Author's note: I don't own Narnia, it is all C.S. Lewis'. Bombshell at the end of this chapter. Fair warning. More explanation to follow, but I'm just telling you now! Read/review!

"Christina? Christina!" a familiar voice yelled.

My head shot up and I stopped calling for Edmund.

"I doubt she is in this part of the castle, my lord," another familiar voice sounded.

"She doesn't know her way around yet, she could be anywhere," he brushed off Ari's comment and continued yelling my name. I didn't know if I wanted him to find me or not. As much as I wanted to be with him, I couldn't. Not so soon after my friends had left.

I needed to be alone.

The footsteps got closer and closer. His voice grew louder and louder. Despite my yearning to be alone, I didn't move. I just closed my eyes and went back to chanting Edmund's name, quieter now.

"Christina!" Caspian gasped as he finally reached where I was.

I didn't look up. He couldn't see me in this state.

"Christina, you had me scared to death! I didn't see you when the gathering was over and none of the servants knew where you were. How long have you been here?"

"Edmund," I whispered.

He remained silent for the longest time. I had begun to think he left me. But then he dismissed Arianna, telling her he would take me to my room; he took a seat on the cold stone beside me. A sigh escaped his lips.

"Christina…" he trailed off.

"Edmund's gone, Caspian. He's gone…and I'll probably never see him again."

A painful sob left me after I finished speaking. I had just said it out loud. That made it real. That made it final. The words hung in the air, almost taunting me. I tried my hardest to take them back, but they stayed out in the open, laughing at my misery.

He didn't speak.

What was there to say after such a declaration as that?

Instead, he scooted closer and wrapped both his arms around me. Without any sign of warning, he pulled me into his lap. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest, crying even harder.

Edmund would have chuckled at this.

I probably would have been freaking out too, if I weren't so god damn distressed over Edmund.

That stupid boy, he ruined everything.

The sleeve of my dress slid down my shoulder as I shifted my weight and readjusted myself so I would make Caspian less uncomfortable. He pulled me close, patted my back, and snuggled his nose against my neck, his skin touching my own; his breath sending tingles along the skin of my bare neck.

He held me while I cried, whispering sweet nothings into my ear.

I didn't know how long we sat like that. But by the time I had cried myself sick Caspian was tired looking, and extremely quiet. He was probably half asleep.

I sniffled, wiping my nose and attempting to get up.

His arms tightened around my waist and his eyes narrowed, staring at me as I tried again. He merely shook his head and straightened up, leaning his back against the wall and turning me so I faced him directly.

"I'm so sorry, Christina," he whispered, his eyes brimming with tears.

And that's when it hit me.

How selfish was i?

Caspian was hurting too.

"oh Caspian!" I cried, securing my arms tightly around him as more tears leaked from my eyes.

"I didn't even think about it. I'm so sorry, I'm so selfish! You must be in so much more pain than I am, you lost Susan! Oh god, Caspian, you don't have to comfort me! I should be comforting you!" I rambled, looking at his eyes.

He winced when I said Susan's name.

"No! Do not apologize. You lost the one you love."

"he was more than that," I told him, hugging him again, "he was my best friend."

"Come, dear Christina. You must be exhausted."

He didn't see me shake my head feebly or hear any of my protests as he stood, holding me bridal style, and carried me through the many halls and staircases, to where my chamber was. My eyes landed on the door beside my own.

Never Again would Edmund walk out of that room.

And just when I thought I had run out of tears, more appeared.

Caspian opened my door with one hand, not even shaking or wavering as he held me with his other free hand, and carried me to my bed. After setting me down, he silently went to the wardrobe and removed a nightgown.

When he came back he handed it to me and turned around.

Through my tears, I couldn't help but roll my eyes at the fact that, out of all the nightgowns I had in my wardrobe, he randomly selected the one that showed the most cleavage and was considerably shorter than the rest.

"uh…caspian.." I muttered, looking down.

He turned to look at me questioningly.

"I um….i need help….unlacing it…" I told him sheepishly, blushing.

He gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down in his throat. I closed my eyes and moved closer to him, sticking out my abdomen while trying to ignore how dangerously close his hands were to my chest as he gracefully untied the front knots.

"There you are," he stated, turning back around.

I cleared my throat and he once again turned around.

"I need you to do the back too," I managed to choke out.

I felt my cheeks turn bright red as I slowly pulled the over-dress off and turned; shivering, I realized the reason why I had put something over this part of the dress earlier in the day.

It was partially see-through.

I silently thanked god that he was facing my back and not my front as he quickly untied the knots, letting the dress fall from my shoulders. I couldn't turn, I just counted to ten before taking the dress off and slipping the nightgown over my head, hoping he'd turned back around.

"um, thanks," I said once I had finished dressing myself.

"Christina…" he trailed off again as he turned to look at me.

My heart beat sped up immensely as I saw his eyes look me up and down several times before he settled his eyes on the ground. I couldn't find it in myself to find even the tiniest inkling of hope that maybe he thought I was pretty.

He was, after all, still a guy. A guy that had just lost the girl he loved, nonetheless.

"It's going to be weird, going to sleep knowing that you and I are the only ones in this hallway now," I sighed, taking a seat on my bed and patting the spot next to me, gesturing him over.

"It is, isn't it?" he agreed as he sat down.

"Thank you, Caspain," I breathed, staring at the side of his face, analyzing every single feature.

"For what, milady?"

"For earlier. You really didn't have to sit there and suffer through that. The fact that you stayed anyways, and didn't even mention that you probably had more reason to be upset than I did, means a lot to me," I told him.

"You had every reason in the world to be upset," he growled.

"So did you. But you stayed strong."

"So did you."

A cruel, humorless laugh sounded from my lips at his words. He had to be kidding. Running off and hiding in a secluded corner of the castle; bawling my eyes out over one of my friends was definitely NOT what I considered strong.

"You have been strong and brave for so long, Christina. I am surprised it took this long for you to break down," he informed me.

"You must be blind if you think I've been strong or brave even once since you and I met."

"You handled that war, the battle, better than I think any girl really could. Even better than Susan or Lucy," he insisted. I rolled my eyes scornfully.

"Caspian, I was having a panic attack in the middle of the field. I even debated running."

I didn't, however, go as far as to tell him that it was he who kept me from doing so. That it was my thoughts of him that kept me on that battlefield. He who kept me fighting even after I was injured. It was all due to him.

"But you didn't," he breathed, looking at me.

"Get some sleep, milady, we've got a lot of work ahead of us now that the kings and queens are no longer here." I thought his words would bring more tears to my eyes, but they didn't.

Finally, I had been cried out. There were no more tears in my system.

"Goodnight, Caspian. Thank you, for everything. I'm sorry you had to put up with me like that."

"I'm not," he answered, leaning forward and placing his lips against my forehead, "Goodnight."

As I laid in my bed that night, I thought of Edmund. Of course, he was my best friend. Not only in Narnia, he was probably a better friend to me than anyone I had met back in New York too. But could that explain why I was feeling the way I was feeling?

He didn't die.

Something inside me tugged at my heart, and I yearned to know what it was that was causing me this much pain. I had friends move away before, but none of that had prepared me for this feeling.

You love him.

As a friend, yeah.

No Christina, real love.

My breath flew out of me like a ton of bricks had been dropped on my chest. Suddenly everything made sense. Of course I loved Edmund. Why else would I bond to him so quickly, why else would I have gone along with the stupid jealousy plot if not to get closer to him?

But I like Caspian.

So where did this leave my feelings with Caspian? If I had subconsciously had feelings for Edmund the entire time, what do I do now. I could forget about Edmund and pursue Caspian. I had the perfect opportunity to do so, now that Susan was gone.

But something told me that wouldn't work for either of us.

I needed to grieve. I needed to miss Edmund.

This new revelation changed everything, but nothing at the same time. Edmund was gone now, and I would probably never see him again. Caspian was still here and he was still a good man. And I still liked him.

Eventually, if Aslan allowed me to stay here long enough, I would be able to reevaluate my feelings for Caspian, and perhaps pursue him once I had gotten over Edmund.

I fell asleep that night, dreaming about the last view I had of Edmund Pevensie: his back as he left Narnia.