Chapter 21

Leia woke, staring up at a white ceiling that was reflecting a ghostly blue light. For a moment, she couldn't remember where she was or what was happening. She almost called out to see if Han were nearby. Then she saw the magnetic resonator encircling her abdomen, and everything came flooding back. She tried desperately to put all the anguish aside, to do what she'd been doing for years, but this time the pain simply refused to go away. It had finally taken up residence in the very core of her being and demanded to be felt and expressed. She wanted to let the long-restrained torrents of tears come, but she sensed Luke in the room and pushed them back.

She tried to move and groaned softly, waking Luke and bringing a medic to her side with a painkilling med. She accepted it appreciatively and nodded as the medic told her that the pain should dissipate enough for her to be released by tomorrow, since now that she was awake, the resonator could be incased to full power and she would soon be healed.

If she only knew…thought Leia.

Luke took her hand and smiled. His relief was palpable. So was his suppressed grief.

"I guess you're stuck with me," Leia said.

"And I'm very glad about it."

"How long has it been?"

Luke looked up at a chrono. "About thirty-siz hours."

"Essag almost had me, Luke," Leia said softly.

"But he didn't succeed. Your love for Han, and his love for you, are too strong and too honest—"

She squeezed Luke's hand. "Please, stop. I can't. Not now. I can't talk about Han. A small part of me will always regret not doing what Essag asked of me, just for the chance to hold him again."

Luke shook his head, pulled up a chair next to Leia's cot and began to explain what he'd learned. He'd spoken to Rieekan and the medic, Adria, in the hours Leia remained in induced sedation, and, with their input, Luke had become convinced that Essag did not have the power he claimed. Adria had noted that the damage done to Leia's abdomen was exactly the type of widespread damage a misplaced ventricular charge would cause. So, yes, Essag could "resurrect" the dead, if you could call it that, but that was science as much as the Force. He used his skill in the Force to overwhelm the electrical system of the heart with a severe voltaic charge, nominally killing someone, and then, if he chose to, he could use another charge to bring them back, as you would with a typical ventricular charger.

When Rieekan described the terrifying sensation of an eternal evil spirit he'd had after his "death," Luke was certain that the vision he described had been implanted in his mind as he came back to life. There was no way Rieekan was headed for a dark eternity.

"It was a Sith sabaac trick, Leia," Luke continued. "He would have turned you to the Dark Side and given you nothing in return after you'd bowed to him. He would string you along, making demands of his apprentice and forcing you to carry out unforgivable deeds in the name of the Sith, damning you further to the Dark Side. And when you were so far gone that there was no possibility of return, he'd tell you the truth."

Leia nodded and thought of Anakin, of unforgiveable deeds carried out in the name of the Sith.

"Luke, there will always be the Dark, won't there? No matter what you do, there will always be Force-sensitive people who—"

"Fall? Yes. I expect so. And I expect it's more likely the less mature you are. Which is why I don't believe the Jedi were right in training children so young. Children trained to be stronger in the Force while still immature – probably not a good combination. Especially for a Jedi whose training was as brief as mine. I'm no Master, and I'm not sure I ever will be."

"As soon as I am well enough, I want you to start training me, Luke. I can't look to you to protect me from the Dark Side, from the Sith, from Force-sensitives looking to make a big kill for the rest of my life. Train me so that I can protect myself and others, and so that people like Essag can't use my pain against me."

Luke nodded. "I will, Leia."

"And I will live by the Old Ways," she added.

Luke wanted to tell her to slow down on that promise, but he looked up to see Mon Mothma and Carlist Rieekan entering the medunit. Luke could feel Leia tense up; this was the last thing she needed. He could also sense that Mon felt awful, almost shamed. She walked to Leia's side.

"I heard you'd awakened, Leia. I wanted to come and see how you are," Mon said with her usual reserve.

"I'll physically recover," Leia answered, daring Mon to make a wrong move.

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Mon continued, ignoring Leia's jab.

"Are you?" Leia asked, the weakness of her voice belying the intensity of her feelings. "Or has some second-rate noble from a backwater planet with valuable mineral deposits already inquired about my sudden and unexpected availability and told you that he's willing to overlook certain unsavory assignations in my past?"

Luke winced. He didn't think Leia intended to be that harsh. But he didn't really know what had passed between the two women.

"Leia, please," Mon took her hand. "I'm not entirely without a heart. And I was wrong. I admit it. I was wrong about Han."

Leia relented at Mon's words. Yes, she had been wrong. But Leia knew she had played a damaging role in forming Mon's first impression of Han.

"So was I," Leia whispered. "I hurt him and demeaned him. I allowed you to think for far too long that my reports on him were true, not colored by my futile attempts to deny my own feelings. He deserved so much better from me. "

"I'm sorry, Leia. So very sorry."

"Me too." Leia went silent, willing herself not to break down in front of Mon. There were things she had to tell Mon, many things, but since she knew Rieekan would never tell her secrets, she didn't feel herself capable of sharing them with Mon right now.

"I'll let you rest," Mon said. She hesitated, unwilling to reveal too much of the pain which she had borne over the years, of the hole left in her heart by the husband and son lost to the Empire and the cold, patrician shell she sometimes felt that experience left behind. But maybe she could help Leia. "I know you don't believe it now, but you will find ways to smile again. You will smile less, and you will always feel as if a piece of your soul is out there, just beyond your reach, but you will be able to find joy in life again someday."

Leia felt her former mentor's pain. Mon never spoke of it. Her distant demeanor made it easy to overlook just how much Mon had suffered. Leia watched as Mon, looking somehow older than she had just a few moments ago, turned away.

"Mon," she called out. "Mon, I need to ask you: did my father ever speak to you about my biological parents – or my future?"

Mon paused, surprised that Leia would raise that question right now. It seemed pointless, after all that had transpired over the years. And it seemed unimaginable that Leia didn't know the answers. But there was an encrypted holodisk hidden away in a locked room in Mon's safe location. Bail Organa had given it to her, making her promise to give it to Leia should she survive the war and he, and Breha, didn't. It likely contained all the answers Leia sought, but she wouldn't give it to her when she was in such a precarious position. The last thing she needed to see were holos of her deceased parents explaining why the life she had been raised to live would never be hers.

"No, Leia. We didn't. I'm sorry. Why?"

Leia shook her head. She would tell Mon, and she would tell her soon, but she couldn't tell her today. "Mon, please. Keep the 'noble scavengers' away. I may be ruined in the eyes of many noble families, but others—" she shivered at the thought that even being Darth Vader's child wouldn't scare all of them away; some would find that to be an advantage.

"Leia…" said Mon. She understood what Leia feared so entirely. Leia had always struggled with the idea of an arranged marriage. Now, an arranged marriage would have great benefit to a nascent government. "Your parents may have had the right to arrange your future, but I do not. I am neither Alderaani nor as cold as I may seem. I fought for freedom. And that includes your right to choose the course of your future."

Mon's comlink beeped. She took Leia's hand.

"I will check on you again, Leia," she said, then she exited the medunit, Rieekan close behind her.

"Was Leia right about the noble scavengers?"

Mon grimaced, incensed. "Yes. Mostly from the disgraceful Alderaani politicos on Coruscant, who clearly spent their free time while sitting out the war engaging in fantasies of how they could sell Leia into marriage in return for getting their hooks into a new planet with the power and prestige of Alderaan. If Han Solo can hear me from eternity, I'm sure he will find this ironic and infuriating, but right now I would give anything to be able to marry him to the Princess immediately."

She stalked away down the hall. Coruscant had been free for three days. Parts of it were still a smoking ruin. And the political games had already begun.