A/N: Oh, geez. I haven't been on here in forever…sorry about that. Life has just been…hectic lately, with my family being less than sane and trying to pass high school (I did!) and various other things, I haven't really had time for this…but hey! It's summer now! Unfortunately, I'm going to be away for a month, and won't be back till August. So here's an update for you!

My computer finally stopped being stupid and actually TURNED ON for the first time in over 6 months. I therefore did not lose a bunch of my good and also crappy stuff. This oneshot is one of them. See, back in the days when I was a newbie fanfic writer, I almost wrote and continued a story (with a Zelloyd premise, of course; this is me) in which I introduced an OC as a main character. That, and she was Lloyd's sister. I actually had some pages written that I didn't hate, and while it will never see the light of day, this part will, because it's Zelloyd and I don't have anything else I like right now. And it made me laugh while I read it. So here ya go.

I don't own any of the characters but Laure, and I am thoroughly ashamed of that. (She's Lloyd's sister. Like I said: ashamed.)

"Why do I have to be the guard?"

"Because we're going to be way too busy to even think about it," Zelos said reasonably.

Laure rolled her eyes. "Well, duh. It's just…oh, fine!"

"Make sure they don't hear anything. Got that?"

"I don't see why you guys can't just hold it off until they go off."

"Can't wait that long. Sorry."

"You guys are such horny bastards. It better not be genetic."

Zelos snorted. "Just do your job, okay?"

Laure rolled her eyes again. "All right, all right. Have fun."

"Oh we will," he assured her cheerfully before disappearing into the room.

"Lock the door!" she yelled. "It'll buy you some time if worst comes to worst."

There was a slow click. Laure sat down on the ground in front of the door, and considered how the hell she was going to deal with this responsibility.

"Hey, Laure," Genis yelled over the music, "have you seen Lloyd?"

"What?"

"HAVE YOU SEEN LLOYD?" Genis yelled over the loud (and obnoxious) music.

"Uhh…I think he's sleeping."

"He's so lazy," Sheena muttered. Laure scratched her head and didn't say anything.

"What's that banging sound?" Raine asked.

"Uh…wow! This is my favorite part of the song!" Laure started singing as loudly as she could, trying to hide the fact that she didn't know the words. The others all stared at her.

"What are you doing?" Regal finally asked.

"Singing?"

"The wrong words," Genis said.

"I think my words to the song are…better?"

Kratos studied her. "Hmm."

"What is that banging?" Genis muttered. "It's giving me a headache."

"Erm…the percussion section," Laure said, thinking quickly. "Yeah. That's it."

Kratos gave her an amused look. "Percussion section."

"Entirely. LALALALA!"

"I'm certain those are not the words to the song," Presea said.

"O…oh, really?"

She nodded.

"Well, um…I'm trying to…wake Lloyd up?"

"By singing?" Colette asked, giving Laure a quizzical look.

"Uh, yeah. He always complains that people singing in the shower wakes him up."

"People singing in the shower?" Raine said blankly.

"Oh, yeah. Just, you know, random people. No one you'd know."

Kratos turned his face away and rubbed his jaw, looking somehow both amused and weary at the same time.

Damn. I'm not as good at this as I thought, Laure thought.

"If you're going to wake him up, then why don't you just shake him?" Genis suggested.

"Welllllll…I would. Really. But, um, he locked his door."

"That's no problem," Sheena said. "I can pick locks."

Dammit, dammit, dammit. What to do now? "CODE RED!" Laure screamed at the top of her lungs, hoping Zelos and Lloyd got the right idea. Otherwise, things would be very awkward.

"By the way," Colette said suddenly, "have you seen Zelos recently?"

"No!"

"Okay. Thanks."

"I haven't seen him!"

"I said okay…"

"I haven't! You've got to believe me!"

"Um…"

"Right, anyhoo…CODE RED! CODE RED! CO—"

"What are you doing?" Regal asked.

"Singing?"

"Yelling Code Red does not qualify as singing."

"Oh…r…really? Gosh. Didn't know that."

Sheena went to work on the lock. Kratos pulled Laure aside and muttered, "You really do have to learn how to be a better decoy."

"I was improvising, okay? I didn't expect everyone to be so insistent. Besides, you could have helped."

"Hmph. Be more careful next time."

"Next time? What do you mean next time?"

"Well, I hardly think they'll stop after one close call."

"Being a horny bastard had better not be genetic."

"I'm not answering that."

"Hah! Got it open!" Sheena flung the door open.

Kratos closed his eyes. "I don't want to see this."

"H…hi, guys," Lloyd squeaked.

Everyone came in the doom. The covers were pulled up to Lloyd's chin and he smiled at them innocently. "Yes?"

At least the swordsman had managed to hide Zelos.

"Have you seen that idiot Chosen?" Sheena asked.

"No! I haven't!"

Kratos pressed his fingers to his forehead.

"Your bed looks lumpy," Raine commented. "Is it all right?"

"Oh…yeah. That's just my…my clothes."

"They moved."

Lloyd suddenly leapt up in the air and squawked. He cast a glare down towards the covers and smacked the lumps…hard.

"Ow!" came a whine.

"Shhhhh!" Lloyd hissed. "Don't do that!" He looked back up at the others. "I was…talking to my leg."

"Your leg talks?" Genis asked, obviously skeptical.

"Wow, Lloyd!" Colette said. "That's amazing! And it sounded just like Zelos, too. That's really funny!"

"Ahahah…hah. Yeah, amazing, isn't it?"

Genis stared at his friend with narrowed eyes. "Lloyd," he began.

"OH NO!" Laure shouted. "A monster! Outside! Everyone, quick, let's go!"

The covers started shaking as Zelos laughed. Lloyd smacked the man again and smiled nervously. "My knee's…really acting up today."

"Uh huh," Genis said.

"GUYS! THE TOWN WILL BE DESTROYED IF WE DON'T GO OUTSIDE LIKE RIGHT NOW!" Laure wailed.

"Well, then, we must go," Presea said, and they ran out.

Kratos glanced at his son and said, "Lloyd, Zelos, tell Laure that I want to see her—and the two of you—outside later."

"Zelos? Where do you see Zelos?" Lloyd asked innocently.

"Bud," Zelos said, head popping out beside Lloyd's, "I think he's on to us."

"Zelos! I was holding my own just fine!"

"No you weren't," Kratos said, amused. "You're lucky they were so easily sidetracked."

With that, he left the room.

"Weird," Laure said, outside. "I could have sworn I saw a monster."

"Really," Raine said suspiciously.

"Yeah, really! Anyhow…uh…yeah. Why don't we all go eat some cake?"

"Laure, you're acting strangely," Presea said.

"Am I? Oh well, nothing cake can't fix! …Right?"

And so Zelos and Lloyd decided to be a little less conspicuous next time. Maybe. It all depended on their hormones.

Reviews would be lovely. Even though I should be so ashamed, I should bury my head in the sand like an ostrich.