Chapter 20

"As one needs happiness so have I needed love; that is the deepest need of the human spirit. And as I love you utterly, so have you now become the whole world of my spirit. It is beside and beyond anything that you can ever do for me; it lies in what you are, dear love — to me so infinitely lovely that to be near you, to see you, hear you, is now the only happiness, the only life, I know."

– Rockwell Kent

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"-the correct use of the word 'niggardly,' I know," she finished for him, watching how his expression changed with every word she spoke. "You have told me."

When Sasuke was five, he had jumped into the lake close to his ancestral house in the chilly winter. He could not recall why. Swimming was a fond pastime to him. And cold, he recollected, had been particularly harsh that year. Whatever stroke of brilliance prompted him to follow through with his stupid thoughts could have probably ended with him frozen and dead.

Though he could not bring to mind the motive, he clearly remembered the feeling. It was like drowning, only so much worse and wintry. His lungs were on fire, skin unbelievably numb and icicles running through his veins- pulsing and painful. He had struggled uselessly to break the surface with heavy bones pulling him down.

Fear of death had struck him with such intensity just before he had been dragged out. He had heard voices in that minute… an eternity. Loud, shrill, sobs, and shouts… a pandemonium.

And then he was gasping; panting for air like he had never breathed before. He had blanked out after and woke in his bed. He had been taken ill with fever and had been in out of consciousness for some days before the fever had at last broken.

It was exactly like drowning, being close to the end and then being pulled out, Sasuke decided as he heard her utter the words he had lost the hopes of anyone saying ever.

He stopped moving briefly, searching her eyes for a lie. There was nothing but sincerity and he had to look away. She was staring still and he could not decide on what she was expecting from him. An epiphany?

He was tired.

Damn her!

Why must she do this to him? Was this some sort of a revenge for a past slight he did not even remember?

He did not have the strength to be built up to deceit again. To be reeled into believing that there was someone who did understand him… did love him. Was it too much to ask?

Sasuke had never experienced love. He was aware of the admiring gazes that followed him, had been inclined to enjoy it on a few occasions. He did not boast of a clean slate. He had broken a fair share of hearts. So used to taking and never giving, love had always been a laughable affair; something out of a poorly written romance novel that young ladies tended to enjoy in secret.

And the one time, he decided to give into the blasted emotion, the universe just had to mock him, have him love someone who did not exist. Make him bare his heart only to have it stepped upon and torn into a million different pieces.

He was furious… at the world, at her. But more so, at himself. How had he not seen through the treachery? Love had truly turned him into a blind idiot. He had allowed every word ever written on her letters pierce through his walls only to have his soul dragged out and blasted into smithereens. What infuriated him more was that he still wanted Mitsuki.

It drove him wild… mad.

So unbearably mad.

That is why, he believed, when she opened her mouth to speak; he raised a hand to stop her.

"Do not say a word."

She sucked in a harsh breath; the sound making him realize how close they were to each other and how alone they were. He could feel her body heat from where he was standing and for some reason, it made him nervous. The air around them was charged with some unknown emotion, like the calm before a storm.

"No," she whispered, cerulean eyes locking into obsidian ones before she continued in a determined tone, "I will not be so courageous tomorrow or in the next hour, Mr. Uchiha. You have to listen to me."

In that moment, he wished he could have told her. How much she affected him… That had he even tried, he could have never left without hearing her. Not when she had looked like she did not desire to be anywhere but with him. Just him. The thought calmed him, suppressing the fear and the hope that arose within him.

"It was on February 19, 1832, I wrote my first letter to a soldier so far away, out of nothing but a sense of gratitude, completely unaware of the consequences." She would not look away from him. He vaguely wondered if she heard the thundering in his heart or the blood rushing into his ears. "Believe me when I say, I did not expect a response but it came and I could do nothing save for write an answer." She inhaled softly, looking down momentarily. "I forced myself to accept that I did not want another response. Yet when it came, you cannot begin to imagine the sheer force of my joy."

"Stop," he begged pathetically.

"The letters meant everything to me," she prodded on, despite his protests. "Every word, every sentence… I love them with all my heart." She paused to gauge his reaction. "I lov"-

"Do not dare say it."

He had never felt more enraged before. He was burning with wrath and frustration. This woman… this damned woman!

"Sasuk"-

He's had enough. "Pray tell, Miss Uzumaki, do you find this funny?" he asked bitterly, eyes flaring with red fury. She shrunk into herself under his acrid glare and were he not shaking with rage, it could have been a vicious source of comfort. Eyes narrowed dangerously, he approached her; threat clear in each step.

"How does it feel to have made a fool out of me?" he hissed, almost spitting the words out. He was alight with such burning emotions that the only relief was throwing them at her. She needed to hear it. "To break my heart into a million different pieces every time you saw me suffering for someone who did not even exist?"

She stayed rooted to her spot, eyes darting left and right searching for an escape. Not now, he thought violently as he grabbed her roughly and pushed her against the nearest tree none too gently. She sucked in a breath at the rough treatment. He grabbed her pretty face to make sure she listened.

"Do you know how I have endured because you chose to do so?" he growled, fighting the urge to do something he might regret. She was trembling but did not attempt to break out of his embrace. Instead, she placed her hands on both sides of his face. Her hands were cold, comforting against his heated skin. Anger seeped out of his system.

"I have been horribly selfish and I know that. I was aware I was being self-centered every time I took to consideration my feelings and went on to completely disregard yours," she whispered in the space between them. Softened blue eyes held his gaze. "I was scared. Petrified, even. I could not… absolutely refused to look past my own damned self, to see you."

"You are not scared now," he remarked quietly. She shook her head with a tiny smile as her hand dropped to pull something out of her pocket.

It was a letter.

"For you," she said as his fingers closed around it.

He should not play any more of her games but he could not have stopped, had he even wanted to. So he opened it with shaking hands.

25 June 1835

Sasuke

I have spent quite a few hours wondering on how to start this letter. I still do not know. I have much to say to you… much to express and I am failing miserably in doing so.

The recognizable handwriting nearly blinded him with tears. It was really pathetic, he thought as he continued down the letter. It was really her… Mitsuki. He could see the familiar pattern of writing… the unguarded emotions. The words registered in his mind slowly.

I made choices for the both of us.

Since the beginning, it has never been about me but I made it about me.

This is about us.

He looked up at her as he finished reading only to find her unblinking blue eyes on him, quite unsurprisingly. "It is unsigned," he said gradually.

"You knew Mitsuki Namikaze did not exist," she answered hesitantly and did not speak for few breaths but then continued bravely, "I did not want to lie anymore. I wished for you to see me for me."

"And who exactly are you, Naruto Uzumaki?"

He had not meant to come across harshly but he could still feel her evading.

She did not falter with the response. "Except the name, whatever I wrote to you was the truth. It was all me. All my eccentricities… the animals I love… the literature I adore… my thoughts… my opinions… all of it… is me." And then, "I am sorry."

"For what?" He could not help asking. When she shot him a disdainful glare, he resisted the urge to smirk. "You have too many things to apologize for, Miss Uzumaki. Anyone would be confused."

"I am sorry for causing you so much trouble," she told him. She sighed carefully before continuing gently, "You are right, Sasuke. I do not know what you have gone through. So, tell me everything if you find me deserving. I promise to listen and hold everything close to my heart. And when time comes, we shall send them away together."

She made it sound so easy… so simple. How could he forgive her just like that? Throughout it all, he had gone mad with longing for her. He had been misled for an unbelievably long time. And her only explanation was selfishness and fear. Much as her sincerity touched him, what was he to do with the jagged corners for his defenses… his bruised heart?

He needed more than an admission of guilt.

"You think you can save me?" he asked sardonically.

"I shall not know until I try," she replied with remarkable determination.

"You do not know me outside of the letters."

"I know enough."

"Pray tell, do you know me when I do not even know myself?"

"You are being difficult on intention," she protested and he almost laughed.

"After what I have been through, I believe I deserve to be as difficult as I want," he retorted coldly.

"I am not asking you to place faith on me or accept my apology," she said wearily. "But I am not giving up on you, Sasuke." She drew in a breath before continuing slowly, "You said that you loved me… does that mean nothing anymore?"

"It means everything, Miss Uzumaki," he bit back acidly. "How do I know this is not one of your games again?"

Sasuke did not believe so but right at that moment, he only wanted her to hurt in all possible ways. It seemed his bayonet hit the mark since, she visibly winced.

"You must really have a very lowly of opinion of me, Mr. Uchiha," she said contritely. "As it is such, I do not see the point of prolonging this conversation. I shall take your leave." She made a curtsey. Blazing hells, her whole countenance became one of sadness. It pierced his heart, making it ache in a different sort of way. "I apologize once more hurting your feelings so."

She was moving away from him, one step at a time and it was worse than anything before.

Heavens above, he loved her.

"Are you giving up on me so soon, Miss Uzumaki?" he called out almost desperately.

She turned around and goodness, she was crying. Tears streaming down her face, cheeks reddened and nose scrunched up. Then she was marching towards him furiously until she stood right in front of him, finger jabbing into his chest.

"Know this, Sasuke, I might have lost today but I shall be back tomorrow. I merely need to collect myself better." She forced down a sob before glaring up at him with tear lined eyes. "Do you think it was not hard on me? Are you aware of how many sleepless nights I have spent? Do you think you were the only one to fall in love? I loved you too. Ever"-

"Past tense?" he interjected.

"Present tense, you obstinate ass," she responded. "Always."

"Good."

Sasuke could not explain what he was feeling except that it was an utterly liberating and fulfilling emotion. Just one last thing. "Why did you stop?" Her nose was running and he supposed, he should have been horrified and disgusted. Instead, he found himself pulling out his handkerchief and wiping her face gently. "Why did you send that last letter?" he urged delicately.

She did not speak, pretending to not have heard him. He waited patiently, silence stretching uncomfortably. He could sense that it was hard for her answer but heavens help him, it was much harder not knowing.

"Your confession," she mumbled softly, after a long minute, "put my feelings into perspective and it was terrifying. You were in love with Mitsuki. I could never live to the image of Mitsuki you had conjured. I could never have you, not when I had deceived you in such a wretched manner. I did not wish to be the subject of your scorn." Another sob wrecked her body as she cried, "I am so… sorry."

"I could not lie to you anymore. I could not face you… I love you so much. I am truly sorry… please forgive me."

"You told me to find you," he whispered.

"I never meant to send you that letter."

"But you did send it. You wanted me to find you."

Her already reddened cheeks colored some more. "I suppose, deep down, I must have since I am not so scatterbrained generally."

"I am glad for that momentary lapse." She was not crying with much intensity now. The only remnants were her eyes and face and the occasional hiccup. "You should not have hidden from me."

"I did not wish for you to be disappointed or hate me."

"You must really think me vain. I fell in love with the heart in the letter, not the face of the writer."

"I am peculiar," she said stubbornly.

"That you are," he said calmly. "But that is why I loved you because you were different and… unique."

"Past tense?"

He allowed himself a small smile. "Present tense. Naruto.. I l"-

She covered his mouth, shaking her head. "I am going to annoy you at all possible times. I shall drag you to all my outings. I have opinions and you must accept that I will ride a horse better than you. I can fix things with tools… and some days I will look like I belong in a stable. I shall have my flights of fancy here and there. So, when you say that you love me… you have to love all aspects of my life… everything that makes me.

Because Sasuke, I love all of you… your broken edges… your scars… your soul… everything. I do not even need a reason to love you. I just love you because, no matter what… it is you and I love you."

He was rendered speechless by tumult that her words had caused inside him. How could he have lived without her? The sheer vulnerability of her countenance was striking as it was beautiful.

"I have nightmares," he told her once she removed her hand. "Sometimes I would be doing something and I get flashes of the war. There are moments of blankness where I forget who or where I am. There are nights, I hear screaming… pained screams for help… condemning screams… crying screams. I am not even human anymore… I am a monster."

"You are not a monster, Sasuke."

"Then what am I?"

"Based on your physical features, I would conclude that you are human male."

A humorless laugh escaped him. "You do not know anything. This is useless."

She gently reached out for him as if afraid of ruffling a caged bird's feathers. "You are right. I do not know but you are not a monster," she reiterated and before he could protest she prodded on hastily, "If you were one, Kurama would have been long dead. I have dealt with a lot of animals yet none has been as troubling as Kurama. You have been absolutely patient with him, taking caring of his needs."

"I am scarred everywhere."

"Scars heal. It takes time for healing to take place. It does not happen in a day. Some scars last longer but they all heal."

"How long?"

"You have a lifetime ahead of you."

"That is too damned long."

"Fortunately, you will not be alone for the length of it."

"You are bein"-

His words abruptly got cut off by a pair of lips. She was kissing him, he realized dazedly. All thoughts dissolved to nothing and all that remained was her in that moment. Her arms wrapped around his neck while his found her waist as he pulled her impossibly closer. She molded against him and he wondered if it was a dream. As her warmth and scent engulfed him, he decided that it was real.

Much too soon she was pulling away. He almost groaned at the loss.

"I do not care, Sasuke. I am not going anywhere. I want you… just you."

This, Sasuke, realized was what must have felt like when he had been pulled out from the freezing water. Each and every sense had come alive, blood rushing through veins to bring back the warmth of life to his skin and body. Each inhale had been precious and important.

And Sasuke kissed her. Deeply. Strongly. Passionately. Trying to reach depths inside her soul that had never been touched before. She melted against him, knees buckling as he supported her.

"I love you, Naru."

He said at last.

The smile that broke on her face was worth everything he decided.

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A/N: Okay. How was it? Did this chapter live up to everyone's expectations? Honestly, I am so nervous. I know this chapter, in particular, has been a long time coming. I wasn't exactly sure how I wanted to go about this one. I knew Sasuke would forgive Naruto but I wanted it to seem authentic and real and not rushed. Sasuke is difficult to write because I don't want him to break from the character as I express his thoughts.

Also, I was supposed to write this chapter earlier but my exams got pushed to September so I was busy.

And, thank you so much for sticking with this story for so long. It's been almost 2 years.

To everyone who left such positive reviews and messages for me, I genuinely appreciate each one of you.

To everyone wanting a happy ending, including myself, this chapter is for all of you.

Thank you.

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A/N: If you have some ideas for the epilogue, let me know. I'll try my best to include them. (There's going to be one more chapter before the epilogue.)

Also, if you spot any grammatical errors let me know.

Much love.

Bye.