Ch. 21
I hop on a plane and fly to Oahu for the day. I decide to visit Andre's grave, he is a war hero after all. After I attended his funeral in California they flew his body to Hawaii. He is buried near Pearl Harbor. He is honored in death and I am a scum bag in life. I wish I was six feet under. I don't deserve to live anymore and my desire to keep going is fading. I am the worst friend Andre has ever had. He asked me to take care of his girl and what do I do? I get his fiancé pregnant and he is dead now. If he was here he would have stopped me from being such a loser. I can't lie to Cat- I have to tell her the truth. I know it's risky but I can't let a girl marry me knowing I am a liar. I look at the cemetery grass and see the dew glisten beneath my feet. I hear the sounds of distant birds humming and chirping. The touch of wind relaxes me from within. I feel tranquility in this place and know Andre is speaking to me. He is comforting me through nature. I look toward the sky and feel the sun rays kiss my head with delight and I know Andre doesn't view me as a screw up. I know deep down that telling Cat the truth is risky. But it's what needs to be done. I don't have the heart to lie to my best friend- even if in a moment of weakness I cheated on beauty. I betrayed the best thing that has ever happened to me. I must return to my family and beg for forgiveness even if there is none to give. I soon find myself back on a plane. My short visit to Oahu is over. The Kona air beats down on me and the tranquility I felt in the cemetery returns to me. I know I am ready to face Cat. I drive home and find Cat in our apartment. "Cat? Are you awake?" I whisper quietly to her ear. She really is a beautiful woman. I hope she will forgive me. "Yes, Beck. Where have you been all day?" She looks puzzled. "I went to Oahu and visited Andre's grave. I needed to clear my head and I rushed back because we need to talk." Cat stretches and lies back on the bed. "I know we need to talk. You always go off somewhere for hours on end and then we chat up a storm. So let's have it." "Cat I messed up... Like I always do..." She has that look of confusion again. "Beck you always mess up but you always fix it in the end." "I messed us up Cat! No I FUCKED us up. For lack of a better word. You see I invited Tori over to Hawaii for a night..." Her eyes begin turning red and she knows where this is going. As I continue I begin to swallow my words. "She stayed in a hotel... And you were at work. I went to go see her and... Something came over me.. Lust! I lusted after her and we...had ...ssseexxx! We had sex. I felt terrible afterwards. And have hated myself ever since... I hate myself now in fact." Tears make their way to my eyes and Cat stops looking at me. My voice is now a violent earthquake. "The worst part is... I ruined Tori's life as well. She is pregnant. I got both of you pregnant... And when I told my brother... He wanted me to lie to you... But I couldn't do that Cat. I couldn't lie to you over something as serious as this. I had to tell you the truth... Even if it means you leaving me..." I couldn't form words anymore- I collapse to the floor in shame. Cat says nothing and walks passed me. "You know Beck. I knew this would happen. I knew you messed up. But I didn't think you could screw up this badly. I didn't think you could stoop so low. But you are full of surprises. I appreciate you telling me the truth. You always tell me the truth- every time you mess up. But this is a big FUBAR! You chose me Beck and now you have two children. You can't have two families. You just can't. Did you ask Tori to have an abortion?" "No, I didn't I didn't want to ask her to do that." "Well at least you did one good thing this week! Beck, I am going back to California. I can't even look at you. And not only did you betray me but you betrayed your child as well when you slept with that harlot! I am not mad at Tori's baby- but that child shouldn't exist. You... You... Have ruined us Beck! You spat on our engagement when you fucked that wench. How could.. You do this to me? To us?" She dropped to her knees and balled her eyes out. I tried to comfort her. "DON'T TOUCH ME YOU CHEATING BASTARD!" She said while running out of the room. This is why honesty sucks- the truth hurts people and Owen was right someone was going to get hurt. I just didn't think it was going to be me.