Author's Note: Um… oops? Sorry about the length between updates… between school and work, I've been kinda swamped, and then I made the mistake of getting involved in National Novel Writing Month (I won! I have a truly horrible 53,258 word manuscript on my computer as we speak. It is bad, but that's because I wrote the whole thing in one month). Also, I'm lazy and absentminded.

Please don't think I was updating a bunch of stories and leaving my Bleach fans in the lurch, though… I share this account with my sister, and that was her updating her stories.

Author's Note 2: Soooo… I've read ahead, thanks to the wonders of manga scanlations… and in the latest chapters of Bleach, it seems Halibel is fighting… Hitsugaya. Yes, you heard me right… when confronted with the whole of Soul Society to fight with, Halibel went straight for Toshiro. Coincidence? I think not.

Chapter 21: In Which Stealth Fails. Again. Still.

The group looked at Ayasegawa. Then they looked at Grimmjow. Then they looked back at Ayasegawa.

This continued for several minutes.

It was Momo who, after this long silence, said the thing that was on all their minds.

"What the HELL was that?!" She asked, her tone somewhere between awe and terror.

"He bent my nose." Ayasegawa said simply. "Nobody should EVER bend my nose."

"But he… you… Captain level!" Momo sputtered, pointing at the unconscious Grimmjow.

"He bent my nose." Ayasegawa replied.

"For future reference?" Ikkaku interjected. "It's a bad idea to do that. Seriously."

"Weirdo is weird!" Yachiru said cheerfully.

"Nobody's gonna argue with that." Matsumoto agreed.

"Oh, god, there's another one." Shawlong said in sheer terror. "Retreat! We have to warn Lord Aizen!"

"What about Lord Grimmjow?" D-Roy asked.

"If you want him slowing you down, good for you!" The other Arrancar shouted back from about five hundred meters away, and getting further.

"No fair running away without me!" D-roy protested, fleeing to join his comrades.

"Well. So much for sneaking in," Momo said. "You realize, of course, that we're all going to die?"

"Oh, Momo, you simple fool. Surely you must have recognized the tremendous tactical advantage this has given us?" Matsumoto said condescendingly.

"And that would be…?"

"… … … I don't know. Seriously, I was asking if you recognized it, 'cause I got nothing."

"I was afraid of that." Momo said sadly. "All right, since it seems like I'm the only one here even slightly interested in keeping us alive, it looks like I'm going to have to come up with the plans from now on."

"Hey! My plans haven't been that bad!" Matsumoto protested.

All over Las Noches, alarms began to sound, calling hundreds of bloodthirsty Arrancar to war.

"… Momo, please tell me you have a plan." Matsumoto pleaded.

"Well… sort of…" Momo said.

Five minutes later…

"THIS IS A BAD PLAN!" Ayasegawa said.

"I AGREE!" Grimmjow agreed.

The two had been tied to a large rock, which was now being pushed in front of the rapidly disintegrating Hitsugaya-rescue force. More specifically, they had been tied to the side of the rock that the other members were not pushing, putting the two of them between the Arrancar fortress and the team.

"Okay, just so we're clear… we're using that Arrancar and Ayasegawa as human shields. If they start taking attacks, their natural berserker fury will activate, causing them break free of their bonds and charge blindly into the enemy hordes. Then, we will use their horrible deaths to distract the enemy, while we sneak into the fortress." Momo said. "Any questions?"

Ikkaku raised his hand. "We're… um… sacrificing Yumichika?"

"Looks like." Momo said.

"… why?"

"Well, someone had to be the human shield. That Arrancar didn't cover enough of the rock to go alone." Momo said, as though this were the most logical thing in the world. "Besides, every shot he takes to the face is one dead Arrancar for us. He's the best choice."

"Isn't that a little… ruthless?" Matsumoto asked doubtfully.

"You're right, Rangiku. Let's take him down and put you up there."

"Nice knowing you, Yumichika! Your sacrifice will not be in vain!" Matsumoto said cheerfully.

"I'm not making a sacrifice! I'm being murdered!" Ayasegawa protested.

" 'Murdered' is such a harsh word." Momo chided. "Accurate, but harsh."

"What about me?! Why doesn't anyone care about me?!" Grimmjow asked in panic.

Silence.

"Oh. Yeah. You're Shinigami. Never mind." Grimmjow remembered.

"Well, that doesn't explain why they don't care about me!" Ayasegawa wailed.

"It's not that we don't care about you, Yumichika." Ikkaku said.

"Yes, it is." Matsumoto replied.

"I don't care about him at all." Momo agreed.

"Screw him!" Grimmjow said.

"Who's 'Yumichika'?" Yachiru wondered.

"It's not that we don't care about you, Yumichika," Ikkaku said again, as if they hadn't spoken. "It's just that we need to win the battle, right? Squad 11 doesn't accept defeat, no matter what. We claim victory on the battlefield and leave no enemy standing, even if it means our death. Or, in this case, YOUR death."

"I… I suppose that makes sense… in a way…" Ayasegawa said doubtfully. "It's just that this isn't really the way I planned to go out. Although I suppose if you had to pick one person to be a beautiful sacrifice chained to a rock, it would be me…"

"Can you kill me now?" Grimmjow wondered. "I'm really uncomfortable being chained to the same rock as him."

"We clearly need a plan," Ukitake said. "This prison is very bad for my tuberculosis."

"Your disease is tuberculosis? I never knew that." Kyoraku said wonderingly.

"Oh, I never come right out and say it, but the hints are there." Ukitake replied. "But that's beside the point."

"The point," Yamamoto agreed, "Is 'how can a ghost get tuberculosis'?"

"Not the point I was getting at, sir, but valid… in a way. No, what I meant was…"

"And while we're on the subject, how is it that we seem to be a feudal Japanese society, but we still have computers, and all that stuff?" Kyoraku wondered.

"No, you see, you're getting off topic…" Ukitake interjected politely.

"Well, personally, I've always wondered why Captain Komamura looks like a fox. He's like a son to me, I've known him for centuries… and I've never gotten a satisfactory explanation for why he appears to be a humanoid fox. It's confounding." Yamamoto said.

"SHUT UP!" Ukitake roared.

The other three people in the cell (The random child Soi Fon had chosen to lock up with them for no reason was sitting in the corner), turned to look at him in shock.

"Yes, I realize Soul Society doesn't make sense! But right now, we need to focus on the fact that its lack of sense has gotten us all stuffed into jail without a trial!" Ukitake said, seizing control.

"Young Jushiro is right. We need to escape from this cell and execute Captain Soi Fon." Yamamoto agreed.

"We're not going to execute her, sir. She's just… overzealous. Besides, we really can't afford to lose her."

"Ah, good point. But someone clearly needs to be executed for this." Yamamoto said wisely.

"… why?"

"Oh, I don't know. Why do you think the Quincy and the Bounts needed to be subjected to a brutal genocide?" Yamamoto asked sarcastically.

"… actually, I've always wondered that…" Ukitake said sadly.

"Because, in spite of what Aizen seems to think, I'm in charge of Soul Society, that's why. What I say, goes. And in case you haven't noticed, I solve my problems with violence." Yamamoto replied. "I suppose, since we can't afford to lose any military strength, we'll just have to execute this boy. Remind me to drag him to the Sokokyu later."

"Eep!" The random boy said.

"Oh, don't worry, child. I'm joking!" Yamamoto said merrily.

"… Oh… um… ha, ha…" The child laughed nervously.

"The Sokokyu was destroyed when Rukia Kuchiki's execution was stopped. I'm just going to burn you to death when I get my sword back." Yamamoto continued.

"… ha?" The child laughed far, far more nervously.

"He wasn't joking that time," Ukitake said, rubbing his temples to fight off the migraine. "Don't worry, we won't actually let him kill you. Or, if we can't stop him, we'll… we'll send your family a fruit basket, I guess."

"Man, that headache is going around, isn't it? Toshiro had one when he visited me earlier." Kyoraku said.

"Oh. Wow. What a shock." Ukitake said in an underwhelmed tone.

"I thought so."

"Now, if you two are finished being… yourselves… could we focus on getting out of here?" Ukitake asked.

"Getting out is easy. It's Soul Society prison, after all. The bars are made of wood, the guards are composed entirely of people that we could beat just by concentrating at them, and they didn't bother to seal our reiatsu when they threw us in. Honestly? I'm surprised that they remembered to lock the door." Kyoraku said. "The hard part is getting out without the 'She-Wolf of the Stealth Forces' catching us and throwing us right back in."

"We are three Captains, and I am the Captain-Commander, the single most powerful person in the Gotei 13. Between us, we have the power to shatter continents and knock the moon out of orbit. Do you truly believe we cannot best Captain Soi Fon?" Yamamoto demanded.

"Oh, like we bested her last time?" Kyoraku asked dryly.

"… she caught me off guard, last time." Yamamoto replied, in a vain effort to save face.

"She is rather fast." Ukitake agreed. "And she took our swords."

"We'll clearly need a plan of subtlety and guile." Yamamoto said. Then he fell silent.

The silence continued.

Then it continued some more.

"Well?" Ukitake asked impatiently.

"Hmmm? Oh, you wanted me to come up with a subtle plan? 'Subtle' is not my specialty, Jushiro. 'Giant inferno' is my specialty." Yamamoto pointed out.

"Fair enough. All right, any thoughts, Shunsui?" Ukitake asked.

"Well… we could go around to all the other Captains, and ask them for advice?" Kyoraku suggested.

"Oh, now that's just stupid."

"… you have to realize we're willing to go through Grimmjow to get to you." Gin said. The seventy Arrancar behind him nodded in agreement.

"I'm willing to go through Grimmjow SEVERAL times." Tosen said eagerly from his position standing next to Gin. Aizen wasn't around, so he was feeling free to talk. "Please, don't surrender… I've got about twenty kido that I've been practicing specifically so I could use them on Grimmjow."

"Ah-ha! But if you attack him, her berserk fury will kick in, and he shall break free from his bonds and slay you!" Matsumoto proclaimed grandiosely.

"Well, that sure is a good incentive for me to take his head off with the first shot, now isn't it?" Gin replied.

"… … … …"

"You really didn't think this one through, did you Rangiku?" Gin asked in a sympathetic tone.

"No. No she didn't." Momo chimed in.

"HEY! This was your plan!" Matsumoto protested.

"No, no I don't think it was." Momo said, in her best impersonation of Matsumoto trying to foist off responsibility on someone else.

"Oh, that's IT. You've had this coming for awhile now!" Matsumoto snapped, drawing her sword.

"BRING IT!" Momo agreed, Tobiume leaping from its sheathe.

Ulquiorra limped up to stand next to Gin. "Are they trying to kill each other?"

"It would seem." Gin said, smiling. He hadn't smiled a lot since getting his hand reattached, and it was nice to be smiling again. A return to form, sort of... it was hard for him to be creepy when he didn't have a creepy smirk on his face, after all. Yes, getting it back was definitely a good thing. Comforting.

"Are we going to attack them while they do so?"

Gin turned to look at Ulquiorra in disbelief. "No, idiot, we are not going to interrupt the catfight. Are you a man or aren't you?"

"No Espada would let something as simple and primitive as their sex drive interfere with the efficient performance of their duties, sir." Ulquiorra said.

"Hmmmm… Toshiro…" Halibel said dreamily.

"… or so I thought." Ulquiorra finished.

"Look, Ulquiorra… in spite of the impressive force we've managed to assemble here, we're not really at full strength. Only about half the Espada can even walk… and of those, Stark is taking a nap, Halibel is caught up in her bizarre little crush, and Nnoitra can only walk because most of the damage was to his upper body. Captain Aizen is so bandaged up he looks like a mummy, Tosen is totally uninjured because he's a loser who didn't get involved in the last fight, and will probably just babble about justice instead of helping in this one…"

"HEY!" Tosen protested.

"And I, personally, have no feeling in my left hand after… um…" Gin stopped, looking confused. "How did I lose my hand? I remember us defeating Toshiro easily and with no casualties, and then it was suddenly gone… … … Dammit, Sosuke, what have I told you about using your stupid hypnosis on me?!" Gin suddenly screamed. Aizen wasn't there to hear it, of course, but the yelling made him feel better.

"So… we aren't going to stop them?"

"Nope!"

"Not going to hinder them in any way?"

"Not really, no."

"Not even if they used the attention that you drew to yourself with your big speech just now to sneak away?"

"Well, if that happened, I suppose we'd have to…" Gin stopped, noticing that he did not hear the sweet sounds of a catfight. "… Ulquiorra?" He said cautiously.

"Yes, sir?"

"If I turn around, I'm not going to see any Shinigami, am I?"

"Well, I wasn't really paying attention to them until just now, but it looks like just the one, sir." Ulquiorra said, looking over Gin's shoulder.

"HOW COULD THEY LEAVE ME BEHIND?!" Ayasegawa wailed to his absent teammates.

"Sucks to be you," Grimmjow said in a less-than-conciliatory tone.

"Tosen! Why didn't you say something?!" Gin snapped. "You were staring right… at… them…" Gin said, his voice trailing off as he realized exactly what he was saying.

Tosen didn't reply. He didn't really need to.

"… crap." Gin said.

"Mr. Whiskery, I truly believe that this plan will not succeed. I have chewed these chains for what must be… and I can only guess, because without bloody combat I have no reliable method to measure the time… nearly a year, and yet nothing has occurred. The chains, they do not break." Hitsugaya said.

Mr. Whiskery, looked concerned. "Hmmmm… have you considered that perhaps, you just aren't trying hard enough?"

"But… but I try as hard as I can! To put any more effort into the bitings would leave me without teeth!" Hitsugaya said sadly.

"Then you are weak. And you will rot here like a weakling deserves." Mr. Whiskery said coldly.

"But… but Mr. Whiskery! I've done all I could!"

"No, you could bite the chains harder!"

"You ask too much of me!"

"I ask only what must be done." Mr. Whiskery said cruelly.

"I… I thought you were my friend. But now I see that you are truly evil!" Hitsugaya said.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Whiskery laughed wickedly. "Yes, Toshiro, I am evil!"

"I knew it!"

"I sought to destroy your precious teeth, leaving you unable to chew! Then you would not be able to eat anything, and since the average Japanese diet includes a large percentage of seafood, all the fish you didn't get to eat would be MINE!" Mr. Whiskery said maniacally. "I would be the best-fed talking hallucinatory cat in all the land!"

"You fiend!" Hitsugaya proclaimed. "No longer shall I listen to your tainted advice!"

"It's too late! You're still trapped here!"

"Ah… but I have my own escape plan!" Hitsugaya said proudly. "I will free myself from the chains not by breaking them… but by shattering the walls they are anchored to! WITH MY HEAD!" Hitsugaya said, drawing his head as far forward as the chains would allow, and then slamming it backward into the wall with as much force as he could muster.

He then fell unconscious.

"Wow, that guy is crazy." Mr. Whiskery said. … Somehow.

"So, are we all clear on the new plan?" Momo said. The group was running through the labyrinthine halls of Las Noches.

"… 'Find Toshiro and set him free'?" Matsumoto said dryly.

"Look, I didn't say it was a good plan!" Momo said defensively. "I thought it up on the fly, you know!"

"We're… we're really leaving behind Yumichika to die?" Ikkaku said doubtfully. "I mean… getting killed in battle is one thing, but just leaving him like that…"

"Who's 'Yumichika'?" Yachiru wondered.

"Weirdo." Ikkaku informed her.

Her eyes widened, and tears began to fill them. "W-weirdo is going to die?! He can't die! Weirdo is my best friend! He… which one is he again?"

"Ayasegawa."

"No, not Ayasegawa! We have to go back and save him!" Yachiru wailed. "Hurry, everyone, turn left!"

"… Vice-captain, if you could just keep your mouth shut and follow behind the rest of us, that would be great." Ikkaku said. Then he dodged quickly to the left to avoid the inevitable head-bite.

"Don't worry, Weirdo isn't going to die." Matsumoto said confidently. "Gin was in charge of those Arrancar, and he likes to make them suffer first. He's probably undergoing horrific tortures…" Matsumoto began.

Meanwhile…

"Hmmmm… what's that?" Gin said, examining Yumichika's face. "Looks like a pimple."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Ayasegawa wailed.

"Oh, geez, are those split ends? Man, your hair is so dry and stringy. It looks awful."

"LIAR! LIAR AND MURDERER!"

"No, I'm serious. It's like straw or something, it's so dry and dessicated. Although I suppose it helps to take attention away from how bulbous and misshapen your nose is." Gin said.

"You... you monster..." Ayasegawa rasped, a bead of sweat running down his face, and a wild, haunted look in his eyes.

"I'm surprised you can see that I'm a monster, what with how puffy your eyes are."

"No... please... please stop..." Ayasegawa pleaded softly.

Gin smiled.

Moving on…

"… but he'll probably still be alive when we make our way out of the fortress," Matsumoto said confidently.

"Um… okay…" Ikkaku said doubtfully.

"Come on, people, hurry! The longer we take, the more likely it is those Arrancar outside will catch us before we can save Toshiro!" Momo said. "We can't let anything… get… in…" Momo said, coming to a dead stop, her eyes wide with shock.

"Well, this isn't good." Matsumoto said mildly.

There, in the hallway ahead of the group, covered in bandages, stood Sosuke Aizen. He had gotten up to get a glass of water (the medics were rather busy, so he'd decided to get it himself instead of waiting for them), and hadn't really been expecting to see anyone in the fortress, what with the alarm going off for an external threat. So it was that, upon seeing four Shinigami, including his former vice-captain, dressed as Arrancar and running freely down the halls of his fortress, he said, for the second time that day, the only thing that really came to mind.

"… huh?"