Disclamer: I do not own Glee.

Chapter 19

Quinn backed her chair up against the wall and let her mind go blank.

"Sis, what's going on?"

"Sam, I'm fine. Go back to your practice."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because I was embarrassed," she looked at him as if it was obvious.

"What for?"

She just sighed and shook her head. "I'll be fine, just go back in okay?"

His shoulders slumped. Something was bugging her and he had a fairly good idea what, but wasn't going to bring it up. They had steadfastly avoided talking about music; some things really were just too painful to think about.

Sam walked back in with all eyes snapping to him. "She's fine, just having some time to herself."

None of them knew what had happened.

"Why'd she leave like that?" Finn asked.

The blonde boy just shrugged.

"Is she upset because we all looked over?" Tina thought it was them all staring at the same time.

"No, it's just… she probably just misses singing a lot and it got to her for a moment."

Rachel picked up on Sam's comment straight away and his stomach sank. There was no way Quinn would want them all knowing but then again maybe she needed to get a little mad.

"Singing?" Rachel was looking at him.

"Yeah, Rachel. Quinn was in the choir at our old school and she played piano pretty good, advanced intermediate grade." He looked down at his sneakers and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"She sings and plays piano?" Rachel stood up clearly mad and stormed out.

"You told me the other week that I was out of line for not telling you about the bullying, Quinn, but you're a hypocrite it seems."

Quinn looked up from her game to see Rachel pounding the hallway towards her.

"Whoa, Rach. I'm sorry I interrupted your practice but I didn't mean to honestly, I…"

"I'm not talking about that. I came to visit you all those times in hospital and I talked and talked about music and you never said a word to me. You can sing and play the piano?" Rachel was incredulous that her supposed best friend had said nothing to her about this.

"Past tense, Rach." The words were almost spat out by the blonde.

"But…."

"But what? How can I talk to you about music when it's not part of what I can do anymore? Its like chatting to Santana about cheerleading. It's just a reminder of yet another thing I can't do."

"But you've been in there with us," Rachel pointed back at the room, "and never said anything."

"I still love music, but why make everyone feel even more sorry for me than they already do?"

"But you can still sing…"

"No! I sound awful and I have no control, my cadence is," she paused to take a breath which only served to emphasise her point, "bad when I speak, never mind trying to sing." A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "I don't want to talk about this with you, Rachel. Please just go back in there."

Rachel turned and teared up immediately. She went back into the room and they instantly saw how upset she was. Finn jumped up and gave her a hug which she accepted gratefully.

"Screw this," Santana went out into the hallway.

"Don't even think about it, Santana. Why did they send you out?"

The Latina said nothing but moved along towards her, sitting back against the wall and tucking her knees up under her chin.

"I'm not going back in there," Quinn nodded. "It's bad enough I have to watch you and Brit running around in that uniform without another of my failings being on display for everyone."

Santana looked down at her Cheerios outfit.

"I'm not trying to make you do anything. Does it bug you that much?"

"It's getting easier, exposure therapy I guess. So what are you doing here?"

The brunette shrugged. "Rachel's upset and Finnocence is consoling her so I came out here."

Quinn didn't like the sound of that but didn't know why she didn't like the sound of that. She hadn't meant to upset Rachel, it was just her frustration talking.

"Since when do you care about Rach?"

"Shut up. I care, I just don't always show it. I have a rep you know, besides she really is annoying sometimes."

Quinn sighed. "I still don't know what you're doing out here."

"I wanted you to know that Rachel is upset. So's your brother. Plus I think you might have made Mr Schue cry as well."

Quinn pulled a face that said she was being ridiculous.

"We were listening to you earlier. You were singing along with your earphones in, like totally oblivious to everything. You're actually not bad."

"Please don't patronise me, Santana. I sound awful and nothing is going to persuade me to do it again okay?"

"Sure if that's what you really want, but I should tell you, that in there it doesn't really matter what you sound like most of the time because even when Rachel doesn't drown you out, Mercedes does, so between the two of them….." The cheerleader left it unfinished as she started chuckling to herself.

Quinn thought about it for a moment but then the chuckle was kind of infectious and she joined in.

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better and worse all at the same time."

"No sweat, Q. You know, everyone says it to me and I get why, so I'm going to say it to you. You don't have to be badass all the time." With that she turned towards the choir room.

"Santana?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you tell Rachel I said sorry?"

"Tell her yourself," the Latina replied.

Will gave up trying to get anything useful out of them after the minor upset. They still had two weeks to practice, so he dismissed them for the day.

—

"Hello Rachel, come on in." Dwight stepped aside and let the worried looking teenager through the door. "Everything okay?"

"Er… yes thank you, Mr Evans. I'm very well, but I was wondering if I can see Quinn."

"I think she's in her room resting after dinner. Go on ahead."

Rachel passed through the house with a little wave for Sam who was sat strumming his guitar.

"Hey Rachel," he gave her a smile. "She's okay you know."

Rachel nodded and carried on to the back of the house. She could hear voices through the door and guessed Mary was in the room with Quinn.

Tapping on the door lightly, she waited for a reply.

"It's open," Rachel heard Quinn's voice drift through.

She cracked the door and poked her head around. "I hope I'm not disturbing."

Mary looked over. She was just getting Quinn settled. "Rachel, honey. Everything alright?"

"Yes, I think so. I just wanted to come over and see Quinn if it's okay," she looked at her friend for her approval.

"Of course, we're almost done." Mary was just about to place Quinn's hands into the padded splints she was forced to wear overnight.

"It's okay, mom. Just leave it until later," she nodded at the splints. "Just switch the ECU on for me please."

Mary looked at her and then gave in, turning on the unit and moving the control in place.

Rachel hadn't seen it in use before, but was fascinated as Quinn adjusted the bed a little more upright. Mary adjusted her position one last time and then excused herself, sensing the girls needed to be alone.

"Call if you need anything, sweetheart."

Rachel waited for Mary to leave and pulled a chair over to sit beside Quinn.

"Hi," Rachel said softly.

"Hey, Rach." Quinn looked down. "I'm really sorry about what I said to you earlier. I don't have any excuses and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

Rachel nodded. "I'm sorry for the way I came at you about it. I don't know why I was so mad."

"Because I was, as you so rightly put it, hypocritical."

Rachel gave her a sad little smile. "I didn't need to be quite so ….forthright about it though. I should have been more understanding."

"Maybe, but its done with Rach. We don't have to agree with each other about everything you know."

"I just couldn't leave it until tomorrow to talk to you about it," the brunette wanted to ask Quinn something but wasn't sure if it would upset her again. "I can't imagine how hard it's been for you to cope with everything and when I found out about this it just… I just wanted you to know that some other things might not be possible for you anymore, but singing is."

Quinn started to shake her head. "I know you think that everyone can learn to sing, but I can't Rach." The frequent pauses in Quinn's words told its own tale. "My voice is hoarse from the trache and my breath control is awful." She breathed again. "I can dream but the reality is that my breathing is probably always going to be compromised. I can't belt out a note anymore."

Rachel listened to all the protests.

"I wasn't talking about glee, Quinn. I was just talking about singing. I love glee, but I would sing even if it was just in the car or the shower. I sing so much at home that the neighbours have taken out a restraining order."

Quinn just laughed at that. She could well believe it even though she suspected the other girl was just exaggerating.

"I do miss it," Quinn could admit that at least. "I just don't want to suck at things and have everyone bend over backwards to include me even though I'm terrible."

"I'm not suggesting that at all. I know your voice was affected by the tube in your throat, but I was thinking that maybe we could sing together, just here or you can come over to my place sometimes perhaps. I could help you with singing exercises to help your breathing too. I'm sure it would be fun and I'll even let you pick the songs."

Quinn raised her eyebrows at that.

"I'll think about it okay?"

Rachel nodded. "Can I help with your hands?"

Quinn looked down. "Sure. It saves mom a job."

"Is this getting you down?" Rachel took the splint and lifted Quinn's right hand which had curled into a loose fist.

"It's just frustrating," she puffed the air from her cheeks at a few loose strands of hair.

Rachel placed the hand into the brace and brushed the hair out of her eyes before returning to stretch out her fingers and thumb. She kept thinking that they used to move effortlessly over piano keys and it made the brunette want to cry.

"You know I can hear the cogs in your brain ticking right now," a wry smile crossed the blonde's lips. "I'm okay Rach, honestly. I know that you're thinking about what it's like and you can't imagine how difficult it is, but it's just how it is."

"I know and what I really don't know is how you're getting through it with a smile on your face most of the time." She paused before asking the next question. "I think you're amazing and I'm so happy to have you as a friend, but I was wondering if you feel the same way. I mean, are you happy still? You laugh at things and when you do, I think its amazing that you can when things are so difficult."

Quinn's brow wrinkled. "I guess I'm just incurably optimistic. Not about my injury so much now, but that it will get easier. I don't know how else to be Rach." The slender shoulders shrugged and the ECU sprung into life by accident.

Quinn started laughing at herself as she accidentally turned it on with the button by her shoulder. "Oops."

Rachel grinned and then took Quinn's left hand and started fastening it into the other splint. "You really are hopeless."

—

School ended a couple of weeks later and Quinn found herself with chunks of time and nothing to do; she had caught up on all the missed school work and so the prospect of hours without anything to occupy them seemed a drag. When she had the constant routine of school interrupted only by therapy three afternoons a week, she was kept busy and without too much time to think. Now she was bored and there was only so much time she could spend watching TV in bed. They didn't have to rush so much in the mornings now, thank goodness. Sometimes, especially the days when the nurse came to change her catheter, they'd rushed dressing and getting her tidy for school so much that she felt like a rag doll being pulled around. Now she was off school for the duration, they could take things at a more sedate pace; still, there were several hours each day when she wasn't occupied.

Her mom had been writing again for some time and after Quinn was finally washed, dressed, up in her chair and had eaten some breakfast, Mary went into her small study and worked for a couple of hours. Quinn tried to avoid disturbing her for any reason and found she could rely on Sam for most things and even her little brother and sister were able to do some of the tiny stuff that just needed a working hand or two.

It was little things that were constantly annoying now. Dropping her mouth stick being the most inconvenient, followed closely by an itch somewhere on her face. Not being able to walk had gone from major tragedy to the least of her concerns.

Rachel was around a lot, unless she had something on; she had volunteer work teaching singing at the community centre with kids and a community theater group who were putting on a summer production. Rachel's constant program of activities was exhausting but it also made Quinn a little jealous that her best friend had a purpose.

Some of the other glee kids came over too and when she could persuade Sam or her mom to drive them, they went out to the mall or the movies. Sometimes they would go for a walk and eventually Quinn gave in to Rachel's suggestion that they start singing together.

It started with them alternating lines so Quinn could catch her breath between, but she found that within a couple of weeks, her breathing was actually much improved. Even when she spoke it became apparent that she wasn't running out of air every few words like she had before. As the weeks went by, the slightly husky tone remained but her voice was much cleaner in sound and she was less hoarse. More importantly, she was enjoying it. She allowed herself to fall back in love with singing.

Santana was also a big help. She liked to play cards and after a few games with her dealing the cards for the both of them, she nodded at the mouthstick. "Think you can use that to deal the cards?" She tidied the deck in front of Quinn who was parked at her desk.

"What?"

"Come on Fabray-Evans. You're such a lightweight. Give it a go."

Sam wandered into the room. He had the hots for the Latina and wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to flirt with his teammate.

"What's happening?"

"I'm trying to get your sister to take her turn in dealing the cards."

Sam looked bemused. "Strip poker by any chance?"

Quinn turned her head to look at him disapprovingly.

He pulled over a chair and watched.

Quinn took her mouthstick and poked at the top of the pile, trying to slide one card over, but a few went instead.

Santana put the pile back together for her to try again.

This time, Quinn tried to move them just a fraction and succeeded in getting the top three cards to fan out a little, then she pressed the stick down gently on the top one and slid it from the deck. She nudged it further over towards her friend and then got the second one off and slid it towards herself.

"Not …t'at harg," she gave the garbled response before continuing with the same tactic until she and Santana had three cards each.

"Where are mine?" Sam asked.

Quinn pulled a face and dropped the stick into the holder.

"You're not playing because you will spend the whole game flirting with Santana."

He stood up and huffed before heading out.

The blonde and the Latina just looked at each other and burst out laughing.

—

"Okay, Quinn?"

She nodded in response. "Can I try now?"

The OT laughed at her. "What is it with you? Always in a hurry!"

"I have places to be you know," the blonde said sassily.

"Okay," Marcia gave a little further adjustment to the headrest and explained the controls. Quinn nodded and pressed her head back into the rest. The chair moved forwards a fraction and startled the blonde.

"Whoa, it's really sensitive."

"Told you," Marcia had her hands on her hips. "It's much more intuitive than the sip 'n' puff too, you don't need to think so much to drive it."

Quinn was trying out head controls instead of the straw she had used until then. The frustration of Karofsky having teased her with it had been sufficient motivation to work at her neck strength in PT. Now she was in a better place, the controls were on test to see if they were a good choice.

Quinn pressed her head back again and the chair went forwards some more, then tilting it to the side, she engaged the steering and turned right, followed by left.

"What was back again?"

Marcia explained the shoulder switch again and Quinn followed her instructions, getting the chair to go into reverse.

"It's pretty simple," Quinn mumbled as she drove it around in a slow circle.

"I'm going to leave it on this setting for now, but once you're used to it, we can make it even more sensitive." Marcia was really pleased that Quinn was able to use the head control. It made so many things easier for her. Most notably, she could carry on a conversation with someone whilst moving.

Quinn was so excited to show everyone, but didn't announce it, instead she had a little impromptu get together later that day and waited for her friends to notice.

Brittany bounced into the house ahead of Santana and gave Quinn a hug without noticing anything and Santana looked at her as though she could tell something was different but couldn't make out what.

Quinn moved the chair forwards and Rachel suddenly got it.

"How are you doing that?" The short girl noticed there was no straw.

"That's so cool, Quinn. Is it like mind control or something?" Brittany was staring at her head.

"God, you guys are insane." Quinn rolled her eyes. "The controls are in the headrest. See," she showed them how it worked and got a round of applause for her little demo.

"So no more straw," Santana mused. "I knew something was different."

"Nope. Karofsky better watch out, because he won't be able to disarm or dis-puff me or whatever, next time he messes with this robot," she said emphatically and winked at Brittany.

TBC