[AN] I know it took me forever to update this chapter and I apologise. Sometimes crap gets in the way but thank you so much for being patient and for your wonderful comments. It really makes my day, so thank you. :) Also my beta is just great to work with, she's a great teacher. :) Thank you!
CHAPTER XXI
The cold tap drips in a slow rhythm where Brittany stands with her palm on the handle. Gloop, gloop, gloop. She isn't concentrating on anything in particular, her glassy blue eyes are unfocused as she stands statue-like at the kitchen sink. The morning sun finally manages to break from the clouds and greets Brittany through the small, semi-circled window as the heat warms her emotionless face. Yet, her expression doesn't change and so the sun falls back behind the clouds again shortly after, as if it were hiding from disappointment.
"There you are!" Santana sighs flailing her arms in the air in a fuss as she enters the kitchen. "Where have you been for the last thirty minutes?" she asks, walking up to Brittany with a relieved grin before holding her waist from behind, propping her chin on Brittany's shoulder. "I thought you had left for school without me!" She says, squeezing her girlfriend a little.
Brittany blinks a couple of times, trying to remember where she actually is as she casts her eyes down at Santana's hands on her stomach and then at the two pills resting in her own hand.
"Oh..." Brittany breathes out. "I forgot... I forgot to take my pills," she replies, quickly bringing the capsules to her mouth as she begins turning the tap handle before bending down to drink directly from the faucet.
Santana walks around her until she's facing Brittany directly at her side and looks at her with a hint of concern. Brittany haf been like this for a couple of days now. Distracted and not one hundred percent present.
"Babe..."Santana whispers, noticing the hard line between Brittany's brows as she rises back up from the sink, wiping her mouth. "You worried about something?" Santana asks, taking her hand as she gently traces her thumb across Brittany's forehead, smoothing out her frown. "You worried about school today?
Brittany bites her bottom lips as she glares down at the ground but is grateful for Santana's gentle caress as it takes the strain away from her head a little.
"No," Brittany replies softly, lifting her gaze to watch Santana. The confusion in her girlfriend's endless black eyes is evident as Santana tries to search for hidden clues in Brittany's face. It's the last thing that Brittany wants so she takes Santana's hand from her face and into her own before squeezing it reassuringly. She likes the way Santana looks today, she always likes the way Santana looks but today she is wearing one side of her bangs pinned back and in curls. She thinks how far Santana has come. When they first met she had been a hard-faced, hard to please teenaged brat with an attitude. But since moving in with Brittany, she had begun to flourish, until now, she is becoming a young, mature, beautiful woman, more so every day.
"What?" Santana asks, grinning bashfully at the way Brittany tilts her head with a little smile.
"You look lovely," Brittany softly beams as her face eventually lightens up again before she leans down for a tender, lingering kiss. When she pulls back, Santana slowly licks her lips and opens her eyes heavily, cocking her eyebrow.
"Mmm" Santana hums, nibbling on the bottom of her own lip as she plays with a strand of Brittany's hair. Santana wishes she wasn't in such bad shape so she could just take Brittany there and then. And with Brittany's parents gone for some early morning grocery shopping, the kitchen seems a daring yet thrilling place. But since she has fractured ribs to look after and the fact that the two of them have to be in class in half an hour makes it quite impossible. "Let's just pray your folks don't move me to the spare bedroom when they find out about us, Santana smirks before spinning around. "Let's go!" She clicks her fingers, skipping away to the porch.
"Santana!" Brittany calls out, her heart begins to race but she can't understand why. Santana turns around again, struggling to wiggle her feet in to her faux-leather boots.
"Yeah?" Santana asks, frowning at Brittany's panicked expression. "What's up?"
Brittany rubs her eyes and shakes her head in an attempt to shoo away the fogginess that has gradually built up in her mind over the last few days.
"Uhh... nothing," Brittany replies, lifting her school bag from the back of the dining chair. "Just making sure you're still here, that's all," she clicks her own fingers nervously as she walks up to Santana's side. "Just making sure you're still here." She repeats.
"Of course I am, silly!" Santana giggles. "I'm not going anywhere!"
"Oh yeah," Brittany nods, staring down at her hands which are covered with the usual green fabric from her mittens."I don't want to wear these today," she states with a frown as she eagerly pulls them back off again.
"Britt, it's really cold out," Santana sighs picking up the gloves that Brittany has just dropped on the floor.
"Can we just hold hands? I really want to hold hands with you. I-I'd really like that," Brittany asks and as Santana rises from the ground again, she finds Brittany casting a worrisome look.
"What's happened, Brittany?" Santana whispers, noticing the hard line as it returns to Brittany's forehead.
Brittany looks at her and swallows with difficulty. The truth is that she has an irrational fear that she's going to lose Santana and doesn't want to let go of her. Why? She could blame the it on the events of last week, when Brittany found Santana passed out in her bathroom after their argument. It had scared her greatly but somehow not to the point where she was still affected by it a week later. She wants to believe it is that, although something else haunts the back of her mind... Something she came to realise just a few days ago.
"I can see that you're smiling, Brittany. Did you enjoy the holidays?" The doctor ruffles his hand through his thick white beard just as the session begins. That's all Brittany can do, smile as she bounces excitedly on the leather sofa, fidgeting with the zipper to her jacket pocket.
"I loved the holidays!" he beams, her eyes following the specks of dust as they dance around freely under the sun that casts its magnificent rays past the window.
"I can tell!" The doctor laughs out heartily as Brittany tries to catch the dust in her bare hands. "And I see you're not wearing your usual attire," he notices – no thick scarf or long jackets. No mittens or woolly hats. Just Brittany in a fleece jacket with a frilly hood and sweat pants.
"It gets stuffy a lot of the time," Brittany replies, wiping her red nose that has been bitten by the cold.
"I see," the doctor nods. "So, tell me what happened during your winter break?"
Brittany can't contain her excitement any longer as she looks at the doctor mischievously before breaking out into a fit of giggles. She vibrates uncontrollably as she cries out, covering her mouth and scrunches up her face in the best possible way. It takes everything for the doctor not to laugh out as well. Her laugh is contagious.
"It was magical..." She chokes out, trying to catch her breath as her face turns vibrantly red. "Sometimes when I think about it," she begins, taking another breath. "I can't... I'm just so happy right now."
The doctor smiles genuinely, glad to see Brittany finally looking confident in her own skin.
"Well you certainly do look a lot happier, may I ask why?"
"Well..." Brittany begins with a grin, she takes another quick glance over at the window where she finds another pigeon sitting on the ledge. She wonders if it's the same one she had seen all those weeks ago, the weak, scraggly one that couldn't fly. Yet eventually, this one stretches its wings and launches itself off the ledge and watches as the bird flies higher and higher, off into the distance until it's only a dot.
"Well, it started with New Years Eve," Brittany continues, turning back to the doctor. "I think there was something special in the air... I could feel it, y'know? Even though it was cold, I was also warm because I was excited so I decided to go out for a run..." Brittany trails off into an in depth description of that specific day as the doctor listens to every single detail. From remembering the exact amount of change she had brought to the candy store, to the song the drunk men had been singing as she had run past the old bar next to the market place. As he listens, he watches the way Brittany's eyes light up with each mention of Santana's name. She's more energetic than ever, using her hands to gesture, to help get her point across when she struggles with some words, yet she barely even stutters.
"And then..." Brittany pants out breathlessly. "It happened!" She beams, rubbing her palms on her thighs. "I could touch Santana!" she squeals elatedly. "I can touch her, I can actually touch her!" She clenches her jaw, trying to contain the exhilaration building up inside of her as if she were only just realising it again.
The doctor straightens up in his chair when he rehears Brittany's statement for the second time.
"Already?" He asks her, just to make sure.
"Yes!" Brittany nods eagerly. "And-and I'm happier, a lot happier now because of it..." She smiles. "B-because that means I'm getting better, doesn't it?" She asks, her eyes still glossed over from the ecstasy she can feel in that moment, the adrenaline from the memories still coursing through her body.
"Well, let's have a look into this," the doctor evaluates as he opens his previous notes from the last session. "You say you're able to touch Santana? How close can you get before you start panicking again?" He asks, straightening his glasses. "Can you hold her hand for only a certain amount of time? Are you able to hug her without fabric over your skin? Can you even kiss her?"
"Oh!" Brittany shakes her head. "Th-that's all fine..." She nods again. "I can do all that, I can be physical with her in every way."
The doctor stops writing to glance up at Brittany in confusion.
"Are you able to have sexual relations with your girlfriend?" He asks, rubbing his chin in thought.
"Yep..." Brittany admits, blushing a little. "I can be with her a hundred and ten percent without any panics or anything," she smiles proudly.
"Hmm..." He sighs, before reading over his notes again, flipping through random pages back and forth. "And who else are you able to touch physically, apart from Santana?"
"Uh.. actually no one else," Brittany sighs a little less enthusiastically this time. "Actually, I tried to with my mom but it didn't work." She purses her lips and stuffs her hands into her jacket pocket. "B-but it's okay," she quickly smiles. "Because I'm getting better and hopefully soon I'll be able to."
The doctor forms a tight line with his lips and peers over at Brittany through his glasses before shaking his head in doubt.
"I think we will have to revise a few things," he states with a deep frown. "I've never heard of a patient with such a severe case of aphephobia, being able to overcome the fear for an individual so quickly in one night," he continues. "And especially being someone such as yourself who also has to deal with having Asperger's." he concludes as Brittany's smile gradually falters. "I don't want you to get your hopes up too soon now."
Brittany listens as thick clouds slowly sail in the way of the sun, blocking out the light as the room slowly dulls. She turns to face back towards the doctor who has two fingers resting against his temple as again he carefully, looks over his notes.
"I don't understand?" She says with a frown. "Why shouldn't I get my hopes up?"
The doctor begins to rub his forehead and takes a deep breath.
"I really hope I'm wrong about this, Brittany..."
"I can't believe it's the first day of school and I already want to gouge my eyes out," Santana grimaces as she glares at the 'Quinn 4 Prom Kween' poster, glued with gum on her locker.
"I think she looks kinda pretty," Brittany shrugs, shoving her winter jacket, scarf and gloves deep into her own locker.
"Yeah, only because her dad is like, super rich and allowed her to get plastic surgery when she was sixteen," Santana rolls her eyes, ripping the poster away as she slams the locker door shut. "She used to weigh two Santa's and an extra large Big Mac meal five years ago, y'know?" Santana shivers in disgust, causing Brittany to chirp out a small giggle.
"See, there you go!" Santana grins victoriously. "A laugh..." she smirks as she turns to face Brittany and has to do a double take when she catches sight of her.
"Damn, Santana whispers, taking a generous eyeful of her girlfriend. It is the first time she has seen Brittany wearing so little outside of the house and it feels like a new experience all together. Brittany wears only a white skin-tight polo t-shirt with black stripes and black waist high denim shorts. Her thighs are bare and the rest of her legs are covered by white knee high socks yet it's as if the length of her legs go on forever. Brittany stuffs her hands into her pockets awkwardly and tilts her head in confusion, watching as Santana watches her.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" Brittany leans in and asks quietly before Santana shakes her head.
"Oh, no!" Santana laughs out, taking in one final glance of Brittany from head to toe. "No, but I just realised that I have the hottest girlfriend on the planet," she replies with a crooked grin before licking her lips. "Now give me another smile before I start getting sad," Santana pouts playfully. Just then, an audible wolf-whistle sounds in the girls' direction as they turn to find a bunch of soggy football players passing their way.
"Hey hey, blondie! Damn you is fine! Oooow!" A dark, huge player calls out, staring at Brittany as if she were a meal. "I think I found my prom date!" he jokes, giving the other players hi-fives. Brittany turns back to Santana and bright red with embarrassment.
"Uh, hell no!" Santana calls out disapprovingly. "I think Britts would rather tongue kiss coach Beiste's armpit than dance with you at prom, Shane." She folds her arms and watches as the boys begin to roar out with laughter.
"I could change that," Shane bites his lips. "Isn't that right, white chocolate?" He asks before slapping Brittany's ass. Brittany jolts forward and doesn't even have time to turn around when Santana is already in between them pushing Shane back.
"Touch her again and I'll kick your sorry ass all the way from here to the African plains where you belong with your herd of rhinos, you understand?" Santana threatens with a sharp tongue, meaning every single last word. Shane stares her down, looking at her as if she's a piece of garbage at the bottom of the trash can, yet it wasn't so long ago that he was all over her ass.
"Boys, let's go," he calls out. "Chicks 'round here are too frigid fo' playas'," he says, stepping away from Santana who still holds her ground with a glare. The group of them eventually pass on by and Santana makes sure they're out of sight before turning back around to Brittany at the lockers.
"What a piece of shi-"
Before Santana can even finish her sentence, she's met with Brittany's lips crashing against hers once again. And when Brittany trails her hand up the back of Santana's neck and though her hair, Santana forgets where she is completely and drops her bag from her arm onto the floor. Santana curls her arms around Brittany's neck before gently sliding her hands down each side of her face as they exchange short and long kisses, each one as irresistible as the last and soon Brittany's back hits the lockers when they finish with a firm and hot open mouthed kiss as their breathing teases the other's skin. When Santana pulls away it takes her a moment to focus as she is left feeling giddy. If Brittany's new way of saying thank you is a surprise kiss then she definitely won't argue against that.
"Wow," Santana sighs breathlessly, trying to regain complete sobriety but finding it little hard as she sways from side to side. "You're just going all out today, aren't you?" Santana grins.
"I just don't want any moment to go to waste," Brittany replies, taking Santana's hand in hers, entwining their fingers without any fabric getting in between. Santana stops for a moment to think what she means by that, but disregards it whatever it is, because she is finally able to be with her girlfriend without any obstruction
"We're gonna to get a lot of stares y'know? Two girls dating and everything," Santana tells Brittany as they begin walking down the hallway to class, acknowledging every judging glance from other students as well as hearing the disapproving whispers being exchanged, gabbing on about what they had just witnessed at the lockers. The scandal.
"When have they ever stopped staring?" Brittany asks as she looks ahead, the days of following the cracks in the floor long behind her. "Besides, I don't care what they think, I'm proud to show off you as my girlfriend," she smiles down at Santana before draping her arm over her shoulder. Santana blushes behind her curtain of hair but grins from ear to her, holding onto Brittany's waist as the body of students step aside to allow them past.
"Let me ask you another question, if I may," the doctor scratches his temples as he circles something in his notes. "I understand that you love Santana very much, that you've longed to be with her in any physical way for around half a year. Is that correct?" he asks, peering up to Brittany who now sits at the edge of the sofa.
"Yes..." Brittany answers a little cautiously, unsure as to why his tone is a lot more serious now than before.
"What about your parents, or anyone else for that matter? Have you tried as hard or wanted as much to interact with them physically than you have with Santana?"
Brittany can feel her stomach begin to drop and for a moment she feels a little guilty.
"I... I would," she struggles to speak. "I'd give anything to be able to hold onto my parents again," she sniffs. "Anything, and no one can dispute that, not even you, sir."
"I don't dispute that for one moment, Brittany. But have you tried?" He asks again.
Brittany just stares down to the old worn out rug where the edges have began to fray and she doesn't even want to talk, so she slowly and heavily shakes her head instead.
"I see," the doctor exhales deeply. "You said the first night that you were able to touch Santana physically, that it was like a dream. That you would never guessed that it would have happened the way it did, especially with everything that did take place in one night, correct?"
"Yes..."
"That it was almost too good to be true?"
"Yes?" Brittany doesn't like the solicitous tone in which the doctor speaks, in fact, she doesn't like where the conversation is going altogether.
"B-but I am getting better..." Brittany begins quietly arguing to herself. "You see, Santana is proof of that... she's proof of that." Her soft voice cracks as her stomach begins to flip. Just then, light specks of rain begin to patter against the window frame but Brittany only listens, her head hung with doubt. "My stomach hurts," she mumbles.
"I can see that you're a bit on edge at the moment, so I'm going to give you a little time before we continue on with the session. I think it will be a good idea," the doctor advised, closing his notepad before standing to his feet. "Don't you?"
"Brittany?" Mr Brown the biology teacher asks for the third time and Santana has to nudge Brittany to push her out of her daze.
"Huh?" She shakes her head, focusing back to the front of the class where the teacher stands with his arms crossed as the rest of the class's giggles echo in Brittany's mind.
"The answer to the question please!" He raises his voice, with little patience to spare. "May I remind you: when does the replication of the DNA in meiosis occur? I just went over the answer so you should know it."
Brittany is stumped. She should know this but as the clock ticks by and silence ensues, the more pairs of eyes turn to look at her.
"Uhm..." She mutters before turning to look at Santana who just shrugs and shakes her head apologetically. She turns back to face the front of the class where Mr Brown is cleaning off his glasses.
"Maybe if you spent less time preoccupied with Santana's hand there, then you may actually pay attention more often," he calls out disapprovingly before the class begins to whisper quietly amongst themselves. Brittany looks down to her hands that hold onto Santana's tightly, her thumb automatically brushing up and down Santana's palm.
"You sure you're okay, Britt?" Santana whispers, deeply concerned and Brittany looks back up in front where she spots Kurt at the desk ahead, offering her a friendly smile.
"Face the front, Kurt," Mr Brown drones out, clearly not at all enthused about being back at work amongst erratic teenagers.
"Britt?" Santana asks again, squeezing her hand.
"I need to go for some air," Brittany confesses aloud as the class all turns around again. "Sorry," she gulps, pushing her stool far back before running down the middle and out of the door. Santana watches with a hung jaw before turning to face Mr Brown again.
"Can I go too?" Santana asks raising her broken wrist as she waves her cast around. "I'm injured!"
"No, you can stay!" The teacher yells, causing the students to jump back in their seats. "Now can anyone tell me the damn answer?"
Brittany feels nauseous and as soon as she makes it to the girls bathroom, she begins to dry heave down the toilet cubical. She doesn't expect to be sick since she hasn't eaten all day but the way her stomach has been flipping is enough for her to gag.
"Now, I must say that I never took you as a puker, Pierce." The familiar Tom-catty tone of rather than to Sue Sylvester's voice calls out from above, which almost causes Brittany to jump out of her skin. She glances up and finds Sue leaning over the cubical wall with a crafty smirk.
"Wha?... what are you doing here?"Brittany pants out, backing away.
"Oh, I just come in here from time to time to check up on which one of my Cheerios may be secretly consuming the sly 'S'.
"S?" Brittany frowns, walking backwards until her back hits the edge of the sinks.
"Steroids, Belinda,"Sue clarifies as she steps off the toilet seat in her cubical before making her own way over to the sinks.
"It's Brittany," she corrects her as she watches Coach Sylvester warily.
"Whatever. Steroids are good for performance but they make you gain weight and whenever one of my Cheerios surpasses the hundred and twenty pound mark, then they get a big ole' red 'x' against their name," Sue crosses her arms. "You see, I can't have fatties on my team because you know what happens when fatties are on top of the pyramid?"
Brittany shakes her head so Sue drops down to her eye level and looks her straight in the eye without a flinch.
"People fall, and people die," she whispers in all seriousness and holds Brittany's wide-eyed gaze for a moment a little too long.
"Th-that's awful," Brittany breathes out shakily, uncomfortable with the coach's close proximity.
"That's why I need you on my Cheerios, kiddo." Sue finally stands back to her normal height, towering over Brittany again. "Now I know you have a lot off issues, and your first response is always to say no but-"
"I'm in! Brittany blurts out before she can think about it or even take it back.
"Pardon?" Sue raises an eyebrow, hoping that she isn't hearing things as she readjusts her hearing aid.
"I'm in..." Brittany repeats fearfully. "I'll join your Cheerios."
Sue raises both eyebrows this time before a triumphant grin plasters itself across her face.
"I knew you would eventually come around, Bradly,"
"Brittany, I'm a girl."
"Very well, I'll give you a briefing sometime in the week, with a starting date of next Monday!" Sue announces, taking a swig of her strawberry protein shake before she swings around and charges out of the door.
Brittany stands there breathlessly for a moment, trying to recollect what the hell has just happened. She has agreed to join the Cheerios. She spins around and looks at her face in the mirror, dark circles have formed underneath her eyes due to the lack of sleep over the last few days. Her lips are as pale as her cheeks and she just feels completely out of her comfort zone. Maybe she's pushing herself too hard?
"No, Brittany," she tells herself, glaring at her reflection. "You need to be stronger than this..."
She searches in the mirror for the strength she needs to feel inside herself but all she can see is a scared little girl in her reflection.
"The brain is a very powerful mechanism Brittany," The doctor begins again as he takes back to his seat. Brittany isn't looking at him but at the window as the heavy rain now crashes against the glass, making the buildings outside look blurred. "It surpasses what we have discovered, and tantalize us with all that is yet to be discovered.
"I know," Brittany whispers, not really caring for it.
"A lot of the time, the brain works in ways that we can't understand completely but in ways that we do try to make sense of." He watches as Brittany slowly nods, following her eyes as they follow the water droplets that cascade down the window pane. "Have you ever heard of a hysterical pregnancy, Brittany?"
Brittany turns her head to face the doctor and frowns before shaking her head.
"It's when a female wants to have a child so badly that her brain begins to send false signals to the endocrine system, which is in control of sending out hormones into the body," the doctor explains as Brittany listens carefully, her brows knit together. "The endocrine system picks up these false signals and begins secreting hormones that are produced when a woman is in fact, pregnant. Thus, the woman begins showing physical symptoms of that to a woman with child. Her menstrual cycle stops, breasts enlarge, there's morning sickness and in prolonged cases, a woman can even bloat and go into labour."
"I... I'm not pregnant!" Brittany interrupts immediately, panic stricken.
"No, no, no!" The doctor waves his hands dismissively. "All I'm saying is that the brain can do spectacular things, especially when one longs for something so much that the mind starts to play tricks on you; changing your whole perspective on things, your behaviour and sometimes your appearance.
Brittany doesn't understand. She's unsure if she even wants to understand.
"Are you saying that my being able to touch Santana is only happening in my mind?" Brittany asks cautiously, she can't have two disorders already then find out she's delusional as well.
"No, you are very much able to touch Santana physically," the doctor clarifies, allowing Brittany to breath again. "Yet," the doctor continues, although his voice is restrained, causing Brittany to look at him desperately in search to find out what he's hiding. "For how long you'll be able to touch Santana, I can't tell you I'm afraid." He says with the deepest regret.
"I hate Monday's," Santana moans at the dining table as she sits opposite Brittany who hungrily digs into her peanut butter and jelly sandwich. "I mean, the days go on forever and every time I see Berry's obnoxiously pink Beetle in the parking lot, I have to accept the fact that she made it through yet another weekend alive."
"It's okay," Brittany mumbles through a full mouth. "I hate today too."
"Yeah, what's up with that, I was worried about you in biology there?" Santana asks, digging her spoon into her pot of jello.
"Uhh... Excuse me?" A scrawny, ill-postured boy with large round glasses and a robust head of brown spirally hair clears his throat timidly, catching both of the girls' attention. He holds a journal and a pen in one hand and a recording device in the other. He's dressed like he's from the seventies, wearing his yellow t-shirt tucked into his brown, velvet flared pants and the smell of bad body odour encapsulates the girls' senses, causing them both to scrunch up their noses in disgust. "My name is Jacob Ben Israel-"
"I know who you are, JewFro, now what do you want?" Santana narrows her eyes, slurping on her black currant slushy.
"W-well, Since the school newspaper, The Muckraker is coming back, there's just one little question th-that I'd like to ask," he nods, eagerly pressing record on his tape.
"For the last time, Snorlax, I'm not flashing you my bra!" Santana exclaims, scrunching up her brown paper lunch bag.
"Actually, there's a rumour going around that you're having sexual lesbian relations with the foxy new blonde bombshell, Brittany S. Pierce that sits opposite you today. Is that true?" He asks, shoving the microphone directly into Santana's head space.
"Get that outta my face!" Santana snaps, pushing the recording device away. "And no!" She shakes her head in disbelief. "Leave us alone!"
"Yes," Brittany admits, wiping the peanut butter from the corners of her lips casually. "One hundred percent true."
Jacob stands there frozen in disbelief while Santana glares over at her girlfriend.
"What?" Brittany asks innocently.
"You're not supposed to feed the troll, Britt! Now he's going to make up some far-fetched, idiot ass article about how were were caught doing it in the Principal's office..." Santana shakes her head before turning her attention back to- "JACOB! Don't picture that!" Santana squeals as she finds the teenage boy, two years her junior, falling into a daydream.
"Uuuuuhhh..." Jacob mutters out.
"Ew!" Santana grimaces before throwing the balled-up brown paper bag at his head, causing him to come back down to earth again.
"Sorry! Sorry!" He shakes his head apologetically. "And is it true, Brittany S. Pierce, that you're the hottest new addition to Coach Sylvester's Cheerios?"
"No, you know what? GET LOST! Or else I will shove that tape recorder so far up your ass that you won't walk straight for a week, you get me?"
Without another word, Jacob backs up and almost trips over his flares as he steps away just when he sets his sights on the next rumour filled gossip story.
"Whenever you get defensive, I get sexually excited," Brittany admits shamelessly, peeling the orange fruit slowly in her hand causing Santana to cock a brow.
"Oh really?" She asks and Brittany nods with a slight grin. "Well, what can I say? I might only have use of one arm and have a couple of fractured ribs here and there, but at least my tongue is still working wonders."
"That too..." Brittany bites her lip. "That's hot."
Santana giggles out and takes a deep breath, her smile altering slightly as her train of thought turns more serious.
"And you," Santana begins, taking Brittany's hand in hers from across the table. "You've got me worried about you today, what's up?" She asks.
Brittany watches as Santana's tan hand overlaps her own. There's something artificial about the vision that captures Brittany's attention completely and soon she forgets what Santana originally asked.
"Can we go home?"
"I was all for skipping class back when it was cool and stuff but now that my mother has abandoned me and my father is no longer in my life, I really need to be able to go to college and support myself," Santana fusses as she tries to keep up with Brittany.
"Cool as in a couple of months ago?" Brittany retorts eagerly stepping down the pathway into their neighbourhood.
"Yeah but that was different, we had fallen into a swimming pool and were drenched. Why do you want to go home so badly anyway? We only had two more hours left of school?" Santana pants, feeling out of breath.
"I just need to clear my head... I need to get a few things out of my system," Brittany confesses, pulling Santana eagerly by the hand as they make their way along the foot of her yard.
"Well can you at least slow down a little?" Santana tries to pull her back but fails to do so. "Or tell me what the hell is going on!" Santana finally manages to break her hand free from Brittany's grasp as they step up on to the porch.
Damn it, Brittany!" Santana eventually yells out, fed up from all the unanswered questions. "First this morning, then biology class and now..." Santana swallows hoarsely. "You're scaring me," she utters, her voice cracking slightly. Brittany slowly turns to face her and Santana notices that the hard line between Brittany's brows has returned. Brittany looks at her remorsefully and Santana can see the pain in her eyes as the blues turn back to grey. Before Santana can say anything else, Brittany envelopes Santana in her arms for a tight embrace, holding her head against her own heart.
"I didn't mean to scare you," Brittany murmurs, tears threatening to sting her eyes as she looks up at the overcast sky. "I didn't mean that..."
Neither Santana nor Brittany count the minutes that pass as they stand on the porch steps, Brittany never wants to let go of her again, although she knows she will eventually have to.
"I love you," Brittany whispers as she squeezes her eyes shut. "No matter what happens."
"What do you mean, for how long I am able to touch Santana?" Brittany raises her voice, not liking one bit what the doctor is suggesting.
"I know this is going to be difficult for you to understand," the doctor informs her in a repentant manner. "And I'm sorry that I'm the one to tell you this"
"What do you mean, for how long I am able to touch Santana?" Brittany asks again, feeling more angry than anything as her vision blurs from tears. The doctor waits for a moment so that Brittany calms down again before checking over his notes one last time.
"You care deeply about Santana, she is the first person to bring you out of your comfort zone and so you have adapted to feeling comfortable outside of that zone when she is there with you." He explains, making sure to look up every now and again to see that Brittany's still following. "There hasn't been a day gone by that you haven't interacted with Santana in some way since you met her and so she herself has become your comfort zone, would you say that I was wrong?" He asks and Brittany silently shakes her head.
"You wanted so much to be able to touch Santana to such an extent that your brain went into what we call an altered mental state, where the subject of Santana – now your comfort zone - becomes a trigger event for your brain to send out false signals. So the more you saw and interacted with Santana, the more you believed that you would one day be able to physically touch her. And so the secretion of hormones that creates this altered state of mind reaches the point where you're actually one day able to physically touch her without any drawbacks."
Brittany's head hurts as she tries to make sense of his words and the fact that the wind and rain is battering against the window doesn't help.
"Does that mean... I'm not getting better?" Brittany asks, internally praying to God that she is wrong but the doctor's hard line across his mouth only confirms her fears.
"I'm afraid so," he says sympathetically.
"But... but I can touch her," Brittany argues with his statement, goosebumps pricking away at her skin. "It doesn't make sense," she shakes her head, refusing to believe it.
"Unfortunately, the altered mental state is temporary, lasting from a couple of hours to usually a couple of months. After then, the patient is always most likely to relapse.
"But why?" Brittany chokes out as she finally looses her voice. It feels as if she's swallowed a clump of razors and finds it hard to breath in that moment. She can't be hearing this.
"You have a phobia, Brittany. It doesn't go away over night.." The doctor can only shake his head.
"That's wrong!" Brittany cries through ground teeth. "Because I can touch Santana, I can kiss her, I can hold her and I can love her just like anybody else!"
"I'm sorry this happened to you, but you do need to be prepared-"
"No..." Brittany shakes her head, not wanting to hear any more as she covers her ears and clenches her eyes shut.
"The best you can do is get out there and interact with different people, even though you feel uncomfortable you need to familiarise yourself with the world instead of living in a bubble and that way you can work on truly getting better... It's the only way you can make progress." The doctor stops there, not needing to say any more that would taint Brittany's real state of mind any further while he patiently allows her to come around. It takes some time for her to re-open her eyes and uncover her ears, but when she does, all she can do is sit there and cry as the revelation truly sinks in. She thought that she had experienced a miracle, that magic really did exist for someone like her but it turned out be anything but.
Finally, her cheeks turn sticky as old, unbroken tears lubricate her red eyes before she completely wipes them away altogether with her sleeve as she sniffles quietly to herself with her head hung low. She too doesn't have anything else to say, only the truth to carry on her shoulders until the fateful day comes when she will no longer be able to touch Santana, however soon that may be.
End of Chapter XXI
So there's a few things coming up soon. I wonder how Santana's going to react with Brittany being on the Cheerios now.
And Glee Club Nationals.
And don't forget, the Muckraker and Santana's own dirty little secret.
Also the talk with Brittany's parents is next chapter...
Please review! :D