He's a Blue! That's what's wrong!

NOTE: goddamn I hate this chapter with a passion. also the next one. all the ones with the mindclones I hate.

Disclaimer: Rooster Teeth owns Red vs Blue, guys. You'd have to be Caboose to think we do.

~•~

"What's wrong with him?" Jessie asked.

"He's reciting cursewords. Guys, did you let him near the poker table while Eppy was playing?"

"No, we kicked Epsilon out into the same room as Caboose," O'Malley said.

"That's just as bad. You guys did bad. Especially you, O'Malley. You always do bad."

"Fuck, fucking, fucker.." Caboose continued.

"Caboose! Stop!"

"Damn, damnit... Cookies.."

"...What?"

"Cookie, chocolate, cake, cheesecake,"

"Whaaaaaat."

"Church, orange juice, not Tucker, Freckles,"

"Why isn't he stopping?"

"Memory is the key."

"Caboose please. Stop."

"Memory is the key."

"Caboose.. Wait, is Dee now in Caboose? What? Help, I'm confusing myself!"

"Memory is the key."

"Is Eppy a key now?"

"Memory is the key."

"That bitch sucks ass. She can go fuck off."

"Who?" Jessie asked.

"Memory is the key."

"There was this bitch named Memory in my head along with these really annoying fuckers that I think were cats and Memory was one of them and she was a huge bitch."

"I'm still here," Silver said.

"Yes, and you're annoying. Get the fuck out."

"I can't. Also.. There's someone else who just came in.."

"Memory is the key."

"Who? And all of you get out! Caboose, shut up. Where the fuck is Wash?"

"Ooh! This is a really spacey place! Looks tasty!" Annie purred.

"I'll have you – oh my god what the hell can Church or someone get in here and kill them?"

"Memory is the key."

"SHUT UP CABOOSE! Seriously, how the fuck do I get them out of my head?"

"I'm on it," Church said, jumping in.

"If he unlocks the door I'm going to kill someone."

.:-:.

"Okay, inside Texas' head.." Church muttered, looking around.

"Hello, Church! Alpha? Uh. Person. Whatever, hello." Texas appeared out of nowhere. "Real Texas would like to say that if you open any locked doors, she's gonna kill you."

"Oh, Texas. Well, I know what I'm doing in here," Church said.

"Kill the weird cats, and Silver, who is horribly annoying when inside heads."

"Okay.." Church looked around, spotting Tucker.

"Kick-ass sword! Woo!" he yelled before getting knifed by Felix. "Ow, dickface."

"EHEHHEHEHEHH!" Felix shouted as he ran away.

"Better than Caboose, at least," Church sighed.

"Did someone call me?" asked Caboose who was suddenly in front of Church. "OH! Church!"

"Oh, fuck.." He looked at Caboose.

"Church Church Church Church Church Church Church Church CHUUUUURCH!" Caboose sang.

"Shut. The fuck. Up."

"But we're best friends!" he whined.

"No. We're not."

"Meanie.." Caboose wandered away to go talk to Freckles, who was simultaneously a battle rifle, a giant assault mech, and a flashdrive.

"Yeah, you do that," Church walked another direction. He ended up in a room full of labeled doors. One was chained up and padlocked, with a large red sign that said "DO NOT OPEN".

"Hey, you! Church!" yelled a small cat.

"What the fuck?"

"Man, is this like that Caboose thing?"

"What?"

"The Caboose thing! With O'Malley!"

"Uh.. Kinda. Hey, what's in that door?" He pointed to the chained up one.

"Bad things. Other people."

"I won't open it. Just what's in it?"

"Other mes. Specifically, really bad mes." The cat turned into a girl with pink glasses when he blinked.

"Who are you, exactly?"

"Blossom! Or, as she calls herself, Texas. Stupid her and her weirdo Red vs Blue fanfiction.."

"Uh.. I'm just gonna pretend I never saw you." Church turned around, looking at the other doors and their labels. One was splattered with paint and labeled "ART".

"Well, there's at least 5 of us running around. Plus, Sigmalley."

"Well, I'm looking for a cat that may or may not have MPD."

"Annie, that lil bitch? I'm pretty sure I locked her in the cat room."

"Where?" Church asked, looking at all the doors.

"The cat room. It's down the hall past the control room."

"Okay," Church followed her directions.

"Also, the other way.."

"I knew that," Church grumbled, going the other way. He came across the room, and opened the door. It was full of cats for some reason. It looked to have been made in a fit of madness.

"Uh.. Annie?" Church called.

"Oh, Church!" Annie called, running up to him. She let out a breath. "Hi."

"So, you're Annie?"

"Yes! Uh.. No.. Kinda?" Annie laughed.

"What does that mean?" Church asked.

"She's one of them weirdo personalities!" another Texas said, popping up out of the cats. She was wearing a cat themed outfit.

It took about ten seconds for Annie to respond, and she was completely frozen the entire time. "Sorry, that was Joy. Hopefully she'll stay back for a bit. I don't mean to burst your bubble, but is there a reason for this?"

"Cause you're an annoying bitch!" Blossom screamed at her.

"Are you okay?" Church asked, "Actually, you aren't. So, basically I'm gonna kill you."

"Okay, that there really isn't right. You'd hate it if I were to put up a fight," Annie told him.

"Stupid crazy cats." Catexas threw her hat at Annie.

"Hey, you! Don't throw that at me! Maybe you should calm down, have a cup of tea."

"Maybe you should get the fuck out."

"Maybe you should just stop talking. Now leave before I make you, get walking!"

"This is my head! No!"

"This is now my head, too! Too bad for you, boo-hoo!" Annie continued, for some reason she kept rhyming.

"Get out!"

"Why do you keep rhyming?" Church asked.

"She's a crazy-ass bitch, get her ouuuut."

"I believe it is about time, that I say my name is Rhyme."

"Fuck this. I'm going to go find Sigmalley." Catexas stormed out of the room.

"Okay, that's it: I'm killing you!" Church grabbed a sharp stick and tried to poke her. Suddenly, Annie froze again.. For about ten seconds.

"WAIT! Don't kill me!" She begged. "You don't know what you'll do!" She sighed, "Memory is the key."

Blossom appeared, said "Shut up Caboose." and disappeared all in the same second.

"I'm not Caboose," Annie explained to Blossom, "But he is right about this, you can't let me out."

"I thought we finished the whole 'Memory is the key thing'!" Church shouted.

The door slammed open, a strange merge between O'Malley and Sigma in the doorway. "Time to get the fuck out, bitch."

"What. The. Fuck."

"I told you I was getting Sigmalley!" shouted Catexas.

"WHY!?"

"She has to get out.. Cece made him. For reasons unknown to everyone. I've decided he's a sort-of bouncer."

"Uh-oh..." Annie whispered, dashing through the open doorway. Sigmalley thundered after her.

"She should've equipped him with a gun," she said absentmindedly, scooping up a gray tabby. "I'm going to go find Wash."

"Wait.. I'm not sure it's a good idea to kick her out," Church said.

"Memory is totally bullshit. If she's preventing us from remembering shit, she needs to go."

Speaking of her... Heheheheh.

"GODDAMNIT! Wait, is that you, Narrator? What the hell is going on? Why are they here?"

How did you know?

"The italic text, numbnuts."

That makes sense. Anyways, prepare for.. Like.. A lot of memories and pain in the inner workings of this mind.

"Are they our memories?"

Uh.. Sure. Let's just say that, make you feel safer.

"You have a liar's tone. And speech pattern. Damnit! This is that Epsilon bullshit! Church, I dunno bout you, but I'm going to hide in the control room." Catexas fled out the door.

Suddenly, everyone inside Texas' mind felt immense pain.

"FUCK A MIGRAINE WHAT THE HELL!" screamed Texas from outside of her head. "FUCK YOU PEOPLE INSIDE MY HEAD!"

~•~

Blue?

boring fact: I got a headache while writing this segment..