Disclaimer I do not own Spooks. Slightly adult content. Not for kiddies.

A Time to Heal?

Dimitri knew he was in trouble. He had been since he and Beth had got home, for a moment he wished he had gone to the pub with Tariq and Callum. Silently he watched as she walked into the living room and curled her feet up beneath her on the sofa.

"Beth."

"What?"

"What have I done?" He stared at her as he waited for either the sulk or the explosion. He knew she was calmer since the attack on her by Andrew Lawrence and the subsequent brain surgery but he knew she still had a temper, one which he was learning to slowly predict.

"You haven't done anything." She smiled slightly as he raised an eyebrow.

"Then, what?"

"I've met him before. Boscard, I mean. Before I worked with you. Before I met you and Lucas on that damned boat."

"You should have told Harry."

"I did." Beth sighed, "You know that scar? Here." She pointed to her ribs as Dimitri nodded. "From a job that went wrong. It was about three weeks before I met you."

"He did that." Dimitri stared at this girlfriend. He was glad that the man had already been killed, convinced that he would have killed him with his bare hands as Beth nodded slowly. "Yeah, but I can't help but think that if Andre Boscard did that to me, what the Hell happened to Ruth and Zaf?

###########

Ruth pulled back from Harry slightly as he sighed heavily.

"Ruth."

"Hi."

"Hello." She smiled slightly, aware that Catherine had slipped away to her old room.

"Where's Graham and Terri?"

"Asleep. We haven't been back for very long. I don't think I have ever seen that boy so happy to be home. Or so exhausted." He held her gaze as he realised what Catherine and Ruth had been talking about when he had appeared in the doorway.

"He's ok? Thank God. I was so worried."

"I know."

"Catherine told me. That Jane. That she." He closed his eyes as Ruth ran a finger over his shirt covered shoulder.

"That we had blazing arguments. We did. Often. Not something I'm proud of." He tried not to let the memories of Jane screaming at him flood his mind. It had been so long ago that he had almost forgotten the look of horror on his nine tear old daughter's face as he had yelled at her to go upstairs. To get away from the mother holding the knife.

"That scar?"

"I had found out about one of Jane's affairs. Jim Covier, a so called friend had been sleeping with my wife. Jane went crazy when I confronted her. In fairness confronting her when she was cooking was probably not the best plan." He shrugged as Ruth held his gaze. "Catherine was nine at the time. Graham was 6. He wasn't there but Catherine was. I yelled at her to go upstairs and stay there but she was convinced Jane was going to kill me if she left. She grabbed the knife as the blade caught my shoulder. Just a flesh wound really, nothing serious but Catherine was hurt. That's what the scar on her left hand is from."

"Would you ever have told me this?" Ruth's eyes filled with tears.

"No. Probably not. Not exactly my finest hour. A father should protect his kids. I shouldhave left Jane years before we finally divorced. Taken the kids with me. So no, I don't think I would have told you. To my eternal shame. Guilt is a funny thing." He closed his eyes as Ruth nodded slightly.

"Harry." Her voice brought him back to the present day.

"There is something you need to tell me."

"Towers and Covier met Elena and Boscard before the Ball."

"I know. I called Ros when I couldn't get an answer on your mobile." He sighed. "Alec will rejoin us in the morning. We'll find a way, Ruth." He gently pulled back the collar on her blouse to show the yellowing bruises around her neck. "What did he do? What can't you tell me?"

"I'm fine."

"Please Ruth, just trust me. That's all I've ever really asked of you."

"He's dead. Henno killed him. Zaf and I are alive."

"Thank God."

Ruth stared at some indiscriminate point on his shirt as she Harry dropped his hands to his sides. He had never seen her looking so fragile.

"I thought he was going to kill me. Zaf was dead. He dragged me into that beautiful ornate room and Zaf was aleady there. Dead. He looked dead." Ruth closed her eyes as she tried to block out the horror of the memory. "He was so still. I couldn't see if he was breathing."

"Ruth." Harry was exhausted but hoped he had managed to keep the emotion out of his voice. He sighed as he realised he hadn't.

"I'm tired, Harry. I'm so tired."

"Ruth." He whispered as he took her hand and gently lead her up the stairs towards their bedroom. He kissed her briefly on the lips as she sighed. "Let's just get some rest. You need to sleep."

"No." She looked horrified at the suggestion. "I can't."

"It's ok." He waited as she shook her head.

"No. No it isn't all right. It's far from it. I'm tired of being scared. I was dead. I knew that I was as good as dead. He was going to kill us. I knew that."

Harry stared at her, he knew he had to let her have her say. Now the floodgates were open he knew there was no way he could let her close them again. It had been eating away at her for days. His calm, gentle Ruth, with the heart of a lion was being eatenaway by a monster he couldn't fight.

"I close my eyes and I see him. He's there and I can't breathe. I can smell him, feel his hands tugging at my dress. It makes me feel sick. It's like Robert is there again and I'm 15." She sighed s her eyes brimmed with tears. "I can't breathe because he's there. I can't eve bare to look at myself. All I can see is what he has done."

"Ruth." Harry repeated her name as she wiped a tear away.

"You've just got home. It isn't the time."

"Catherine and the boys are asleep. It's the time Ruth. It's the time." He brushed a strand of hair away from her face as she closed her eyes.

"It's just too much."

"I know."

"No Harry. You don't, believe me. You don't." He tilted her chin so she had to face him.

"I'm 41 years old. I've been terrified for 30 years. Since my Dad died."

"I can empathise with that."

"No you can't. Harry, how many other kids are scared of school holidays? Of going home? I escaped thanks to Jessica but it's still in here." She tapped the side of her head. "Then I met you. And believe it or not fell hook, line and sinker almost straight away." He smiled slightly at her admission.

"You did?"

"Yes. But then Tom shot you and I was so scared. And everyone thought I was some naieve little bookworm. Then I'm held hostage for the first time. Then bloody Cotterdam and Maudsley, George and Mani. Yu know he said he'd kill you? Before I was brought into that room he told me you were there. I didn't believe him but he told me how he would kill you. First George then Nick. The you. He was going to make me watch."

"Thank God Lucas arrived when he did."

"I can't take it anymore. I was almost ready to die in that bedroom alongside Zaf. If I hadn't had you and the kids" She closed her eyes as a tear escaped. Harry wiped at his own face, unaware that he had been crying too.

"Ruth."

"Then there is everything that has happened. We were almost killed the day we got married. I lost our baby. Our baby." Ruth shook her head. "I was shot, you nearly died. I'm loosing count of all the people that have tried to kill me. Death would be welcome. At least I'd sleep." The words all came out in a jumble as Harry wondered for a moment if she had even drawn breath. He grabbed her shoulders harder than he intended.

"Don't say that. Don't ever say that."

"Harry." She met his gaze and he was lost. "Boscard told Zaf his brother had raped Jo to get information from Adam. To teach him a lesson. He said he would do that to me to teach Zaf a lesson. I froze. For a second I was 15 again and terrified."

"Anyone would be."

"He kissed my cheek." She almost wretched at the memory. Harry remained silent. "I couldn't move. He whispered in my ear that it would teach you a lesson too. That maybe I'd get pregnant like I did with Robert."

"Bastard." Harry narrowed his eyes. "He couldn't have known. Only the DG, myself and the Home Secretary have access to the file."

"Yeah. And Towers was seen with him minutes before. Ros told me. I fought back. I've never really done that. Only once and that was only because a civillian was there." She looked away as Harry rested his hand against her cheek. She sighed as she rested her cheek against his palm.

"Zaf is stronger than any of us gave him credit for. Ruth, you won. You fought him."

"Yes." She smiled. "This time."

"There wont be another time." Harry almost growled the words. She kissed him gently on the lips as he tightened his hold on her. He jumped back as she flinched.

"God, I'm sorry."

"Just a bruise." She smiled slightly as he carefully unbuttoned her blouse to show the yellow and purple bruises across her pale skin. Harry gently pushed her blouse off her shoulders as she stared at him. Harry's eyes filled up with tears.

"He did this." Harry stated as Ruth nodded.

"It's getting better."

"You should have told me."

"Graham needed you. I'm ok. Now you're home." He kissed her gently as Ruth wrapped her arms around him as firmly as her broken ribs would allow.

###############

Zoe stared at the ceiling as Zaf lay sleeping next to her. She hadn't realised how scared she had been until he had finally come home from the hospital. She couldn't help but wonder what happened to him and Ruth in the quarter hour she had been panickingly going through the CCTV. She knew he had survived by trying to look after others. She knew that was how he coped following his escape from the Redbacks. It was only now as he cried in his sleep that she realised how much he had brushed under the carpet. Gingerly she rolled onto her side as his eyes fluttered open.

"It's ok." She kissed his forehead as he blinked back sleep. "It's ok."

"Zo."

"It's over."

#########

Harry left Ruth sleeping soundly in bed as he pulled his mobile out of his pocket. The call was answered on the third ring.

"Harry?"

"Ros, sorry to wake you at this ungodly hour."

"What is it?" Ros wandered along the landing, grateful that the children hadn't been woken.

"Jim Covier and William Towers. I'm going after them. I understand if you and the others feel you can't. But if the Home Secretary is corrupt."

"I'm in. Harry. I say we take this to them. They are as guilty as sin and we know it."

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A/N more soon.