Naruto and its characters © Masashi Kishimoto

Lee and Gaara sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Gaara's POV.

Here we go… the EPIC-logue.

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STIGMA

Epilogo

I was twenty-three when my father died and I first became the Kazekage. Now, ten years later, I have seen more in the decade than most people would've seen in their entire life. I have seen death, have caused it, and have survived it. I saw people I love murdered before my eyes and I murdered others to avenge them. I have gone from a naïve college graduate to the most powerful man in Suna and to a nobody with nothing, not even an identity. Many things have happened in the ten years. I disowned my sister and made amend with her on her deathbed. I bonded with my brother and pulled the plug on him. I killed a man, quite gruesomely, with my own hands. I made a friend who betrayed me but I forgave him at the end. I have a daughter whom I haven't seen in five years. I made many---too many---mistakes. I have regrets that I can't begin to count. I have guilt that torments my waking hours. My life in those years was unpredictable, always taking turns that I could not see coming. But throughout the turbulent years, there has always been one constant: I have Rock Lee in my life.

I had three shoeboxes full of letters, cards, and photographs from him. He sent me pictures of himself with Karura; she is growing up to be such a lovely child. I had a half-full album with her pictures: first day of kindergarten, her birthdays, her first ice-cream, her first bike… events that I should've witnessed with my own eyes instead of staring a lifeless photograph. I locked them all away in the corner of my room, in fear that someone might find them. I couldn't keep their picture with me. If something happened to me, I couldn't have people looking into who they are. I've put their lives in enough danger before I disappeared. In the five years that I had vanished from their lives, they had enjoyed a peaceful existence. No one burst into their home and kidnapped them. No one put guns to their heads and threatened them. No one harassed them. No one stalked them and observed them from afar. They had a normal life, one that I couldn't have possibly given them. Nonetheless, I latched onto Lee's loving words, delighting in the fact that he still loves me dearly. He still wants me to return to his home and shares his remaining life with me… only me. I made a promise to myself and him: I will return to him one day, and when I do, I won't ever leave again.

Akatsuki, the organization that single-handedly took down the five Kages, was disbanded by the government. Its members, those surviving after their laborious sacrifices, were being tried for crime against humanity. The government denied having anything to do with them. Akatsuki was, in the official press release, a criminal organization which actions were so atrocious that it must be punished by the law to the full extend. The members were given death penalty. After the damages they had done, I was sure that they could easily fight their way out. But maybe they felt that their life mission had been completed, none of them resisted arrested. They waited in the jail cell, patiently embracing their imminent death. The good news was that I no longer had to worry about an Akatsuki finding me and finishing me off. I had lived in fear of them for five years. When the judge announced the sentence, I took a long breath of relief.

With Akatsuki out of the picture, I only had to worry about the police. They had been looking for me to indict me for the murder of Orochimaru. They found my hair on his hospital gown. They didn't have a DNA match but, like I said, there weren't many redheads in Suna. With Sasori dead, I was the only suspect. The witnesses that saw me that night were too scared to testify, even though the Family was gone. They still thought that something would happen if they pointed me out. I could only be thankful that we were still a fearsome household name.

Baki's visit to Waves diminished over the months due to his failing health. All the smoking and drinking were finally taking its toll on his weary body. He brought me Lee's letters every half a year now. The rest of the time, he spent going in and out of the hospital. Baki didn't have a family, which meant he had no one to rely on as he aged. He wrote to me in one of his notes that he wished he had a son to take care of him.

Don't die alone, Gaara, he warned me. I don't plan to, I wanted to tell him, but he had already moved into the hospital. I stopped getting Lee's letters and news about what the Suna police were doing. I was clueless. Panic set in. I worried daily about what was happening to Baki. He had watched over me over the years. The least I could do for him was not to let him die alone in a hospital room. I had to go back to Suna. If the police were waiting for me at the border with guns, then so be it. I was going home.

--

I arrived at Suna four days later. The place had changed. There were new buildings and shops occupying the roads. There were new people roaming the streets. I kept a low profile but I could feel that people's eyes were falling on me as I walked my way to the hospital. It had a new wing and had been remodeled. With illegal businesses gone, money returned to the people's hands. I headed to Baki's room that he shared with three other patients. They were all about his age and all had heart problems. I slipped through the drawn privacy curtain. Baki's room in the house was the size of a standard living room. Now, he was spending his ill days in a tiny cubicle. The bathtub in my old house was bigger than his space. His eyes were closed and he didn't know that it was me. He thought I was a nurse.

"I don't need anything right now, miss. Why don't you leave me be?" His voice was breathless and tired.

"I'm sorry," wasn't the right words, but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth.

He lifted open his eyelids and tilted his head. He blinked to make sure that he wasn't seeing things. He didn't say my name. I helped him sit up. He had aged a lot in the short years. I could tell that he was battling hard against his illness.

"You're all grown up now. I remember you when you were this big." He gestured the size of an infant with his hands.

"You told me not to cry to you when I'm nothing but a broken man, but… I don't listen well."

"Oh, I don't care about that anymore." He patted his chest. "This is my worry now."

"I… really am sorry."

"You were a kid. You had to learn the hard knocks. The important thing is that you grew from it. I can tell you're a different man now." He put his hand on my shoulder. His skin was wrinkled and his veins were green. "You're strong. You can make it through anything."

"I need you." It was my subtle way of saying 'please don't die'.

"Oh, bullshit. You're a big boy. You don't need me holding you up." He scoffed and gave me a playful smack on the cheek. "Hey, hey, I'm not dead yet."

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"You can pick me up one of those fruit baskets. I'm craving for some oranges."

I left the hospital and headed over to the market a gift basket. I had a lot of money in the bank but I couldn't touch them. A dead person couldn't return money from his bank account. And without a legal death certificate, Karura couldn't receive my inheritance. Fortunately, I had put Lee on my will and as Karura's legal guardian in the event of my death. As soon as I was legally dead, all the money would go to them. I survived on what I made in the deli shop. I had never worked a day before in my life prior to it, and there was a strong satisfaction to know that I was working for my own money. I brought the oranges and went back to peel them for Baki. We sat and talked for a long while until visiting hours were over. Before I left, Baki told me the best piece of news.

"Orochimaru's case is going to get closed soon. Wait it out."

--

As Baki had told me, the case was closed about three months later. I read about it in the newspapers. From my past experience, I took into consideration that it could be a trap to get me to show my face. So I waited, very impatiently, for another three months. I didn't visit Baki. I kept a very low profile in Waves. I was non-existing to the rest of the world. Then I found my obituary in the newspapers. There was going to be a candlelight vigil in Suna in my memories. Some people still idealized the Kazekage live enough to keep my memories alive. I wondered how Lee would react. I hoped he wouldn't think it was true. While I waited to be officially dead, I prepared myself for a long awaited visit to Konoha. I felt like a girl on her first date. I didn't know what to wear. All my clothes looked ugly. My shoes were dirty. My pants were too short. Naturally, I went shopping for a new outfit. I knew that Lee wouldn't care how I look, but I wanted to make a good impression, especially on Karura. I wondered if she would remember me.

Finally, after five years and seven months, I stepped foot in Konoha. There was a new atmosphere surrounding the place. It was livelier than before, but it felt somewhat forced. It felt like the people were trying to restart their lives after Akatsuki's attack by blatantly pretending that it didn't happen. There was a hollow happiness on the people's face. They were scared and traumatized, but they didn't want to confront their demons. They happily lived not living at all.

I went to Lee's apartment and stood at the door for ten minutes before I had the courage to ring the bell. The wait for him to open the door felt like light-years. I had never been more nervous in my life. My stomach turned like I was falling out of a plane without a parachute and heading straight for a mountain spike. I adjusted my new outfit, making sure that the shirt was wrinkle-free, the pants didn't have any crease, and my shoes were buffed to reflect. I heard the door unlocked and the knob turned. I swallowed hard and anticipated an over-the-top reaction from Lee.

"Uh… Can I help you?" The teenager who opened the door asked with a frown.

I slapped myself over and over for not checking if Lee had moved. It was a one-bedroom apartment and if he was taking care of Karura, it seemed reasonable to find a new place. I walked away without saying a word. The current tenant cursed behind my back and slammed the door. If I went to the city hall, maybe I could find Lee's current address. Konoha was too big of a place for me to go door-to-door. I checked my watch. It was Wednesday and school was almost let out. Lee said that Karura started her first year of elementary school. I figured that if I went to the school, I could be able to find her. Luckily, there was only one elementary school in Konoha.

I arrived across the school just in time to see the children let out. There must have been three hundreds of them rushing out of the school ground. The children blended perfectly into a sea of white and red in their standardized uniform. I had no idea how I was supposed to spot out Karura in the crowd. I scanned my eyes from one girl to the next. It was nearly impossible to tell them from each other. Konoha parents must have an obsession with dressing their children alike. I waited alongside other parents. The crowd of children thinned out. About fifteen children lingered by the front entrance with a teacher supervising them.

When my eyes landed on Karura, I knew it was her. It wasn't simply because of the pictures. There was a natural link between father and daughter. It was as if there was an invisible umbilical cord tying us to each other. Her eyes, a precious aquamarine, glowed like the halo of an angel. The camera did not do her justice. Her hair was tied into two braids and she wore orange legwarmers, a sharp contrast to her white and red uniform. She stared around, scrutinizing her surrounding like a radar. Her sight landed at my direction. There was an instant acknowledgement. She pushed herself off the fence and stalked toward me. I never thought I would be intimidated by my five-year-old daughter, but I was. Her expression was cold and stoic, interested in everything but fascinated by nothing. Her look said she'd seen it all. She was fearless and bolder than her peers. She stood in front of me, her arms crossed over her chest. Her chin lifted up, as if she was trying to look down on me, whom was significantly taller than she was.

"Are you my father?" Her voice was crisp with a tough undertone; nothing like what a child should sound like.

"I am." I kneeled down in front of her, resisting the urge to hug her. I didn't get the feeling that Karura was the affectionate kind. "Do you remember me?"

"I've seen your pictures around the house." She moved her eyes up and down. "Where have you been?"

"It's a long story. I'll tell you when you're older." I couldn't believe how mature she sounded. What happened to her high giggles and glass-breaking screams?

"You can tell me now." She lowered her head and glared her eyes up at me, as if daring me to defy her demand.

"I had to be away for a while, but I'm back now. That's what matters."

"Is that so? Hmph."

"Yes. I wouldn't lie to you." I reached out and hesitantly put my hands on her shoulders. She glanced at them but didn't shrug them off. "Where is your… dad, Karura?"

"He's right behind you."

I stood up immediately and turned around. I felt him crushing me in a heart-breaking embrace. I wrapped my arms behind his shoulders and pulled him as close as our bodies would allow. His hot breath ran down my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair, silky as always. His scent filled up my nostrils and travelled to every inch of my body through the bloodstream. I felt him tickling the core of my stomach. I could be with him like this for two thousand years and it wouldn't be long enough. He was the one who pulled away first. He held my face in his hands. His smile, like the golden orb of sun, illuminated my life again. He brushed his thumbs against my cheeks. His eyes, colored with unfathomable depth of love and longing, pierced through my soul.

"Welcome back," he whispered softly for only the two of us to hear.

We kissed. My mind exploded with the endless spectrum of colors. He seeped into my soul and lifted me high like I was soaring through the clouds in heaven. It was a chaste and innocent kiss, a solemn dedication that we would outlast everything else. When the end day comes, the last thing the world will know of is Gaara and Rock Lee's love. We pulled away from each other. Air refilled the chambers of our lungs. I put a gentle hand on his face.

"I'm home."

I will never leave again.

LA FINE.

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WOO! IT'S FINISHED! We can all move on with our lives now! Ahem, I want to thank my readers and my reviewers. You lovelies kept me going and make me feel like that I wasn't wasting my time writing about anime boys and their gay love. A very special thanks to: JunebugXD, Batty Angel, Darkling221, yggdrasilxxx, cruixe, Green Beast of Oita, and Rockleerox93.

I'll be writing a commentary about the whole fiction on my LJ. I'm too tired to write it now. So hop on over (and FRIEND ME!) if you're interested in knowing what went on in the mind of Boyue while she was plotting this fiction. I've also put up a list of upcoming projects.

Next up, I'll be working on the one-shot for each of you. Look forward to that. =)

Thanks again for your continuous support and I hope you'll keep reading my work! Until next time!

With lots and lots of love,

Boyue

12.21.08

7:35 PM