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JOKESTER
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~)51(~
Nakee followed the squad to Chet's house, and the three of them all went around the back and walked into the kitchen. Here they found Chet holding onto a shirtless Johnny who was head down in the sink under the water. Roy got a look at Chet's wary expression and couldn't even bring himself to say hello. Nakee moved up against Johnny's other side as the two paramedics put the medical equipment on the kitchen table. "Chet...uh...?"
He met her eyes and knew what she was asking. "He just wouldn't stop scratching. After we hung up, I went back to look at him, and he was really doing a number on himself. So, I remembered he was still soapy earlier when we got him outta the shower, and dragged him outta bed. I don't think he knows what's going on, but when I put his head under the water he seemed really relieved."
She nodded at this logic and shut off the water so she could have a close look. "Jomahawadon? Do you hear me?"
He only gave a grunt of an answer, but it was enough for her. She probed along the base of his skull as she studied the skin and moved his drenched hair around. She saw some very red, cracked and angry looking patches of skin. He'd scratched so much that he'd torn out some of his hair and had some fingernail gouges in a few spots. She suspected he was conscious enough to scratch, but not enough to realize he was hurting himself. Being so close to his head made her realize how strongly he smelled of soap, and turned the water back on. "This is from soap. I can smell it."
"I knew it was something silly and I really didn't need to call on you guys." Chet looked forlorn.
"No trouble, Chet." Patrick lectured. "Him being on Penicillin like that and getting a rash. I'd have called us too. Right Roy?"
"Right." Roy agreed as he nodded to Chet.
After another few minutes of Nakee and Chet making sure he was soap free, she backed up to let Roy take her spot. "Come on, Junior, let's get you outta there." He and Chet pulled him upright, and they topped his head with a towel and sat him in a chair. Patrick came forward and rubbed Johnny's head dry. When he let go his hair stood up in spikes.
"Lemmee gooOooo," Johnny tried to put his head down on the kitchen table, but Roy stopped him to check his pupils while Nakee held his head from behind to have a better look at the rash. Patrick came in with the BP cuff. Chet watched amazed while the nurse and two medics mercilessly harassed him and yet he still managed to drift back to sleep. "Is he sleeping like that because of the sedative you gave him, Roy?"
"Yeah." Roy nodded as he listened to Johnny's chest.
Nakee was inspecting the back of Johnny's head, and looked up at Chet. "Did he want any of his medicine?"
"No. He didn't wake up at all."
Nakee went to the phone on the wall and dialed a number from memory. "Pat, what was his BP?"
"110 over 76."
She nodded, and shortly was in a conversation with Doctor Morton, efficiently relaying information to him. Roy let Johnny put his head down on the table and rest and kept a hold of him to be sure he didn't fall, but he was looking at Chet, trying to find something to say to him. Patrick sensed this, and put one protective hand on Johnny's back. "I got him man."
"Thanks Pat." Roy gave him a grateful nod, tugged on Chet's sleeve and then walked away into the other room. Chet followed after a few seconds. Patrick stayed as he was, one hand on Johnny for safety. He listened to Nakee giving every detail to doctor Morton that she could think of. "Okay Doc. Should I call you back?" She listened and nodded. "Yep. I'll be quick." She set the phone down, leaving Morton on hold as she looked to Patrick. "He said to have a look at the bite."
Johnny grumbled with disdain as he was disturbed again, but Nakee let him keep his head down in sleep and Patrick cut the old bandage off his arm. It was the first time she'd gotten to see the wound, and it looked just as she'd suspected it would. Some of his skin had been torn off in an oval shape, and there were two cuts, now stitched closed from when Doctor Bracket had extracted the snake's teeth. She inspected it carefully to be sure nothing unhealthy was coming out of it, and that it was not showing any sign of infection. Very gently she touched along the side of the bite wound and pressed her finger down.
"mmmph!" Johnny complained in his sleep and his arm jerked slightly. But he faded out again so quickly that she knew it wasn't really bothering him very much. She grabbed the phone again, "Doctor, it looks fine to me. He's got feeling in it, good circulation and no discharge. Now that we've cleaned the rash on his head, it's already fading, and we haven't put anything on it yet. All right, thank you doctor." She hung up and was about to talk to Pat, but a lot of yelling came from the other room that drew her eyes.
"No way man!" Chet yelled angrily and had a look of disgust and contempt on his face and he waved both hands as he shook his head. "No! Just no way! That is plain sick! I have no idea what is making you think that!"
Patrick and Nakee exchanged looks with each other, and decided to ignore the exchange. Chet was freaking out and bickering, but at least he and Roy were talking. She lifted Johnny's arm and accepted Patrick's help in cleaning the wound and redressing it. Once done, he took a tube of cream and applied it carefully to the back of Johnny's scalp. He muttered in his sleep, but otherwise remained dozing with his head and right arm on the table.
It seemed as if Chet and Roy were almost having a heated argument. And Patrick didn't hear most of it, but began to think Chet was listening to whatever Roy was saying, and only objecting cause he didn't like what he was hearing, and not because he disagreed. After a time of wrapping gauze on Johnny's arm, Patrick began to pack up the boxes.
Roy saw they were done and returned to the kitchen with Chet in tow, still talking to each other.
"Come on, Roy, you gotta be able to give me a better reason than that to think what you're thinking! I mean-that is sick! Really sick!"
"I don't have time to explain it to you! You just have to think about it a little while on your own. You'll see it's obvious, that's the only possibility!" Roy spoke very loudly and motioned to Johnny. "And I'm pretty sure he was starting to put the whole mystery together. I wish he was conscious so I could talk to him about it. But, by the looks of things he's not gonna be coherent again until morning."
Chet exhaled a snort of laughter, and looked over at the table. Nakee was just tucking in an end of gauze on Johnny's arm, and Patrick closed the last box.
Roy sighed realizing it was time to go. "What'd the doc say, Nakee?"
"Basically put him back to bed and bring him into see Bracket in the morning." She looked uncertain and nervous about this as she met Chet's eyes.
He knew he'd have to let the siblings stay the night unless he wanted to help her get Johnny home. He also knew she was nervous of how that was going to look, but she really didn't have much of a choice.
"Don't worry Nakee." He winked at her. "I'll introduce you to my sister when she gets home. I'm sure she'll have a nightie you can borrow."
She smiled back gratefully. "Thanks Chet."
"Lemme give you a hand then." Roy got on one side of Johnny and Patrick on the other. "Come on pal." They lifted him up.
"OooooOOOo..." Johnny groaned at the disturbance. He was so limp in sleep that he was just dead weight. His arm flopped and his head lolled and then dropped against Roy's shoulder. Chet lifted his legs and the three carried him down the hall back to bed. Nakee followed to help get him settled.
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~)51(~
As the squad returned home, the guys were in the kitchen, all waiting impatiently for news on both of their co-workers.
"Johnny's okay!" Roy joined the A-shift bunch at the table, while Patrick joined Sam in front of the television and pretended to not be listening. Roy sat down to tell his work family everything that had happened at Chet's house.
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"Roy, did you believe him when he told you he'd only done those two pranks-the shaving cream and the spider?" Hank asked seriously.
"Yeah. I believed him."
"I don't think he'd have any reason to deny doing that stuff at this point." Marko put in and Mike agreed with a nod.
"Cap, there's uh...I have a theory, but I don't want to say it until I find some evidence to support it." Roy put his arms on the table and leaned forward. "I need details. How in the world did you end up going to Johnny's locker for shaving cream?"
Hank leaned back in his chair and gathered his thoughts...
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~)Past(~
A rather furry faced Hank pushed through the locker room door and flicked on the switch. He grabbed a towel on his way to his locker, pealed off his jacket and uniform shirt, then picked up his shaving kit and headed for the sink. When he pressed the trigger on the can though, only air came out. He tried to shake it, but now realized it was completely empty, and he dropped it in the trash can. The only explanation for it to be empty was that he'd accidentally switched his nearly full can for someone else's empty one from his previous shift at station 45. Only Marko used the brand he liked, and he headed out to ask him to use it. A minute later, he returned and started to help himself to Marko's shaving cream, but he didn't see it in the locker. He didn't want to dig too deep through his stuff, and moved over to Mike's locker. There was his can of shaving cream, but it was light as a feather and when he squeezed the trigger, once again, he got only air. "You gotta be kidding me!" He put the can back and slammed the door.
"What the hell?" He asked aloud as he searched the top shelf of Chet's locker and found two cans of shaving cream, different brands but both were completely empty. He was thinking of having a word with all of them about showing up for a two-day shift with no shaving cream! But he debunked that idea quickly because he was guilty of that very thing, even if it was accidental. He didn't even bother to check Roy's locker, because he used the pine stuff, and he hated to smell like a tree. But he opened Johnny's locker, and there was a can on the top shelf and thank goodness it was not empty! He took it to the sink, lathered his face, and began to shave.
He thought his skin looked green though as he shaved off the whiskers. This had to be a trick of the light though. The florescent bulbs made things look odd at times. But as he finished on shaving and rinsed his cheeks, he looked in the mirror and realized...
"Oh no!" He felt his heart pounding in his chest. He was green!
Frantically he snatched the shaving cream can and read the label. It was a trick! He knew this was Chet's sort of prank. "I'm gonna kill him!" He bowed his head into the sink and tried in vane to wash off the dye with soap. When he looked back up at himself in the mirror, found he was still sporting a happy shade of green, a bit brighter than before in fact. "Oh no!" He raced to his locker for the alcohol, and already he was hearing snorts of laughter in his imagination.
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~)51(~
Mike and Marko both laughed heartily at their poor Captain's story. And they knew Hank was a bit sensitive and easily embarrassed but couldn't help laughing at the poor man. Hank sat looking a bit miserable, resting his head on one hand. But he grinned at the laughter anyway.
Roy wasn't laughing though. "You know. Every one of you used my shaving cream this morning. Except you Cap. You hate my shaving cream so much you'd rather shave with soap."
No one said a word as that statement sank in. Hank scowled and rubbed a cheek. "How the hell does everyone run out of shaving cream except for..."
"...except for the one person who uses a brand you hate?" Roy asked.
"So someone dumped out all our shaving cream?" Marko wondered.
"Yeah!" Mike agreed. "Someone must have done it. I was certain mine was at least half full when I got in yesterday."
"Chet must've done it."
"No. It wasn't Chet." Roy said pointedly. "I asked him about this already and he made it very clear to me, all he did was just trade Johnny's shaving cream for the trick one. And he did not empty out anyone else's."
No one said anything, and all the guys all sat with their hands near their faces. Roy carried on. "Cap, someone emptied out all the shaving cream, including yours but left mine. So, whoever this is, knows you don't like to smell like a tree, and also knew Chet had switched Johnny's shaving cream."
"You're making my head hurt with the logistics." Hank made a motion as if to rub at his head with one hand. "Just tell us what you're getting at."
"Well..." Roy sighed as he gathered his thoughts. "Unless Johnny figured out about the shaving cream switch and then decided to set you up, which I doubt, then there's only one other possibility..."
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~)Past(~
Chet walked into the locker room, and made sure no one was coming in behind him. From his own locker, he took a can of shaving cream that he'd had hidden in the back. With a silly grin and a giggle, he opened Johnny's locker and made the quick switch. And good, Johnny still had the usual brand. The gag would not have worked otherwise. Chet took the real shaving cream and stashed it in his locker. Still grinning to himself, he exited the locker room.
But someone had seen him do this, and a short time later as the station was called out on a run, Carl came out of his hiding place inside the locker room. He peaked out the door to be sure both trucks were gone. Assured that he was alone, he went to see what Chet had done, and discovered the shaving cream can was actually a gag that would dye someone's skin green. He smiled as he thought about this a moment. Captain Stanley needed a shave, he knew.
He went from locker to locker and one at a time emptied the shaving cream cans out into a sink and rinsed it all down the drain. But it was taking a bit longer than he expected to empty them all out, and he was running out of time. He'd been watching the men for a while to learn their habits; otherwise he wouldn't be able to pull off the pranks so perfectly without getting caught. He'd gathered that Hank hated to smell like a tree, because he would get disgusted by the smell when Desoto shaved. So, he didn't have to worry about that. And if one guy's shaving cream was just missing out of his locker, he'd think he'd forgotten it. He took the final can out of a locker. A moment later, he'd disappeared back into his hiding place.
MORE TO COME...