She stood before the mirror in the bathroom, examining herself for even the slightest of changes. No matter how she twisted or narrowed her eyes at her reflection, nothing changed. Nothing except the ring on her left hand. It didn't make her look any different. She wasn't standing taller; there wasn't an extra twinkle in her eye; she wasn't even grinning like a maniac. She was still the same. So why do I feel so different? Lily cocked her head to the side, feeling as though her engagement to James was stamped in big, bold letters on her forehead. Steam from the shower finally obscured her reflection enough that she gave up with a sigh and ducked behind the curtain.

It was her own stupid idea to keep their new status a secret, even from the rest of the Marauders. She couldn't berate herself too much, though she wished James would be a little more relaxed about it. Taking a shower together wasn't anything new for them. In reality, it was almost more suspicious that James was pointedly avoiding joining her. Damn it, woman! Lily nearly laughed at herself aloud. She might not look any different on the outside, but her insides were quivering with nervous excitement and anticipation. Jame was right—it was very tempting to find a tall rooftop and shout to the world that she'd won James Potter all to herself.

I shouldn't be happy. It was a chilling thought, but altogether not unreasonable. Grace Potter was in St. Mungo's and refusing company. The Order had been betrayed yesterday. Headquarters was destroyed, and they were still waiting for word to know how many had been killed. Their position right now was not comforting. Lily examined her ring again, wondering for the hundredth time where relationships fit into war. Was it wrong for her to be happy despite it all?

She snapped the water off, determined to ignore her guilt. It was perfectly okay for her to be happy with James. She would fight no less for the Order because of him. She'd fight harder to be able to keep what they had. Was that not enough? She refused to let herself answer that thought, seeking breakfast. Remus was sitting at the table skimming through the Daily Prophet. James shot her a smirk and a wink from the kitchen, passing her a plate of eggs and toast.

"Thanks." She grinned, forcing herself to act normal and sit beside Remus to eat.

"Sleep well?" Remus asked, straight-faced.

"Very well, thank you." Lily answered primly. "How's Sirius?"

"Complaining loudly."

"Hurting?"

"No, but he hates being infirm." Remus grinned as Sirius shouted angry expletives from the bedroom in response. She snorted, battling the urge to roll her eyes. "Thanks for letting me crash here, by the way."

"No big deal, mate" James sighed, ruffling his hair. "We got word from Moody, by the way Lils. We're supposed to sit tight until he decides on a safe place for us to meet."

"Sit and do nothing?"

"Don't sound so offended." He chided. "You'll have plenty of chances to get back at them."

"I will hurt you." She grumbled, taking a rather fierce stab at her breakfast. Remus coughed to cover a laugh and quickly excused himself from the table to check on the still-cursing Sirius Black.

"I'll go take a shower then." James, too, retreated quickly. Lily stuck her tongue out at his back. Her gaze dropped almost immediately back to her ring though. Would she never tire of admiring the thing? Sit tight. It was an infuriating command. She tapped on her lip, frowning. So they'd have to wait to learn of the damage of yesterday's fight. Bugger. But! She straightened, glancing warily at the doors to the two bedrooms. She snatched her cloak and slipped from the flat without bothering to pause. Surely James wouldn't be happy with her running off alone, but just as surely, St. Mungo's would be wary of him now. They'd catch the ruse if he was with her.

There was no line at the receptionist counter. A different wizard sat there, staring at the lobby looking bored out of his mind.

"Name?" He grunted.

"Lily Potter." She answered without hesitation. "Here to see Grace Potter."

"Okay. Here's your badge, and if you'll just wait over there someone will be down to get you in a moment." He gestured to the collection of chairs near the entrance, expression not changing in the slightest. Lily accepted the visitor's badge.

"I can find my way around if—"

"Grace is in isolation." He interrupted. "You'll have to be escorted, Ms. Potter. If you'll just have a seat?"

"Thank you." She said woodenly, turning towards the indicated chairs. Isolation? She sat, turning the badge over in her hands rather than pin it to her cloak. Her mouth was suddenly dry. Her mind whirled, trying to come up with reasons for Grace to be in isolation.

"Potter?" She started, looking up quickly.

"Me." Lily rose quickly, rushing towards the mediwitch.

"I see." The woman gave her a careful once over. "If you'll follow me." They went to the lifts, shooting up several floors. They had to be near the top of the hospital. Trepidation kept her silent. Lily was ushered into an office, and she didn't get a chance to protest before the door was shut behind her.

"Grace worked here for fifty years." The wizard behind the desk stated, fingers laced together. "Never once did she mention having a daughter. You must be Lily Evans."

"Yes." She agreed slowly, twisting James' ring around her finger. "I'm engaged to her son."

"Engaged?" His eyebrows rose. "She didn't say."

"It's new."

"I would say." He gestured to the chair in front of his desk. "Have a seat miss Evans."

"Are you going to lecture?" Lily asked dryly, perching on the chair. "All I want is to know what's going on."

"I understand." He said slowly, massaging his temples. "And I disagree with Grace's decision to exclude her family from this." He eyed her carefully. "We've had an outbreak of dragonpox, miss Evans."

"D-dragonpox?"

"What do you know of it?"

"It's deadly." Lily whispered, feeling the blood drain from her face. "And there's no cure. It… It kills quickly, doesn't it?"

"It's an insidious disease." He deflected. "Grace was something of an expert in it. Much more so than I. She came in when she heard what was happening."

"Sir…" Lily struggled to breathe, fearing what he wasn't saying. "Please just let me see her."

"She is in isolation."

"There are barriers!" She cried, vaulting to her feet. "So I can speak with her without being exposed!" He blinked, unimpressed by her outburst. "Take me to her, or I will stun you and anyone who gets in my way."

"Bloody hell." He pushed back from his desk, and then he started to laugh. Lily scowled, not seeing the amusement in this situation. "You sound like a damn Potter already." Her stomach swooped, and Lily tried to smile. It didn't exactly come across as a compliment. Still chuckling, he waved her from the office, leading her down the corridor. A few turns later and they came to a long hallway. "Third door on the left." He told her.

Lily walked forward hesitantly. Sounds of agony came from the rooms she passed, and her heart fell a little more with each step she took. Finally she stopped at the third door, trying to school her expression steady. Her breath came out shaky.

"Ah, damn." Grace said weakly from within the room.

"Grace…" Her legs almost gave out. Lily touched the magic separating them, taking in the deep pox marks on Grace's face and arms.

"It's ironic really." She smiled despite it all. "I spent my life studying dragonpox, searching for a cure."

"There has to be something." Lily whispered numbly.

"Not for dragonpox." She shook her head slightly. "But look at the Prophet. Yesterday's Prophet. Page six." Grace started coughing. Lily ached with the need to support her. It felt like something was dying inside her. "Don't look at me like that."

"Why not?" She forced tears back, reminding herself sternly that she'd come here to scold this woman. To force her to accept her son's company.

"There are worse ways to die." Grace hid the cloth she'd used to cover her cough, but Lily saw the blood anyway. She moaned low in her throat, pressing her forehead to the magic separating them. "How was the meeting yesterday?"

"Fine." Lily croaked, hearing the echo of Voldemort's maniacal laugh in her ears. "Normal."

"Do anything exciting after?" Grace nodded encouragingly, desperation in her eyes. "Did James take you out?"

"Um, we, ah…stayed in." She felt herself blushing. The ring was heavy on her finger. It was James' privledge to tell his mother...right?

"Oh." Grace's face fell. "I don't have the right to ask you this, but you'll look after him, won't you? Whether you love him or not—"

"I love your son, Grace." Lily interrupted, resting her forehead against the magic. "How long do you have?"

"A day." She answered, not shaky in the least. "Two if I'm unlucky."

"Unlucky?"

"I will be with my husband soon." A sad smile was painted on Grace's face. "And my son has three of the most wonderful friends in the world and you for as long as you'll have him."

"We're engaged." The words left her without conscious prompting, answering the quiet question in Grace's words. How long would she stay with her son? Grace's mouth fell open, and naked joy entered her expression.

"He asked you?" She breathed.

"I asked him." Lily met her gaze, trying to see past the pox marks. To see the woman she'd come to love. "Please let him see you." The request came out soft and pleading. Lily knew she was crying, and for the first time in her life, she did nothing to hide her tears.

"I don't want him to see my like this." Grace touched her face, mouth twisted.

"I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to my parents." Lily whispered, aching in strange and uncomfortable ways. "James didn't get a chance to say goodbye to his father. Please, Grace. I'd have given anything to speak with my mother one last time. Give that to him. It would hurt him worse to know that you'd turned him away, than for him to see you like this. Don't do this alone." For a long minute, Grace said nothing, shoulders shaking from quiet tears.

"Will you… Will you tell him to come?" Grace whispered.

"I'll go get him now." She pushed away from the magic.

"Lily?" She paused, half-turned. "Please don't come back. Women are twice as susceptible—I…" Grace coughed violently, and Lily had to look away. Her chest was tight. "I love you, Lily Evans. You've no idea… I'm so happy he found you."

"Thank you." Lily croaked. She wished she could make her voice steadier, but there wasn't a way to hide her pain. "For everything you've done for me." She touched the magic once, briefly, trying to express all of her gratitude and love in a single look. She couldn't find words for it; but Grace seemed to understand.

Then Lily was running. She flew past the wizard—probably some sort of head Healer—deaf to his shout. She didn't even know his name. Lily didn't slow; didn't have the patience to wait for a lift to take her down. She raced down endless flights of stairs, needing to be moving. Several muttered at her as she shoved past them, but Lily didn't care. She apparated to the flat, trying to get her tears under control as she trotted up the stairs. She walked in to three wands leveled at her.

"It's just me." Her words were thick with emotion. Lily held up her hands to show she wasn't armed, keeping her eyes on the floor.

"What part of 'sit tight' is so hard to understand?" James snapped, relieved and worried at once. "Moody explicitly said—"

"James, you need to go to St. Mungo's."

"What?"

"Your mother." She couldn't bring herself to look at him. "I went in as Lily Potter. They let me up to see her. James… You need to go."

"Lils, you're scaring me." She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat.

"There's…an outbreak." She spoke slowly, trying not to break down all over again. "Dragonpox." She forced herself to look at him; saw the horror play out on all of their faces. "James, I… I'm sorry." He bolted, flying from the flat without a word. Sirius started after him, and then tripped over himself to stop. He wavered with uncertainty, swaying on his feet.

"Shit…" He ran his hands through his hair, all of hell on his face.

"Sirius." The weight of the world was crashing down on her again. "Just go." Those hours last night were an illusion. The bright light of happiness she'd felt with James was a lie. She could not be free of the war. Death was in her shadow, suffocating and ever-present. She collapsed onto the couch, pressing her hands to her face.

"Do you want tea?" Remus asked quietly.

"No." She wrapped her arms around herself. "Thank you." He sat beside her, fingers laced together and resting in his lap. They stayed there for hours, shoulders just touching, waiting for James and Sirius to return. Lily felt hollow. She couldn't cry anymore. She didn't want to cry; didn't want to feel any emotion.

Darkness invaded the flat as the bright day slipped away. It turned to evening and was fading to true night. And still, neither of them moved. It was pitch black in the flat, and still they sat in silent vigil.

Finally, the door opened and two bodies came through. One was staggering badly, unable to stay upright without help. Remus was off the couch in an instant, rushing to help his friends. She stayed still, watching impassively while they carted the staggering body to Sirius' bedroom. She would have expected the drunk one to be James. Or maybe Sirius' injuries had simply caught up to him. A lone figure walked quite steadily across the dark flat—one shadow moving against the rest. He vanished into their bedroom, and she knew she needed to follow him. But she couldn't bring herself to move.

James did not re-emerge.

She was alone in the darkness, able to see only the faint outline of furniture in the dark flat. She heard the tick of the clock over the mantel. She was aware of her own heartbeat. She rose mechanically, walking to the bedroom. There was a lump on the bed, curled in a ball. She slid into the bed behind him, curling around him.

"All I see is death." James whispered brokenly. "There's no end to this."

"The only certainty in life is death."

"That's not very comforting."

"I see him too, James. Death is in my shadow, following me. The only choice we have is how we meet him."

"I'm tired, Lils."

"Sleep." She murmured, summoning his invisibility cloak. "Like this." She covered them with it. "Now death can't find us."

"Please don't leave me."

"I'm going to marry you, James Potter. I'm not going anywhere."

She listened to his breathing. She could feel his heartbeat beneath her hand. She rested her chin on the back of his shoulder. She wished there was something better she could've said to help ease his pain. But Lily didn't have the first clue how to comfort him. This was a demon they shared. She had no way to get herself from the blackness spreading through the world. She could not help him from it.

Sleeping beneath the invisibility cloak was a paltry move; playing off his story of the Deathly Hallows. But the cloak was silky and comforting. She heard his breathing even out. She was glad he could sleep. Maybe that meant she'd said the right thing. Lily nuzzled into him, wishing she could see a path from the darkness. Can we win this thing? Can we rise again, like a phoenix from the ashes?

Three days later, she stood beside James. They stood before the graves of his parents, hours after the last of the well-wishers had left. They stood together in the pouring rain, and even though she was soaked to the skin and frozen down to her bones, Lily was very glad it wasn't sunny out. She wanted the weather to match the darkness in her heart. Her cheek rested against James' shoulder. She wondered which of them was the one giving comfort. She knew it was her moment to step up and be there for him, but she couldn't find the words to be comforting. Caring. I'm a terrible girlfriend. Fiancée.

"We should go." James mumbled eventually.

"M'kay." She squeezed his hand, but still they didn't move.

"Lily?"

"Hm?"

"I'm glad you're here."

"Where else would I be?" She murmured.

"I dunno. Anywhere." He turned from the graves, wrapping his arms around her. "Off with some other guy in bar laughing at whatever he says—"

"You thought about that a lot, didn't you?"

"Yeah." He nuzzled her, arms tight. "Lils, this isn't an appropriate time, but… Will you take my name after we're married?"

"Hm." She shifted, looping her arms more comfortably around his neck. "It would get awfully confusing if we both went by James, but—"

"Lily!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it." She leaned back, offering a weak smile. He was grinning, too, so she counted it as a victory. "I quite like the sound of Lily Potter." She brushed a few loose strands of hair from his face.

"So that's a yes?"

"Of course, James."

"In my defense, you never know these days." He made a face at her. "Feminism and all that crap, you know?" He kept her arms in his, finally walking away from the graves. "Not that I have anything wrong against the concept of equal rights, mind you. But—"

"You read the gossip columns of the Prophet too much." Lily teased.

"Says the girls who was frantic to get her hands on a copy of the Prophet not four days ago." He rolled his eyes pointedly. "What was so important about that issue anyways?"

"I'll tell you when I figure it out." She said primly, flushing just a bit. She hadn't remembered the exact issue or page that Grace had told her to look at. Grace had passed before she had a chance to clarify. Lily was hesitant to bring up his mother, so she let James shrug it off as they walked through the quiet town of Godric's Hollow. He stopped inexplicably at a gate to one of the houses.

"I know you said you didn't want the nice house with a garden." James said quietly, glancing at the house. "But this was my parents' place. Their first house together." Lily looked at it, trying to be objective. On the outside, it was quaint and unique—as every house in this town appeared to be. "I'm not asking you to move in there with me, but will you stay with me for just the night? I'm…tired of running over Moony and Padfoot every time I turn around."

"I don't mind." Lily kissed his cheek. With a faint grin, he unlatched the gate and waved her through. She wondered if he meant this as a test.

"We used to come here in the summers before I started Hogwarts." James said, flipping on the lights as they went in. "My grandparents—mum's parents—lived just down the street. Dad always said they moved to the mansion because he was tired of the in-laws practically living in their house." She laughed quietly, wandering through the house slowly. It was modest compared to the mansion. This place didn't breathe money.

"I always assumed the mansion had been in your family for a while."

"Oh it had." He shrugged carelessly. "Dad's parents died before I was born, and it was their place. Hence 'Potter' mansion, you know?"

"Ah." Lily wrinkled her nose at him. She went through to the kitchen. It wasn't as spacious as the mansion's kitchen, but she could tell Grace had made some upgrades.

"It bothers you, doesn't it?"

"Hm?"

"That I come from money." James leaned against the doorframe, watching her closely. She rolled her eyes.

"It does, a little." She admitted, tracing a pattern in the granite of the countertop. "My family has nothing compared to yours. I am completely broke, and even if the Order could be considered a job, it doesn't pay anything. If my parents left me anything, Petunia's not saying. I've written to her twice, and she hasn't responded. I am living on your generosity, James, and I know you don't care. I know it's technically part of the package of us getting married, but it makes me feel like a gold-digger. At least a little bit."

"Lily, I'm perfectly aware you're not dating me for my money."

"I know." She sighed. "I know you know. It's still a little weird."

"Working for the Order is a job." He pushed away from the door to approach her. "And frankly I admire your dedication to it." He paused briefly, bracing his hands on the counter on either side of her. "I'm annoyed by it sometimes, but mostly I admire you."

"What do you think will happen?" Lily murmured, hooking her thumbs in the top of his jeans.

"Can we not talk about it tonight?"

"Would you rather christen the kitchen?" She grinned.

"I have thought about that." James admitted, glancing around. "But I'm pretty sure I can guess that my dad did something similar with my mother, which is honestly kind of a massive turn off." He pecked her lips. "No offense."

"I-I don't think I can be offended by that." Lily shook her head, forbidding her mind to come up with mental images of Grace and Howard.

"You never know. I could have been made on these counters."

"Ew! James that's disgusting!"

"I got ten galleons for every time I walked in on them." He was smirking, and Lily couldn't quite tell if he was being serious.

"That's just wrong."

"It's how I could afford my first broom."

"James Potter!"

"I'm kidding." He laughed. "You should see your face, Evans."

"That is just terrible to even think about!" She pushed her way out of his arms, shuddering. "Merlin!"

"I'm not actually kidding." He winked broadly. This time she just rolled her eyes and huffed, stomping out to the family room. He had to be kidding…right? Because she couldn't look at him properly, Lily studied the photos they had all over the place. Dozens of young James' stared at her from those photos—stared and waved then went back to whatever he'd been doing when those pictures had been taken. Lily bit her lip. The photos that had his family in them oozed love. When she finally looked at James, he'd lost all of his humor. He was staring at a picture of his parents on their wedding day.

"Lily, what are we going to do for our wedding?"

"We're going to do exactly what I told Bellatrix and Narcissa at the fundraiser." She answered softly. "Have a small, intimate wedding. Just friends."

"No family?"

"If you have family left, they're more than welcome to come." She shrugged, replacing the picture of James as an infant carefully. "Petunia certainly won't, and she's all the family I have left."

"Friends, then."

"Sirius." Lily said, drawing his gaze to her. "We'll take Sirius down to be our witness, and avoid a fight over whether he's going to be your best man or my maid of honor. And—"

"Wait just a moment. He's my best man!"

"I would fight you for him."

"Maid of honor's supposed to be a girl, Evans."

"Yeah? Well Black's the only reason we got our shit worked out, right?" Lily rolled her eyes at him. "So yes, I would fight you for him. And let me tell you Potter, I fight dirty."

"Honey, I am a Marauder. You don't want to mess with me." He tried to glower at her, ruining it by the twitching of his lips as he fought off a smile.

"I think I can handle you Potter." She tried very hard to not blink, knowing that her eye was twitching for it. James opened his mouth for a retort and paused.

"Yeah. Yeah you can." He met her gaze, and then they were laughing together, bordering on hysterics. Lily laughed until she had tears in her eyes, and James was wheezing beside her.

"Okay, okay." She gasped eventually, trying to regain her breath. "We take Sirius down with us to be all official. Then we meet our friends at a pub and celebrate there."

"Lils…"

"Nice and quiet, and appropriate for the war time atmosphere. Right?"

"Yeah, but…" Disagreement was written all over his face. "I wanted something a bit more…well more. An actual ceremony." Lily didn't want to admit it, but she shared the sentiment. She pursed her lips, frowning.

"If we do that now, then we make the Order into a target." She sighed. "Because let's face it. Practically everyone we'd invite is in the Order."

"True."

"So we do the little thing first, and get married because I don't want a five year engagement. Then, when this war is over, we can redo the wedding in full profligacy and spend extravagant amounts of money on it. Invite a bunch of people we barely know and have an excuse to have a night be all about us. Good?"

"Sort of." James frowned. "I don't know what profligacy means, but—"

"A fucking extravagant wedding, Potter."

"I want to do it right the first time." He complained, running a hand through his hair.

"When have we ever done something right the first time?" Lily scowled. "Our whole relationship is built on second chances—millionth chance if we're counting how many times you asked me out before I said yes." She raised an eyebrow at him. "I can live with doing it one more time."

"We could always wait." James offered. "I mean, just knowing—"

"No." She disagreed. "Just knowing that we'll be married someday isn't good enough for me, James. If I die tomorrow, I want to die as your wife."

"That is a complete one-eighty on everything you've said up to this point. Merlin, I can't keep up with you sometimes!"

"James—"

"Stop. I'm being stupid." He trapped her face in his hands. "I would marry you tomorrow, but Sirius will kill me if he doesn't get a chance to plan my bachelor party."

"There's going to be naked women." Lily scowled.

"He's been promising it for years."

"Fine."

"Really?"

"I'll commission Marlene to have naked men at my bachelorette party." Lily crossed her arms, daring him to argue. "See if I won't."

"How about we skip the naked people and just get married tomorrow?"

"Fine."

"Fine." He kissed her then, and Lily didn't even think about the implications of their agreement. She had no idea if James was serious about it, or if it was playful banter. Marlene will kill me if I don't wear a white dress. She put it to the side, too busy following James up the stairs to find a bedroom. She could figure out how serious they were tomorrow.