Chapter 21
Early the next morning, Natheran was eating breakfast with Duncan and talking about the arrangements for their journey to Port Last. She had not gotten much sleep last night because of the dreams she'd had. She had dreamed at first of making love with Casavir, but halfway through his face had been replaced by Bishop's. Her emotions in the dreams had gone from tender love with her knight, to raw animal lust with the ranger. Now, she was all twisted into knots, unsure of who or what she wanted anymore.
These two men were so different, so much the opposite of each other, that she felt like she was being torn in two. Casavir was everything a girl could want in a man. He was tall, strong, loyal, honorable, and protective. When she looked into his beautiful blue eyes she felt safe and comforted. If she gave him her heart, she knew he would cherish it and would devote his life to her happiness. Bishop on the other hand was the type a girl should avoid. He could not be trusted, he was dangerous, and he thought only of himself and his needs. She knew, without being told, that if she let him into her heart then one day he would break it. He didn't love himself so how could he possibly love anyone else? He scared her, but she could not deny what he had made her feel. Her mind and heart said no, but her body said yes. If she gave herself to him, he would take his pleasure, and when he grew bored he would cast her aside. Sighing, she turned her attention back to the subject at hand.
"So you should have more than enough provisions and supplies to get to Port Last," her uncle was saying. "There should be plenty of game around to supplement what you are bringing and you'll be able to resupply once you reach the town. Bishop knows the area well so you should have no problem finding ideal campspots along the way."
She had jumped when she heard the ranger's name but her uncle didn't seem to notice. She had to wonder if her uncle would be so keen on Bishop going with them if he knew what had happened yesterday. However, no one else in the party had his ability to track and hunt so he was a necessary addition, she thought darkly. On the bright side though, they had plenty of time to prepare for this journey, so they were going to have tents, blankets, and furs with them this time. They also wouldn't have to push the pace so much, so hopefully it wouldn't be as stressful as the last one. Though with what had happened the past couple days with the two men, that wasn't a sure thing. But the thought of actually sleeping in a tent made her smile.
"What's the big smile for lass?" Duncan smiled at the happy expression on her face.
"I was just thinking how much better this trip will be from the last one. I won't have to sleep in my armor all the time, and let me tell you, that will be a treat," Natheran laughed.
"Yeah, you'll actually be able to relax a little won't you?" her uncle nodded. "Now that you're a squire, you'll be able to take the time you need to gather any evidence that might be around. Lord Nasher will certainly not want you to return until you have found all the information you can. He'll want you to be as thorough as possible because the last thing he wants is to have to find you guilty."
"How do you know this? Did Nevalle say something?" Natheran asked, unable to hide her surprise.
"Yeah, Nevalle told me how much you impressed him and Lord Nasher at court yesterday. According to Nevalle, Nasher has now taken a personal interest in you. That's saying something you know," Duncan looked pointedly at her. "Having Lord Nasher's favor will open more roads to you and give you more freedom than you otherwise could have. From the stories I have heard this is the main goal of a paladin, to serve a great lord?"
"Well one of them at any rate," Natheran nodded in agreement. "Paladins are expected to lead a life of duty, whatever form that duty might take."
"Well, just keep in mind that his favor can only protect you so far. Luskans are not to be trusted, and I wouldn't put it past them to take another crack at killing you before the trial. Keep an eye out for trouble on your trip and don't get too complacent. I've already given this warning to the others," Duncan finished firmly.
"I'll be careful I promise. No more stupid stunts," Natheran smiled at him hoping to get him to relax.
"That eases my mind to hear you give your word. I know that you'll keep it. It won't stop me from worrying about you the whole time you're gone though. You may not be of my blood but I still love you like a daughter," Duncan smiled fondly at the girl before him.
It warmed her to hear this. Here was a man who loved her mother once long ago but had never gotten to know her. Yet, he gave his love freely to her, and always made sure she knew it. Daeghan may care for her, but he was not one for showing it. "Well, I still have some things to pack so I better get to it. Wouldn't want to keep everyone waiting now would I? We'll be back before you know it."
Standing, she gave Duncan a quick kiss on his cheek, and turned to head towards her room. As she did her eyes caught those of Bishop's where he was sitting at his usual table. She saw that he was fletching some arrows, and as she watched, he took one in his hands and started stroking the feathers slowly. She felt her cheeks flush at the images that went through her head, and quickly moved away. Behind her, she thought she heard him laugh softly, like he knew what she felt. Maybe he did.
Casavir stepped through the door of Sand's shop and paused a moment to let his eyes adjust to the dim interior. As he stood there he saw the wizard emerge from a room at the back and motion him to come further in.
"Ah Casavir, I see that you got my message. Very good. Please have a seat, " Sand motioned to a stool near the workbench at the back.
"Your message stated that there was some urgent matter that you needed to discuss with me in private?" Casavir queried as he sat and looked curiously at the elf.
"Yes...I needed to deepen my understanding of paladins before our little trip here. You are the only one I know," Sand looked intently at him.
"Natheran is also a paladin, in case you forgot," Casavir pointed out. "I must admit that this secret meeting you insisted upon does not sit well with me."
"Sometimes we have to do things we don't like Casavir. What I wish to discuss is not for the whole world to know and that motley group of characters hanging around the girl are not ones for keeping quiet," Sand pointed out sarcastically. "As for Natheran, she may indeed be a paladin but I don't believe she will be able to answer my questions. She seems to still be trying to understand things herself. When one seeks knowledge one does not ask the child, they ask the adult." Seeing the paladin about to voice some protest, he motioned him to silence. "I know she is not physically a child, but mentally and emotionally she is still very young."
"What questions do you have for me then?" Casavir puzzled. Despite her youth, he was certain that Natheran could answer most of the questions people usually had about paladins. The fact that Sand had come to him indicated that the ones the wizard had were not run of the mill types.
"Well...first, correct me if I am wrong, but doesn't a paladin spend years in training?" Sand got right to the heart of his problem. "Natheran is only 19 and that seems to be a rather young age for a full paladin."
"For those who choose the path of devotion, it does take time, and many don't make such a choice until they are in their teens. For some the time is less and for others it is more, but it is usaully measured in years. However, there are some for whom the path is already chosen," Casavir replied as he realized that Sand was as puzzled as he had been about Natheran's situation.
"Chosen, as in pre-ordained?" Sand mused thoughtfully.
"As with clerics, a paladin feels a calling to walk the divine path," Casavir answered as he settled into the seat better. "The training helps them to focus that calling so they can learn to hear the god's voice and see the god's presence in the world around them. This enables them to use the powers bestowed upon them. However, sometimes the gods themselves choose the person they wish to favor."
"I see," Sand stared ahead for a while thinking this over. "So it is quite possible that Helm himself chose Natheran to walk the path, correct?"
"I believe that may be the case with her," Casavir replied, a frown crossing his face as he spoke. "In fact, it is quite possible she was chosen shortly after birth. If that is the case, then her steps have been guided all while she was growing up. Also, those who are chosen do not need the extensive training that others do. Using their power comes as naturally to them as breathing does to us."
"What are the implications or ramifications in such cases?" Sand asked.
"Those that are chosen don't need to pray to open a channel to their god. The merely have to listen or not as they choose. They also are able to call upon the power of the god they serve at will and channel that power when needed. For them prayer is a way for deeper communion, not mere conversation," Casavir was beginning to see where Sand was going with this line of questioning.
"That would make them potentially more powerful than others correct?" Sand queried. "It would give them abilities that so called 'normal' paladins wouldn't have, correct?"
"That is correct. I have read stories about such chosen of the gods, and many of these stories make mention of the gods actually...possessing them I guess you could call it. On our journey to rescue Shandra, I saw Natheran do some things that point to this possibility. Might I ask what prompted this line of questioning?" Casavir didn't mind answering the wizard, but usually people didn't want to know the details of a paladin's faith.
"The events that transpired at the castle yesterday, of course," Sand stated matter-of-factly. Seeing puzzlement on the paladin's face, he realized the man had not heard yet. "You see we both know that she was not raised at any court and to the best of my knowledge she has never recieved any training in court etiquette. Yet she knew exactly what to say and do when it was required, and she did so flawlessly. When I asked her about it she told me that she just knew what to do."
"Then it is as I suspected. She is the chosen of Helm and he walks with her," Casavir's voice was filled with wonder.
"Well then, I strongly recommend that you have a little talk with her about it. She has no one else she can turn to on these matters, and she needs help understanding all of this. In my experience, a lack of understanding only leads to more problems, and the last thing we need now are more problems." Sand said sternly, hoping to impress upon the man the seriousness of the task.
"You are correct of course. I have been derelict in my duty towards her. I will rectify the situation the first opportunity I get." Standing, Casavir gave a slight nod to the wizard and walked out, leaving Sand staring at his retreating back.
Sand shook his head as Casavir left abruptly. Paladins, he thought, sometimes take things too personally.