Chapter 21 October 2003
They got to the safe house, a nondescript house in a nondescript neighborhood. Spencer left the box of supplies in the kitchen and took the bags back to the room they had been assigned. There he found Lucero making up the bed with the electric blanket she'd purchased. "I brought what you asked for. " He said.
"Thanks." She dropped the bag he gave her and turned into his arms. Immediately he felt her hands burrowing under his clothing, trying to get her fingers warm. "Are we safe here?" She asked.
"As safe as we can be tonight." He murmured with pleasure as her hands slid over the skin of his lower back and he reached up to caress her neck. "I've missed you."
"I've missed you." She leaned in to his touch. "They're going to want us to have dinner with them, what do we do?"
"It shouldn't be a problem." He knew exactly how many calories a day she needed to maintain her current weight given her gender, height, age and activity, and exactly how many he needed. "You've been getting smaller lately, I can tell. You haven't been eating enough the past couple of weeks."
"Ever since you got back from LA."
He couldn't chastise too hard, he'd been doing the same. "That's dangerous. We'd do better with a real meal tonight. Are you going to be all right eating in front of them?"
She was quiet a long moment. "I don't know. You?"
That was the problem. After all that had happened the simple act of eating a meal had become something personal, something intimate, something to be done quickly and shamefully, skittering around in dark corners and hidden places or something to be shared only with the one person you trusted above all. After that first safe year at CalTech they had only ever sat together. And now? He knew that they were likely bringing pizza or Chinese or something and they would be expected to go sit at a table surrounded by some friends but also strangers and laugh and have a good time. It just felt so very alien to even consider it. "I don't know." He replied. "We'll have to see. I know we're here through the week-end at least. It's supposed to snow."
"Inside where it's warm and safe and we're together?" She smiled up at him. "Now that's what I'm hungry for."
"Same here." They heard the sound of more people arriving. "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be."
But it turned out to be impossible. They brought pizza, boxes of it, hot and greasy and rich and bottles of soda so sweet it would make your head spin. "You hungry kid?" Furnelli asked.
Spencer looked over at Lucero and sighed. She had so much passion, so much power when she stepped out on stage and took on the world on her own terms. But in this setting, at this time, it was all taken from her. She looked so small, huddled back into her sweater, watching the men around the table with those big, scared eyes. "Actually I think we're just going to head to bed." Damn, he could feel the team's eyes on him. "It's been a long day."
"Suit yourself."
Spencer snagged the box of supplies he brought from the storage unit on the way back to their room The meal replacements would hold them until everyone was in bed, then maybe he could sneak out and bring back some leftovers. "I'm sorry." Lucero said quietly as he closed the door behind her. "I just couldn't. I don't even know those people."
"I know." He said quietly.
"Right now I just wish we could go away from everyone and figure this out."
"Me too. Chocolate or vanilla?"
"Chocolate, please."
He just tossed her the bottle when there was a quiet tapping at the door. He should have known who it was. "Hey Garcia."
"Hey. Are you okay?" She asked as she closed the door behind her.
Was he? Mostly. "Yeah." He looked over at Lucero. She'd calmed down now that they were in here. "Yeah."
"Okay, then you two need to come and have dinner." He didn't have to look to know that the fear flared in his wife's eyes. He only hoped he controlled his own well enough. "There's nothing to be afraid of." Garcia said. "He's not here."
"I know." Spencer said. How the hell could explain it. "It's just that..."
"You're safe." She insisted. "We're all friends here."
"But you're not all lovers." Lucero said. Leave it to the bard in the room.
It took Garcia a couple of minutes to parse this. "Right. Okay, we, meaning me and the rest of the team, need to take several steps back here. Which is not a bad thing, it just needs to happen."
"Therapy is on the short list." Spencer admitted. They were a mess, he knew that, but there was no point in fixing it while they were still at risk. Once this was settled and Eduardo was out of their lives they could get healthy, emotionally as well as physically. Not before then.
"Good." Garcia said. "And we will help in any way we can. Now I'm going to assume that if you've been living off that stuff." She frowned at the bottle of meal replacement in his hand. "That pizza is going to be too much for you. I expected that so I came prepared to cook."
She what? "Garcia, you didn't have to do that..."
"Yes I did and I do, shush. Now I am going to go cook and I will tell you when it's done and then you can bring it back here and you and your wife can have dinner. Unless you think you can come sit in the kitchen."
Spencer thought he could sit in the kitchen. He was even willing to brave the pizza, he was comfortable enough with the team for that. But Lucero was a concern. He looked over and read the longing and curiosity in her eyes that was mingling with the fear. "I think we could make the kitchen."
"Okay, good." Garcia grinned. "Because they're talking poker after dinner."
Lucero chuckled. "We can't miss that."
"Come on then. Leave those bottles here." Garcia tucked an arm around Lucero's shoulder and led her from the room. Spencer trailed along behind. "You know I went to CalTech, I was a Pageboy for a year and a half."
"Really?" Lucero broke out in a smile. "We were in Avery."
"Ohhh, I'm sorry. That must have been so boring. Especially at you age."
"Not really." Spencer said. "I was the envy of the freshmen for at least the first few years. The worship was nice." He grinned at Lucero who rolled her eyes back.
"What? Ahhhh!" Garcia smacked him on the arm. "Okay, sit. Stay. Here." She pulled a carton of milk out of the fridge. "Have some. And here, if you're up for it." She reached into a bag and brought out a big bag of Oreo cookies. "And I am making Jell-O tonight for tomorrow."
"How did you...?" Lucero shook her head. "Elle asked. I thought it was in passing. You people are sneaky."
"We can be. I brought some butternut squash soup from the store, how does that and grilled cheese sound?"
Spencer felt his stomach knotting. That was the problem, it sounded heavenly. Lucero look over at him and knew what he was thinking as intimately as he knew what was in her mind. It would be so easy, but they weren't exactly safe yet...
And Garcia was watching them both. "One step at a time." She said. "You can go back to it in the morning if you need to. We don't need to wave a magic wand here."
They wanted this. They wanted this so badly. Not just the food, although Spencer could feel his stomach pinching, it was the warmth of the kitchen and the acceptance and the friendship and even the love here. It felt like family and they had been alone for so long. But discipline mattered, on some level he was proud of himself, proud of his wife, for having done what they did for so long. Could they put it down and then pick it back up when they needed to. "One night?" He asked her.
He saw the same thoughts and longings in her eyes. "One night." She agreed.
As Garcia beamed at him he opened the Oreos.