I curled myself further against myself as I heard the door go again. I could hear little mumblings of what was going on, and I knew that Kellan and the gang had now safely gone. But I was too tired to go downstairs.
The reason for this was because I had been crying so much that I was so tired. And I wasn't going to be opening the door to anyone tonight, not with the state of me. Two, loud knocks at the door caught my attention, making me jump in shock.
''Charlie, open the door.'' It was Rachael. I sighed in relief, kinda expecting it to be Rob, but then…I had no chance of that now, did I? Especially after I had spoken so harshly to Rob, like that.
''Charlie, open this door. I need to talk to you.'' She called again. I threw my head into the pillow; forcing it around my head, and tried to ignore her calling for me to open the door, as I sobbed into the pillow.
I knew exactly how I was feeling right now, but I hoped that it would go away, because what I wanted so badly, was Rob to be here. And not just as a friend, but…more. I wanted him to be here; to hold me to him, and tell me the words that I wanted to hear, as he kissed me…and it was so wrong.
I didn't understand why I wanted this, not when I had been so wrapped up in Nick this afternoon. I shouldn't be feeling this, and I was so angry with myself, that I hit out, and threw my pillow at the wall in temper.
''Okay, but…I'll come back later to check on you, and if I have to break this down; I promise you that I will kick this down, darling.'' Rachael warned me, making me smile just a little bit in response.
I heard her feet walking off, and I started crying again, desperate for some release from the pain that I felt, and was aching my heart. It hurt so badly, but it was still my own fault for this whole mess.
''Urm…Charlie.'' I stopped crying automatically, hearing Rob's quiet voice outside my bedroom door. I tried to be quiet, tried to pretend that he wasn't here, and I hoped that he would think that he had just heard something…that I had gone, or something.
''Open this door please…I know you're in your bedroom.'' He confirmed, making me sigh heavily. No use in trying to hide it out then. I forced myself to get up off of the bed, and I walked over to the bedroom door, preparing myself to ask him to leave…beg, if I had to.
Just for tonight anyway, so that I had some time to think about things. Rob didn't want to just be my friend, he had that made that perfectly clear. But I couldn't be anything else, even if that was what we both wanted.
I knew that that didn't make any sense, but I knew that it would be easier for everyone if I kept with Nick. I didn't want to hurt Nick, and as much as I wanted Rob, the other half of me wanted Nick too.
''Rob…I'm tired. Just leave it for tonight, please.'' I begged him through the door separating us, because the truth was that I was too tired. I just wanted to sleep tonight, and talk about things tomorrow.
I had too much to think about as it was, so I doubted that I would be able to sleep much as it was. Couldn't he just leave it at that? I hoped so, because the more I talked about it, the more that it stressed me out.
''I just want to talk to you…even if its just for a minute.'' Rob replied, asking me to let him in. I sighed, wishing that he would just leave me alone for tonight. He had given me too much to think about as it was.
''Please, just leave me alone.'' I begged him, because all I wanted to do was get a good night's sleep first, before we talked to each other about this. Was that so much to ask for? I heard him exhale in frustration, outside my bedroom door.
''Five minutes…that's all I ask…you can even sleep on my chest again, if you want?'' he offered playfully, meaning it as a joke. I huffed in response to that though, because that just wasn't funny at all.
''Ha ha Rob, that's just hilarious after what happened last night-''
''-I was just joking!'' Rob interrupted my panicking, trying to laugh it off. I huffed in response, annoyed with him now, and shook my head in response. It hadn't been funny at all…okay, so maybe a little bit.
I smiled a little, because it was hard not to. This is how I wanted it to be; to be able to be friends with him and have a joke with him, like how I wanted to, but everything was too complicated now.
''Okay, so I wasn't actually joking.'' Rob confessed outside my bedroom door, making me sigh in frustration in response. ''But…only because…well, I want to be in your life Charlie…even if it means that we can only be friends, I'll just…I'll deal with it.'' Rob promised.
The guilt caught up with me instantly, because he sounded so upset about us. I so badly wanted to…well, it wasn't the time to think about that. I opened the door then, wanting to see if he was okay.
He grinned at me in response, pleased that he had actually got me to open the door. I smiled back, before looking away quickly. His smile was enough to make everything else disappear; the wrong, the right…anything.
Which wasn't what I needed right now, not with everything else that I had going on in my head right now.
''I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist my offer.'' Rob teased me jokingly, making me roll my eyes in response.
''Oh hell yeah.'' I joked back, hoping that he wouldn't see that I had been crying. He laughed in response, but that quickly disappeared and I knew why. He was looking at me closely…working it out…
''Have you been crying?'' Rob asked me in shock. I blushed bright red, and quickly looked down at the floor while I tried to compose myself enough to lie to him. I didn't want him knowing that I had been crying.
''Urm…no. I just keep…yawning.'' I admitted lying. I knew that I totally sucked at lying, and that he wouldn't believe me, and I kept chewing on my bottom lip as I waited for him to reply to that one.
''You're such a terrible liar, Charlie.'' Rob sighed heavily in response. I managed to half smile, because it was true. I was the most terrible liar possible, and when it came down to it…I didn't really expect him to believe me.
''It's true.'' I replied, trying to keep my eyes on the floor so that I didn't have to see the reaction on Rob's face in response to my crying. I didn't want him to think that I was just weak or something.
''Charlie…you look like you're going to cry.'' He warned me, even though I didn't feel like I was going to…yet. I looked up in shock after Rob took my hand in his. I smiled back at him, watching him walk closer, in confusion.
He watched me to make sure that it was okay, before he wrapped his arms around me, trying to console me. It felt weird actually…with my head on his shoulder like this, but…it didn't take me long for me to start crying again.
But I didn't even know why I was crying for now, which made it even more embarrassing. I looked up at him in shock, feeling the bed from underneath me. He smiled as I stopped crying now.
I looked towards the door in confusion, to see that he had already shut the door. I had missed that one. I looked back to Rob, and smiled sheepishly after I had cried in front of him, and looked away quickly.
''Are you alright now?'' Rob asked me concerned. I nodded, looking down at the bed still, ignoring his gaze that I could feel on me. I took his hands in my hands, and trailed the lines on the back of his hands.
''I'm sorry…I don't even know why I was crying for…but thanks for not being embarrassed.'' I laughed awkwardly.
He laughed too. ''It's what friends do.'' He replied, catching me off guard. I looked back to him in shock, just as I was about to dry my eyes. Did he still want to be my friend then? No, surely not.
''I told you, Charlie. You mean a lot to me, but I want to be in your life in any way. I'm happy to be your friend because you mean a lot to me.'' He promised me, smiling at me in reassurance as he squeezed my hands.
''Will you…stay? With me, here…as my friend?'' I asked him, because I was starting to feel tired now, and I still wanted him to stay with me. I yawned tiredly to back up my claim, making Rob laugh.
''Okay…I will, but…I'll sleep above the covers.'' That was a wise idea, as friends. I nodded, and got into the covers, snuggling up.
''Here.'' I gave Rob a blanket to keep him warm in the night.
''I'm alright.'' Rob shook his head, not taking it.
''Take it, it gets cold in this room at night.'' I promised him, because it was true. He smiled then and took the blanket from me, wrapping it around himself.
''Thanks.'' He replied, snuggling up to me through the covers after I turned the bedside lamp off, and started to fall asleep.
''Charlie?'' Rob asked quietly; whispering.
''Yeah?'' I asked back curiously, wondering what he wanted as I smiled against the quilt, waiting for his reply.
''Night.'' he said, making giggle.
''Night Rob.'' I replied, snuggling more into his shoulder which I could reach to above the duvet around me.
''Twilight Buds?'' Rob asked me curiously, holding out his little finger for me to take, which made me laugh.
''Twilight Buds.'' I agreed, wrapping my little finger around his and giving it a gentle squeeze, before I pulled away again. He laughed too in response, before we both slowly started to fall asleep.
***