She is not in the First Order. Rey tells herself this as she spends most of the afternoon aimlessly wandering the uppermost decks of the Finalizer. She needs to think and she can't do it holed up in Ben's quarters.
She is definitely not in the First Order.
Is she in the First Order?
More and more, Rey worries that she is. She lives on its flagship in the quarters of the Supreme Leader himself. She wears its uniform and conspires with Kylo Ren to balance the Force. Her sympathies may lie with the Resistance and with its democratic values of liberty and civil rights. But survivor Rey knows that Leia Organa and her few remaining diehards are a lost cause. And she agrees with Ben's assessment that there is no point in pursuing more violence in the name of the Force. That will only repeat the cycle of extreme Light and Dark that leads the galaxy back to this same flashpoint each generation.
So where does that leave her? Rey had thought herself to be allied with Ben to seek a middle ground path forward. But lately she worries that she is only repeating her mistake in Snoke's throne room by once again aiding and abetting Kylo Ren's rise to power. It hasn't escaped Rey's notice that her being here has effectively neutralized her influence in the war. She's spinning her wheels wasting time with old Jedi texts. They are no closer to balancing the Force. And now apparently, Ben has it all planned out. He's going to fake the death of the Resistance Jedi girl who killed Snoke and then Lieutenant Renata Solo will live on. Yes, it solves a problem for Rey, but it also neatly brands her in his camp. And that makes her uncomfortable. Rey is Team Ben Solo when it comes to opposing Snoke and balancing the Force. But she's not about to sign up for the First Order's violent fascist future courtesy of Team Kylo Ren.
The problem is that she's getting far too comfortable hanging out with Ben. She's never spent so much time around any one person before. Ben doesn't crowd her. He doesn't talk too much. When he does talk, it's mostly about the Force. Clearly, he would be a great teacher if she ever took him up on his offer. He is far more interesting than anything in Luke's dusty old books. And that dreamy look in his eye when he speaks of the Force is compelling in and of itself. Every night, Rey looks forward to Ben walking through the door so they can talk about it.
But the Force isn't the whole of it. For at times, Ben is disarmingly kind. This is what she saw in Ben that night on Ahch-To when they touched hands and Luke blew up her hut. This is what had her rushing off to confront Snoke. This same empathy and caring. This familiar neediness. This lonely, adrift soul. Ben Solo keeps drawing her in and that man is so hard to reconcile with Kylo Ren who rules the galaxy with unchecked rage and a clenched fist. Is she a fool being manipulated? Or is she seeing the real man beneath the mask? Or maybe this is just more evidence of how conflicted he is—for he is simultaneously part Ben Solo and part Kylo Ren. Maybe all of it is him—both the good and the bad.
And what does that make Rey for helping him? She still isn't sure.
Rey knows now from Luke Skywalker's experience how hard it can be to know if you are doing the right thing. For you can easily fool yourself into believing that what you do is right because you are well intentioned. And if it isn't right, where does that leave you? Luke had died as he had lived, a Jedi to the end. But a Jedi who proclaimed that his calling in life needed to end. So what's next for the Light? Rey can't help squirming when she thinks of how disapproving Luke and his sister would be about what she has done. Is her alliance with Ben Solo betraying the ideals of the Light or moving them forward to a new generation? That is the pressing question. For Rey feels a keen sense responsibility to the Light. She worries that she is thinking with her heart these days and not with her head. Dare she say it? Is she forming an attachment?
Well, whatever she and Ben are, she's not in the First Order. She's definitely not joining the First Order, Rey thinks as she boards yet another crowded elevator.
"I'm going to cry. I know I'm going to cry." A woman wearing a tech's outfit standing next to Rey speaks to another female colleague at her side. They must be talking about the Starkiller war memorial service that Rey has seen advertised around the ship.
"Me too. All those poor people. They never even had a chance."
"Like on Hosnia," the first woman sighs.
"Yeah. It's a shame that happened. But we did that to win the war fast. So fewer people would die in the long run. It was a regrettable necessity like the old Leader's spokesman said."
"I know. And it's not like the Republic didn't have it coming. But we're supposed to be better than they are, right?"
"We are better than they are. It's not even close. Hey, my supervisor said that his boss told him that General Hux will be giving a speech at the memorial. You know that will be great."
"He's so dreamy. I could listen to him talk all day. Is the new Leader coming?"
"I hope so. Hux saved Ren off the Starkiller, did you hear?"
"Everyone knows Hux is a hero. So my friend on third shift said that her boyfriend was on Crait and he saw Kylo Ren with his mask off. Ren took his mask off to fight the Jedi. It was old-fashioned hand-to-hand combat with laser swords like in the olden days."
"I love that Kylo Ren fought the Jedi all by himself. That was so brave. And so him. He may be crazy but he's always on the frontlines down with the troops. Too bad the Jedi cheated. You can't trust those guys. So . . . is the Leader dreamy too under his mask?"
"All I know is he's got a scar right down the middle of his face. He got it fighting the Jedi woman, I think. He was trying to keep her from killing Leader Snoke when that rebel bitch slashed his face."
"I hope they catch that girl and bring her to justice."
"Me too."
Then the elevator door opens and Rey hurries to get off. It's time to go back to Ben's quarters, she decides abruptly. Pulling her uniform cap low and walking purposefully, Rey strides back. Soon, she's at the door, ready to wave a hand at it to unlock it with the Force. But she's still somewhat lost in her thoughts, so the loud voice that interrupts them takes Rey completely by surprise.
"Freeze!"
Startled, Rey looks up immediately in the direction of the voice. First, she sees the gun pointed squarely at her chest. Then, she sees the man. She instantly recognizes him from the holonet. It's General Hux.
"Hands up."
Rey warily complies. She stares at the tall, slim zealot who had once presented her to Ben for execution. Does he recognize her as the Resistance Jedi girl? Is she busted again?
"Explain your actions, Lieutenant!"
Lieutenant. He thinks she's a Lieutenant. Rey's mind starts racing to concoct a believable tale. But she hesitates too long and now she sees further suspicion dawn on Hux's face.
"Report, Lieutenant! Explain why you are here on a maximum security restricted corridor outside these quarters. And do not tell me you are lost." Before she can answer, Hux barks into a comlink and orders security to join them immediately.
Rey's eyes grow wide. Is she about to be arrested? She launches into an explanation fast. "These are the quarters for the Supreme Leader. Right, Sir?" she stammers. "I am an assistant to the Supreme Leader for Intelligence Matters."
"I've never seen you before. Where is your ID?" Hux snaps.
With one hand still upraised, Rey reaches into her jacket to fish out her official identification. She unhooks it and offers it over for inspection.
"Lieutenant Renata Solo, Special Assistant for Resistance Intelligence Matters," the general reads aloud. He looks up and his eyes narrow. "You were the woman he took flying last week, yes?"
How did he know about that, Rey wonders. But she dares not lie, for Hux obviously knows the truth. "Yes, Sir. He ordered me to accompany him, Sir."
"And here you are now. What brings you here, Lieutenant? Have you been summoned again?" Hux looks her over thoughtfully. He still has his weapon aimed squarely at her chest. "Ren is on the bridge. He does not normally conduct business from his quarters. This is a highly restricted area, Lieutenant. Trespassers are to be shot on sight after what happened to Leader Snoke."
"Yes, Sir. I know, Sir. But this is a special case, Sir."
"And why is that?"
"It's need to know, Sir," Rey improvises, searching for something, anything to say next. She tries to look as contrite and professional as possible as she punts to Ben. "Leader's order's, Sir. He can explain."
"There is no intelligence that is above my paygrade. The head of Intel reports to me," Hux hisses. "Now, report!"
Uh oh. Rey starts to spin a tale. "I was embedded with the Resistance for some time, Sir," Rey goes with the cover story Ben had concocted. "I still have contacts there. That's how I got this." In desperation, she fishes into her pocket for the datafile with Leia Organa's memoirs. Rey holds it up for display. "Sir, this is exceptionally valuable. One of a kind. For his eyes only."
That's the wrong thing to say. The general neatly nabs the datafile as four stormtroopers march at double time around corner. They must be the security Hux called for. "Cover her," the general orders as he holsters his own weapon. Digging into his long coat, he produces a datapad and plugs in the datafile.
Rey has never actually looked at the memoirs Ben's mother gave her. She didn't see the point, for no doubt it's a long prosy tome that Rey will struggle to read. For weeks now, she's kept the file on her person at all times, wanting to share it with Ben but uncertain whether that is the right thing to do. Rey fears how he might receive it. And she fears yet again betraying Leia Organa's trust. But here she is handing it over to General Hux himself.
Rey watches as Hux pokes at the datapad. Does he know what he is reading? Isn't it obvious? He pokes again and now Rey realizes to her horror that the datafile contains an introductory hologram message. To her. Rey watches as the elegantly robed figure of Leia Organa in her trademark elaborate hair speaks aloud.
Rey, I'm giving you this because I know that you will safeguard it. You are the future of the Light. With Luke gone, you may well be the hope for us all. I'm giving copies to Threepio and to Poe as well. Use this, share this, learn from this. It is mostly a record of my mistakes and missteps, but there are a few things to be proud of too. It wasn't all bad, even if it ended badly. I tried. Truly, I did.
I've told you this before, but I will say it again: be careful of Ben. There are many reasons why Ben is the way he is. I am partly to blame, as are Luke and Han. It wasn't all Snoke. But with Snoke gone, who knows what Ben will become. Stay far away from him. Don't trust him. Don't try to redeem him again. Kill him if you need to. Ben has had his chances—probably more than he deserved. My son is gone, and I accept that. If he changes, it won't be because anyone persuades him. It will be because he himself wants to change.
Two generations ago, the Empire rose and what remained of the Jedi went into hiding. That is my advice to you now. Learn what you can. Pass it on. And keep the spirit of the Jedi alive. Trust in the Force that things will one day come full circle again and the dark times will end. Luke believed that our father ultimately came to embrace the Light again. Maybe someday, Ben will do the same. But that is not your responsibility, Rey. You can't save him. Only he can save himself.
May the Force be with you always. Godspeed, Rebel Rey.
The hologram fuzzes out. And then begins to play again. This time, Hux ignores it. He's focused entirely on Rey.
"Rey. The Jedi girl's name is Rey," Hux says grimly as he glances down at the fake ID for Renata Solo. He lifts his weapon again to take aim. "Take that hat off, Lieutenant."
"I'm sorry, Sir, but what?" Rey stalls for time. She knows she's about to get caught. Probably shot too. She really wishes she had insisted that Ben teach her to freeze blaster bolts. But, here goes. Rey summons the Force and does her best to concentrate. She knows full well that the moment she reveals she can use the Force, her cover will be blown. But, hopefully, she will live. And if she can just make it to the hangar bay, she might have a fighting chance.
"Take that hat off, Lieutenant, or I will blow it off," Hux orders.
"Yes, Sir." Rey takes a deep breath and reaches up.
"What's going on?" It's Ben's voice modulated through his mask. It's excellent timing, Rey thinks. Well, maybe not perfect timing. For Ben strides up in his full regalia just in time to hear his mother's hologram give Rey permission to kill him. And that's awkward to say the least. But no one present knows that but Rey and Ben. She hopes.
Rey snaps to attention and leaves her hat on as she salutes.
"Lieutenant," Ben complains to Rey, "You're late. I was on the bridge waiting for you."
"Yes, Sir, but as you see, Sir," Rey gestures with her eyes to the four troopers and Hux holding her at gunpoint.
Ben ignores them. He's focused on the hologram. "What is this?"
"This is the intel I told you about, Sir. Stolen from the Jedi girl herself. You'll want to read it, Sir."
"Hand it over." Ben snaps his fingers at her now.
"The General has it, Sir."
"Supreme Leader," Hux begins his explanation.
But Ben cuts him off. "Trigger happy as usual, General? Back off. Solo works for me and she has the requisite clearance. Now, hand the intel over and go do your job." Ben glances over at the accompanying stormtroopers. "All of you, dismissed!"
Accepting the datafile and Rey's fake ID back from Hux, Ben waves open his quarters and strides in. He calls after him, "Get in here, Lieutenant, and report your analysis."
Rey leaps inside, the door closes shut, and Ben immediately locks it with the Force.
"That was close," Rey breathes out as she rips off her hat.
At her side, Ben tears off his helmet. "It was probably bound to happen eventually. Hux's quarters are down the hall. Forget him, what is this?" he demands as he brandishes the datafile under her nose.
"It's your mother's memoirs. She gave me a copy," Rey explains. "It was all I could think of to show Hux that I was here legitimately. I think he thought I was breaking in." Rey's mind is still very much on the close call with Hux. "I thought you said you wanted rid of Hux. You need to fire that guy, Ben."
Ben marches across the room to retrieve his own datapad. "I can't fire Hux yet. He's good and I need him to win the war. Once I win the war, then I will fire him. You don't dump a guy like Hux unless you are in a superior position of strength. He's far too popular."
Yeah, Rey could see that. The guy is on the holonet all the time. "I guess there is the risk he might go start his own First Order," Rey thinks aloud.
Ben looks up at this. "Oh, he's not getting fired in the usual sense. I'm going to kill him. Or make it look like the Resistance killed him. Or maybe that the Jedi girl killed him," Ben smirks. He's loading the datafile on his datapad now. "Were you going to tell me you had this?" he asks her pointedly.
"Eventually." Rey meets his eyes. "I know how you feel about your mother."
The hologram starts playing now. Ben watches it in silence while Rey watches Ben. When it ends, he immediately shuts it off.
"She gave a copy to that fucking Dameron guy," he gripes, making a face. That must not sufficiently vent his anger because now Ben calls his helmet to his hand with the Force. He hurls it hard against the wall and it bounces off. Then, he whirls on her. "So, have you been playing me this whole time?" Ben demands as he pins her with his eyes. "Are you really here to kill me like she wants?"
"You were the one who came to collect me from the Resistance, remember?" Rey counters quietly.
"Yeah, I remember," Ben sighs. He runs a hand through his messy hair. "I remember her with the pilot and the traitor flanking her on both sides."
"Are you going to read her memoirs?"
"I guess. Eventually. Not tonight."
Ben looks so hurt and rejected now. Rey's heart goes out to him. "Maybe we should skip watching the next Palpatine episode tonight," she suggests to change the subject. "I'm not sure I'm up for that tonight."
"Yeah. Me neither. Here." He tosses her the holonet remote with the Force. "Find us something else. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be back."
"Okay. You want dinner?" she calls after him.
"I'm not hungry."
That's not typical. Like the tossed helmet, it betrays how upset Ben is. "Alright," Rey answers softly. Well, she is hungry. Rey starts scrolling down the commissary menu to find something new. There it is. She's been wanting to try that. Rey puts in an order and then sets out to find something mindless and non-political to watch.
Ten minutes later, Ben reappears with wet hair, sporting a T-shirt and pants. He's barefoot and something about that mundane look makes Rey smile. She too has gotten comfortable in the interim. Her jacket and boots are off and Rey's hair is down.
"What's this?" he asks as he spies her on the couch.
"Snacks." She holds up an overflowing bowl. "I ordered popcorn. I've always wanted to try popcorn. Want some?"
"No, but I'll have a beer," he decides, glancing over at the bottles on the table.
"There's beer and root beer."
"Root beer? What are we, age ten?"
Rey just shrugs and takes a swing of hers. "It's good."
Kylo plops down beside her with his beer. "What are we watching? Oh, wait, I've seen this show. It's stupid."
"Yep," Rey agrees through her mouthful of popcorn. "Stupid sounds good tonight, right?"
"I guess."
But the silly show doesn't seem to help either of them relax. Rey keeps glancing over to find Ben staring off into space. He's on his second beer now. Or maybe it's his third. But nothing about his demeanor says he is anything but keyed up still. That hologram of his mother really got to him. Rey feels weird to be the girl who keeps reminding a guy about his mother.
For her part, Rey remains preoccupied with her close brush with discovery by General Hux. She feels especially unnerved by that whole scene coming on the heels of hours spent ruminating on all her doubts about Ben. The whole situation has Rey longing for the simple, black and white problems of Jakku. For as deadly as thirst and starvation were, at least they were issues she could solve. All this risk is making her feel very antsy. Normally, Rey listens to her gut and her gut is telling her to leave. She is running scared tonight.
Rey tells herself that she's not just being frightened away by the developing intimacy between her and Ben. She has legitimate concerns about Ben. It's not just his disconcerting habit of leaping into her head without asking. It's not just his tendency to want to generalize about everyone else's experience based on his own fucked up family. Sure, there's a push pull to living with another person but that's the thing—Ben isn't like a roommate. A roommate doesn't let you cry on their shoulder. A roommate doesn't kiss you breathless and leave you wanting more. A roommate doesn't have you fantasizing about what they look like in the shower. Like the Force bond, all this proximity is making Rey feel more and more comfortable with Ben. She worries that she is being lulled into a false sense of security. For everyone who has ever trusted this man—from his family to Snoke—has ended up dead. What makes Rey think she will be any different than the rest? And, damn, if his danger isn't part of his attraction.
Rey sighs. This is just more confusion she can't resolve. So, she too silently broods while ostensibly watching the holonet. At her side, Ben keeps pounding beers while Rey shovels in popcorn by the handful. This must be what they call nervous eating. And it too is new. Rey has never actually had extra food to eat before. But yeah, this helps. She scoops up another handful to continue mindlessly munching away.
"Gimme some of that," Ben reaches over towards the bowl.
"Here." Rey scoots over and puts the bowl in his lap. "I've already eaten more than my share." But not a minute later, she again reaches over to dip her hand in the bowl. They are side by side and she stays like that. There's a comfort just being next to Ben. Tonight, it feels like a strange disgruntled solidarity.
"You're right, this show is awful," Rey speaks up to break the silence after a bit.
"What?" Ben asks. She has startled him. Clearly, his mind is elsewhere.
"Nothing," Rey answers softly as she stifles a yawn. She's tired tonight. That must be how her head ends up propped against Ben's shoulder. But he doesn't seem to mind.
When the show ends, the nightly First Order newsfeed replays from earlier. It's more triumphant footage of suffering and destruction from Coruscant and Corellia. These worlds are the last remaining holdouts, the newscaster woman gloats. It won't be long before they surrender too. Interspersed in between the carnage are uplifting stories of progress from behind the lines. There are pictures of several new schools being opened in the Rim, all of which will be named in honor of the late great Leader Snoke. There are also new manufacturing ventures in the works and a giant medical complex to be developed in the Mid Rim. For not only will there be law and order in the galaxy going forward, there will be prosperity and opportunity too. The newscaster ends the broadcast reporting that repairs to the First Order's mobile headquarters ship the Supremacy are ahead of schedule. It is apparently a point of pride to get Snoke's famous behemoth ship up and running again ASAP. After all, it is the symbol of the First Order war machine and its de facto capital as well. It won't be long, the newscaster woman imagines, before the Supremacy is back in service parked in orbit above Coruscant. She signs off on that happy note and the screen goes dark.
And that pretty much caps off this bitterly confusing day for Rey. She clicks off the holonet and stands to cross the room. Rey stares blankly out the giant windows at the war zone Coruscant below. Now, she's feeling especially stressed out and a little trapped too.
"This isn't working," Rey says aloud without turning around. It comes out as ominous as it sounds.
"What do you mean 'not working'?" Ben calls over to her.
"I guess I mean . . . " Rey considers confessing everything but then chickens out. "I mean I don't think the answers we need are in Luke's old books." Rey decides to explain her leaving about the books. The books are the reason she's here in the first place.
"So, we'll go look through Vader's holochrons," he suggests.
"No," Rey declines. "I'm not sure there will be any answers for us in the Jedi past."
"Look, no one said this was going to be easy."
Rey turns around to face Ben. Her tone conveys all of her frustration now. "We don't even know what we're looking for."
"We'll know it when we see it."
"I guess," she shrugs. And now, she's done prevaricating. Rey just comes out with it. "I think I should leave. I'm not doing anything useful here. And it's getting more dangerous."
"Leave? You want to leave?" His eyes narrow and he sets down his beer and stands. "You agreed to help me with Snoke."
"I haven't dreamt of Snoke since I got here. You haven't heard from Snoke either. Maybe we were just wrong," she posits. "Maybe he really is dead." Lately, Snoke seems like the least of Rey's threats.
"I know Snoke is alive," Ben tells her firmly. He looks her in the eye. "Search your feelings, Rey. You know it to be true."
"No, I don't," she counters testily. "And Hux is very suspicious now. It was always dangerous here for me but it's getting worse."
"You are safest here where I can intervene on your behalf," Ben shoots back. She can tell by his expression and his crossed arms that he's getting mad. "Have you forgotten that you are public enemy number one? Nowhere in the galaxy is safe for you right now."
"Yeah, I know," Rey concedes. "But I wouldn't go back to the Resistance. You don't have to worry about that. I'll disappear somewhere and lie low. I can take care of myself."
"You're serious," he accuses.
Rey nods. "Yes."
And now, he looks less angry and more scared. "You really want to leave me?" he demands as he stalks towards her across the room.
Well, yes, but Rey wouldn't phrase it quite that way. This is more about self-preservation for her. "Ben, the longer I stay here, the deeper I get with the First Order—"
"That uniform is just a disguise," he interrupts. "It doesn't have to be anything else. I know you hate it."
"I just think it would be best if I didn't have a side in this war. The longer I am here, the more it feels like I am on your side."
"Aren't you on my side?" he asks, looking hurt. "You agreed to help me balance the Force."
"Yes, but I didn't agree to all the rest."
Ben makes a face and she can tell that he is trying to keep his cool. After a long moment, he observes, "My mother's message upset you too."
"Yes." It's true. Watching Leia Organa warn her about Ben had thoroughly unnerved Rey. "Look, I don't want to kill you. I don't want to be your enemy. But I'm not cut out for the First Order. I don't want to support your cause. This started out as opposing Snoke and balancing the Force, and now it feels like it's morphing into something more. And I worry that the longer I stay, this will become . . . " Her voice trails off. Rey fears to say too much.
"This will become what?"
A wet lock of dark hair has fallen over his eyes and Rey is just itching to brush it back. She clenches her hands into fists and resolutely takes a step back. "Uhmmm . . ." she stalls. Because what does she say now?
"We will become friends? Is that it?" he demands. Ben takes a step forward and again Rey steps back. "Afraid you'll become friends with a monster, Rey?" he goads.
"We're not friends," she stammers, searching his eyes for understanding.
And yes, he gets it. "No, we're not."
"We're never going to be friends," Rey whispers out the truth.
"You're right." He staring at her now. Moving into her space and being overly intense. It's classic Ben. He's always a little too eager to press any advantage to get his way. Part of her finds it super annoying. Part of her finds it alluring. Rey doesn't want to be dominated by Ben or any other man. But that doesn't mean she doesn't get a thrill from it. This brooding Dark prince is as exciting as he is maddening.
But right now, he looks blindsided. "You don't get to leave me," Ben half-pleads, half-proclaims.
She looks away. Anywhere but those hypnotic dark eyes that are accusing her and alternating between hurt and rage. "I'll steal a TIE and you'll never—"
"If you leave," he overrides her softly, "I will come for you. I will keep coming back for you again and again. I'm not your faithless family, Rey. I will come back for you." Somehow his threat sounds more like a pledge. "You'll see. I want you even if no one else does. We are destiny, remember?"
And maybe that was supposed to sound menacing, but it doesn't to Rey's ears. "If there wasn't a war going on," she begins miserably. "If we were not the people who we are . . . Maybe, if you hadn't killed Han . . . then . . ."
"Then what?"
"Then we would be friends," she finishes weakly.
Ben steps forward and grabs her upper arms and shakes her roughly. "We're not friends," he hisses as she squirms in his grip. "I don't want to be your friend."
He says this like a warning he thinks she should heed. And maybe she should, but she's not going to. Because as Rey lifts her face up to his, all she can think is 'Is he going to kiss me?' Yes, he's definitely going to kiss her. And, oh, yes! Please make this good. The moment his lips touch hers, Rey surrenders to him. She's not even making a pretense of reluctance as her arms snake up to encircle his neck. Her body steps forward to close the scant distance between them. Now, she is on tip toe pressed up against the full length of him.
Standing in his strong arms, Rey can't help but think that Ben's kiss is everything. Rey has no experience in these matters but she's pretty certain she has that assessment right. Because she could do this forever. This and more. His soft lips, warm breath, and wandering tongue have her sagging into him. Her head is thrown back and his hands are knitted in her hair as she lets him have his way. The kiss goes on and on and she makes no attempt to stop it. For the knowledge that she is wanted is everything for this orphan throwaway girl.
Kylo Ren's kiss is more dangerous than Snoke, more scary than Hux, more threatening than the war ever could be. For this is a temptation Rey is not prepared for and cannot resist. This would-be Jedi is now at great risk of being seduced by the Dark Side of the Force, just not in the usual way. And it's not the glamour of his evil that attracts Rey. She cares nothing for Ben's position and she doesn't lust for his power. Instead, she sees a kindred spirit who wants her help and is all but begging her to care. Rey can't find it in herself to refuse. For Ben Solo seems to have endured as much rejection through the years as she.
Finally, they come up for air. They are both panting as she tucks her head into his shoulder, her face pressed close against the wool of his uniform tunic.
"Forget the Force," he rasps. "Forget the war. Forget Hux and Snoke and my family." He pulls her tighter now. He must be remembering her previous instinct to flee. "Forget everything but us, Rey."
"Can we do that?" she wonders aloud into his chest. She's not sure she can do that, given all that has happened and all that they are. Their differences seem so insurmountable on days like this. It feels like the universe is conspiring to keep them apart. Like she should take the hint and move on. But Rey cannot continue to deny how attracted she is to this man nonetheless.
"I'm tired of solving the problems of the galaxy and having nothing for myself," he tells her and she hears some of her own frustration in his words. "Shouldn't being Supreme Leader entitle me to some fun? And after all that suffering on Jakku, don't you want some happiness too?"
Yes. Yes, she does.
"The Force is complicated, the war is complicated, life is complicated. But can we be simple, Rey? I need something to be easy in my life. So can we just be a guy and a girl and forget all the rest?" His heavy sigh conveys volumes about his years of unrelenting duty to Snoke. "I just want to be happy. For once in my life, I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?"
"No. No, it's not," she whispers. She herself had thought the same thing many a night alone on Jakku.
"Then come to bed."
"B-Bed?" Rey gulps as she pulls back. Because, is he suggesting that she just agreed to-
"You don't have to sleep on my couch. My bed is big enough for two," he hurries to explain. Her face must reveal all of her trepidation because he continues. "You don't have to sleep with me. I just want you to sleep next to me." Ben looks a bit sheepish now. "To be less alone," he admits awkwardly. Then beneath his pale skin, he suddenly blushes bright red. It's so unlike this man to be unsure of himself that Rey is utterly charmed. "I won't bother you. I promise."
"O-Okay," she responds. Because that ought to be alright. They would be just sleeping. Right?
Rey follows Ben into his bedroom, still feeling very uncertain of herself. For peace of mind, she takes her sword. He watches in silence as she tucks it under the pillow. Then, she reconsiders and puts the sword on the bedside table once she looks across and sees that's where Ben has put his own weapon.
"Go to sleep," he tells her. "I'll be in later. I'm going to work a bit first." Ben says this offhand in a way that makes her think he's making it up to get her more comfortable with doing this. And, truthfully, it does.
"Okay." Tentatively, Rey pulls back the covers and slips into bed fully clothed. She can count on one hand the number of nights she has slept in a real bed and not a bunk on the Falcon. Oh, yes, this is nice. Rey is out like a light.
She's not aware when Ben comes to bed. She's not aware of him at all until she wakes the next morning. Somehow during the night, she has rolled onto his side of the bed. He's facing away and Rey is snuggled up right against him. She even has an arm thrown over his bare chest.
"Oh," she breathes out softly, confused how that happened. "Sorry." Embarrassed, she starts to roll away.
But Ben is already awake. He clamps down on her arm. "No, don't go. It's still early. Stay here a bit."
"Uhhhh . . . "
"Don't go away. It's nice."
Yeah, it is kind of nice. And now, it occurs to Rey that, despite all her soul searching to distance herself from Ben, once again she has allowed herself to be drawn deeper in. Because now she's not crashing on his couch, she's sleeping in his bed and waking up entangled in an embrace. Her head tells her this is very dangerous, her gut tells her to run, but her heart wants to stay. This morning, the heart wins. Rey nestles closer and murmurs, "Okay."