Yay serious stuff. ._. Next chapter will be stupid again, I promise.

Since this is a short (and annoying) chapter I got the idea to write an explanation of where this story came from and the like. I typed it all out, then deleted it, coz I don't think you care, lol.

And I just remembered I promised you chibis… They're drawn, just not coloured.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Love you guys very much. Sorry if I don't reply to all your comments DD: I can never remember if I have or not, but I try.

Characters belong to their respective owners. Ragnarok © Gravity

It was with a heavy mind that Keiran collected his new shield from the impatient blacksmith (he realised as he handed his 800k over that he was lucky to still have any money at all after rejecting a rogue's advances) and made his way back to the castle. Unprepared to face anyone just yet, he entered through a side door into the laundry and made to sneak up to his room when he had a sudden compelling urge to visit the chapel.

It was empty, and peaceful; the sound of the birds outside just audible through the stained glass windows. Slowly he walked up the aisle and lay his shield down on one of the wooden pews near the front and turned to face the cross above the altar, suddenly nervous.

I suppose I should do this properly... Keiran thought, and knelt before the altar, bowing his head and resting it on his folded hands. Somewhere in the castle a group was practising their singing; their gentle voices only added to the strange sense of peace he was feeling.

And he prayed. He prayed silently, but long and hard, asking for forgiveness and the strength to resist further temptation. He prayed that Saphira too could forgive him, and that somehow they could work things out.

After getting all of the heavy things off his chest he prayed for his friends and family, that they'd be safe and happy, and for other less pressing things that presented each other to him one after another.

It was a long time before he muttered an amen and raised his head to gaze at the crucifix and the figure nailed to it. It had been a while since he had prayed so strongly... It felt kind of good. But not as fulfilling as he had thought it might be. But it wasn't God he really wanted forgiveness from, was it? It was Saphira. But how could he achieve forgiveness unless he told her what he had done? He couldn't tell her. Surely she would hate him for it... Surely.

Could he tell anyone? No, maybe it was safer not to. It could stay a secret between him and Eilk. His heart sunk with a horrid thought, would Eilk tell her? No, that was stupid. Eilk didn't know Saph, and why would she anyway?

He dragged himself to his feet reluctantly and turned around. And did a double-take.

Kuronosu was seated in the front row, his hands resting lightly on his armoured knees as he gazed at the window.

"Good afternoon, Sir." Keiran said politely, recovering from his initial surprise. How long had he been sitting there? Had he been there the whole time, or just recently come in?

"Good afternoon, Keiran." Kuronosu said lightly, fixing his bright eyes on the swordsman, watching him. "If you don't mind me saying so, you look troubled."

"I... have a lot on my mind, Sir." Keiran muttered.

Kuronosu smiled kindly. "If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here."

Keiran paused as he made to pick up his shield. Why would the second most powerful man in the guild want to hear about the comparatively mundane problems of a lowly swordsman? Why was he always so open to them? When he had so many problems of his own? Maybe... Maybe hearing about these little issues was refreshing after dealing with guild problems and murders and other serious things.

But there was something about the Paladin, in the way he sat, the way he looked at you with those gentle brown eyes... It was like he really did want to help in any way he possibly could. It reminded Keiran of Darius. They both shared the same comforting, peaceful feeling that made you want to stay near them... Made you want to spill out all of your problems, just to hear them say a comforting word or two.

Keiran sat down on the bench, some distance from his teacher, and looked sideways at him. What could he say? Could he really tell this man everything? No, probably not.

"You don't have to tell me anything if you don't wish to" Kuronosu said, and sighed softly. "However, I do find that telling someone can lighten the burden... Just as I find that coming here" he gestured around the chapel, "can relieve stress and leave you with a clearer head." He smiled at Keiran.

He kept his gaze on the altar, thinking for a moment, and then said, "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

Kuronosu inclined his head. "You may."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

A look of understanding appeared on his handsome face, just as it always did on Darius'. "Yes, I do."

This didn't surprise Keiran. The Paladin might have been single at the start of the year, but he was far too popular to stay that way for long.

"Is she... a crusader?" he asked.

"No." Kuronosu said, seeming very slightly surprised that Keiran was asking him these things. "No, she's a High Priest."

"Do you see her often?"

"Keiran," he started, then paused and looked at his student, taking in his rather vacant stare and the way he slumped in his seat. "No. I usually only see her once a week, at church."

"Do you love her?"

"Yes. Very much."

Do you ever find yourself wanting someone else? Keiran wanted to ask, but he knew that he had asked too much, too many personal questions, and stopped himself, staring at the far wall.

Kuronosu watched him carefully for a moment. "Keiran... Whatever it is that's on your mind, just try talking to her about it. And if it's not something you can tell her, tell someone else that you trust." he tilted his head to see Keiran's face through his fringe. "And you can always tell God, if you haven't already. He won't be burdened by what you have to say, and He listens and won't judge you. He might not give you a direct answer as your friends might, but He will give you one in some way." The Paladin got laboriously to his feet and squeezed Keiran's shoulder gently, smiling. "Have faith."

With his face this close, Keiran could see the fine wrinkles between his brows and across his forehead, now deeper than the smile lines beside his heavily shadowed eyes – he was exhausted. He, unlike the rest of the guild, didn't get time off. He was expected to keep working, when it was he who needed the break more than anyone.

Keiran wondered what he was really thinking, what was bothering him most at the moment. Was he looking forward to seeing his girlfriend tomorrow? Was he nervous about announcing the exam results? It didn't show in his eyes, where there was only understanding and kindness as he looked into Keiran's.

Somehow, Keiran felt a lot closer to his teacher, not just physically, but emotionally, as if he had crossed the wall that divided them as teacher and student and made them instead comrades, despite the difference in age and rank... He doubted Kuronosu felt the same way.

The Paladin gripped his shoulder once more and stood upright, as if to leave.

Keiran started, suddenly wanting to tell him everything. He opened his mouth to tell him to wait, and closed it a moment later, embarrassed. He couldn't tell his teacher that he really needed sex- that was just so very wrong. And what if he got the wrong idea?

Kuronosu meanwhile had picked up Keiran's mirror shield and was checking it over closely, running his fingers up the rather sharp edges and hoisting it to test the weight. He looked from it to Keiran. "Did you buy this?"

"Yes, Sir." Keiran said, slightly guiltily. Was he going to get in trouble for it? Were they maybe not allowed to buy their own gear? Wait, that was a stupid thought.

"It's a good shield for you." Kuronosu said, laying it back on the bench. "I must ask that you don't use it in practice duels though... I think everyone would like to keep their jaw attached to their face, and with an edge like that..." he let the thought hang.

"Yes Sir."

"Well then. I think I've spent quite enough time hiding from my duties, I should probably tackle that pile of paperwork I've been putting off for the last month..." Kuronosu frowned at the roof, and then shot a smile at Keiran again. "Roast chicken for dinner tonight, don't be late."

Keiran blinked. That was a rather random thing to say out of the blue. "Yes Sir." He flailed internally, feeling like he should say something more. "Um, thank you."

The Paladin looked surprised. "Thank me? What for?"

"For... everything." Keiran muttered, trying not to trip over his next words. "I think you're a really great teacher... I've learnt so much from you."

Kuronosu's surprise disappeared and his eyes crinkled as he smiled a deep smile that didn't quite disguise how much Keiran's simple words meant to him.

"And..." Keiran added in a quiet voice, "thank you for trying to help me."

"It's what I'm here for." Kuronosu replied, his voice very soft. "It's part of my job to make sure everyone's happy." He frowned suddenly and stared at the far wall. "What is that awful racket?"

Indeed, there was a very strange noise emitting from the wall at the back of the chapel - like a high pitched wailing.

Kuronosu rubbed his temples and sighed. "I think someone is trying to reach a pitch they can't actually sing. I think I should go stop them before they break something... Excuse me."

Keiran watched him until the Paladin and his swirling cape were completely out of sight and then got up and collected his shield. He wasn't sure what interrogating Kuronosu had achieved, but he felt better for it, somehow. Or maybe it was just because Kuro had been so kind, even though he didn't know what the real problem was. As he headed upstairs, he wondered what Kuronosu would think of him if he did know the problem. It was hard to imagine. Maybe he would be disapproving, but offer support anyway..? Keiran didn't know.

He made it up to his room without meeting anyone and after making sure his shield was positioned stably against the wall, collapsed onto bed. It was only like 3pm; he had heaps of time until dinner, until he had to face Saphira, but this was no comfort. He wanted more than ever to see her.

He passed the next couple of hours sprawled on his bed flicking through a weaponry catalogue, comparing and contrasting various swords. It was boring, but it kept him busy. Occasionally he would stop and stare at the door, thinking he should go find someone, but he still didn't feel like dealing with people, a very unusual thing for him. He wondered where Darius had gone, but as his jacket was over their chair, he must have got home safely... He was probably helping with dinner or something.

At 5pm Keiran tossed the magazine onto a pile of novels in the corner and heaved himself up to go for a shower – his hair was feeling decidedly greasy after its soaking earlier. As he approached the bathroom door, he heard a very familiar voice drifting up the stairs. Saphira. Keiran's heart raced, and before he could think about it, he had darted inside the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.

Outside, Saphira's voice got louder as she approached, and then Astarte said something, and they both laughed until their voices had faded completely.

Keiran breathed out slowly. She was happy. That was good. Maybe they could just keep going as if nothing had happened. Well, maybe she could, but...

His thoughts turned to Eilk as he undressed and stepped into the shower.

Why had she done that..? Why had she been so... provocative? She hadn't seemed that... for lack of a better word, slutty, last time they had met at the dead branch event. She had seemed perfectly normal then. In fact, Keiran remembered thinking she didn't seem at all like a stereotypical rogue. But today... he chewed his lip as his insides burned with rekindled desire for the rogue as he recalled everything.

Why did she make him feel this way? He was in love with Saphira, and since he had realised that, he hadn't been interested in any other girl – he had only wanted her. But Eilk... she had wound him up so easily and he hardly knew her! Or was it because he didn't know her that she had that effect on him? Frustrated, he rubbed the shampoo into his hair with extra force. Did he feel that because she was practically a stranger that it would be okay to screw her? He frowned at his logic. He hadn't though. He had only touched her. But that was bad enough in itself...

He let the shower rinse the shampoo out without his help, his palms against the shower wall and his head hanging as the water and soap cascaded around him.

What would have happened if he had had sex with her? What would have happened if Eilk hadn't just stood there? What if she had kissed him? He wouldn't have been able to stop himself... But why had she not acted? She had waited for him. Why?

Then he imagined himself kissing her, her arms around his neck as he pressed into her; her breathing harsh against him-

He swallowed, trying to ignore the throbbing below, his breath coming quickly. He couldn't think like this. He couldn't. Eilk was no one. A stranger. She wasn't important. If he was going to think like this about anyone, it should be Saphira.

But she doesn't want to sleep with me.

And even if she did it wouldn't be the same. He wouldn't be able to let himself go with her. He would have to be careful, slow. Yesterday this hadn't seemed like a problem, but today... Eilk... she had seemed like she knew what she was doing. She had deliberately gone out of her way to wind him up, making him want her so bad he was bound to be rough.

"Urrgh." he managed. He was shaking. Shaking with shame and disgust and guilt and desire.

He couldn't go on like this. What if he started lusting after every girl he saw? Every guy even? It wasn't right. He felt so sick with himself. He was doubting his love for Saphira, and it hurt. Like his heart was being torn from him. His fists clenched against the wall. He couldn't lose her for this reason! He had to keep control of himself, keep his lust in check! For her sake.

'Just give it a try, you won't regret it.' Blank's words came back to him suddenly, and Keiran stared at the wall between his shaking fists with wide eyes.

Was it really that simple..? Would it help him keep Saph..?

Drawing a shaky breath, Keiran made his decision.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

As no one knew that he had been going for a shower nobody asked why he had taken significantly longer than usual when he came down for dinner. It was probably a good thing too – Keiran didn't think he could handle Blank's knowing sneer if he found out Keiran had actually taken his advice.

And he did feel better now, a lot less tense and more like himself as he slipped into his seat between Darius and Saphira, his mouth watering as the delicious smell of roast chicken wafted over to him.

He pushed thoughts of food aside for a moment and considered his girlfriend. She had looked up when he had sat down, but other than that she had done nothing... But she didn't seem to be upset at all. Usually he would peck her on the cheek, but... Maybe he should just give her a hug, or even just say hi..?

Her hand was on the bench between them, Keiran noticed. He glanced at the side of her face and gently ran his hand over hers; in response she twisted it around and threaded her fingers between his. Keiran heart soared – she didn't hate him! She still cared! He told himself he was being stupid – she had no reason to hate him – she didn't know what he had done, but it had no effect. He swelled with love for her. He could make this work- he would make it work.

"I love you." he whispered in her ear as he shuffled closer.

She nuzzled against him gently. "I love you too."

Keiran smiled into her hair, everything seemed so fine now.

And then Kuronosu got to his feet to remind them about church and the fancy dinner tomorrow, and to lead them through grace.

Darius caught Keiran's eye and, with a meaningful glance at Saphira, he smiled. Keiran smiled widely back.

"Did you get your book?"

"Of course." Darius held it up for him to see. This one had a forest drawn on the front with a beautiful lady riding a white horse through it. It looked about the same as every other book Darius showed him. "I saw you got your shield. How was Eilk?"

"Fine." Keiran said, trying to sound casual. "She had to leave a little after you did, so we didn't talk much more."

Saphira looked at him questioningly.

"Eilk's a rogue we met at the dead branch event." he supplied. "Helped us a lot with the assassin monster and his poison."

"Ohh..." Saphira said, still holding Keiran's hand as she served up chicken for both of them. "Did you visit her today?"

"Nah, we just bumped into her." Keiran said, and made an effort to steer the topic away from her. "Where did you and Star disappear off to?"

"We went to visit her parents."

"Ooh. Do they live in Prontera?"

"Yeah, her mum's a Champion with the guild so she has to stay near the abbey."

Keiran stared past Saphira at Astarte, who narrowed her eyes at him slightly.

"What?" she managed through a mouthful of potato.

"Your mum's a champ?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, so?"

"Wow that's so badass."

"How is that badass?" Astarte rolled her eyes.

"Champs are badass."

"Champs aren't badass." Kiba contributed from opposite. "Rogues are badass."

"Blank's dad's a rogue." Keiran said, looking at him thoughtfully. "You can tell."

Blank was slouching on the bench, making it look a lot more comfortable than it really was and was attacking a chicken leg with much enthusiasm and little care.

Kiba nodded in agreement.

"What's your dad do, Star?"

"He's a wizard." she replied briefly, pouring herself a glass of orange juice.

Keiran blinked. "That makes no sense."

"Why?"

"A wizard and a champ, producing a paladin?"

She shrugged. "Well what're you then?"

"Mum's a Professor, dad's a Creator." he thought about it. "Actually I don't make sense either."

"No, you don't." Astarte agreed.

"Take a guess at me." Kiba said with a grin.

Keiran observed him through narrowed eyes for a moment, trying to cut his chicken without looking and with only one hand. "Aaaa priest aaand... a blacksmith?"

Kiba shook his head. "Wrong and wrong. Dad's a bard, mum was a paladin."

Keiran had enough sense not to ask about the use of the past tense with his mother. "Can you sing then?"

He coloured, shooting a glance at Yule over the other side of the hall with the other group. "I- not really. My brother can though – he's a bard too."

Bards. Keiran thought, surprised. He didn't see any similarities between Kiba and the bards and clowns he'd seen. He wasn't particularly romantic, dramatic or creative, which seemed to be prominent characteristics with the entertainers. He must be a Paladin through and through.

He wondered whether everyone had something of their parents' job in them, and found himself staring at Match – the hardest guy to read of any of them.

"Professor." he decided.

Match looked up, caught Keiran's eye and grinned. "Good guess."

Keiran beamed.

"My father was a Professor. Mum never joined a guild – she's a chef."

"Ooh." Keiran said. Past tense again. It seemed that quite a few of his friends had broken families. It made him think about his own. He had always taken for granted that he had both parents and a brother. He'd never really considered what it might be like to have grown up without a father or as an only child, or to have one or both parents ripped from his life without warning. Maybe he should go visit...

"I dunno what my mum did." Blank contributed, dropping a thoroughly gnawed bone onto his plate. "She fucked off with some other dude after I was born – dumped me on my old man."

No one had anything to say to that, but Keiran couldn't help but wonder if his mother walking out had in some way contributed to his sexuality.

"What about your mother, Darius?" Saphira asked.

Darius smiled softly as he looked up from his book but Keiran could see the hidden pain in his eyes now he knew it was there. "I don't know if she was ever part of a guild – she's never said." And that seemed to be all he was going to say on the matter as he immediately returned to his novel.

"Arthur?" Keiran prompted. For once Arthur seemed to be keeping up with the conversation, his blue eyes flicking to each person as they spoke. It was interesting seeing him so alert at dinner for once. He must have had a good day.

"Um. Mum's a priestess, my dad's a Champion." He frowned at his plate as if it was offending him somehow. "I'm glad the instructors here are nicer than him..." he blinked, looking horrified with himself, and glanced around the hall as if his father might be standing there listening.

Intrigued by this snippet into the life of Arthur, Keiran leaned forward and put his head in his hand as he gazed intently at the poor guy. "Do go on." He ignored Darius' killer glare.

Arthur dropped his knife with a clatter. "Um. Dad is... uuh, I don't think he likes me very much."

Keiran forced his expression into one of greatest sympathy.

"He's never happy with anything I do." Arthur looked depressed. "I try..."

"It shouldn't matter what he thinks." Keiran said, sitting up. He was thinking he could see some similarities between Arthur's father and Darius', and in the way their sons had turned out. "It's your life; you do what the hell you like."

"Damn straight." Blank said, waving a chicken bone in the air. "Next time he says he don't like something, tell him to get fucked."

Keiran grinned at him, but he doubted Arthur was going to take an advice from him. Indeed, Arthur was now looking at Blank as if he might at any moment leap across the table and rape him. Blank noticed, and sneered nastily; Arthur shuffled further down the bench away from him.

Feeling somewhat enlightened by the revelation of his friend's parent's jobs, and just feeling a lot lighter than he had been recently, Keiran didn't leave the dinner table until well after most of the guild had departed and the dishes had been cleared away. And then it was with Saphira on his arm and the prospect of sharing a bed with her that he headed upstairs to get ready for the night.

He actually hummed to himself as he washed his face. This caused Blank at the next sink over to form a strange expression which involved his eyebrows being contracted in a frown, but yet raised, at the same time as he smiled awkwardly. He looked very strange, and Keiran laughed, then laughed at himself for laughing.

"Right." Blank said, and continued combing his hair out. "I won't even ask what you've been fuckin' smoking."

Keiran grinned and squeezed far too much toothpaste onto his toothbrush. He found this very amusing too.

"I wouldn't get too close to that retard," Blank cautioned Kiba as they passed each other in the doorway, jerking his head in Keiran's direction. "He's a bit loco."

Kiba looked at Keiran, who grinned widely and waved, toothpaste all around his mouth.

"I'll be careful." Kiba said slowly and moved around Blank to stand in front of the sink. Keiran grinned at him in the mirror as Blank shook his head and departed.

"..." said Kiba, rubbing at his chin.

Keiran washed off his toothbrush, humming.

"Um."

Noticing a slight uncertainty in Kiba's tone, Keiran stopped his humming and looked at him. He looked very small and shy all of a sudden, like he had done on their first day as swordsmen, and Keiran realised just how much he missed spending time with him.

"I... just wanted to say..." Kiba said carefully, fiddling with his toothbrush. "Thanks. For um, your advice. About Yule." He shot Keiran a glance in the mirror.

Keiran smiled. "That's quite alright, dude." Anything to get her off my back. "Did you get her attention then?"

Kiba smiled back, now looking relieved. "Yeah, I guess so. We spent today together."

"Good work." Keiran returned his attention to his hair.

"And um. Sorry." he muttered. "For being such a dick to you recently."

His hands hovering at either side of his head, Keiran paused. "That's alright. I don't blame you, really." It must have sucked suddenly being left out... Darius and Arthur didn't need someone to keep them busy, so they didn't mind that Keiran spent so much time with Saphira, but Kiba would be bothered by it... He felt guilty. "I'm sorry too."

"It's okay... Er, d'you think maybe. I dunno... We could go hang out sometime?"

Keiran pondered this. "Yeah... Yeah, I'd like that." He grinned. "No girls?"

"No girls." Kiba agreed, a smile creeping up his face.

"Deal." he finished raking his hair flat and tidied up his space at the bench – most of them had long since given up dragging their stuff to and from the bathroom every morning and night. This of course came with the risk of having your products tampered with, but it was a risk most were willing to take. "See you in the morning."

"See ya." Kiba said, swilling out the sink.

Keiran grinned at him on the way past and headed for the spare room.

Saphira was already in bed, the covers pulled up around her shoulders.

Suddenly unsure of how he should behave and what he should say, Keiran cautiously slid in beside her and as he did so, she rolled over to look at him, her expression neutral. He opened his mouth to say something, but words failed him completely, as they often did when she was so near. So he just gazed into her eyes, and then, very slowly, reached out and pulled her close.

"I'm so sorry..." he whispered into her hair. Maybe, maybe somehow she would understand what he had done, without him having to explain it..? Maybe she would forgive him... "I'm really sorry..."

She wrapped her arms around him tightly. "You don't need to apologise."

"Yes I do."

Pulling back slightly, she looked at him, her expression a little concerned; he met her gaze despondently.

"I nearly did something... that would have hurt you," he muttered, looking away, "I never wanted- I don't want to hurt you, ever." He was saying what he wanted to say, what had been on his mind, but would she pick up that he wasn't talking about last night?

She blinked at him, "Keiran, I-"

"So... I just wanted to say sorry." he said, swallowing painfully. "From the bottom of my heart." I won't do it again...

"... Keiran..." Saphira breathed, "I... don't know why... Why are you-? It's okay, really. I forgive you."

Keiran closed his eyes and pulled her close again. She said it. She might not have any idea what he was really apologising for, but she said it... She forgave him. And he was freed from the guilt, the feeling of betrayal. Thank you... "I love you, so much..."

Her hands tightened their hold on his back as she cuddled up to his chest. "I love you too."

"And..." Keiran said. There was one more thing he wanted to say, if only he could get the words out... "I-I'm willing to wait forever for you."

Saphira stayed quiet for a long time. "I- Thank you... I just hope... you don't have to wait that long."

They lay in silence for a while; so long that Keiran felt his eyelids starting to droop.

"Keiran..?" Saphira whispered.

"Mm?"

"... never mind."

"What is it?" Keiran prised one eye open to look down at her.

He felt her swallow against his chest. "...goodnight kiss?"

Keiran chuckled softly, "go on then."

She pulled herself up and kissed him tenderly, her hands soft against his face, and Keiran returned the kiss just as gently, trying to express his love for her through it. It was a long kiss, filled with meaning, to Keiran at least. He was first to draw back, but rested his forehead against hers and breathed her in for a long moment as she stroked his cheeks, her eyes lightly closed. Then he kissed her again, longing for the taste of her, to commit it to memory. Still he remained gentle.

She broke the kiss this time, gazing into his eyes. He smiled softly and she nuzzled into his neck, arranging her arms around his chest with a very quiet sigh.

Keiran, overwhelmed by the emotions and unspoken messages he had received through their kiss and from her eyes, held her close, feeling that tonight had quashed any doubts they might have had in their love for each other, and left them closer than ever.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\