Disclaimer: I own neither Harry Potter nor Naruto.

A relatively reliable team

"Now, who will you take on this mission with you?"

"Naruto, of course." I raise an eyebrow at Tsunade. She doesn't bat an eyelash.

"Of course," she only says.

"At least one medic," Yamato says. "Preferably one with significant combat strength. Is your apprentice available?"

Tsunade nods. "She is. I will send for her. You will also need trackers."

"I can track. I have a summon in the village right now." If Azzie hadn't decided to become a tracker and she didn't scare the shit out of Ninjin, he might have joined the tracking unit. Then again, trackers tend to get sent after dangerous things and Ninjin is, to put it mildly, a coward. "I want Karin with us. She's a medic, too, and a very good sensor who is familiar with both Kakashi and Sasuke's chakras. She's from Kusa, so she'll know the area, too."

"Done."

I bite my lip as an idea comes to my head. It's a bit risky, but... I turn to Yamato. "Can you track down Sai?"

Both his and Tsunade's eyebrows rise. "As in, find him and bundle him up before anyone but us can relay orders to him," I clarify.

"I could," Yamato answers slowly, eyeing me cautiously.

"Why would you want him on this mission with you, considering what happened last time?" Tsunade asks bluntly.

I smirk. "I'm gonna subject him to Naruto."

Slowly, Tsunade starts to smirk, too. She leans back. "This could work... the council will eventually find out about this. If they hear I sent a ninja they personally recommended to me previously on this mission, they won't be able to complain as much..."

"Meanwhile, Naruto gets to brainwash him to the ramen side of things..." I continue.

"Alright," Tsunade decides. "But keep an eye one him."

"Naturally," Yamato agrees.

Tsunade nods. "Anyone else you want?"

Someone with more experience, this team consists of half-baked idiots and crazies, Dementia speaks up for the first time since leaving Suna.

Good point.

"Gai or Genma," I say.

Not Genma!

"Preferably Genma. He seems halfway sane."

I fucking hate you! She does the mental equivalent of slamming a door in my face.

Yamato meanwhile nods. "He's also the most familiar with Kakashi-senpai's tactics and an experienced tracker."

"Very well," Tsunade says. "Genma it is. That all?"

I nod my head, so does Yamato.

"Very well." She fixes us with a look. "I don't have to tell you that this is an S-class mission."

Again, we shake our heads.

"I don't want any casualties. You are all coming home, is that understood?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama!"

She nods in satisfaction. "Good. Then go pack up, gather your team, and get going. I will send Sakura to Training Ground Eleven, meet up there. Riko, you still have smeared make-up all over your face, you may want to get rid of that."

"But it's fashion!" I fake-gasp with wide eyes. She snorts.

"Scram, brat."

I shoot a longing glance at the window, but Yamato drags me after him through the door. Stick in the mud.

He gives me a look that tells me he knows exactly what I'm thinking. "I will find Sai and Genma. You gather Uzumaki Naruto and Karin. Time is of the essence."

"Hai!" We separate and I run back to the flat.

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

As fate wants it, Training Ground Seven, the training ground where I left Naruto yesterday to train wind chakra, is on the way to my flat, and Naruto is fast asleep there. Probably fell asleep training, I deduce fondly. I wake him up with some cold water - better he get used to that again, we're gonna reform Team Seven after all - and quickly inform him that we have a mission. He runs off to pack and I make my way to Karin.

I blast into the flat and into the bathroom to take the world's shortest shower. I'm mostly coherent by this time, so I actually remember that there are storage seals on my sword-belt. Storage seals that contain almost everything I need to survive a month-long mission, though hopefully this won't take so long. For now it just means I can change out of the skimpy party outfit.

Hair is still untamable, though. Whatever. I yank a brush through it, thread wires in it that will turn razor sharp with just a bit of chakra, and that will have to do. The make-up is scrubbed off my face so I no longer look like a reject raccoon. More like a regular raccoon with hair like another raccoon died in it.

A minor genjutsu has me looking healthy and fine.

I storm out of the bathroom and try to shake Karin awake, meaning Anko wakes up, too. "Wake up, we've got a mission," I say tightly, then go for the big guns. "Karin, ramen."

She sits straight up. "RAMEN." Then she actually wakes up. "Eh?"

Anko groans. "Five more minutes and turn off the damn light."

"Emergency. Mission," I say tightly. "Karin, be at Training Ground Eleven as soon as you can. Pack for two weeks, we're going near Kusa, you probably know better than I what you'll need. I'm just gonna make a quick run to the store, so don't worry about food stuff. Don't wait up for me."

Karin turns out to be one of those abominable people who don't get hungover. She jumps up and runs for the bathroom because her hair and face look only slightly better than mine did. "Got it."

I make a quick run for the kitchen where I swipe all the ramen cups into a storage seal, then hop out to a store where I get ration bars and enough vegetables to pay off my tracking units. A comfortable grey jacket because wearing Itachi's old cloak while looking for Sasuke doesn't exactly feel right and I'm not a fan of standard ninja cloaks, which are inconvenient for stashing rabbits inside, unlike the jacket which was probably made with Inuzukas in mind. Once I'm done with that, I run back to the flat and grab a snoring Ninjin from under my bed - little bugger stole my blanket and pillow and made himself comfortable - and stash him in the hood of the jacket (putting him under a small genjutsu to keep him sleeping). Karin is already gone and also got rid of Anko, somehow, so I leave the keys to the flat in the letterbox of our next door neighbours, Hayate and Yugao, with a request to take them to my clan so they can take care of it.

It's been barely twenty minutes since we got the mission. Hopefully we've been quick enough. Tsunade heavily implied that should the council find out about this, we won't be able to leave the village so easily. Thank kami for last night's utterly irresponsible drinking binge that apparently took out some key links in the information chain, among them the ever-responsible Shizune.

On the way to the meeting spot (applying liberal use of shunshin) I drop into the Kiri ambassadors' lodgings and nearly get my head blown off by Suigetsu for not stopping him last night from either falling into Haku's crotch or waxing poetic shit about Haku's eyes shortly before that. I don't know what his problem is, Haku was immensely flattered, and for all his intelligence, he's incredibly dense when it comes to recognising romantic notions towards him.

"Riko-san?" Haku asks, sitting primly on his bed, looking perfect as ever, not one hair out of place which is just bloody unfair.

"I need you to occupy Hokage-sama and her council for a few hours," I say bluntly. "Tsunade is in on it, so don't worry."

"Ah," Haku answers serenely. "I've been meaning to discuss Kiri's participation in the upcoming Chūnin Exams in more detail, perhaps even integrate it into our alliance contract."

"Fucking fuck damn it, Midget, the fuck've you gotten into now?" Suigetsu grumbles. I shoot him a grin.

"The usual, plus I'm fucking hungover and want to share the headache," I answer before I shunshin away, not bothering to thank them. They'd just be offended. Besides, they know I'd do the same for them, though I probably wouldn't use politics to distract Mei-chan.

I catch up with Karin at the edge of Training Ground Eleven. "Two chakras ahead," she reports as I seamlessly fall in step with her. "Haruno Sakura and an unkown with a vast chakra quantity."

"That'll be Naruto," I answer. She suddenly stands stock-still.

"What?!" she squeaks. "My cousin?!" She turns on the spot. "I need to change, I look horrible!"

I grab her and steer her back to the meeting spot. "You look fine. He'll love you no matter what you look like, anyway."

"You're right." She walks with me for a few steps. "Except!" And she turns around again. "I should have worn the blue vest!"

"Kami dammit!" I drag her after me. "Come on!"

"I can't!"

"Of course you can!"

"I have a meet-Naruto outfit all prepared! It'll take just five minutes!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes! It's just like this one, except with-"

I roll my eyes and employ use of shunshin. With Karin struggling, we land in a pile of limbs in front of the reason for Karin's anxiety. "'Sup," I greet casually. Karin squeaks underneath me.

"Ri-chan!" Naruto exclaims, waving his hands around. "What're you doing?" He tries to pull me up, trips, and falls on top of us. I see Sakura stifling a laugh. She doesn't look hungover, which is probably a good thing.

So now there's a flailing Uzumaki under me and another one on top. An Uzumaki sandwich. There is a dirty joke hidden somewhere here, and I feel it is time to kawarimi the fuck out before the rabbit in my hood wakes up and screams bloody murder. I join Sakura in watching Naruto and Karin try to get on their feet, a feat which they are remarkably unsuccessful at.

When they finally do manage, Naruto laughs sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Uh, yeah, sorry about that, 'ttebayo."

"It's fine!" Karin squeaks, blushes, and instantly clams up which is completely unlike her.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto points at himself. "Are you going on the mission with us?"

"I - uh -" Karin is lost for words and I decide to help out.

"Yes, she is," I say. "She's the roommate I told you about, she's a medic and a sensor."

"Cool! What's your name?" Naruto asks curiously.

Karin takes a deep breath. "U-Uzumaki Karin."

Naruto blinks. "Eh?" he says. Karin instantly panics and starts rambling on about how she grew up in Kusa all alone, well with her mom, but her mom died and then she was all alone, and how she became a ninja to prove herself and then went to the Chūnin Exams, where she actually saw him but had no idea who he was, she's so sorry about that, at which point Naruto cuts her off with a strangled noise. "Eh? Uzumaki? Like me?" She nods. "You - you're family? I - I have family?"

Karin sniffs. Her red eyes look suspiciously shimmery. "Yes!"

A disbelieving laugh escapes Naruto. His hands find Karin's shoulders. It looks like he'd fall over without holding on to them. "Karin," he whispers. "Uzumaki Karin. Karin-chan. Karin-neechan."

"Naruto-nii," she whispers back, and then throws herself into his arms. He laughs, hugs her back. Ends up falling on the ground again.

Sakura sniffs. I hand her a tissue. I might need one myself, there's something in my eye.

"Is the harpy pregnant?" a mildly curious voice asks. Sai has arrived.

"No," I answer and punch him in the face. He goes flying into a tree. I don't feel even remotely satisfied.

"Oh my." Sai's smile only serves to fuel the anger roiling inside my chest (BetrayalHatePainShikamaruWakeUPdon'tLeaveMe!). He rubs his cheek. "You are ill-tempered today, are you perhaps on your period, Riko-san?"

I tilt my head. "No," I say sweetly, smiling sharply. "Just very hungover, and I seem to recall a nightmare in which the last mission we did together went vastly different from whatever the hell you wrote in your report, Sai-kun."

A nightmare in which my brother died. A thousand punches would not make me feel more peaceful towards Sai. Part of the reason I requested his presence on this mission was to punch him in the face.

"Thankfully it was just a dream," Genma drawls as he joins us, followed by Yamato. Judging from the expression in his eyes, he knows it was anything but. Yamato doesn't look happy either, neither does Sakura.

It's not like they couldn't have stopped me from hitting Sai. It's not like Sai himself couldn't have stopped me. All of us know what he did. Except Naruto and Karin who are still happily distracted hugging each other.

Sai's smile flickers for but a moment before it is firmly locked in place.

"As amusing as this is," I say, my voice like ice, "We have a mission to get to." I look to Yamato. "We're all here."

He nods. "Then we'll head out. We'll brief later."

A quick call to Karin and Naruto and then we're off, only a day after being back in Konoha. Towards Kusagakure in the Country of Grass, towards Orochimaru, towards Sasuke and Kakashi.

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

There is no talking as we run. This mission might be sanctioned by the Hokage but it certainly isn't official. Considering it involves the Snake Sannin which automatically bumps it up to upper S-rank, Tsunade going behind her council's back is controversial at best. Especially seeing as she sent me, who Orochimaru most definitely wants for reasons I don't particularly like to think about.

So yeah. Yamato leads us out of the village along a path that I suspect is commonly only known to ANBU, and once we're out, sets a harsh pace that has the added effect of shutting down any conversation. Breaks for rest are short and tense, and Sakura and Sai are affected the worst by the exhaustion. Karin to a lesser extent because she has good stamina, but she's having trouble keeping up with our speed. Hell, even I am feeling the strain in my muscles by the end of the day. Yamato and Genma look unaffected, but then, poker faces are part of being a ninja. The only one I really believe has no trouble at all is Naruto the stamina monster.

We finally stop when night has long fallen, in the middle of nowhere, concealed in a forest. Yamato slams his hands together and creates a wooden house - not as elaborate as the last one I saw him make, more functional. He's conserving his chakra for the upcoming struggles.

"Whoa, awesome!" Naruto and Karin exclaim, echoed by Sakura's amazed marvels. The three of them are the first to enter, followed by Sai and Yamato. Leaving me and Genma outside alone.

"Riko," Genma speaks up, serious for once. "Are you alright? You look grim."

My hand goes up to clutch at my neck, where the Cursed Seal rests.

"This time will be different," I answer quietly.

I won't let Orochimaru take anything more from me.

Genma squeezes my shoulder. "That's the spirit. Come on, the others are waiting." He walks past me, toward the house.

"I'll be just a minute. Go and get the others up to speed, will you?"

"Sure thing."

I wait until he's entered, then I reach into my hood and pull out the snoring Ninjin by the scruff of his neck. A poke with my finger has him waking up from my genjutsu. "Yo," I say.

He blinks, shakes his head in befuddlement. Yawns. Then looks around and opens his mouth in panic. "Mmmmmpph!" He screams into the hand I press over his mouth.

"Everything's fine," I say. "Calm down."

He shuts up.

"Now, I'm going to take my hand from your mouth," I inform him slowly. "And you are not going to scream like that time we were on a stealth mission and you thought there was a leech on your leg. Understood?"

Ninjin nods. I take my hand away. "Kidnapped! I've been kidnapped! This is an outrage!" he shrieks and I smush my hand back in place.

"Well, you can either stay here, with me, as my teammate which means being under my protection," I state, "Or go back home to Azzie preparing herself for her beauty contest. Your choice."

He shakes his paws in panic at the mention of his crazy little sister. "I thought so," I say.

"You are the shittiest summoner in the history of shitty summoners!" Ninjin shrieks in, for his standards, a quiet voice. "This is a kidnapping!"

"Well, you can't exactly build a den under my bed and live there," I answer dryly.

"I was doing just fine!" He sticks out his tongue at me.

"Yeah, by stealing my blanket and pillow and hiding under it," I point out dryly. "Look, I'll make you a deal. You help me on this mission, and I'll help you dig a burrow in our Clan Forest."

"Mission," Ninjin says suspiciously. "I know your kinds of missions. Last time I got chased by a monster!" Oh yeah, I sent Kakuzu on a merry rabbit chase.

"Sorry," I say. "This isn't like that."

"Suuuuure," he sniffs, crossing his paws. "Nu-uh! This rabbit is too smart to - you smell of carrots."

"Yeah, I've got enough vegetables with me to supply the tracking units..."

"Don't call them!" he shrieks. "They always make fun of me! And don't you dare call Azzie!"

"I'm not stupid," I snort. "She'd kill all of us if I did that so close to the competition. Anyway, I'll have to summon the trackers if you won't help me..."

"You," Ninjin narrows his eyes at me. "Are an evil, evil, shitty summoner."

"Carrots. Cake. Eggplants." I boop his forehead and grin at him, without teeth because that freaks him out. "A nice, spacious burrow in the safest forest in all of the Elemental Nations. No predators around anywhere, no other talking rabbits. I'm friends with the forest's protector, you'd be completely safe."

He whines. "Your missions always suck!"

I go in for the kill. "Haku's staying in Konoha a lot, you know? And just think... Where Haku is, Ume-chan isn't far."

Ninjin squeaks. "Ume-chan! My love in pastel pink fur! I'm in! I'm in!"

"So we've got a deal?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever, what do you want me to do, oh shitty one?"

"Track someone. Remember my teacher? The guy with the dogs you were stuck with for two weeks?"

"Oh him. Yeah, sure. Whatever. Easy-peasy." Ninjin waves me off.

"And Sasuke."

"Your boyfriend?" Ninjin rolls his eyes at me. "Can't you do anything by yourself, you loser?"

I snort. "Thanks, buddy. I appreciate the help. I'm gonna introduce you to the rest of the team, alright?"

"Rest of the team?!" the neon-green bunny shrieks. "It's not just you here?!"

"Or," I say dryly. "You can just stay in my backpack."

"I will do that, thank you very much." He points his paw at me. "And there better be carrots and a pillow!"

I roll my eyes and unseal a backpack, specifically acquired to carry around rabbits for exactly this kind of situation, and open it. "Pillow's already inside."

"It better be fluffy, servant."

"And here are your five-star gourmet carrots."

"They look and smell like normal carrots."

"Just get in the fucking backpack!" I throw the carrots in and glare at him.

"No way! You don't scare me! Oww, not the ears! They're sensitive!"

I sling the backpack over my shoulders and adjust the straps before going into the house. Genma waits inside. "I heard screaming," he says, looking amused because he probably heard what was screamed. "What's with the backpack?"

"Bere if nuffim im here!" Ninjin shouts from inside, face apparently stuffed with carrots.

"Your backpack just talked." Genma's eyes are dancing with mirth.

"Mo ip bibm't!"

"It's a magical backpack," I answer dryly. "Don't look at it too long or it'll run away."

"Uh-huh." Genma nods seriously. "A magical backpack."

I roll my eyes at him and begin to say something when noise breaks out on the floor above us and then Sai comes crashing down, an irate Sakura jumping after him. She picks him up by the front of his shirt and shakes him, her other fist brandished. "Insult my shishou again, I dare you," she hisses.

I sigh, ignoring the fact that my magical backpack is squeaking in terror. As much as Sai probably has it coming, this kind of shit on a mission this dangerous is bad and we'll need him intact. I exchange a look with Genma who doesn't look all that happy either. "I'll get Sai," I sigh. "You deal with Sakura." Judging from the lack of noise above, Yamato is busy with Karin and Naruto, which is one relief at least.

"Oh, fun," Genma sighs. I snort. Simultaneously, we move in and grab the two. A shunshin takes Sai and me outside. I drag him with me a little ways into the forest.

We stare at each other. He opens his mouth. I interrupt before he can say it. "No. I am not inclined to engage in sexual intercourse with you."

He closes his mouth.

"So," I begin, crossing my arms before my chest. "What did you say this time to piss everyone off?"

"I do not know," Sai answers. He studies me. "Psycho."

"What."

"I read that giving a person a nickname will bring you closer to them." Sai smiles his creepy-ass smile.

"So you call me psycho," I surmise. Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Whatever, fine. Stop smiling like that, it's creepy."

It's not the worst thing he could have called me and it's not like he has any evil intentions. I haven't forgotten the things he said back then, about having no past, future, feeling, name; the way his eyes were empty and blank. Yeah, I hate his guts for his betrayal and what happened to Shika, but. It wasn't him. He was merely someone else's tool. The blame lies with Shimura Danzō. Is what I tell myself, but I still want to stick Shingi to Giri into Sai's gut and letting him bleed out right here on the forest floor. And yet, at the same time I feel so sorry for him.

What a fucking mess. It makes me sick to my stomach. Especially since I'm going to have to use him.

"Smiles set people at ease," he explains. That's right, he said something like that before.

I force a smile of my own. "It depends on the situation. Let it come naturally, don't force it." This is so wrong. I hate myself for doing it, but- "Dollface."

His fake smile fades and for a moment, there's a look of genuine surprise on his face before he schools it into expressionlessness.

"So what nicknames did you give the others?" I ask. "Did you call Karin a harpy again?"

Sai frowns minutely. "No. I called Sakura-san Ugly," oh god what an idiot, "And Naruto-kun Dickless."

Bursting out laughing is completely and utterly inappropriate. It's also impossible to not do it. Sai looks at me like I've grown a second head. I reach out and squeeze his shoulder. "Oh Sai," I chortle. "You are precious."

He blinks. "I do not understand, Psycho."

I snicker. "Oh, no. Just keep calling Naruto that, yes?" Just imagining Naruto's face, oh kami. I burst into giggles again. "You might want to apologise to Sakura though, calling girls ugly isn't nice."

"The book I read said to pick nicknames based on dominant traits of a person," Sai says, a faint note of confusion in his voice.

And he picked Ugly for Sakura? Huh. "Maybe you should pick something else," I suggest. "Or ask her to pick a nickname you can use. Alternatively you can add -chan to her name, that indicates familiarity, too. But ask permission beforehand, it's rude otherwise."

I better talk to Sakura, too. Sai is going to fuck up again, no question about it.

"I see." He sounds bewildered. "Does it not matter who picks the name?"

I shrug. "People don't make sense, get used to it." Another forced smile on my part. "Dollface, if you don't understand something, just ask me. I'll help you. You can trust me."

He looks genuinely relieved at that. There must be a special kind of hell reserved for people like me.

"You hit me earlier," he points out then.

"Which means we're okay now," I lie. "It wasn't a rational action on my part, but I got it out of my system. I apologise."

"I see."

That's about as much of this conversation as I can take. Assassination is easy compared to this. There's something honest about killing. I could never be a spy or a double agent.

Necessary evils, I tell myself. You want information on Danzō. Sai is the key to that.

"We should go back," I suggest, beginning to walk towards the house. "The others will be waiting for us."

"Yes," he says. But then frowns. "Why am I here? I was told you requested my presence. Yet I know you do not trust me."

I look back at him. Now would be the time for another pretty lie, packed in Naruto-worthy inspirational words.

I go for the cruel truth instead. "I don't. You betrayed us. The team. The village. The Will of Fire. Everything I believe in. Plotted our deaths with a smile on your face." My voice is ice and acid. "Then you had the audacity to tell me that you didn't even exist, shoving responsibility for your part in all of it far from you, and decided to just die in the face of your failure. It doesn't fucking work like that." My eyes narrow. "Live and struggle. Regret. Fucking atone. You are not allowed to die until you have found meaning in your life.

"As for why you are on this mission? Consider it your second and only chance, Dollface." I don't wait for his reply, turn my head and continue walking towards the base. "And I say all that about you not being allowed to die, but if you even think about betraying us again, if you put my friends' lives in danger - you're dead."

("I wanna go home," my stupid magical backpack whimpers, inaudible to anyone but me.)

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ -═══════ι▬▬

We've gathered upstairs in the meeting room. Thanks to Karin's sensing abilities, we can forgo patrols and guarding until she goes to sleep. By now, everyone is up to speed on the situation.

"I know it sounds bad," I say into the heavy silence. "But we actually have several advantages in this."

"We do?" Karin asks hopefully.

"Yes," Genma answers her. "For one, Orochimaru doesn't know we know about his trap, and he has no idea that we've been in contact with Kakashi."

"But he'll have contingencies for that," Sakura points out uneasily. I nod at her.

"Very likely. Which would be a problem if we were actually going to spring his trap."

"Which we won't," Yamato states seriously. "We will stay away from Orochimaru."

"And if we can't?" I smile grimly. "He has no idea the things this team can throw at him."

"Hell yes!" Naruto clenches his fists. "We'll kick his ass, dattebayo!"

"Unless we can avoid it. We don't go near him. I mean it." Genma looks at us. "We go in, we find Kakashi and Sasuke, we get out. That's it. There shouldn't be any fighting."

"Genma-senpai is right," Yamato says seriously. "If something doesn't go according to plan, we will act as follows: Sai, you will get our medics out of the danger zone. Naruto will go with you and provide cover and protection as needed. Genma-senpai, Riko, and myself will eliminate the threat." Or attempt to, he doesn't add.

"But I want to fight-" Naruto protests.

"It's the most sensible plan," I interrupt. "Ruto, you have the most important job, protecting the medics. If we have to fight Orochimaru or his people, there will be injuries. We'll need Sakura and Karin. Especially since Kakashi-sensei requested medical aid which means he needs them, too."

"I don't like it," Naruto protests. "We fight together, Ri-chan!"

"If everything works out," I smile wryly, "Then we won't need to fight at all."

No one looks particularly reassured. We're dealing with Orochimaru. And we have the collective bad luck of myself, Team Seven, and Team Headcase. We're fucked.

We discuss abilities and formations for a while before the meeting adjourns. I provide food for everyone - ramen for Naruto, Karen, and myself - then we lay out our blankets and camp mats. I end up sharing a room with Naruto and Karin. Yamato-taichō is with Sai, and Sakura rooms with Genma. It seems the most peace-ensuring arrangement. Heaven knows leaving Sai in a room with Karin or Naruto would be a disaster, I myself find that stabbing him in his sleep is, if not a tempting then a rather distracting option. Karin and Sakura don't seem to like each other very much for whatever reason or no reason at all, Naruto insists on rooming with his newfound Nee-chan, both insist on rooming with me. Which is sweet of them, but neither are tired which translates to lots of talking. It takes me a bit to let their voices lull me into a relaxing half-sleep, which is destroyed as soon as Naruto pokes my shoulder. "Ri-chan, are you asleep already?"

"Yes," I deadpan. He and Karin giggle.

"We've decided!" Karin declares, pointing at me. "We're adopting you."

"What," I say.

"You should totally be a honourary Uzumaki!" Karin looks ridiculously proud of herself.

"Yeah! That'll be so awesome, dattebayo!" Naruto adds, looking terribly smug.

"...I'm going back to sleep."

"Nu-uh! Sibling bonding time, dattebayo!" Naruto declares, and Karin attempts to throw herself on top of me. I roll out of the way and get piled on by Naruto. Another Uzumaki sandwich ensues.

"Lemme go!" I whine.

"But Ri-chan!" Shit, Naruto's got puppy eyes going on. "You love us, don't you? So we're adopting you!"

"...can you even do that?" I ask.

Karin nuzzles into my neck. "Sure! You're practically an Uzumaki anyway! I mean, you've got the hair!"

Naruto yelps. "Is the hair important? I don't have the hair!"

"You have the face! That's what counts!" Karin reassures him immediately.

"But I don't have the face," I point out reasonably.

Naruto laughs, "Silly, you have the hair, Ri-chan! You don't need the face!"

"Exactly!" Karin beams. She and Naruto high-five.

Uzumaki logic. Why am I even trying? "Okay then, fine," I sigh, smiling a little. There's a nice warm feeling in my chest. "Honourary Uzumaki, sure, why not. But you get to tell my brother about it."

"Ehehehe," Naruto laughs, sounding and looking so stupidly happy. "I've got two sisters now!"

"We were family anyway," I point out, relaxing into his hold.

"But not officially!" Naruto protests.

"Doesn't this 'honourary Uzumaki' thing make it an unofficial adoption? Because otherwise I'd be an actual Uzumaki." I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Details!" Karin scoffs. "You're officially unofficially adopted from this moment on." She pulls out a pen. Where did that come from? "Now hold still while I write it on your forehead. Naruto-nii, hold her still!"

"I've got her!"

"No you don't!" I squirm. Naruto's arms are like a vice. But I'm not a jōnin for nothing! An instant later Naruto is hugging a log.

"Get her!" Karin shouts, laughing.

"It's on, Ri-chan!"

"You will never catch me, Dickless!" I point at him. He gasps dramatically, clutching his heart.

"You didn't! How could you! Karin-neechan, did you hear that?" Karin is laughing too hard to answer. "This calls for vengeance, dattebayo!" Naruto declares. "Tickle fight!"

"Ha! You can't hope to- good evening Genma-senpai, is something the matter?" I ask politely.

Karin and Naruto snap their mouths shut and attempt not to look like kids who were caught raiding the ramen box.

"No, no," Genma drawls. "Just informing you that Sakura and I are taking first watch - you three should get some sleep while you can. Yamato was annoyed at the noise, and he and Sai have second watch. They'd like to sleep, you understand."

"Yes, yes," Karin giggles nervously, looking terrified. "I wouldn't want to annoy Yamato-taichō, haha."

"Hahaha," Naruto laughs mechanically, sweating bullets. "Hahahahahaha."

"...what am I missing?" I ask.

Karin gives me a wild-eyed look. " Taichō doesn't need a flashlight anymore."

"Ah." I nod. "Okay." I turn to the now vastly amused looking Genma. "I believe we will go sleep now. Have a nice night, senpai."

"Night, kids." He leaves.

I give Karin and Naruto a pointed look. Within the space of moments, they're wrapped up in their sleeping bags, as stiff as if they were laid in coffins.

It kind of gives me hope that I'll get through the night without Karin attempting to eat me.

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Night rest seems entirely too short (and Karin did attempt to eat me. In her sleep.) Probably because it is too short, but we can't exactly afford more than a few hours of rest on the off chance that someone followed us.

Also, we need to outrun the messages Orochimaru's spies, if they do exist, will doubtlessly send about our departure. Any bit of information he doesn't have is an advantage for us.

Question is, will it be enough?

We have five days until Orochimaru comes looking for us should we not appear at his meeting spot. We must find Kakashi and Sasuke until then.

If we don't... things will get complicated.

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A/N: Merry Christmas to you all! Happy Hanukkah! Happy holidays! I actually managed a Christmas update, yay! With lotsa fluff!

Forgot to mention this last chapter, but I've got a facebook page now, link's on my profile. First chapters of my otherwise unpublished stories will go up there first, there's two already in my notes. So yeah, go check that out! :D