"Why don't you just come out with us and then you can drive home for spring break," my roommate cautiously suggests as she sneaks up behind me.

I'm packing a small bag preparing to drive back home to Storybrooke. It's been two and a half months since Regina and I broke up and being here at school has been nothing but torture. I'm barely hanging on but I just keep telling myself that I can't throw this scholarship down the drain.

"I can't Ellie I just...I need to get home," I sigh heavily feeling the weight of the world crushing my hopes and dreams around me.

"Emma, you can't honestly believe she will be there. There's no way she's coming home for spring break. I guarantee her mother has sent her somewhere to work for the week. Even if she hasn't been pushed off somewhere, I highly doubt she's going to come home with you right next door."

I know Ellie is just trying to be a good friend and being honest but her words cut me like a knife to the gut. I feel those stupid tears building quickly in my eyes and I curse myself for not feeling the slightest bit better yet. I thought I was stronger than this.

"I just need to go home," I mumble feeling that large dry lump forming in the back of my throat.

Ellie offers me her half smile that expresses nothing but sympathy. I try my hardest to persuade the muscles in my face to smile back but I can't, I hardly have any energy left. I swing my backpack onto my back and head for the door. Ellie stops me as I reach for the knob and pulls me into a loving hug.

"Drive safe, I love you," she breathes into my hair prompting me to pat her back lightly.

"I will. I love you too." I break apart the hug because physical contact is far too much for me right now. It's just another reminder of how much I miss my ex and her loving arms.

I leave my dorm room without another word and make my way to my yellow bug. I toss my backpack into the passenger side and lay my phone into my lap.

The drive home was pure hell. My mind went over all the ways I could have avoided that stupid fight two and a half months ago. I think about all the things Regina and I could be experiencing together right now. I wonder where she is right now and if she's missing me too. I can't help but wonder if she's seeing someone already. She's too perfect not to find someone right away.

I pulled up to my parent's house around eight o'clock at night. I pull into the driveway and kill the engine. The porch light is shining bright waiting for me to come home. I notice how it's brighter than it's ever been and I'm sure my mother made my dad change it before I came home.

A little voice inside my head is whispering it's taunting pleads to glance to my left. I don't want to. I can't. I rest my forehead against the steering wheel and stare at my dark denim jeans. I know if I look at her house that's only causing more damage to my heart. My eyes drift to the house next door and I instantly hate myself for it. I'm basically just torturing myself at this point.

I climb out of my little bug and before I can even process a simple thought my feet are already walking the path I've walked a million times before to her backyard. I unlock her fence and slip into her yard with ease. I bury my hands into my front hoodie pocket and make sure to scuff my toes against her grass with each angry step I take.

I stand in the middle of her elaborate deck and debate with only myself if I should look up at her window or not. I spot a rock beneath her patio furniture and instantly bend down to pick it up. I hold the rock in my hand, bouncing it lightly in my palm to feel the weight. I run my thumb over each jagged edge as my anger deep inside begins to spread.

I hate her for never responding after two and a half months. I hate her spiteful mother for coming between us. I hate that our love is still considered forbidden to some. I hate myself most of all for ever muttering those words suggesting I didn't want to be with her.

I arch back my arm and chuck the rock just below her window. The rock makes a loud thump causing a mix of emotions to flood through me. Fear her mother might have heard and I would have to face that woman and excitement because I have grown accustomed to seeing the beautiful girl next door after that sound. Much to my disappointment, I don't see her figure lingering in the window. Of course I wouldn't, her light is off and there's no way Regina would be home and have her light off at eight o'clock at night.

These dreadful tears don't have time to linger in my eyes. They fall instantly knowing their routine by now. I wipe at my face furiously, I'm so frustrated with myself for not being over this yet. I take one last look at her window that used to cause my heart to race with excitement and butterflies to flutter in my stomach, but now all that's left is that gut wrenching pain that makes me want to curl up into a tiny ball.

I shuffle my feet back toward my car and retrieve my bag from the passenger side. I slam my door shut taking out all my anger on the poor old car. I trudge my way back to my house scowling the whole way.

"Emma? Is that you? Are you home?" My mother shouts as I hear her footsteps against our stairs.

"Yeah, I'm home," I sigh in defeat. I'm starting to think coming home is worse than being at school.

"Honey!" My mother exclaims with pure joy but her face quickly falls once she takes in my appearance.

I know I look awful, I'm to the point where I don't even want to look in the mirror any longer. I can barely take a bite of any type of food without feeling nauseous. I usually take a bite or two and toss the rest of my meal away. I'm not getting nearly enough sleep to survive on but I've been pushing through. Every time I try to fall asleep, images of Regina cloud my mind leaving me a blubbering mess all over again.

"Emma," my mother gasped as she delicately cupped my cheeks. Her soft thumbs stroked my blotchy cheeks from crying moments ago.

"I know mom," I sigh and drop my gaze to the floor.

"I didn't know your breakup with Regina was effecting you like this." My mother placed a gentle kiss to my forehead silently persuading my tears to fall all over again.

"I just...I can't..." I desperately search for words to convey my heartbreak but nothing is making much sense at this point.

"Ssshhh, relax sweetie. Why don't you head upstairs to your room and I'll make you some soup. You look like you are starving," she comments as her eyes rake over my frail body.

I simply nod my response and trek my way up the stairs. I throw my backpack onto my bed and fish out some sweatpants. I change quickly before my mother barges her way into my room and toss my bag to the floor. I climb into my bed and inhale deeply, taking in my mom's familiar scent.

My eyes are instantly greeted with an oversized picture that Regina had created in art class in high school. It was a photo from when we went bowling with our friends and she snapped some pictures of our bowling shoes. The shoes are arranged in a way to appear like a kaleidoscope. She gave me the project after she won some kind of an award for it.

I bury my face deep into my pillow and pull the covers over my head. When will this pain ever stop? I just want to go back to high school, when I hoped for a bright future with my girlfriend by my side.

"Emma?" My mother called out as she entered my room. She ripped the comforter from my face and sat down on the edge of my bed. "Eat some soup please." She was asking kindly but her voice easily expressed her concern and authority.

I slid up in bed and rested my back against my headboard. I accepted the warm bowl of soup and blew onto a spoonful.

"You still haven't heard from her?" My mom whispers and pushes back a few strands of my unruly hair.

"No." I keep my eyes focused on my soup and begin taking small bites. I can feel the warm liquid descend all the way into my stomach. It's been so long since I've had her home cooked meals.

"Do you think you will see her this week?"

"No," I mutter and shake my head just in case she can't understand my depressing words.

"I'm sure Cora has sent her on another work understudy," my mother sadly exhales and rubs my knee in a soothing motherly way.

I shrug my shoulders and take another bite of soup. "I'm sure even if Cora didn't, she wouldn't come home anyways because of me."

"You and Regina are both very young, you have your whole life ahead of you. This is perfectly normal, couples fight, they break up, they get back together. Emma you have to see what else is out there, otherwise you will never be certain when the right one comes around."

"But I am certain. She is my forever mom! She's my soulmate."

"Well if that's true, then you just have to be patient. She'll come back. You have to fight everyday for love, it's not perfect...it's not a fairytale baby."

"I know," I croak out as more tears spill freely down my cheeks.

"You need to start taking care of yourself. Do you see the dark circles and bags under your eyes? Did you even notice how much weight you've lost?" I cry even harder feeling ashamed that I left myself come to this. "You need to start eating better and you need some sleep. This week, I want you resting and eating, that's it. Do you understand me?"

I nod while sniffling and wiping my nose across my sleeve. I know my mom is right and I know I need to start moving on from Regina. I've apologized, I've begged, I've pleaded and she hasn't even had the decency to text me back.

"I love you Emma and I promise you, you will get through this. If you and Regina do decide to work things out and get back together then this break up will be a positive influence on your relationship. If you two decide to go your separate ways for good then this will only make you stronger in life."

I listen to my mother's words and this time I actually take them into consideration. This is just another mile stone in life that I must get through, one way or another.

I decided to wake up early, have a nice breakfast, shower and actually do my hair to help make myself feel better or at least trick myself into thinking I'm feeling better.

After I was all ready for the day I knew I had to pop in next door. I really didn't think Regina would be there but I had to at least try, otherwise my entire spring break would be consumed with curious thoughts of her being home or not.

As I walked across my driveway and onto hers, my stomach was tossing and turning. I wrapped my arms tightly around my abdomen in a lame attempt to keep my breakfast down. My fists were balled up tight to prevent the uncontrollable trembling my hands were doing.

When I reached The Mills doormat, I took a deep breath and sighed heavily. This used to be a place I ran to, a place where I felt at home and safe because of Regina, despite the nasty witch who lived inside. This was always a second home to me and now...now it's a place I can hardly look at. A place where my hopes and dreams of a beautiful future have withered away into nothing but an empty hole of emptiness.

I pressed my finger to the doorbell and took a step back needing a little space before Cora arrived. The heavy door popped open just a smidgen for Cora to peek through the gap.

"Emma," she coldly stated my name just like she has since Henry has passed. I try to gulp down my anxiety and hide my hands behind my back to she doesn't see just how nervous I am. Cora opens the door a little wider and steps into the doorway. "May I help you?"

"Hello Mrs. Mills, I was just wondering if Regina was going to be home this week. I know she's been busy with school lately so I haven't had a chance to see her or talk to her," I lie out my ass while I stand in front of my ex's mother.

Her beady eyes drift up and down my body and I can only assume she's judging my appearance. I did my very best to hide any remaining dark circles from underneath my eyes before I came over here.

"I'm sorry dear, Regina is staying in New York with my sister in law." This woman actually sounds pleasant right now as she speaks to me but I'm sure she's just pleased to know her daughter hasn't been galavanting around with me and is focusing on her studies.

"Oh well that's alright," I fake my best smile and anxiously intertwine my fingers behind my back. "Would you mind if I left her a silly little note. I don't want to bother her while she's busy in New York, so maybe I can leave her a note of encouragement for when she returns home?"

Cora nods while opening the door further granting me permission to step inside. I smile kindly and slip passed the woman for the staircase.

Regina's bedroom door was wide open with the morning sun shining brightly through her window. Her lavender walls are more vibrant than I remembered. A sad smile graces my face as I slowly walk around her room. I can't even look at that window because too many beautiful memories would attack my mind.

I hurry to her desk and find a scrap piece of paper and pen. I write some corny message for her mom to see because if I know Cora, she's going to read this message the moment I'm out of her house.

Congrats on an awesome opportunity in New York at a killer law firm. Super proud of you girl!

I leave this note out on top of her desk for her mother to easily find. I tap the back end of the pen against her desk as I try to figure out what I really want to say. I know I don't have time so I have to make this quick.

Just in case you decide on changing your mind, I'll always leave my light on for you to come home. No matter where I go, my house will be lit up so you can find your way home, to me.

I fold the piece of paper in half and toss the note inside her top drawer knowing one day she fill find it and she will know who wrote it. I'm the only one who knows about her irrational fear of the dark.

I bounce down the stairs toward Cora who is still standing in the same spot I left her. "Thanks so much Mrs. Mills tell Regina I say hi."

"Have a nice spring break dear." Cora coldly responds as she shuts the door behind me.

As much as I want to drive to New York and track down my ex, I know that's not healthy and I have to begin working on myself.