A/N I wanted to say thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story so far it's reached 100! so yay! and to celebrate and extra long chapter for you all! This was going to be two chapters but I thought what the hell why not. So hope you all enjoy and I'm looking forward to hearing from you all.
Peeta and I quickly fall into a rhythm over the weeks that pass, nights we spend curled together our rings on our hands, during the day we tuck them away where no one can see them. Mine is secured around my neck on a piece of leather thong, while he has his on a thick chain that slips into his shirt easily. I hate not wearing my ring but we both agree that it's for the best at the moment. Haymitch was there the morning after his frown deep but he hasn't said anything since and I'm glad for it. I'm still unsure why he was so angry with me in the first place but I won't say anything if he doesn't.
I've found myself getting worse when Peeta is around, and now I'm a constant source of amusement to my mother and sister. They think I don't hear when they whisper about the Mellark effect but I hear them, apparently it's the nickname they've come up with for whenever I go in to a daze of Peeta. It only happens when he flashes me his smile, or looks at me lovingly or I suppose is simply in the room with me, so thinking about it that's pretty much all the time but it still annoys me that they find it so funny. My mother laughs with Prim but I can see how happy she is with how things are that this is what she meant when we talked and seeing it so plainly seems to heal something in her heart.
The time flies by so easily that suddenly it's nearly time for the Quarter Quell announcement and along with that comes the fashion parade of wedding dresses the capitol wants to see. Cinna sent me the packages to try on but I just can't seem to find the energy to bother with them so when he turns up at my door step early to go over the ones I like I have to sheepishly inform him that I haven't even looked at them. He doesn't even bat an eye at that, simply pulling me into my bedroom so that he can go through the ones he likes best.
That evening we all sit at my dining room table to eat, it feels a little strange since we usually just eat in the kitchen at the little table there but really there's to many for that with the addition of Cinna and Portia. Haymitch has invited himself again and my mother is happy to see him even if Peeta and I barely say anything. After the quiet meal is finished I help my mother gather the dishes and leave the three new members of our group to chat. Shoeing my mother from the sink I set to work cleaning and storing the pots and when I'm done I return to find everyone settled happily in the front room. Peeta is talking softly with Cinna, while my mother chats with Portia about her job in the capitol. Haymitch as usual has position himself in front of the fire with a glower, though Prim is perched nearby chatting with him and I notice he doesn't ignore her, even if he does answer a little begrudgingly. No one can resist my sisters light and charm and I can't help smirking at him as I enter the room and slip down onto the sofa next to Peeta. He doesn't stop talking to Cinna but his hand darts out to rest against my knee and I wrap both of my hands over his with a soft smile.
It's nice having so many people in the house it makes it feel alive instead of sterile and not mine, even Haymitch being there doesn't put a downer on things, but soon the hour grows late and I can't help but yawn. By then I'm curled against Peeta who has his arm wrapped around my shoulders his fingers delving into my hair.
"I think we might have to call it a night," he says softly and I simply nod against his shoulder.
"Where are you two staying?" my mother asks and suddenly I realise I haven't even thought about that.
"We have rooms at a small inn in the town," Cinna replies and my mother tuts at that.
"It's too late and cold to head to town tonight. Stay here there's plenty of room, Cinna you can have the spare room and Portia should find Katniss' room comfortable enough," my mother say as she climbs to her feet ushering a dozing Prim to hers.
Cinna frowns for a moment and I can tell Portia wants to say something, both of their eyes turning to us but neither does. Instead we bid my mother and Prim a good night and stay quiet as they head upstairs.
"Your room Katniss?" Portia finally says when I hear my mother's door close.
"Well yes err," I try to talk but the words have died on my lips at their intense looks.
"Yes Katniss' room she hasn't used it in some time since she stays with me most nights," Peeta replies so easily that I wish I had his ease with words and situations.
Portia grins at that and I can see Cinna smiling softly but no one says anything. Instead I climb to my feet offer to show them where their rooms are and disappear up the stairs before they answer. I know they're right behind me and I show them everything they could need, stopping to grab some guest towels in case they feel like showers in the morning and quickly retreat.
Entering the front room I realise quickly that I must have disturbed an argument. Peeta's face is flushed and Haymitch is on his feet near the door.
"What's going on?" I ask setting Haymitch with a glare knowing for sure that he is behind it all.
"Nothing sweetheart don't get your knickers in a bunch," with a glance at Peeta Haymitch disappears through the front door leaving me alone with Peeta.
"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I whisper but Peeta's eyes are still angry something that I barely ever see so it stops me as he simply shakes his head.
Eventually I know he will tell me, so I simply nod and ignore the churning in my gut.
That night I have a nightmare, it's been weeks since my last so this one catches me completely off guard. I'm stood in in the tube waiting for it to lift into the arena, its plastic walls suffocating. The tube holds me and seems to close around me but worse that it's suffocating presence is the noise coming from outside of the tube. In life it numbed everything I remember seeing Cinna's lips move as he tried to call calming words to me, but in the nightmare things are twisted. I can hear Peeta beyond the plastic, his voice calling in anguish and pain. I slam my fists against the plastic trying to get through to him, I can't see anything beyond the tube but I know not far from me he's in pain and its breaking me. Soon though his voice is joined by another, but this one simply cries its owner too young to form words. The baby cries that high pitched tone of pure distress that only a truly young baby in pain can create and my stomach twist so violently I know I'm going to be sick.
"Katniss please baby wake up, wake up it's just a dream," Peeta's voice breaks into my nightmare shattering it and I feel his hands on my body holding me.
Instantly my eyes pop open but the rolling in my stomach doesn't leave with the nightmare, in fact it intensifies. Pushing his hands back I run full pelt for the bathroom making it there just in time to spill the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
After retching up everything in my stomach along with everything I seemed to have eaten ever it feels like. Its only as the shaking subsides in my body that I realise Peeta is right next to me, his cool hands smooth over my hair pulling the sweaty locks away from my face. Turning I look at him to see the worry and fear evident in his face and try to smile to reassure him but I know the gesture doesn't really help. Instead I simply watch as he climbs to his feet again, leaning over to flush the toilet and then snagging a wash cloth from the little cupboard under the sink he rinses it in cool water before turning to wipe it across my face. Already I feel better, the sickness gone, only my stomach aches now from the retching.
Soon enough he helps me to my feet and I shoo him out of the room while I brush my teeth and try to straighten myself up a little. When I emerge from the bathroom I find him stood right in front of the door obviously listening to me as I pottered around. This time when I smile at him he returns the smile with a sigh and walks forward so he can wrap me in his arms. I return the hug instantly pulling myself in tightly against him so I can bury my face in his neck. His hands tangle into my hair and I feel his breathing steady as I hold him.
Eventually we pull apart so that he can pull me back to bed and I push him onto his back so that I can lye sprawled over his chest. Throwing one leg over both of his I pull myself in tight against him and his hand circles over my hip protectively.
"Want to talk about it," he says eventually and I simply shake my head, what's the point in discussing nightmares it never helps.
Instead I simply curl myself closer to him and let the oblivion of sleep take me under again thankfully into a dreamless land.
When I wake in the morning it's too soft knocking on the door. My eyes pop open again to find the room barely lit by the morning sunshine, it's so early that it has that slightly pink ting to it, and I lift my head from the pillow reluctantly.
"Yes," I call softly knowing Peeta is still fast asleep behind me.
In our sleep we turned and now he has his head buried against my back his face pressed against my skin and his arm thrown over my waist his hand spread wide over my stomach. His breathing is deep and even and I know its exhaustion that has him in its grasp, I know for a fact he would have stayed awake last night to make sure the nightmare didn't disturb me again.
The door cracks open then and Cinna's head appears around the frame. He smiles softly at me when he takes in the scene in front of him and I return the smile, rubbing my eyes trying to clear them of sleep.
"I'm sorry to wake you up so early. I just heard from Effie, she and the crew will be here in about two hours to start. I wanted to go over a few other bits with you before they got here."
I nod and he disappears back out of the room closing the door softly behind him. For a moment I lay there curled in Peeta's arms but then I know I have to move. Today is going to be a busy day; the crew are going to be here to take photos for the bridal fashion parade they are showing just before the Quell announcement. Personally I've tried not to think about the Quell, or what horrors Snow can come up with now. I don't like the thought of mentoring kids that are going to die, even if one survives and becomes the victor the other will die, Snow will never let another star crossed lovers scenario happen again.
Lifting Peeta's arm I roll over so that I can face him and he frowns in his sleep. Leaning forward I press my lips to his cheek and rest my forehead against his, running my hand over his bare arm.
"Peeta love I have to get up," I whisper to him and listen as his breathing changes.
Soon his bright blue eyes meet mine, even if they are slightly hooded with sleep.
"Ok give me a minute," he mumbles his voice raspy with disuse.
"No, it's fine Cinna and I are going to be in just down stairs, I just wanted you to know so you wouldn't worry," he frowns slightly but I can see he's fighting to stay awake.
Smoothing my hand across his face I press another kiss lightly to his lips, "sleep ok I know Effie will want you around when the crew comes but you don't need to be up yet alright," pressing another kiss to his lips I trail my fingers across his temple until his eyes finally close and with a small nod he lowers his head back to the pillow and gives up the fight.
Silently I slip from the bed gathering up a robe thrown haphazardly on the floor at some point and pad into the bathroom. Closing the door behind me so I won't disturb Peeta, I turn the shower on hot and step in washing the last on the nightmare last night from my skin. I don't bother with any fragrance or doing anything special with my hair knowing the prep team will want to sort out all of that later. So I opt to simply wrap my hair in a towel and slip the robe back on.
When I leave the bathroom Peeta is sound asleep snoring softly and I pause for a moment to pull the cover back across him. He's wrapped himself around my pillow, something he always does when I'm not in the bed with him, and his face is buried against the mattress. I stop at the dresser to gather up the leather thong and slip my ring from my finger carefully securing it around my neck and with one last glance at his sleeping form I leave as silently as I can manage closing the door behind me.
I find Cinna in the kitchen and he hands me a cup of coffee. I don't tend to drink coffee but this morning I definitely need it to wake me up. He offers to make me breakfast but I decline my stomach still feeling a little sore from the night before, so I simply pull a cheese bun from the pantry and the supply that Peeta keeps for me at all times, nibbling its corner. I fold myself into one of the kitchen chairs and sit chatting with Cinna softly.
"So we should have five designs, they wanted more but I talked them down, but each has to be different," he says as he grabs the sketches of the dresses he has with him.
I nod and slip forward a little to look at the designs, I don't really care if I could I'd leave him to pick everything but I know he wants to engage me so I'll humour him. I look over his sketches, all of which are beautiful even if they aren't my taste, and pick the five that I think will suit me best. Three of them are white, while the other two have a touch of colour. One is a purple so pale it's almost white but he assures me that you only see the purple when the light hits it right. I remember the shimmer of the material he showed me and accent to that one. The other is a pale pale orange, this one I pick for Peeta knowing he'll like seeing me in it. As I run my fingers over the design I can't help smiling to myself thinking of the dress I wore for Peeta.
"What are you smiling about," Cinna says then breaking into my memories.
Looking up from the drawing I know I'm blushing but I meet his gaze, "nothing really," it's all I can muster and he laughs softly at me.
We chat like that for maybe an hour, deciding which dresses and the look that's going to go with each of them and then Cinna leaves needing to head to my house to collect together the dresses we've chosen from the stacks he sent me. The house is quiet for a while and I sip another cup of coffee, feeling the caffeine going to work on my system, since I don't usually drink it it hits like adrenaline instantly waking me up. It's not long after Cinna leaves that I hear Peeta moving around upstairs but I stay put my eyes looking over the sketches Cinna left behind. How weird it's going to feel wearing these dresses. No one in the seam dreams of a big wedding, it's just not possible, and I certainly never had. My head was to full dealing with keeping me and my family alive as I grew up. I know Prim would think of these things, but I'm not a girly girl, I live for hunting and getting down in the dirt.
Thinking of hunting makes me think of the ban and thus Gale. I've tried to talk to him in the weeks that have passed since the fence went live, but it has been next to impossible. His mother is always happy to see me, and always smile softly accepting the extra bundles of food that I bring her. With it just being me Prim and my mother we have more than enough money to get the food that we need, and it's the same for Peeta. So all of us have simply been buying extra when the supply train comes through every two weeks. I'm determined to keep Gale's family healthy even if he isn't my friend anymore. Deep down I feel like the fence is my fault, if it wasn't for the unrest in the districts then we wouldn't have needed a new head peacekeeper, one who was bent on enforcing every rule even if it meant the deaths of his district occupants.
Peeta steels me from my thoughts when he enters his hair still wet from the shower, wearing just a pair of track bottoms. With a lazy grin he pads on bare feet into the room and I watch as he potters around gathering some cereal for himself and a cup of coffee to join me. He looks at ease as he moves, and I no longer notice that his gate is slightly off thanks to his leg, if the whole country didn't know he lost his leg then no one would be able to guess.
When he slips into the chair next to me he smiles softly, "have you eaten yet?" he asks as he spoons a mouthful of food into his mouth.
"Yes," I reply not exactly lying since I had a muffin.
He raises an eyebrow at me telling me without saying anything that he doesn't believe me but he doesn't push me knowing it can descend very quickly into an argument.
"Effie will be here soon," I inform him and he simply nods as he eats and I grimace at him.
He's not the one that has to deal with being poked prodded and squeezed into outfits today. He laughs softly at my look and leans over to kiss me lightly on the lips.
"I won't venture far I promise," he smiles and I can't help but breathe out a sigh and with a small nod from me he returns to his cereal.
Not long later Effie arrives with her normal bluster and hullabaloo and I find myself being whisked upstairs by my prep team to begin the first transformation. Each of the dresses will have a different hair style and different makeup so I quickly realise I am going to spend the whole day being kept in the chair while they work on me. I sit curled in the chair as they work my hair into an intricate design and work on the makeup that's going with the first of the dresses. As he said Peeta doesn't venture away from me, he sits himself on the bed and watches me get primped silently, smiling at me every time my eyes meet his. Finally I'm ready for the first dress and Cinna shoos the prep team back so that he can help me into it himself.
When I strip off the robe, uncaring that I'm naked underneath, its Peeta's quiet gasp that alerts me to my mistake. I'd moved without even thinking stripping off my robe, a move I'd done so often for Cinna that I didn't even think, but its only as the barrier leaves my skin that I think about the thing that it had been hiding. Cinna's eyes drop to the necklace and they widen slightly before they snap back to my face and then dart behind me to the three people in the room that would instantly spread whatever they see. I know it's not their fault, that they are innocent of the world and its horrors, even if they are a victor prep team, and they would fail to see why we would need to keep a marriage quiet.
Stepping forwards quickly Cinna's fingers go to my necklace snatching it from my skin before I can think. Words begin to form on my lips in a protest but then he's turning on his heel and walking to Peeta.
"I think you should hang onto this," his words are quiet as he drops the necklace into Peeta's waiting hand and deftly Peeta slips it into his pocket.
When Cinna turns back to me he doesn't say anything but I can see the tightness in his lips.
"Let's get you into this dress," he says his voice betraying nothing of what just happened and Flavius is there instantly with the first masterpiece ready for me to wear.
The day progresses steadily from there, I spend an hour or two in my prep team's hands as they strip and redo all of their work and then I'm wearing the dress for less than half an hour while Effie gets her perfect picture. By the time the last dress rolls around I'm ready to tumble over. Thankfully Peeta and my mother have slipped me bites of food through the day and even more thankfully my stomach seems to tolerate them fine.
Once Effie is satisfied with all of the photos she dismisses the crew and finally Peeta's home is quiet again. I manage to snag a moment to myself when I slip into the bathroom for a shower, but thankfully Peeta reads the situation well and slips in behind me. We shower together, his hands deftly soaping my skin and yes we get distracted but I don't care after the day I've had I need his touch. When we emerge from our room I'm wearing a t-shirt of Peeta's that hangs to just above my knees and a pair of shorts hidden by the material. At this stage I don't care what I look like, nearly everyone left in the house has seen me naked so what do I care. Peeta has a pair of jogging pants on a wife beater top, his normal attire for lounging around the house, and I feel like I can finally breathe. My necklace is secured around my neck again, the weight of my ring against my skin comforting as we head to the kitchen where Cinna and Haymitch sit whispering together.
When we enter they fall silent and watch us, and I refuse to acknowledge the words hidden in their eyes.
"Where's Effie?" I ask simply as I drop into a seat as Peeta moves to gather some food for us.
"Gone, she's over seeing our part of the broadcast in a few days so she had to head back quickly, Portia left with her," Cinna replies and I simply nod as I take the plate Peeta is handing out to me.
For a moment the room is silent except for the sound of our mingled chewing, but soon the food is gone and I can almost feel the unspoken words between us beating at us.
Peeta beats me to it, "well spit it out already," he finally bite out in a growl that is so unlike him that my eyes snap to his face and I can see the tension in his jaw.
His eyes aren't on me though; he's looking at Cinna and Haymitch who both look a little sheepish under his stern gaze.
"We just weren't sure how to ask," Cinna finally say and I watch my friend patiently.
"The ring?" Peeta says simply and Haymitch sighs while Cinna nods, "it's exactly what you think it is," Peeta says and then he's on his feet gathering our dishes together to dump them into the sink.
The room is filled for a moment with the sound of running water and the clatter of pot against pot. When he turns back to face the table I smile weakly at him and he returns it his eyes heating with love for a moment before his gaze frosts over as his gaze slides to Cinna and Haymitch.
I can see the anger in Haymitch's face but he doesn't say anything, I know for a fact he knew what we had done, but Cinna is a different story. His face is passive as always, years of moving in the Capitol circles teaching him to school his features better than any other I had ever seen, but I can see a flare in his eyes and I hold onto the hope that he'll approve I don't think my heart could take another beat down like the one that Haymitch has given it.
"This is dangerous," he says finally his voice barely above a whisper.
"It won't have to be secret for long," Peeta says calmly as he takes his seat again and I tear my eyes from Cinna's passive face to take his in.
The anger has ebbed from his eyes again and I can see the same flicker of hope that has been sparked in my own body reflected in his blue depths.
"There's nothing for them to trace?" Cinna asks suddenly drawing my attention again.
"Nothing," I reply my voice sound a little raspy to my own ears.
With a nod Cinna looks to Haymitch who is obviously biting his tongue, I can see his jaw working the muscles in his neck tight as he fights not to say anything.
"Well just be careful ok," Cinna's words make me smile but before I can say anything Haymitch is up and out of his chair storming out of the room.
I hear the bang of the front door and know that he's left, probably to drown himself in liquor again and I feel the familiar spike of anger spread through my body.
"Don't be angry with him Katniss, he's just scared for you that's all," Cinna's soft words shock me for a moment but before I can gather my thoughts enough to say anything he's excusing himself for the night and Peeta and I find ourselves alone again.
"I think sleep is in order," he says to me finally and I simply nod as I follow him back to our room where I can finally succumb to exhaustion and ignore the jumble of emotions rolling through my mind.
A/N Hope you all enjoyed I wrote this all tonight and it is rather late here now so I'm going to bed and I hope when I get up I'll find lots of reviews sitting in my inbox for me *hint hint*