A Pair of Second Chances

by obsidian dreamer

His past is still lost, but he has to move forwards. But, if you have no past, is it possible to help someone who has no future? Continuation from Friends and Lovers. ShadowJulieSu. COMPLETE.

21. Chapter 21 The Only Way?

Chapter 21 – The Only Way?

A/N: Wow, long one this time – hopefully coming to an end for this fic soon, hopefully the next chapter in the series, if you like, won't take me as long to write properly. For now though, the reviewers:

HHH – Sorry to hear about the budgie – never easy when a pet passes on. One of our dogs recently managed to half-crippled himself running into something – he now looks very fetching in a plastic bonnet! Hmm, nice idea about what was being uncovered by Enerjak – shame it's not right though :-). Read on and find out!

DS – Never knew that about the comics; I never really had a chance to read any of them – still, nice to know there are some people paying attention to detail out there. One other thing in the comics though, is Enerjak really power-mad like, say, Robotnik is, or is there some idea of him wanting anything other than to dominate Angel Island?

UL – Glad to see you're still reading – hope you enjoy the latest offering!

TG – Don't worry about being busy – I'm trying to buy a house at the minute and that's bad enough; at least with brinks and mortar you don't have to worry about feeding it or building a stable!

As he had known it would be, even if he had prayed it would be different, Dimitri felt the quivering being transmitted through the palm of the Central Dogma's right hand before he looked down at Shadow's face. Spirits give me strength; he had contravened the first law of his own organisation but he'd had no choice – though he'd done all he could reasonably do to avoid it, by not fully understanding the circumstances behind the hedgehog's mental 'defences' and pressing onwards with his own blind idea of the truth, he'd had no choice but to expose Shadow to the truth he had seen, and a monstrous, monolithical thing it was. The shock was painted indelibly in his face; the crimson eyes were widened almost beyond physical limits, the breathing was forced, sharp and hurried and the hedgehog was trembling from head to foot, even now not fully taking in what he'd just seen and, most damningly of all, what it would mean for him later on. What will happen to you next Shadow – not even I can hazard a guess; Dimitri couldn't even try to put himself in the hedgehog's shoes, for he had the Legion to keep him occupied, allow him to forget his own state and concentrate on allowing others onto the level the Chaos Siphon had propelled him, ensuring that no matter how it all turned out eventually, he'd have company around him. Shadow had nothing like such future assurances and because of that the grandmaster couldn't even begin to try and advise him of the best course of action; all he could do was ensure the younger Mobian was in his own space, free to absorb what had just been thrust upon his unexpecting and underserving mind,

"Shadow, Shadow", the Central Dogma's volume was raised as the first whisper got no reaction; only on the second, much more forceful attempt did the hedgehog look up, not even trying to shrug off the massive metal hand still pressing down on his head quills, "listen to me; you should go now; your friends will be waiting for you – they're the ones you need right now. Do you still have the Chaos Emerald?" That was a fake question, he could see it blazing in the hedgehog's pocket like a beacon but the words helped, letting Shadow see he still had some control over circumstances. Even now, as he followed the glowing pinpricks of the Central Dogma's face plate, Shadow seemed to jolt in understanding, recognising the answer to the metal echidna's question,

"Yeah", not fully realising what he was doing he brought it out into the open, the light reflecting brightly from the multiple facets of the small but incredibly potent jewel sitting in the hedgehog's palm. Seeing this and waiting until he was the centre of his former opponent's attention, Dimitri removed his augmentic hand from Shadow's head quills and spoke once more,

"Well listen to me; you have what you came for, you know for a fact your friend is safe. You must leave Necronopolis now; do you think you can do it?"

"I…", before he'd been so sure of himself, so confident in his own abilities but the riddle phantastique that he'd so recently seen now filled his mind, forcing him to forego concentration on any of his other strengths and focus on it and its repercussions alone, "I don't know…"

"Then I will help you", though not an entirely unselfish offer; it would prevent too many questions form the regular Legionnaires if the kidnapper had escaped without trace rather than being led out the front gates, the Legion's lord was also keen to make sure Shadow was among friends as quickly as possible, the better for him to share and therefore try to ride the awful storm in his mind, "just concentrate on where you want to be, focus on that alone and leave the rest to me". Slowly the very tip of one of his almighty fingers touched the side of the Chaos Emerald, the power from within it permeating through the metal to warm up his remaining skin at his behest; as he channelled the power into himself, Dimitri kept half an eye on the hedgehog holding the Chaos emerald and once more despair clawed at him – Shadow seemed to be if anything even further from recovery than when he'd looked last, still cocooned in the full knowledge of what was awaiting him, the fate he could not escape,

"Shadow"; his eyes moved; as it had what seemed like an age ago with Amy, the grandmaster felt his heart lift as the ebon hedgehog's pupils darted upwards to rest on his face, "do you have where you need to be, is it clear?" But there was no answer; stymied in his quest for good news, the technocrat was left unfulfilled as Shadow merely looked down, pausing for a moment before nodding, just once; tensing himself to expel the power he'd gathered into a new host, Dimitri decided to finish the short, ruinous part he had played in the hedgehog's life,

"Say it then", the energy of the little one birthed from the Master emerald erupted from him in a wash of power, flooding back through the emerald into the hedgehog as, rather than call, he merely whispered,

"Chaos Control".

A moment later, having powered up his optical circuits once more and found the room deserted save for himself, Dimitri took a step backwards; despite the fact he no longer felt fatigue due to his body's literally iron constitution, there was no denying the feeling of weariness that seemed to have swept over him, far greater in magnitude than the norm for a technique as draining as even a Chaos Control. He needed time and space to recuperate from what had just occurred, reason through what he'd unwittingly done and the suffering it was bound to cause a Mobian who'd just aptly demonstrated the adaptability of life just by getting to him as he had and, if anything, should now be celebrating his incredible coup. Sitting down on the specially reinforced chair at the head of Necronopolis's central auditorium, the grandmaster of the Dark Legion declined to vox for more troops just yet; the moment's solitude would give him a little time in which to plan his next moves. Even as he rested the main faceplate of the Central Dogma on one gargantuan bunched up fist and concentrated first and foremost on the implications the truth was sure to have on Shadow, there was still a small part of the grandmaster's mind occupied by the parts other participants of this thrilling saga of kidnap had played and could find nothing to criticise; maybe, just about maybe; weighing up the pros and cons of such a decision, Dimitri was reminded by his memory banks of the younger echidna's recently flawless conduct; Kragok's earned back his corporal's stripe.

XXX

If he had been able to notice it, Shadow would have recognised where he was sitting almost immediately; from this very spot a mere few hours ago, he had started the last stage of his plan to finally pull his flatmate out of the oppressive, looming shade of her former home – how different it was now, now when there was room for nothing in his mind say the same few figures, replaying the same movements over and over again, the shock in no way diminished as with every reminder, the hedgehog's imagination raced away, such potent firepower quickly blasting through any kind of mental barrier he tried to hastily erect to impede it's progress. No matter where he turned, which way he tried to see this new side of himself, all he could see were the people he had grown close to recently, the faces that meant so very much to him and, even if he shut his eyes, they were still there, there was nothing he could do that would let him unsee what Enerjak had shown him, watch them all, one by one, start to fade away, out of sight, and out of eventual memory. Sat down on his little tussock of raised earth, Shadow probed about the darkness in his mind, realising this was how it would have to be eventually, and knew the true meaning of utter isolation; even as such a chill sensation threatened to pull him under and drown his hope forever, the hedgehog found himself trying to decipher a way to limit the damage, ease the impact when it finally arrived, for he knew that, for all the speed he possessed, there was no way he could avoid a blow as dolorous as this.

As his mind fought desperately to have even a modicum of clear thought amid the frigid vacuum that had recently surrounded it, Shadow's body sat motionless, not stirring as, completely unheeded by his overburdened thoughts, the world wandered by all around him.

XXX

Though no-one in the office would have labelled her as a clock-watcher, there was no way they could deny that their newest recruit seemed to have a knack for anticipating the chime when it came; by the time her escort had even reached down for the off-switch, Julie had powered down her own machine, snatched up her bag and was stood to the side of him, smiling pleasantly,

"Any time you're ready?"

"Hey, cool it girl", Kadu sighed back, finally seeing out the corner of his eye the screen before him grey out and the phantom shackles of the day job slip from him as a consequence, "not everyone's got your sort of energy".

"Tell me about it"; the elder echidna had a teasing glint in her eye as she winked at him, "what is it I keep reading about the unfit, uninspired youth of today? No wonder you're always trailing me home, the amount of exercise you do".

"Well I sure don't stick behind you for the view" Kadu shot back, a little miffed at being put down like this in front of the rest of the staff as they filed out, "the only reason I'm not here on my bike is because you can't stand riding the thing".

"Oh I can standing riding it", Julie corrected him; the younger echidna shook his head as he realised that this time for all his glares and gruff nature he wasn't going to grind her down this time, "it's just your driving I've got issues with". After a second of getting his things together and neglecting to answer her, Kadu turned around, all his possessions gathered up in the small bag he now had slung over one shoulder,

"Right, let's go", he demanded, jerking his thumb towards the stairwell where the other workers of typing pool four were now filing out, ready to be replaced by the next part-time shift, "I got a programme to catch and it's on in just under thirty minutes".

"Same here, except mine's about a quarter of an hour away", Julie told him with a smirk before ducking past, calling over her shoulder, "come on, try and keep up this time".

"Right behind you"; hearing this, the ex-Legionnaire picked up her pace a little, falling into her normal, comfortable routine as she headed for home at a modest jog, enjoying the sensation of movement without pain as, at last, the bruise that had covered a vast portion of her rib cage was finally ebbing away, clearing up for good and letting her finally get back to full fitness; well, if not full; the echidna corrected herself, glancing down to see the pavement gliding away beneath her feet; at least as good as it was before – fingers crossed, get back into the rhythm tonight and be a size twelve by Christmas.

That was the goal she'd set herself; by her reckoning if she kept up this sort of gentle jogging and got her regular bi-weekly fix of exercises from the TV, she'd be able to drop a dress size by the time winter set in properly. However, she put on a little extra burst having rounded a sharp corner and assuring herself that there was no-one ahead of her to crash into, in order to stick to such an ideal she needed to make sure she was in a position to get bi-weekly viewing of her programme, she needed to get to her apartment in time to watch it; though taping was an option she no longer allowed herself to cheat like that – the thought she'd be too slow was one of the factors that spurred her into jogging like she did now. A glance at her watch made sure she was still on course time-wise; she could hear from the huffing and puffing behind her that Kadu was still on her tail; he can't deny that he's started to shape up because of this as well; and bearing up well, or at least much better than he had since she'd put her foot down and told him in no uncertain terms that, though she was grateful for him providing her with a escort to and from work everyday, as far as she was concerned the hover-bike he owned was off-limits.

It was good of him to agree to that actually; taking a slight mental step backwards from her body's exertions, Julie sniggered slightly as she relived the absolute temper tantrum Kadu had pulled when she'd come up with that condition – he'd invoked every childish condition under the sun up to and including stamping his feet to try and change her mind but she was having none of it; maybe he didn't agree with good grace, but he agreed. Since then, despite his grumbles, the younger echidna had proved himself to be quite a bit different to her first impressions of him; rather than an all-talk macho-Mobian, he did have something close to a sensitive side and did look out for people if he could – the mere fact he was here at all was proof enough of that. Though there hadn't been so much as a sniff of the Legion in over a fortnight he seemed to have taken the instructions Remington had given him deeply to heart; every day Julie opened her front door to see him stood there waiting for her, just in case as he liked to say, and the pair of them jogged home together as well. Now a couple of months back, that would have really bugged me; the sudden thought almost threw out her rhythm but luckily her body knew every step of the way so well it was virtually running on autopilot and managed to compensate for the slight hitch, letting the echidna think slightly more deeply about that rogue thought; but now, I don't seem to mind so much; her eyebrows rose a little as she took this in; it's just good to know people like him actually give a damn – sure as hell makes a refreshing change from what I was used to.

That realisation buoyed her up all the way home and made the half-mile or so she had left to go melt away effortlessly; slapping her hand down on the apartment block's front door, Julie looked over her shoulder and laughed at the sight of Kadu virtually collapsing to a halt, hand on a nearby lamp post as he sank almost to his haunches, drawing in deep, ragged breaths to recover his stamina. Noticing her scrutiny after a moment, he made a visible effort to drag himself upright and stagger towards where she was stood now, shaking her head at his posture of exhaustion,

"And they, say the youth of today's, unfit", he gasped as his trembling hand came to rest on the doorframe Julie was working at, trying to unlock the front door and let them both in, "well, they were right".

"Ah, you're getting better", Julie assured him, pushing the portal open and gesturing for him to go first, "admittedly not very quickly, but you are getting better". Kadu turned to favour her with a caustic smile as he moved past,

"And you, of course, hit the deck running the second after you popped out your egg?"

"Of course", Julie rebuked him, expression indicating she'd been mortally offended by his suggesting otherwise, "isn't that obvious?"

"Not from where I'm looking".

"Ah well, that just stops people getting jealous of me", Julie continued unashamedly, following her workmate up the stairs towards the first floor where she'd bid him good evening; he lived a couple of floors up from her, one of the reasons he always claimed he went a little slower in the run home; 'I'm saving myself for climbing the stairs' – yeah right, pull the other one; "so, what you got planned for the night?" After pausing for a second musing, Kadu merely shrugged,

"Quiet one; not got anything much planned, probably just going to watch the box, after a nice long, hot bath", he added, the flicker of hurt rippling over his face causing Julie to suspect a twinge of cramp before he recovered and turned the question on her, "so what about you?" Pretty much the same I guess;

"Depends if Shadow's got any ideas or not", Julie admitted after minute's thought, the landing to her floor visible by now, "wait for him to bowl in from work and go from there I reckon".

"He's C.A isn't he?" Kadu queried; he'd seen this workmate's living partner on a couple of occasions but hadn't, as yet, shared any words with him and was a little sketchy on the details of the hedgehog, "how's it going over there?"

"A bit like our place he says; he is running a lot of the time though", Julie pointed out, "I doubt he's got a lot to do with the inner workings of the C.A – shame really, I bet if he did he'd be able to get things working faster than they are at the minute".

"Tell me about it; anyway", Julie saw the other echidna's eyes linger on the stairs he still had to climb before glancing over at her, "see you tomorrow, and tell Shadow I said hi".

"No problem", Julie assured him with a casual wave, the rapid pounding noises she could hear over her shoulder telling her Kadu was probably our of eyeshot by now; just as she was heading for her own place, however, his disembodied voice floated down to her,

"Just one thing Jules", she took a pace back, craning her neck upwards to see him grinning down at her, "beings as you keep talking about Shadow so much, is he familiar with your inner workings yet? Gone!" He hastily shouted, tearing up the stairs pell-mell as Julie, face suddenly smouldering, made to throw herself after him after that sort of unnecessary double entendre. Damn it; getting herself back under control as she saw the bottom edges of his soles streaking up the stair case over her head, Julie mentally recited the normal litany of curses she held ready for this time in the day; every bleeding time, and I always fall for it – ooh I hate him sometimes. Probably realising it had to be some kind of karmic justice on his part to pay her back for the exercise routine she was forcing on him, Julie merely ground her teeth as she stalked back to her shared apartment, glancing at her watch to see she still had enough time to get changed into her workout gear, knock back a quick drink and get settled in front of the TV before it all kicked off. As she pulled the door to behind her, sealing her in for the night, how could she have possibly imagined that, in a mere thirty minutes, her already tempestuous and turbulent life would be given another monumental stir?

XXX

And to think; the concentration on her face prevented her from smiling; that this was once hard – I could go on for another hour or two – the regime's just working like a charm. Pumping her knees up almost to the level of her chin alternately, Julie mimicked the figure before her, watching the movements and letting the near-constant stream of pep-talking wash right over her, feeling no tiredness enveloping her limbs as it had just a couple of months ago when she'd started working out like this. It wasn't as though she'd ever been unfit, the continual drilling and physical exercise sessions held by the Dark Legion had ensured that was never going to be the case, but this kind of high tempo, fast burst workout had been completely alien to her; just like everything else on Angel Island. But I managed it in the end; the smile finally began creeping over her face, interrupting her steady breathing pattern slightly as she followed the uplifting thought to its conclusion; I'm not there yet, but one day I'm going to walk down the street and absolutely no-one is going to think I look odd; competitive spirit rekindled, Julie began to rotate slowly, increasing the speed of her star jumps fractionally as the desire to prove herself, get that little bit better than she was already burned within her; the flame was so hot that it was a couple of seconds before she slowed down, coming to an eventual halt as her brow knitted; hey, who killed the music...? For a second she feared the power had gone down and looked over her shoulder, expecting to see a black, blank screen staring back at her, choking her exercise off just when she'd built up a full head of steam.

Her legs were immediately powdered to straw, the sight before her leeching the vitality out of her very being like a vampire, transfixing her with those glowing, coal-like eyes. Gasping for air as her heart threw itself against the prison of her ribcage, Julie tried with every ounce of her mental resolve to break her eyes away from the screen but was helpless, unable to even blink her shock-widened pupils against the abomination glaring at her now. She was sure his voice, booming through the speakers like the first explosion of the apocalypse, would be enough to force her into unconsciousness but somehow her tiny, insignificant frame clung to life as the machine that had up until a few months ago been the god of her existence made his proclamation,

"Good evening Echidnopolis", the greeting itself was terrible enough, the veneer of politeness somehow more laden with dread promise than the threat of violence that was sure to follow, "no-one panic please, I'm not going to be here long and this isn't any kind of intimidation; I merely want to make a few facts very clear". Her breathing was still ragged and there was no denying the shock that still had her held fast in its grip, but, as much as she could take in the inscrutable face of the androgynous Enerjak, Julie was just about able to deduce that for some reason he wasn't making any kind of a threat before his voice rolled on, somehow even more doom-laden than before,

"It has come to my attention that, some weeks ago, an incident occurred involving a few members of the Dark Legion; an incident that singled out one former Legionnaire who decided to leave our organisation for reasons of her own; an incident fuelled only by misguided anger and revenge", those LED displays flared like an inhaling demon as the grandmaster growled his next words, "these are things I will not, repeat, will not allow to fester with the Dark Legion; those responsible for such a cowardly attack have been identified and punished severely for their crimes and will never again hold rank within the Legion as long as I preside over it". The cyborg seemed to take a step backwards, the pause in his words accompanied by Julie sitting up straight on the settee, shock finally starting to ebb away, replaced by something else, something strong that was stirring in the very pit of her stomach as Enerjak spread both his almighty arms wide and continued his speech,

"I, and through me the Legion, have made many promises and deals of peace with the council of Echidnopolis; I will not allow the actions of a few stupid Legionnaires to tar the reputation of my organisation as a whole. No-one need fear us, or fear, should they decide our ways are not for them at the moment, leaving us – they can do so in safety and without concerns of reprisal. On that, you have the word of Enerjak", the cyborg nodded once before looking up once more, tone softer now as it seemed the impromptu hack into the broadcasting network of Echidnopolis came to an end, "my apologies for disturbing your evenings; farewell".

Suddenly blind to the re-ignition of the screen before her and deaf to the sudden high-speed beat now echoing through the living room, Julie merely flumped backwards further into the settee that half-cocooned her, mind racing a mile a second as what she had just seen branded her mind in perfect Technicolor. Half of her was tempted to ignore it as some insane delusion, a phantom ghost suddenly sprung up from the most bizarre and deranged depths of her unconscious imaginations and playing on her recent experiences. For a second she was tempted to play along with such an idea before, with an almost audible sound, the realms of the fantastic and the plausible came together with a grinding crunch, forcing her sore, overburdened brain to begin to accept what she'd just seen; and…; suddenly her hands gripped tightly, the knuckles going white through her gloves as the very beginnings of an exultant, panting laugh began to germinate on her face, a soaring sensation lending wings to her back and allowing her to swoop away, the anchor once and forever sundered from her ankles, seeing her free at last; ..and what it is, what it means!

XXX

The stairs were nothing to someone who could fly; with the shackles broken forever, everything was so effortless, so easy – she breezed up the three flights of stairs without registering touching the thinning carpet covering them once. Twice she rapped on the door before her, hopping from foot to foot in an effort to expel some of her now-pent up power before it could consume her utterly in a blaze of pure positivity. Senses enhanced by such massive relief picked up the answer long before the door before her rattled, there was an almost musical clink as a set of keys were jangled together and, finally to someone as desperate to share her gospel as Julie was, the apartment opening swung open, revealing the echidna she'd flown upstairs to see,

"Jules?" She held down a smile as Kadu hastily licked his lips and swallowed the traces of what must have been his dinner to answer politely, "what are you doing here?" Obviously he hadn't seen it, but the ex-Legionnaire was far beyond caring; all that was on her mind now was the repeated promise, from the grandmaster of the Dark Legion himself no less, that she had completely abandoned the fetters of her former home, that no-one from the Legion would ever blight her life again.

"Nothing", he must have seen the message radiating from very pore of her body, the virtually tangible force-field of exultation thrumming all around her as she carried on, "just, better let you know much as I enjoyed it", she paused, savouring these words like she would the very ambrosia of the gods themselves, craving every drop of satisfaction, of certainty and security that she could possibly take from them, "I won't need an escort tomorrow". The blanket wrapped around her like a warm, soft towel, banishing the shadow that had so recently tormented her with a beam of purest sunlight, reducing it to less than nothing, a powerless, broken husk as Kadu, understandably a little bemused by this sudden change in circumstances, raised an eyebrow,

"You, ah, I guess you're sure about this?" He corrected himself quickly as Julie smiled at him, the single gesture conveying far more than the thousand words a picture was supposed to tell, "what brought this on?" Julie laughed,

"You'll find out tomorrow", she had to cut herself of as an urge to jump on the younger echidna suddenly grabbed her, the basic, instinctive need to hold someone close at a time of celebration like this making her irrational; though she managed to wrestle it down, there was no denying the need would come back reinforced, "but anyway, better get going"; yeah, can't let this go to waste; as she smartly turned on her heel and began descending back to her own level, feet still not registering contact with the ground, Julie felt the smile on her face grow to massive proportions as, almost but not entirely unbidden, a single figure pulled up in her mind and allowed her to focus on it; not meaning to think of you wrongly or anything Kadu, but I've got someone else I'd much rather share this with.

As she sealed herself in her own apartment again, Julie pranced from room to room not because of any stupid ideas of losing weight she had, but just for the sheer joy of life, the unsullied, sincere spirit of freedom and adventures beckoning out somewhere, waiting for her to seize upon them and live out her dreams. And it was possible; in this moment she felt nothing was beyond her imaginations – right now, she could do and be anything she wanted to be and there was nothing to stop her; after all, the Legion couldn't hold me down; the conformation of this fact sent another shudder upwards through her, allowing her fly a little higher than before even as she sank down onto one of the chairs in her lounge; nothing's going to stop us now.

This time, as another, slightly slighter and darker figure joined in her crazy ascending dance of deliverance, unlike most other times when she pulled back from her feelings, unsure or afraid of how to interpret them correctly, Julie relaxed and, after quickly taking in the time to count down how long before it may become something close to a reality, let herself float free, join her dementedly overjoyed thoughts and ran with them, wherever they would take her.

XXX

A sudden sneeze broke his deadlock; sniffing deeply through his nose, Shadow suddenly looked around sharply, the breath in his throat catching as he realised with horror how much time he'd lost. Twilight was setting in deeply now, the small patches of darkness beginning to merge and meld into new, amorphous forms that threatened to obscure the route home completely. Biting his lip both in concern that, despite his mental lock-in, he could see no way of avoiding his fate and to avoid groaning as the cramp raced up and down his stiff legs, the former ultimate life-form stood up, stretching off almost shyly, bitterly aware of how apt the scenario he found himself in now was; a taster of things to come. The pessimistic thought echoed around in his head as something glinted on the floor nearby and he casually scooped it up, observing how the Chaos Emerald seemed to deflect the darkness coiling about it – what he wouldn't give to be able to do the same? But the thought would have to be postponed for now, the answer to the riddle he now knew was at the very centre of his being would have to be solved later on; motivated by the jewel in his hand, Shadow began to walk slowly towards the shrine of the Master Emerald, reminded that he still had to deposit the stone there to fulfil his promise to Espio. Not trusting himself to run yet, rationally aware that he couldn't concentrate on the route to anything like a safe standard, Shadow began the trudge towards home not knowing, and increasingly afraid of not knowing, what he was supposed to do next.

XXX

She'd been jumping around like a cat on a hot tin roof trying to keep her bubbling excitement at least partly contained, eyes sweeping the wall to count down the passing seconds as they were marked off by the clock on the wall. Nothing could get her down now; like the electrical tingling in the air as a prelude to a major storm, Julie's excitement was building up to a fever pitch, ready to be unleashed when the time was right; slowly, almost as if afraid of the power that was going to be detonated, but eventually, bound by the infallible law that all time must pass, no matter how slowly it seems to everyone watching it, it must pass eventually, five o'clock had rolled around…

…and then it had passed. Followed by quarter-past. Half-past. Six o'clock.

And Shadow was nowhere to be seen.

At first she'd not been too concerned; though still a little undermined by the hedgehog's absence, Julie probably reasoned that he'd been invited out for a while, a slight dalliance after work. It wouldn't have been the first time something similar had occurred; though, it has to be said he usually rings if something like that's going down; and the wait maybe even wetted her apatite – after a couple of hours celebrating some minor event or other, he'd come in, she'd drop the motherload of explosives Enerjak had delivered to her and then they could both go out celebrating a really, really major event.

That certainty had kept her going for a little while; over and over she replayed the look on the hedgehog's face when she told him what she'd just seen, the mixture of disbelief at her words and utter, hopeless wild abandonment of joy as they finally sunk in – beyond that, she didn't really look to hard – whatever would be would just have to be because there was just no way anything bad could possibly happen tonight. Or so she had thought; now though, with even that idea eroded away due to the lateness of the hour and her flatmate's still-unaccounted for absence, Julie found herself gradually bereft of the feeling of celebration she had thought she could never lose only a few scant hours ago. Checking the clock once more she gritted her teeth, unable to cease her frantic pacing or concentrate on anything as another minor spear of irritation and worry caused her to fret over where the hell Shadow could have got himself to; and on a work day as well? He never normally loses himself like this, what's happened to him?

As she half-growled through her teeth to disguise the effect this unexplained change of circumstances was having on her, using anger to paper over her deep-rooted concern for Shadow's well-being, she couldn't seem to help herself from looking at the time again. By the spirits, half-nine; she couldn't call him, she'd tried only to find herself answered by his answer phone; only the knowledge she had that the EST didn't consider anyone missing until they'd been gone for twenty-four hours and that she wouldn't have even the faintest idea of where to look for him stopped her alerting the authorities to Shadow's disappearance or going out to try and solve the mystery herself; he never stops out this late – oh what if something's happened to him; she tried to shut down that line of thought because it was so painful; if he's been hurt, or run over, or…what'll I do without him? He's the only thing I've got that I can really depend on – my job's good, the people I work with are cool and, heck, I've even got the guardian's on my side if push comes to shove, but Shadow started the whole thing, and he's stuck with me throughout. I'd have ended up on the street or in a stripy suit without him actually offering to take me on in the first place – if he's gone and…

The sound of a bolt being drawn back as a key turned in a lock echoed through her head; in a split-second Julie had gone rigid as a waxwork, even her individual hairs standing on end as she listened obsessively, needing to hear the faint swishing of the door over the carpet to be sure, to make sure she didn't drown herself in a false deluge of relief; there it was, and a single footstep inside to confirm it beyond all doubt. The wave of emotion that crashed over her was so powerful Julie was knocked sagging against the nearest wall; luckily by this point she was in the kitchen, out of sight of the front door – if she could keep a lid on herself she might be able to handle this situation in a control and composed manner, find out where the hedgehog had gone and, more to the point, why he'd had his phone switched off and neglected to mention anything about his change of plans for the night to her. She forced herself to stand up, calling on years of instilled discipline to remain clinical in a situation like this, mentally commanding herself to maintain her veneer of calm in the face of such an unexpected happening; running in blindly wouldn't help here. With this in mind Julie walked out of the kitchen to confront the culprit who'd made her feel so helpless through his absence.

Almost for the first time in her life, however, the old discipline failed her; at the first sight of the hedgehog fiddling with his shoes, rubbing them clean on the hall mat, some kind of internal barrier ruptured completely, flooding out over her collectedness and unleashing something else, a desperate need to know, to try and understand,

"Shadow", he stiffened up at her word, she saw the quiver run right though his body and the sight only seemed to spur on the recriminations racing through her, "where the hell have you been?"

She'd had some ideas, nothing concrete, but a couple of explanations as to what had delayed the hedgehog's homecoming; however, as Shadow turned around, everything she had previously suspected, every theory she'd previously concocted to try and explain what was going on, even the wild, rapturous bliss of her own release, was all just blown away as Julie beheld the face of her flatmate

XXX

Oh no; he'd known this was coming but there was no way he could have prepared for it; somehow her voice made what he knew now all the more real, all the more damaging, and his situation all the more desperate. He had no choice now though; Julie's demands alone would have been painful enough, but now he had to turn around and face her, see in the flesh something he knew he'd one day have to miss; misery roiling around in his stomach and despair in his manner, Shadow swallowed softly and turned to look at his housemate, not even trusting himself to speak as he saw Julie standing there, regarding him with arms folded. The way her face fell as she saw him plunged ever deeper into the darkness of lonely eternities; and there's still; he felt tears cluster his vision, fracture the echidna's face as his mind once more rushed away, trying to run from what was confronting him, the decision he had to make; no way out of this.

XXX

The hedgehog she knew so well seemed to be missing; there was none of Shadow's normal wit or empathy in the face of this familiar stranger. All this Shadow appeared to be able to do was look like a wet weekend, apparently unable to see or unconcerned with the wringer he'd put her through, the weak, tepid smile he offered less than nothing compared to what she'd just had to sit through waiting for him. Yet, for all that he'd obviously done wrong, Julie couldn't bring herself to even ask why; through the red mirrors that had replaced Shadow's eyes she could see, or at least, she thought she could see, something else, some sort of deeper hurt that the hedgehog was trying to deal with. Anger evaporated along with any sense of elation now; she was stuck in a situation she honestly couldn't even begin to fathom as her tongue clove to the roof of her mouth, rendering her unable to speak as Shadow nodded at her,

"Julie", even his voice was different; it was a colourless, dry croak that answered her, tinged only with a hint of desperation as it made it's need plain, "sorry, I am, but, I have to sleep now". Sleep, forget that, you're going to tell me what the hell just happened and why you're so late in;

"Sure, you go ahead"; what; Julie scarcely believed the words when she heard them issued from her own mouth, but sure enough it was her voice that was speaking, "you look like you've had a rough night". Maybe she'd been expecting some sort of a comeback, a snappy remark, anything to break up the monotony of what she'd seen of Shadow so far, but if that was the case she was to be disappointed; with no more than a nod of his head the hedgehog brushed past her, not even bothering to clean up in the bathroom as he headed straight for the bedroom of their apartment, shutting the door behind him, obviously not to be disturbed for the night.

For a long time, Julie merely stood where she was, eyes trained on the bedroom door as her mind's eye saw the same past few minutes flit past over and over again; each time, the outright negativity of such an entrance by Shadow, a Mobian who, despite his rather collected outer shell and seemingly mundane activities so far, she'd come to associated with an adventurous soul and a slight taste for danger, sapped the will right out of her. She knew sleep for her was eons away, as was virtually everything else; the memories of Enerjak's dramatic proclamation of her freedom now nothing more than just memories, despite being only a few hours old – somehow she felt she'd aged ten years in the few scant moments she'd interacted with her flatmate tonight. Shaking her head, the echidna trudged into the lounge and flopped down on the settee, reclining backwards as she fought to try and piece together an explanation, any kind of explanation, to resolve what had just happened. How did he go from Shadow to that…; there wasn't a word she could think of to describe the walking corpse that had come through the front door a few moments ago, even attempting to name it made her shudder; …thing? What's brought it…in fact no, forget that; thrusting the question aside for the moment, Julie tried to contemplate a bigger issue, one that, if it didn't get resolved, filled her with a icy, blood-curdling terror; is he going to break out of it? He's got to, I can't live with someone like that – damn it Shadow.

Letting her face fall into her hands, the ex-Legionnaire felt her hope, so recently built up by freedom, under a graver threat now than anything the Legion could have provided; I don't care why you were late tonight, I just care about you. For the love of anything, you need, I need you; it hurt to think like this, it went against everything she'd ever been taught by her life in the school of hard knocks but she couldn't break away now – she'd taken a gamble and had no choice but to see it through, for good, or for ill. Trying to picture the black hedgehog as anything other than the annoying, caustic but at the same time so outright trusting, dependable and if she was completely honest loving, Mobian she'd grown so accustomed to and fond of was by far the most dread phantom of all; I need you back.

XXX

Thought she had no way of knowing it, Julie wasn't alone in not being able to sleep; as he had prepared himself to rest, Shadow had finally lost the will to run any more; at bay to the truth, the hedgehog had no choice but to turn and face what was coming and make the choice. All the way home his head had pounded with the need for his pick between the two options and the acceptance of the certainty that his life was going to change; there was no way it could ever be the same when that pronouncement had echoed through his head. It doesn't matter what I do; the irony would have made him smile if there had been any joy in his soul any more; I'm going to get hurt by this – I either suffer now or I carry on as I am and die later, when I have to confess everything at it all just falls apart. The warmth of his blanket was the only source of heat he had now; inside he was as cold as a polar ice-cap, a perfect little ball of icy despair and misery as he curled up, bracing himself to try and decide what to do next, knowing he was damned if he did, and he was definitely damned if he didn't.

A moment later, after closing his eyes and silently incanting a mournful curse at the trick fate had played on him, the hedgehog made his choice. Mere seconds after that, he was beginning to plan out how best he could begin to adapt to the new way of life he had adopted.

XXX

Of all the exercises detailed within its many and sacred pages, that one definitely wasn't in the staff manual; having glanced up from her screen to check if there was a runner about, Honey nearly cricked her neck as her head shot up again, not believing what she'd seen first time and needing a second look to try and confirm it. Her jaw dropped as she realised it was actually true; but; mind boggling at the sight before her, Honey tried to rapidly cycle through any reason Shadow might have had for showing up at Central Admin today and found herself mute for an answer; he's supposed to be on holiday until next week! Unable to think of anything else to do, the blonde echidna could only watch on astounded as, following a brief conversation at her desk, Snappy stood up to follow the hedgehog over to the massive print calendar that dominated a large proportion of the far wall, the pair of them pointing to weeks of it at a time and holding a conversation Honey couldn't make out, not that she was listening too hard to the words, merely trying to figure out what Shadow was doing here in the first place. Maybe he's booking his next trip off in advance; that would make sense – some of the others had been known to come in and talk to the management on one of their annual holidays to try and beat rushes for the peak holiday seasons. Honey thought about this for a moment and decided that was probably the most likely cause of the hedgehog's turning up, or at least she did until, having nodded deferentially to the matriarchal Snappy, Shadow quickly snapped up a spare runner's knapsack and darted over to the nearest full desk, shuffled up the top five files and a handful of receipts before taking off, racing away at his customary office speed to the elevator out the back of the C.A. Thrown off the scent by this complete abandonment of common sense, Honey could only gawp helplessly after him, the cogs of her mind frozen up irreparably as they tried to put this one through the mill; why, oh why, is Shadow working on his day off? Hmm, maybe it's a one-off, like it was at the weekend for me?

However, as the hedgehog swiftly reappeared and took another five samples, then five more after that before the petite echidna's disbelieving eyes, she quickly realised that idea, and all the ones following since that first spark, had to be completely and utterly incorrect.

XXX

Speed, wind whistling in his ears, that was all there was; a fractional pause, a few meaningless words exchanged with someone he didn't really know while they signed for the mail he was bringing for them and that was all; repeated over and over, it was a cycle that would protect him. Hurling himself heedlessly through the streets he now knew like the back of his hand, Shadow closed his eyes for a second, beginning to accept his new life, his new safeguards against the end of everything that was inexorably approaching; this isn't heaven by any means; he knew this was the easiest part of trying to prevent himself getting too close to things, to people, he was sure would leave him behind and that there would be pain trying to snap the bonds he already had; but it's worth it, it has to be – it's not heaven, but it's certainly a damn sight better than hell. Now though, I've got the first challenge up ahead; already having his explanations prepared, the hedgehog pulled to a stop next to the building to his right, checking the street to make sure it was safe to cross the road; gotta let Honey know what's going on, now and later.

XXX

"Hmm, three seconds late"; Shadow beamed into the upraised eyebrows as the echidna opposite him slapped her plate down on the table, "not too shabby I suppose, but then again I'm allowed to be a perfectionist".

"So I gathered", had she not been so pre-occupied wanting to know why Shadow was in the canteen in the first place Honey might have noticed the almost too cheerful tone he was talking to her with, "but, well, do I really have to bother asking?"

"Not really – reason I'm here is, leaving aside the fact you chumps need all the help you can get", the echidna favoured him with a basilisk smile; strange, he didn't smile back; "is that I need all the cash I can get; want to go up in the world, you see, and, well, can't get onto the second floor unless you've got a small mountain of cash underneath you".

"Yeah, that's certainly true; ah, got yah", seeing the sense in what he was doing, his co-worker tipped him a knowing wink, "you get extra pay for coming on a holiday, that right?"

"You got it", Shadow agreed, relieved the Honey had made it easier than he'd expected by jumping to that conclusion as it meant he didn't have to explain why he was working for just his basic hourly rate rather than just having his day off, "but yeah, I didn't have much on and decided to come back, just for something to do". Honey shook her head piteously,

"Coming into work for something to do – how sad is that? Mind you", she tacked on, expertly interrupting the hedgehog's non-existent comeback, "I can understand why – house prices are rocketing upwards, even for renters like us. Any idea what the pair of you are looking for?" Shadow glanced up sharply; don't make me think about that;

"Umm, not really", desperate to postpone thinking about how he could possibly let Julie down gently and trying to break up the conversation entirely as it was becoming a little too friendly, Shadow drew up his end of the conversation quickly, "if you see anything about, let us know okay?"

"Sure", Honey replied easily; she would have said more but the way the ebon hedgehog looked down and suddenly began clearing his plate told her in no uncertain terms that as far as he was concerned the talking was done and the eating was beginning; must be hungry, but still; sparing a last glance towards where the hedgehog was sat, she cast him an affronted look; that was a bit rude. Hope you're not planning on making a habit of that pal.

XXX

Her confusion and concern over Shadow's bizarre behaviour last night had made her irritable, the mood compounded by a lack of restful sleep; therefore, walking into an office who'd been specially briefed by Remington to give her a rapturous welcome had been a real stress on her tautened nerves. Oddly enough, no-one had really wanted to believe her when she said she just fancied a normal day at the office, mostly because she wanted to get home at the normal time and get ready to see if Shadow had actually snapped out of whatever funk he'd been in last night, and her entire day had been one continuous round of back-slapping, congratulations and, she had to admit this had brought a smile to her face, at the end of the shift, a hastily wrapped present paid for by a whip-round and brought by Nesi in the lunch hour. The resultant bottle of freshly chilled white wine was now comfortably ensconced in the bottom of the fridge; much like Kadu probably wished his scalp was after Julie had copped hold of him just before he'd nipped out the door at going home time. Only the sight of Remington himself threatening to book her if she didn't stop and release the annoyance in her arms had persuaded her to let him go; that'll teach him to try and get my singing played in the office ever again; blowing on her knuckles, the ex-Legionnaire allowed herself a smile as she pictured the way Kadu had beaten the top of his head as though his dreadlocks were on fire when she'd got through with him; thanks for that trick Cream.

The little rabbit demonstrating the fine art of monkey-scrubbing with a completely cold-cocked Sonic as a test dummy live on vid-phone warmed the cockles of her heart no end; a second later, however, the cheer vanished as she remembered what she was hoping to see now. What I wouldn't give to be able to scrub my way into his brain, see what was going on in there; the thought made the echidna groan in frustration – why, just why when everything seemed to be going fine, in fact, better, so much better than fine, did something like this have to invariably happen? Sitting down in the kitchen, Julie tapped her fingers together as she snuck another guilty look at the clock on the wall – technically he shouldn't be home for another ten or fifteen minutes anyway so he had a little leeway on that count, which just gave her a little more time to think, to try and puzzle out what could have thrown the hedgehog for such a loop that he was away so long on a work night without letting anyone know where he was. Giving a sardonic smile, Julie looked back over the ideas she'd come up with so far, and there weren't very many of them, in fact the only plausible explanation she'd even remotely feathered on was the idea that he'd gone to see some kind of girlfriend last night and things had got a little heated, maybe words had been said and everything had been thrown completely up in the air. It was something like a realistic theory but, even so, Julie couldn't really see it happening; and, just in case it did happen; ripples spread out over the surface of her drink as her fingers tightened their grip; he better have an impeccable explanation as to why he kept me in the dark about his mistress!

A few minutes after that thought crossed her mind, the top of her drink rippled again, a lot more violently this time as a crash from the front door made her jump vertically out of her seat; before she could do much more than turn around something dark had shot towards the draining board and scooped up a mug; it was only when he reached for the towel and started drying the utensil that Julie managed to get her tongue back into full working order,

"Shadow?"

"Where?" The hedgehog looked frantically over his shoulder as though expecting to be pounced on before glancing down at himself, "oh, you mean me?"

"Yeah, yes of course I meant you", startled by his early return from work Julie had to look at the clock and her watch to assure herself neither was displaying the wrong time, "what are you doing back so early?"

"I started early so they said I could take myself off home ten minutes from time", the hedgehog answered nonchalantly, turning his back on her to reach the on switch for the kettle, "anyway, about work, something I need to tell you". Now what; the irrational fear that he'd been made redundant spiked her; if that happens we're both going to be kipping in the cold – no way my part-timer'll keep this roof over our heads;

"What about it? You get promoted?"

"I wish – I've not even been there six months yet; no, I need to tell you I'm going to be coming in late most of next week, I've signed myself up on the overtime roster, working nine until seven now".

"Why?"

"Just want some extra security", the hedgehog wheedled, trying to put his point across in the minimum amount of time and words necessary, "putting something away for a rainy day, you know the sort of thing?"

"Yeah, but nine until seven, five days a week, that's fifty hours – you'll kill yourself", Julie put forwards, in her mind stating the obvious – to her, fifty hours in a week was a damn long time to be at work; leaving aside eight hours for sleeping, that left six hours in a day to kick back and relax, not a healthy balance in her mind. To her mingled shock and embarrassment, however, Shadow merely shook his head, apparently trying not to chuckle at her exclamation,

"Kill myself, nah, the work's a breeze, but there it is, like I said, starting next week, just thought you'd better get some early warning". The opening she needed; seizing it before it could slip away, the ex-Legionnaire closed in, her motives cloaked under a single raised eyebrow,

"Early warnings; wish I'd had a bit of that last night"; right, here we go then; he'd known she'd be after answers such as these – he had to make his next act convincing, "I have no idea what you were up to Shads but I nearly bit my nails down to the quicks waiting for you – it had gone half-nine when you rolled in and that's not like you, especially not to leave a message or get in touch. What happened out there?"

"Nothing, well, no, sorry that was the wrong thing to say", learning from his previous mistakes, Shadow let a prefabricated mistake out to sell Julie a dummy, "something did happen, something I really don't want to talk about right now, and I had to just run, get it out of my system, get away for a bit and think about it. I know I should have told you or let you know, but I wasn't thinking straight at the time; I was still suffering when I got to you last night, hence why I just turned in early and couldn't say too much. Don't worry now, all out the way, over and dealt with; what happened last night isn't going to happen again, I promise you that".

If it hadn't been for the relief she'd felt at that oath drowning out her other, slightly more subtle senses, Julie might have seen it than and been able to nip the problem in the bud before it really arrived; as it was though, she didn't even give the hedgehog's words a second thought; he's not broken a promise to me yet – I can believe him. Letting out a low, long breath of relieved anxiety, Julie stood tall and made to deliver her own news, beginning to glow slightly as a modicum of the excitement that had swamped her last night began to creep back over her,

"That's reassuring to know, but, aside from the fact you caused me to worry myself half to death, there's another reason I'm annoyed with you for not showing up yesterday; I had a bit of good news in the afternoon", the hedgehog raised an eyebrow; great, no-one's told him – just what I wanted; her grin grew huge as she sidled forwards, celebration jubilantly clear on her face, "Enerjak, he somehow got himself broadcast all over Echidnopolis", Shadow's eyes bulged in disbelief, fuelling her delight even more as she slapped her hands against her sides and threw her arms wide, proclaiming her gospel for all to hear, "he said basically, I'm free, completely".

Julie wasn't sure quite what she was expecting as a reaction, so she put the manner in which Shadow merely continued to stand there and blink down to shock; caught up in the tide, the ex-Legionnaire threw herself forwards, for once abandoning the usual air of collectedness she had around her to wrap her arms around the hedgehog in front of her, share her newfound freedom with the one Mobian who'd done more to help her get it than anyone else.

XXX

Shadow froze completely as suddenly Julie was at his front; of all the things he'd dreaded this was one of the worst as desire sprang up within him, battering at the barriers he'd forcibly erected around himself. His arms twitched momentarily but, no, he had to deny the urges; after a second of struggle he succeeded, reaching something of a compromise within himself. Under careful mental guidance he did reciprocate her hold but in a different way, keeping his grip strong enough only to let her know he was there, nothing more, keeping the distance between them; if she gets in; the thought made the ache redouble but he still had to keep it at bay, reminding himself that if he succumbed it would mean so much loss later on; that really will be the end – I have got to keep her, keep them all, away.

XXX

It was only then that she realised what was wrong; something about the way Shadow was holding her, it was different – Julie couldn't name what it might be but there was definitely something amiss in his arms. Before, when she'd needed some support and he'd been there, she would have sworn blind that nothing on earth would have been able to break through and reach her through him, but now that feeling of security, it was just gone. Puzzled bemusement filtered through Julie as she shifted fractionally in the hedgehog's hold, only to feel more hurt confusion as she found she was able to do so; that's not right, before he didn't let go, not until he was sure…; pushing herself backwards, perturbed by the ease in which she was able to accomplish her escape from his grip, Julie took a couple of steps back to regard the hedgehog anew; it looked like he was still reeling for some reason, but surely he should have recovered enough to get excited by now?

"Well", desperate to salvage something, Julie resorted to outright asking, "aren't you going to say…?"

"Sorry, but just, wow", the hedgehog cut her off after seeming to shake his head, moving his hands past his face as though indicating a dazing blow, "that caught me a bit out of the blue, in fact no, it caught me a lot out of the blue. How'd it happen?" Suddenly he seemed eager, a little too eager, pulling out a chair and sitting down regarding her hungrily for details, "what happened, how'd you find out?"

"Like I said, it was a broadcast", deflated by her realisations, Julie slipped into a seat of her own, eyeing the hedgehog opposite her up as she spoke, wondering if perhaps she'd been a little forwards by her expectations; it must, now she thought about it, been a lot to take in for someone who had no idea up to now. As she began to outline the exact circumstances behind Enerjak's surprise entrance into her living room, Julie gradually felt herself starting to relax a little; it looks like he's taking all this in, but…; there was no doubt Shadow was making all the right moves, the right expressions and saying the right things in the right places of her story, but at the same time, in the same way she'd felt something missing from his earlier holding of her, the echidna couldn't shake the nagging feeling that there was something just a little bit, she couldn't quite find the word that summed up what was gone – the best she could come up with was 'fake', in the hedgehog's manner. Thought overall she let herself gradually get more into her role as a storyteller, there was no doubt things weren't quite as they should be and the first few seeds of doubt had been planted in Julie's mind.

XXX

This is okay, this is stuff I already know; Shadow tuned the echidna in front of him in with half an ear as she regurgitated information he already knew, in fact he had been the first to know; of course, she didn't know this was new news to him, so he had to put on a convincing sideshow to feign interest in her words; there's no chance of this getting out of hand – just keep it professional and you'll get out of this no problem. Contented with circumstances as they were, Shadow decided against stopping his flatmate talking, waving her to carry on and starting to prepare a meal to allow her to carry on without breaking rhythm and ,as an added bonus, prevent him from looking at her too much, stopped the javelins of affection bouncing off and weakening his wall of serenity. It was only when she mentioned something as they were clearing up that he actually paid full attention to what she was saying; oh no; the lapse of his memory rebounded right into his face, sending icy spiders running up and down his backbone; I'd forgotten all about that!

"You, ah, you got it; thanks I'd nearly forgotten myself", he allowed himself to smile; it would be the expression she'd be expecting to see, "so, just get cleaned up, then go".

"Sure thing"; good; there was a touch of relief in his manner as the process seemed to be starting faster than he'd anticipated; soon she'll realise, and I'll be out of this part of the mess; quickly drying up the rest of the damp, soapy condiments, Shadow rattled them back to where they needed to go before giving a quick wave and departing out the kitchen door; before he could hear anything like a response from the echidna he was gone out the front door and pulling his phone from out of his pocket.

XXX

It took him a few seconds to realise she'd stopped pacing into line with him; looking over his shoulder, Micah called back to his lagging partner,

"Hey Honey, what's keeping you? Shadow'll be waiting". For a second she didn't answer before there was a sudden snap and she straightened again, sighing as she shook her head,

"No he won't; just had a message through, says he can't make it tonight".

"Really", that was a shame; now he was convinced there was absolutely nothing going on between his girlfriend and the Mobian she had, after the manner in which he'd managed to obtain his own employment within the C.A, talked about non-stop for a couple of days, Micah had looked forwards to his bi-weekly stroll with Shadow almost as much as he did the massage classes themselves, "any idea why?"

"He never said; just said he wasn't going to make it and that could we tell Andy sorry for that", as she stepped back into line with Micah, the smaller echidna shrugged nonchalantly, "oh well, nice of him to let us know I guess – I'll see if I can find out why next week".

"Yeah", her partner mused after a second of mulling it over, "up to him I guess – he must have his reasons".

In this assumption Micha was in fact correct, but, as Shadow alternately walked and ran in the semi-tamed outskirts of wilderness between Echidnopolis and the rest of Angel Island, he could never have guessed, not even in his wildest imaginations, the actual reasons behind the hedgehog's deviation from his normal routine.

XXX

If Friday night had planted seeds in her mind, a weekend where she could have counted the number of words exchanged with her flatmate on one hand had more than amply watered them; it was almost another week where Shadow's presence within the house for the evening had lasted only long enough to grab something out the fridge and wave over his shoulder before darting out again had allowed it to take root and burst into bloom and that really got Julie's mind made up. She'd seen so little of her flatmate over the past couple of days that she decided she needed more Mobian contact and, she admitted privately, a chance to clear her air around her, get out of the four wall surrounding her; the flat was suddenly becoming less of a home for her and more of a residence – because Shadow was out so much now, earning the extra cash he had decided he needed, it was losing the tiny little quirks, the personality, that had made it feel like a home. Thus it was that, in order to try and preserve whatever social skills she may have had and try to stop the rot before it could develop any further, Julie made a quick phone call on Thursday night to give herself something to look forwards to the following day.

XXX

With a sigh, Julie brought her hands down from where they'd been tying up a wrap in one of her dreadlocks and rested them on the sink, looking at the rest of the bathroom reflected in the mirror, remembering how it had been here where she'd finally begun to pull herself clear of the Legion; and Shadow helped with that, so is he changing now, and if he is why's he changing – is it something I've done, or said? Thrusting such questions to the back of her mind for the moment, Julie quickly finished securing her hair in place and grabbed her bag from its place on top of the laundry basket, checking her watch as she did so – she'd said half-six, so she had more than enough time to get to the meeting she'd set up and, if she was honest, she wanted some fresh air, a breeze to try and stir up the oppressive, stifling feeling that seemed to have started infiltrating her life. Quickly scribbling a note on the table for when Shadow came in, Julie stretched one last time and headed for her door, pausing only to make sure it had locked behind her before taking in a deep breath and heading off towards the meeting she'd set up.

Luckily for her someone else had decided to arrive before time; pulling out her seat opposite her friend, the ex-Legionnaire sat down grateful for the rest, letting her bag drop softly to the floor as she relished the sensation of actually being around someone who didn't seem to always be looking for an excuse to leave all the time.

"Thanks for coming", she said, finally opening her eyes once more and regarding the bat before her, "it's a pleasure to finally see someone for more than a few seconds at a time at last".

"Ah, ah, ah", Rouge corrected her, wagging a finger with a playful smile on her lips, "no breaking the cardinal rule here Jules; order first, talk later. What are you having?" Plucking one of the menus from the centre of the table, the echidna scanned down the light snack and drinks part of it before shrugging her shoulders,

"Not sure, any recommendations? I've never been here before, how'd you…Charmy right?"

"Got it in one; God bless the buzz-boy's nose for a bargain", Rouge raised her currently empty glass in a toast to the aforementioned insect as Julie looked at the words before her again and made a quick choice; after all; she reasoned with herself as she handed the menu to the waiter who came over to collect their orders; it's not the food I'm really here for.

It was as the drinks were served that, having tried to size up the situation and, having gleaned nothing more than the fact that something was obviously troubling the augmented echidna before her, Rouge stocked her breath before taking the plunge and enquiring,

"So", Julie looked over, halfway towards taking her first sip, "how're things going?" Julie paused for a second before, with slow deliberation, placing her glass back onto the table top and starting to talk,

"Well, they should be absolutely swimming; not sure if you know, but last week, just before the weekend, there was a bit of an unscheduled broadcast?"

"Yeah, I heard about that from the Chaotix", with a warm smile the bat reached over and tapped her glass rim against the echidna's, "look out world, Julie-Su's a free woman now; I would have called earlier but you actually beat me to it", she added at the last defensively, not wanting to have appeared rude by not calling with earlier congratulations; to her concern, however, rather than a gleeful acceptance of her words, Julie instead let her head drop with a disappointed sigh,

"Free yeah; listen, I don't want to dump on you or anything, but there's something I need to get off my chest?"

"I had a feeling there was another motive to your call than just a casual chitchat", the bat said with a laugh before nodding for the echidna to continue, "was it Amy who said it was good to talk?"

"It would have been her if it was anyone", Julie commented before steeling herself to impart her news, deciding on a little background information first, "I should be over the moon right", she opened her hands expansively, trying to convey the sense of confusion that was prevailing in her mind at the moment as she explained the conundrum, "Enerjak himself, the biggest cheese in the Legion, the main Mobian himself, gets up and basically tells most of Echidnopolis the prats who had a go at me just got the slapping of a lifetime and I've got nothing else to worry about – come on, you'd have to be a complete depressive not to get high on that sort of news right?"

"I'd go with that", more to delay the moment and earn a second to think Rouge took a sip of her drink before asking the obvious question, "and, well, it's pretty obvious you're not ecstatic about this, because…?"

"In a word", a gruff, mirthless chuckle graced her next words as she shook her head, "Shadow".

What's he done?; that wasn't a word she'd been expecting – suddenly Rouge had every reason to be thankful for the frequent poker games she'd partaken of when herself and her husband had been invited down to Station Square, because it was only that experience at keeping a straight face that kept the fear squeezing her lungs and heart out of her expressions. Fighting hard to stop her hand trembling as she reached for her glass, the bat tried to fish a little further in what she hoped was a casual voice,

"Shadow – what's he been up to?" To her relief and consternation, rather than immediately break down into a tirade of woe about how she'd been either betrayed or abandoned, Julie gave another sad smile,

"That's just it – nothing; right, the night I got my news I was absolutely buzzing – no word of a lie, I must have been worse than Charmy on a sugar high", at the bat's shudder and expression of distaste, the ex-Legionnaire smiled and continued, "yeah, but this was, whoa, this was the news of my life and I was just completely gone; I get home before Shadow does, and okay, occasionally he's late in, but he didn't roll in this time until nearly quarter to ten and he looked", even now after this time, she couldn't think of the right word and had to settle for shaking her head, the image of Shadow's desolated face making her shiver even now.

"Any idea why?"

"No, and I didn't ask; he said he needed to crash out for the night and I just let him. But now I really wish I had, it might have been able to stop him going like he is now – completely and utterly quiet".

The choice of word was interesting; Rouge mulled over what it might mean for a couple of seconds and making a couple of slight conclusions before deciding to dig a little deeper before she went too far in her ideas,

"He's quiet? Babe, if that's your biggest problem you've got a gem there".

"Now normally I'd agree but this, no", the quiet conviction behind her denial made Rouge sit up and take note, pay close attention to her next words, "I barely saw him over the weekend, and he's working a ten-hour day – he says he wants some extra money in his pocket but I'm not so sure I believe that now. It's like everything he does is trying to avoid me; he's working late, and even when work's over he pretty much comes in, eats, has a shower and then goes straight to bed, I'm lucky to get a word in edgeways. Why's he like this, and why now of all times; I don't know if I've done anything or if it's something I've said, but I'd rather have him doing the temper tantrum thing than like this – it's just creepy him being so, so, disinterested". Slightly drained by that confession, Julie simply sat back; she'd done her bit by informing someone who was a lot better with people skills than she was of the developments and now it was all about waiting for her conclusions to the matter. Glancing up hopefully, Julie looked over the table to see her friend engrossed in what looked like deep thought, apparently trying to weigh something up before, after a minute's contemplation, she spoke,

"This, avoiding people – do you know if it's just you or is it everyone?" Julie opened her mouth to answer, closed it again, thought for a second and opened it again, this time with an answer,

"No, not for certain, but I don't know if he's contacted anyone else – have you or Knuckles heard from him recently?"

"No"; that was a point Rouge hadn't considered, in fact, the more she thought about this the more of a certain kind of logic she saw in it; don't think ahead – that's a possibility, just a possibility, you need more reconnaissance before you can say anything like that; "but that's just made our job easier - it's the first thing we've got to sort out", the bat declared, drawing up a battle plan and getting down to business, "if Shads is acting weird like you say he is, it's up to us to find out why", cheered by Rouge's suddenly challenging smile, the ex-Legionnaire felt for the first time in what felt like ages the competitive edge in her drawn and sharpened, "grab your gun Jules, we're going over the top". With a chuckle, Julie threw herself right into the thick of things,

"Okay, any idea what our battle plan is?"

"No, but", checking over her shoulder to follow the bat's eyes, Julie mimicked her lean backwards to allow the waiter a clear shot at the table, "that can wait until after the meal".

"Too right".

Amazing what a couple of hours can do isn't it?; how could she have been so silly – this wasn't a problem, it was a challenge to find out why Shadow was behaving so erratically, and then to hopefully put a stop to it. The plan was going into action tomorrow night; by next week Rouge would have a taste of Shadow as he was now if Julie kept the diary like she was supposed to; from there they could try and discuss the most likely causes and solutions to put into action. Heading for home, mood definitely lifted following more than a week of emotional drudgery, Julie had no idea that the idea she'd concocted with Rouge, good as it was, had a serious and disturbing kink heading its way.

Long before the diary could be written, things were going to come to an almost unbelievable, explosive head.

XXX

Not that it appeared this way at first; buoyed up by her conversation with her friend earlier, Julie rose on Saturday to find, to her not so very great surprise, Shadow was already gone – masking her annoyance with pleasant thoughts, she simply thrust all thoughts of the black hedgehog from her mind and picked up the paper she'd picked up the previous evening; okay, about two and a bit hours to get ready – even I should make that. Chuckling slightly, the echidna felt her small trickle of joy dry up slightly as she looked at the title again; though this particular film had caught her eye a little while ago, it looked like the sort of thing you shouldn't go to on your own and she'd been making these plans since before Shadow had decided to go completely stupid on her. Letting out a slight huff, Julie totted up her options before thrusting the paper down suddenly, mind made up – she wanted a good time, she was going to get it no matter what; flicking through her phone, she came to the number she needed and hit the call button. It dialled four times before the voice she wanted to hear burst through the end of it, so full of life and lightness it might have been beamed from another planet,

"Hey Jules, what's going on?" Somehow, not matter how down she was feeling, Charmy's voice always made her smile as she answered,

"That depends on you buzz-boy", rolling her eye down to double-check the time, Julie made her offer, "you free later, about midday?"

"No, sorry, got the morning shift this week and weekend"; damn, just my luck; "but I know a couple of the others are – why, what you after?"

"Some company; I want to see that new show down the Kinema, A Life More or Less Ordinary, just looks like a bit of a laugh".

"When's it showing?"

"The door I was after opens eleven forty-five".

"Okay, you show up then, one of us will be there"; wait, hang on a second; before Julie could connect thought to mouth however, the bee rang off with a cheerful, "see you" and hung up. Tempted for a moment to ring back and demand what he meant by that, Julie was stilled by basic experience; pointless asking him; after a second of resistance her smile cracked through her impassive mask completely and she snorted at the way the bee seemed to effortlessly break through to her every time; all you'll get are riddles and half-truths that'll drive you completely round the twist. Anyway, better start getting ready for my 'mystery date'!

Okay, mystery yes; Julie spotted who was coming half a mile off and realised immediately her half-hour or so of preparation had been completely unnecessary – though she was certain Vector must have had a great many hidden talents, she was equally sure a fashion sense wasn't one of them; date, definitely not. Grudgingly however, she gave a slight wave, catching the crocodile's eye as he speeded up in her direction, the soles of his battered and boat-like trainers flapping on the concrete with every step,

"So then, you the dame in need of a date?" He asked, dangling a lure for the echidna that she duly bit on,

"Yeah, that would be me", Julie asked innocently before suddenly trying to look around him, "he should be here any minute".

"Ha, ha very funny", the reptile snorted before becoming more business-like, settling onto his back foot and appearing to size the smaller Mobian up, "right then, onto business; my basic rate's four-fifty an hour, but due ta the fact yer a friend, I'll take half'a that after the first hour".

"Give you a 10p mix for the film and we're quits, how's that?"

"Fine by me", face brightening to reveal a display of wickedly sharp teeth, Vector gestured towards the picture house itself, falling into line beside Julie herself, "now, which one we actually seein' this time?"

A few hours later, the pair of them wandered out into the bright sunshine, blinking at the sudden light after such a prolonged period in darkness, Vector stretching out his long, lithe body and looking down to the side of him,

"So, how'd you find it?" Julie lifted one hand, waving it in mid-air as her face fell into an expression of nonchalance,

"So-so"; would have been better if it hadn't rung so true; that much was definitely right, the sultry story of a stormy, long-term relationship eventually blossoming into a real romance made her current circumstances all the more uncertain and, if she was honest, a little more scary, "but anyway, what are you up to now?"

"Gotta get back to the job; I'm takin' over after Charm this afternoon", the crocodile informed her before turning his massive snout towards her, "what about you?"

"Nothing much, bit of shopping", Julie answered non-committally before something in her pocket buzzed as he fingers brushed against it, "unless this is anything interesting". Looking away to grant her some privacy, Vector tried hard to tune out the sound of the echidna's voice as she answered her call,

"Yeah, not much going on, what about your end - how's Amy rattling on in her course", there was a pause, "really, that well huh; good for her", a slightly longer pause this time, "seriously; oh I bet she's going to pieces if she's anything like me; she is, oh dear – wait, what can I do?" This time the pause was broken by a sudden, excited exclamation, "okay, when? Tuesday, yeah, nothing going on; you bet, looking forwards to it – say hi to Cream and everyone else for me – okay, see you then, bye". Looking around as he heard a sharp click behind him, Vector felt his spirits lift slightly as he saw Julie sudden smile; thought she was looking a bit down in the dumps earlier;

"Good news?"

"You bet", Julie beamed as she slid her phone away, already thinking about how she could use this unexpected bonus to the best advantage, "looks like I might actually get to live with someone for a couple of hours this Tuesday".

XXX

His thoughts were fleeting now, sitting on the mound of earth where it had all begun; as he'd expected, the first twinges of isolation were beginning to twang through his conscience but he dispelled them, a singular reminder of what awaited him if he allowed his emotions to govern his head enough to quash those rogue ideas. Taking a slight breath and sigh to clear his head, Shadow let his body relax, closing his eyes to allow himself to be lulled away to a state resembling sleep, a meditative trance where nothing changed, nothing could break through and send roots into him that would one day turn into nooses and strangle his heart; just the way it needs to be. Quiet in his isolation, Shadow allowed time to pass around him at its own pace, as he knew it would for as far as his mind would stretch, unaware, perhaps blissfully, of the clash of realities that was awaiting him and the fallout that would result from it.

XXX

Work, eat, sleep, work, eat and sleep; though it was definitely making sure he didn't have the time to fall into wayward traps, as he just about summoned the energy to open his front door Shadow had to admit it was a tiring way of life, and he was only a little over a week into it. But that's good; a weary smile spread across his face as he realised how terrifying the alternative was; the more bushed I am, the less chance there is of…huh, oh Julie must be home; as the handle slid down easily under his touch, that was the first rational explanation to why his apartment was unlocked, and probably the most likely to be correct. Opening his front door and stepping inside, the hedgehog took a step forwards and stretched off, sucking in a deep yawn to supply his brain with the oxygen it was going to need to get to bed tonight,

"Hi Shadow", suddenly the supply feed was cut; breath caught fast in his throat the former ultimate life-form rolled his appalled eyes downwards to the source of the greeting, "long time no see".

"Uhh", it was a few minutes before he could force anything like enough respiration out of his lungs to attempt an answer, "yeah, you got that right Cream".

What's she doing here?; the question buzzed around Shadow's mind, distracting part of his mental resources from the main struggle to keep himself on the straight and narrow he needed to make sure he was going to save himself. But this was Cream; despite the fact she'd done a little growing up in the few months since he'd seen her last, so much so that she was just starting to lose her adorable little girl factor to the fullness of imminent pubescence, there was still a winning, cheerful aspect in her that was clawing its way over his barriers – somehow her face, her warm, cinnamon eyes were so tempting, so inviting him to just come out from behind his cover and confess everything. He resisted, but as she held his gaze, smiling expectantly, he could feel the throne he'd set himself upon starting to fray and crumble; he gripped the sides of it, a sickening lurch in the pit of his stomach surely preceding the falling back into the world of his own eventual damnation.

"Oh, hey Shads", never had he been so grateful for Tails' voice; the sound from behind her made Cream look away for a second, a vital second that allowed him to get his emotions back under control where they belonged, "Jules is just out getting a couple of odds and ends, leant us your key and said you'd be in late; how's the extra hours going?"

"Oh, er, they're good"; gotta get out of here; perhaps individually he could have coped, but the pair of them together were too much for him to handle; the only option he had was to flee, regather his wits and convince himself again that this was the way, the only way he'd come out of this unscathed, "just getting a little more pocket money, you know the sort of thing?"

"You bet", luckily Cream didn't seem to have noticed the hedgehog had moved inconspicuously towards her while she'd had her back turned, "I keep trying to get a rise out of mum but she's got hold of the purse strings tight".

"As well she should have"; good, you just keep talking; Shadow silently pleaded as Cream snapped her eyes onto the foxboy over her shoulder as Tails smirked, "right little spendthrift you are – if it were up to you the Cyclone would be gold-plated and come with every optional extra under the sun".

"And it should do", the rabbit retorted tartly, glancing to her front once more, "right…"; eh, where'd he go?; a flicker out the corner of her eye made her realise with a jolt that Shadow was pretty much on a par with her in the hallway now, "…Shadow?"

"Yeah, of course", he quickly agreed, sparing Tails the merest of glances before looking down at his watch, eyebrows raising in 'surprise', "Oh no, sorry guys, I gotta make a move".

"Move; you only just got here", Tails checked his own watch in astonishment at this declaration, perturbed both by the ebon hedgehog's frantic pace and, from his point of view, apparent twitchiness; as if I hadn't got enough of that already. That much was certainly true; with Cream's test due at the end of next week he'd been running virtually daily flying lessons with her and her nerves at the prospect of such a monumental task were evident in even her normally sweet temper being markedly sour at times, "where are you off to?"

"Just, a couple of guys from work"; this doesn't sound right; as Shadow muffled the next part of his explanation in a couple of handfuls of cold water Tails felt his finely honed nose for problems tingling, "organised a bit of a night out, gotta jet off or I'll miss them".

"Even you?" Shadow dragged the towel roughly down his face as he heard Cream's voice, though the laugh at the end of it mitigated his worry somewhat, "man, they must be running a tight ship".

"Especially if you haven't got a few spare seconds, to say something", Tails added, hoping to remind the hedgehog's lax memory of Cream's date by frantically gesturing towards the rabbit in front of himself; to his shock and discomfort however, Shadow appeared to remain oblivious,

"You bet they run a tight ship; believe me if you don't run like clockwork up here you've had it", checking his watch again, the hedgehog made to move through the front door, trying to disengage himself with a smile that to Tails looked a little too wide, too thinly stretched, "sorry to leave you like this, But I, I gotta move".

"Okay then", a strange twisting sensation grabbed hold of the fox's chest as that voice filtered into his ears; Cream's voice seemed to have shrunk as she answered her elder friend, "well, have a good night Shads". Taking a step forwards, the rabbit spread her arms wide, ready to say a premature and rushed goodbye.

XXX

If it had been awful before, this was pure torture; Shadow had to screw his eyes shut as almost every part of him screamed at him to grab the golden ticket – he could just take Cream's offer, break down in her arms and hang what would happen next. And he wanted to, he so wanted to do just that; his enamel would have splintered if he'd gritted his teeth any harder, exercising every ounce of his will as he forcibly reminded himself what would happen if he sated that urge; everything would crumple like a house of cards and he'd be left alone in the ashes and ruins of what had once been. He knew this would hurt, had always known that, but even then the phantom knife cut deep enough to carve a slice out of his heart; everything seemed to have been dipped in treacle, slowing him down, holding him close to the source of his agony as he tried to spin on his heel, his left leg rose and fell in front of his right with all the speed of a tectonic plate shifting about the earth's crust, the door was like trying to open a sealed coffin lid, the struggle taking everything from him; suddenly it gave – staggering outside, the hedgehog drew in some much needed air and ran, properly began to run, hoping to turn the world into a blend of blurs, let himself get lost in the shadows outside of everyone else, barely able to see anything through the tears in his eyes.

XXX

Julie barely saw it coming and had even less time to dodge; it was luck and luck alone that prevented the knick-knacks she'd stocked up on decorating the lobby of the apartment block as she frantically hurled herself out the path of the steam train heading her way. Just about catching her breath and the descending bag, the ex-Legionnaire swore violently under her breath at the bang from behind her, the apartment block door swinging shut with a crash. Jesus, what was…; the blood drained from her face, chilling her skin as she had to hug her purchases more tightly to her to disguise her suddenly shaking hands; …oh, I know just what that was – please, he can't have hurt them; she knew Shadow couldn't raise a hand against either of the younger Mobians but, in these times of uncertainty and doubt in the Mobian she had thought she knew, what did her certainties count for now?

XXX

Even as the wind of the hedgehog's slipstream stung at his eyes, Tails couldn't bring himself to blink; he merely stood there gawping at the insanity of what had just happened; Shadow, he just ran away – why would he run away from us? A shiver from in front of him made him refocus his attention; the tip of his pink tongue raced across his lip as he became aware of Cream's shoulders shaking – the hedgehog's sudden, inexplicable rebuking of their presence must have affected the rabbit's sensitive, sweet nature far worse than his more clinical, scientific one; this time, you have got to say the right thing;

"Cream", he took half a nervous step forwards, stretching out his hand to place it on her trembling shoulder, "Cream, listen to me; it's all going to be alright – Shadow's probably…" He tailed off, struck suddenly dumb as the rabbit suddenly turned around, the strain showing on her face as she tried to hide her hurt under a smile, fight back the tears in her eyes under a parade of nonchalance; a plaster trying to stitch together a torn artery,

"I know", even her voice was wrong; suddenly Tails found himself mentally cursing the black hedgehog, something he'd thought impossible for him to contemplate a few mere hours ago, "he, he just had to get off, see his friends, right? He…", she was breaking and Tails couldn't bear to see it – impulses far older than he was governed his actions, directing him to gently bring the girl into his body and forget the awkwardness such a situation was sure to generate; for now it was all about her, "…he's just g,getting an early start, right?"

"Of course he is", along among all his bodily functions his voice was soothing and serene, "you know what he's like; if he says he's going to do something, he gets it done quick; he just wanted a head start, that's all. Come on", as the rest of him jangled under a conflict of fear, confusion and perhaps a little completely unexpected excitement at the sudden circumstances, his independent voice injected a note of gently chiding humour into itself, "don't be silly; it's just Shadow being Shadow". For a second he held his breath, just crossing his fingers and hoping he'd done enough to stem the flow; a soft pressure on his shoulder sent his heart leaping into his throat before he relaxed slightly; nothing's wet, she's not crying – bloody hell Shadow; the most important part of his work dealt with, Tails was now able to divert some of his attention to the circumstances that had led to this; you nearly made Cream cry – what the hell is wrong with you?

A sudden thunderclap echoed throughout the apartment; he and Cream both jumped together and apart, looking around wildly as their heart rates spiralled upwards; luckily Tails, being the slightly more coherent of the pair of them, managed to piece together what must have happened first, from the way the front door was now shuddering back to the frame, the way Julie was regarding them both with eyes radiating both horror and relief at the same time as hugging her chest as though fighting to keep her lungs from bursting through her ribcage.

"For a second, everyone was too out of breath from either exertion or start to speak, before everyone started off together,

"You two…"

"Shadow, he just ran out…"

"He's okay isn't he…?"

"…took off like a bat out of hell…"

"…he didn't hurt you, you're both okay?"

"…he looked so upset, so afraid…"

"…said he was going to meet some people, friends".

"…I'm not that scary am I, Ms Su?"

"No, no of course not", trying to listen to at least two conversations at once, Julie's oft-maligned maternal instinct was her salvation; realising instinctively that Cream looked to be on the verge of tears, the echidna dropped to one knee, putting a hand on the younger Mobian's shoulder and smiling with a confidence she couldn't really feel, "you're a very pretty little girl – pay no attention to him Cream, Shadow's just got…issues, at the moment"; and he'll have one more the second his black hide crawls through that door next; choking back her anger for the moment, the ex-Legionnaire took a breath an tried to point out the positives – Shadow was gone and he'd quite literally left the babies in her hands, but they were unhurt, just a little shaken up by what had happened; like I can blame them for that – I'm shaken and I wasn't even here when it all kicked off.

"Listen kid, you as well Tails", checking for half a second to see if the fox was lending her an ear, Julie tried to rearrange her thoughts to try and present a truthful but positive picture as she tried to explain to the pair of them what was going on, "nothing you did was anything to do with what happened; Shadow's having, well, he's having a few problems at the minute – trying to take on a bit too much, got a lot of stress on his mind, that sort of thing, so he's on a short fuse. You pair probably just startled him, it got a bit too much and he needed some space". Come on, please believe me here; that was all she really wanted to say, but Julie knew that Tails especially had an uncanny knack for sifting truth from fiction; as she saw him scratch and ear with his face betraying his brain working, she feared the worst,

"So why didn't he tell anyone? Sonic's been going mad – every time he tried to call all he gets is answer-phone, and…"

"…he's never around when he tries to call here, I know", this new evidence made Julie's mind up – not only had Shadow been avoiding her all week, he'd lied to her as well; he told me he was calling Sonic on his mobile; that betrayal was a hot knife to her system, goading her into even deeper anger and setting the course of her action in stone, "listen Tails, and you Cream, now you know about this; are you staying up here tonight?"

"No, this was just a pop in before we headed off".

"Right, well I'm going to sort this out, tonight", Julie stood tall, purpose infusing her as she gave a single nod to confirm her intent, "I think it might be best if you two weren't on Angel Island when that happened, because unless Shadow's got an impeccable explanation as to why he's been acting up like this there are going to be some serious fireworks!"

XXX

Somewhere, somehow, Shadow came to a juddering halt, the breath in his throat hot and sticky as he collapsed onto a nearby street corner bench, trying to replace the wall that had so recently been undermined by Cream's innocent and completely unreserved kindness and love. That nearly had me; for the merest second Shadow had been dragged to the edge of the precipice – the door to eventual nothingness had opened a crack and let him see beyond, now it was taking all the force of his mind and more to pull it shut again. Over and over though, he slipped on the images underfoot, the sight of Cream's agonised, dumbstruck face and, just behind that, the astonishment written over Tails expressions and that burned him internally; damn I knew this would hurt, but does it have to hurt them as well? Rubbing his hand against his face, the hedgehog went through the same old lines, how necessary what he was doing was to him, how it would prevent his eventual decline and weakening as the years past and once more, after a longer and more torturous struggle than before it was true, but eventually he was himself once more, on the right track again. Lost in time, he looked around to see with some discomfort that the only noticeable light around was being shed by nearby streetlights – it was late and there was a definite nip in the air, enough to make him shiver through his fur as he picked himself up, muscles complaining after being held still for so long. With a last, regretful sigh at the way ahead of him, the tussles he had yet to endure, Shadow flicked his eyes to the path that had brought him here and began to retrace his steps towards home.

The hole in the pit of Shadow's stomach yawned into an abyss as he pushed open the door he'd so recently rocketed through; though the reason he had was sound, the mental picture snapshot he'd been forced to take, the expression of abject pain on Cream's face just as he turned away wrenched his heart cruelly, dragging him down into layers of wretchedness he hadn't considered existing before now. All he wanted to do now was crawl into bed and try to sleep what he'd done away, let the time he had so much of flow over him and erode the pain away. Kicking off his shoes, heedless as they knocked into the wall beside him with a couple of thuds, the hedgehog started the trek towards the lounge, looking only to roll out the sleeping bag draped over the back of one of the chairs and turn in. It was only as he rounded the corner and beheld the scene before him that with a dizzying sense of vertigo he realised that wasn't going to happen.

Sitting on the settee like a smouldering volcano, Julie-Su was waiting sloe-eyed and dangerous, curled up like a hell-cat as her blazing, murderous gaze swept over him. Shadow could only close his eyes, trying to prepare himself as best he could for the inevitable interrogations by squirreling away the most important knowledge he had to a secure segment of his mind, as the echidna stood up, dreadlocks almost crackling with tension as she took a step forwards, voice preceding her like the scream of jet boosters usually announced Metal Sonic's immanent arrival,

"Ah, Shadow", at least; some fatalistic voice whispered in the back of Shadow's mind; this might be a good time – end it now, while she's angry – less to explain, less pain all around; "have a good night?"

XXX

He kept up his cheerful wave until he was sure Vanilla had stewarded her daughter inside; the second the front door to the rabbit's home swung shut, however, that was a different story. Throwing himself into the Tornado and slamming the door behind him, Tails left his normally sweet nature to one side for the moment and hammer the steering wheel; how could Shadow do something like that? Cream's test barely a week away, a perfect landing on Angel Island to get the pair of them there followed by an impromptu driving lesson through the tranquil streets of Echidnopolis, only to find that travesty of a welcome waiting for them. Blinded by his anger for a second, Tails didn't think about reasoning through Shadow's actions, trying to see what was causing them; unusually for someone with such a genial psyche, the fox thought only of payback; and don't I know who can deliver just that? A wolfish smile broke over his face as the face of the one person other than Vanilla who thought the absolute world of Cream bounced into his head and, a second later, his hand whistled down to where his phone was held snugly by the side of his driver's seat.

XXX

"You've got some explaining to do".

"No", he really didn't want to handle this right now, "not now Julie, I…"

"Forget you, in fact I'm trying really hard not to think about you at the minute", the echidna told him coldly, advancing towards him until they were less than an arms-length apart, "all I'm interested in is why the guests I invited in, I entertained and I left, perfectly happy, to pick up a drop of milk and a couple of packets of biscuits, were a hair's breadth away from tears by the time I got back".

"I told them", the hedgehog said defensively, twisting his body slightly as Julie narrowed her eyes in disgust, "I was going to meet some people and I was running late".

"Who were they?" Thought so; she was roused to ire once more by the sudden flash of shock across the hedgehog's face, the momentary glimpse of panic that all but confirmed his previous lie, "give me three names, these friends of yours – you've been seeing them a lot, you should be word perfect".

"Err", this was completely unexpected; caught off-guard, Shadow could do nothing but stutter and look blank, "they, ah, there's…"

"Cut the crap – they don't exist; rule number one of trying to lie to someone, at least think through what you're going to say before you actually tell it", there was no mirth in Julie's words, this was a factual lesson, "rule number two is swap stories occasionally – if you'd actually had these friends, they'd probably be as sick of the sight of you as I am right now".

"Fine, there's no-one", Shadow shrugged, voice dropping both tone and volume to become a soft, dangerous purr, "I've just been running a lot".

"Running? Right, let me get this straight", Julie took a step back, almost recoiling at the clinical venom in his voice, "so now to you, Tails and Cream, people you've known for years since before you were up here and who helped you get here in the first place, they're no longer as important to you as getting a few laps around the block?"

"Of course not…" Julie gave an ugly, toneless laugh,

"Must be; you just proved that earlier…" a shrill beeping from behind her disrupted her tirade, robbing her head of steam out from under her – tempting though it was, Julie couldn't ignore the trilling of the phone, "…wait there, I am in no way finished with you yet". Spinning on her heel, the echidna stalked back towards the television and hit the green button by the side of it.

XXX

That could have been a lot worse; the temporary reprieve was grabbed with both hands and gulped down with all the speed he could muster – before Julie had even received the call Shadow had replaced his weakened mental bulwarks, rechecked his story and folded his arms, every aspect of himself geared towards resistance, of rejecting the sights before him. A second later, however, as the screen burst into life and Julie stepped smartly to the side, that resistance was quickly put to the test as Amy's apocalyptic gaze smashed against him,

"Shadow, there you are", the sight of her; the enemy was already inside the gates – visions of the pink hedgehog and all she'd done, everything she'd conquered and the hell she'd gone through to do it undermined his pinnacle of isolation, "I just got a call from Tails; he said that he and Cream were in your apartment not four hours ago and that you came in and then ran out again; no hello, no goodbye, no good luck, nothing – she was nearly in tears for god's sake. What's going on with you at the minute; you're impossible to get hold of any time of the day or night, Julie said you've applied for stupid amounts of overtime and…"

"Hey Ames, wait a sec"; oh no; the one Mobian, the only one in the entire world who could have made the fight any harder put his hand on Amy's shoulder; the second he glanced away was more than priceless as it allowed Shadow to frantically scrabble for purpose, picture what it would be like when Sonic vanished, how he'd be at a loss to cope with that, then those jade eyes fixed him again and he wilted. Anger and confrontation he could handle; his entire strategy was based around avoiding or outlasting someone in a conflict, but there was no way such a policy could cope with compassion. Not compassion, and certainly not pity,

"Shads man", the voice was pain incarnate; it would be so easy now, he could picture himself simply answering, confessing all and forgetting the rest until later, when it would be too late, "what's going on; you know us, you know what we've done together, you haven't forgotten that right? So easy; he was almost in a trance, the entirety of his world encapsulated by the two large white circles now appeared on the surface of the monitor screen; so, easy, just to let it go…

"I", the words choked him up completely, he took a half-step forwards and pulled back at the same time, resulting in a stumble that brought him to an ungainly halt, barely able to raise his head through the lump of lead in his throat, "I…c,can't, no". With his last strength, the very end of his resistance he listened to the certainties, ripping himself away from the view of Sonic's fingertips with a pain that was very nearly physical. As it had before time blurred around him, only this time he barely had the energy to run, or to move at all; as such, his escape attempt left him barely feet away, vulnerable and shivering at the trauma of trying to leave the world he knew behind.

XXX

Only then, as Shadow had tried to run away this time, just as his face had fallen completely had she seen it, and the discovery shocked her badly; it took seconds for her to understand the signals Shadow had been virtually radiating, and even after that event another couple of long, long, milliseconds passed before she truly believed it. He's not running because he hates us, or he wants to run – it's nothing like that; the mere idea of what her next thought must be was enough to make her skin pucker and send shivers racing all over her body; he's running because, because he's afraid. But that couldn't be right, it simply couldn't; what did she have that he could possibly be afraid of, or as an even better example, why did he have a cause to be concerned about Cream, who'd never threatened anyone or anything in her life? Shaking her head, dislodging those thoughts for a moment, Julie flashed a glance sideways to see the same realisation dawn on the faces of the other two hedgehogs, though in Sonic's case that realisation of the truth was drown out somewhat by the agony of rejection written in bold all over his face. Amy too was suffering to a lesser extent and it was that vision which tipped the balance; I've already seen one of my girl-friends hurt today, I'm not going to see a second suffer the same way;

"You two, don't worry", without consciously thinking about what she was doing Julie darted in front of the screen, standing before the hedgehogs in Station Square and diverting there attention from what had just gone before, "I'm sorting this out, right now. I'll keep you posted; bye". She hung up after that, partly because she didn't want to look at the pain etched deeply on two faces she'd become so familiar and friendly with but primarily because she was hungry for the truth; so close, she could not be denied now. But nor could she be interrupted; quickly reaching down and yanking the telephone wire out of its socket, the ex-Legionnaire paused for a second before throwing it down to her feet and taking off, following in the direction Shadow had fled.

She didn't have far to go; the kitchen door was ajar and beyond that she could clearly see the silhouette of the hedgehog sat down at the table, hands tightly clasped as though in prayer. The anger was gone for now, still present but contained; this was time to use a scalpel rather than a sledgehammer to get to the truth; slowly sliding in through the open door, Julie moved cautiously to the opposite end of the table to where Shadow was sat with his eyes tightly screwed shut; her heartbeat was certain to alarm him so loud did it ring in her own ears, but by some miracle he remained oblivious until she was in position; lowering her hands onto the table, Julie took a last deep breath and leant forwards, her voice unlike the rest of her calm and collected,

"What's going on Shadow?"

XXX

Much as he would have loved to stop himself speaking, there was no way he could hold it inside any more; tearing himself out of that room, away from Sonic and Amy as well had been as painful as any amputation and the shock and dreadful guilt were only just now starting to kick in. Shadow looked up, sliding his hands down his face to see Julie regarding him, the concern in her expression the last factor that broke straight through,

"Why are you doing this?" She carried on speaking as he tried to muster the energy to answer, "you've never acted like this before; it's like you're trying to push everyone away, lock yourself up in your own little world. I don't understand…"

"You can't", even he was a little surprised as Julie stopped talking, his barely whispered words enough to still her tongue and allow him to continue, "no-one can understand".

"Understand what?"; she has to know now; Shadow's fatalistic streak spoke to him as he kept his gaze level on Julie's face; if nothing else maybe it'll let her see the way things have to be;

"Understand", Shadow repeated the word monotonally, unable to even use emotions now as pain dulled his senses, "understand the fact that, that I can't have them around me; Sonic, Cream, you, no, I can't do that any more Julie-Su – I can not get close to people, to anyone, not now, not ever".

Once more, as it had the last time her grand ideas and dreams had been blown to dust and trickled uselessly through her fingers, Julie's mind preserved her emotions by shutting them down for now. Blotting out the spear that had ripped out most of her internal organs, the echidna let nothing show on her face save a single shudder, closing her eyes for a second before, unable to really retreat because she didn't know what she was removing herself from, she began trying to collect more information,

"I see", her voice must have been as colourless as her face, "but why not?"

"Because, some day, none of you are going to be there any more, and I'm just going to be left on my own. Then it'll just happen again; I'll meet new people, get to know them, maybe love them, and they'll be gone as well", the hedgehog shivered, breaking away from that cycle with a concerted mental effort, "I just can't do that".

"Why not? People move on all the time Shadow; you either move on or you stagnate and die".

"I'm immortal".

XXX

The larger man had stood ahead of him, the computer screens all around him humming merrily as they filtered the data inputted to formulate the answer the scientist wanted to solve the problem he had now. Standing back a little way, aware of a presence behind him but ignoring it for the minute, he watched on also, as intent as the man he knew so well but could not name, for he knew the question was centered upon him, would have a bearing on him for the rest of his life. Suddenly the incessant beeping stopped; reaching forwards, the human ripped off one of the most recent print-outs and scanned it at the same time he felt a gnawing sensation in the pit of his stomach – this was it, the answer to all the tests he'd been put through, the reason he had the powers he did,

"Well", he recognised his own voice, distorted as though an echo in his own mind, "what does it say?" He was not answered for a moment, the human before his stroking one side of his moustache as if considering what to say next,

"Shadow, you may need to sit down for this".

"Why?" There was a pressure on his shoulder, a comforting touch to relieve some of his internal worry as the voice over his head carried on speaking, "what's wrong grandfather?" The man ahead of him gave a sigh before looking at him once more, trying to see into the hedgehog's eyes,

"Well, according to this, the Chaos power you are imbued with is stronger, far stronger, than anyone predicted, even my most optimistic estimates have been wildly exceeded – that's why we've not needed to stick to the regime so much".

"Surely that's good though", Shadow argued, as to him it made sense that it was – less disruption all around, less pain for him and, most importantly, for her as well…

"It has its advantages", the human conceded before giving another shake of his head, something like concern and maybe even pity in his eyes as he continued, "but there is a downside to this Shadow; the Chaos power within you is constantly and consistently rejuvenating your biological systems, preventing stresses from building up and, through that, the aging process itself", just as the words began to sink in, the touch on his shoulder growing in strength, a rock to anchor him as the scientist rubbed the bald spot on his fringe, a sure sign he was agitated, "Shadow, as far as I can tell, you're not growing older, the Chaos power is keeping you at the same state you were when you first opened your eyes; maybe this effect will decrease with time, but until then, a later date when I can get some harder evidence, my hypothesis has to be that, unless something radical happens you are quite possibly going to live forever".

He remembered nothing else, least of all his own reactions to this news, though he couldn't imagine them being much different from the ones he was having at the moment; ever since Enerjak had released that memory from his subconscious mind he had been enslaved by it, the need to somehow mitigate the effects of the knowledge that he could quite literally go on until the end of time itself. It had been hard, and it could only get harder, as his next words proved,

"That's the reason Julie", he spoke as the mnemonic mist cleared from his vision, "that's why I have to be like I am now; I know that everyone I care about, everyone I grow close to, is going to pass away before my eyes and all I'm going to be left with is the guilt – the guilt that I can't follow them, that I survived when they couldn't. And that'll kill me in the end – I can't go…"

His next words were robbed from him by a lack of breath; something had just smashed straight into his face and sent a blur of colours straight through his brain, dancing in swirling patterns as a strange sense of movement, of vertigo, assailed his stomach. For what seemed like a long time, even for an immortal such as he, the state remained them same; it ended abruptly, an impact sending stars to burst in front of his vision, adrenaline alone forcing him backwards as, finally, pain began to pulse in ravaging waves from his face, from where he'd been hit. What the…?; his startled mind couldn't even begin to compute what had just happened; it was only the half-growled sob that began to set the ball rolling and put the pieces together to understand what had just happened,

"How the hell, could you be that selfish?"

XXX

His words had set her rage alight once more; unlike Knuckles, who had kept his anguished explanations to an absolute minimum and, following them, offered only aid, a package that had completely prevented her tortured emotions expressing themselves as an eruption of grief-fuelled anger, Shadow's deadpan preaching did the exact opposite. Almost murderous wrath that Shadow, the same Mobian who had picked her up when she'd been at her lowest ebb of all, help her get back on her feet and even hold her hand when she'd almost lost herself following Xenin's spiteful assault on her freedom, could now just turn around and show himself to be so two-faced that he could say words like that without even considering their effect, swept over her. She wasn't even thinking about what she was saying; some otherworldly force was putting words in her mouth and, like a cannon hungry for ammunition, she was unloading round after round on the hedgehog before her, spitting them with as much force as she'd delivered the punch that had sent him sprawling to his current position, hunched against the kitchen wall,

"How could you do that?", her trembling finger indicated the lounge, the recent communication with his friends on the world below, "how in god's name could you even consider abandoning them; after everything they've done for you, you're just going to completely cut them dead and walk out, no explanation, no apology, nothing? Did you even think about them, did for one second you even give a passing thought to their feelings, what they'd think about you just suddenly giving them nothing but a few words whenever you bump into them?" His silence confirmed his guilt; his completely expressionless face, wiped completely clean with shock made Julie realise this was territory the hedgehog hadn't even thought existed, let alone considered exploring and her ire rose in accordance, elevating her to some state of niranvic release, so angry she could think and see things with absolute crystal clarity. And with this clarity, she chose her words, slowly and deliberately, to inflict as much pain and heartache on the cowering hedgehog before her as he had on, not just her, but everyone else he'd known and completely rebuffed,

"You say you're immortal, you've got a memory of it", she had seen that from the way he'd been looking into the far distance as he'd spoken, just before she'd come within a hairs-breadth of breaking his nose, "well did it not occur to you, not even for a single second, that you actually knew someone who could have helped you, who already knew what it was like to live with something like that? No, of course not; because you're so desperate to be on your own and shut everyone out, you completely stop thinking about anyone other than yourself, and because of that you forget the fact that two of your former friends are already coping with a problem similar to yours; how do you think Knuckles feels every day – Rouge told me he knows he's going to live a lot longer than she is, how can he cope with seeing her every day knowing that eventually she'll pass away? You could have asked him for advice, but no, Shadow Hedgehog, he can't do that and ask anyone for help, he's got to do it on his own…"

"Stop". It was a ghostly whisper, Shadow finally had some life back in his slackened face; Julie only saw that as both an opportunity and a challenge; he's listening, now really get the point across;

"…so he stops everything like a normal life and goes dead – well it worked. How long did you say you spent with Sonic, trying to get your memories back – nearly two years? Well, that was two years you both wasted; if you'd have known this before you could have told him what was going to happen and just cut him off then, before he got involved with Amy and you had to burn her too…"

"Stop"; he couldn't even raise his hands to cover his ears and Julie was absolutely merciless by now,

"…but that never happened, so you had to get involved with him, and Tails as well, without whom you'd never have got here in the first place, before deciding in your infinite wisdom that you can't bear to have them close to you because your precious future matters a lot more than their piffling emotions. Well news for you; your plan worked a treat with Tails – I doubt he'll ever talk to you again after you just ran out on him completely, and that's nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to what you did to Cream…"

"Stop"; he couldn't think about Cream, that was just too painful – the rabbit girl's face, just seen out the corner of his eye when he'd spun to go, burst right in front of his face, it's mournful, heart-broken look ripping right into his heart and leaving a hole as bloody and agonising as the one he must have torn in hers. But still the echidna's voice didn't slacken; there was to be no respite,

"…short of carving a wooden cross and banging the nails into her hands and feet I don't think you could have done any more to hurt her; that girl loved you Shadow, she loves everyone, like everyone else her age – it's people like you that kill that sort of love, people like you who destroy warm, loving Mobians like her, turn them into cynical, hard-bitten bitches like me. And I've had more than my fair share of this new, care about no-one attitude…"

"Stop!"

"…for the past fortnight near enough I've had to live with a complete non-entity; I tried everything to break through to you and you just didn't want to know. And of course, your sense of timing is second to none", a wicked smile split her lips, "you probably don't know, or now care, but the night you came back so late was the same night I got the best news of life – the Legion pretty much said I was free, Enerjak himself came on in an all-channel broadcast and said there was no reason to be afraid for echidnas who've left the Legion. I was all over the place with excitement, never felt like that before, then you came in three or four hours late and decided on your new, don't want anything life. The best news of my life", her eyes hardened, the smile curdling into something rancidly sweet and all the more poisonous for that, "and you ruined it, completely, because it didn't matter to you".

That was all she said, all she needed to say; she could tell that by the way Shadow's forehead fell defeated to his knees that nothing else she said would register – he'd taken as much as he could physically and mentally soak up, anything else would just wash over him like water over a sodden sponge. In that moment, with rage still completely clearing her head, Julie knew what her next logical step had to be and, not deigning to spare the wretched creature that had once been her flatmate huddled by the kitchen door a single glance, she swept past and out of the door towards the bedroom.

XXX

He was falling, falling and knew he'd never stop, he didn't deserve to stop plunging into this pit of utter, horrified despair; the rose-tinted glasses lying shattered by his feet, broken completely by Julie's hard, harsh and completely true words, the hedgehog had no choice but to see the world he had tried to create in all it's twisted, terrifying glory. A place of drab greys and colourless swirls compounded in a picture of abject misery by the fact he was shut off from everything and everyone else; he walked alone in this place of empty souls and wrecked dreams, the rest of the world a blur all around him as he had sealed himself off from it. Faces he had once known now turned away from him in disgust, floating away and preventing him from taking one exit from this dead, decaying state of mind. They'll hate me, because I wanted them to; now in the cold, harsh light of the truth, Shadow could see just how right Julie had been, how completely and utterly wrapped up in himself he had become to put himself before anyone else; I wanted them to stop caring about me, the same way I tried to stop caring about them. A shudder ran right through him, the ghostly spear impaling him in a wave of guilt and self-recrimination – he, he of all people had committed the cardinal sin, he who had taken so much, had so many reasons to be so grateful for them all, had turned his back on his friends and walked away from them.

A distant, booming echo filled his ears and he looked up, a glance and no more; suddenly he was moving, clawing his way back up the pit he had so recently slid down so hard he almost felt pain in his fingernails. He couldn't feel motivation from the emotions of love, or care for at that moment he was unworthy of them; what energised him at that moment was sheer desperation; that if what happened next came to pass there would be no hope for him to even consider recovering. Lurching upright, lumbering towards the hallways and crashing into the wall, Shadow kept his wild eyes trained on the one thing that eclipsed all the light in his world; the sight of the bag held in Julie's left hand, the last hope of his redemption threatening to leave, was enough to make him move towards a final, doomed last attempt to make her stay. She was being delayed by the door, he could still make this – reaching forwards, one last attempt to breach over the gulf he'd made,

"Don't touch me", the portcullis smashed down coldly, piercing his aching, needy fingers; Julie finished unlocking the door and stepped outside, not hearing the desperate mewl of the hedgehog behind her as she looked over her shoulder towards him, hand on the handle, face coldly accusing, expressionless, "well, this is what you wanted Shadow – a world with no-one in it but you, and now you've got it, I hope you're happy. Goodbye". With that last, curt dismissal, Julie shut the door, not a slam, but a slow, controlled closing with all the respect, and the finality, of a coffin lid closing.

XXX

For a long time, Shadow just stood there, not daring to do anything other than breathe and blink; goodbye; how often had he heard that one little word, but never before had it cut so deep, or with so much pain; Christ, that hurt. He couldn't remember thinking what to do next, or the exact point he had decided to go to bed, but it just seemed like the natural thing to do; air rattling in and out of his lungs, barely seeing where he was going through the shock rebounding over what had just happened to shatter the world he'd thought was perfect for everyone, the way that should have allowed him to live so serenely; but then; shame and self-recrimination burned through him, fuelling his disgust with himself as he realised how callous he'd been, how undeserving of his friend's he'd proved himself to be. So caught up in the singeing sensation of his eyes, Shadow failed even to kick of his shoes and flumped down on the bed fully clothed, pulling the covers up over his body and sinking down into the duvet, the only source of comfort he could see he had now. Or at least, he did until something in his nose sent another wave of self-hatred coursing through him; in his unforgiving haze of virtual insobriety, he'd forgotten he was supposed to be sleeping on the settee this week; Julie had been in the bed up until now and there was still a faint trace of her perfume lingering in the blankets and on the pillows.

That final reminder was a final twist of the knife he'd stabbed himself with, willingly and fully aware of what he was doing and had done; it hurt like a liquid fire to be completely immersed in the memory of someone, yet be so far away from them in so many ways. Shadow was under no illusion that whatever chance he'd had for a life with his flatmate was now well and truly over; in fact, he'd count himself blessed if one, just a single one, of his former soul-mates didn't recoil in horror from him now, and the bitterness of that truth seared him. But he would not move, some masochistic fatalism anchored him to the spot; as the night wore on Shadow remained were he was, lying in the bed he had feathered with thorns and vipers, continually reminded of what he had lost; no; even now, at the absolutely bottom of his life's course, he would not turn away, would face up to the truth about his actions; not lost – what I threw away.

With a purgatory of equal parts despair, guilt and recrimination boiling away inside of him, lying on what might well have represented a funeral pyre of his life up to this point, it took a long time for exhaustion both of the body and the mind to drag Shadow's consciousness down to the cheerless depths of sleep.

A long time after even that, the silent tears of unconscious repentance and pleading forgiveness stopped sliding from beneath his closed eyes.

A/N: Sometimes, it all just goes wrong; so wrong, you have to ask, can anything ever be right again?