne was really confused and eyeballed the man in front of her, noting how hesitant he became. "Oliver, you can't be afraid of losing the one you're with just because of something catastrophic that happened in your life. I think you're not over Felicity yet and you may never be. You can never give your heart to a woman completely and that's not fair to anyone you try to be with. Until you can fully let her go and move on with your life, you'll never be truly happy. You're in love with a dead woman…"
Oliver shook his head, intense blues locking on baffled emerald. "Not anymore." He reached over to take Kadienne's hand and laced their fingers together. "That's why I brought you here. To tell you I'm not running away from this like I did with her. I'm not mourning her anymore. I will love her for the rest of my life, but she no longer has my heart. Someone else does. And I hope I have hers too and I'm not too late."
Tears filled her eyes as Kadienne listened to every word Oliver said and knew he was talking about her. She had his heart? Since when? Where the hell was she when it happened? Because he left her high and dry in the hotel right after they made love and before that, ignored her for a week much like he had until he showed up at Verdant tonight.
"Why are you doing this to me?" She whispered, pulling away from him and stood up from the couch, finally letting the tears slide down her cheeks. "I – I told you how I felt about The Arrow and now you decide to bombard me with this! You're being cruel and playing games with me, screwing with my mind! I can't take this. I have to go…" Kadienne began storming toward the front door and Oliver jumped up to wrap his arms tightly around her waist, preventing her from leaving. "Please don't do this…"
"There's a reason you feel a deep connection to him, Kadienne. Because it's the same connection you feel with me." Oliver spoke in her ear, keeping his voice a soft low rumble and felt her sag against him, hating to see her cry. It killed him in all actuality. "Don't leave. Let me make it up to you. Let me show you how serious I am and that this isn't a game I'm playing."
Kadienne torqued her head around enough to look up at Oliver and felt his mouth on hers, immediately turning in his arms to wrap hers around his neck. "Tell me why the connection is so familiar. Tell me I'm not losing my mind. Tell me why I feel the same connection with you as him." She begged, the stubble on his face scratching her soft skin.
Another memory flashed through her mind, especially when Oliver backed them up until he sat down on the couch with her straddling him. What he wanted more than anything was for this woman to want him and not The Arrow. It meant a great deal to Oliver that she wanted the man and not the Vigilante behind the man. He recalled being in this same position with her as The Arrow, her soft hands cupping his face and sliding through his hair. It'd been pitch dark or else she would've recognized him through the green grease paint he used to try concealing his identity with the hood. Her pleas didn't fall on deaf ears, but Oliver didn't know what her reaction would be finding out he and The Arrow were one in the same. Did he trust her? Absolutely. So why was he holding back and keeping the truth from her if he completely trusted her?
His mouth left hers to travel across her cheek and down her jaw, finding the spot just below her ear that made her melt against him. "I need to know how you feel about me. Am I wasting my time here?" He breathed in her ear, massaging her sides with his strong hands.
Kadienne didn't answer him at first, keeping her eyes closed as the memory of their time at the hotel together filtered through her mind. And then her brain did something weird – it melded together a picture of Oliver and The Arrow together. More memories came and went, all of them involving Oliver with his excuses to disappear on a whim and The Arrow telling her he couldn't be with her or anyone. He had to be alone. It was cosmic the way it happened, how it all made perfect sense once Kadienne started thinking of Oliver Queen and The Arrow as one person…not separated.
"S-S-Stop! Stop!" She choked out, trembling from head to toe and jumped up from his lap, stumbling away from him. "I-It's you. Y-You're him…" Kadienne could see the guilt flash through his eyes, both of them breathing heavily and took another step back when Oliver rose from the couch. "It all makes sense now. T-The disappearing, the mysterious way you say things and why I keep feeling déjà vu every time I kiss you. The deep connection…and why you said what you do is dangerous. Who you are is dangerous. Because it's been you all along. You're The Arrow…"
"Yes." Oliver didn't bother trying to hide the truth from her anymore, his eyes watering. "You don't have to be afraid, Kadienne. I would never hurt you." He took another tentative step towards her, aching to have her back in his arms.
He was an unsung hero to the people of Starling City, including her. All Kadienne wanted to do was find a way to see The Arrow again and here he was in front of her this entire time. He'd saved her more than once and checking on her also made sense. How could she not see it sooner? Felicity's death revolved around him being The Arrow because she more than likely worked with him to help the city. A partner like John Diggle.
"I'm not afraid." Kadienne assured him, staying where she was and had to inhale and exhale slowly so she didn't faint the closer he came.
She looked at him differently now than before and Oliver didn't know how to feel about it. "Then why did you jump off of me and create distance between us?" He towered over her and felt her hands press against his rock hard chest, his top still on. "Why are you trembling?"
"Because of the way you make me feel. It's overwhelming at times…" Kadienne admitted, looking up at him as the firelight reflected in his eyes and reached up to touch the side of his face. "You told me that night you couldn't be with me; you couldn't be with anyone. So what changed your mind?"
Oliver looked up at the ceiling, pulling her against him to wrap an arm securely around her waist, needing her as close to him as possible. "The truth?" Kadienne nodded in response. "I had a dream that opened my eyes and made me realize the mistake I was making in letting you slip through my fingers. I made the mistake of not telling Felicity how I felt because of what I do. I thought I was protecting her…and I couldn't. Keeping her at arm's length is what got her killed and I refuse to let that happen to you. I won't make the same mistake again. So I brought you here to tell you how I feel…"
"And to see how I felt in return because of what I said about The Arrow." Kadienne added, not meaning to interrupt him and saw the man in front of her in a whole new light. "You asked me if I loved him…and I said yes. But I also love you, Oliver. I fell for you, we slept together and you broke my heart by leaving me alone afterwards. And I didn't understand why at first, but now everything is so much clearer. So I'm repeating what I've told both sides of yourself several times – you can't control everything in life. I felt guilty for what loving two men, but this whole time it was just one man – you. Every part of you, all of you."
Those were the words Oliver needed to hear her say and if he would've known all he had to do was reveal his secret to her, he would've done it weeks ago. He had her heart just as she had his. Oliver wouldn't push her away like he did Felicity because keeping her close was the only way to insure her safety. Also, he didn't want to die alone and didn't plan to always be The Arrow, just long enough to save his city.
"I didn't mean to cut you off. Tell me what you were going to say, please."
He chuckled while feeling lighter than he had in years and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "You stole my thunder, but I'll still tell you." Oliver backed them up to sit on the couch again with her on his lap and brought her mouth down to his to softly kiss her. "I love you, Kadienne…"
Then the kissing resumed followed by a night filled with unbridled passion and ecstasy.
Kadienne bolted upright in bed, letting out a choked gasp with sweat caking every part of her body and looked around frantically. It took her a minute to remember where she was, touching the cut on her forehead and frowned. Oliver had come to Verdant and asked her to leave with him so they could talk, but she flat out declined. Instead of fighting her decision like he had in the dream, Oliver simply walked away and left her alone.
Only to make her have a very vivid and real dream about what could've happened had she gone with him.
There was no way Oliver Queen was The Arrow…was there?
Standing from the bed, Kadienne looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was a little after 5 AM. She'd gotten off of work at 3, came back to the mansion to shower and fell asleep at 4. One hour is all she slept – one hour to have that dream. Kadienne had to talk to Oliver, not caring what time it was and walked out of the bedroom, already knowing Moira didn't visit this part of the mansion. She knew where Oliver's room was and stood outside of it moments later, contemplating knocking on the door. Before she lost her nerve and went back to her room, Kadienne tapped on it with her knuckles only for the door to slowly creak open. A second later, she was yanked into the dark room and slammed back against the door with a knife at her throat, a highly alert Oliver towering over her with blazing blues.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea coming to his room in the middle of the night to have a talk.