Hello! I got Chapter XXI for you!

Just a heads up, I reference Matthew 5 in this chapter. I hope no one finds that offensive or sacrilegious. I'm a Christian, and I'm going through a particularly devout phase right now that I'm really hoping won't be a phase. But my point is, I've got that stuff in my brain right now, and it seeped into my writing.

Enjoy!

Chapter 21

Somehow, Vaia convinced Dr. Nuzzus, the Lizard who was the hospital's resident gastrointestinal doctor, to perform a gastrostomy on me the next evening, arguing that he could do it in his "Ozdamn sleep" and that he literally had "a zillion g-tubes lying around, so there's a good chance one of them fits her."

"Alright, Vaia, you've made your points clear," Dr. Nuzzus finally said, putting his paws up. "But ultimately, it's Miss Elphaba who has the final say, of course." Immediately, they both turned to me, abruptly putting me on the spot.

I sighed and began typing, all the while trying to convince myself that this actually was a good decision that would significantly extend my life in the long term, despite the possibility that it would damage my dignity in the short term. "I … agree … that … this … procedure … is … necessary … and … should … be … done … as … soon … as … possible. Vaia … told … you … about … my … close … call … yesterday. I … don't … want … that … to … happen … again." SPEAK. There. That was some good logic.

"No, of course not," Dr. Nuzzus agreed. "So, just for confirmation, you definitely want this done today?"

I almost grunted my answer, before I remembered that Dr. Nuzzus didn't know my "language." So I quickly typed out, "Yes … I … do. But … I … would … like … know … a … little … more … about … the … procedure … beforehand." SPEAK.

Dr. Nuzzus nodded. "Of course. I was just getting to that. First of all, you'll be knocked out with ether, so you won't be aware of anything, don't worry. Once you're asleep, we'll shine a light down your esophagus so we can get a good look at the inside of your stomach. Then, we'll make a small hole in your stomach, just big enough to fit the g-tube into-…"

"She's typing something," Vaia informed him. "And I'm pretty sure she wants you to shut up."

So I was and so I did. I realized I actually didn't want to hear the gory details of what was about to happen to me. "Okay … I'm … sorry … that's … a … little … too … much … information … for … me. Can … we … please … just … get … this … over … with?" SPEAK.

"Sure, Miss Elphaba," Dr. Nuzzus said, a little taken aback. "As Vaia so aptly said, I can do this in my sleep, so … um …" He moved over to the open door. "Yvesse! Melita! Get in here, you two!" Almost immediately, two Eagles flew in. "Yvesse, I need you to go to Dr. Bea, and tell her I need OR 3 open. If she gives you any grief, tell her it's for Miss Elphaba. Got that?"

"Yes, Dr. Nuzzus," Yvesse said, promptly flying off.

"And Melita, you're in charge of pre-op. Feel me?"

"Yes, Dr. Nuzzus," Melita answered. She turned to me and cocked her head to one side. "Come with me, Miss Elphaba. We'll get you started. I have to say it's an honor to meet you. It's a big hospital, you know?"

I gave her my best thank-you smile, and then looked over at Vaia. Push me. I do nottrust myself with my chair right now! Vaia nodded, getting the message, and started pushing me out of the room, following Melita towards pre-op.

During pre-op, I learned that Melita and my sister would probably be best friends. As she took my pulse and blood pressure (among other things), Melita gushed about the "graciousness of the Unnamed God," and once she learned that I was an atheist, she decided to make it her mission to convert me. Good luck with that. Once she was done with the pre-op procedure, she said, "Okay, Dr. Nuzzus, Yvesse, and myself will be back soon to take you to the OR. Until then, just hang tight. And, read this. It could help you." She tossed Lives of the Saints into my lap and left the room.

Vaia scoffed. "What a god-barker. She's always been like that. Personally, I think religion is stupid. Fairy tales for adults, you know what I mean?"

"Mmm," I said half heartedly.

She stood up and moved over to the side of my bed. "I'm really proud of you for doing this. I know this stuff is hard for you to admit."

"Mmm." It is, but I know that this has to be done. Throughout my time with ALS, it was always a battle between the part of me that wanted to be independent and the part of me that wanted to be practical. This was just another one of those times.

"I know you can do this," Vaia said confidently. "You're a tough biscuit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a rendezvous with a certain idiot. Wish me luck. I'll do the same for you."

We shared a smile and I laughed a little as she left the pre-op room. I had practically forced her to reschedule her date with Usnavi instead of cancel it. It was perfect; she could have her date while I was in surgery, and then she would be free to take care of me afterwards. Vaia and Usnavi really were perfect together, just like Fiyero and Glinda …

Presently, I looked down at Lives of the Saints and thought, What the hell? I needed something to pass the time with. I flipped the pages as quickly as I could. It may have been egotistical, but I knew exactly what I was looking for.

And so, Saint Aelphaba led the group of Gilikkuns to the top of Mount Runcible. All of the women and most of the men were following to hear the wisdom of the Unnamed God, but a few of the men only cared for Aelphaba's great beauty. But Aelphaba knew this, and she prayed as she climbed that the Unnamed God would use her beauty to His advantage.

Once all the people were settled on the mountain, Saint Aelphaba stretched her arms up to Heaven, and gave the Unnamed God thanks for a safe journey. Then she smiled at the people, even those men who only saw her beauty, and said, "How blessed are those who love the Unnamed God and joyfully submit to His will. Blessed are the Animals, the Ixaans, and all who are outcast or oppressed. Blessed are the poor, for they will have much treasure in Heaven. Blessed are those who fight for what is just, for the Unnamed God is with them. Blessed are those who love their neighbors …"

I stopped reading and let out an exasperated sigh. Saint Aelphaba's beatitudes were the same feel good religious crap that I had heard 24/7 during my childhood and teenage years from Nessa and Father. "Blessed are those who do good shit." As if. Mama died trying to protect Nessa from being an outcast as I was. Was she blessed? Then why did the Unnamed God let her die? Simple. The Unnamed God didn't exist; He was made up by primitive Ozians who were afraid of death. "Blessed are those who fight for what is just." Give me a break! I was fighting for what was just, but the Unnamed God had never saved me from the Gale Force, or spoken to Glinda to make her see the light, or hell, even cured me of my ALS! Even though, it did intrigue me that Saint Aelphaba blessed the Animals …

All of a sudden, Dr. Nuzzus returned, with Yvesse and Melita flanking him. "Alright, Miss Elphaba," Dr. Nuzzus said. "We're finally ready for you. You ready?"

I raised my eyes, too nervous to make any sounds. For once, I was grateful I couldn't speak, because when I could, my brain to mouth filter would just vanish when I would get nervous. Any doctor who drew my blood when I was a child can attest to that.

It seemed to take ages for them to roll me to the OR, though I imagine it only took a few clock ticks. On the way, I played a half hearted game of Twenty Questions with Melita about what part of Lives of the Saints I read. She eventually got it, and started going on about how pious Saint Aelphaba was, and how lucky I was to have that name. I could tell Dr. Nuzzus and Yvesse were just as annoyed as I was.

We finally got to the OR, and at first, my eyes were overwhelmed by how white everything was! I had to blink several times before I got used to the brightness. Wait, is this a good idea? People can die in surgery, and … But there was no going back as I was lifted by unknown paws and claws onto the operating table.

I looked over to see Dr. Nuzzus on a stool beside the table. "No need to be nervous, Miss Elphaba," he said knowingly. "I've done this procedure many times. Now, I'm going to start your IV, okay? Just count down from ten, you should be asleep before you even get to six."

Fuck that. My thoughts were literally going everywhere, so I know I would not be able to concentrate on counting. Instead, I worked to talk myself down and convince myself that this was a good idea. I barely registered the prick in my arm. This is a good thing! No more choking, Vaia won't have to do chest compressions at every meal …

I opened my eyes to see a welcoming sight: the ceiling of the room I shared with Vaia. There was a distant pain in my abdomen, but I must have been so drugged up that it didn't really bother me. I moved my eyes to look at Vaia's bed, and I saw that she and Usnavi were sitting on it, one of my dresses spread out across their laps. Vaia seemed to be stitching something onto it. Just then, Usnavi looked up and grinned. "Well! Look who's awake! How ya doing, green human girl?"

I gave him a weak smile. Tired, but okay.

Vaia swiftly put down her needle and thread, dumped my dress into Usnavi's lap, and rushed over to me. "Elphaba!" she practically shrieked. "I thought you'd never wake up! For real, how are you feeling? Are you in any pain? Do you need any pain relievers?"

"Nnn," I answered weakly. I looked over at my dress in Usnavi's lap, and then back up at Vaia with a questioning look on my face.

"Huh?" she asked blankly. "You're trying to ask me something, aren't you?"

I repeated my signs. What the hell are you doing to my dress?

A light bulb was almost visible over Vaia's head. "Oh! Your dress! Let me show you." She snatched it off of Usnavi's lap and came back over to me. "Usnavi and I decided to turn our date into a crafts project! We're making a hole in each of your dresses for your g-tube to fit into! 'Cause I love your style, I gotta say, and I don't want that to get compromised just because of a g-tube." Sure enough, there was now a cut in the middle of my dress with a zipper partially sewn on.

I hated this. I hated that I couldn't eat anymore, and I hated that now my clothing had to be modified for this disease. It sucked! But Vaia looked so proud of herself, and she had sacrificed her evening for this, so I smiled gratefully at her. The fact that the majority of Oz wanted me dead was hard to conceive when so many cared for me.

There you have it! Thanks for reading!

Cheers,

Elle Dottore