Chapter 21: Dream Catch Me

Nikki walked slowly along the corridor towards Harry's apartment, desperately hoping that he was at home. She was in shock. Every particle in her body was in shock. Her fingers were trembling as she reached into her handbag and fumbled for the keys that Harry had given her. As she did so her hand brushed against the piece of paper that held the results to her future. Swallowing the lump in her throat at the thought of how Harry was going to react, Nikki opened the door and stepped inside.

"Oh good, you're home. You got a taxi okay then? It must be costing you a fortune. We'll definitely have to work hard at getting you back in your car this weekend." Harry was brimming with happiness, and it made Nikki feel a little bit sick. She just nodded as she took off her coat.

"I went and did a bit of shopping this afternoon," he told her when Nikki walked into the lounge. He stood up and started rummaging in a bag. "Look what I bought." He held up a soft toy aeroplane. It was a blue material, with red wings and a yellow tail. There was a large smiley face on the front. It was obviously designed to be a baby toy, because not only was it soft-bodied, but there were different shiny bits, and colourful bits, and bits that made noises. Nikki felt tears spring to her eyes.

"Harry..." she breathed, but he didn't hear her.

"I just saw it and couldn't help myself, you know how much I love planes," he smiled. "And I know that you might not even be pregnant, but something's telling me that you are. I can just feel it, can't you? And I've come to the conclusion that it maybe wouldn't be such a bad thing after all. I mean, babies are cute, and now that I'm with you the idea of having a baby doesn't scare me like I thought it would, it makes me excited."

He stopped talking and just smiled at her. Nikki ignored the tear that rolled down her cheek, and ever so slightly shook her head at Harry. His face visibly fell, and the hand with the plane in fell limply to his side.

"You know?" he croaked out. Nikki passed him the piece of paper.

"My HGC and progesterone levels are normal. Everything's normal" she whispered as Harry's eyes scanned the sheet. "I'm not pregnant."

Her immense relief was mingled with sympathy for Harry, who was still holding the aeroplane. When he looked up at her she could see his eyes shining.

"I thought..." He trailed off. The piece of paper fluttered from his fingers and fell to the floor. Nikki walked towards him and took his hand in hers.

"I know," she said softly.

"I mean, I suppose it's for the best," he muttered, but he sounded uncertain and wouldn't quite meet Nikki's eyes.

"Exactly," she agreed, giving him a small smile in an attempt to cheer him up. "I don't know about you but I wasn't prepared to have a baby. At least now we don't have to worry about what to do."

This time Harry looked up at her, but there was contempt in his gaze. He tugged his hand out of her grip as he glared at her.

"'What to do'?" he repeated incredulously. "You had to think about what to do?"

"We're not ready, Harry," Nikki said defensively.

"But you were ready to kill the baby, had there been one?" he shouted. "I can't believe you! I thought you wanted the baby! You let me think you wanted the baby!" In his anger he ferociously threw the toy plane at the wall on the other side of the room.

"I didn't know how to tell you that I didn't. How was I to know that you did?" she replied sharply.

"I'm not cruel enough to want to get rid of it," he spat.

"Oh really, because isn't that what you asked Penny to do?"

The silence that followed this statement seemed to press on Nikki's skull. Harry's eyes filled with tears. He nodded and walked away from her. Nikki felt immediately guilty.

"Harry..."

Harry ignored her and continued making his way out of the room, however, he turned around when he reached the doorway.

"I..." he said, but stopped and swallowed hard. His anger seemed to have dissipated somewhat. "I bought an aeroplane," he whispered, before turning away again and walking down the hall and into their bedroom.

Nikki sunk onto the sofa and pressed the palms of her hands to her eyes until little spots of colour erupted. She had no idea that Harry was so excited about the prospect of them having children. He'd never struck her as the paternal type.

Nikki suddenly had a thought; this might not be about that at all... He might still be feeling guilty about the whole Penny business, and just wants to have another child to make up for the one he wasn't prepared to be there for. That had to be it. Didn't it?

A weary sigh escaped Nikki's lips. She knew that she was just making excuses now. Harry was genuinely disappointed, she knew that. Looking around the dark room, Nikki spotted the toy aeroplane on the other side of the room. She slowly moved across and picked it up. Then she had an idea. Nikki walked towards the bedroom, but stopped just outside the door. It wasn't until she'd taken a deep breath that she entered.

The room was in darkness, and Nikki could see Harry's outline in bed. However, it was impossible to tell whether he was asleep or not.

"Harry?" she breathed. "Are you awake?"

There was no answer, but Harry's breathing wasn't as deep as it normally was when he was asleep. Nikki sighed. She walked over to her side of the bed and climbed on. Sitting with her legs crossed underneath her Nikki wanted to reach out and touch Harry, but he was lying with his back to her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know that you wanted the baby. But I'm not going to pretend that I'm not relieved, I can't do that."

She saw Harry tense slightly, and realised that he was listening to every word she was saying. So she pressed on.

"I want children one day, I do. I want children with you, but not now. I'm not ready to make that step. We've only been dating for a few weeks, and yes, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, but you can't have children after only being together that long."

Harry still didn't say anything, and Nikki needed him to. Then it occurred to her what could still be upsetting him.

"I wouldn't have had an... I wouldn't have done anything without talking to you first, Harry. I hope you know that. I couldn't have," she told him quietly. "I'm sorry that you're upset, and I'm sorry that you're angry with me." Nikki looked down at the toy in her hands. She got off of the bed and moved round to Harry's side, bending down to his level. Sure enough his eyes were open, and Nikki could see light from the street lamp outside that they were filled with tears.

"Take this," she told him, pressing the toy into his hand. "And I want you to keep it. Because in a few months, or a few years, we will have a baby, and that baby is going to need its daddy to give it naff aeroplane toys."

Harry gripped the plane tightly, and Nikki placed a hand on the side of his face, gently running her thumb across his cheekbone.

"I'm really sorry – for your sake – that I'm not pregnant," she said, struggling with the lump in her throat.

"Me too," Harry said sadly. He rolled onto his back before sitting up against the headboard. Nikki walked back around to her side of the bed and resumed her original sitting position.

"I never knew," Harry went on. "That I would want the baby. When you first told me I was scared and shocked, which is why I was slightly cold towards you. But then the idea sank in and I thought that maybe it wasn't so scary after all. I began to imagine myself taking our daughter to her first ballet class, or taking our son to see an air show. The more I imagined these things, the more my excitement grew."

He fell silent and gazed down at the toy in his hands.

"I really thought you were pregnant. I really did," he mumbled, almost as if it still hadn't sunk in yet.

"I know," Nikki said sadly. Harry blew out a deep breath and turned his head to look at her.

"One day?"

"One day," she confirmed with a tiny smile. Harry reached out his arms and Nikki fell into them, gripping onto his t-shirt as she lay her head on his shoulder.

*

When Nikki awoke the next morning she fully expected to see Harry next to her. However, the bed was empty apart from herself. The sheets were cold on Harry's side, meaning that he'd already been up for quite a while. However, when Nikki glanced at the clock she saw that it wasn't even six yet. She stretched and climbed out of bed, padding out of the room and into the lounge. What she saw next was not what she was expecting. Harry was sprawled out on the sofa in his pyjamas, fast asleep and with nothing but a thin blanket covering him and the pillow from the spare room under his head.

Nikki marched straight over and threw a cushion at her boyfriend.

"Ow," he groaned sleepily, burying his head further into the pillow.

"Why did you sleep out here?" Nikki demanded. Harry breathed in deeply and ran a hand over his face before eventually sitting up. His elbows were on his knees and his head in his hands.

"Because I just... I needed some space," he mumbled sleepily.

"Space?" Nikki repeated. "What did you need space for?"

"It doesn't matter," Harry said, smiling at Nikki.

Nikki knew that it did matter, and that something was still bothering Harry. She also knew that it would have something to do with the events of the previous day, but was scared of pressing him on the matter. What if he said he couldn't be with her any more? What if he was still really angry about her wanting to have an abortion? There was no way Nikki could ask him exactly what was wrong.

Then again, on the other hand she wanted to know if Harry wasn't happy. She wasn't going to stay in a relationship if the only person committed to it whole-heartedly was herself. Eventually she decided what to do.

"What's wrong, Harry?"

"Nothing is wrong, I'm fine!" he insisted.

"So why did you sleep on the sofa?" Nikki asked him.

"I realised last night that it was today you wanted to get in your car again, so I was trawling the internet to see if I could find a way to make it easier for you. Then it got really late and I didn't want to wake you by getting back into bed."

It was only then that Nikki noticed the laptop closed at the other end of the sofa, and Harry was smiling at her so genuinely that she knew he was telling the truth.

"So you're not going off me?"

Harry chuckled. "Of course not," he said. He stood up and placed his hands either side of her face before kissing her. Nikki eagerly responded, her fingers immediately running through Harry's hair.

"I love you, no matter what," Harry whispered against her lips. Nikki smiled and just kissed him again.

There we are, another chapter. So many of you assumed that she was going to be pregnant. In the reviews it was all 'I hope Harry's okay about the baby' and stuff. :D But she's not. I hope I wrote this okay, it wasn't very easy!