Disclaimer- I do not own The Outsiders
'I'll stay mommy. I love you."
"I love, love you too Dally.".
Dallas awoke with a start. It was freezing cold, a not all of the cold came from the blizzard. There were some things best left unremembered and he had dreamed of one of them. It unnerved him.
"You okay kid?" Dallas looked up. It was James. He had let his guard down once for him. He didn't want to do it again. He had to stay tough be strong, he had to or this would happen again. But it had happened and now Dallas felt unsure of himself.
Maybe it was for the best. Maybe he could let his guard down. James would understand. But no. He was Dallas Winston. He didn't need anybody's sympathy or pity. He didn't want it. Then again…..
"I'm fine." Dallas answered gruffly.
"Not this again." James thought sadly, "Are you sure. You didn't sound so good, like you had a nightmare."
"I'm fine. I said I'm fine."
"Dallas please."
"Fine you want to know. I dreamed about mom. Okay I'm a freakin pansy who dreamed about the last time he saw his mom before she went six feet under. Boo hoo hoo."
"Dallas…I…I..."
"You what? You feel sorry for me, is that it? I'm sick and tired of you people trying to dissect me. My mom's dead, my best friends dead. Its over and its done with. So you can just take all your religious and sympathy crap and shove it up…"
"Dallas, I'm not trying to pity you. I'm trying to help you." James sighed. Dallas's mood swings drove him half crazy. One minute the boy was eager to tell what was on his mind, the next he kept himself glued up.
"I don't want your help. I just want you to leave me be. I was just fine before you all started in."
James walked closer; knowing very well that in his mood Dallas might snap and hit him or worse. "Dallas, do you really think you were fine? Does trying to commit suicide sound fine? Does punishing yourself for something you didn't do seem fine? You keep all your emotions bottled up and you're like a balloon with too much air in it. You just burst. What happens next time you burst Dallas? Do you think any of us want you dead? Answer me this. Do you think your mother wants you dead?"
That did it. Dallas shoved James right into the wall. James and he both panted. Dallas ran his fingers threw his hair.
"She wouldn't want to be dead. She wouldn't have wanted to have been beaten, or raped. She wouldn't want to know her son could have done something to stop it bur didn't. So don't you go talking about what she would or wouldn't want."
"I know one thing. Annie would not wanted to have died knowing her son was planning on following her so soon. She'd want to live but if it meant living without you, do you really think she would want that? And Johnny, he thought the world of you I am sure. Would he really want to think you're a coward who can't deal with his own emotions?"
Dallas fell to the ground and put his head into his hands. His guard falling down was getting to be a real hassle. He did not want these things running through his head but there they were, and he did not quite know how to deal with them. "What do you know about it huh? How do you know I feel?"
The wind howled and whistled between the silence that came between them, James looked down dejectedly. "You're right, you know. Nobody knows exactly how you feel except God and I have a feeling that he's going to keep that between the two of you. But I can try to understand. That's all anyone can do."
When Dallas refused an answer James continued. 'I loved your mother Dallas. She was my very best friend. Growing up she was practically my only friend. But she meant a lot more then that. I loved her Dallas, more then I have ever in my life loved anybody. I wanted to be with her forever but unfortunately she didn't feel like I did. SO if you are asking me how I understand your feelings, there you have it."
Dallas didn't say a word. He just stared at James and then stalked off into the bedroom. James sighed. He took a deep breath. "Please God; help me get through to him. Help him to listen. I like this kid. It's like having a piece of Annie back with me. He's so troubled though. Half the time I don't know what to say to him.
And Carol is at the end of her ropes. He's a good kid but he want let anybody else knows it. He tries to put on a show and seem so tough. He's so destructive. I'm scared next time he loses his cool, he'll do something crazy. I don't want that to happen. Please."
Having another sigh James headed towards into the bedroom.1
1. Forgive me. I wrote most of this chapter at like three in the morning