SM owns everything Twilight, I'm just playing with her characters.

Chapter 21: The Beginning of the End

BELLA

Poor, poor Edward, he'd just made a fool of himself again, and I'd found myself laughing at him uncontrollably again. I was such a shitty girlfriend.

"Shut up, Emmett!" Edward roared loudly towards the window, as he cupped his naked, jiggly man-bits, while trying to run over to close the curtains. I said "trying" to run, because his jeans were still pooled around his ankles, which only allowed him to take little baby steps. He looked like Chunk from the Goonies trying to do the truffle shuffle and failing miserably. He reached the window and closed the curtains with so much force that the entire valance came crashing down in Edward's face, and it actually hit him rather hard in the eye.

"HA! I told you that you were going to poke somebody's eye out with that thing!" Emmett bellowed while clutching his stomach, doubled over in laughter at the antics that were playing out in front of him. Edward had stopped covering his naked parts now, in order to clutch his eye that had been injured in the carnage.

I decided that it was time for me to intervene in this situation, since every attempt Edward made had resulted in an even bigger cluster-fuck.

"Piss off, Emmett!" I shouted towards the window while rushing over and helping Edward pull his pants back up. I was trying desperately to stop laughing, because I was sure it wouldn't help the situation at all. I'd just gotten in trouble for the same thing twenty minutes ago. I could tell that Edward was about to go psycho from embarrassment, and I didn't really want to have to deal with that again. I mustered enough strength within me to silence the cackling whore that wanted so badly to come out to play, and put on my game face.

"It's okay, Edward. Don't even acknowledge him. It just makes him worse," I soothed as I fastened the button on his jeans and kissed the now reddish/bluish spot forming under his right eye. I turned around to see Emmett doing that "Oh, my god, I can't breathe" thing outside, because he was laughing so hard. I stuck my head out of the hotel room door and told him in not so many words that if he didn't exit the area immediately, I was going to tell Rosalie about his collection of My Little Pony dolls. Yeah, he really was that demented.

"You wouldn't dare!" Emmett straightened up immediately at my threat. I nodded and gave him the stink eye at the same time, telling him that I was completely serious.

"Fine. Sorry for laughing at you, Edward. Goodnight." Emmett sulked off into the night, without another word.

I helped Edward over to the bed and sat him down on the edge. I grabbed his head and held him tightly between my breasts for a moment to help him calm down.

"Take a little rest in my dirty love pillows. That should make you feel better in no time," I suggested with the straightest face I could muster. Edward laughed and wrapped his arms around me.

"I don't know how you do it," he said while looking at me in awe.

"What?"

"I was about ready to go join the circus as their latest freak show act, and with one comment about your dirty love pillows…all of my problems are forgotten. You're amazing," Edward ran his fingers down my face in reverence as he spoke. It was incredibly sweet.

After our little moment, we both got up and fixed the curtains, so we wouldn't have any more onlookers, and then we got back to our little role-playing game. Let me just say…Edward's skin saber skills were stellar. I decided I should call him Lukeward Peenwalker from now on.

******************** S.H.I.T. *************************

The next day, Edward and I went over to Alice and Jasper's house to help them get everything ready for the exorcism. Alice had been out to the Cullen's house already and had found where the bodies were buried. There were four flagstones along the back perimeter of the Cullen's backyard. There were no names on them, just weird symbols. Alice recognized them as symbols commonly used for binding curses in witchcraft.

"So what's the plan for tonight exactly, Alice?" I asked, because I had never done an exorcism, and I had absolutely no idea what to expect. If our previous dealings were any indication, it was set to be a cluster-fuck of epic proportions. Just sayin'...

Alice explained that we were going to say an unbinding spell, while salting and burning the bones of the four bodies buried there.

"Are you kidding me? We have to dig them up?" I couldn't believe there was any truth to that crap I'd seen on Supernatural. I'd always thought it was a load of crap, but I didn't really care, because I'd always liked watching Jensen Ackles bending over and shoveling. That man was seriously ass-a-licious.

"Yes, Bella, we have to dig them up," she sounded annoyed and looked at me like I was an idiot.

"Well, excuse me. I was just asking. Did you forget to put on your underwear again and that moo-moo crawled up your ass?" I sniped, not liking the attitude I was getting. "You might want to pull it out of your crack, before you start hacking up tie-dyed cotton balls at me." I couldn't help the smart-ass smile that split across my face from that comment.

Alice looked appalled for a second, before breaking down and laughing like a banshee.

"Sorry, Bella, I'm just a little on edge today," Alice confessed between her gasps for air, while she continued laughing hysterically.

"Well, let's put this tension to good use and get everything loaded and get over to the Cullen's house and start digging," I suggested. "You don't have any more of those cookies to take along, do you?"

"Yeah right!" Alice scoffed. "You guys would be useless then. We may as well just slap a sign on their front door that says 'House of Phantasmic Fellatio' and start charging admission at that point."

I chuckled and conceded her point. We got to work and loaded Edward's car with bags of rock salt, kerosene and some marshmallows. The marshmallows were Emmett's idea of multitasking with the fire later. He was such a dolt sometimes.

We drove over to Edward's house in silence; all of us unnerved about finally putting this all to rest. I hoped that when this was all over with, I would still get to see Edward every day. The thought of not being with him made my heart feel like it would melt and fall out of my chest.

We pulled into the driveway of Edward's house, and everyone else was there waiting. Rosalie and Emmett were not-so-discreetly hidden behind his monstrosity of a Jeep and making out like teenagers, while Carlisle and Esme stood on the front porch, trying desperately to not pay any attention to the grope-fest going on in front of them.

"I'm so glad this is all finally going to be over with," Esme hugged me tightly, as I stepped up onto the porch. "My poor heart can't take much more. Please tell me this will work." Her eyes, filled with unshed tears, pleaded for me to say yes to her.

"I have a good feeling that this will do the trick," I lied through my freaking teeth.

"Good. I hope that when this is all over with, we'll still get to see you, my dear."

"I'd like that very much, Esme. I've grown rather fond of your family over the last few days," I confessed, not lying this time. I had really gotten attached to all of them. I had no idea that a family could be so loving and normal. I just hoped I didn't let them down.

Resolved to see this thing through, I led the troops into the backyard, and each of us grabbed a shovel and started digging. After about two hours, we finally hit the caskets buried deep in the rocky-ass dirt. If you'd never dug a hole in Washington before, I wouldn't suggest ever trying it. There was a little bit of dirt, then little rocks, and then really big rocks. I think I might have blown out an ovary hoisting boulders out with a shovel.

We cleared the dirt off of the tops of the caskets the best we could, before unceremoniously cracking them open with a large pick axe. I'd never seen human remains before and couldn't help the catatonic state that overcame me as I saw the decaying skeletons laid out before me. It seriously eeked me out.

"What now, Alice?" I heard Edward ask, but I couldn't pry my eyes away from the bodies of the spirits that had been causing all of the drama lately. I faintly heard her response, but I couldn't focus on anything. My peripheral vision started to darken, as I kept staring. I couldn't even blink. It was like someone had glued my eyeballs open and tied me up, so that I had no choice but to look at their remains. My eyes started to sting and began to blur. I tried to blink and look away, but I couldn't. I wasn't even able to move my feet. I was stuck and felt like something was overpowering me. I was defenseless. It wasn't long before everything went dark, and I had no feeling left in my body at all. I was floating through a sea of blackness and had no clue what was happening to me. Maybe Alice had slipped me an extra special cookie?

After what seemed like an eternity, I saw light coming at me. It started as a small speck in the distance, then, like a rubber band, it snapped forward at lightning speed and knocked me flat on my ass.

I stood up and rubbed the sting out of my backside, as I looked around. I was still in the Cullen's backyard, but nobody else was there. I looked over to where we had dug the bodies up, but there weren't any holes. The flagstones weren't even there.

Confused as all hell, I decided to investigate. If this was an Alice-induced acid trip, I might as well take it for a ride. I walked up towards the house and noticed that the house and the yard looked a little bit different. The trees and bushes were smaller, and the house was a slightly different color. It appeared to be twilight, as I could see the sun just setting on the horizon. There were lights on in the house, and I could just barely make out the figure of a man in the kitchen window. I approached the house slowly, not wanting to alert anyone to my presence if I could help it.

I stood outside of the back door to see if I could hear anything inside. Before I had the chance to eavesdrop, the door swung open, and a man stuck his head out. I think I might have shat myself.

"There you are!" the man's face lit up when he saw me. "Dinner's almost ready. You're going to love it." He pulled me through the doorway and into his arms. I looked up into his eyes and realized I was in some pretty deep shit, as he leaned down and planted one hellacious mess of a slobbery kiss on me.

A/N: Only a couple more chapters left. Hold on to your butts, it's about to get crazy!