Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry about the wait, I've been extremely busy! Read on and enjoy!
-Disclaimer—I own nothing
The days pass by so slowly I'm half convinced time has stopped. I kept my word and left Kate alone. I was secretly hoping that she would come to me, but she didn't. Steve couldn't find out anything. Apparently she wasn't talking to him either and wouldn't come out of her room. Caty was there with her all of the time and Two-Bit couldn't get anything out of her either. Neither of them had been to school since Monday even though they both seemed fighting fit. I tried to go along as if life was normal.
Darry didn't seemed to concern by any of it, just told me that I'm over reacting. Ponyboy was worried about Kate. She was his friend and if she was sick of course he was going to be scared for her.
Eventually Thursday arrived and my two days were up. Me and Steve finish work and drive back to my place. Ponyboy was home doing his homework, Darry was home already cooking dinner. Two-Bit and Caty were going out to see who could drink the most tequila shots before passing out. I swear they're made for each other.
That was also a good thing though. I know that Kate's alone. It was so fucking infuriating, not knowing or having any peace of mind about what was going on with us. Steve goes to the fridge and pulls out one of my chocolate cakes sitting down in front of the TV next to Ponyboy, watching the six o'clock TV.
"Hey Darry, I'll be back soon," I yell to him from mine and Pony's bedroom changing out of my work clothes.
"Where ya headin' to?"
"Steve's."
"Aight', you goin' to talk to Kate?"
"Yep, hopefully I'll actually get somethin' out of her," I sigh. I walk out of the bedroom and into the living room and tousle Pony's hair, grinning at him.
Darry nods at me, distracted by the steaks he was cookin'. "Righto then, don't be long though, we need to go over the bills."
"Good luck bud," Steve encourages.
"Thanks man," I call over my shoulder walking out of the house.
I drive to Kate's house, and in a matter of minutes I'm there. I don't know what I'm going to say to her.
I'm nervous. What if she does tell me and it's something really bad? The nerves almost cause me to turn around and drive home, but then I remember its Kate. I push open Steve's heavy front door walking into the house. It was quite as usual, but the lights are on inside the house. I walk from room to room looking for Kate as I make my way to her bedroom. As usual her doors closed.
I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and knock on the door loudly. "Kate. Babe, I know you're there, open up," I say gently.
"Soda, leave me alone," I hear her say lifelessly.
"No! I'm not going anywhere, not until you talk to me."
"Nothing's wrong, I just want to be alone!"
"Bullshit Kate! I know something's wrong, and I know you're not telling me something! We're in a relationship, remember? People don't just stop talking to each other for no reason like this when they're going steady." I try to keep my voice steady.
"Well then, as my boyfriend you should do the one thing I want and leave me alone!" Kate snaps.
"Well since you're my girlfriend, I can't just do that! I love you, no matter what; But you need to tell me what the problem is," I say tiredly.
"I know that! Just please leave Soda! Go home. Nothing's wrong, I can handle my own problems!" she yells through the door.
I groan inwardly. "Well you shouldn't have to handle them on your own, not when you're my girlfriend and we're meant to deal with them together," I say, sliding down against the door into a sitting position, and leaning back against it. "I'm not going anywhere. You can't make me," I say stubbornly.
"Oh my God Soda! You're so stubborn! All I want is to be left alone."
"I'm never going to leave you alone. You can always count on me Kate. You can tell me anything, it's me you're talking to," I plead.
It's quite on the other side of the door for a second, then I hear footsteps walking and I stand up. I hear her unlocking the door and it finally opens, as if by magic.
Kate's standing there in a pair of faded old ripped jeans and an oversized purple sweater. Her face is pale, and her eyes look red from crying. Her eyes are that navy blacky colour still, and under them are huge dark circles. She looks as if she hasn't slept in days. She looks so small in that sweater, and vulnerable. I groan inwardly again when I see her.
"Kate, can you just tell me what's going on?" I practically beg.
She shakes her head, and grabs my hand, pulling me into her bedroom. The light was on this time, her bed un-made. She sits me down on the bed and sits herself down on her big desk chair facing me.
"Kate, what's the matter?" I ask, concerned by the state she's in.
"I don't . . . I don't want to ruin your life," she starts slowly, looking at her hands. When she looks up, I see a tear's rolling down her cheek.
I laugh softly. "How can you ruin my life? You're the best part of it," I promise, leaning forward and taking her hands.
She just shakes her head and looks into my eyes. "I know you will always love me, and I know you will do anything for me . . . That's part of the problem. It would be easier if you didn't," she sniffs wiping the tear away and looking out her window.
What the hell does she mean? "Do you still love me?" I ask panic rising inside me.
"Yes! Of course I do, that's why this is so hard," she tells me, gripping my hands tighter.
"Then what's the matter? You can tell me anything. No matter what it is," I try to convince her, hoping that she will tell me already, though I'm a little scared about what could be so bad to bring on this reaction.
Kate takes a deep breath, and another tear rolls down her cheek. She looks up at me, and her eyes look terrified.
"Kate, tell me what's wrong." I speak gently.
"Um, I . . ." She starts, but then stops and scrunches her eyes together tightly, her hand limp in mine. She takes another deep breath and looks at me. "Soda, I think . . . I think I might be . . . Pregnant."
My mind freezes. My body goes stiff and I stare at her in shock. What the fuck? Did I hear her right? I gulp, and look at her.
"Pregnant? How?" I whisper, not managing to be able to speak any louder than that.
"That time a few weeks ago, when we didn't have protection. . ."
I remember. "But you're on birth control . . . You can't be . . ." I mumble, still whispering.
Kate shook her head. "Apparently it's not one hundred percent reliable," she blurts tears falling down her cheeks.
I feel as if I might be sick myself. "Are . . . are you sure?"
She nods her head. "I think so. The throwing up, headaches, mood swings and I'm late. What else could it be?"
I feel numb. "I don't know," I say, looking up at her, my voice a little stronger.
Holy shit! A Dad? I can't be a Dad! I'm only seventeen! I remember when I thought for five seconds I might be a Dad, the same feeling washing over me. I sit there, frozen in my spot.
Suddenly, Kate stands up. "So that's why you need to leave. This is my problem not yours," she said determinedly.
I look up from where I'm sitting in shock. "This is my problem, just as much as it is yours," I stubbornly shoot back to her.
"No its not, you can still live a normal life. You don't have to do anything, just leave me and it will all be fine for you."
I can't believe what I'm hearing! "Kate, you didn't do this on your own you know. We, did this, together. So it's just as much my problem as yours," I point out.
"Yeah but it doesn't have to be."
I shake my head. "Just, stop with that whole point. I'm not leaving you."
Kate nods, the tears falling freely down her cheeks. I take a deep breath to clear my mind. I look up to Kate, and my heart breaks. She's standing in front of the door, that sweater just about swallowing her, her raven hair falling around her face and down her back. Her dark eyes with tears brimming over them look hopeless. She looks so scared, terrified. I'm scared too. I don't want to be a Dad; maybe in the future, but not one now. But then I imagine how Kate must feel and I can't stop myself. I stand up and walk over to her.
"Come here," I invite her, opening my arms and she walks into them. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. I feel her tears seep through my t-shirt. I kiss the top of her head.
"It's all gonna be okay," I sooth.
Kate just laughs a little and cry's a lot. Eventually, I take her hand and sit her down on the bed next to me.
"Sorry bout' all of that," she says. "I hate crying in front of people."
"Pfft, what are you sorry bout'? You've seen me cry, bout time I saw you," I fake grin, trying to make her smile. It works a little then she sighs, looking serious again. "Whattya goin' ta do . . . bout it?" I ask slowly.
"I don't know . . ." she quietly mutters. "I mean, if I . . . do keep it, then I'll be sent to an unmarried mothers ward. . ." Suddenly she's on her feet pacing around the room, kicking clothes and books out of the way as she does. "Shit Soda! This is fucking bad!" Kate yells. "I mean, we're not married, or even adults yet! We'll be having this child out of wed-lock!" Kate sobs.
It's unnerving, seeing her like this. She always keeps her emotions in check about bad and serious situations. Like just last week, Steve got jumped by a mob of Socs walking back from the DX. He came home all bloodied and beaten up and Kate didn't even bat an eyelash when he staggered through the door, cursing up a storm and yelling out for the bottle of whisky in the cabinet. It's not like Kate didn't care, I could see in her eyes the terror and panic looking at him like that, but she still kept her calm, using her head and cleaning up his scrapes and checking for concussion.
"You know I'll marry you, Kate. Whatever you do, it's okay by me," I insist to her, pulling her by the hand back into her chair, squeezing it.
"I know you will," she sighs.
The sound of knuckles rapping on the door makes me jump a little in my seat. It opens slowly and I see Caty. When she sees me, she looks surprised, then pleased.
"Howdy. Whatta you doin' here?" Caty asks, walking in and closing the door.
"I could ask you the same question, weren't you and Two-Bit meant to be out getting wasted?" I ask.
"Oh yeah, that. I felt too bad leaving Kate all alone here, and Two-Bit decided Kathy sounded better tonight," Caty says wrinkling her nose. "Anyway, you two talked?"
Kate nods her head. "Yeah, I've told him everything."
I nod my head as well, squeezing Kate's hand again. Caty stares at me, wide eyed.
"And you're not . . . freaking out?" Caty asks carefully.
"I'm trying not to," I say, even though I know that the inside of my head is freaking out like a pin ball machine on steroids.
"Thank fuck for that! I can't keep secrets and this one nearly killed me!" Caty groans, relaxing down onto the other side of Kate's bed.
"Yeah well, just keep your trap shut for a lil while longer. I don't want Oklahoma through to Montana knowing bout this," Kate sighs.
"I aint' gunna say nuttin. Relax," Caty says pulling out a smoke and lighting it.
My heart's still thumping in my chest, I feel a little sick, and my head's swarming with a thousand different thoughts. I don't let any of this on though. Kate needs the people around her to stay strong. I can always freak out later on tonight.
"Thanks," Kate says to Caty, before pulling her legs back to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, resting her head on top of her knees.
"So, have you guys decided what you're goin' to do?" Caty asks.
Kate looks as if she hasn't heard a word Caty just said and is staring at the picture of her parents and brother sitting on her desk. Kate looked nothing like parents or brother, she said she took after her Mom's side of the family with the dark hair. Her Mom, Jennifer, looks nothing like Steve's Dad, even though they're brother and sister. She had long honey blonde hair, golden tanned skin, a soft smile, warm blue eyes and the same toned slim body her daughter shared. Kate's Dad, Owen, had a mop of light sun bleached blonde hair, smiley blue eyes, and a distinguished crooked nose that Kate said had been broken more times than she could remember. Nate looked like his Mom and Dad. He has wide bright smile, light brown hair that was a little long, bright blue eyes and tanned skin. He's tall and lean. He's a good looking guy. In fact the whole family was picture perfect.
I realize that Caty was still waiting for an answer. "No, not yet," I say tiredly.
"Are you two gonna get married?"
Kate's head snaps up. "Caty, we don't even know if we're gonna. . . go through with it yet, let alone the details," she says, sounding just as freaked out as I feel.
Caty pays no mind to her tone. "Oh yeah. True."
Oh fuck. It's like a tonne of bricks has just landed on me. It all comes crashing down just how serious this is. We all sit around, not talking for a few minutes. Caty puffs on her smoke, laying back on the bed and blowing smoke rings. Kate's biting hard on her lip, her hands shaking a little. I just sit there, trying to figure out what to say. Kate fixes that problem.
"Anyway Soda. Now you know what's going on, you should go home," she says not looking at me.
I look up in surprise. "I thought we agreed that I wasn't going to run away from this?"
"We did, but you can't stay here forever. Your brothers will be wondering where you're at," Kate sighs.
I remember the time and how Darry needed me at home soon. I'm torn between staying with Kate and trying to sort some of this out, or going out and helping Darry.
"It's okay, they can wait a little longer. . . Besides I don't want to leave you alone," I tell her.
Kate sighs again and looks down at her hands again.
"It's okay Soda, I'll stay here with her," Caty pipes up. I had forgotten about her.
"I'm fine to stay on my own. I don't need any baby sitters," Kate buts in, standing up.
Caty and I act as if we haven't heard her. "You sure?"
"Yeah, where else do you think I've been staying for the past few days?" Caty says with a laugh.
Kate sighs.
"Aight, thanks Caty." I stand. "I'll be back tomorra' sometime . . . Are you sure you're gonna be aight?" I ask Kate.
"I've managed this long, haven't I?" Kate said in a small voice.
I smile. "Yeah, I guess you have." Kate walks me to the front door, and I stand there looking at her. "Hey, we're in this together. You're not alone," I say to her, taking her chin between my fingers, tilting her head to look up at me.
Something flickers behind those dark eyes, like her old self, before she answers. "I know. You're too smart to run away, you know I would have hunted you down and found you," she kids.
I let go of her chin and laugh along with her, partly because it's the truth and partly because I'm just so relieved to see some life back in her.
"You got me," I say jokingly.
"What are we going to do?" Kate asks me, troubled.
I sigh. "Honestly? I have no idea," I tell her, trying to stop myself from panicking.
Kate looks back up to me under her long eyelashes, her huge eyes full of trust and terror. I remember everything Caty told me the other day about her, and a few things cross my mind.
"Hey, how come you never told me about New York?" I ask.
"I did. I told you I moved there with Caty after my parents died, I became a hood then I left."
"But you never told me just how bad you were," I say pointedly.
"Well you never asked. Who told you?" She asks sounding ashamed.
"Caty did. I had no idea you were that bad. I mean, I knew that you and Caty hung around with Dally, but he never did a heap of drugs or anything."
"And I guess you want to know why I did those things?"
"Yep."
Kate sighs, pulls back from me and holding onto my hand, looking at it as she speaks.
"When my parents died, I felt completely alone. I mean, I had Nate, but we don't talk, and living where I did just seem to remind me of them and everything I lost. Moving to New York away from all of the things that reminded me of them seemed like a good idea, but I could never forget it. Having that thought there, not been able to get rid of it, made my life hell. I thought that maybe if I changed just a little bit, then maybe I wouldn't seem like myself so much and would be able to forget what happened. I didn't forget, but I changed.
The weed wasn't numbing enough, so I tried pills. When I was high, it was the only time that I was happy. Drinking helped, and the guys were a distraction. I didn't realise I was addicted, until it was too late. I thought I was above been addicted to anything. I don't know, I had just lost all self-respect or something.
I didn't care what I did or where I ended up. I just wanted out. Me and Caty still kind of had normal lives. We went out partying, hung out with friends and went to movies and dances, but behind all of that I was still addicted to those things.
Then one day, I woke up, and I remembered what I used to be like. Back before my parents died, when I still lived in Montana. I remembered how happy I used to be. I wanted to be like that again, but I had forgotten how . . ." Kate's quite for a second and I take in everything she just said. She looks up to me before starting again. "Have you ever been addicted to something?" I shake my head. I don't think chocolate counts. "Well it's the worse feeling. You want to stop, you honestly do, but you can't. It's like its holding onto you, refusing to let go. It's so God damn frustrating!
One day, after I had just been let out of hospital from alcohol poisoning I knew I had to stop or I would end up killing myself. I cut back on all of those things, until I had virtually stopped all together. I was better, but not the same as I had been before Mom and Dad. I had changed a lot, just . . . different. Into a greaser. You've known Dally his whole life, and you've seen how his changed over the years, after getting out of jail all them times and coming from New York. Seeing and doing those things changes a person for good. I stayed in New York for a week or two, but it was too tempting to go back to the way I was. Luckily the state caught onto me and moved me here," Kate finishes, shrugging, looking tense.
"Does Steve know about this?" I ask.
"No, it's personal . . . Besides, it's not exactly I'm proud of," Kate says sounding ashamed again and dropping my hand.
"Well you don't have to hide it, or feel bad over it," I tell her reassuringly.
"It's easier said than done. I feel like I let my parents down," Kate says grimly.
"You mighta' gone off the rails for a lil while, but what you're doin' right now, goin' back ta school, quittin' the bad stuff, sticking with one guy and setting up a solid life and livin' with Steve makes up for all of that. Most people, especially after what you went through, wouldn't have had the strength to pull em self's outta that ditch, but you did. Your
parents would be proud, I know it," I say seriously.
"I hope so . . . But then there's this other feeling. Like I shouldn't be with you."
"That's ridiculous. Why the hell do you think that?"
"Because you're too good for me. You're so good and golden and you have such a pure heart . . . I'm just so . . . muddy. I don't deserve someone as good as you after all of the shit I've done."
I squeeze her hands and look deep into her eyes. "That's bullshit! You are good. And you're not muddy. Kate, you are one of the best girls-human beings, I have ever met. So what if ya turned to drugs? It doesn't make you a bad person. So what if ya'll drank alot? You stopped before you could do anything seriously bad to yourself. So what if you made out with guys? Girls like Sylvia don't just make out with guys, you know? And even if you slept with a few, It doesn't make you muddy or stop you from havin' a pure heart. Hell, you know I ain't so innocent myself."
"Yeah . . . Steve are always telling me about your 'man whore' days," Kate says with a laugh.
I laugh as well. Okay, yeah I admit it. Ima man whore. I like girls a little too much if possible, and well, they like me back. A lot. And sex I love. Put two and two together and you end up with a man whore. But when I'm in a relationship, I'm faithful as all hell, even if I'm not that into the girl.
"Yeah well, what can I say? The chicks dig me," I say, giving my best Elvis impersonation and grin. "You deserve the best," I kiss the crown of her head.
Kate sighs deeply. "How do you understand everything, and know what to say all the time?"
I smile and shrug. Kate sighs again. "You should get going home," she says reluctantly, still looking tense as she starts to turn around.
I grab her hand, and spin her around into my arms. She relaxes there, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I ask.
"I'm sure."
"Aight', but if ya need me, just call me and I'll be over here," I tell her seriously looking into her eyes.
"I will," Kate promised.
"Try not to worry babe, we'll fix this," I say soothingly to her, tightening my arms around her waist not believing a word I just said.
"I'll try," Kate says tiredly, tilting her head back looking at me, smiling despite the situation.
"Good," I mumble as Kate reaches up and kisses me.
I kiss her back, her soft lips moving with mine. Kate reluctantly pulls back and I let her go.
"I'll be back tomorrow."
"I love you Soda, no matter what happens, don't forget that."
"I won't," I smile. "Love you too." I squeeze her hand once more, trying not to look worried, before stepping of the porch and walking to the truck.
I slide into the driver's seat, looking over to the house. The front door is just swinging shut. I try not to think or feel anything as I pull out of the driveway onto the main road. I put my foot hard on the accelerator, turning the radio up as loud as it will go, sitting upright in my seat. Instead of turning right towards my house, I keep going straight towards the cemetery.
I need to see Johnny.
Please review and let me know what you think! It really helps keep my motivated knowing that you like what I write. -Fee xx
That's all for now, tata my lovelies.