jesus showed me 2 da lab.
"here youll have everyting you need to make dis "fried chikin"" he sed
"fried chikin?" sed judas "wuts dat?"
"its like chikin" i sed "but fried"
"dats crazy" sed mary margerine "you cant do that"
"but like hell im gonna try" i sed.
i mixed da chemicels. dey went through da glass pipes an da test tubes. i boiled dem on da fire.
jesus judas an mary margerine were watchin me all curious like.
den... DA WALL ESPLODED AN VADERMORT AN HIS DETHEATERS BURST IN!11111111
vadermort opened his cape. missles flew out an esploded everywere. glass startinb flyin every were.
"NOW YOULL NEVER INVENT FRIED CHIKIN!111" sed vadermort.
da detheaters took out dere wands an dere guns an started shootin magik an bullets at us.
jesus stepped in front of me.
"JESUS NO" i sed.
den his hands went all blury an he caut all da bullets betwen his fingers. den he through dem back at da detheaters. the bullets went thru vadermort an hit da detheaters. 15 detheaters died an vadermort fell down on his need tghrouwin up blood.
judas an mary margerine were shootin magik beems out of dere wands.
"how do u do dat?" i sed
"didnt dey teech you at school?" sed judas. an he showed me.
"u might need dis!" sed jesus an my gun appeared in my hand.
"but how will you fight jesus" i sed
"dont worry about me" sed jesus. den 2 big red balls appered in jesuss hands. he threw dem at da detheaters. da romm esploded. everyone wuz flyin in da air.
i landed on da grass outside.
mary mergerine had a magik sheeld in front of her.
"how do you do dat" i sed. an she showed me.
jesus floated out of da air an landed on his feet in front of us. but were wuz judas?
judas fell from da sky into da middle of da detheaters. his wand had a lazer sword commin out of it. he spun cut through 10 of da detheaters.
"wuts dat" i sed.
"dis is a wand blade" sed judas. an he showed me how to do it.
with my wand an my gun i shot bullets an magik at vadermort. he put up his hands an made a magik sheild to blok dem. jesus had another one of his big red balls an through it at vadermort. vadermort bloked it wit his magik wall but he wuz strainin.
"i underestimated da power of your magik lazer balls!" he sed.
den da ball broke through his magik sheild an slammed into his chest. his coat caught on fire. he wuz thrown back an burst through da brick wall behind him into da lab. he skitted across da glass covered floor.
we all looked at da dusty hole in da wall. den... missles flew out. dey were all aimed at... JESUS!
"NO" i sed. but detheaters were tryin to attack me from behind. i spun around an cut three of dem in haff wit my wand blade an den shot da others wit my gun an my wand. den i realised... i was surrounded! there wuz no way to shoot dem all! den i remembered... i still had sheiquazs gernades!
one ran at me wit a wand blade but i doged an kicked him into da other ones. den i through a grenade at dem all. dey were about to doge, but i wuz quick an took out my gun an shot da grenade in midair. it esploded. wit my wand an my gun i shot a guy who wuz commin at me from behind. i rolled on da ground past some other detheaters who i shot. den i took out 2 more gernades an shot dem into da detheaters. dere were 2 more esplosions.
missles were still flyin at jesus. but he wasnt afraid. he smiled. da missles flew around him and flew back at vadermort. dey went throug hda dusty hole in da wall an esploded. the lab colapsed a little.
50 guys were commin up from behind jesus. jesus clapped his hands together an dey all squished together in midair into a big bloddy pancake. den dey all shlooped to da ground like soup.
"OH LORD" sed one of da detheaters "SPARE ME!" an he got on da ground kneelin.
"ok. i wont kill u" sed jesus. an winked at da detheater an his hed esploded.
"WHATS GOIN ON HERE" sed pumpass piolet. he looked really mad. "LOO KAT THIS MESS"
vadermort had changed bak to snape. "dey shot me!" he sed.
"WUT" sed pumpass piolet "mr. christ im very disappointed in you! all of you come to my office!"
we were walkin 2 pumpass pilots office. snape wuz limpin tryin 2 look like he wuz all hurt. he wuz lookin at me all meen like.
"ur gonna get crucifyed for dis!" sed snape
"wut wuz dat" sed pumpass pilot
"nuttin" sed snape "i wuz just tellin these kids wut naughty little assholes they are"
"yes. u r quite naughty. lucky 4 u we changed da rules 100 years ago. bak den we wud shove a pole up ur ass 2 kill u."
an speekin of shovin poles up ppls assholes i saw dis gay kid. he had a coat of lots o colors.
jesus waved at him. "hello josef" he sed
"hello jesus" he sed
"whos dat" i sed
"hes josef" sed mary margerine "hes frum hufflypuff. hes head of da gay pride parade"
den i got scared. i wuz afrayed hed try an stik his cock in my asshole.
den he lookd at me. "whos ur frend" he sed.
"oh daz turtle" sed jesus "hes new here"
den josef winked at me.
"so where r u guys goin" he sed.
"we r goin to professer pilots office" sed judas.
he put his hands on his hips and an shook his hed. "dont b sad" he sed. den he clicked his fingers an did a little turn. "rainbow!" he sed an a rainbow shot out of his fingers an it went over us. lil sparky things fell on us. we felt so happy.
we wuz in pumpass pilots office an he had da telephone out. "now b4 i call ur parants i want 2 know da situashun"
"those chillin an dat nigger shot me an it wuz not ingoyable at all!" sed snape
pumpass pilot jumped out of his seat "IS DIS TRUE MR. CHRIST! I AM SHOCKED!"
"its bcuz he attaked us" sed mary margerine
"no i didnt" sed snape
"well ur a teecher so you must b right" sed pumpass pilot.
"we were in da lab" sed judas
"what were u doin in da lab" sed piolet
"we were makin fried chikin" i sed
"fried chikin?" sed pumpass pilot "wuts dat? is it a type of drug"
"yes" sed snape evillhy
"well ive herd enuff" sed pilot "im tired of u kids walkin around smokin ur fried chikin an blarin ur "clasikel" music (AN: see bcuz soulja boi hadnt ben inveted yet)"
den he dialed da phone. it rang. den god piked it up.
"mr christ" sed pilor "im here 2 inform u dat ur son has been causin truble"
"wut" sed god
"have u herd of dis new drug called "fried chikin"?" sed pilot
"fried chikin? wuts dat?" sed god
"aparantyly des kids were makin it in da lab. den profesor snape like da good teecher he is came to stop dem. an dey shot him. im now afrayed 2 inform u dat ur son has been suspended for a cuple of days"
"i am suprised" sed god "im sorry dat my son is so emoture"
den pilot hung up.
"now mr christ. go out an wait for your father 2 pick u up" he sed
jesus went out lookin all sad. den a beem of light came down. an dere wuz god lookin like an angry 50 cent about to pop a cap in someones ass. he grabed jesus an dey went 2 heven.
den pilot picked up da phone again an called... MY MAMA
"hello? miss buu jackson?"
"who is dis?" she sed
"dis is pumpass pilot." sed pumpass pilot. "i am da dumbledoor of da hogwats skool"
"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD" she yelled.
"my bois in skool?" sed my mama
"yes. an now hes suspended. i need u 2 pik him up"
den judas wispahed in pumpass pilots ear.
"WUT" he sed "hes frum da future! den dis cant be happening!" an da phone disapeared.
"well obviosuly he cant b picked up" sed snape "den he shud go in da loins den... for 24 HOURS"
"dat sounds sounds like a great idea!" sed pumpass pilot an 2 gaurds grabed me an put me in da loins den. da loins were cummin towards me. dey were big an yellow an dey wanted 2 eat me.
den i realised... dey didnt take my gun away! so i took out my gun an my wand an started firen. but da bullets an magik ust bounced off! dey werent loins at all! dey wuz... DETHEATERS!
"OH NO DEY GOT ME" i sed. den i herd somedn from above.
"wutchu goin down dere turtle" somone sed. it wuz... JOSEF!1
"HELP DERE GONNA KILL ME" i sed
"no dey wont!" den he clicked his heels an did a lil turn "rainbow!" an a rainbow came out of his hands. den all da detheaters stopped an started havin gay sex with eachodder.
"CLIMB UP" sed josef. an i did.
"tank u" i sed
"ur welcom" he sed an jumped down in da pit.
"have a nice time!" i sed 2 josef wavin. den i took out my wand an my gun. i had unfinished bussiness with snape.