…..
Take Me As I Am
Season 3
Chapter 21: Up, Up, Up!
…...
Around a month after the accident, Quinn's physical therapy was progressing rapidly, as were the healing scars on her ribcage and hand; and her doctor approved the physical therapist's recommendation to move her daily therapy sessions from the treadmill to the pool. From the very first day, Quinn loved being in the water; it was so much easier to move, so much lighter and freer. Plus, without the harness pressing on her ribcage, the level of pain she experienced in her exercises went down astronomically. Floating on her back in the cool water, with the guidance of her physical therapist's sturdy hands, she could not only kick her feet and begin to rotate her ankles and knees, but also work on her core strengthening, which was the key to getting her strong enough to go back to school.
The blonde girl worked tirelessly, every day, with the same steely determination that had made her captain of the Cheerios again after giving birth to Beth almost two years ago. Soon she was swimming laps on her back without any assistance at all, pulling herself backwards through the water with her arms while Josh, her physical therapist, cheered her on by imitating an Olympic commentator with a thick Russian accent. Rachel made a few appreciative comments about her girlfriend's toned muscles in the weeks that followed, and even Quinn had to admit it was getting easier to deal with everyday wheelchair hassles as her upper body strength improved. It wasn't as if her arm muscles looked that different; she'd always been strong, after years of gymnastics and grueling workouts with the Cheerios. But Quinn could feel the change—in her abs, biceps, triceps, and even her shoulders, and it gave her a little thrill to see the wanton look of lust in Rachel's eyes when the little starlet cooed, "Show me your guns, baby!"
At eight weeks, she was given a special protective brace for her left hand (it really just looked like a fingerless glove), and switched from the bulky, 300-pound electric wheelchair to a regular manual one, so she could push herself; and after a week of "wheelchair boot camp," with her physical therapist's encouragement, she was finally allowed to go back to school. Rachel was beside herself with excitement, and the night before Quinn's first day back, the blended Berry-Fabray family (Rachel and her dads, plus Quinn, her mom, and Tom, who would probably become her stepdad soon enough) all went out to Breadsticks for a celebratory dinner.
Though she'd been bored and lonely and desperate to get back to her life throughout her two month homeschooling hiatus, when the day finally arrived Quinn was a lot more nervous than she wanted to admit. Going out to dinner at Breadsticks had reminded her how shocked most people still were at seeing her in a wheelchair; her close friends and family had had two months to get used to it, but for the rest of the school, tomorrow would be their first glimpse of their wheelchair-bound former prom queen. The idea of facing all the shocked looks, the pity, and the inevitable whispered gossip behind her back (or, in this case, behind her wheelchair) was extremely unappealing.
She knew her girlfriend and the rest of their glee posse would have her back, of course; but that wouldn't stop the rest of the school from swarming her like vultures, and the idea of leaning on her friends for even more comfort and protection was equally unappealing. Quinn had always felt extremely uncomfortable depending on other people for anything (with the notable exception of Rachel, who barely even counted as "other people" anymore anyway); and she hated the idea of dragging her friends down or keeping them from enjoying their last semester of high school to the fullest.
"Quinnie, are you almost ready? I made waffles!" Mrs. Fabray's cheerful knocking on her bedroom door stirred the anxious blonde girl out of her reverie, and with a sigh she put a few final touches on her light makeup, and wheeled herself down the hall to the kitchen.
"I'm never gonna make it out of this chair if you keep fattening me up like this, Mom," she joked weakly as she pulled her wheelchair up to the kitchen table and set the break, as Judy put a plate of multigrain waffles, scrambled eggs and sliced fruit in front of her.
"Nonsense, there's not an ounce of fat anywhere on you, sweetheart. I've seen how hard you're working in physical therapy, and I'm not about to let you work yourself down to skin and bones. Now eat up, Rachel will be here in a few minutes." Quinn sighed and chewed slowly on a strawberry, poking her food around her plate.
"I don't feel so good, Mom; I'm kind of nauseous. Maybe it's too soon to go back to school. Will you call Figgins and tell him I need one more week?" Judy crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Okay, not a week, just one more day. Please Mom." Quinn bit her lip and looked up hopefully.
"I know you're nervous, Quinnie. That's perfectly natural. But putting things off is only going to make that feeling worse."
"Mom," Quinn whined petulantly, but Mrs. Fabray just tutted and raised her eyebrow even higher; and Quinn fell silent.
"I know I haven't always been much of a role model for you, sweetheart; but you've never needed me to show you how to be a strong, independent young woman. You got there all by yourself. You've worked so hard to get back to your life, honey, and it's right there waiting for you. You're so brave, my sweet girl...you're going to be all right. Just be brave and strong a little longer, and you'll see how much better things will be. All right, sweetheart?"
"Okay," Quinn sniffed, smiling at her mother's adoring expression even as her eyes filled up with tears. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too, Quinnie," Judy smiled and kissed her daughter's forehead. "Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold."
Quinn did her best to eat, though the nervous, queasy feeling in her stomach wouldn't go away completely. She was glad she'd have her girlfriend at her side when she made her grand re-entrance to the halls of McKinley; the plan was for Rachel to drive to the Fabrays', leave her car in their driveway, and drive Quinn and herself to school in Mrs. Fabray's new wheelchair-accessible minivan. Today was just a trial run; but if it went smoothly, this would be their new everyday routine, allowing Mrs. Fabray to go back to work part-time while Quinn was at school.
"Good morning!" Rachel called as she bounced excitedly into the Fabrays' bright kitchen, beaming like she'd just swallowed a ball of sunshine. "Are we ready to face the Paparazzi of McKinley high?" Seeing how happy her girlfriend was at her return to school made Quinn smile, despite her residual nervousness, and she automatically tilted her head up to meet Rachel's warm lips in an enthusiastic good-morning kiss.
"We're ready," she agreed. "Let's go get 'em, Rach."
…...
As soon as Quinn rolled through the front doors of McKinley, she felt the horrified and curious stares of dozens of eyes on her, though she did her best to ignore it all, and pretend she didn't even notice. They didn't see any of the glee kids in the halls, which made Quinn a little sad and anxious; but half the football team streamed past her on the way to her locker, and in typical meathead fashion, they didn't tiptoe around her in quiet horror the way the rest of the school did, but cheered and hooted and high-fived her as they passed, proclaiming that it would take a lot more than a Mac truck to keep their head cheerleader down. It was a little silly and childish, but Quinn couldn't help smiling at the jocks' enthusiastic support. Rachel seemed to appreciate the football jocks' wholehearted welcome-back to her girlfriend, too, if the overexcited grin on her face was any indication; but when they got to glee rehearsal a minute later, Quinn realized her little starlet's smile had nothing to do with the football team, after all.
"Surprise!" Brittany squealed happily when Quinn wheeled into the choir room, to be greeted by the cheers and hoots of the entire glee club, who threw streamers and confetti at her as she crossed the threshold into the room, with Rachel giggling delightedly right behind her.
"Oh, you guys, you didn't have to do all this," the blonde girl smiled shyly, looking around at the huge WELCOME BACK QUINN banner hanging at the front of the room, along with the only-slightly-less-enormous cake covered with lavish swirls of rainbow icing, flanked by the beaming smiles of all her best friends.
"Girl, please. The sun is shining, Nationals are coming, and we finally got you back in action," Mercedes shook her head, crossing the room to where Quinn was inspecting the giant welcome-back cake, and squeezing her shoulder with a beaming smile. "I think this is the first day since your accident that none of us has cried. You gotta let us get our celebration on, before college acceptance letters start coming and we have something new to be depressed about."
"We're just so happy to have you back, Quinn," Mr. Schue said with a smile, as Rachel stuck her finger into a gob of bright pink icing at the corner of the cake, and offered it to her girlfriend with an impish smile. Quinn blushed, but couldn't resist licking the sugary icing off her girlfriend's outstretched finger. It was butterscotch—her favorite.
"And what did you have to do with all this, little miss I-promise-not-to-make-a-fuss?"
"Hey, this is nothing compared to what I originally wanted to do," Rachel smirked, gently climbing into her girlfriend's lap, looping an arm around the back of her neck and kissing her lightly on the mouth. "But the disco roller rink is closed for renovations, and we do still have Nationals to prepare for, so I toned it down quite a bit, thank you very much. You'll have to accept the undying love and devotion of the glee club in the form of cake and streamers for today." The entire group nodded enthusiastically, all of them beaming. Even Puck looked a little misty, though he tried to hide it.
"Thanks, you guys, I love you all so much," Quinn shook her head, blushing slightly from all the attention. "It's been really hard work getting here, and it's gonna be a lot more hard work before I'm back on my feet…but I promise, I won't give up. Just like none of you have ever given up on me." Everyone cheered and flocked around their newly returned friend, all jockeying to hug her at once, until Mr. Schue started handing out cake to calm them down and get them into their seats.
"All right, settle down you guys. I know today's a special occasion, but we still have work to do," Mr. Schue said in his normal down-to-business voice as he wrote the words PEP RALLY on the white board. "The spring pep rally is next week, and Principal Figgins has asked us to do a number. I know it's short notice, but it'll be a great chance for us to tune up for Nationals. Does anyone have any new song suggestions, anything you've been working on outside of class?"
"Actually…I have something," Quinn said tentatively, raising her hand. Mr. Schue nodded eagerly, gesturing for her to take the floor. Smiling shyly, Quinn wheeled forward and turned to face the room. "I've been listening to a ton of music during my physical therapy…it helps keep me focused, and my trainer Josh says it's good for muscle memory. He has all these special playlists for me, and there's this one song I really like…Josh says it's actually kind of a disability-positive anthem, from this group called The Givers. The song is called Up, Up, Up—anybody heard of it?"
"Oh hell yeah!" Artie nodded enthusiastically. "I've been wanting to do that one forever."
"I've heard it too," Tina agreed. "It would be perfect for the pep rally, it's really fresh and upbeat."
"Quinn, Artie, do you want to give us a run-through?" Mr. Schue asked, gesturing for them both to join him at the front of the class. Artie grinned and rolled forward to join Quinn, sharing a high five as they both began to sing.
Oh we up up up for the glow show
yeah we're down down here on the ground
Yeah we up up up up above love
Yeah we up up up in the clouds
Yeah we up, yeah we up, yeah we up…!
The rest of the day passed in a blur, as Quinn tried to keep up with her friends and her schoolwork without asking for special help or consideration; but just getting from class to class was exhausting. By the time 3 o'clock rolled around, the blonde girl felt like she'd just made it to the base camp of Mt. Totally-gonna-kick-your-ass, with another day's exhausting journey just around the corner; and then another, and another. It was a little dispiriting, thinking about how much work was still ahead of her, so Quinn tried not to think about it as the bell rang, and she wheeled herself along beside her girlfriend as they made their way through the throng of students out to the parking lot, back to their new handi-capable ride. At least now they never had to worry about getting a good parking spot again, the blonde girl thought wryly to herself as Rachel helped her strap her wheelchair in.
"So blondie, where d'you wanna go today in your new ride?" the little starlet asked coyly, as she slipped into the driver's seat and raised her eyebrow playfully at her girlfriend in the rearview mirror.
"Oh, gee, I dunno. The great barrier reef?" Quinn chuckled, shaking her head as she glanced out the window at the students streaming past, relieved to be out of the spotlight now that her first day back at school was officially over.
"I was thinking of something a little more attainable…like, joyride to Grand Lake?"
"Oh, you're serious?" Quinn raised an eyebrow in mild surprise at her girlfriend's impulsive suggestion. "Rach, we can't. I have physical therapy and you have ballet. Plus I'm still behind on my schoolwork…now might not be a great time to suddenly develop an irresponsible streak."
"I disagree—in fact, I think it's the best time," Rachel smirked, twisting around in her seat to flash her thousand-watt Rachel Berry smile at her tired, but smiling girlfriend. "You just got through your first day back at school after two months of nonstop hard work and physical endurance. We are alone in the car for the first time since before the accident, and I for one am not quite ready to give that up yet. We can skip one afternoon of obligations, it won't kill us. We're second semester seniors—it's expected. C'mon angelcake, don't you want to feel the sunshine and the wind in your hair? I promise to have you home in time for dinner…" Rachel's eyes were so wide and eager, and glinting with such genuine happiness and excitement, Quinn couldn't find it in her heart to argue.
"All right, madam driver—to the lake!"
"Yay! Off we go," Rachel giggled, plugging her iPod into the car's sound system, and singing loudly along to The Givers as they headed for the rural state highway. Quinn had to admit, as she rolled down the window and took in a deep breath of spring air, that Rachel was right; she did need this. The feeling of being alone with her girlfriend—not alone in a room, but actually alone together, out of the house, surrounded by trees and fresh air, and grooving to some good music as the world rushed past their windows, felt like bliss. When they arrived at the lake, Rachel followed one of the many marked paths to a more secluded area, far from the public beach side of the grounds, to a spot where a clear, flat dirt path lead from the parking area directly through the woods, and down to the sand. Quinn raised a suspicious eyebrow when she saw Rachel take a large, folded picnic blanket and a wicker basket out of the back of the minivan.
"This wasn't one hundred percent impulsive, was it, my sneaky little basket-packer?"
"Not one hundred percent, no," Rachel admitted, grinning sheepishly as she walked along beside her girlfriend's wheelchair. "I'd say about eighty percent impulse, twenty percent sand-avoidance-aforethought."
"Plus snacks," Quinn nodded to the wicker basket with a teasing smirk.
"Well, naturally. What good is a romantic lakeside sunset without bubbly cider and a nice assortment of finger foods?"
"Just another day of the earth rotating away from the sun," Quinn shrugged, beaming shyly as Rachel piled the blanket and the basket carefully into her lap, and grasped the handlebars at the back of her wheelchair to push her down the slightly uneven terrain that lead to the sandy beach. It was totally secluded; there weren't many people out enjoying the lake this early in the season anyway, and those who were tended to stay closer to the park-maintained area around the near side of the lake, with barbecue pits and benches and public bathrooms. Out here, on the other hand, it was just Quinn, Rachel, and the lake.
"It feels so amazing to be alone out here," Quinn sighed, taking in a deep breath of fresh air and letting her head fall lazily against the back of her chair.
"I know, it really does," Rachel agreed happily, taking the blanket from Quinn's lap and shaking it out into a large, neat square on the sand. "Ready to stretch out?"
"Oh…I don't know about that, Rachel. I'm bigger than you, and there's no one else around to help us if you drop me on my ass."
"Quinn Cordelia Fabray, I am not going to drop you," Rachel said commandingly, putting her hands on her slim hips. "You're not the only one who's been working out, you know. I've been lifting free weights with Britt and Santana every day after school for the past two months."
"You have?" Quinn raised an eyebrow in skeptical disbelief.
"Well, I had a lot of emotions to work through after your accident, and Santana suggested it as a positive outlet," Rachel shrugged, trying to play it off as no big deal, though Quinn could see her proud smile peeking through. "Plus it made sense for me to channel my energy into something that could be helpful to you as well. I may not be quite as ripped as you, my little Olympic contender, but I can certainly help you in and out of your chair." They smiled at each other, and Quinn took a deep breath, letting it out with a soft sigh of determination.
"Promise you won't drop me."
"I promise," Rachel nodded, her voice quiet and serious as she stroked her girlfriend's ivory cheek with her thumb.
"Okay." Quinn smiled, bit her lip nervously, and held out her arms.
They spent the rest of the evening lounging on the blanket, watching the sun set over the lake and feeding each other chocolate and strawberries, with Quinn leaning back lazily between Rachel's legs, her head resting against her girlfriend's chest. And when Rachel started to get tired, they gently stretched out on their sides on the soft blanket, kissing and cuddling until the moon was rising over the fading twilight. By the time they finally left, they both had the same perfect idea for senior ditch day—a day at the lake, with sun, sand, boating and swimming (and, if Rachel could find the right rental place, waterskiing—she just knew that some special adaptive equipment for the disabled must be available somewhere). They both made the same suggestion the next day at the unofficial senior ditch day meeting, where it was unanimously agreed (Quinn suspected they'd have agreed to anything she suggested right now; but she wasn't about to abuse that power, not with her final high school memories on the line).
Without letting Quinn know anything about it, Rachel managed to get her physical therapist's contact info from Mrs. Fabray, and she had a long discussion with the affable young man about waterskiing, and whether it was advisable for Quinn's current therapeutic trajectory. He agreed completely that it was a great idea, especially as Quinn had already responded so well to working in the water; and he suggested a local rental place by the lake that stocked adaptive equipment, including a water "sit-ski" for paraplegics, built with stabilizing wings so it was virtually impossible to tip over. Rachel excitedly made the arrangements, barely able to contain her glee so as not to spoil the surprise for her girlfriend. She just knew this was going to be the best senior ditch day ever.