A/N: I don't own any part of the Twilight universe, but you guys already knew that.
Special thanks to all of you that voted for EverClear in the Moonlight Awards. Voting ends today, so if you haven't already, go log on and vote.
A very special thank you to Shannon who created an EverClear radio station at Slacker (dot) com. It's amazing and I highly recommend you check it out. I am working on getting her a list of all the songs referenced in the two stories and there will even be a few hints of the songs that are yet to come.
Playlist:
Solitude-Evanescence
Forgive Me-Evanescence
These are older songs but you can still find them on YouTube. If you have any issues with finding them, just send me a PM and I'll forward a link to you.
Chapter 21-History
BPOV
"Open the door you two," a rather muffled but still pissy voice yelled from far away, pulling me from my blissful sleep.
I was only vaguely aware of the movement beside me, followed by the dip of the cushion beneath me. Cushion? I didn't have to be fully awake to realize that Edward would have moved us to the couch during the night, probably fearing that the floor would make me stiff or sore. Immediately, my body realized it was missing something and I curled into the lingering cold of the fabric below me while simultaneously pulling the fluffy comforter higher up my shoulder.
"I can't believe you actually answered the door. I've only tried to call a dozen time in the last six hours," I heard Chip's irritated voice from across the room.
No, no, no. I wasn't ready for the outside world to intrude upon the icy cocoon Edward and I had hidden ourselves in for the last however many hours. As much as I loved Chip, I really hoped that Edward would send him away. But even as the thought occurred to me, I realized it was a futile wish. There was no way that Edward would ever be so rude as to turn him away, particularly when he stood just outside the door.
I heard the click of the door as it swung shut and the soft footsteps as they neared. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut against the invasion and hoped that if I lay perfectly still; I wouldn't have to deal with Queenie just yet.
"Jesus, Edward! I know that you are dead, but she's not. Although she will be when she catches pneumonia from this room. Why in the hell is it so cold in here?" Chip asked, partially amused partially concerned. Without peeking at him, I knew what look would be on his face. His brows would be scrunched together but the corners of his lips would be slightly turned up.
"She asked me to make a fire last night," the voice of my dreams said from very nearby. Seconds later, I felt the cushion dip again and then the perfect cold of his body as he slid between my body and the back of the couch. With no conscious thought, I rolled over and buried myself against his chest. I felt him pull away the soft fabric of the robe from his body and tuck it around me, effective securing me against his still very naked body. I wiggled closer, only to feel his erection press against my stomach and I couldn't help but let the small sigh that bubbled to the surface escape.
"I don't have to ask what you two were up to last night," Chip chuckled. "You look like an advertisement for the sexually sated, not to mention the bed head your sporting."
I felt Edward laugh quietly as he wrapped his arm around my upper back and pressed a delicate kiss to the top of my head. I smiled against his skin and kissed the hard skin above his silent heart, my absolute happiness breaking through my attempt to feign sleep.
"You're a terrible actress, Love. You might as well roll over and say good morning. It's only a matter of time before he gets bored of talking to me and wakes you up himself," Edward said softly against the shell of my ear.
"I don't want to wake up yet. I was having this fabulous dream about you and a fire place and a very soft couch," I grouched against his chest, my eyes still squeezed tightly shut.
"You little shit. How long have you been awake?" Chip yelled louder than was necessary considering he was less than ten feet away from me.
I rolled over, not bothering to brush the hair from my eyes and laid my head against the pillow at the end of the couch. I smiled brilliantly at him as Edward adjusted both the terry cloth bathrobe and the comforter around me. He was dressed, as usual, in a very loud bold print shirt; perfectly tailored slacks and his bright red glasses perched precariously on the end of his nose. He smiled at me, reassuring me that his anger was nothing more than a ruse before he laughed again.
"Ok, I take it back. Edward has the bed head going this morning, but you, my dear, are the epitome of the sexually sated." He rose from the oversized chair and crossed the room to the thermostat. "Do you mind if I turn this up? You could hang meat in this room."
"Good morning, my queen," Edward whispered as I looked up and into his dark eyes. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine for just a moment before his tongue slid slowly into my mouth. I opened my mouth wider to him, inviting him deeper. I felt his hips rock against my backside as his grip around my waist tightened.
I was on the verge of forgetting everything else in the world and concentrating only on the feel of his body against mine when I jolted away from him. My hand flew to my mouth and the look of shock on his beautiful face made me feel horrible.
"Dragon breath," I stated flatly from behind my fingers. "I imagine fruit and cheddar cheese aren't particularly appetizing. I'm sorry, I must taste awful."
"If he tells you that your nasty morning breath is cute or sweet, I will truly gag," Chip snarked as he reclaimed his seat across from me.
"Good morning to you too," I said as I laid my head back down against the pillow. I felt Edward stretch out behind me and prop his head in his hand above me. "Can I ask why you're here so early?"
"Child," he snorted, " It's nearly noon. If you call that early, we need to get you a new watch. We need to talk about a few things and I'm here to let you guys in on the plan for the evening before the mutant shows up."
I groaned. The mutant could only be JP and if Chip needed to warn us of the plans for the evening, it couldn't be good. Edward laughed loudly at my obvious distress before he kissed my bare shoulder, effectively earning himself forgiveness before I'd even had a chance to get irritated. I caught the slightly worried look on Chip's face just as Edward's hand tightened against my stomach. I knew both men well enough to know that Chip was hesitating telling me whatever it was that was on his mind and that Edward has picked the unpleasant thought from his mind.
I rubbed his forearm as he clutched me tightly, trying unsuccessfully to ease the tension that had set into his muscles. I turned my head and gazed at him. His eyes had darkened and his jaw was clenched. I looked quickly at Chip, who had by that point noticed my husband's reaction to his thoughts. He had a serious expression on his face but there was none of the anger that Edward was clearly trying to rein in. I rolled over on my back and touched Edward's cheek with my hand, trying to turn his head toward me. After a second, it registered with him what I was doing and he turned to face me. Almost reluctantly, a small smile spread across his lips and he leaned into my hand.
"Baby, it can't be that bad. Just tell me what's going on please."
"Sebastian made bail last night. He was arraigned early yesterday morning and some idiot let the lunatic out," Edward spat.
"He has to wear an electronic monitoring device on his ankle and he's not allowed anywhere near you or JP, but he is out," Chip added in his best soothing tone. I knew this voice well. It was the same voice that he used every time I had a panic attack. I turned my head slightly to look at Chip and nearly laughed. It was only the seriousness of their words that allowed me to keep my composure The identical looks of dread as they stared at me told me that both of them were expecting the rapid heart beats and the labored breathing to begin at any second.
"So?" I said as confidently as I could manage. The truth was, the idea of him being free scared me. The thought of Sebastian out and wandering the streets with the information he possessed terrified me. But not because I thought he would try to come after me again. I was scared of what his ranting could do to Edward.
"Bella!" they chorused in indignation. Edward has shot up from his reclining position and was hovering over me with his left hand bracing himself against the arm of the couch. His eyes had turned pitch black in an instant and almost glowed with the intensity of his anger.
"Just hear me out, Edward. Yes, it worries me that he is out but not because I think he'll come after me again. It worries me that he'll run his mouth about what you are. I just don't want him to stir up any more trouble for you or your family."
He opened his mouth to argue with me but before he could get a word out, I placed my hand over his lips. The moment my fingertips made contact with his mouth, he puckered his lips and kissed my hand. The action was so endearing that I smiled because it was obvious his actions were completely subconscious. It was the same as when he touched me. My body instinctively leaned into and sought out even the most inadvertent of his touches.
"As for me, if the SOB is stupid enough to actually try and come after me, he deserves what he gets. For God's sake, Edward, you still stand outside the door when I go to the bathroom. There is no possible way you'd leave my side with him out. I know that and I love you for it. Between you, Jaz and Em, there is no possible way he could get near me."
After a long silence, I felt his body relax. He sighed deeply and then dropped his head to my chest. He wrapped his arms around me tightly as he laid his cheek against my sternum and hugged me beneath comforter. I stroked my nails over his scalp, marveling once again at the satin texture of his wild hair. With each pass I made, his body sank further into mine and his anger dissipated.
"How did you know he still stands outside the door?" an amused Chip questioned while smiling indulgently at the two of us.
"Because I can smell him when he's leaning against the door listening to me pee," I laughed. Chip howled with laughter at my answer and made a smart-assed comment about how bottling Edward's scent and selling it was his retirement plan. Edward shook as he laughed at my observation, and probably Chip's comment, but he didn't bother to try and argue with what I was saying. He knew he was busted.
"You're right, Love. There is no possible way I would leave you alone for any amount of time with him out. So don't even try to fuss about it," he said as he raised his head enough to look at me sternly. "But please don't worry about me. The more he rants at this point, the more likely he is to spend the next several years locked away in an institution for the criminally insane. It would actually help the prosecutor's case."
"Oh, and he is being sent back to Seattle for monitoring. Epic is paying for a round the clock security team to watch over his every move. I talked to Bree this morning; by the way, Epic is terrified that you or JP is going to sue the shit out of them for encouraging performances with the shithead when they knew there was a problem. Anyway, according to her, they are only doing it because EMD's new album is still in the editing process. They want to be able to push out the CD so that they can capitalize on the exposure. I'm sure they realize this is the last album they will get out of them and the vultures intend to drain every drop of profit possible before their former shining star goes to prison."
"Is he really that good? That they would go to all the trouble and expense to protect him?" Edward asked sincerely.
"Yeah, at least he was," I told him truthfully. Before he'd gone off the deep end, Sebastian had all the makings of a true superstar. His voice combined with his musical ability and his intelligence had been a combination that seemed destined for the big leagues. Even despising the man, even I couldn't deny the sheer talent the man possessed.
"Okay, so the bad news is out of the way. You want the so called good news?" Chip snorted as he made a very blatant attempt to divert the attention away from Sebastian.
"Yes"
"No"
Edward looked up at me and smirked as we'd both answered. Our diametrically opposed answers seemed to humor him and I was thrilled to see that his eyes had softened. He kissed me quickly before looking to Chip, waiting for him to reveal his secret. My best friend had just opened his mouth to when a loud bang on the door interrupted him.
"Oh, good grief," Edward sighed as he put his forehead against my chest and chuckled. "You're going to want to put your bathrobe on, baby. We have more company."
"Open the door. You two have been bumping uglies long enough," JP screamed through the door.
"He is completely fucking insane," I grumbled as Edward shifted off me. Chip grabbed the discarded robe from the floor and tossed it to me. Without thinking, I threw the comforter back and stood up off the couch, paying no attention to the fact that I was completely naked.
"Um, baby," Edward said under his breath as he cleared his throat.
"Oh relax, Adonis. I've seen her naked before," Chip retorted to my husband's attempt at protecting my modesty. He rose from the chair once again and made his way toward the door to let in the madman that was now beating a steady rhythm against the door.
I turned to see Edward looking over my body appraisingly. He cocked his eyebrow as he met my gaze and licked his lips. The sentiment in his eyes was so obvious that it took my breath. I pulled the edges of the silk around my self and tied the ribbon securely around my waist, never once looking away from him. He reached out with both hands and grabbed my hips. With a gentle tug, he pulled me until I stood with my knees pressing against the edge of the couch and wrapped his arms fully around my waist. Very sweetly, he pressed a kiss against my stomach as I held his head against me.
"We need to make this a quick conversation," Edward mumbled as he kissed his way across my stomach.
"Yo! Bitch, I got some news!" JP yelled as he barreled into the room like a bull in a china shop. He stopped in his tracks when he saw the two of us, dressed in our robes and wrapped up in each other. He smiled wickedly as his eyes cut around the room, obviously taking in the cluttered living room. The tray of mostly eaten food lay on the hearth beside the fireplace, the guitar was propped haphazardly against the end table next to the chair Chip had just vacated and the comforter from the bedroom was still spread out across the couch. It was obvious that we'd been up most of the night and probably obvious what we'd been up to.
"Well, well, well! Looks like our babies discovered living room sex last night. I'm so proud. I think you two may be ready for the advanced course," he mocked as his long dread locks bounced with his laughter. "Eddie, how do you feel about menage…"
"Finish that sentence and EverClear will need a new bass player," Edward growled. His tone of voice was steely but his eyes danced with amusement. JP just lifted his hands, palms out, in surrender.
"Just kidding. Dang, relax dude. I know she's yours, no need to go all barbarian on me."
JP turned to me and smiled wider and more genuinely than I could remember in a long time. I took in his appearance quickly and realized there was something slightly different about him. He wore his standard vintage tee shirt and torn up jeans, but he appeared much more alert and awake than usual. I'd often kidded him about being a vampire himself because JP rarely seemed fully attentive before sundown.
"What's up with you today? Did you stumble into a harem of mute bimbos last night?" I kidded him.
"Naw, I actually went to sleep last night. I had two beers with the guys and then came back to the hotel. Alone."
Shocked wasn't the word for the expression that must have crossed my face. I couldn't remember the last time my man-whore buddy had seemed happy about spending an evening alone. I turned to face Edward with a mock surprise expression on my face and noticed that he was grinning at JP like a fool.
"Oh, no baby. The world ended last night. Hell actually froze over and we didn't even notice."
"Oh, shut the fuck up, Bitch. Very funny. No, really, I had a good night and I came up with a really cool idea I want to run by you. But I've got some news first." He was practically bouncing in anticipation of his news.
He looked like a kid at Christmas as he waited for me to ask him about his news or his idea. I loved to see JP like this. This was the man that I had bonded with the very first night we'd met. This was the man that had been the creative spark that had brought EverClear together. I wanted to prolong whatever it was that had him so light and free of the smut-dog exterior he usually wore to hide his own demons.
"So, what's your news?" He cut his eyes behind me to Edward, who visibly gasped at whatever thought ran through his mind. I turned to look over my shoulder at Edward and swayed on my feet slightly. He was looking back at me with absolute undiluted pride pouring from his every pore. "What? Tell me," I demanded.
"Open Door is number one," JP said in a smooth, unconcerned tone.
"What did you say? Open Door is…" I sputtered almost incoherently.
"Open. Door. Is. Number. One." The smile on his face was electric. He opened his arms out widely just as I threw myself at him. He lifted me off the ground with no more effort than Edward did and spun us both around in circles. He sat me down on my feet and pulled back enough to look at me for a second before he leaned forward and kissed me. "We did it, Bitch. We did it," he crowed before he hugged me against his chest again.
I leaned my cheek against him as he turned us to face Chip and Edward. They were both clapping loudly and smiling as widely as we were. In the space of a single blink, both were wrapping their arms around us. Chip stretched up on his tiptoes and kissed JP's cheek while Edward leaned his head down and kissed me forcefully.
"Baby, I am so proud of you," Edward purred in my ear. "I knew you guys could do it, you are so fucking good."
"Oh, baby girl, I always knew you guys would make it. I love you," Chip said through the tears that streamed joyously down his cheeks.
"I love you too. This wouldn't be possible without you, Queenie," I said through my own tears of happiness.
"Hey, what are we missing," Emmett's voice boomed from the door.
We all spun toward the door to see Emmett and Alice gracefully moving toward us. Alice was obviously in on the news because her smile was much too knowing. She flew to us, not bothering with human speed, and inserted herself into the middle of our tangle of affection. I felt her tiny arms wrap around my waist as she leaned up and kissed JP.
"Damn it, why am I the odd man out? What am I missing?" my hulking brother whined as he put his hands of his hips and stared at us.
"Open Door is number one on the charts, Em," I told him as I stepped toward him.
"Holy shit," he gasped as he picked me up. He placed his hands under my arms and then lifted me six feet into the air, his arms straightened above his head. The height was dizzying but I knew I was safe in my brother's arms. I squealed as he threw me up slightly, much like an infant would be tossed playfully into the air by its father.
"Dude, don't drop my wife please," Edward laughed as he watched us, his arm still slung around JP's shoulders.
"Damn, Peanut. I can't believe it. I am so freaking proud of you," he said sincerely as he placed me on my feet. He shifted his gaze to JP and extended his hand out. As soon as JP reached across to shake his hand, Emmett wrenched him into a giant bear hug. "Fucking awesome dude. Truly."
"So you know this means we have to celebrate tonight, right?" JP said through the huffs of breath he was struggling to take while still locked in the vice-like embrace of the giant vampire that held him. "Metallica is in town tonight, so we are all," he looked up expectantly at Emmett who grinned gleefully, " going out. Dinner, the concert and then out on the town afterwards. No one," he glared at Edward and me, "is allowed to bow out."
"We wouldn't dream of it," Edward answered as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. I leaned into his chest as he softly kissed the juncture between my neck and shoulders. "This is too big not to celebrate."
The euphoric mood continued as we all settled down into the seating area in the living room. Edward and I settled back down on the couch, me sitting between his legs, with JP right beside us. Chip and Alice had claimed the loveseat across from us and were talking animatedly about wardrobe choices for our night out. Emmett had perched in the large chair, which didn't seem so oversized when it contained his huge frame, and was on the phone with Carlisle and Esme relaying the news.
The mood was lighter than it had been in weeks and I sighed happily as I leaned into Edward, loving the feel of him wrapped around me and positively vibrating with excitement over our success. I noticed JP digging through a blue backpack that I'd not noticed him carrying when he'd first come into the room. He seemed very intent on finding something specific hidden in its depths. I laughed to myself as I noticed how much younger he seemed in that moment. He looked happy and relaxed as he shoved things aside impatiently inside the nylon bag on his lap.
"What are you looking for, Asshole?"
"Oh," he looked up at me slightly stunned that anyone was watching him. "Well, remember I told you I had an idea last night? I want to put together a video of the band. But I don't want the same old bullshit staged crap that most bands do. I want the real us, from the beginning. I went through a lot of my tapes and memory cards from the digital cameras last night and I think we have more than enough to do it. Kinda like the evolution of EverClear. The timing seems good to release it with all the buzz around us right now. Whatcha think?"
He looked at me almost as if he thought I would deny him. Truth was I wouldn't say "no" to anything he came up with for the band. Very soon, sooner than he knew, it would be his baby alone and I wanted it to go in the exact direction he wanted to take it. So long as his ideas didn't involve me naked in any way, I was on board for whatever he wanted to do. In this particular case, I thought not only was a video a good idea but that he was spot on about the timing.
"I love it, JP. You're brilliant. What have you got so far?"
He absolutely lit up as I agreed with him. With no pretense, he dumped the entire contents of the backpack out onto the floor in front of the couch, earning a belly laugh from Edward. The sound of Edward laughing was not only magical but contagious as well. I looked around the room to see that everyone was watching the conversation. Emmett moved to the television and began to plug in the wires of the camera, obviously readying the equipment for a sneak peek of JP's latest brainchild.
JP quickly crawled across the carpet with an arm full of discs and small black squares of plastic. He dropped them all in front of the entertainment center and turned to look at us. His eyes were positively shinning with excitement as he spoke.
"Oh, man. I have got tons of shit. I've got stuff that goes back to the very beginning." He looked down into the pile and began to shuffle things around, grumbling to himself. When he finally found what he was looking for, he jammed the disc into the DVD player and sat back. "Ed, dude, you are gonna love this shit," he beamed as he pushed play.
JP had always been the historian of our little circus. He'd constantly had a video and tape recorder with him from as far back as I could remember. He'd recorded practice sessions, sound checks, rehearsals, shows and even us just hanging around the various apartments that we'd occupied through the years. I'd often wondered if he was just a bit of a voyeur or if he used the videos for a more X-rated purpose. But seeing his collection, I realized that JP had always had a vision for EverClear that far surpassed my own. He'd always seen the band as permanent and he'd wanted to document every step of the journey. My heart swelled a little more as I stared at him with a new sense of respect and love.
The screen came alive with an image that I'd nearly forgotten. The setting was JP's apartment two floors above the one that I'd lived in with Chip and Marcus. The apartment had been little more than a single large room with three cupboard-sized rooms off the main room that housed a bathroom, a tiny kitchen and a closet. As the camera panned around the room, the constantly messy bed that had been pushed against the far wall was visible, as was the painfully beaten up piano that was situated twenty feet away from the mattress. There was a confusing mix of voices pouring from the audio speakers that I recognized as a younger version of Chip, Dimitri and myself.
"That was the piano that I wrote most of Fallen on," I said to Edward as I leaned my head back toward him. I turned my head slightly to look at him, but he was transfixed on the images on the screen. With a small laugh, I turned my attention back to the screen just in time for my own voice to blare from the speakers.
"I can't do it JP, I'm not a singer," a nineteen year old version of myself said timidly from somewhere off screen. The memory of this particular night flooded me at the words. I was literally watching the birth of EverClear as it came to be. The clip JP was playing was the very first time I'd ever sung a note of any of the songs. Up until that night, JP and I had simply written songs that I'd intended for someone else to sing. It was this exact moment that EverClear had begun to take shape and I was grateful beyond words that a record of one of the most profound moments of my life existed for me to hang on to once I'd been changed.
"Edward, this is the night I finally convinced Bella to sing," JP explained as he pushed the pause button. He turned to face the two of us on the couch to further his explanation and I noticed that his eyes seemed to sparkle with tiny tears. "We'd been writing for months and had just started to play with Dimitri and Felix. Hell, Dimitri still thought at this point he had a shot at Bells. But anyway, Bel had always said that she couldn't sing a lick and that if I wanted the songs to be performed I'd have to find a real singer. She'd written these fan-fucking-tastic lyrics but we were having problems getting the timing of the song down. The rest is history. Just watch," he trailed off as he turned back to the screen.
Edward shifted our position so that we sat up right at the opposite end of the couch. The look on his face was intense concentration and I understood why. He was almost ravenous for information about our missing years and in front of him was another piece of the puzzle. I swallowed hard as I leaned into him because I knew that the lyrics were going to be hard for him to listen to.
The screen resumed its images just in time to see a version of JP with only shoulder length dreadlocks pulling a pair of stools in front of the fireplace that had been against the east wall of the apartment. It had been around the same time of year, mid October, that we were in now. Only we were in Seattle and it was cold and rainy outside. Even on the grainy video, flashes of lightening were visible and I could make out the sound of the sheeting rain as it pelted the windows of the apartment.
The next moment, JP turned to face the camera, that I remembered was being held by Marcus at the time and spoke into the lens.
"She's gonna do it. Voluntarily or otherwise. This song is too fucking good to let it kick our asses." The twenty-three year old JP smiled menacingly at the camera before he disappeared from view and the angle grew wider. Sitting to the left of the fireplace was Felix behind the rattiest drum kit I'd ever seen. He smoked his cigarette quietly as he waited for JP to enact his dastardly plan. To the right, was Dimitri. I'd nearly forgotten that he'd once had short hair and I chuckled to myself as I saw him with his choir boy haircut. He was smiling widely at the rustling noises that were still off camera and then looked into the lens and flipped his middle finger.
I felt Edward stiffen behind me as the two-dimensional JP tugged a very reluctant nineteen year old me into the view of the camera. I looked like absolute shit. I didn't remember being so pale or so washed out looking. My hair was pulled into a messy ponytail atop my head and I wore a brown sweater that had definitely seen better days. The knit cloth seemed to swallow me whole as I stared at myself being forcibly pushed onto the stool.
"You wore that sweater the day I picked you up from school after our night Port Angeles," Edward whispered. His eyes never left the screen and I wondered if he even realized he'd spoken aloud. Alice moved to the floor in front of us to get a better view of the screen just as JP began to speak again.
"Don't be a pussy, Bella. Just do it. I don't care if it sounds like cats fucking, I just need to hear the timing" a visibly irritated JP spat from the screen.
He picked up his old black acoustic guitar, that had been destroyed two years later when one of our equipment crates had been dropped as the crew reloaded the truck after a show in Boston and sat down on the stool next to me. I never did look up as he placed a mic in front of me and tilted it downward toward my reluctant mouth. I was fidgeting with the sleeves of the awful sweater in my discomfort as he counted off the start and began to play.
The beautiful guitar was a composition that JP had written for another song but discarded when he felt the emotion of the song was wrong. The music was simple but moving and I remembered feeling the lyrics as I'd listened to him play.
How many times have you told meYou love her
As many times as I wanted
To tell you the truth
I'd never looked at the guys as I'd sung the song the first time but watching it from this vantage-point was a completely different experience. As I sang the first lines, all of the guys looked at each other with identical stunned expressions on their faces. Dimitri smiled widely at JP, whose eyebrows had virtually disappeared into his hairline as I continued to sing. Very quietly in the background of the video were mumbles of "You've got to be shittin' me" and "No fucking way." I had no idea who'd said what but it was nice to hear that my boys had been impressed from the very beginning.
As I entered the chorus for the first time, the camera panned to Chip who was seated in the green chair that he'd normally occupied during our earliest sessions. He had tears in his eyes and his hand was raised above his mouth in disbelief. He looked at Marcus behind the camera and touched his chest tenderly before looking back at me.
Oh, solitudeStill with me
There's only you
Oh, solitude
I can't stay away
From you"Oh God," Edward breathed in my ear as he watched the song progress. During the second verse, Felix and Dimitri became more distinct parts of the melody. The recall of this night became more and more clear as I watched. This was not only the night I'd begun to sing but also the night we'd discovered the sound that would come to define EverClear over the next several months. I couldn't help but smile at the transformation that occurred during the song. Somewhere during the notes, I'd lost my self-conscious thoughts and let the music take over my heart. I'd realized that the hurt wasn't as painful to sing about as it was to talk about and that it offered a cathartic release of all the pent-up emotions. I also remembered what the verse coming during the bridge was and I reached for Edward's hand, knowing it would be painful for him to hear.
Everyone leave me strandedBut I'm abandoned
Left behind
I can't stay here another nightEdward's head tucked into my shoulder as he listened to the painful words pour from my frail former self. I felt more than heard him whisper an apology into the skin he hid his face in my hair but I wanted him to keep watching. I wanted him to see the band and Bella the performer come to life. Without a word Dimitri, Felix and JP transformed the song into something completely different shortly after the bridge. It would become habit for us to rearrange a song without really talking about it but this was the first time it happened. It was also the moment that I realized that we were supposed to be playing together. We just fit.
I nudged my shoulder up enough to raise Edward's head a little. I kissed his forehead gently and motioned toward the screen. Just as he looked back toward the video, I stood up off the stool and grasped the mic. Simultaneously, the sound of the song changed into harder louder version of itself. EverClear was cemented in that moment and the expression of Edward's face as he watched the rest of the song seemed to register understanding of that fact. He watched the rest of the video unfold without so much as blinking.
When the last note faded the voices on the screen began a collective round of "Holy shit" and "Are you fucking kidding me" comments. I smiled the first real smile in more than six months as JP pulled me into his arms and hugged me. We both turned to face Marcus, still behind the camera and waved.
"Ladies and gentleman, I'd like you to meet our new lead singer, Bella Swan," video JP laughed into the screen before it went blank.
"Do you remember the promise we made that night?" the JP on the floor in front of me asked as he turned to face us. I knew exactly what he was referring to and I groaned. Edward looked at me curiously for a moment; his eyes still not completely freed of the pain that had settled in during the song.
"I do," I said confidently both in response to JP's question and to my husband's unspoken need for reassurance. He got it immediately. He leaned in quickly and kissed me with the overflowing emotions that ran through his head. I threaded my fingers through his hair and pulled him further into my mouth. His hands gripped my waist a little too tightly as he tried to release the hurt that seemed to be fading away with each caress of my tongue against his. When the need for air finally became to pronounced to ignore any further, I pulled back just enough to look him in the eye.
"How can I ask you to walk away from that," he said quietly into my ear as he hugged me. "How can I possibly take that away from you?"
"Your not, baby. You gave me my music. Now I want to share it with you. You're not taking anything away from me. Just give me forever with you."
"Say the word and it's done. I love you," he said firmly after a long silence.
"I love you too Edward. I always have."
"Eddie," JP interrupted the nearly silent conversation that we were having. "Don't you need to go hunt or something?"
I couldn't help but laugh at the not so subtle request for a little alone time with me. Only what Edward didn't know was that it wasn't alone time with just me. That rainy cold night in Seattle so long ago, we'd made a promise to each other. A promise that could only be fulfilled by the original members of EverClear and only if we ever managed a number one album.
"Well, I guess I could stand to feed. Why?"
" JP! Blowjobs!" I shouted at him in an attempt to derail his memory of our conversation that night so long ago. The look on his face and the groan Edward let out at the same time told me that my tactic had worked. "Don't tell him. I want it to be a surprise, "
"Oh, God almighty. JP, that's my sister you're thinking about!" Edward shouted as he winced. Obviously, the idiot got my meaning and decided to not just block him but disgust him as well. "That was below the belt, Bella."
Alice, Chip and JP all laughed hysterically at Edward's disgust. He looked at me for support, but all I could do was howl with the rest of them. For once, I wanted him to be in the dark.
"I promise you'll find out soon," I tried to placate my still uncomfortable husband as JP loaned another disc into the player.
The grainy image that projected outward was a more familiar memory. We were again in JP's apartment only the weather had turned snowy. It was mid day but the thick layer of clouds gave the afternoon the appearance of being much later. The fire was roaring and scattered everywhere the camera panned were empty pizza boxes and beer bottles. On the small coffee table, someone had erected a pyramid out of the brown bottles that teetered precariously with every thud of the bass drum that played loudly in the background as Felix tried to set up his kit. There were also the stunted tinkering sounds of the piano as I had attempted to work on fitting the melody to the lyrics that had been scrawled out on several napkins and were perched on the lid of the instrument.
As the cameraman, this time Chip, turned in a small circle, the occupants of the room all came into view. Stretched out on the couch was Dimitri chugging a beer as if his life depended on it. His guitar was on the cushion next to him and he had one leg thrown across the arm of the couch in a very relaxed posture. As Chip turned, JP's hideous green chair, which actually still sat in his new apartment, came into view. Seated in the chair was JP and perched on the arm leaning into him was none other than Heidi. Her long dark hair flowed down her back and onto JP's shoulders as he tuned his guitar. She was watching something off camera very intently and JP was watching her just as intensely. The look on his face made me gasp as I stared at the screen because he gazed at Heidi exactly the way I'd caught Edward looking at me a thousand different times. There was a gentle smile on his face that gave away his utter contentment.
I saw my friend's back stiffen at the same moment my eyes began to sting. Without thinking, I pulled away from Edward just long enough to tug on the back of JP's shirt. Wordlessly, he scooted back on his rear until his back was against the couch and he was situated directly in front of me. I gave Edward a small smile, hoping he would understand why I'd pulled away from him, and bent my right leg underneath me. The new position allowed me to lean forward and wrap my arms around JP's shoulders. As soon as my arms stilled around him, he leaned his head back onto my shoulder and grasped my hand in his.
The images on the screen continued to flicker past us and I noticed that Chip had moved to the couch and was now sitting beside Edward. The voices on the screen were happy and hopeful as the members of the band kidded around with each other. It was my voice in the speaker that hushed the video images of Dimitri and JP and made them turn their heads toward an off screen me.
Will you forgive me again
I don't know what I've said
But I didn't mean to hurt you
I sang the first few lines with nothing more than the piano. As soon as I had begun, the other musicians had shifted their attention to me and almost unconsciously picked up their instruments. When they joined in, the accompaniment was perfect. JP gently strummed his acoustic guitar, Felix beat out a low steady rhythm and Dimitri added just enough guitar to build the momentum of the song.
The camera turned rapidly toward me at the piano, the snow falling lightly in the window behind me. I was hunched over the keys in concentration, trying to read the lyrics that JP had scratched out. The song was an apology he'd written to Heidi for something that he'd done the previous week and I remembered thinking that it was probably the most honest work I'd ever seen from him.
"Who is that?" I heard Edward whisper to Chip from behind me. I could still feel the comfort of his body even as I tried to soothe the gangly bass player in my arms. His eyes never left the screen as the camera panned around the room. By the midway point of the song, the lens had refocused on Heidi and him in the large chair. She was now draped across his shoulders completely with her cheek resting on the top of his head.
"That, my dear Edward, is JP's you. That's Heidi. Once upon a time, JP was in love," he explained. I felt JP shudder in my arms and I leaned in to him further and kissed his jaw. His grip on my hand tightened but he still could not tear his eyes away from the screen.
Cause you were made for meSomehow I'll make you see
How happy you make
And I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive"What happened?" Edward asked as I hugged JP even tighter. I felt a couple of hot tears drip onto my satin covered arm. Just as I noticed the wetness, Alice moved to JP's side and wrapped her arms around his waist. He chuckled a little as he wound his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.
"Their break up combined with Bella's emotional meltdowns over you is what created most of Fallen. About a week after this was shot, they split up and she moved out. He was, still is, devastated. That's why he and baby girl are so close. They held each other's hand through the same feelings," I heard Chip continue. I felt Edward rubbing my back lightly, offering me his own form of comfort at the memories of life without him. "It's been harder on him than he'd like anyone to know."
The song ended and cheers from all around the small room on the screen drown out the last few lines that I'd sung. The last image on the screen before the camera went black was of JP leaning up and kissing Heidi as the rest of us let a collective "aww" fill the air.
JP sniffed twice and quickly wiped the back of his arm across his eyes. With a small kiss to Alice's forehead and then the corner of my mouth he rose to his feet. Without ever looking at anyone directly, he started toward the door, leaving the collection he'd been so excited about laying in the floor forgotten. He'd just about made it to the door when he turned to face us and I saw just how red his eyes were. The sight broke my heart because I knew all too well just how much pain he was in at that moment. If I'd had a video of Edward and I back then, a single frame would probably have sent me into a full-blown panic attack. I wished desperately that I could take away the hurt from my friend, particularly given the happiness he'd exuded just a few minutes earlier, but understood that there was only one person that could truly make it all better.
"Um, Bells, I'll call ya in a couple of hours about that other thing," he said uncertainly as he looked at the floor with his hands tucked awkwardly into the pockets of his jeans.
I stood from the couch and crossed the room to him. I hugged him tightly and he returned the sentiment enthusiastically. After just a moment, he pulled back and kissed me one more quick time.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to ruin the day for ya."
"Honey, I love you. You didn't ruin anything. Go relax and I'll see you in a little while," I tried to reassure him. "We've got a promise to keep."
The last words made him smile and I was grateful to see his eyes shine just a little. I stood in my spot near the door until he'd vanished from sight. I felt Edward's arms wrap around my waist and I leaned into his chest.
"You're very good for him," he said gently into my ear.
"He's been very good for me. And to me. I just wish I could make it better for him. I know how much it hurts," I said as I turned to face him. His eyes told me that he was thinking a thousand miles a minute as I spoke.
"What if there was a way?"
I smiled, as I understood what Edward meant. I knew him well enough to know that if he saw a situation as a problem, then his reaction was to fix it. It made me crazy when he did it sometimes, but in this case I was overjoyed at his eagerness to correct the situation.
"Really? You would do that?" I asked him as I stretched up on my toes and threw my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the floor slightly and smiled brilliantly at my reaction.
"For you, I'd do anything. And for him. The asshole has grown on me," he laughed as he kissed the tip of my nose. "Emmett? You up for a little challenge with Jasper?" he called over his shoulder.
"Always, little bro. What you got in mind?"
Alice clapped her hands together wildly as Edward turned us to face the living room. She laughed loudly and freely as she stared at Emmett. Edward chuckled at whatever she was thinking as she rose to her feet and crossed to Emmett.
"Care to make a little wager as to who is the better detective Em?" she taunted him.
"Always. But it seems really unfair to take your money. Besides, don't you think we ought to let Jasper know your entering him into a bet?"
"Oh, he'll be in. Any chance to prove how much more clever he is than you is a no-brainer," she continued to tease him as he stared at her in shock.
"Game on little sister. Game on."
Chapter Notes: Fire up the batteries in the laptop or Ipod. Next chapter has a ton of music with it. You can guess that EverClear and the Cullens out on the town will result is more than a few laughs.
You know what I'm looking for. Make me smile and I'll see you guys very soon.