DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS FROM TWILIGHT. THEY ALL BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.
After this I'm not sure how much I'll be able to update during the next week, due to a swim meet that I have to train for. I'll try and update as much as I can, but I can't promise it'll be loads. Sorry guys.
EPOV
"Well, um, Edward, I really don't know how to say this but um...." He trailed off and didn't start again until I looked pointedly at him. "You, um, you had a ... a heart attack, son."
I felt my world crash around me.
I'd had a heart attack!!!!! At seventeen. I didn't think that that was possible. How? How could I have possibly had a heart attack?!
I sat there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I knew they were watching me, waiting for some sort of reaction. Well, probably more of a reaction that the one I was giving them at least. I didn't know what to say, what to do. Nothing seemed to make sense to me anymore. How could I have had a heart attack at seventeen?
"Edward?" I heard a soft voice calling my name. I looked up at Bella. She had tears in her eyes, tears that were threatening to fall. Her beautiful pale skin had been tarnished by a blush. Not the embarrassed blush that made her even more endearing, but the blush that threatened tears. The blush that told of what was to come. I didn't think I could handle her crying, but I knew it was something that couldn't be avoided. "It was so scary. When I saw Mike holding you there like he was and then you just slumped to the ground, I was so scared. I had no idea what was happening. And then the paramedic told me that it looked like you had had a heart attack!" She was crying now, the tears flowing freely down her cheek. Had she really been that scared for me? I was beginning to believe that she might need me as much as I needed her. "I felt like everything had crashed around me. I didn't know what to do. I mean, I know we haven't known each other that long but I need you Edward. I don't know what I would do if I were to lose you."
"They worked on you for a long time, trying to get you stable." Carlisle said, sitting on the edge of my bed, being careful not to disturb any of the tubes or wires that were attached to my body. "Thankfully they said that you don't need surgery as it wasn't as bad as it could have been. They said that if we can get you healthy enough then there's very little chance of anything like this happening again." He looked at me solemnly. "You know what this means Edward?" He was staring at me and I made no move in response. I did know what it meant. I was actually going to have to get better. That thought scared me more than the fact that I had just had a heart attack. Could I handle getting better? I didn't know if I could. "You are going to have to actually get better this time. No avoiding it. If you don't then you will die."
He said it matter-of-factly. I knew he was trying to scare me. There was no need. I was already terrified.
"We're all going to help you Edward," Bella said. "We're all going to help you get through this, aren't we Carlisle?" He nodded in response, never taking his eyes off of me. "You can get better Edward, I know you can."
I still didn't look at her. Could I really handle getting better, as they put it? Would I be able to let go of everything that had kept me going for the last ten years or so. The only coping mechanism I'd had. I didn't know if I could. But I wasn't being given a choice, now was I? It was either that, or have another heart attack and die. Even though a month or two ago I would have relished that thought, something had changed. I didn't have the urge to hurt myself in that way as much any more. I don't know what it was that had changed my mind, as a little while ago, I had been begging for death. I had welcomed death. Most people thought of death as the end, but I'd thought of it as a release, an escape. But no longer. And I didn't know why.
And yet deep inside I did know why. Something had changed in my life. Something had affected me so much that it clouded, if not erased my willingness to die. I had gained something when we moved to Forks. Something I thought that I would never have again after my parents died.
I had gained a friend.
Bella.
She was still looking at me now, tears flowing down her face. She was all I needed, but I didn't know if I could let go of my hurtful ways. I knew I was hurting her with my actions. I knew I was hurting my family, the ones I cared most about but I didn't know if I could do it. It was so ingrained in my head to do all those things, the cutting, the not eating, the lying, that it would be so hard to give up. If I couldn't do it, if I struggled, would she still stick around? Would she leave me just as abruptly as she had arrived? I didn't know, but I didn't want to ask. The thought of her leaving scared me. I didn't know what I'd do if she left. Wrong, I thought. I knew exactly what I'd do. I would take myself back to before we moved, and this time I'd make sure I didn't survive.
While I was lost in thought Carlisle left the room, leaving me and Bella alone. She gripped my hand harder, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked and smiled at her. She still had tears running down her cheeks, but she smiled at me.
"I'm not going anywhere Edward," she whispered, as though she was answering my unasked question. "I'm going to be here as long as you need me. And long after that as well. You know why?" I shook my head, willing her to go on. "Because I need you too."
She did need me in the way I needed her. That thought made me happy. I smiled at her again and she smiled back. She was no longer crying, but the tears she had already shed were still clinging to her cheeks. I wiped them away gently, and she leant into my hand. Her skin was so soft and revelled in the chance to touch her. She closed her eyes and sighed in a content way. I knew that she would try to help me, but I didn't know if I had it within myself to accept that help yet. Only time will tell, I guess. I thought as I looked at Bella. The only friend I had.
I was only kept in hospital for a week after that. I was expecting it to be longer, but the doctor's told me that seeing as Carlisle was a doctor himself, they thought it was safe to let me go. Somehow it felt as though I was missing out on something. The way everyone spoke to me made me think that they were keeping something from me. Maybe it was because they thought that it would be best to treat me as delicately as possible, considering the reason I was in the hospital in the first place.
I couldn't get out of eating. As much as I wanted to I couldn't.
Bella stayed with me almost all the time, and I was worried about her missing school and getting behind on her work. When I voiced this concern, she shook it off, saying that the teahers knew why she wasn't there, and that she had people taking notes for her. I made her promise me that as soon as I left the hospital she would go back to school. She reluctantly agreed. I wouldn't be going back to school for a few weeks after I got home. Carlisle wanted to make sure that I was improved enough to handle the stresses of school again before I went back. Even when he told me this there was an edge to his voice. Like there was something unspoken between him and the rest of the people around me. I brushed it off, thinking that he probably wasn't too fond of the idea of me going back to school at all.
Emmett and I had made up. All the stress and worry that he had been through when worrying about me had made him forget about everything that had happened before. I was glad of this. I'd missed having my brother around, and I quickly realised that I wasn't mad at him anymore. What people had said was starting to make sense to me. He had only been trying to help, but in his worry had gone about it in entirely the wrong way. It still made me shudder when I thought of that night, and when I saw him, sometimes I briefly saw the Emmett from that night. The wild and scary Emmett who had no control. I hated that Emmett, and I knew now why a lot of people were intimidated by him.
Seeing as Bella hardly ever left my side, the nurse who brought in the food that I had to eat, didn't stay. She knew that if she stayed to watch me eat as well there would be less chance that I would. Bella didn't let me get off, and every meal I ate a few mouthfuls. She knew not to push me. I think that she could see that it was an extreme struggle for me to even manage to have what small amount of food I did. Every time I had to eat, there was something in my head screaming at me to stop, not to have anything more. And every time it won. I would get to a point, and it became so loud that I had to stop, that I had to give in.
Each time, Bella smiled at me. I could tell that she was proud of me, even though I wasn't having much, she was proud that I had managed something. Every day she gave me that same look, and every day I knew that nothing was changing. I was eating, but it still disgusted me, and if it weren't for the fact that she was sitting there, and that I was hooked up to about a million different machines, I would have made a break for the nearest bathroom there was. It was only her that stopped me.
This next week passed in pretty much the same fashion. Everyone would come in and talk to me. Esme was making them all go back to school, so they all came and saw me after they had finished. Bella was the only one who hadn't. Esme couldn't make her go back to school, as she wasn't her child and Bella said that Charlie was alright with her not going back if she managed to get back on track and catch up with the work she'd missed. I made a mental note to thank Charlie for letting her stay with me. It was only her that made this place slightly more bearable. I hated hospitals, especially having to stay in one for so long.
Carlisle had started back up work again, seeming satisfied that someone was with me. And with him working in the hospitals he was able to come and see me when he had a break and after he finished each shift. He still slept in my room, just to make sure I was okay. It seemed that he never left the hospital anymore. Whether or not it was work, or he was with me, he never left. Esme brought him in clothes when she came in to see me everyday, and I guess that he was thankful that the hospital had showers and such for the staff. Something that Carlisle let Bella take full advantage of as well.
Charlie even came in to see that I was okay. He had been bringing some stuff in for Bella, and he stopped and talked for a while. When Bella excused herself and left the room for a minute I decided to make good on the promise I'd made to myself.
"Thank you Charlie." Thankfully my voice had returned to normal over the course of the week, although my throat still ached slightly.
"What for?" He asked me, perplexed.
"For letting Bella stay here with me. I know it must be hard to do, knowing that she's missing school and everything." I looked at him. "Thank you."
"Of course, kid." He said, he placed a hand on my shoulder in a fatherly way. "She need you, Eddie." I winced slightly at the use of my hated nickname. "What?"
"Nothing," I said looking at him. He had probably thought that I was wincing at the fact that he had said that Bella needed me. "I just hate being called Eddie." He smiled and relaxed a little.
"Sorry," He said with a chuckle in his voice. "Edward."
"Truth is," I sighed. "I need her too. She has no idea of the impact that she's had on my life. I never would've thought it possible until she appeared." He smiled even wider. Charlie was a good man, who cared deeply about his daughter and he obviously needed to know that she was missing so much school for someone who appreciated her. Hopefully, he would know that I did. More than he or she could ever imagine. "I was so low before I found her. No one had ever tried to get close to me before her. All those walls that I'd spent so many years building just seemed to crumble when she arrived in my life. She's the only person I've ever let in before."
"Yeah," He agreed. "Well, you've had a big impact on her life as well, kid." He squeezed my shoulder gently. "She changed when you came on the scene. It took me a while to figure it out but she seemed more focused on something. She never said what, but there was something new on her mind all the time. She'd zone out. More than usual. It was only when I came in for a check-up with your father that I found out that it was you that had affected her so much." He removed his hand and scratched the side of his neck, smiling at me. He wasn't the Chief of Police at the moment. He was just Charlie Swan, a father who was happy that someone cared for his daughter. I smiled back in gratitude.
At that moment Bella came back in. "So, what have you two been talking about while I was gone?" She seemed more reserved than she had been when she had left. Like something had happened in the few minutes in which she left the room. And her eyes seemed sad again. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but I knew she would't tell me, especially when her father was here.
"Oh, nothing really." Charlie shrugged. "You know, guy stuff."
Bella nodded, and resigned herself to not asking any more questions. "Carlisle spoke to the doctor who's on your case, and he told him that you can leave tomorrow. Isn't that great?" She was grinning so widely that I couldn't help but smile. It was great. I couldn't wait to get out of this place and back into my own house, my own room, surrounded by my things.
Charlie stayed for a while longer and we sat and joked for a bit. He told me some stories about Bella when she was younger, before her parents had split up, and I watched the redness in her face deepen into a colour that I didn't think was possible. She hid her face in her hands and muttered, "I hate you," several times. I couldn't help but laugh at her. SHe was so cute when she was embarrassed, and Charlie and I knew that she didn't really mean it when she said that she hated him. It was just funny to watch her laugh at herself. I would never have been able to do that.
After Charlie left, the nurse came in with another tray of food. Here we go again, I thought. I managed what I could before Bella moved the tray, and put it on the table next to me.
"Had a good day?" She asked, turning back to me. I couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah," I said, sighing. "Even though I'm stuck in here it has been a good day." I smiled even more and she blushed again. "What?"
"Nothing," She said, quietly, lifting her head up to look at me. "It's just, I've never seen you smile like that before." This time I could feel redness approaching in my cheeks.
"Well, I don't know what it is, but something about you makes me want to smile," I said, my voice completely serious. She flushed again, causing me to chuckle. "It's true. No one has ever made me want to smile the way you do. It's one of the things I love about you." Her head snapped up, still flushing. I hadn't meant for that to come out, but it just had and there was no taking it back now. Even if I could I didn't think I'd want to. She smiled at me, not saying anything.
"Close your eyes," She said, leaning in towards me.
"Why?" I asked sceptically, my eyes narrowing in suspicion.
"Just do it," She said, smiling at me. I could never refuse her when she smiled. So I closed my eyes.
Whatever it was I thought she was planning, I hadn't been preparing for this.
I felt her lips softly touching mine. I jumped slightly at the contact, the beeping sound above my head speeding up as I felt my heart rate incease, and I felt slightly self conscious at the fact that the effect she had on was evident because of that blasted machine. It had given me away every time my heart fluttered when she smiled or at something she said. She had acted like she hadn't noticed but I was sure she had. I relaxed when she didn't pull away. She was so gentle and delicate in her kiss that it made me melt. She was the first person I had ever kissed and I was glad of that fact now. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to kiss me before this. She was so tender and loving in her kiss, I mentally slapped myself for not doing it earlier.
She gently broke away and kissed my forehead. "I think I'm falling in love with you Edward Cullen." She whispered. I didn't know how to respond to this. I had never been faced with something like this before. I didn't know what I had been feeling before, but as soon as she said it, I knew that that was what I had been feeling as well. I just hadn't known how to put words to the feeling before.
"I think I am, too." I whispered back and she sat back down with a smile on her face. She picked up my hand and kissed the back of it gently, softly trailing kisses up and down my thumb. I never wanted her to stop doing that.
Before I knew it I had fallen asleep with Bella's face swimming through my mind. I dreamt of Bella for the first time that night, but I knew it wouldn't be the last time. I would dream about her every night if I could.
The next morning, I was told I was allowed to go home after the doctor came and checked on me. When he did he seemed pleased with my progress and arranged for a nurse to come and unhook me from everything. Bella left the room as I got dressed. When she came back in she helped me pack up my stuff and we walked out together. Carlisle was signing the release documents as we walked out into the corridor. He and Esme smiled as we approached, but their smiles didn't reach their eyes. I figured that it was because they thought that I should stay in a bit longer, but I couldn't wait to get out of there.
Bella held my hand as we walked down the corridor. We hadn't told anyone about the previous night, and we didn't have any plans to for now. We knew that Alice would have a field day when she found out and I would never hear the end of it from Emmett. Jasper and Rosalie would be happy and Carlisle and Esme would be over the moon, but we didn't want everyone to know just yet.
Walking out of the hospital I saw my brothers and sisters leaning against my Volvo and Carlisle's Mercedes. They all hugged me when we approached, all muttering that they were happy that I was out of hospital. I was told that I would be in Carlisle's Mercedes rather than in my Volvo, and I climbed into the back with Bella, whilst Carlisle and Esme got into the front. As we pulled out of the carpark I leant my head against the window, closing my eyes, thankful to be out of that damned place. I knew that the trip from the hospital to my house took about twenty minutes, so I knew I could rest my eyes for a few minutes at least.
When I opened my eyes a few minutes later, I saw that we weren't on the route home. I had taken the route a few times, when we'd had to go and visit Carlisle at work, so I knew we were going to wrong way. We weren't even in Forks anymore.
"Where are we going?" I asked, looking at the others. No one would meet my gaze, not even Bella.
I knew something was up as I saw that the Volvo was following us. I just didn't know what it was.
It was Carlisle who replied, with an answer that filled me with dread.
"Seattle."
So Eddie and Bella have realised that they're actually in love with each other. Isn't that cute? *round of "aaawwwww"'s ensues.
Which is good for Edward, but does anyone remember what's in Seattle that would scare Edward so much?
Please leave some reviews and I'll see what I can do about updating soon :D
Much love.
Ciao xxx