Chapter Twenty: Lost in Translation

Several hours later, Buffy, her face slick with sweat and her breathing heavy finally came to a stop on the landing behind Padawan Arenth Calby. Stairs… too many stairs… don't know how… climbed…so many… Gasping for air, her entire upper body fell forward as she tried to suck the air back into her lungs. Her tunic and pants clung to her skin, itching the insides of her thighs. Her straw blonde hair was wet and plastered across her forehead. Hands on her hips, she jerked her head back up. Arenth Calby was watching her with mild amusement. He barely looked winded.

"Next time," he asked with a slight smile. "Shall we take the turbolift?"

Buffy glowered at him as she listened to her heart hammer against her ribs. She straightened her back, sucking all the air she could in through her nostrils. Had no idea it would take so long… She thought as they came out in gasps. How did he do it? She wondered. He cheated didn't he! He had too! No one could run that fast, climb that far, and not be tired! Nobody! Except, apparently, Jedi. Boy, with the exception of Qui-Gon, she hated them already.

"No." She hissed. Wiping her forehead, she yanked her body upright. If he wasn't going to look tired then neither was she. "This way was fine."

"Really?" He asked. She watched him lean against the wall and study her for a moment. "Well," he said. "I must admit you were impressive, running the whole way without the help of the Force." Arenth shrugged. "Most normal beings would have collapsed from exhaustion by now." He chuckled. "Or asked for a break."

Her jaw dropped for a moment. So that's how he did it. He'd been using the Force this whole time. She hadn't felt anything! Not that I ever felt Qui-Gon or Obi using it either. Swallowing to soothe her dry throat, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest. He was like the shadow man she'd fought, the one with the black and red face. He'd been using the mystical Force too. Just like Qui-Gon. They'd done it to perform feats beyond that of normal men, used it as easily as breathing.

"Cheater."

"What?" He blinked.

Buffy jabbed her forefinger at him. "Using outside magic, life source, midichlorians, or whatever, means you were cheating!" She exhaled again. It was almost nice doing this, it made her feel like a kid again. Like when I was competing with Kendra. "Cheating."

"I had no idea we were competing." Arenth said. "Next time I promise, it'll be on even ground." He winked. His voice was light and the smile never left his lips, then, he pushed himself off the wall.

"You've got a weird sense of humor for a Jedi." Buffy sighed.

"Met many Jedi?" Arenth asked. He regarded her for a moment. Then, he shook his head, checked his holowatch, and realized how late they were. "Come, Buffy Skywalker," he waved her forward. "Let us see if the Council deigned to wait for you."

Do I have to? Buffy wondered. Suddenly, she wished she could be outside or that she'd taken the Senator up on his offer. Buffy had never liked rejection, never took it well, and walking into a situation where it was all but likely? Well, she wasn't very excited about it. Stop being a child. Her mind growled at her as she mentally kicked herself. You told Qui-Gon you would try. On rubbery legs, she followed him down the hallway. She hated trading one set of gray metal walls for another set of gray metal walls. Do the Jedi have any artistic sensibilities? Despite it's grandeur it all seemed drab and dull.

The walked for several feet and rounded another corner. Then, finally, Arenth came to a stop before another door. He didn't look back at her as he touched the pad on the wall. Buffy watched apprehensively, listening to the click of them unlatching and the release as they slid open. Staring past Arenth Calby, she noted the circle of men, women, and aliens all sitting inside the room. The second thing she saw was that the room had no walls, large panes of transparisteel reached up to the domed ceiling as they circled the room. She watched as a dark-skinned man, one sitting next to the green midget, waved for her to enter.

"You are late." He said as she and Arenth entered the room.

"And very dirty." The woman with the strange Buddhist marks on her forehead and chin commented from the back of the circle. Her mouth was curved in a slight smile. Many of the chairs in the room were empty, the other Masters having gone about their business and leaving Buffy to face only a third of their number.

"Master Bilba is right," one of the aliens said. He nodded the tall crest of his skull towards Buffy. "You look like you've spent several hours in the training chamber."

"When you should have come here." The black Jedi said.

Buffy threw her shoulders back at his tone, her tired muscles wrenching themselves into a scowl as she crossed her arms over her chest. She opened her mouth to retort, but Arenth beat her too it.

"I'm sorry, Masters." He said. His body dipped in a polite bow as he faced the circle. "We would have arrived sooner, but she refused to take the turbolift."

"Refused?" The black master asked. He glanced at Buffy, a single eyebrow raised. Then, he looked at the small green frog-like…thing before looking back at Buffy. "Why did you refuse to take the turbolift?"

"Because she's afraid, Master." Arenth said. His freshness was making him faster than her. Buffy glared at his back for a moment, she did not appreciate anyone speaking for her.

"That's not true!" She snapped. "I'm not scared!"

"That's enough, Arenth." The Jedi Master named Depa Billba said, waving the tall Padawan away. "You can go."

Casting a sideways glance at Buffy as he stepped back, Arenth Calby bowed to the Jedi Masters and turned, striding from the room. His posture suggesting that he was looking forward to taking the turbolift back down. It was the first time Buffy noticed his legs were stiff; apparently he hid his tiredness well. She watched him go with another glower, feeling the weight of her body and the exhaustion in her muscles. She glanced around at the empty chairs as she walked to the room's center. Some looked so comfortable. These Masters weren't going to make her stand… were they?

"If you are not scared, why didn't you take the turbolift?" The dark-skinned Jedi asked. He was staring at her over his fingertips and Buffy was startled by his resemblance to Samuel L. Jackson. An older and balder Samuel Jackson. If Samuel L. Jackson could get any balder…

"If I tell you can I call you Shaft? Mr. Clean? Cystic Fibrosis Man?" She asked. "No," Buffy shook her head. None of those seemed to fit him. "It's gonna have to be Sam Jackson, Mister Sam Jackson, you look like him. You know, actor, man, and legend." Even with the Master's expression growing ever more perturbed, Buffy continued on. "So, Mister Jedi Jackson Man, I'll tell you if you let me call you that." Then, Buffy paused, thinking for a moment. She'd run a long way up those stairs and the duracrete was hard on the soles of her boots and her toes "And if you let me, you know, sit."

"I am Jedi Master Mace Windu," He said drawing his body upright. "You may address me as Master Windu." It had been many years since he'd been addressed with such impertinence. Mace was careful to keep a smile off his lips and his face smooth. It wouldn't do to let her know he was laughing inside. Mace Windu was sure that he should be offended, that she meant for him to be, but given that most of what she'd just said was gibberish, he found it hard to be off put. Still, it might be amusing to play her game. She clearly wanted him to not give her permission. "And no, you may not sit."

Buffy sat. She crossed her legs Indian style and leaned her cheek against her palm, elbow digging into the crook of her knee. She stared up at him, a smirk on her lips and she thought she saw him smile back. But it was a brief instant. I've gotta be imagining it.

"An ill-mannered rascal isn't she?" The Jedi with the large curved cone sloping up off his skull murmured. He too was watching her with mild eyes, his hands resting on his lap.

"A terror of technology, she has. Hmm?" The tiny green one nodded. "Or terror she is, on all those nearby?"

"Wait." Buffy said. "Kermit—"

"Master Yoda." Master Bilba interjected gently.

"Needs to repeat himself." Buffy finished. She frowned glancing over her shoulder, noting the impassive face of the Jedi Master. None of these faces looked angry, she couldn't even tell if they were irritated. Jedi are weird. "Cause I didn't catch that."

"Listen well, she does not." Yoda observed dryly. "Slow her mind is. Potential she may have, but dense she may also be."

"Yeah?" Buffy asked. "I may be dumb and short I may be," she added dropping into his vocal patterns. She shook her head quickly. She would not talk like him. "But at least I'm still taller than you." She paused again. "And I've got fashion sense." She stuck out her tongue. "You're just wearing a bag."

"Too much importance on size, you place." Yoda replied. "Blind you, it does, to the mysteries you face."

"Jeez Kermy," Buffy said. She was beginning to catch on. But the little shrimp can keep his Chinese cookie wisdom to himself. "You're a poet and didn't know it."

"I believe Master Yoda is asking you to explain your fears." Mace Windu said. He was watching the girl with renewed interest. He hadn't believed Master Yoda when the other had suggested taking the girl for training but not the boy. Now, meeting her face to face he was even more skeptical of her ability. Perhaps during this interview she'd prove Master Yoda right. But at the moment, Mace only found her irritating. "Why did you avoid taking the turbolift." And wasting our time?

"Because Sam-Sam," Buffy began.

"Master Windu." Depa Bilba inserted, her voice still gentle.

"Right, whatever." Buffy shrugged. "When I was back on Tatooine, nine times out of ten everything I touched in Watto's shop, scrap yard, or at home would fizzle out and die. I mean, before I was a slave…" She paused for a moment, her eyes drifting and the Masters felt a wave of emotions, dark and heavy, roll off of her. "It didn't happen, well, Mom wouldn't let me drive, and I could hit the microwave or the toaster without it breaking. But I guess they're's just something about the complex wiring of you guys' tech. I lay my hands on it or step into it and it goes snap, crackle, pop!" She stared at the Jedi Masters. They were looking at her like she was insane. Maybe I am. "It means ka-boom." She added, spreading her hands to indicate an explosion.

"I believe…" Mace Windu began, he glanced at Master Yoda with the older Jedi's nod, he continued. "That part we understood."

"Oh," Buffy said. "Good, cause I didn't want to have to explain it all over again to Conehead there."

"Master Ki-Adi-Mundi." Master Bilba said. Her voice was soothing, like a mother correcting her child. It really irritated Buffy.

"I believe she is attempting to go the furthest lengths of impertinence, Depa." Master Ki-Adi-Mundi said, his voice mild as he watched Buffy. So far he was not impressed by what he saw. The Cerean Jedi smiled, stroking the long white whiskers of his mustache. "An amusing attempt to irritate us. Or perhaps," he paused looking Buffy over again. "Distract us from our questions." His smile widened slightly as he tapped the back of his legs. "You still have not explained this fear of technology properly, youngling."

"Having spent the greater part of a year making the wrong things go boom isn't convincing?" Buffy asked. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at the strange, alien Jedi. "Being afraid stepping into your turbolift would break it, make it drop down towards bloody, screaming death isn't a big enough fear? I know I never used to make elevators do that, but this is different! Five times I nearly blew up Ani's pod…just by touching it! Six times I shorted out Threepio! After that Ani wouldn't let me into his workshop and Watto stopped letting me touch the expensive stuff. Any stuff really." She exhaled as it all came out in a rush.

"Ani?" Questioned Master Ki-Adi-Mundi.

"The boy," Depa Bilba replied. "Her brother, Anakin Skywalker."

Ignoring them, Buffy kept talking. "After that Ani started calling me tech toxic. He said I made stuff not work, that I'm a jynx. I'm bad luck for droids, machines, ships, and speeders. And he knows what he's talking about! He's right! Nothing like this ever happened to me when I was at home! My presence didn't break stuff! So, you see, it was only luck that the Nabooan Queen got here alive!" She slumped towards the floor waving her hand. "See? I'm pathetic, even more pathetic than I ever was at home. So, go ahead you great, big, mighty Jedi. Laugh at me." She looked up at them with a mournful expression. "Come on Kermy, Conehead, Buddah Buddah, Sammy J, you know you want to."

There was a long moment of silence.

Finally, Depa Bilba glanced at Mace Windu, her former master and Ki-Adi-Mundi, asking. "A question, am I this Buddah Buddah?"

"Gee?" Buffy asked, her voice sullen. "Of the four Jedi in here, who else could it be?"

There was another pause.

"Hmm," Yoda murmured. With a lurch, he hopped off his chair and limped towards her, gait stilted, cane tapping against the duracrete. "An interesting problem, this is. Difficult to overcome, it will be."

Buffy watched as he hobbled closer, his short robes sweeping across the ground, his feet hidden. If she had to guess he barely came up to her knees. She frowned for a moment. He really did look like Kermit the frog. Except he's got stubs for arms and stubs for legs. She wasn't really sure what he was planning on doing, except that he was suddenly very close. Then…

WHACK!

Buffy was seeing stars. The top of her skull was throbbing. He'd hit her! The stupid, ugly little midgit! He'd hit her! "Hey!" Buffy sat up, glaring at him. She started to throw herself forward. "What was that for, you stupid, midgit frog?!"

"A problem of the mind," Yoda said. As Buffy lurched, he brought up the top gnarl of his walking stick to meet her and tapped her forehead, this time gently. "Inside here, your fear is, hmm? Clouding your vision, restraining your actions, for hours making you run, taking the quick and easy path, not facing truly what frightens you."

"So, you're saying it's all in my head?" Buffy asked. "That's your brilliant diagnosis?" She felt weird with the end of his staff. There was nothing quick or easy about climbing all those stairs. "I don't think so, I've seen it happen. I've done it!"

"Through the Force," Yoda replied. "Come to life, our fears do."

"Really, Kermy?" Buffy asked. "You think so? Well, I got news for you." She glared down at him. "There was nothing quick or easy about that climb."

"Ah," Yoda sighed. He put down his staff, leaning forward on it as he gazed at her. His large wide eyes never leaving her face as the tips of his ears twitched. Buffy couldn't tell whether he was being serious or if he was greatly amused. "A relative thing, fear is. Have terrified you more, which would? For several hours, running up stairs, or fifteen minutes, riding the turbolift?"

"Search your mind, young Skywalker," Mace Windu said. "And you will know the answer."

Buffy glanced at the black Jedi Master, frowning. "Okay Sammy J," she sighed.

"Master Windu." Depa Bilba cut in.

Not being able to think of anything else, Buffy stuck her tongue out at the older woman. Then, she turned back to Master Windu, er, Samuel L. Jackson. "Just drop the oh, so wise act, you aren't fooling anybody."

But already, she knew that Kermit was right. It would have been much harder to ride the turbolift fearing that it would crash than climbing five hundred flights of stairs. She'd do the stair run again gladly if it meant avoiding the turbolift. Buffy rubbed her temples. So maybe they were right. Maybe, like Obi-wan had said, it was all in her head. But do they always have to give their lessons in the cryptic? And did he have to hit her? It got the lesson across. She swallowed another sigh. She still really, really wanted to hit the little midgit though. No way, they're gonna train your dumb, stubborn ass to be a Jedi now.

"But I guess you might be right about the whole fear thingy. I guess." She wasn't completely sold on the idea though. For one thing it seems like a catch all that everything comes back to the Force. Was this great mystical energy the source of all knowledge and wisdom? And if it was why was it acting out her fears? She broke a piece of technology once, so now she broke it all the time? Or did she only break stuff on Tatooine? She wasn't really sure she got it. Always a chance he could be wrong.

"Face this fear, you must." Yoda said. He was ignoring her grumblings. "Overcome it, you will."

"Fine, fine." Buffy sighed. The way he talked made her head hurt. Hoping they were done with this segment of the conversation, she rubbed the top of her head again and stared at the small Jedi Master. "Now that I've got a wisdom bump to make lumpy my skull, I guess it's time to start the test?"

"If that's what you wish." Mace Windu said. This entire test had already walked off script and now he was taking his cues from Master Yoda. The Order's Grand Master would decide what happened next. Though, Mace Windu was more than half sure that the test had already begun. But whether or not they moved into the traditional modes of testing Force Sensitives? It was unclear. The old Master smiled as he turned away from Buffy and made his way back to his chair. The small group watched as Yoda hopped back into his seat and settled on the cushions.

"What I want," Buffy began. Her voice came out slowly as she surveyed the room again. This all seemed so surreal. She wasn't sure what to make of these Jedi Masters, it would be easy if she could categorize them, but they kept being confusing. She wanted to dislike them, wanted to kick the little green shrimp for hitting her on the head, wanted to make them speak straight, and yet, there was something beneath the cryptic. Something funny. She was sure they that had no idea what to make of her, just as she did them. They were in some kind of stalemate. Or at least it felt that way. "What I want is to know what happened to my brother?"

"We sent him to wait with Qui-Gon until your test was complete." Ki-Adi-Mundi said. "We felt it would be better for both of you if we tested you separately."

"So, if I play along and let you test me, then I can see my brother?"

"Or walk out now, you can." Yoda said. "Keeping you here, no one is."

"As Master Yoda says," Mace Windu agreed. "There would be no point in testing you if you have no interest in being a Jedi."

"A hard life, it is." Yoda added. "And more difficult for those who start late, if no desire you have, no point there is. A waste of time it would be."

Buffy stared at him for a long moment and bit her lip. Did she really want to become a Jedi? Palpatine's offer was looking mighty good about now. But she remembered her conversation with Qui-Gon, when she'd listed all the reasons why she didn't think she should be a Jedi. He believes in me. There was no guarantee that even if she took the test she would pass, and even if she passed it was not very likely that they would accept her. We kinda got off on the wrong foot. And being respectful really wasn't her style. But the question they were asking and the one she had to answer was: did she want to? If I don't try, I'll never know. Buffy wasn't sure if she wanted to spend the rest of her life wondering. And who knows, maybe I can be more than just a Slayer. Buffy swallowed.

"No," she said, looking Master Yoda in the eyes. "I want to try it."

"Try not." Yoda told her. "Do or do not. There is no try."

"Okay, Kermit! I get it!" She shouted, leaping to her feet. "Just test me!"

For the first time, Yoda's smile seemed genuine. "Very well," he said. Lifting a small hologram projector from his lap, he held it in his hand. The back was between her and the image. "Tell us what you see."

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A/N: Believe it or not this was a really, really, really hard chapter to write. The characters never did what I wanted. They wouldn't listen to me. I don't know if this was what all of you were expecting, because it sure wasn't what I thought when I sat down to write. The Jedi?

Well, what an I say about them? They always surprise me and they have a strangely good sense of humor. I'm sure many of you wanted to see the arrogant Jedi get humiliated or something, I know I've read a lot of fics where Buffy gets on her soapbox and tells the Jedi exactly what she thinks is wrong with them. But that's not my Buffy. Sure, she would do that, but not at this stage of development and honestly I wasn't about to try and make her. (She's stubborn and she hits me...) No, the Masters were in control of this conversation from beginning to end. (Like they always seem to be... damn you YODA!) I don't think she managed to ruffle them, which was irritating because I was actually trying!

And yes, Buffy's tech toxicity is all in her head. What you thought I was gonna give her a special power? Pffft. No. Once she gets better control of her Force abilities it'll go away. She still can't drive though...

I'm sorry, but to me Buffy's just not That Special. I mean she's special, but she's not superwoman, she doesn't have some incredibly deep handle on wisdom and while she usually claims the moral high ground she's wrong more often than she's right. And this is basically S2 Buffy. I'm sure it's hard to watch Buffy lose though and she'll eventually get to be right, to win, just not right now. She's got a long way to go and a lot of growing up to do.

No, I don't prefer the Jedi to Buffy. I don't think they're more right or less arrogant or anything like that. They have their flaws, they're just not glaringly obvious to our sweet heroine. As a writer my focus is always on what's realistic. I don't want this story to be Buffy fixing the SW universe. There are enough of those out there.

Before I wrote this story, I did sit down and compare the two classes, Slayers vs Jedi. And you know what I found? On a combat scale and in a head to head the Jedi win every time. Every single time. They've just got better stats. On the whole they've been fighting longer than Buffy and in addition to that they're wizards with swords that cut through anything. They're also skilled in diplomacy, which means they can control where the conversation goes. For all their arrogance, they're patient.

Don't get me wrong, Buffy will eventually compete with them on an even plane. But she's gonna have to become a Jedi first.

Anyway, that's enough of my ramblings. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

Remember to review.