Chapter Twenty-One: One Step Closer Away
Dean gripped the Impala's steering wheel tightly as he drove through town.
Bobby had asked him to go pick up some groceries as he'd walked into the kitchen with his brother. Dean hadn't wanted to, he had asked why Bobby couldn't do so himself. Dean wanted to stay with Sam.
The veteran hunter, however, had informed the younger man that he was expecting an important phone call from Tokyo and unless Dean knew how to speak Japanese, Bobby wouldn't be going anywhere.
So here Dean was, the Impala's backseat full of plastic grocery bags, wanting nothing more then to get back to the Salvage Yard and his brother.
Bobby had given Dean his word that he'd watch Sam while the older brother was out, and even though the elder Winchester trusted the grizzled hunter, being away from his sibling made him nervous. Even if there was an angel, wards and a tough-as-nails veteran hunter between Sam and anything that would dare threaten him, as soon as Dean was out of sight of his brother, he couldn't help but worry that something awful was going to happen just because he wasn't near Sam.
Dean couldn't even enjoy the classic rock music pumping through his baby's speakers.
Sighing, he wiped released one hand from the steering wheel and wiped a hand over his face, pausing to use that same hand to turn up the Allman Brothers as they sang 'Whipping Post'.
Two days had passed since Jo had unexpectedly visited; making it four days- four and a half- since Sam had been rescued from Lilith's clutches.
And slowly… very slowly, Sam was recovering. The morning after Jo's visit, Sam had started talking, well, sort of. Mostly he muttered in a whispered voice, a 'yes' or 'no' in answer to Dean or Bobby's questions, clamming up if either tried to engage him in more than one-word dialogue.
But it was a start and Dean couldn't ask for more. Despite the little amount of speaking he was doing, Sam still remained for the most part catatonic, not looking Dean or Bobby in the eye and flinching if- by accident- his older brother's name was spoken where he could hear it.
Dean gritted his teeth when he though about exactly why Sam cringed whenever he heard his name. As he drove through the gates of the Salvage Yard, Dean had stopped to ask Castiel about it. He hadn't left Sam's side since Jo's visit- except when his brother was asleep- and hadn't even thought to ask the angel until he was driving past him.
Stopping the Impala and rolling down the window, Dean had asked the angel if he knew why Sam could be having such a reaction to his name, especially when he hadn't acted like that the first time he'd been rescued.
"Your brother was forbidden by Lilith to speak your name," Castiel had replied, causing Dean's brow to furrow in confusion.
"But I thought Sam wasn't allow to talk at all," he had said, "What makes my name so special?"
"Your brother was able to obey Lilith's command while he was conscious and refrained from speaking," the angel explained, "But he could not while he was asleep."
Dean's frown had grown as he thought about his brother's tendency to talk in his sleep, especially if he was under considerable stress.
"Oh no," he had breathed quietly and peered up at the angel standing beside the car, "Sam said my name in his sleep."
Castiel had nodded, "Yes, and Lilith heard. Sam was punished for his transgression and made to promise not to speak your name allowed, to forget you completely, as well, since the demon queen believed you would not be able to recover him."
"What-" Dean had begun to ask then stopped, deciding that he didn't want to know what Lilith had done to his brother for daring to say his name out loud.
The angel looked at Dean, his eyes wide and wet; he knew what had happened to Sam and from his reaction, the older brother was glad he didn't ask any more questions.
"Thanks," Dean muttered and rolled up the window, his own eyes moist.
If Lilith had hurt Sam for saying his name out loud, no wonder his brother hated hearing it.
"Oh Sammy," Dean muttered as he pulled out onto the highway and turned on the radio.
W
Dean pulled in through the gate and as he moved closer to the house he noticed a figure sitting on the front step of the porch.
A figure that certainly wasn't Bobby.
"Sam?" Dean muttered, then his eyes widened in shock.
Sam was sitting by himself, no sign of the grizzled hunter anywhere.
"Damn it, Bobby," Dean swore at the older hunter and stopped the Impala, killing the engine and almost running to his brother's side.
"Sammy!" Dean called, "Where's-"
The older sibling paused, Bobby was there. Dean could see him sitting at his desk through the picture window, talking on the phone while he watched over Sam.
Relaxing, Dean sat down on the porch beside his brother. Sam's head was lowered but his shoulders seemed to lose their tension as soon as Dean came close.
"Hey, Sammy," Dean muttered, "What are you doing out here?"
His brother didn't respond but Dean didn't mind, he'd expected as much. He raised an arm and wrapped it around Sam's shoulders, his brother leaning into him automatically.
"Were you out here the whole time?" Dean asked, eyebrows knitted together in concern.
There was a long pause before he heard a quiet response, "Yes."
The older brother frowned slightly; had Bobby taken Sam outside and left him?
Knowing he would have to wait for the answer from the older man himself, Dean continued talking to his brother, telling about his shopping trip.
"…And I couldn't find that three-bean medley that Bobby just had to have… I mean, there were so many other types of beans on the shelves it took me almost ten minutes to find that…"
Dean paused in his story when the front door opened and Bobby stepped outside.
"You said you'd keep an eye on Sammy," Dean told the man, bristling.
"Aye, and I did," the grizzled hunter replied.
"Why's Sam outside when you were chatting on the phone?"
Bobby, instead of becoming insulted and defensive, smiled.
"Sam came out here all on his own about five minutes after you left," he explained, "Lookin' for you I 'spect."
Dean's mouth dropped open, "By himself?"
Bobby nodded, "I told 'im you'd be back soon but he didn't want to come back in. I figured he could use some fresh air and I was just in the living room. I could see him just fine from the front window."
Dean turned to his brother. Sam had gone outside on his own, by himself. Bobby hadn't had to lead him out to the porch as Dean had been leading his brother around the house the past few days.
Slowly but surely- taking small steps- Sam was getting better.
"I'm so proud of you, Sammy," Dean murmured to his brother and hugged him tightly, feeling his eyes prickle with tears.
"Why don't you two go in and get some breakfast?" Bobby suggested, "I'll deal with the groceries."
Dean nodded and stood, reaching down to his brother.
"C'mon Sammy," he encouraged, wondering if Sam would take his hand.
The older brother felt a lump form in his throat when Sam reached up and gripped his fingers in his own.
Shaking his head in amazement, Dean walked ahead of his brother into the house.
W
Dean took his brother into the kitchen and pulled out a chair for him. Sam sat down obediently and stared at the tabletop, head lowered.
Dean bit his lip and held back a sigh.
"What do you want for breakfast, Sammy? You want oatmeal or toast?"
For a moment Sam said nothing, as though he had to prepare himself to answer and Dean thought he wasn't going to say anything, remembering how his brother mostly still only answered to 'yes' or 'no' questions. But maybe, if he didn't have to reply in a sentence, only one word, Sam would answer.
"Oatmeal," Sam said finally, quietly, and Dean smiled, "Good choice."
Turning around, Dean grabbed the kettle and poured hot water from the tap into it before setting it on the stove and turning up the heat. Going to the pantry he picked up the box of instant oatmeal and measured out the amount needed before dumping it into a bowl. Once the water had boiled, Dean carefully poured the hot liquid into the bowl and stirred the cereal until the oats had soaked it up.
Grabbing a spoon from the drawer and bringing the bowl to the table, Dean sat down, preparing to spoon-feed Sam as he had been doing the past few days. Before he could even start, however, Sam raised a hand and picked up the spoon himself.
"Sammy?" Dean said, shocked and watched as his brother began to eat the oatmeal by himself.
The older brother leaned back in his chair, completely stunned, and tried not to stare at his sibling as Sam ate.
W
Sam remained close to his brother after breakfast. Not that Dean minded, he was just happy Sam didn't resent him for leaving him alone to do Bobby's errands.
"Want to watch some TV, Sammy?" Dean asked as he put his brother's empty bowl in the sink.
Sam didn't reply so Dean repeated the question.
Again, Dean was answered with silence. Trying not to be too perturbed, the older brother shrugged, "Okay, that's okay. We can do something else."
Sam might be getting better, showing improvement but he still had a long way to go until he was completely back to normal.
Dean looked up when Bobby brought the grocery bags into the kitchen and began helping him put the food away.
Silently, Dean reminded himself of all the progress Sam had made thus far. These were huge changes to what Sam had been like only a few days ago and although it was clear he still had a long way to go before he recovered fully, Dean couldn't be happier at the progress he was already making.
"Son. Son? You want that ice cream to melt?"
Bobby's voice jolted Dean from his thoughts and he glanced down at the tub of vanilla ice cream he was holding.
"Uh… no," he replied, sheepish, "Sorry, Bobby."
The grizzled hunter smiled as though he knew exactly what Dean had been thinking about. Bobby reached out and Dean handed him the ice cream.
Checking on Sam, Dean saw that he remained sitting at the kitchen table, head bowed, bangs covering his eyes.
Dean sighed and turned away. Bobby reached out and gripped his wrist, squeezing it.
"Yer brother's gonna get through this. He's already starting to come back to us, just keep being patient."
Dean smiled at Bobby's words and nodded, "I know, Bobby, I know."
Author's Note:
Chapter title comes from a song of the same name by The Tea Party.
Special thanks to Jenjoremy for helping me out with the start of this chapter and giving me advice when I was stuck.
Thanks to Jenjoremy, mandancie, BranchSuper, reannablue, SPN Mum, Kas3y, angeleyenc, SamDeanLover28, sarah, whimsicalbarwench, Souldarkalone, jensensgirl3, L.A.H.H, babyreaper, Jess, AlxM, angel1718, and Gembomz for reviewing.
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