A Rough Start

Chapter 21 – It's the End of the World As We Know It

Bella should have known right away that Alice was up to something when she'd called. The ominous way that she'd asked, "Are you up for company?"

It was a very un-Alice way of asking for a visit. Normally, Alice would either just show up or call and let Bella know she was around the corner from her apartment. Unless, of course, she needed something. Then Alice would courteously call ahead of time to make sure Bella had what she wanted before simply dropping by.

But the question of whether or not Bella was up for company was one Alice had never previously uttered. Alice was predictably spontaneous. And a call to find out what Bella was up to before she dropped by was not spontaneous. Nor was it predictable. Therefore, when Alice showed up an hour later, Bella had failed to predict that she'd be bringing Rosalie with her.

"We were gonna go shopping, but the weather was so dreary I just didn't want to bother. There's nothing like having rain-soaked bags in the backseat, ya know?" Alice prattled as she entered Bella's apartment like it wasn't odd that she was in the company of someone whom Bella wasn't on the best of terms with.

"Starting your Christmas shopping, eh?" Bella decided to play along. Without asking, she set glasses of iced tea on the small table in her living room. On a Thursday afternoon at nearly four-thirty, it was too early for cocktails and too late for coffee.

Alice shook her head. "I've already started. Just getting a few last minute things. We're doing this Adopt-a-Family program at work and I get to deliver all the stuff to the family, so I want to make sure they get everything on their list. I am so excited!"

Alice's chatter about Christmas got Bella to thinking about Anthony and what he might want. A smile threatened to appear, and she instantly hid it. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about shopping for airplanes and train sets with Rosalie, who would probably only roll her eyes and say that she wouldn't be caught dead buying anything for somebody else's kid.

"Edward was over at the house Monday. He said he's having Thanksgiving with you?" Alice asked.

Bella looked up to see Alice watching her eagerly. Gingerly, Bella stole a glance at Rosalie to see what her reaction was to Edward being mentioned. She was simply watching Bella as well, waiting for an answer.

"Yes," Bella said softly as she cleared her throat. "We're spending Thanksgiving here."

"That's so awesome," Alice nodded as she looked over at Rosalie.

Bella imagined herself rolling her eyes at how obvious the two were being. It was clear that Alice had given Rosalie some sort of pep talk about the fact that Bella and Edward were dating and that she'd better not say anything negative about it.

"I think we've turned this elephant every angle, but it's still in the middle of the room," Bella interjected suddenly, staring at Rosalie.

"W-what do you mean?" Alice spoke on behalf of Rosalie as she looked between her two friends. "What elephant?"

"Rosalie?" Bella asked, choosing to ignore Alice for the moment.

"What?" Rosalie stalled.

"Are we just pretending that nothing happened? Like you didn't hang up on me the last time we talked?"

Rosalie looked sternly at Bella across the room and Alice fretted as she tried to prevent any further altercation between the two.

But Rosalie spoke over Alice's calls for peace. "Actually, yeah. I was kind of hoping we could pretend that never happened." She grinned and held Bella's gaze until Bella did the same.

"Well…okay," Bella relented, not really seeing any reason to argue with Rosalie any longer. "But just so we're clear, Edward is a part of my life now, and I don't want to hear…"

"I know, I know," Rosalie held her hands up. "I'm not going to say anything against him. I mean, at first I did kind of think that you could do better…"

"Rosalie," Bella said in a warning tone.

"But," Rosalie quickly interjected, "it's clear that I'm no expert at judging character and I see now that I may have misjudged him…and you. Sorry."

It was more of an apology than Bella had ever expected to get from Rosalie, but she didn't hesitate to accept it, because for one, she deserved it, and two, it was apparent that Rosalie needed a friend. Aside from the fact that she looked absolutely horrible, Alice had previously warned Bella that Rosalie was going through a rough patch.

"Why aren't you at work?" Bella wanted to know. Rosalie worked harder than any two people she'd ever met. It was quite unlike her to take a lazy day on a Thursday afternoon.

"Well…" Rosalie began.

"She got fired," Alice spat out. "Whew!" she put her hand over her heart. "I didn't think I could hold that in much longer. Bella, isn't that horrible? Rosalie lost her job. That prick, Derek, got her canned."

Rosalie shook her head fiercely. "I didn't get fired. I quit."

"Well after that dimwit stole your sales and turned the company against you. What choice did you have?" Alice asked.

Bella and Rosalie traded glances. Alice meant well, really. She just didn't know when to…stop talking.

"I quit," Rosalie turned to Bella to clarify, "because when I turned Derek in for stealing my clients, I was basically told that if I was a good realtor, my clients wouldn't leave me."

"That isn't right," Bella objected.

"No, it's not," Rosalie agreed. "But I'm beginning to think it was the wake-up call I needed to get out of there. I've been thinking about going independent for a few years, and I think this was just the push I needed to do that."

"But what are you going to do until you get that going? What will you live on?" Bella asked in interest.

"I have a little savings. Knowing that it's all I have left in the world will motivate me to work as hard as possible and if things don't work out, the home hospice center is always hiring."

"That's where Vicki works!" Alice gasped, as if the name were poison.

"No saying that name in my house," Bella spat. "Seriously, if I ever see that woman again, I'm kicking her ass."

Rosalie sat forward in her chair. "Why? I think it's pretty safe to say that that woman poses no threat to you," Rosalie said with a weak smile; her words offered as an olive branch. However, her statement was met with a glare of intensity from Bella. "What? What am I missing?" Rosalie asked.

"She practically abused Edward's little boy," Alice answered as if she were the one who had witnessed matters first hand. "Bella had to go over there and rescue him."

"She what?" Rosalie asked in disbelief. "Did she hit him or something?"

"She hit him, she yelled at him, she swore at him…okay we have to talk about something else before I get in my car and hunt that woman down," Bella said. Edward had yet to deal with Vicki and what she'd done to Anthony, and although avoidance was Edward's manifesto in dealing with tough situations, it wasn't Bella's. She needed closure.

"Well, you've already knocked her down to size. You got the one thing she wanted: Edward – and I'm not talking about the fully clothed version," Alice quipped. "Jasper told me that she was basically propositioning Edward, but he kept telling her no."

Bella shrugged, secretly happy to have the confirmation of what she'd suspected. "I figured," she said.

"So, you're safe…if you were wondering," Alice grinned. Bella shook her head in disbelief.

"You're not subtle," Bella said.

"What?" Alice feigned innocence. "I was just offering you peace of mind."

"You were just digging to find out if Edward and I are sleeping together."

"I was not," Alice said insistently. "But are you?"

Bella looked down at her hands before she answered. "No," she said quietly. In and of itself, not sleeping with Edward didn't seem like that big a deal. On the one hand, they hadn't been seeing one another that long and there hadn't been many opportunities to be alone in that way. But on the other hand, Bella felt such an intense emotional connection with Edward. It was as if she'd known him for years. But it was hard to know if he felt the same emotional draw that she did.

Well, it would be hard to know if one wasn't acquainted with Alice Brandon.

"I knew you guys would be good for each other," Alice beamed proudly. "From the minute I saw how flustered you made him at that party for Anthony, I just knew you two would hit it off."

"Really?" Bella was surprised. She hadn't liked Edward then – at all.

Alice nodded. "He was over at the house on Monday and I overheard him tell Jasper how you seem to get him. He's really afraid of messing things up."

"He shouldn't be. Things are going fine."

"That's good," Alice smiled. "He seems really happy."

"And so do you," Rosalie added quietly.

Bella looked her friend over with an empathetic lilt. "I am," she confirmed. It was difficult to talk about just how happy she was in her committed relationship, knowing the Rosalie was just coming out of not one, but two failed relationships. Instead of adding salt to the wound, Bella changed the subject to her first Thanksgiving turkey, asking her friends if they had any tips to ensure a turkey cooked to perfection.

The afternoon faded into evening, and Alice and Rosalie politely excused themselves when Edward called to check in. While their intent was to give Bella privacy to talk to Edward, the brevity of his call didn't warrant their exit. He'd just called to say that he was tired and planned on turning in early for the evening. It was the same call Bella had gotten the night before, and if she hadn't recognized that his distant and withdrawn behavior coincided with his request for her to accompany him to his mother's house, she might have been worried.

But Edward was avoiding. He let three more days pass before he made mention of Esme again, and Bella was immediately disappointed. She'd been secretly hoping that Edward would change his mind or at least alter their agreement to include meeting at a public place or meeting without Anthony. But speaking her true feelings on the matter would insinuate that she didn't trust Esme or thought her unstable. Of course she did feel this way, but she knew better than to verbalize it. Edward could insult his mother all he wanted to, but it wasn't Bella's place to join in.

But, on the fourth day, when Edward did casually mention going over to Esme's house, Edward noticed Bella's grimacing squint and called her on it.

"I thought you said you'd come with me," he reminded her.

"I did, and I will," Bella assured him. "It's just that…well…should we really be exposing Anthony to this already? What if you decide you don't want anything more to do with your mother? Then that's one more person who's come into his life just to leave again."

When Edward remained silent, Bella thought he was considering her words. She gave him a few more, just to complete her case.

"I think it's great that you're talking to Esme, I do. But…I don't know…maybe you're a little close to the situation right now…too close to…maybe see all sides of the issue?"

Edward nodded. "I know that," he agreed. "And that's why I asked you to come. There are things that I need to put to rest. And Esme has some answers for me, but this visit isn't about that. I agreed to bring Anthony by, and she's agreed not to tell him who she really is. She's just…a friend. She just wants to see him. She's not going to do anything to him."

Bella acquiesced. "A short visit, then?"

"Yeah, we'll be in and out."

So on Saturday afternoon, Bella sat, forlorn but faithful, in the passenger seat of Edward's sedan, as he navigated toward the address that Esme had scribbled down on the now well-worn slip of paper.

The house was old and looked scarcely cared for. Cobwebs coated the porch light fixture and the wood around the windows and eaves was splintering and cracking. The pale olive-hued paint looked stained from age and dirt. A small effort could be seen, however, in a recently swept off front step and two freshly planted begonia plants on each side of the door.

Bella cautioned a glance at Edward out of the corner of her eye and saw that he, too, looked taken aback by the home's appearance.

"I see a spider," Anthony pointed at a single-strand web that dangled to the side of the door.

Edward reached down and picked Anthony up. He might have done it to keep the young boy from going after the eight-legged creature, but Bella was sure that Edward was likely as uncomfortable as she was, and holding on to Anthony made him feel a tiny bit better.

Bella stepped closer to them and rested her hand on Edward's lower back. "Ready?" she asked.

Despite the doorbell, there was a handwritten sign taped to the door that suggested that they please knock. It looked freshly written.

Edward took a deep breath, stepped forward and then rapped softly on the door. Esme answered the door so quickly that it was evident she'd been waiting just on the other side of it.

If she hadn't been expecting Bella to tag along, she gave no indication of her disappointment. Instead, she clasped her hands so tightly in front of her that Bella could see the blood rush back to her white knuckles whenever she moved her fingers.

"Welcome," she nodded tentatively at Edward, then Anthony and then Bella. She stepped back and opened the door wider, motioning for them to come inside.

Bella stepped into the foyer and looked round, while tuning her ear to hear if Esme locked them inside.

She didn't.

"I just bought a fresh bag of cookies from the store. Would you like one?" Esme asked Anthony directly. Edward and Bella traded looks.

Store bought…better than baked.

"Two, please," Anthony requested.

"One is plenty," Edward said hoarsely.

Stiffly and awkwardly they all went into what Esme referred to as the parlor. It looked like a simple living room with old and faded furniture – the type of furniture that was probably expensive when it was new, but now looked like it was ripe for a church rummage sale.

"I remember this couch…" Edward mumbled under his breath as he took a seat next to Bella. Anthony tested out Edward's lap before he hopped up and took a seat on the other side of Bella.

"He is you," Esme marveled as her eyes followed Anthony. "The resemblance is almost scary." Then she directly spoke to Bella, "I should show you his pictures when he was that age," she pointed to Edward, "You'd never be able to tell them apart."

"That's okay," Edward interrupted. "She'll take your word for it." He obviously was not interested in having Bella perusing through old photos of him.

The conversation was labored and difficult. There were long stretches of silence as Edward and Esme seemed to duck and dance around certain issues, most likely trying to remain on topics suitable to discuss in front of Bella and Anthony. It was so uncomfortable that when Anthony announced that he had to "go potty", Bella was out of her seat before he'd even finished his sentence.

"I'll take him," she said quickly. Nevermind the fact that it probably would have been more appropriate to let his father take him, or allow him to go on his own; Bella simply had to get out of that room!

After listening to Esme's directions for the location of the bathroom, Bella led Anthony down the hallway, to the left and into the first door on the right.

"I'll wait for you right here, " she pointed out in the hall as she turned the bathroom light on. Anthony nodded before closing the door. Bella's class was quickly teaching her that privacy was very important to five-year-olds.

Bella took in the décor on the walls as she waited for Anthony. There were no current family photos, only pictures from the early nineteenth century, and Bella couldn't tell if they were relatives or vintage reproductions. She guessed at the latter after she noticed the old spectacles, book belt, and pocket watched that were delicately placed on a shelf.

Slowly, Bella walked the length of the wall adjacent to the bathroom, looking at the somber faces of all the people in the pictures. She was enraptured by the history that surrounded her. Between each framed photograph was an antique artifact: a wooden-box camera, a shadowbox of silver coins, a pair of ladies gloves, a button hook…

Now it was Bella's turn to restrain her hands, careful not to reach out and touch what was probably really old and too expensive to replace if she broke anything.

Toward the end of the wall, there was an eleven-by-seventeen framed newspaper page. There was no date on it, but it was obviously very old. Bella's eyes scanned the ads for women's overskirts on sale for thirty-five cents…it referenced a tally-ho, which Bella knew was an old sightseeing carriage used in the late 1800s and early 1900s, thanks to a round of Trivial Pursuit in college.

Bella leaned in to get a closer look at the fine print, stepping off to the side so as to see better in the dim light.

Her body bumped up against something firm and resistant. Shocked, Bella quickly turned her head to find herself eye-level with another pair of eyes. A pair of eyes that looked unemotionally through her.

Bella sucked in a gust of air as she rushed to assess what exactly she was staring at.

And then the eyes blinked.

Bella let out a caterwauling, blood-curdling scream and threw herself back against the wall in an effort to put some distance between herself and the person before her long enough to determine if she was in danger.

Anthony was coming out of the bathroom at that moment and, startled by Bella's wailing, wanted nothing more than to be as close to her as possible, safely wrapped in the nearest pair of arms. Unfortunately that was the exact opposite of what Bella wanted, for she didn't know what to make of the threat that was standing just in front of her.

Edward appeared a split second later and looked frenziedly between Bella and Anthony. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"I just – th-there…there's someone right there," Bella struggled as she tried to catch her breath and regulate her heartbeat.

"Is everything alright?" Esme called from where she stood, a few feet behind them in the middle of the hallway.

"Dad," Anthony pawed for Edward to pick him up. He didn't know what was wrong, but seeing his teacher scared didn't make him feel comfortable. He was scared, too.

And then the someone stepped forward.

Bella turned to look at Edward, making sure that he saw that she wasn't crazy, and that there was, in fact, someone lurking in the corner. "Edward, who is that?" she whispered.

But when she turned to address him, she saw that all of the color had drained out of Edward's face and he stood, frozen in place, like someone watching an inevitable bullet race toward his heart.

The person in the shadows, a man, had stepped forward and was eyeing Anthony with a peculiar interest.

"Daddy?" Anthony asked, sharing in Bella's anxiety over the man before them, and therefore pleading to be picked up.

Suddenly, Bella jumped and started as a deep, spiraling maniacal laugh erupted from the man. He fixed his gaze eerily on Edward and pointed.

"Daddy?" He humorlessly laughed.

Esme's heels beat the floor as she ran down the hall and past Edward and Bella to the man with the wild look in his eyes.

"No, no!" Esme pushed him back toward an open door. "Carlisle, no!"

"You don't get to be daddy!" Carlisle yelled at Edward as if Esme wasn't present, pushing and pressing him back into the room he'd come out of. "You took daddy away from me! You do not get to be daddy, you murderer!"

Bella immediately placed her hands over her mouth in horror of the things the older man began to shout at Edward.

And Edward just stood there as if the words here closed-fisted blows to his body. Each phrase, each rage-laced comment knocked him back just a bit, until he was flat against the wall with no where else to go.

"C'mon, Edward," Bella shook him slightly. "Let's go."

That was all the coaxing Edward needed to catapult him into motion and get him out of that house. He reached down and swooped up Anthony, held his hand out to Bella and then pulled her along after him as he made a dash for the front door.

"Edward!" Esme ran after them. "Edward, please! Wait!"

But Edward paid her no attention. There was a wild desperation to his eyes and he hurried off the porch and to the car. Bella didn't think twice as she grabbed for his keys and let herself into the driver's side of the car. If Edward minded, he gave no indication. He simply made sure Anthony was buckled in before getting in on the passenger side and locking the door.

"Get the hell outta here," he muttered.

As she peeled away from the house, Bella noticed the green tint to Edward's face. She turned the fan to cool and moved the dial to the highest setting. He nodded in gratitude as he leaned forward and rested his head against the dash.

"Who was that man?" Anthony wondered from the backseat. "He was scary."

When Edward offered no commentary, Bella tossed a slight smile Anthony's way through the rear view mirror. That man was more than scary. His shockingly blonde hair, his vacant eyes and his menacing laugh. That man was terrifying.

But he was Edward's family.

"Was that your father?" Bella whispered so that Anthony wouldn't hear.

But perhaps Edward also didn't hear, because he surely didn't answer.

In fact, Edward didn't mutter a word the entire way home, and Bella cringed when she thought of what the night would hold for him and his son in the frame of mind he was in.

"Dad, I'm hungry," Anthony piped up from the backseat. "Dad?"

Bella glanced over at Edward and tapped him lightly on his thigh. "Do you have plans for dinner? Anthony's ready to eat," she said.

Edward mumbles something undecipherable.

It was then that Bella realized how well Edward knew his limitations. This was why he had wanted her to accompany him. The just in case clause. Edward had known that if something triggered and upset him that he would need Bella to step in and oversee Anthony while he got his bearings.

Although Bella didn't understand why he would submit himself, and Anthony, to a situation that could have such emotionally rendering consequences, she did understand that Edward's need of her presence didn't end when they stepped off Esme's threshold.

Bella quickly drove through the first drive-thru window she found and ordered the most nutritious meal for Anthony that she could manage. Then, without input from Edward, she drove to her apartment and was surprised when Edward got out of the car and followed her inside with no argument.

Without words, Bella silently encouraged Edward to take all the time he needed to process what had just occurred, while she fed and entertained Anthony. After dinner, a movie, and two games of tic-tac-toe, Bella prompted Anthony for bed.

"In the blue bed?" he asked with curiosity. "I'm sleeping here?"

"Uh-huh," Bella said, trying to keep the interaction as brief and light as possible.

"What about my dad? Where's he sleeping?" Anthony wanted to know.

"Uhhh…" Bella's eyes quickly darted over to where Edward was sitting on the sofa with his chin resting in his hands – lost to the world. "Don't worry. Daddy's not going to leave you. He'll be here, too." Bella paused to listen for Edward's objection. He said nothing.

Anthony submitted to two bedtime stories before modestly hiding his underwear-clad bottom half beneath the blue blanket.

"Where is my dad sleeping?" Anthony said as Bella stood in the doorway wishing him sweet dreams.

"I don't think he's decided yet. Maybe on the couch…or maybe I'll sleep on the couch and let him sleep in my room. Why?" Bella wondered at Anthony's motivation for such a query.

"Sometimes I get scared and then I go in his bed," Anthony answered.

Bella rested her head against the doorjamb and looked upon the small little boy beneath the comforter.

"What scares you?" Her question was laced with concern for the memories and thoughts that possibly haunted Anthony when he closed his eyes.

"The dark," Anthony answered matter of fact.

"Well then I'll leave the light on," Bella winked at him before leaving the room. She was just about in the hallway before she heard Anthony's faint voice call out to her.

"Hug," he requested.

Bella turned to face him with her hands on her hips. "Now why hadn't I thought of that?" she pretended to scold herself. Quickly, she retreated over to Anthony's bedside and gave him an enveloping squeeze. After placing a soft kiss atop his head, she wished him sweet dreams and promised to come running if he needed her.

That was all it took to settle him in for the night.

But from the looks of it, his father wouldn't settle down so easily.

Bella reappeared in the living room to find that Edward had moved to the kitchen where he was staring out the little window.

"I told Anthony that you guys were going to stay here with me for the night. I hope that's okay. You just didn't seem like you were up to…" Bella trailed off when it seemed like Edward wasn't listening to her. "Edward?"

"Yeah, that's fine," he answered softly.

"You're welcome to take my bed. I'll set up out here on the-"

"I'm not gonna take your bed, Bella," Edward seemed irritated at the idea. "I'll be fine."

"I just thought that maybe –"

"I said I'll be fine!" Edward insisted.

Bella backed away in silent surrender. She deposited a blanket and spare pillow on the couch before locking herself in her bathroom with a fresh pair of pajamas.

The heat of the water penetrated Bella's skin and soothed her nerves as she hunched down under the stream. She wondered if Edward would still be at her apartment when she exited the shower, or if he was scuttling around at that very moment, making an escape.

Out of his presence, Bella allowed her mind to reveal to her what she'd heard in Esme's house. That man had called Edward a murderer. A murderer? And worse yet, Edward had just taken it. He didn't negate the haunting words of the old man whose face bore the same nose and rigid jaw line as Edward.

Whatever the man had meant, his words had sent Edward into a tailspin. Bella had never seen anyone rendered so unresponsive by harsh words and Edward's reaction had her wondering at the validity of the old man's ramblings.

The water began to turn tepid, and Bella took that as her cue to end her shower. She took her time drying off and changing into her bedclothes, anxious of what awaited her once she stepped out of the bathroom. Would Edward be completely disagreeable and instigate a quarrel or would he remain the comatose man he'd become since they'd left Esme's home earlier that afternoon?

When Bella stepped into her bedroom and found Edward sitting on her bed, staring down at his shoes, she knew that he would be neither of those things.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't mean to snap at you."

Bella stepped over to him and sat down next to him. She hesitated a moment before awkwardly placing one hand on his back. When he didn't shrug her off, she moved closer and began to rub his back softly. "It's okay, Edward," she whispered.

He let out a dubious pshaw. "I think it's about as far from okay as you can get."

In the time that they'd spent together, Bella learned that Edward often wound himself up like a spinning top. He'd work himself into such a frenzy that if anything got in his path once he began to agitate, much like a spinning toy, he was easily derailed him and sent down unpredictable paths.

So Bella remained silent, her hand moving in light, repetitive circles between his shoulder blades.

"I just…you know, Anthony likes it here," Edward mumbled. "I didn't want to make him leave, but first thing tomorrow morning, we'll be out of here."

Bella moved to reach for Edward's hand. He let her hold it for a moment before he bent over and grabbed fistfuls of hair in aggravation. In an effort to comfort him with her proximity, Bella leaned over and rested her chin atop his shoulder.

"You know you don't have to go, Edward," she assured him. "I don't want you to leave."

The atmosphere quietly roared. Angry rain pelted against windows and Edward Cullen seethed in forced solitude.

"You heard what he said." It was a statement, not a question.

"Who?" Bella kept her voice low.

"Him."

"Was that your father, Edward?"

Edward chortled humorlessly. "He quit being my father a long, long time ago." Then, when he turned and looked at Bella, she saw Anthony so clearly in his features. She saw the weight of turmoil, the loneliness of loss and fear; oh so much fear. "You heard him, didn't you?"

Bella wondered if answering truthfully was the right thing to do, but Edward was watching her so closely that she knew he'd be able to tell if she were lying.

She nodded.

"And you want to know if it's true," he said.

"I know it's not true," Bella insisted.

Edward balked and moved to distance himself from her. "But you don't know. How can you know, when every other person who knew me didn't?"

Bella shrugged. "I just know."

"How?"

"Because of how broken you are by the mere accusation…if it were true…I don't think you could…stand up under it," Bella whispered the last few words.

Edward neither confirmed nor denied Bella's assessment. He just continued to stare at his hands, locked in his own mind.

"Remember that song about ironic things? Except none of the examples in the song were actually ironic?" Edward suddenly asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Bella said, even though she wasn't sure Edward actually expected her to answer.

"Well that's my life. Purely ironic," Edward stifled a harrumph. "When I was ten, I asked my mom for an Air soft gun. My friend's older brother had gotten one and he used to have these cool Air soft wars at his house. Anyway, I really wanted one, but my mom said no way; she thought I was too young.

"For months I tried to talk her into it, but she kept saying no. Finally, she said I could have one for my twelfth birthday. I know she thought I would forget, but there was no way I was giving up on that. And right before my twelfth birthday, my dad took me to Forks Outfitters and made me listen to this half-hour presentation on gun safety."

While Edward paused in his story, Bella sat waiting to find out what any of this had to do with the fact that his father, for all intents and purposes, was crazy.

"I could tell the guy was doing my dad a favor and therefore he took twice as long as necessary to explain how to clean and clear a jam. I remember being bored to tears," Edward smiled ruefully. "But it was so worth it because on the night before my twelfth birthday, my mom handed me an Air soft rifle," Edward stopped to smile at the memory. "They gave it to me early because I'd planned to spend my birthday having an Air soft war with my friend and his brother's friends. The first thing I did when I got the rifle was call Jimmy and tell him how heavy it was and how slow I'd be. We spent the whole next morning practicing, but I was still slow. Jimmy had a small pistol and I liked the way his gun worked better than mine, so we took turns trading off."

Edward stopped suddenly in his story. The hardship presented by continuing was evident in the way his eyes began to water and his breath strained through his lips. He opened and shut his mouth a couple times before he seemingly gave up and quit trying.

Bella continued to sit, content to share her space with Edward. She resumed her ministrations across his lower back.

"It's okay, Edward," she said soothingly.

"I was seven when she was born," Edward murmured. "Most of the time, I liked having her around. She was so little…like Anthony. She loved it when I gave her piggyback rides. She'd hang on for hours if you let her. And most of the time I didn't mind having her around. But sometimes I just wanted to be with my friends, you know?"

Bella feared her voice would disrupt the roll of Edward's now flowing speech, so she simply nodded to indicate her comprehension.

"When Jimmy came over before the Air soft war, I told her to get out of my room. 'Go see Mom', that's what I said. Jimmy had snuck one of his brother's Air soft guns out of the house for me to use instead of my slow, heavy rifle. I didn't want my parents to know that I wasn't using the gun that I'd begged for so we were up in my room with the door closed.

"I didn't even hear her come in. I was too busy trying to figure out how to make that Air soft gun work, since it was different from any one I'd ever used before." Edward sniffed before nervously pulling his hands though his already rowdy hair. "I remember holding the gun flat in my hands thinking it was much heavier than the one Jimmy had. I also couldn't get the trigger to work. I thought he was giving me a fake gun or some prank gun that didn't work so that I'd get out on the field and get creamed.

"Jimmy said I just didn't know how to work it and he reached over and hit something on the gun and pulled the trigger." Edward's voice grew rough with emotion. "It backfired in my hand," Edward touched an imaginary bruise. "And it was so loud…my ears were ringing…and then Jimmy started screaming. And I laughed. I fuckin' laughed because I thought he was screaming because he was scared. But then he pointed…and she…she was laying on the floor…there was blood everywhere."

Bella gasped in horror and covered her mouth as the recognition of what Edward was recalling settled upon her.

With a vacant expression on his face, Edward went on to tell how his parents rushed up to his room and found his wall spattered with blood, his sister laying lifeless with a gun-shot wound to the head, and Edward, in the middle of his room, with a .45 caliber weapon.

"My mom went ballistic. She started screaming for my sister to be okay, screaming for someone to call the ambulance, screaming for my dad to help. But my dad wouldn't move. He just stood there, staring at me with this horrified expression on his face. It wasn't until he asked me 'why' that I realized what I was holding and what he was thinking."

"Everything after that is kind of a blur," Edward went on. "Jimmy started throwing up and I think I went into shock… The next thing I remember was the cops showing up, Jimmy's parents saying I told him to steal the gun…and my parents…they wouldn't say anything to me. I kept asking what was happening and no one was saying anything.

"I spent the night at a detention center. I kept thinking that my parents would come for me. And then my mom came like…four days later. They locked us in this room to talk. That's when I realized that I was in trouble. Up until then, I thought that my parents had been staying with my sister in the hospital or something. Nobody told me anything until my mom came that day. She told me that my sister had died and that Jimmy's parents had hired an attorney and were suing my parents for negligence. She told me that Jimmy had said that I'd taken the gun from his house and that he was trying to get it back from me when it went off. She asked me…she asked me if I did it; if I shot my sister on purpose."

"But you told her, right? You told her you didn't do it," Bella rushed in.

"My mom wasn't there to get my side of the story, Bella. She was there to tell me that my sister was dead, that I was being held responsible, that I had to go to court to tell the truth and until that happened, I couldn't go back home."

Bella's eyes watered under the weight of the tragedy she'd just learned about. "What happened when you went to court? Why wasn't it obvious that you weren't guilty? Didn't they see the other boy's fingerprints on the trigger?"

"My fingerprints were on the trigger, too, Bella. I'd been trying to operate the gun before Jimmy took it off safety and shot…" Edward sighed. "But in the end, it was my word against his."

"So neither of you was convicted? Everyone had to know you were innocent." Bella stated.

Edward shrugged. "All I remember is that one day, the questions stopped. I don't know how much time had passed, but I was moved to this place, it was like jail for kids or something, but I wasn't kept with anyone else and people were nice to me, for the most part. Anyway, no one was asking me anything about what happened anymore, so I thought I was getting ready to go home. And then my mom came to see me one last time…"

Bella averted her eyes when she heard the anguish in Edward's voice and knew that he was near tears.

"Like a fuckin' idiot, I thought she was there to take me home," he shook his head. "But she wouldn't even come in the room. She just stood on the other side of the glass staring at me and crying. And then she left.

"The next time I saw her, I was sitting across from her and my dad in a courtroom, listening to some guy in a tan suit tell me that my parents deemed themselves as unfit to care for me and remanded me to the state."

"They gave you up willingly?" Bella was appalled. "Why would they do that?"

Edward stared silently at his lap for a long while. "That's the same question I asked myself for years," he said. "And I finally had to answer the question for myself: they thought I was guilty. They thought I'd murdered my sister and even if it couldn't be proven, I'd been convicted in their minds."

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry," Bella offered, though her words sounded weak and diminutive to her own ears.

"That's why I went, you know," Edward looked into Bella's eyes for the first time in hours. "She…Esme…that day in the park, she told me she knew I didn't do it. She told me that if I was willing to give her a chance to explain her side of the story, that I'd understand why she did what she did. She offered me freedom, Bella, from this lifetime of guilt, if I just let her see her grandson up close – just once…" Edward trailed off as he lay down on his back and covered his face with his hands. He made no sounds; no movements. He simply laid there, shutting out sight and sound, wrapped in self-inflicted shame as if his past didn't warrant the price of his pain.

Bella looked on helplessly as Edward lay broken and bare before her, intent on shutting her out. Tentatively, she reached over and placed her arm across his waist, in an attempt to hold him in comfort. He didn't' resist but he also didn't respond. It would have been easier to move a corpse.

"Edward," Bella breathed as she stretched out beside him and held herself tight against his body, "I continue to be amazed at your strength and your courage through all the obstacles life throws your way," she mellowed into his ear. "You know who you are, Edward. In your heart, you know the truth. Don't let anyone take that away from you. I know what your dad said hurt you, but you can see the truth while he's still blinded by the lies of the past. You've grown from that little boy he knew into a responsible, trustworthy, hard-working, strong man. He's missed all of that, Edward. He doesn't know you. But you know you. You know the truth. You've always known."

Bella continued to whisper encouragement into Edward's ear as the words came to her. Over and over she continued her spoken litany with its theme of strength, worth, courage and innocence. Edward lay immobile through it all, so much so that Bella wondered if he was still awake. She quieted her voice after awhile and made a motion to get up. However, before she could do so, Edward rolled on his side to face her. He buried his face against her neck and wrapped his arms around her, holding on tight, like a drowning man to a lone life preserver.

Edward would be twenty-five years old on his next birthday, and judging from the shattered man that lay bound against her torso, breathing in her weighty words, Bella felt compelled to shower him with thirteen years worth of affirmations. so without missing a beat, she started up again, peppering his cheek with affectionate kisses, and his ear with tender words.

"You are a ray of shining light to all those who are fortunate enough to come into contact with you. You are good, Edward. I know it. Anthony knows it. Esme knows it," Bella paused a moment before adding, "Your sister…"

"Claire," Edward whispered.

"Claire knows it," Bella affirmed.